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1
00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:04,221
♪ Men.♪
2
00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:05,875
We got to go.
3
00:00:05,962 --> 00:00:08,921
We just got here.
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,402
Yeah, I know, but I got to go.
5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,188
The sit-down "go."
6
00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:16,799
No, I am... I am tired
of being a slave
7
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,453
to your fear
of public bathrooms.
8
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:19,976
Do you know what people do
in there?
9
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:22,239
They go to the bathroom.
10
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,981
Exactly. It's-It's not the seat
as much as...
11
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,462
[whispers]:
the splash.
12
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,681
You have ruined a lot of things
that I enjoy,
13
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,379
and I am not gonna let you
take pooping from me.
14
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,903
Oh, fine, but every time
you use a public bathroom,
15
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,079
you are putting your ass
16
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,560
against every other ass
that has ever been there.
17
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:40,301
See this guy?
18
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,564
I might as well rub
my naked butt all over his.
19
00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:47,699
And he took pooping from me.
20
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:50,093
Excuse me. Walden?
21
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:51,486
Yes?
22
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,227
I-I'm sure
you don't remember me,
23
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,055
but I used to work for you.
24
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:57,405
Sorry, I don't
remember your name.
25
00:00:57,492 --> 00:01:00,321
It's Nicole, but you'd always
call me Michelle.
26
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,758
Right! Michelle!
27
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,238
Yeah.
Hey.
28
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:05,413
How you doing?
I-I haven't seen you
29
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,979
around the office in a while.
30
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,547
Yeah, I stopped going in
after you fired me.
31
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,593
Oh. Wow.
32
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,160
That is...
33
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:15,597
Are you here to kill me?
34
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:18,382
I'm actually trying to get
a tech start-up off the ground.
35
00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:19,862
Or as my mom calls it,
36
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:21,864
wasting 20 hours a day
in the garage
37
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:23,257
and not giving her grandkids.
38
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,868
Let me guess:
You're looking for help.
39
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:27,174
With the company,
40
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,958
not the grandkids.
41
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,394
I mean, not that
42
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,004
I wouldn't want to...
with you...
43
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,791
Can you talk now?
44
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:39,099
I amlooking for help...
with the company.
45
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,623
I'll let you know
about the grandkids.
46
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,581
Well, I would love
to hear about it.
47
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:45,670
Why don't you call my office,
and we'll set something up?
48
00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:48,760
Yeah, when I worked for you,
I was kind of in charge
49
00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:51,633
of blowing off the people
you told to "call your office."
50
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:52,242
So you get it.
51
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,070
[laughs]
52
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,986
Look, 15 years ago,
53
00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:59,467
you cornered Bill Gates
in a steam room,
54
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,164
and you pitched him the idea
for Blungogo.com,
55
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:04,472
and six months later,
you were a billionaire.
56
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:05,908
Yeah, what you don't know is
57
00:02:05,995 --> 00:02:07,127
that I also got Tased
in the nuts
58
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:09,912
by a security guard named Randy.
59
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:13,481
Look, I think
I have a really good idea.
60
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:16,179
Everything you need
to know is right in here.
61
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:20,052
Okay. I'll take a look at it.
62
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,663
Thank you.
63
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,013
I didn't even have to get
Tased in the lady nuts.
64
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:26,407
I still might Tase you later.
65
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:27,973
[laughs]
66
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,192
Oh, it's not weird.
67
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:30,628
We-we know each other.
68
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,369
I fired her.
69
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:33,849
I couldn't do it.
70
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,546
We got to go. Now. Now!
71
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:36,417
What?
72
00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:37,461
This is not a drill!
73
00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:39,115
Code brown!
Code brown!
74
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:47,732
I wonder if I could train him
to go in the yard.
75
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,039
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
76
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:54,826
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
77
00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,831
♪ Men.♪
78
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,964
[panting]
79
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,357
Wow.
80
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,533
Oh.
81
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,491
Yeah, that was fun.
[sighs]
82
00:03:07,578 --> 00:03:08,840
Two thumbs up.
83
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,147
Felt like more than that.
84
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:15,891
Hey, uh, thanks
for letting me stay over.
85
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,284
Thanks for letting
me stay under.
86
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:20,156
Mmm.
87
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,636
You know, I've been thinking--
88
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,377
we've been doing this
for a couple of weeks,
89
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,074
and I don't know
that much about you.
90
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:27,076
Well, you know all
the important things.
91
00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:29,600
My favorite color's pink,
my favorite singer is Pink,
92
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:30,906
my favorite
body part is...
93
00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,037
Okay, fine.
If you don't want to talk,
94
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:34,214
we don't have to talk.
95
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:35,519
No, I'm kidding.
96
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,304
Come on, ask me anything.
97
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,262
Tell me about your family.
What's your mom like?
98
00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,699
Well, she's very,
very pretty.
99
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,266
Mm-hmm.
Not too bright.
100
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,442
Her boyfriend went
to Harvard Law School,
101
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:48,053
and then broke up with her,
because he wanted a Jackie,
102
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,490
and she was more
of a Marilyn,
103
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:53,320
so she decided to
study real hard...
104
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:54,669
Hold on a second.
105
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,061
That's the plot
to Legally Blonde.
106
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:59,195
You saw that, huh?
107
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:03,243
Uh, all right, I'll-I'll...
I'll tell you the truth.
108
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,027
My mom is a
beautiful prostitute.
109
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:07,943
Oh.
And my dad,
110
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:08,857
Richard Gere...
111
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:11,555
You're unbelievable.
112
00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:14,558
Cut me some slack!
113
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:17,474
I grew up in a town
that didn't allow dancing!
114
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,564
♪ Men.♪
115
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,087
Mm. Good morning.
116
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,307
Actually, it's a great morning.
117
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,962
Somebody gave me
a billion-dollar idea.
118
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:28,268
Oh, you got my e-mail.
119
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,968
You know, with my idea.
120
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,622
The app that helps you find
a clean public restroom
121
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:35,884
anywhere in the world.
122
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,583
I called it "Crapster."
123
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,237
Yeah, as good of an idea
as that is,
124
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:44,240
and actually, it's not that bad,
125
00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:47,112
I'm talking
about thought-recognition.
126
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,158
Thought-control computing.
127
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,986
Imagine you want to send a text,
128
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,727
but, uh, you don't want
to take your phone out.
129
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,164
Or imagine you want
to change the channel on the TV,
130
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,470
but you don't have a remote.
131
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:57,949
Imagine
you're in a strange city,
132
00:04:58,036 --> 00:04:59,342
and you can't find
a clean bathroom.
133
00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,127
Imagine you're in Italy,
134
00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,652
and you have to "arriva-doody."
135
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:07,307
You know what?
136
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:09,787
Here is a hundred dollars.
137
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,572
I just bought your idea.
138
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,748
Now, stop talking about it.
139
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:18,666
Deal. Looks like I am getting
that filling after all.
140
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,842
Morning.Good morning.
141
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,147
Oh, hey, morning.
142
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,758
What are you guys up to today?
143
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,890
I don't know.
Maybe we'll go to a bar
144
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,370
and let guys buy us drinks
145
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:28,110
if we're willing
to make out with each other.
146
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,286
ALLAN:
Wait.
147
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,896
Is-is that a thing?
148
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,550
You and I should run that scam
with girls.
149
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,338
Hey, I've got an idea.
150
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,122
Let's go for a hike
in the canyon.
151
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:42,211
I'd rather stay home
and yodel in your canyon.
152
00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:46,389
♪ Yodel-ay-hee hoo-ha! ♪
153
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,220
Come on, let's get
some fresh air, hang out.
154
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:52,569
Just the two of us.
155
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:55,180
Uh, yeah. Yeah, why not?
Sounds great.
156
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:57,705
[clears her throat]
Do you guys want to join us?
157
00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:00,185
Sure.
158
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,274
You can never have
too much wood in the forest.
159
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,841
I can't. I'm busy.
160
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,756
Always busy.
161
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,932
I can't remember the last time
this one took me anywhere.
162
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,892
Hey, uh, Jenny,
163
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,067
here's a hundred dollars.
164
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:12,372
Lose him in the forest.
165
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:19,030
♪ Men.♪
166
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,249
Yes?
167
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,033
Yeah, I'm looking for Nicole.
168
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,035
Are you my new dad?
169
00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,472
Excuse me?
170
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:27,256
It's a joke.
Try to keep up.
171
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:28,649
Who are you?
172
00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:30,390
I'm Walden Schmidt.
173
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:33,349
Holy Schmidt!
174
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:39,573
Oh, my God.
175
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,792
Mr. Schmidt,
it is such an honor to meet you.
176
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,141
I have a poster of you.
177
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:44,404
A poster?
178
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,753
Yeah, yeah, check it out.
179
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,450
I made it in college.
180
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:50,758
WALDEN:
Wow. It's, uh...
181
00:06:50,845 --> 00:06:52,977
Wow.
182
00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:54,239
I cut and pasted Laura Dern's
hair onto your face.
183
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,633
It's pretty breathtaking, right?
184
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,593
I'm sorry... uh, who are you?
185
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,290
Oh, uh, I-I'm Barry.
Barry Foster.
186
00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:03,597
But you can call me "BF,"
as in your biggest fan.
187
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:04,989
[laughs]
188
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:06,164
Walden!
189
00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:08,166
Nicole, hi.
190
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,559
I read your proposal.
191
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,387
I'm interested.
192
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:12,736
Really?
193
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:14,999
This is amazing.
194
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:16,218
This is amazing.
[laughing]
195
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:18,089
Oh, my fan fiction's come true.
196
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,656
NICOLE:
Barry,
197
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:20,744
we talked about this.
198
00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:22,790
Right, right.
Boundaries.
199
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:27,011
All right, here's-here's
what I'm prepared to do.
200
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:31,189
In return for 51%
of your company,
201
00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:35,542
and him never
hugging me again,
202
00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:37,761
I will back
your project.
203
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:39,241
I don't think I can do that.
204
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,416
Neither do I.
[laughs]
205
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:41,852
Barry!
206
00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:43,463
Okay.
207
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:44,420
Look, I can't give up control.
208
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:47,292
This company is my baby.
209
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,469
But I will sell you
a minority share
210
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:52,646
if you agree to work
as my product engineer.
211
00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,299
Oh, product engineer?
212
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,301
I mean, do I look like Barry?
213
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,825
No offense, Barry.
214
00:07:57,912 --> 00:08:00,131
Did you hear that?
He knows my name.
215
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,917
I'm sorry, that's all
I can offer you.
216
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:04,179
Well, then it's a pass.
217
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,050
All right, thanks
for stopping by.
218
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:08,749
No, no, no, come on, this
isn't how the story ends.
219
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,925
Hold on. Th...
220
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,449
That's it?
No negotiating?
221
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:15,016
You heard my offer.
222
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,626
There's also a
supplemental offer--
223
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,542
uh, best friends for life.
224
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,413
All right, wait.
All right, fine. I...
225
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,547
I will... work for you,
226
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:27,202
but I still need
a majority position.
227
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,030
Good-bye, Mr. Schmidt.
228
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:32,207
What are you, like, some
kind of evil Bond villain?
229
00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:34,078
All right... all right,
all right, fine!
230
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:36,341
Deal.
231
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:40,215
I'll... be your number two.
232
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:41,738
[clearing throat]
Well...
233
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,524
it'd actually be
number three, but...
234
00:08:46,351 --> 00:08:47,614
♪ Men.♪
235
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,224
Oh, thank God.
236
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:50,225
[panting]
237
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:51,748
I'm coming, Charlie.
238
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:54,969
I hope you have a guest room
in heaven.
239
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:56,710
You shouldn't
feel so bad.
240
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:59,060
He's in pretty good shape
for a guy in his 60's.
241
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:00,757
He's 45.
242
00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,193
Whoa.
243
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,805
I'll be right back.
244
00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:07,721
Ah... uh... do you mind?
245
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:08,765
Actually...
[screams]
246
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:12,073
Aah! It burns!
It burns!
247
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,509
That's because it's vodka.
248
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:16,425
Who brings vodka on a hike?
249
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,688
Someone who thinks
hikes should be fun.
250
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:21,648
Okay, that's it,
I'm packing it in.
251
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,171
I think I saw a mom
with a stroller.
252
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:24,738
I'm gonna hitch a ride
back downhill.
253
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,261
No, no, no, no, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
254
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:27,610
Don't leave me alone
with Brooke.
255
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,351
What? Why not?
She's great.
256
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,788
Well, here's the thing.
257
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,356
She's-she's...
she's always trying to...
258
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,706
get to know me.
259
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,795
That bitch.
260
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:41,145
She's always asking me
these-these personal things.
261
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,104
You know?
262
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,801
"What are your dreams?"
"What was your childhood like?"
263
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,324
"What's your last name?"
264
00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:48,022
You are just like your dad.
265
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:49,501
He'd never open up to anybody
266
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,242
'cause he was afraid
of rejection,
267
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,070
so he'd reject them first.
268
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:55,116
I don't want to
reject Brooke.
269
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:56,770
So, let her in.
270
00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:59,294
If you don't take a chance,
you haven't got one.
271
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:00,991
Do you think I really believed
272
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,950
that a complete stranger
would let me live
273
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,734
in his Malibu beach house
forever?
274
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,519
No. But I took a chance,
and it paid off.
275
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,174
♪ Men.♪
276
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:13,482
[speaking lyrics]:
Everybody get up,
everybody get up...
277
00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,571
[singing]:
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
278
00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:17,791
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
279
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,357
♪ Hey, hey, hey... ♪
280
00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:20,576
Hey, hey, hey!
281
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,666
Oh, sorry.
282
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:24,972
Sometimes
when I'm writing code,
283
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:27,278
I get kind of lost
in my dope jams.
284
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,454
Well, if you're gonna play
music, just play it out loud.
285
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,326
You got it, number three.
286
00:10:31,413 --> 00:10:33,067
♪ Talk about getting blasted ♪
287
00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:34,590
[singing along]:
♪ I hate these blurred lines ♪
288
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:37,419
♪ I know you want it ♪
289
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,942
[singing along]:
♪ I know you want it ♪
290
00:10:39,029 --> 00:10:40,640
♪ I know you want it,
but you're ♪
291
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,207
♪ A good girl ♪
292
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:45,732
♪ The way you grab me ♪
293
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:46,907
♪ Talkin' 'bout gettin' nasty ♪
294
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,126
♪ Go ahead, get at me ♪
295
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,388
♪ Everybody get up ♪
296
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:51,694
♪ What do they make dreams for ♪
297
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,304
♪ When you got them jeans on ♪
298
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,306
♪ What do we need steam for ♪
299
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,743
♪ You the hottest bitch ♪
300
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,701
♪ In this place ♪Hey, hey, hey!
301
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,529
♪ You want to hug me... ♪
302
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:03,488
[music stops]
303
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:06,666
It was the new guy's idea.
I was...
304
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,406
What's that, Barry?
I can't hear you
305
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:10,017
from all the way under this bus.
306
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:13,716
So, how's the code coming?
307
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:15,109
Actually, you know,
I had a thought.
308
00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:19,069
Um, if we reconfigure
this kernel,
309
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,462
we're gonna save
a lot of time and money.
310
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:24,074
Yeah, it's-it's good.
311
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:26,642
[high-pitched]: It's just,
uh... eh, it's-it's good.
312
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,252
Wha-What do you think,
Barry?
313
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,080
[high-pitched]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
314
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:33,170
It's-it's good. It's good.
315
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:36,217
Why do you guys keep talking
with high voices?
316
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,697
Why do you keep saying,
[high-pitched]: "It's good"?
317
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:40,047
It is good.
318
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:42,049
Just, you know, for...
319
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,920
mmm... 2002.
320
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,530
Ouch.
321
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:46,575
I believe the correct
terminology in 2002
322
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,925
was, "Oh, snap."
323
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:52,450
[clears throat]
Okay. Um...
324
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,757
you know, I've been... I've
been doing this for a...
325
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:56,237
a really long time,
326
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,500
and I've-I've been
really successful.
327
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:01,546
I know. We studied you
in school.
328
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:04,462
Oh, I get it. You guys... you
guys are saying that I'm old?
329
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:05,942
No.
Yeah.
330
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:09,598
I thought we were going
a different way.
331
00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:13,558
Look, I respect you
enormously, but...
332
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:16,431
I got to go with my gut.
333
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:17,606
Okay. No problem.
334
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,782
You're the boss.
335
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:20,870
Thank you.
336
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,306
Now, who wants Chinese?
337
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,439
Are you paying?
'Cause I forgot my wallet...
338
00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:26,006
Yes, Barry.
339
00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:28,617
Hey, I got one
just like him at home.
340
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,187
Boy, oh, boy, you could cut
the sexual tension back there
341
00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:34,144
with a knife.
342
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,016
Think she's into me?
343
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:38,018
No, not you. Me.
344
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:40,020
Me and her have had this whole
"will they, won't they" thing
345
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,109
going on for some time now.
346
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,588
So it's like a...
347
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,547
Ross/Rachel thing?
348
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:46,635
Who?
349
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,159
Are those friends of yours?
350
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:50,770
Oh, God. I am old.
351
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:56,253
But with age comes wisdom.
352
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:57,385
[clears throat]
353
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,387
We're gonna do this my way.
354
00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:00,736
What?
355
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,433
Nicole is wrong about the code.
356
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,608
I'm sending you a file.
We're gonna rewrite it.
357
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,959
Oh, this is bad.
358
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:06,960
This is bad.
359
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:09,005
I'm stuck between my hero
360
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,225
and-and the future mother
of my children.
361
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:12,792
Come on, Barry.
362
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:16,143
Don't you want to be
on a poster with me?
363
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:17,840
Hop on the eagle, man.
Let's soar together.
364
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,713
I don't know. I don't...
I don't know.
365
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,629
You know you want it.
366
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:27,894
♪ You know you want it ♪
367
00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:28,982
♪ You know
you want it ♪
368
00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:31,549
♪ I'm a good girl ♪
369
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,638
♪ Men.♪
370
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,167
♪ Men.♪Oh, good.
You're home.
371
00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:41,516
I need
to talk to you.
Oh,
372
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:42,952
you know, actually, I'm not.
373
00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:44,911
I'm just here
for the essentials.
374
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,870
Shower, change of clothes, bag
of performance-enhancing weed.
375
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:49,132
Th-This won't take long.
376
00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:51,134
Uh, will you look
at this picture?
377
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,136
Let me see.
378
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,051
Was this taken
from the Mars rover?
379
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,313
No, that's my balls.
380
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,575
[groans]
381
00:13:57,662 --> 00:14:00,274
Dude! What the hell?
382
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:01,666
They've been burning
ever since I went on that hike.
383
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,060
Maybe somebody's talking
about 'em.
384
00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:05,714
No, I'm serious.
What could it be?
385
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:08,456
I don't know.
What, like, poison oak?
386
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:09,979
I did take a leak in the bushes.
387
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:13,069
And yet you couldn't go
in a coffee shop.
388
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:14,636
Just look at the picture.
389
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:15,637
Yeah. Fine.
I can't believe I'm gonna...
390
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,683
zoom in on your balls.
391
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:21,730
I'm not gonna be able to...
392
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:22,818
Oh, my God.
393
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:25,995
It's a tick.
394
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,170
What?
395
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:28,650
You got a tick on your junk.
396
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,782
Oh, God!
397
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,742
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!
398
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:34,874
What's with him?
399
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,354
He's got a tick on his 'nads.
400
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:41,010
Huh. I never thought anything
could live off Zippy.
401
00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:44,274
♪ Men.♪
402
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,670
I don't see how this is gonna
make us more productive,
403
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:51,847
but I really don't care.
404
00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:54,154
And that is the beauty of pot.
[chuckles]
405
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,460
You got work to do,
you don't care.
406
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,854
You got bills to pay,
you don't care.
[chuckles]
407
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:00,638
You see a picture
of your roommate's gonads...
408
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,772
you care.
409
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:04,773
[chuckles]
410
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:08,777
But the image is fading.
411
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:11,606
Yeah, marijuana is excellent.
412
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:14,130
I don't know why I waited
this long to try it.
413
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,263
Wait a second--
you've never been high before?
414
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:17,829
I wanted it to be special.
And now I can tell everybody
415
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,746
my first time
was with Walden Schmidt.
416
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,923
Hey, when you tell that story,
417
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:27,970
maybe throw in
a few more details.
418
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,451
[chuckles]
Hey, aren't you glad
we took a second to relax?
419
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,322
Mmm. Totally.
420
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:35,630
You know, I kind of forgot
the meaning of the word "relax."
421
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,241
Relax, relax, relax.
422
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:40,200
Oh, God. I don't remember
what it means either.
423
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:42,942
I'm losing my words.
424
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,987
No, this is exactly, exactly
425
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:47,033
what the commercials
warned me about.
426
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,817
Barry, calm down.
427
00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:51,820
Just take a deep breath,
close your eyes, count to ten.
428
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,430
All right, I trust you
with my life.
429
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:54,866
You're my best friend.
430
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:57,695
One...
431
00:15:57,782 --> 00:16:00,350
two...
432
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:01,786
Oh, my God, we have ice cream
sandwiches in the freezer.
433
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,486
Hey, man, grab me one!
434
00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:07,183
Mmm, no,
grab me two!
435
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:11,927
I want to make
an ice cream sandwich sandwich.
436
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,885
That is an awesome idea.
437
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,805
Are you staring at me
or am I just really paranoid?
438
00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:24,984
There's nothing
to be paranoid about.
439
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,724
She's on to us. Abort.
I repeat, abort.
440
00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:29,858
I hate you.
441
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,557
You don't.
You like me.
442
00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,385
You know what. Doesn't matter.
443
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:38,823
Because I have a policy
about dating people I work with.
444
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:42,740
Yeah, but it's
your policy, so...
445
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:43,915
you can break it.
446
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,658
You're the boss.
447
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:50,052
I am, aren't I?
448
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:53,838
I guess that makes me
the wo-man.
449
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:57,233
You guys.
450
00:16:58,452 --> 00:16:59,757
I got great news.
451
00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:00,932
Ice cream sandwiches are
in the oven.
452
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,630
They'll be ready in five.
453
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,459
♪ Men.♪
454
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:06,895
You want a refill?
455
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:09,028
Uh, no, I-I don't want
to get drunk.
456
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,421
Oh, my God, did I somehow
get you pregnant?
457
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,641
I want to get
to know you better,
458
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,860
and I don't want anything
to get in the way of that.
459
00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,776
I really like you. Um...
460
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,213
That's new for me.
461
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,563
Hey, I feel the exact same way.
462
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:25,000
I've never felt this vulnerable
with someone.
463
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,742
You know, when it didn't involve
a safe word.
464
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,352
So what are we gonna do?
465
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:31,746
We can start by being honest
with each other.
466
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,878
That's horrible.
Hey.
467
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:37,012
Come on. Let's do this.
468
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:40,320
Tell me a secret, something
you've never told anyone else.
469
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,191
Something is wrong
with my balls.
470
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,282
Something like that.
471
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:47,849
I just... I-I had a tick
and I pulled it off
472
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,938
and now they won't stop swelling
473
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:50,982
and I'm afraid
they're gonna explode.
474
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,854
So why are you telling us?
475
00:17:52,941 --> 00:17:55,683
Because Brooke works in a salon.
476
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:58,381
She waxes people. Maybe she's
seen something like this before.
477
00:17:58,468 --> 00:17:59,730
All right, l-let's see.
478
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:01,602
Oh!
479
00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:03,995
Oh...
480
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,215
Boy, if I wasn't gay before...
481
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,827
♪ Men.♪
482
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:13,222
[exhales]
Check it out, dude.
483
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,837
Where's your other hand
in that picture?
484
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,189
What the hell?
485
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,104
Three people can't fit
on an eagle.
486
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:30,239
You-you changed my code.
487
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,285
Yeah. I made it better.
488
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:34,591
No, you didn't.
We went over this.
489
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,985
[chuckles]
Okay. Everybody who's made
a billion dollars
490
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:40,119
off their software in this room,
raise your hand.
491
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,990
[gasps, chuckles]
492
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,297
Look at that. It's just me.Okay.
493
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:48,475
Everyone who owns 51% of
this company, raise their hand.
494
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:52,479
[chuckles]
Look at that. Just me.
495
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:54,002
Everybody who's still
a little high
496
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,221
and is worried that that's...
497
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,789
never gonna stop,
raise your hand.
498
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:02,576
Crap. That's just me.
499
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,491
Listen, just go
500
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:05,709
with me on this.
501
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,755
No, I don't work
for you anymore.
502
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:10,801
Okay, look, I know you think
you know what you're doing.
503
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:13,717
But, trust me, you don't.
504
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:17,025
And I know you think
you still work here,
505
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:19,027
but, trust me, you don't.
506
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,466
You're fired.
507
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,468
[whirring]
508
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,905
Oh, snap.
509
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,300
Look, I-I was just trying
to help.
510
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:34,825
Well, it's gonna take me a day
to undo your "help."
511
00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:38,960
A day? Come on.
I can undo this in an hour.
512
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:42,746
You should just...
you should just go, dude.
513
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,574
Okay.
514
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,141
Fine.
515
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:47,577
If that's what you want.
516
00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:49,013
It is.
517
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,973
Barry, it was an honor
to fly with you.
518
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,716
Honor was all mine.
519
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,501
At ease.
520
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:02,157
All right.
521
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,550
Oh, uh, one last thing.
522
00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:05,813
We're done.
523
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,249
I don't work with you anymore.
524
00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,772
That's what
"you're fired" means.
525
00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:11,253
Good. So this isn't
a bad idea anymore.
526
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:20,219
Can I be fired, too?
527
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,309
♪ Men.♪
528
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:29,489
♪ Men.♪
Okay.
[grunts]
Okay.
529
00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:32,405
Um, I just, uh, want
to point out that,
530
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,494
uh, due
to my engorged testicles,
531
00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:37,671
uh, my penis is not currently
to scale,
532
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,107
so...
533
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,978
Yeah, yeah, here it is.
534
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,980
When you pulled out the tick,
you didn't get all of it
535
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:44,547
so it got inflamed.
Oh.
536
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:45,635
[groans]
537
00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:47,071
It's like you're the Hulk,
538
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:50,814
but only your balls got angry.
539
00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:53,252
You know, this is what
relationships are all about.
540
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:56,385
Watching your girlfriend pull
a tick out of your uncle's junk.
541
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:59,823
Aw. I'm your girlfriend?
542
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:04,393
If it's a boy, name it Walden.
543
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,134
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
544
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:08,267
and TOYOTA
545
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:09,311
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
37582
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