Original subtitles

Come on, you guys, it's not getting any earlier.

Bub, you didn't make three lunches again.

I'm in college.

You know, I keep forgetting that.

Well, don't worry, Robbie can eat both of them.

Uh, are you gonna do the washing today?

You know Monday's my wash day.

Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure

you didn't wash that new sweater of mine.

How come?

Well, the last time you washed my brown sweater,

I guess you forgot to hang it up or something.

Now it's too small for Chip, even.

You telling me I don't know how to wash a sweater?

Oh, no, you wash them great!

It's... It's just that you're not so good

at keeping them from shrinking.

Get outta here, before I forget

I'm a gentle old grandfather.

So long. So long.

Hey, Bub, could you sew this button on my shirt for me?

I threaded the needle for you.

When are you worthless kids

gonna learn how to do your own chores?

Come over here.

Now stand still.

Hey, Bub, did you know we're out of peanut butter?

No, but I'll carry that

tender little thought around with me all day.

Oh, uh, by the way, Bub,

do you suppose we could have lamb chops

or something like that

for dinner tonight? Why?

Well, Hank's gonna eat over, and his mom usually asks him

what he has for dinner over here,

and so I want him to be able to say something decent.

I'm sorry, but she'll get a big shock,

because we're gonna have hot dogs.

Hurry up and get out of here, or you'll be late.

And you can have both those lunches.

Mike's too educated to eat.

Thanks. You're welcome.

I'll eat one in study hall.

All right. See you later, Bub.

Oh, wait a minute, Bub, uh, you better change my sheets,

'cause there's a great big hole down by where the feet are.

I see. Yeah, mine, too.

And there'll be a hole in your head,

if you don't get outta here.

Oh, Bub, I've got a couple of suits here for the cleaner.

Will you tell them just to press the brown one

and, uh, clean the gray one?

Press the brown suit, clean the gray suit.

No peanut butter. Buy some lamb chops.

What was that, Bub?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I'm just counting my blessings.

Oh.

Oh, and Bub, will you tell them

to fix the right-hand pocket in the brown pants?

I've got a hole in it and I'm losing change

and we can't afford that.

I'll see you.

Fix pocket of brown pants.

Change the sheets, don't shrink the sweater.

"Domestic Slaves Arise!"

Mm-hmm!

Hmm, not bad.

"Housewives are finding release from drudgery

through part-time employment."

"so I did something about it.

"I found a job as a hostess

"in a restaurant during the lunch hour.

"It was only part-time, but I met people,

"I was paid a small salary and I found myself

looking forward to something."

Steve, that dame's got the right idea!

Bub, somehow, I just can't see you

as a hostess in a restaurant.

Well, there are plenty of other part-time jobs.

You know, I think, sometimes,

when we feel we need a change of scenery,

all we really need is a good nap.

Well, I could use that, too.

Believe it or not, there are times when I feel

my job is the most boring thing in the world.

I suppose so.

I'm not trying to talk you out of anything, Bub.

It's just that, uh, well, I think most people get fed up

with what they're doing once in a while.

It's, uh, it's just restlessness, that's all it is.

Well, guess you're right.

Well, it was a good idea while it lasted.

Now, don't dirty those glasses!

We just got through cleaning them.

Okay, I'll drink it out of the bottle.

Here, dirty the glasses.

Speaking about dirty, Bub, we've run out of soap upstairs.

Under the sink.

Well, I'm not going up right now.

I'll get it later. Yes, you are.

Excuse me, Bub. Get me a glass, will you, Rob?

Why milk so soon?

You just had dinner.

That ham made us thirsty.

Yeah, how come we had ham for dinner, Bub?

I thought you said we were gonna have hot dogs.

You said that long-legged friend of yours would be disgraced

if we had hot dogs, so I had ham and he didn't show up.

Oh, well, that's because he's being punished for driving

his dad's car through the back of the garage.

Oh. Oh, by the way, Bub, uh,

this button's missing on my shirt again.

Oh, that's too bad.

And, Bub, I, uh, busted the zipper on my jacket.

Do you think you could put a new one on?

We'll see. I couldn't find any soap.

You better buy some.

Jeepers! What's the matter with you?

You got the peanut butter with the hunks in it.

I like the smooth kind.

Will you guys get out of my kitchen before I tear you apart?

Get out of here, all of you! Get out!

Go on, get out! You're in my way!

Never mind!

Bub, uh... what time are you going job hunting tomorrow?

First thing in the morning, right after breakfast.

Pardon me, is this the place you apply for jobs?

Well, let's put it this way:

I'm not exactly waiting for a bus.

Well, you don't have to get salty, uh, Clyde.

I just asked you a simple question.

Thank you.

Looks like you picked the wrong line, Jack.

Thanks, Rudy.

You better move over here, lady... that's the slow line.

No, this is all right, thank you.

You'll be sorry.

Next, please.

Well, uh, don't tell me you're about to get around to me.

That's what we're here for. Swell.

With my luck, I thought you'd be going out to lunch about now.

May I see your form, please?

My form?

Well, you should've taken a gander at that

while I was standing up.

May I see your form, please?

That's just an old vaudeville gag, you know?

What form?

Your application form.

I can't interview you for a position

unless you fill out an application form.

Nobody said anything to me about an application form.

Are you in the habit of getting into any line you happen to see

and not know why you are doing so?

No, I'm not.

But this is an employment office

and I knew you weren't selling fish!

Get an application form from the table over there.

Fill it out, and then bring it back.

Next.

You mean I have to get in that line again?

Of course you do.

Next.

Well, let me give you a little tip, Your Majesty.

I'll be working for you at about the same time they have

their next blizzard in Honolulu.

And do me a favor... Don't call me and I won't

call you.

Next!

I hope Bub's doing all right with his job hunting.

Well, why shouldn't he?

Well, you know how that Irish temper of his can be murder.

Well, you know,

he really doesn't mean it when he tells people off.

Yeah, that time he called Sudsy's father a fathead,

he said he was sorry almost the same day.

Next, please.

Hello. Well, hello.

Won't you sit down?

Well, that'll be a pleasure.

Uh, William Michael Francis Aloysious O'Casey.

Yes, ma'am.

And I'm all five of those fellows.

Oh, well, think nothing of it.

I'm Mary Margaret Kathleen Bridget O'Toole.

You don't say so?

Well, between the two of us,

we'd make a mighty fine crowd of Irishmen.

Yes.

Yeah.

Now, let me see,

you are applying for the position of, uh...

Uh, Mr. Collins wants you in his office.

I'll take over here.

Oh. All right.

Good-bye, Mr. O'Casey.

Good-bye.

Uh, William Mitchell Francis Aloysious O'Casey.

That's Michael, not Mitchell.

Oh, you should have printed, like it says here.

Oh, I didn't know it, uh,

said anything there about printing.

Well, it does.

All right, now I know.

Right here, plain as day: "Please Print."

Well, supposin' we forget all about whether I can print or not

and see if I'm qualified for one of these

silly jobs of yours?

I don't see how I can recommend you for a position,

if you can't even follow simple instructions.

You don't, huh?

No, I don't.

Well, I-I-I'll tell you why I didn't print it.

Because I knew if I did print it,

you and I might become coworkers.

And I want our relationship to remain

absolutely unprintable!

Good day, my dear.

Hey, Mike, shall I put some salt in the mashed potatoes?

Yeah, I guess a little won't hurt.

Okay.

Hey, Mike, do you think I should put a little grease

in the bottom of the pot before I put the beans in?

No, I don't think you can burn pork and beans.

The pork ought to melt and form an insulation.

Oh, I see.

Boy, I sure hope we're cooking enough stuff.

Well, what? Spaghetti, mashed potatoes

and beans ought to be enough.

I guess so.

Here, taste a little piece of this

and see if you think it's cooked enough.

Okay.

Book says to cook it till it's tender.

Well, it's not tough.

How long you been cooking it?

Well, about an hour, I guess.

I'll leave it in another half hour, just to make sure.

Yeah.

Boy, I can't wait to see the look on Bub's face

when he finds out we cooked the whole dinner.

Yeah.

How do you like it, Bub?

I never tasted anything like it.

Well, the, uh, spaghetti got a little soggy,

but what difference does it make

whether it's in strings or in lumps?

Chemically, it's the same thing.

You don't have to salt your potatoes.

I did that when I was mashing them.

Thank you.

Mike, you were wrong about the pork

forming an insulation for the beans.

They got burned.

Yeah, I noticed.

Maybe you should've stirred them more.

Yeah.

You know, you fellows cooked a swell dinner,

but-but it's all starch.

You should have made some greens.

We did... limeade!

Boy, I sure wish Dad hadn't worked late this week.

Yeah, yeah.

He doesn't know what he's missing.

Then, after fighting with those gargoyles

at the employment office all day,

I came home and the boys nearly killed me off

with the dinner they made.

The, uh, boys cooked the dinner, hmm?

Like nothing you have ever tasted.

Bless their little hearts.

You're lucky you were stuck at the office.

Bub, are you, uh, still determined to get a job?

Yeah, Steve.

Right or wrong, it's something

I simply got to get out of my system.

All right.

I talked to Jack Murphy today.

His father runs the Phillips Company downtown.

Phillips Company?

You mean that big, ritzy department store?

That's right.

They're having a special year-end sale,

and Jack tells me they need salesmen.

He's already put a word in for you

with the personnel department.

Well, well... well, how about that!

There's just one thing, Bub.

Uh, Phillips is kind of a conservative outfit,

and their clientele is...

Are you trying to tell me not to blow my top?

Well, in a way, yes.

You just can't afford the luxury of a temper, Bub,

when you're waiting on people.

It's a type of subservience that you're not used to.

What do you think I am, a ten-year-old kid or something?

No, no, I'm just trying to say that...

You must think I'm some kind of a fathead

that gets sore at people for no reason.

What do you think you're doing right now?

I'm not sore, I-I'm just yelling a little.

Oh.

Look, Bub, suppose you were waiting on somebody.

Now, how could a complete stranger

possibly tell the difference?

You know, you're right, and I never thought of that.

Tomorrow it's going to be O'Casey,

the mild and meek little lamb from County Clare.

Oh, I don't know, um...

Let's see the other pair.

Yes, ma'am.

Happy to show you.

Yeah, but, uh, hold 'em up in front of you,

so that I can see how my husband'll look in 'em.

You and he are about the same size.

Uh, do you think they're long enough?

My husband likes to wrap his socks around his legs.

He must be a contortionist.

What?

Uh, nothing. Never mind.

If you'll pardon me, madam,

I don't see that it makes any difference how they look.

This is underwear, not a tuxedo.

Well, I see 'em, and my family sees 'em.

My husband works very hard, poor dear.

Very often he'll spend an entire Sunday in one of these.

Well, he must look great in church.

I didn't come here for your opinions.

I came to buy underwear.

Is that so?

Well, then, why don't you?

I mean...

why don't you let me hold them up

and you take a real good look, and you can see exactly

how your husband will look in this set of threads.

Hey, how come you're slopping the meat around in that sand?

That's not sand.

Those are cracker crumbs.

I told you, I'm making breaded veal cutlets.

Oh.

Hey, Mike, if beans burn with pork in 'em,

I'll bet asparagus burns even worse.

That's probably true... They're mostly cellulose.

No kidding?

Well, I better put something in so they won't burn.

Sure feels funny not having Bub around.

Yeah, with both him and Dad working,

the whole house seems different.

One thing, though...

It sounds kind of funny,

but it sort of makes me feel good

to know that, by cooking the dinner,

we're making Bub's life a little easier for him.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, how do you like it, Bub?

Mmm! Swell!

Well, the-the, uh,

the meat's tender enough on the veal cutlets.

It's just the, uh, the crumbs

are a little tough.

Oh, Bub, you have to sort of spear the asparagus.

How come?

Well, they're a little slippery from the corn oil.

You mean you put corn oil on the asparagus?

Well, sure, keeps it from burning.

You don't have to salt the potatoes.

I already did.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, Chip, why don't you get the dessert?

Okay.

How come you put milk in the dessert dishes?

It's not milk.

Bub, that's cup custard.

Well, it's a little loose, isn't it?

Well, what's the difference if it's a liquid or a solid?

Chemically, MIKE: Chemically...

it's the same thing.

Haven't we anything better to do

than lean on the counters, Mr. O'Casey?

I was just straightening out the merchandise, Mr. Tully.

We didn't start straightening out the merchandise

until we saw me approaching, did we?

It won't happen again, Mr. Tully.

This is a Phillips store, not a poolroom, Mr. O'Casey.

I said it won't happen again, Mr. Tully.

Are we raising our voice at me, Mr. O'Casey?

Oh, no, I'm not.

I just wanted to be sure you heard me

the first time, Mr. Tully.

I see.

You have a customer.

Oh, th... thank you, Mr. Tully.

What can I do for you, madam?

I'm looking for a jacket for my little boy.

The boys' department is right over there.

We've been there.

They sent us over here.

Will you follow me, please, madam?

Oh, uh, what size does he take?

I don't know; he keeps on growing.

I see, I see.

Well, we'll fix him up in a minute, just...

Take it off... let me get this tape measure here...

Here.

What's your name, young fella?

Cletus Bleeker.

Cletus Bleeker?

Gee, that's a swell name, isn't it?

You know, I've got three grandsons at home.

Who cares?

Huh?

Gosh, uh... you're not afraid to talk up, are you?

Now, just put your arms out, please.

Uh-huh, just hit me in the face with that

and you're gonna have a bad afternoon.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.

What?!

Uh, I haven't said a word to him, madam.

We're just trying to get his measurements.

But you won't interfere; we'll...

come out all right, uh...

There we are; we'll get your coat.

It'll fit you, too.

Here, this looks like one that ought to do the trick.

Here we are.

Oh, that's gabardine.

Yes, it's gabardine. Yes!

All wool but the zipper.

Oh.

Slide your hand right in there, Cletus.

There, now the other one.

There we are.

Oh, nice. Pull it... pull it up a little bit in back there.

Hey, where's my ice cream?

Do you mean you were stupid enough

to put the jacket on over the ice-cream cone?

He didn't say anything to me.

Hey, my elbow's getting cold.

Well, take the jacket off, Cletus!

Really, that was a very foolish thing to do.

Anyone could see

the child was eating an ice-cream cone.

Yes, ma'am.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Come along, Junior.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

How is he, Dad?

Well, he's, uh,

mumbling a little, but he's sound asleep.

Jeepers, it's only 8:30.

I want him to help me with my geography.

You know, Dad, I thought he said

he was going to take just a part-time job.

He's been gone every day for three days.

Well, Robbie, you know how these year-end sales are.

Sometimes they last for months.

Months?!

How am I going to get any of my phone messages?

Yeah, and Mike makes terrible lunches.

I ate one of my lunches today.

Know something? He's right.

Besides, Dad, it's no fun

coming home from school anymore

to a house that's all empty.

Have you fellas told that to Bub?

Well, no, not in so many words, but he knows how we feel.

Yeah, I suppose he does.

Anyway, I think it won't be too long

before Bub's back with us again.

Oh, really? How come, Dad?

Well, any tremendous force,

like, uh... well, say, the Mississippi River,

can be held in check just so long.

Sooner or later, it has to break

through the levee.

What's that mean?

It means that you can stall

the Mississippi River for so long.

Eventually, it's got to break through the levee.

That's what Dad said.

I still don't know what it means.

Yeah, what does it mean, Dad?

Well, the Irish temper is a tremendous force, and...

Oh, you think Bub's about ready to blow a fuse.

I know all the signs.

Frankly, I'll be very surprised if he lasts through tomorrow.

Jeepers, I wish I knew what everybody was talking about.

Look, squirt, Bub's gonna get mad

and he's gonna start hollering

at somebody at the store, and he's gonna get fired

and then he's gonna come home to us.

Oh, boy!

My good man.

Oh, hi. I was just pretending

to straighten out some of the merchandise.

I'm looking for Frederick.

Who's he?

He's the man who always waits on me.

Well, I'm sorry,

there are only two other gentlemen in this department...

A Mr. Chester and a Mr. Giovanni.

Something tells me that Frederick got canned.

Oh, nonsense.

Mr. Tully.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Dennis; may I be of assistance?

Yes, I was looking for Frederick.

Well, I'm afraid Frederick is no longer with us.

I told you Frederick got canned.

Mr. O'Casey here will help you.

Mr. Dennis is one of our most cherished customers.

Well, I'll do the best I can for him.

I'll treat him just like an in-law.

Well, I, uh... yes.

Well, let's see now.

I'll need some socks, a belt, and a new hat.

Socks, belt, and a new hat.

Well, the belts are right here.

Will you step right over here?

Let's see, now, something in a nice alligator.

Well, I don't believe we have any nice alligators.

We have a couple of, uh, nasty crocodiles.

That's a little, uh, old vaudeville humor,

if you don't mind.

Just a belt, please.

Yes, sir.

About a 40?

Forty?

I'm a 32.

I was speaking of your waist.

Just give me one of those in a 32, please.

Yes, sir.

Do you like that one?

Remember, you can't let 'em out.

Don't forget I told you that.

Now, step over here.

The hats are right down here in this department.

I'll pick you out a nice hat.

Well, here we are.

Now, what did you have in mind?

Another homburg, black one.

And before you measure my head by ear,

my size is 7 1/8.

7 1/8... Yes, yes.

In a black homburg. Yes.

Yes, sir.

Now, we'll try and take care of you.

Well, here's a black homburg,

but I don't think we have another 7 1/8.

This is a seven.

No, no, seven; seven is too small.

It might be a large seven.

No, seven is too small.

Do you mind trying this?

I always wear 7 1/8; seven is too small. Oh, come on.

Let's have a go at it anyhow, can't you?

Just a moment.

Oh, well, if I had hair like that, I'd never wear a hat.

Now, do you mind if I put this number seven on?

It's going to be too small. I'm sure it'll fit.

It's going to be too tight. Just let me try it, will you?!

Take it off, I said take it... Don't be...

Will you take it off?! Try the hat on!

Now...

I'd like to look at some socks, if you don't mind.

Well, are we going to look at some socks,

or are we going to stand here

and look at each other all day, eh?

I'm packing up.

Oh, here's your doily.

Thank you.

So when I started to laugh,

this geezer with the carnation in his buttonhole

fired me right on the spot.

You're, uh, sure he didn't fire you

for telling somebody off?

Sure I'm sure.

What do you think I am,

some kind of a delinquent or something?

No.

As a matter of fact, I'm very proud of you, Bub.

Well, that's better.

Hi, Dad; hi, Bub. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

I'm gonna run Chip and Rob down to the park.

Is there anything I can get you?

No, thanks, Mike; just be careful.

All right. Okay.

Wait a minute, wait a minute now.

No torn shirts, no buttons off, no zippers stuck?

Heck no, Bub. Uh, not this time.

No, Bub, uh, not a thing. Uh-uh, not at all.

What's going on here, Steve?

Well, Bub, I guess the boys don't want you to leave again.

Well, I'm not gonna leave.

Even a fathead finally learns his lesson.

Well, in that case,

you never did put the zipper in my jacket.

Oh, by the way, Bub, I have a blue shirt up in my closet

that doesn't have any buttons at all.

As a matter of fact, Bub...

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right!