Original subtitles

- [roars]

[villagers scream]

[sheep bleats]

[dramatic music]

[flames crackling]

[upbeat rock music]

- ? Oh ?

[roars]

- ? Oh ?

Let's do this.

[roars]

Ha! You missed.

I thought I was fighting a dragon,

not a kitten with wings.

Seriously? That's all you got?

[screams]

[growls]

Over here.

[driving rock music]

? ?

- [vocalizing]

? ?

Aah!

[gasps] Hmm.

- Good dream? - Yeah. The best.

- Let me guess: you were playing a packed amphitheater,

and the crowd won't let you leave the stage.

They keep cheering, "We love you!

Encore! Sign my baby!"

Uh, yeah, you guessed it!

Not to worry, Max.

All your dreams will come true

when you're a troubadour like me someday.

- [laughs lightly] A troubadour? Can't wait.

[string twangs] [grimaces]

[upbeat music]

- ? Lotta people tellin' me what I should be ?

? But I wanna make my own destiny ?

? Got a feelin' that it might be time for me ?

- ? To find my own way ? - [grunts]

- ? 'Cause I can feel it in my heart ?

? It takes a lot to be brave, but just a little to start ?

? Let's go take a million chances ?

? Let's go change our circumstances ?

? I'm gonna write my own story ?

? And the hero is me ?

[lively music]

? ?

- So here's how this whole troubadour thing

is supposed to work.

You roll into some random town,

a crowd gathers,

you put on a show, the crowd applauds

and throws money at you...

- Huzzah! - Bravo!

[cheers and applause]

So beautiful.

The voice of an angel.

- And you use that money to buy food

and avoid starving to death.

Sounds good, right?

Only thing is, that's not quite how this usually goes for us.

[tape squeaking]]

[rooster crows]

- ? Come gather round, farmers and weavers and nurses ?

[crowed jeering] ? I'll sing you a song ?

? That has 4,289 verses ?

- Boo! - Stop!

- My pigs sing better! - [grunts]

- Definitely not the voice of an angel.

- I just try to collect as much food

as I can before things get ugly,

which should be in about three, two-

Chase them out!

There it is.

- Impale the troubadour! - [shrieks]

Run, Max! Run away!

- Get out of here! [crowd clamoring]

[horse neighs]

? ?

[crowd yelling]

- Ha, I think that was one of our better shows.

- Uh-huh. Yeah, here, hold these.

Oh, wait, Max!

Don't worry, I've got this!

[grunts]

[pants]

There are tracks ahead!

- I think they went this way! - This way!

Works every time.

Oof!

[adventurous music]

[horse neighs]

? ?

Whoa!

Okay, I guess being a troubadour isn't all bad.

- Uh-oh. - Go! Go! Go!

[horse neighs]

I hate entertainment!

- Whoa. - Why are you stopping?

Aren't we still in pitchfork range?

No, look!

- By Jove, it's Byjovia! Never thought I'd see it again.

- You've been there? - Ha! I grew up there.

- What? - I lived there

till my tenth birthday, when I ran away.

If I'd have stayed in Byjovia, I would have had to become-

brace yourself for this, Max-

a knight. Bleh!

A knight?

- In Byjovia, every boy must follow

in their father's footsteps.

My father was a knight,

so that meant I had to be a knight.

And the minute I turned ten,

my dad just couldn't wait to enroll me in knight school.

- Byjovia has a school for knights?

- Ju-just terrible, which is why I had to leave!

- So hold up, you're telling me you left all that

to become a troubadour?

Of course I did!

I had to follow my heart, Max.

Why be what someone else wants you to be

when you can be who you are?

Like how we're both meant to be troubadours.

Yeah, about that.

Uh, the thing is, uh, there's a guy

with a dagger right behind you.

- We talking little friendly dagger

or big stabby stabby one?

Big stabby stabby one.

What he said.

Aah!

Run, Max!

[struggling]

Um.

[groans]

Oof.

Max, you're incredible!

Oh, stop. It was nothing.

[horse whinnies]

- Whoops. - Dusty, come back!

[mutters groggily]

- Uh, let's go, Max, before he wakes up.

- Uh, wait! Let's go that way. To Byjovia.

But the open road.

That's where two troubadours like us are meant to be.

- Look around- the wagon's gone,

which means we have no food and nowhere to sleep.

I think Byjovia's our best bet.

- At least for a little while. - [grunts]

Aah! Byjovia it is!

[bright music]

? ?

[grunts] Hmm.

Ha!

What? It's not stealing if he tried to rob us first.

? ?

- You know, Max, the more I think about it,

you're really gonna like Byjovia.

It's clean, safe,

and King Conrad really cares about his people.

Why else would he institute

Two-For-One Turkey Leg Tuesdays?

[discordant trumpets]

[townspeople coughing]

Quickly, get that rat!

That's dinner! [spits]

Oh, that's nice!

- Uh, Uncle Budrick? - Piping hot garbage!

- Uh, how can I put this nicely?

Your hometown is a total garbage dump.

- Gardyloo! [pigs snorting]

Stay away from my pigs!

- [coughs violently] - Oh.

How can King Conrad allow such squalor?

What happened?

"In memory of King Conrad."

Oh.

[dismal western music]

? ?

- [yawns] Good morning, Kevyn.

Hey-hey, shouldn't you be in the barn helping your father?

- Indeed I should, but I'm working

on my latest story-

a grand adventure about a hero who steals

from the rich to give to the-

- No feeding the poor! - [gasps]

- Hey, you can't- - Apologies.

This one's not right in the head.

We're on our way to see the exorcist?

Let's go, Max.

- What kind of town lets their people starve?

- [chomps] - Salutations, strangers.

I'm Kevyn, and I'm here to welcome you to...

A five, six, seven, eight.

crowd: ? Byjovia, it's a utopia ?

? Byjovia ?

- ? Food? We have cornucopias ?

But there's nothing there.

- ? Ignore all the cockroach-ias ?

crowd: ? In Byjovia ?

- Are these people out of their minds?

crowd: ? We think you'll love our town ?

? See, the infrastructure's sound ?

My legs!

crowd: ? Joy and happiness abounds ?

? Since Gastley was crowned King of Byjovia ?

? Byjovia ?

- King Gastley? [crowd gasps]

Oh, love that guy!

Who's King Gastley?

- [quietly] Shh! Sing to remain inconspicuous.

? Who's King Gastley? ?

? When I lived here ?

? He was just a prince ?

? King Conrad's younger brother ?

? His breath would make you wince ?

? Clipped his toenails in the market ?

Bleh! I'm convinced!

- What did you say? - Uh, huzzah!

Oh, huzzah!

crowd: ? Our poor are plump and perky ?

- ? You a foodie? ? crowd: ? Try the rat jerky ?

? The water in the well ?

- Well, it's murky. - Mama!

- Don't like it? Tough turkey. - Mmm, chewy water! Yum!

crowd: ? Welcome to Byjovia ?

We love it here!

- If only King Conrad could reappear!

[gasps] crowd: ? We love Byjovia ?

? Through the streets, we all must slink ?

? But mustn't frown, nay, even blink ?

? Lest we be jailed for what we thinks ?

- ? Everything is clean and nice ?

- ? Even all our lice have lice ?

- ? Food feels like more if you take small bites ?

- ? If we could vote, we'd vote Gastley twice ?

- ? If you didn't, you'd pay the price in ?

crowd: ? Byjovia ?

? It's a utopia, Byjovia ?

[fireworks whistling]

Hmm, good song.

Little pitchy, but yeah, not bad.

- So let me get this straight-

Byjovia is a miserable sinkhole,

but if the people say anything bad about

this King Gastley guy, they're thrown in the dungeon?

[whispers] Or worse.

Now come, come, come.

It's not safe to talk here.

[eerie music]

? ?

[bells ringing]

[chicken clucks]

[peaceful music]

- [burping] Oh!

That was delicious, ma'am.

Please, call me Alice.

And I wish I could have offered you more,

but food's hard to come by in Byjovia.

I can't believe it.

Everything is so different than it used to be.

- So what happened to King Conrad?

- [squeals] I'm so glad you asked, Max.

[clears throat] I have been chronicling that very tale

in this book I'm writing.

"The reign of King Conrad the Kind

"was happy and prosperous until one day the king learned

"that a dragon was on a rampage outside the city,

"laying waste to villages and fields.

"In order to keep Byjovia safe,

"he bravely rode out with a group

"of his most trusted knights to slay the beast.

"But tragically, King Conrad and the others never returned.

"A search party was sent, but all they found was

King Conrad's battered shield and broken crown."

- That's weird. Wonder why he left those behind.

- Because he got eaten by a dragon!

- Oh, yeah, that makes sense. - Precisely.

"And on that very day,

"Gastley's forces seized the castle,

and Gastley took the throne."

[ominous thud]

And ever since, Byjovia has suffered

at King Gastley's cruel hands.

[sniffs] Rest in peace,

Two-For-One Turkey Leg Tuesdays.

- Well, I say we storm the castle,

fight this Gastley guy, and find a new king!

- Villagers against a whole army?

The odds of success would be minuscule.

- What about King Conrad's knights?

- Are there any left? - Mm-mm.

- Then you need some new knights.

- What about you, Kevyn? - Me? Oh, no, no.

I'm to be an ostler like my father,

taking care of horses.

What about you, Alice?

- Unfortunately, girls aren't allowed

to become knights, Max.

Uh, what? Says who?

- Run, Millie!

What was that?

[suspenseful music]

[kids screaming]

[gasps] Max, wait!

[both screaming]

- Oh, no. - Hey, leave us alone!

We didn't do anything.

- You'll have to answer to King Gastley.

Luckily, I'm right here!

[jaunty music]

- ? Gastley ?

? ?

- Faster, faster. Slower.

Slower. Slow- have him killed.

- [gasps] - ? Gastley ?

- [sword slices] - [groans]

Ah! What's this?

Do I see bare feet?

[whimpers disgustedly]

Guards, throw these shoeless orphans into the dungeon!

- The dungeon? But they're just kids.

- Um, full disclosure, I have lice.

Ugh.

- It's not a crime to have no shoes.

Oh, I assure you it is.

It's also a crime to have bad breath,

wear white after Labor Day, and there's absolutely

no whistling.

[whistles]

[grunts] I'm fine.

- Yikes. - We should go.

This town's no place for a young kid

and a musical genius.

Somebody has to do something!

Why isn't anyone helping them?

[sadly] Fear, Max.

No one dares stand up to King Gastley.

[crowd whispers]

[somber music]

Stop!

[all gasp]

What did you say to me?

- I said, "Leave them"-

- [gasps] - Um, "Alone, please?"

Might not have thought this one through.

- Well, well, another filthy ragamuffin.

At least this one has shoes.

And I have this!

[scoffs]

[laughs]

How adorable!

Everyone, do you see how absolutely adorable this is?

- [laughs] - Mm-hmm.

- Oh, I couldn't agree more. - Uh-huh, absolutely.

- I don't want to tell you what to do,

but now would probably be a good time to get out of here.

- Yep, mm-hmm. - Bye.

- How noble, helping your little friends.

Unfortunately for you, the punishment

for threatening the king is death.

Death?

We could chop off your head,

burn you at the stake,

make you do math problems.

Pick your poison, boy.

Don't call me a boy.

- And why not? - Because I'm a girl.

- [all gasp, whisper excitedly] - [gasps]

A girl?

[laughs] Whatevs.

Boy or girl, you're still a vagabond.

- Take her to the dungeon! - [whimpers] Mm.

- Wait! The girl's no vagabond, Your Highness.

- She is with me. - And you are?

- Merely an entertainer, you're Eminently Eminentness.

An entertainer?

What a coinci-dinky-dink!

You see, I'm currently between jesters.

My last one had "an accident."

- Wink a-wink. - An accident?

- It was the jester's fault, of course.

He failed to amuse me.

[gulps]

I-I would be happy to be your new jester, sire,

if you would be so kind as to let her go.

- Huh, being kind really was more of my brother's thing,

but my horoscope did say "avoid slaughter" today.

[chuckles] Guards, release the girl

and bring my new jester to the castle.

We'll see just how entertaining he actually is.

Where is my carpet roller?

- Oh, he's dead. Sorry. - Wait, no!

Let him go!

Max, run away!

- No, I'm not leaving you! [grunts]

- Max, control yourself! - But-

- You can't help your uncle by getting yourself thrown

in the dungeon.

- Thank you, King Gastley. You are most gracious.

Ha! You really are a fool

if you think I'd let the others go free.

Round up all the shoeless urchins

and that dagger-wielding miscreant now!

I don't negotiate with peasants.

[whimpers]

[cackles]

Run, Max!

- For once, I'm gonna have to agree with Uncle Budrick.

- ? I see the city shaking ?

? I see the mess they're making ?

- ? No giving, all taking ? - Aah!

- ? Somebody has to do something ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

? Fight for what's right ?

Wait, why are you running?

They're not after you.

I don't know.

I got swept up in the moment! [pants]

- ? Somebody has to do something ?

? Feel the temperature rising ?

? Feel the boat capsizing ?

? Feel the coming uprising ?

? It's a battle worth fighting ?

Hey, over here!

Where'd they go?

- Maybe we should check everywhere!

- [sighs] Thanks. - Figured we owed you one.

Hi, I'm Millie.

This is Simon. Rat jerky?

We have picante and sweet 'n' sewer.

- Um, yeah, maybe later? - Mmm.

- Right now, we need a place to hide.

- [gasps] My father's barn. We'll be safe there.

- This way. - [crunches] Mmm!

- Aah! - [gasping]

[upbeat rock music]

- [gasps] - Gotcha!

- Aah! - A guard!

- Run! [guards yelling]

- [screams] - [grunts]

Go, go, go!

[groans]

- In case we don't make it, I just wanted to say

how cool that was.

Standing up to King Gastley?

No one's ever done that before!

- [groans] - Hmm?

? ?

[sheep bleating]

Argh!

I mean, it was really dumb,

and you're definitely getting beheaded, but still-

- Nobody's getting beheaded, Simon.

Trust me.

- I'm afraid there's nowhere to go!

[giggles]

Yes, there is.

Stop, you miscreants!

This way!

Huh!

- They're much faster than they look!

[all panting]

[guards grunting stupidly]

Come on!

Whoa!

- Grab 'em! Don't let them get away!

- Come on! - Over there!

? ?

[giggles]

We got 'em now!

- [gasps nervously] - [growls]

Oh.

[grumbles]

Aah!

[bell rings]

- ? Oh ?

Come on.

Aah!

? ?

[all yelling]

? ?

- That's my dad's barn over there!

- Oh, you mean over there past all those guards?

We need a distraction.

Oh, I know!

What if I just ran around

making new and interesting sounds?

- Yeah, I like where your head's at, Millie,

but then you'd be captured.

Oh, right, yeah.

[bells tinkling]

- [horse whinnies] - Easy, fella.

Anyone got a rock?

Hmm.

- [horse whinnies] - Huh?

[rats squeaking]

Go! Go! Go!

- ? I see the city shaking ?

? I see the mess they're making ?

? No giving, all taking ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

- Whoa! - Aah!

[all yelling]

? ?

- ? Feel the temperature rising ?

? Feel the coming uprising ?

? It's a battle worth fighting ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

- Told ya... [pants] We'd make it.

- Yeah, I'm definitely gonna have

to remember that rock trick.

- You want some? - Still no, Millie.

Besides, there's no time to eat.

I need to save Uncle Budrick.

[dramatic rock music]

- ? Oh ?

[vocalizing]

? ?

- But how ever are you going to do that?

- I don't know yet, but I'm gonna find a way.

I have to.

- ? I see the city shaking ?

? I see the mess they're making ?

? No giving, all taking ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

? Fight for what's right ?

? Bring back the peace ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

? Feel the temperature rising ?

? Feel the boat capsizing ?

? Feel the coming uprising ?

? It's a battle worth fighting ?

? Somebody has to do something ?

- Looking everywhere for someone to save the day.

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