Original subtitles

- Careful, Midknights. Watch your step.

- Eyes on your surroundings. - Aww.

Hey, buddy.

- Simon! No talking to squirrels!

- OK. - [blows raspberry]

- Are you all right, Max? - Of course.

I'm totally fine. Just stay vigilant, people.

OK, I'm not totally fine.

Honestly, I don't exactly feel unstoppable at the moment.

I mean, sure, there's a prophecy about me,

but after we nearly got boiled alive by trolls the other day,

I'm thinking it's a good idea to play it safe.

Come on, everyone!

Stay alert! We won't get hurt!

- Ouch! - Hey, look.

The path splits in two.

- Ah, the proverbial fork in the road.

Happy Garden Trail.

Well, I dare say that sounds pleasant or-

Trail of the Dead.

[crow cawing]

- [sneezes] - [screams]

- Sorry. Hay fever.

- [sneezes] - Sleeve?

Note to self, invent tissues.

- Which way does the old daggerino say to go?

- Um- - Oh, I hope it's not that way.

The Trail of the Dead gives me goosebumps!

Get it? Goosebumps.

- Ugh. - Ugh!

Huh?

[dagger humming]

[crow cawing]

[all gasp]

- I don't like this dagger's sense of direction.

Hmm.

According to this map, both paths

lead to the same destination.

So in actuality, we could take

the Happy Garden Trail and still arrive

where the dagger is instructing us to go.

But I defer to you, Max, our brave leader.

- [laughs nervously] Brave leader.

That's me.

I know what you're thinking.

"Max, listen to the magic dagger."

But come on, if both these roads

lead to the same spot, why go down the trail

with the word "dead" in it.

I'm trying to play it safe here, remember?

Sorry, dagger. Happy Garden Trail it is.

- Thank goodness. - [sneezes]

Sorry, daggerino.

- I'm not sure you all got my joke from before.

That road gave me goosebumps!

- Because I'm a goose. - We get it!

[upbeat music]

- ? Lotta people tellin' me what I should be ?

? But I wanna make my own destiny ?

- [growls] - ? Got a feelin' ?

? That it might be time for me ?

- ? To find my own way ? - [grunts]

- ? 'Cause I can feel it in my heart ?

? It takes a lot to be brave, but just a little to start ?

? Let's go take a million chances ?

? Let's go change our circumstances ?

? I'm gonna write my own story ?

? And the hero is me ?

Excellent news, sire.

We have found Max and the Midknights.

Oh, finally!

Oh, bring them in, bring them in!

I want to see their idiotic little faces

before we chop off their heads. [laughs]

Wait, who in the blooming onion are they?

- We're Gayle and the Goodknights,

Byjovia's hottest new garage band.

- I'm sorry. What is a garage?

Hit it, guys.

? You just got here ?

? So please don't say I've got to leave ?

? I just can't stay ?

? And if you go, I don't think I'll get over you ?

? So change your tune, don't say ?

? Good bye-Jovia ?

Lute drop.

[lute clatters]

- Ugh. Away!

Take them away!

And outlaw all lute music immediately.

You've allowed Max and the Midknights

to slip through your fingers.

They've likely escaped the city limits by now.

Shall I send a search party?

- Of course, send a search party,

you nattering nitwit! Bring me my two best men.

[dramatic music]

[horses galloping]

[grunts]

[horses galloping]

Uh...

- Bah! - Sir Barley.

And Sir Bean.

- Reporting for highness, Your Duty.

- Ugh. Ugh! Ah!

These are my two best men?

By a long shot.

Fear not, my lord.

We'll capture Mark and the Moonlights.

- It's Max and the Midknights, you moron!

- Oh. - My apologies, Your Highness.

Rest assured, nothing escapes our eagle eyes.

[squawks] Let's show him, Bean.

Eh, we see far.

- We see wide. - [grunts]

[together] We see all!

[soft dramatic music]

- [gasps] This place is amazing!

Hey, Kev, write this in your book.

- And on day ten, Max and the Midknights

were rewarded for playing it safe.

- You took the words right out of my quill.

- Does anyone else hear that singing?

[singing vibrant melody]

- Yeah, and call me a silly goose,

but uh, I think it's the flowers singing.

- [laughs] Why, that's preposterous.

Flowers aren't equipped with vocal cords.

- These ones sure are. Look.

[flowers singing vibrant melody]

? ?

Sweet mother of flora.

[quirky music]

? ?

Look, Barley, footprints.

- Huh? Whoa, horsey.

Ah! Oh.

Affirmative.

It's the fugitives' footprints.

Perhaps they stopped at this tavern.

And they appear to be traveling with a goose.

- Or a tiny web-footed child.

You know, I've seen one of those before.

- Oh! - No, you haven't.

- Oh, really? Do you have my eyes?

Do you know everything I've seen?

Hmm? Huh?

- Our rides are leaving without us!

Ah! Oi! Come back!

[horse neighing]

Everything's amazing!

So pretty.

Oh, man, it smells so good.

[flowers singing together] ? We are so delighted ?

? You came upon our garden fair ?

? Prance under our petals ?

- I can't smell anything. [sneezes]

- ? We are hungry for an audience ?

- Hmm? Pipe down, buddy.

Anyone feel like dancing?

- Dancing? - Whoo-hoo!

? La la la la la ?

? La la la la la ?

[laughter]

What is happening right now?

[all laughing and humming]

Uh, guys?

Quite right, Edmund.

You are so smart.

It should be more gruesome. Ugh!

What are you doing?

- We're discussing how to torture Max and the Midknights

when they're finally captured.

- I say we catapult them off the highest tower!

- And I say we make them sing the wheels on the oxcart

go round and round until they go insane.

Oh, you two are diabolical!

I love it! I love it! I love it! I love it!

I love it! [laughs]

- Your focus should not be on these wretched children,

but on finding Mumblin.

If we don't find him, he could threaten your reign.

[whispering indistinctly]

My advisors say you make a good point.

Proceed.

- Luckily, the bumbling old coot

left something behind. These numbers are out of order.

And if we determine the meaning of this word,

B-I-N-G-O,

it could reveal Mumblin's true whereabouts!

[all snoring]

[sneezes]

Well, that song sure was nice and all,

but shouldn't we get going?

Hey, Millie, you dropped your wand.

Magic schmagic.

[chuckles] I'm relaxing.

Relaxing?

Budrick, want to flap those wings and fly the coop?

You know, 'cause you're a bird.

Get it?

- [sighs] Got it.

Not getting up.

[soft dramatic music]

- Max, shouldn't we keep moving?

Why move when we can sit.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

You glow. Big whoop.

- Uh, crazy thought, but maybe the dagger

wants us to stop lying around and get back to the mission-

[sneezes]

- Forget the mission. - Forget the mission?

OK, what is going on?

You're all acting super weird.

Kevyn doesn't care about writing,

Millie doesn't care about magic,

your uncle Budrick doesn't care about goose jokes,

and you don't care about the mission!

What mission?

- The mission we've all been on for the last ten days.

Follow the dagger, find King Conrad, save Byjovia!

- Remember? - Relax, man.

You are so harshing my vibe.

You know what?

I'm getting a bad feeling about this place.

Something's not right- huh?

Suspicions confirmed.

Flowers have tied me to the ground.

- [grunts] - I can't move.

Me either.

Me too.

- It's not a big deal. Look.

OK, this might be a problem.

My dagger!

Simon, I think you might be onto something here.

I am so tired of being right!

- Listen, the flowers are singing again.

[flowers singing ominous melody]

[flowers singing together] ? We are so delighted ?

? You came upon our garden field ?

? Prance under our petals ?

? Breathe deep the fragrant air ?

? We're hungry for an audience ?

? Starving for applause ?

? Let us sing you off to sleep ?

? Relax inside his jaws ?

? Ha ha ha ha ha ?

[screams]

? Ha ha ha ha ?

- Did they just say "inside his jaws?"

Um, who is he?

[suspenseful music]

[roaring]

[all screaming]

This seems fine.

- What an extraordinary way of hunting,

luring your prey into submission

via delightful song and intoxicating aromas?

- Quite ingenious. - Wait a minute!

Simon, how come you weren't affected, huh?

Were you working with the flowers?

- I wasn't working with the flowers, Millie.

It was my hay fever.

[sneezes] I couldn't smell a thing.

- Ooh, yep. It's snot city up there.

- Perhaps this is why the dagger told us

- to take the other path. - Uh. No!

The dagger is gone. Where is it?

It's got to be around here somewhere.

[tense music]

? ?

Ah!

Uh, anything?

- No dagger, but would you settle

for a second-hand garden gnome?

Get that thing out of here.

That dagger was the one thing

that could lead us to King Conrad.

And if we don't have it, we can't find him,

and it's goodbye prophecy.

I was trying to keep us out of danger,

and instead, I led us into an even bigger mess.

[sighs] Well, if I can't save Byjovia,

at least I can try to get us all out of here.

Ooh, I've got an idea!

- Let me guess. What goes in must come out?

- No. OK, yes.

You know me so well, Simon.

- Uh, how about we explore some other options?

Maybe we can get out the way we came in.

- It seems they've headed down the Happy Garden Trail.

Oh, phew!

I didn't want to go down the Trail of the Dead.

Onward, horsey. Whoa!

Whoa!

Hey, you get back here.

Forget it.

We'll just continue on foot.

But those horses are long gone.

- Something spooked them, Barley.

Maybe this Happy Garden Trail isn't as peaceful as it looks.

[flowers singing vibrant melody]

Oh, I don't know.

I hear a lovely singing coming from down there.

- Let's go! - [giggles]

Small question.

How do we open its mouth?

- You're the animal guy. Try talking to it.

Fine!

Hey, Mr. Garden Beast, will you please let us out?

[roaring]

Guessing that's a no.

- Guys, you're forgetting that there's a magical person

here, a.k.a. moi.

Simon, wand me.

Ha!

[spirited orchestral music]

? ?

- All you did was whiten its teeth!

- Yeah, that was a mistake, although he did have

some serious coffee stains. You're welcome, Garden Beast.

[roaring]

Step aside, kids.

I'll handle this.

Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo.

Who's a little ticklish monster-wonster?

Who is? Who is?

I guess not this guy. [sighs]

[laughing]

- Barley, we truly are the best seekers in the land,

- aren't we? - Undoubtedly, Bean.

- We see far. - We see wide.

[together] We see all!

[growls]

[both screaming]

Come on, guys.

This is our chance!

[gasps]

[both screaming]

Ugh!

[both gasp]

- Spirits and mystic, poet and bard,

reveal the secrets of Mumblin's card.

- B-18.

I-23.

What did you say?

Ugh!

[ominous music]

Yes! There he is.

Mumblin.

- He's assembling an army of sorcerers.

Oh.

- Oh! - [groans]

- Hey! - Look, Barley.

It's Max and the Midknights. And the goose!

I told you it was a goose.

- For your information, I happen to be a troubadour.

Blimey!

He talks!

- Well, whatever occupation this goose may hold,

you are all under arrest!

- You can't arrest us after we've

just been swallowed by a monster.

It's true.

You have no jurisdiction inside the belly of this beast.

- Hmm. They make a good point, Barley.

Keep quiet, Bean.

We already drew our swords.

- How about we call a temporary truce

and work together to get out of here?

- Hmm. - Oh.

Should we really cooperate with the fugitives?

What would King Gastley say?

- Well, he'd never have to know, would he?

Besides, we are trapped in here.

Maybe we can figure out how to get out on our own.

- I say, have you tried tickling the beast?

Yup, didn't work.

- The tiny web-footed child

says tickling is a non-starter.

Then we have no choice, Bean.

Very well.

We've decided to accept the temporary truce.

- Yeah, we heard everything you just said.

Oh, great.

- Not the sharpest tools in the shed, are they?

OK, that's settled.

Let's find a way out of this thing's mouth.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Ah, ah!

[all screaming]

- Just when you think things can't get any worse.

Incredible.

We now appear to be in the second stomach of the beast.

I would surmise, as with dolphins and cows,

this chamber is for digesting.

[together] Digesting?

See?

These teeth must be for grinding down

tough food and bones.

Cool!

- Ah! - Oh!

Oh, no.

[dramatic music]

- Maybe we can get out of this second stomach

and back to the first stomach.

- Come on! Start climbing!

? ?

My dagger!

? ?

- Everyone, wait! - Wait?

- We've got to follow the dagger.

I ignored it earlier.

I took the wrong path because I was scared,

and that was a mistake.

Guys, we can't fight it.

The only way through this thing is through this thing.

- Are you saying what I think you're saying?

- Do you know what they're talking about?

- Not a clue. - No.

But would you mind asking?

- Uh, no problem. - Yeah, thank you.

- Cheers. - Oh, sorry.

[laughs] What are you proposing?

- We will follow the path of digestion

to its natural conclusion.

- Making room for lunch? - Building a log cabin?

Going number two?

- Well, um, how can you go a number?

- We're going to have to get pooped out.

- Oh! - Oh!

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, I know that.

Oh, no.

This is gonna be awesome!

I believe we're about to make scientific history.

- Well, I'd rather make history some other way.

Max, are you sure about this?

- Not at all. Now come on!

[grunts]

- Whoa! - Whoo-hoo!

[screams]

[upbeat music]

? ?

[stomach gurgles]

[farts]

- It worked! [laughs]

So disgusting and amazing!

- Oh, I'm so glad I can't smell right now.

- Let's do that again! - Yeah-hoo!

- I gotcha, buddy. [sighs]

I swear I'll listen to you from now on.

- Wait, where are the other two?

Ugh.

We can't leave those two dimwits behind.

Hey, we heard that.

And yes, please don't.

All right, everyone.

Pull!

[all grunting]

[farts]

[laughter]

- We're alive! - We're free!

[both sniffing]

[together] You're disgusting!

Oh.

Thank you for saving us.

No need to thank us.

We're not out of the woods yet.

[roaring]

- I think it's coming back for seconds.

The dagger says, run!

[energetic music]

[roars]

? ?

[roaring]

? ?

Come on!

I think if we get to the sign, we'll be out of its reach.

Hurry, Uncle Budrick.

You try waddling fast.

It's harder than it looks.

Max!

[honking]

? ?

[dramatic music]

? ?

[all screaming]

[all cheering]

- They keep shouting out these stupid numbers.

I still have no idea where Mumblin is!

Ah!

- She's lost it. Hmm.

Did it ever occur to you that something important

- was written on the back? - The back?

Well, I would have seen that, but, uh,

- your socks were distracting me. - Uh-huh, right.

- Do I sense sarcasm? - Sarcasm? Me?

[laughs nervously] No.

- Good. Because I don't like sarcasm!

Noted.

Copyright,

Shady Acres Home for Aged Sorcerers,

Rackleff, Maine, 1979.

[gasps] Mumblin's hiding in the future.

- The future? - Bingo.

- Bingo!

[snoring]

[gasping] Doris.

- [bleats] - I just had a very bad dream.

- And we're back where we started.

Yep.

And I get a second chance to get it right.

Well, fellas, I do believe this is where we part ways.

Yeah, about that,

while we appreciate you not leaving us in the, um, uh-

Caboose?

Posterior? Not front?

The rear.

Let's call it the rear of that creature.

I'm afraid our temporary truce must cease.

- You are hereby under arrest! - Uh, think again.

- Hey, untie us. Come on!

Hey!

- Bye, guys. Nice meeting you!

- Bye-bye. Nice meeting you, too.

- I mean, no, wait, wait. No, come back.

- Trail of the Dead, here we come.

[sighs]

Ah.

[tender music]

It's OK to be nervous, Max.

Like you said, the only way through this thing

is through this thing.

[uplifting music]

OK.

Guys ready?

The dagger still says to go this way.

- Yep. - Ready.

You got it.

- Well, what are we waiting for?

- And so, as Max and the Midknights embarked

on the next leg of their journey,

they were emboldened by a newfound sense of hope.

For, after one had survived being devoured and...

[clears throat] Evacuated

by a giant plant monster,

it is difficult to imagine that things could get any worse.

Maybe you're right, Kev.

Maybe we have seen the worst of it.

[dramatic music]

? ?

- ? We are so delighted you came upon our garden field ?

? Prance under our petals ?

? Breathe deep the fragrant air ?

? We're hungry for an audience ?

? Starving for applause ?

? Let us sing you off to sleep ?

? Relax inside his jaws ?

? Ha ha ha ha ha ?

? Ha ha ha ha ?

? Ha ha ha ha ?

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