Original subtitles

Here's your hot chocolate, Mr. B.

You sure you don't want anything else before I go to bed?

Thank you, Hazel. No.

Would you get that for me, Hazel, please? I'm busy.

Baxter residence.

Oh, hi! Hiya.

Oh, well, I'm fat and sassy as ever.

Gettin' ready for my vacation.

You know, I take it in the wintertime. Hazel, please.

Well, uh, I was plannin' to go to my sister's,

but her twins got mumps, so I...

Hazel! Just a sec.

Hazel, would you mind taking your private phone conversation on the other phone?

I'm busy here. It's for you... the mayor.

Look at that gown!

"Mrs. H.T. Forbes-Craigie at the annual charity ball."

You know, she throws that ball every year. Each year, it gets bigger.

Well, don't worry about Mrs. H.T. Forbes-Craigie. She can afford it.

She's worth $23 million, give or take a few million.

How 'bout a little more hot java?

Oh, yes, Hazel. We'd all like some.

You know, Hazel, I can't make coffee like this. What's your secret?

Oh, no secret, Miss Stone. You probably just got a dirty pot.

Uh, Edith, would you like another peach meringue?

No, thank you. I couldn't.

It's delicious. But I'd love to have that recipe.

Don't you even read your own magazine?

It's right here. Right there.

Hazel, that's a recipe for orange glacé à la Roma.

Oh, well. I just switched the oranges for peaches and added a little pinch of ginger.

Well, I'm glad to know you're one of my loyal readers.

I see ears are comin' back in style again.

I was just about to hand mine over to the Goodwill.

Well, that only goes to prove what you women are always saying...

"Keep a thing long enough, you can always wear it again."

Seriously, Edith, I think you've done a wonderful job with Mode.

Thank you, George. The advertising's doubled since she took over.

And raised the rates at the same time.

You know, George, I'd actually be ashamed to tell you...

what we charged Rancho Verde for this two-page color spread.

"Why travel to Europe for the baths this year?

"Rancho Verde offers the same curative waters,

"a slimming diet and release from tension...

"at a price considerably less than a round-trip fare to Europe.

Our modern equipment will make you the glamorous woman you deserve to be."

- What a laugh. - It's a marvelous place.

They spoil you and pamper you, and you come back rejuvenated... a new woman.

You mean to tell me you would actually spend

a vacation at a place like Rancho Verde?

Well, I certainly would...

if I were single and didn't have you and Harold to spend my vacations with.

Well, I guess that's just one more thing I don't understand about women...

How you can spend all that money to starve and beat yourselves.

George, it's a perfectly divine place.

Hazel, tell me the truth.

Oh, boy, would I! Not that I could afford it.

Now, Hazel, you, of all people, I expect to be sensible.

There are times in a woman's life when that's the one thing she don't want to be.

Hazel, didn't you say you had a vacation coming up?

Yeah, two weeks. Would you really like to go to Rancho Verde?

Oh, sure. I got as much use for glamour as anybody else.

Besides, I ought to take off a few pounds around the...

It's pretty hard on my cookin', huh, Mr. B.?

He's got a terrific problem.

Well, part of my deal with Rancho Verde is two weeks with all expenses paid there,

which I can't use this year.

You'd be welcome to it. Could you leave next week? But, Edith...

- Of course she could. - Well, thanks, Mrs. Stone, but I don't think I can accept.

- That-a-girl. - Why not, Hazel?

Because she just can't. No, let me give it to you, Hazel, please.

If you don't, it'll just go to waste.

I don't like nothin' to go to waste. Then it's all settled.

I'll just go in the den and call Mrs. Camden and make a reservation for you.

But, Edith, we... George darling, please. It's all settled.

I can't believe it. I'm goin' to Rancho Verde!

First thing in the morning, we'll go downtown and buy you a new bathing suit.

Hazel Burke at Rancho Verde.

And you can take my pink satin bed jacket. I just can't believe it.

Come down off of that cloud and listen to me for a minute. Oh, sure, Mr. B.

The type of women you run into at a place like this are silly, useless, vapid...

Well, hooray for male chauvinism.

Dorothy, I'm serious.

Hazel wouldn't like those snobs any more than they'll...

- Well, then you would. - Oh, for Pete's sake, Mr. B.

If I don't like 'em, I'll just ignore 'em.

I'll be too busy bein' pampered to let 'em bother me.

But, Hazel... If you'll excuse me, I want to wash out my fancy nightie.

I can't show up at the Rancho Verde with my flannel p.j.'s.

George, what really worries you is just the

opposite of what you told Hazel, isn't it?

Well...

You're afraid those phonies are gonna give her a rough time because she's a maid.

Right? As rain. Dorothy, you mark my words.

Hazel's leaving herself wide open for a large dose of hurt feelings.

I know it's good for the arches, but I can't do it!

Louise, do you want to see what $23 million looks like?

She's here!

Mrs. Forbes-Craigie in person.

Thank you, Martin.

She looks older than she does in the pictures in the society pages.

Well, naturally, darling. So do you.

If you used yours on a passport, you'd never get back in the country.

All right, darling. We're even.

Let's sit down and look casual.

Ah, come in.

Welcome to Rancho Verde, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie. Thank you.

I'll call you at the motel if I need you.

Very well, madam. Have a nice rest. Thank you, Martin.

I'm Mrs. Camden, your hostess. How do you do?

This is Robert. He'll show you to your room.

Before you go, there are two other guests I'd like to have you meet.

Will you come this way, please?

Mrs. Willoughby, Mrs. Carter.

Mrs. Forbes-Craigie. How do you do?

It's awfully nice meeting you, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie. Yes, terribly.

You three and Miss Burke, who is due to arrive here today,

will be having all of your activities together.

Oh, lovely! We'll really get to know each other.

Yes. I expect by the time this is over, we'll be old friends.

Well, not old friends, but perhaps new friends.

Mrs. Camden, I'd like to go to my room, please. I've had a rather long drive.

Of course. Robert, Room 12.

Anna will unpack your bags. Thank you.

This way, madam, please.

Oh, it was very nice meetin' you, Marty.

And thanks for lettin' me drive the truck. I never drove a truck like that before.

It was my pleasure. And thanks for saving me the fare from the airport.

Oh, that's okay. It was on my way. So long, Hazel.

Bye!

♪ She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes ♪♪

I wonder if our other member's a Brookline Burke.

That would be lovely. Mrs. Forbes-Craigie and a Brookline Burke.

Miss Burke? Right the first time.

Well, if that's our fourth, she doesn't look very Brookline.

More like the end of the line. She doesn't look as if she can afford to be here.

Oh, boy. This is even snazzier than it was in the ad.

Well, thank you, Miss Burke.

Before you go to your room, I'd like you to

meet two of the other women in your group.

Oh, sure. Robert will take your bag for you, Miss Burke.

Boy, they sure give you the once-over here, don't they?

I'm glad I wore my fancy petticoat in case it shows.

Will you come this way, please?

Miss Burke. Mrs. Carter, Mrs. Willoughby.

Mrs. Carter, Mrs. Willoughby. Ow!

Oh, did I hurt your hand?

It's all right. It's my ring.

Oh, boy! Will you look at the size of that zircon?

That is a diamond. It's real? You're kiddin'.

Of course it's real. Well, let me give you a tip.

Don't ever leave it on the windowsill when you're washin' the dishes.

I had an opal ring of mine go right down the drain.

I'm sorry I hurt your hand, but I couldn't help it.

You know, you have kind of a limp handshake. Oh!

I hope you ladies will be a congenial group,

as you'll have all of your activities together.

Oh, I guess that's 'cause we all have the same problem, huh?

I doubt it.

We all have to take a couple of inches off our you-know-what.

Oh, Robert. Uh, put Miss Burke in Room 11.

Will you show her the way, please? Yes, ma'am.

I hope it's not too heavy for you.

I got my Indian clubs in there. I wouldn't want you to strain yourself.

Yes, ma'am. This way, please.

What in the world was that?

Judging from her grip, she tears phone books for a hobby.

Did you hear her? She washes her own dishes.

Excuse me.

I think I'd better make a long-distance call.

Oh, boy! This room's a doozy.

"Doozy"? Madam does not like it?

Oh, sure. Madam likes it swell.

Real satin! Mmm!

And the sheets, they are the same.

Oh, for Pete's sake! Hazel Burke sleepin' on satin sheets.

Wait'll the sunshine girls hear about this.

Would madam like me to unpack her things? Oh, no, thanks, honey.

No, it really ain't enough to bother about.

Forgive me, but you are not like the other ladies.

Oh, I guess I'm the first domestic engineer they ever had around here.

What is domestic engineer?

Well, that's a maid... Just like you, honey.

You are a maid? Sure.

These are the people I work for... the Baxters.

You have kind of an accent. Where are you from?

I am from France.

Oh, no kiddin'. Do you like it here? Have you made any friends?

Oh, yes, I have a boyfriend in the army.

Oh, that's nice.

I work here to save enough money for us to get married.

Come in!

Oh, hi, Miss Camden.

I'd like to have a word in private with Miss Burke, please.

Yes, madam.

Come on in and sit down! Rest your hands and face.

Here. Put it here.

Thank you.

Miss Burke, I've just been talking to Mrs. Stone on the telephone.

Oh! I wish I'd known. I would have liked to have said hello to her.

It was so nice of her to give me this two weeks here.

Yes. Uh, she tells me that...

Well, that you work for a family named Baxter. Oh, sure.

Swellest family in the world.

That's Missy. Pretty, ain't she? Very. Now...

She's got naturally curly hair. This is Mr. B.

Miss Burke, there is something I have to say to you.

Oh, sure. Fire away.

You must understand that Rancho Verde caters to a...

A certain class of guest.

Oh, yeah, I know. Mr. B. was tellin' me. A bunch of snobs.

He... He was afraid I wouldn't like them, but that don't worry me.

I get along with almost anybody.

Well, that wasn't quite my point, Miss Burke.

Oh? Well, what is your point, Miss Camden?

Well, my guests... are snobs.

There's no other way to put it.

What are you gettin' at?

Many of these women are regular customers.

They come back here year after year.

And so do their friends.

If they were to realize that... well, that...

They were hobnobbin' with a maid?

I don't know what they might do.

Well, some of them would just pack up and leave and go home and tell their friends.

That could be pretty expensive for me.

Naturally, as a businesswoman I can't afford to have this happen.

You do understand. Oh, sure.

So if you'll just have somebody call me a cab...

No, Miss Burke. I don't want you to go. You don't?

Of course not.

I want you to have a wonderful two weeks here. So does Mrs. Stone.

But I see no reason for the other guests to know...

what your line of work is, do you?

Oh, I won't go blabbin' about it.

I wouldn't want you to get in any trouble or cost you any money.

Thank you, Miss Burke. Thank you very much.

Oh, that's all right. Skip it.

Now, you are due at the gym to be weighed and measured.

We have leotards there for you to wear.

Leotards?

That ain't exactly the outfit I look best in.

Wait'll you see some of the others.

Then you'll have your first gym class, and then it'll be time for lunch.

Come in.

Flowers for Miss Burke. For me?

Here. Put them over here, Anna. Oh, they're gorgeous!

Birds of paradise... my favorite.

Now, who could be sendin' me flowers?

From the Baxters. How very nice of them.

Thank you again, Miss Burke.

"We love you and miss you very much.

Missy, Mr. B. and Harold."

But there's just one thing I don't understand, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie.

What's that, Miss Burke? Well, there's two things really.

The first one is, how come you've got two names like "Forbes-Craigie"?

Couldn't you make up your mind?

My husband's family came from England originally.

They do that sort of thing over there.

Oh, sure. Like the fella the princess married.

And the other thing I don't understand is, how come you're here?

You got a terrific figure for a woman your age, even in them leotards.

Well, actually, I'm here more for a rest than anything else.

To get away from telephones, appointments, the wear and tear of a busy life.

Oh, you work?

- I'm interested in a number of organizations. - What kind of organizations?

That's not really important, is it?

Well, no, not if you don't want to talk about it.

My Missy works. She's an interior decorator.

- She's about the... - Who's Missy?

Oh, well, like you said about the organizations... It ain't important.

Will you look who's cozying up to Mrs. Forbes-Craigie?

Anna, can I speak to you for a minute in private? But of course.

Excuse me, Miss Forbes-Craigie.

Miss Burke was sitting there.

So sorry.

Miss Burke seems to be on quite friendly terms with the maid.

So, you see, honey, that's why I don't want any of the guests to know I'm a maid.

I will not tell them. Thanks. Thanks, Anna.

Oh, she's a terrific kid.

She's engaged to a boy in the army.

The U.S. Army. He's a G.I.

You seem to know a great deal about what goes on backstairs, Miss Burke.

Oh, people are always tellin' me things. I don't know why.

Mr. B. said...

Who's Mr. B.?

Oh, I'm always startin' unimportant things.

It's kind of a bad habit of mine.

You know what was the most embarrassin' thing about gettin' measured for me?

When that gym instructor put the tape measure around my knees...

and said my knees were thickening.

Did you ever hear of thick knees before?

Really.

How much do you have to lose?

- Five pounds. - Is that all?

That's all.

Elaine and I have just returned from "doing Europe."

All that rich food, you know.

Paris was divine. Those sauces!

- The thing I like is pizza. - Have you been abroad, Miss Burke?

Oh, sure. To the Canadian side of Niagara Falls.

I had my picture taken in front of it.

I got it in my photograph album. It's in my room.

You brought your photograph album with you?

Oh, yeah. I take it everywhere.

I got all the pictures of my friends and relatives.

I kind of like to look at them now and again.

Imagine.

I can well imagine. I carry photographs of my family in my purse.

Oh, well, I have my husband's picture in mine.

It's here someplace. He's on the stock exchange, you know.

Oh! By the way, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie,

are you interested in the stock market?

I got the most marvelous tip this morning.

- ST&C is going to split. - Indeed.

Yes, I told my broker to buy another hundred shares. I bought 200.

Are you interested in the market, Miss Burke?

Sure, I go shopping around. Potatoes, onions, heads of lettuce.

And I got a hot tip the other day... pea soup is going to split.

Ladies?

May I have your attention, please?

After lunch, you'll all have an hour rest period,

and then group "A" will go to the steam room.

Group "B" will go to the beauty salon for instruction in make-up.

Group "C" will have a bridge lesson,

and Group "D" will go to the pool.

Oh, good. I can practice my Australian crawl.

You're quite a swimmer, Miss Burke? Oh, sure.

Back home, I'm on the water polo team. You know, at the Y.W.C.A.?

Say, honey, you got anything for a starvin' swimmer to nibble on?

I just did 30 lengths.

I will be serving tea in just a moment.

You know, the funny thing about the meals here is...

the minute after you've had them, you're still hungry.

You could have knocked me down with a feather...

when I found out that fruit compote was the whole lunch.

I thought it was just to start with.

Anything the matter?

No. Nothing. Come here now.

Now, don't tell me those red rims around your eyes are just from laughin'.

They are sending Sam to a different base far away in Michigan.

Oh, that's too bad.

They are sending him today.

Well, you can go and give him a big kiss good-bye.

Oh, no, I cannot.

Mrs. Camden said that we are shorthanded,

and if I go, there will be no one to serve the tea.

Oh, well, we gotta do somethin' about that.

I'm perishing for a cup of tea.

Yes. Oh, will you look at that! Hmm?

Miss Burke, I must say, you handle that tray like a professional waitress.

Oh, it's nothing really.

Why are you serving? There are waitresses here.

Well, you see, my little friend... I mean Anna...

Anna. The maid?

- Well, yeah. - She's your friend?

Well, she wanted to go and say good-bye to her boyfriend and...

You're darn tootin' she's my friend.

What's more, she's one of the sweetest people I ever met,

which is more than I can say for...

Miss Burke, please! I'm sorry, Miss Camden.

I know I promised not to say anything about bein' a maid, but...

- A maid? - Yeah, that's right, honey.

But I couldn't have kept it up for two weeks. You are what you are.

Well, if this is the sort of person you're going to have here...

Mrs. Carter, please! But this is outrageous.

This is supposed to be an exclusive place for the right people.

- Now, Mrs. Willoughby, I... - Mrs. Camden.

For the rest of my stay here,

I wonder if I could have my meals in my room.

Of course, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie. I'm terribly sorry...

Miss Burke.

Yeah?

It will be my pleasure if you will join me at meal time.

Gee, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie, you're a doozy.

Why hasn't she called yet?

She promised to call us this evening. George, she's probably busy.

Maybe she's helpin' someone with their homework.

I'll tell you why she hasn't called.

She's too proud and won't admit it. Well, I'm gonna call her.

And who's this? Oh, that's Mama at a Fourth of July picnic.

I'm the one with the firecracker.

Excuse me. Sure.

Hello.

Oh, yes, Mr. Baxter. She's here. Oh, gee!

I was havin' such a good time, I forgot I promised to call the Baxters.

- Hi, Mr. B.! - Hazel, if you like, you can fly home tonight.

You don't have to stay there because of silly pride.

Oh, Mr. B., you're talking so fast, I can't understand you.

No! I'm having a ball.

I got this swell new friend, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie.

Yeah, Forbes-Craigie.

Well, I don't know. I'll ask her.

- Are your initials H.T., honey? - Yes.

Yeah, that's right. H.T. You know her?

Oh, you don't? Oh, she's a swell lady.

Wait a minute. I'll let you say hello to her.

Meet Mr. B.

Good evening, Mr. Baxter. I've heard wonderful things about you.

Well, uh, thank you, Mrs. Forbes-Craigie.

Yes. Oh, awfully... awfully nice meeting you too.

And now Mrs. Baxter would like to speak with Hazel.

Hello, Hazel?

Well, one thing I have to say for myself...

When I'm wrong, I'm magnificent at it.

This has been a Screen Gems Film Production...

from the Hollywood Studios of Columbia Pictures.