Original subtitles

- We're tiny. - We're toon-y.

ALL: We're all a little loony.

And in this cartoon-y We're invading your TV.

BOTH: We're comic dispensers.

We crack up all the censors.

ALL: On Tiny Toon Adventures Get a dose of comedy.

So here's Acme Acres It's a whole wide world apart.

Our home sweet home It stands alone.

A cartoon work of art.

The scripts were rejected Expect the unexpected.

ALL: On Tiny Toon Adventures It's about ta start.

PLUCKY: They're furry. They're funny.

BOTH: They're Babs and Buster Bunny.

ALL: Montana Max has money Elmyra is a pain.

BUSTER: Here's Hamton. - And Plucky.

BA BS: Dizzy Devil's yucky.

ALL: Furrba/Vs unlucky And Gaga is insane.

At Acme Looniversity We earn our Toon degree.

The teaching staff's been getting laughs Since 1933.

We're tiny We're toon-y.

We're all a little loony.

R's Tiny Toon Adventures Come and join the fun.

BOTH: And now our song is done

[CUCKOOING]

Uh-oh, I overslept again.

Oh. Hi. Monsters.

Exam day at Acme Loo. Gotta motor.

[HORN HONKING]

I gotta start setting my alarm.

Phew. Hey. Plucky. You ready 10! The big test?

T-T-Test? What test?

Cartoon math.

Weight rations of falling anvils, the density per inch of honking rnallets.

Ooh. It's a killer.

You're telling me.

Well. Good luck. Old beak face.

I'm doomed.

SHIRLEY [CHANTING]: Oh, what a loan I am.

[SNAPS]

Shirley. Sweetheart.

Your dream duck needs a small iavol.

No. Like. I won't help you cheat on your math test, okay?

That's what I get to! Asking a mind leader.

Oh. You gotta help me. Shirl.

You can channel Einstein. Or Newton. 01...

OI some other genius into my head.

Then I'll pass 10! Sure.

Plucky. Last week you told me channeling was New-Age nonsense.

It's a term of endearrnent.

Oh. Please. You gotta help me.

Get invisible. Plucky.

Your whining is stressing out my aura to the max, you lunchmeat.

[PLUCKY SCREAMS]

PLUCKY: I'm not gonna give up.

HeY. Uh. Loon gill, any guess as to what today's mystery meal is?

Oh. Like. This requires telekinetic communication. Buster.

I'll have to. Like. Meld with the meal.

Okay. It's coming.

I am... I am... - P0ultly_.

Let's do lunch.

Ew. I just lost my appetite.

[ITALIAN ACCENT] Ah. Shirley, you look beautiful tonight.

I have an ache in my heart...

and a hole in my head that needs to be filled.

[NORMAL VOICE] So how about channeling...

a little Einstein up here. Toots?

Like. Let me whisper something to you. Darling.

Like, bug totally off, rnan! I'm out of here.

How about just a peek at old Steinie's brain. Hmm?

Eu“!

I hear that old guy Einstein was pretty smart.

Couldn't you channel just a little bit of Einstein?

- How about his mustache? - Oh. All right. I'll do it.

Anything to get you out o1 my hail.

Oh. Joy. Rapture. I'm gonna be a genius.

I call upon the spirit world To answer my refrain.

Channel the genius of Einstein Into this duck': pea brain.

Nice effect.

[PLUCKY SCHEAMING]

CHORUS [SINGING]: Albert Einstein, Albert Einstein.

MC-squared, MC-squared.

Relatively thinking We respect his thinking.

MC-squared, MC-squared

[WHISTLE BLARES]

[AS EINSTEIN] The size oi the guestroom is in direct proportion...

to the number of freeloading in-laws staying at your house.

What are you talking about?

Einstein's theory of relativity, of course.

Geek me out.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Uh-oh. It's test time. Pardon me. Flfiulein.

This will be a... How do you say“?

Slam dunk.

[GHUNTING]

[LAUGHING]

[CHANTING] Oh, what a loan I am.

[PLUCKY SPEAKING IN GERMAN GIBBERISH]

Oh. Like. Mondo negatoly vibes.

Who's invading my space?

Plucky. School's over. What are you still doing in there?

[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

I'm in detention and it's all your fault.

SHIRLEY: My fault?

Yeah. You told me I had Einstein's genius. But I still failed the math test.

You do have Einstein's genius or some junk.

I just forgot to tell you that, ha-ha...

when Einstein was a kid. He flunked math too. Bye.

[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

I've been schnookeled.

Ooh...

Everyone has to take tests at Acme Loo.

Even Funball has to make the grade with his mentor. Sylvester.

SYLVESTER: This. Funball, my lad. Is the Hall ol Cartoon Pussycats.

Enshrined here are the greatest stars of feline comedy.

Stars like Helix, Garfunkel.

Tom Injury.

And last but not least...

ha—ha—ha, moi.

Now. I know you have similar aspirations to greatness.

[MEOWS]

Say no more. My little pupil.

Professor Sylvester will start you on your path to superstardom.

Let's see, I roust set you a test worthy of the great cartoon cats.

I know. Bring back a mouse.

Pass this test and your portrait will hang with the great ones.

Hmm. Better yet. Make it a mouse sandwich. I missed lunch.

[MEOWS]

So? You've got your assignment.

Stop standing around simpeling and squawking.

Scoot. That's the trouble with kids today.

Talk. Talk. Talk. Sakes.

[YOWLING]

[GASPS]

[GHOANS]

[MEOWS]

WOMAN: Yes. Mrs. Mouse.

We will send over our next available babysitter...

to 14—and—one—half Illlousehole Lane.

Goodbye.

We're running out to see a movie.

He's down 10! His nap so you shouldn't have any trouble at all.

Goodbye now.

Hmm. Biggest babysitter I've ever seen.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[CHUCKLES]

[YAWNS]

Oh.

Bring back a mouse and your portrait will hang with the great ones.

Oh, hello. Gee, you roust be my babysitter, huh?

I'm Sneezel.

Say. Babysitter. Ma'am. Why you got me up in the ail like this. Huh? Huh. Huh. Huh?

I'll tell you one thing, babysitter. Everything looks different frorn up here.

Yes, sirree, it sure... Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah...

Bless me. I have a little cold.

[GIGGLING]

Hey. You wanna play dress up. Babysitter. Ma'am?

That's a very fun thing to do. It really is.

Gee. I could dress up as a dociol. Or a fireman. Or a caveman 01...

Better yet, make it a mouse sandwich.

Gee, I never dressed up as a sandwich before.

This is fun, don't you think?

Hey. I wonder how come they call them sandwiches.

There's no sand in them. Maybe a witch invented them.

I'm scared of witches.

I saw the Wizard of 02 and I cried. And I cried. And I cried all night.

[SO BS]

[MUFFLED SPEECH]

Ah... Ah... Ah..

[CRASH]

I'm allergic to olives.

Oh. So you wanna play tag. Babysitter. Ma'am?

Tag's a very fun game. Isn't ii. Huh? Yup. I sure do love tag.

You're ii, babysitter. Ma'am. Catch me i1 you can.

[SNEEZER GIGGLING]

SNEEZER: Boy. This closet sure is a good hiding place.

[LAUGHING]

SNEEZEH: No one would ever find me in a million, billion, trillion, zillion years.

Nope. No way. No how.

Gee, there's sure a lot of dust in this closet. Heal dusty, yes, sir.

Ah... Ah... Ah..

[SNEEZER SNEEZING]

Ah... Ah... Ah..

[SNEEZER SNEEZING]

[GHUNTING]

HeY. Let's play space mouse and mutant alien.

That's a very. Very fun game. Don't you think?

You can be the evil. Nasty mutant alien and

I'll be the brave. Courageous space mouse.

L1 the mutant alien catches space mouse. He gets to cook him up and eat him.

Yup. That's what he does. That's what he does. Uh-huh. Yup.

[MEOWING MECHANICALLY]

Heads up. Zap!

[FUHHBALL MEOWING MECHANICALLY]

[PLAYING "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]

SNEEZER: Hey. Where am I. Huh?

BOY. It sure is dark in here.

Yup. It sure is. It's...

Hey, is that a half-eaten anchovy over there?

I'm allergic to... Ah... Ah... Ah..

[SNEEZER SNEEZES]

SNEEZER: Hey. The only other time I sneezed this much...

was when I was around a kitty cat.

I'm really allergic to kitty... Kitty... Kitty...

[SNEEZER SNEEZES]

Aw. Pool babysitter. Ma'am. You look all pooped out.

Hey, I know what will cheer you up. Yes, sirree, I do, I do.

Here you are. Babysitter. Ma'am.

[YOWLING]

A nice bouquet of goldenrods.

Uh-oh.

Ah... Ah...

[YOWLING]

Ah... Choc. Bless me.

[GIGGLING]

Funball, I'm ashamed.

After all that, you didn't catch a thing?

Oh. You did? Well. Tell me boy. What is it?

Ah... Ah... Ah..

Gesundheit.

Of course, not every test here at Acme Loo is academic.

There's the test of speed.

The taste test.

[DIZZY DEVIL SNARLING]

And, of course, there's the test of true love.

[SIGHS]

For instance. Take Fowlmouth. Please.

He's been mooning over Shirley the Loon 10! Weeks.

He'd love to ask he! Out.

But Fowlmouth has just one little problem.

Ah. Dadgum it, I spilled ♪♪♪♪ milk all over my ♪♪♪♪ leathers!

Did I say “little problem“?

If I had a nickel for every ♪♪♪♪ time I spilled something...

___|'d be a rich I-I-I-I-i-I-I-I-i-I-I-I-guy...

I don't ♪♪♪♪ believe it.

-Aah! —I\I'lother told me there'd be ♪♪♪♪ days.

What? ♪♪♪♪ I don't believe ii. I got ♪♪♪♪ lunch got all soggy and...

[BURPS]

- Paldon me. - Fowlmouth swears so much...

his beak has been declared a toxic-waste dump.

What ♪♪♪♪, Buster. Look what I did. Iii-I-i-I-I-I-

Now Shirley will never ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ give me the time ol day.

Mm-mm.

Not until you clean up your mouth.

I ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ just gotta ask he! To the dance this Saturday.

Why do I feel a disaster earning on?

Hey. Yo. Shirley. Wait up.

Oh. Hello.

Listen. I just thought I'd take a dadgum chance here...

"because ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ I'm a guy. ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ you're a gill.

And ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ thought you'd like to go out on a date sometime.

SO. Uh. What ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ do you say?

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

Listen. Ears. I'm ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ in love.

I gotta get Shirley to be In? Lovebird.

Help me. Will you? Will you?

That's my weak spot. Vulnerable poultry.

Fowlmouth. You don't stand a chance till you cure your swearing habit.

Looks like I'll have to handle this Buster-style.

The Acme Behavior Modification System...

is guaranteed to bleak any and all bad habits.

[G HU HTS]

Now. Every time you swear. It'll let you know.

Reafly? Dadgum-x-x-x-x av-x-x-x av-x-x-x av-x-x-x.

Dadgum av-x-x-x av-x-x-x av-x-x-x awn-nee!

[BLEEPING]

Dadgurn -:|...:|...:|...:|- -ll... I... I... I... I... I... I... I-|.

Dadgum Mum!

[FOWLMOUTH BLEEPING]

With that and a cherry on top!

That's funny. It works on nail-biters.

Oh. Please. Buster. One more chance.

No way. You're hopeless. Fowlmouth.

FOWLMOUTH: Golly gosh. Buster.

You've just gotta help me beat my swearing habit.

It's the only way Shirley will like me. Lo! Heaven's sake.

No. Sorry. Fowl... “Golly gosh. Buster“?

F.M.. You just said three whole sentences without swearing.

Sure. There's little kids here. You know. What. Do you think I'm crude or something?

- That's ii, F.M. The cure to your problem. - |I is?

Shirley the Loon won't know what's come over you...

with a little help from old Buster here.

[CHANTING] Om. Or some junk.

Om.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Um. Good evening. Shirley.

Oh, like, goodbye, Mr. Bad Karma with feathers.

A," fight. Just a -I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I-_.

Goo.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, one moment, if you please.

I realize I did not make the best oi impressions on you today. Shirley.

Uh. Please allow me to make it up by escorting you home.

Like. Can you really keep your beak under control?

Uh-huh. Of course, my dear. You have my word.

And I'm tagging along to keep those words clean.

[GHOWLING]

Oh. Like. Maybe we'd better go around.

I'm getting totally hostile vibrations from that dog.

What, this gentle canine?

Ha. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

[SCREAMS]

Why. You dirty dead...

Uhmnaughty doggy.

Come. Shirley.

[WAILING]

SHIRLEY: Guy. Like. Thanks 10! Proving me wrong. F.M.

You're a totally way cool dude.

Uh. Does this mean you'll go to the dance with me Saturday?

I hope. I hope. I hope.

Hey, he's got it made.

Oh. You're sweet.

But I already promised Plucky I'd go with him.

- Plucky? - Plucky?

But call me sometime. Okay?

[GHOWLING]

"Hey, hey, listen, FJUI. You" You did great.

I... I mean. You know. You gave it your best shot...

and you proved you could carry on a conversation without swearing once.

[GHOWLING]

[CHYING]

[GHOWLING]

Rats. Oh. Well. Maybe next time.

Hey. Thanks anyway. Pal.

You're cured. Fowlmouth.

What do you ♪♪♪♪?

[BEEPING]

[WHISTLE BLARES]

[BABBLING]

[BLEEPING]

[BABBLING]

And that's a wrap.

[ENGLISH SDH]