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1
00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:49,270
He was neurotic.
High-strung.
2
00:00:53,410 --> 00:00:56,870
He seemed lost.
3
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:03,510
If I remember correctly,
it began a year ago.
4
00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:07,240
Good morning, sir.
Police.
5
00:01:07,310 --> 00:01:10,180
Detective Gaffier.
Are you Michel Blanc?
6
00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:13,510
- Yeah, that's me. Why?
- We need to talk.
7
00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:15,670
You woke me up.
What is it?
8
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:18,230
Can we come in?
9
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:20,240
Sure, come in.
10
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,510
Is that Josiane Balasko?
11
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,840
Good actress.
I hear she's a dyke.
12
00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:32,710
Not at all.
13
00:01:32,780 --> 00:01:35,640
My brother-in-law
in the Vice Squad says so.
14
00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:37,230
That's Dutronc!
15
00:01:37,310 --> 00:01:41,370
A taxi driver claims
you didn't pay him.
16
00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:46,040
You wanted to score a whore
before a guest spot on TV.
17
00:01:46,110 --> 00:01:49,800
He found you one and waited,
but you never came back.
18
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,810
That's ridiculous.
19
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:56,110
We thought you were a fag
ever since you played a drag queen.
20
00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:58,410
What movie was it?
Menage.
21
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,140
Listen ...
22
00:02:00,210 --> 00:02:01,800
I didn't take a taxi.
23
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,870
Yesterday I was in bed
writing for Carole Bouquet.
24
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:06,470
- With her?
- Alone.
25
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:10,810
I haven't done whores since '77.
So you're mistaken.
26
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:28,140
Michel?
27
00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,800
Mr. Blanc, may I help you?
28
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,670
You have a suite for me.
29
00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:46,710
Let me have a look.
30
00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:48,640
One second, please.
31
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,870
Can I have an autograph?
Make it out to “Pooh Bear.”
32
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,500
I'm sorry,
but you're not listed.
33
00:02:55,580 --> 00:02:58,630
- What the hell?
- I'm very sorry.
34
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:01,080
Can I have another?
For Fifi.
35
00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:03,410
Call the Festival.
It's their problem.
36
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,310
How about a picture?
37
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:06,900
Go get Gilles Jacob.
38
00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:08,500
Fifi's turn.
39
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,310
Stop busting my balls!
Beat it!
40
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:14,170
Asshole.
I'll stop watching you on TV.
41
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:16,800
Come on,
there are plenty of others.
42
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,610
- Mr.Jacob, there's a problem.
- Bad timing.
43
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,540
Michel,
I thought you couldn't come.
44
00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:25,980
- Who said so?
- Your agent. Last week.
45
00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:29,570
- This is insane!
- He said you weren't free.
46
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,630
What do I do now?
Sleep on the beach?
47
00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:34,540
I assume you're booked?
48
00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:37,240
Mr. Depardieu
went wine-tasting in Bulgaria...
49
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:39,400
but he left his clothes here.
50
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,810
- Then give me his suite.
- It's rather delicate.
51
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,670
Why? Gerard wouldn't care!
52
00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:45,300
If Mr.Jacob...
53
00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:47,940
We have no choice.
I'll see you later.
54
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:49,530
Yeah, later...
55
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:56,170
Change the sheets.
With Depardieu, you never know.
56
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,340
And her room number?
57
00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:07,840
Okay.
58
00:04:10,110 --> 00:04:11,870
Uncork it.
59
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:20,640
I signed Depardieu.
He knows.
60
00:04:20,710 --> 00:04:22,200
Very good, sir.
61
00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:27,810
Hello, Mathilda?
62
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,570
Michel Blanc here.
63
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,470
What's up?
64
00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:33,480
I just got in.
65
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,410
You're all alone?
66
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,410
Are you busy?
67
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:42,080
I'd like to discuss
my new screenplay with you.
68
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:45,410
I'm in the middle of writing it.
69
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,470
I'll be right there.
70
00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,640
What are you doing?
71
00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:53,680
Michel Blanc
is fucking Mathilda May.
72
00:04:53,740 --> 00:04:55,400
You're sick!
73
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,600
You know I'm seeing someone!
74
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,700
- You can still relax.
- I relax with him.
75
00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:03,210
He's not here.
Are you frigid?
76
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,640
Stop!
77
00:05:06,110 --> 00:05:08,910
Listen...
don't get upset.
78
00:05:08,980 --> 00:05:11,000
You never turned me on.
79
00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:15,410
You're pretty weird.
Your loss.
80
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:19,700
Michel!
81
00:05:19,780 --> 00:05:22,970
How are you?
I didn't know you were in Cannes.
82
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,440
I have a screenplay for you.
83
00:05:25,510 --> 00:05:27,500
Do you have a minute?
84
00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:29,370
- Now?
- It's urgent.
85
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:31,930
Hi, Michel. How are you?
86
00:05:32,010 --> 00:05:33,940
You're here too?
87
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:35,940
I don't want to bother you.
88
00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:37,500
You're no bother.
89
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:39,980
My timing's off.
I'll come back.
90
00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:44,270
- Don't touch me.
- Are you sure?
91
00:05:44,350 --> 00:05:46,310
Positive. Stop it!
92
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,340
Or you'll slap me?
93
00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:50,640
Stop!
94
00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:54,170
You've let me down, kid.
That was low.
95
00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:57,640
You've never acted this way.
96
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,340
I'm going through
a minor depression.
97
00:06:01,410 --> 00:06:02,600
I'm lonely.
98
00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:05,780
When I wake up,
I feel like crying.
99
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,400
As I was staring at my balcony...
100
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,040
I thought I should jump.
101
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:15,080
If I'm lucky,
I'll land on a Rolls Royce.
102
00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:17,440
I've always liked English cars.
103
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:20,070
You have no girlfriend?
104
00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:23,540
She left me for Patrick Bruel.
105
00:06:23,610 --> 00:06:25,240
I didn't know.
106
00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:28,340
I'm sorry I slapped you.
107
00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:30,930
Forget about it.
108
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:35,030
I have a lump in my throat.
Do you have any champagne?
109
00:06:35,110 --> 00:06:37,740
A few Valium
and I'll feel better.
110
00:06:37,810 --> 00:06:39,670
I'll go look.
111
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,900
I have half-bottles.
112
00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:49,910
fine. Give me two.
113
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:02,200
The winners will go home with...
114
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:06,680
Miss Festival's breasts' weight
in Videocassettes!
115
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,870
There's more!
116
00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:15,140
The cassettes are signed
by Michel Blanc!
117
00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:23,700
It's time to ask Michel Blanc...
118
00:07:23,780 --> 00:07:26,870
to come on stage with his verdict.
119
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:29,310
A warm round of applause!
120
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:43,070
Quiet or this will take forever.
121
00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:45,010
I'll go backwards.
122
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,270
Last runner-up: Nadine.
123
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,980
20,000 in cash.
Count it.
124
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,980
How about my dinner?
125
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:58,310
You were late.
126
00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:02,000
I ate at the Carlton.
Can you reimburse me?
127
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,870
500 francs?
128
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:08,600
It cost more.
The Carlton is pricey.
129
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,140
But if that's all you can do...
130
00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:17,100
I love it.
How can I thank you?
131
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:20,010
If you have a second,
we'll find a way, Karine.
132
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,740
It's Karine, right?
133
00:08:22,810 --> 00:08:25,210
- Where is it?
- Not far. You'll see.
134
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,840
You wanna be in pictures?
135
00:08:27,910 --> 00:08:30,400
He sent me a script.
It wasn't bad.
136
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,970
Then Emmanuelle Beart said
he'd given her the role.
137
00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:37,810
I wanted to see Michel
and discuss it ... calmly.
138
00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:50,770
Dirty bastard!
I'll blast your brains out!
139
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,470
- Cut!
Clapper.
140
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:04,440
- Perfect, Carole.
- Thank you.
141
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,770
See you tomorrow.
142
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,070
The gun!
143
00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:11,700
- How are you?
- That depends.
144
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:14,370
Drive me home.
We'll talk on the way.
145
00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:20,980
I have to ask you something.
146
00:09:21,050 --> 00:09:24,140
Did you offer the role
only to me?
147
00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:26,200
Of course. Why?
148
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,230
Emmanuelle Beart claims
you offered it to her at Cannes.
149
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:32,970
At Cannes?
I didn't go this year.
150
00:09:58,410 --> 00:10:00,070
You recognize me?
151
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:03,470
No, I'm sorry.
152
00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:06,100
Last week ... Chez Denise.
153
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,510
Get my drift?
154
00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:11,100
Not at all.
I don't know Denise.
155
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:13,870
The kinky night spot.
Nearby.
156
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:17,370
My wife is Kathy.
The blue G-string.
157
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:21,440
That doesn't ring a bell.
158
00:10:21,510 --> 00:10:23,030
Aren't you Michel Blanc?
159
00:10:23,110 --> 00:10:24,740
Yes, but you're mistaken.
160
00:10:24,810 --> 00:10:27,440
Now I get it.
161
00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:30,480
After the orgy,
it's the cold shoulder.
162
00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:34,880
The next time,
even if it's Mickey Rourke ...
163
00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:37,910
he won't fuck my wife!
164
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,900
I never saw him.
I'm sorry, Carole.
165
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:47,410
Relax, Michel. I'm discreet.
I won't tell a soul.
166
00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:50,440
I don't go to those places.
167
00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:54,700
It's your private life.
Take a right.
168
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,080
Good-bye.
169
00:11:09,810 --> 00:11:13,970
finish your screenplay
and forget those seedy night spots.
170
00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:15,700
Seriously, Carole ...
171
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:17,970
Relax. I was just kidding.
172
00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:21,070
He called at 2:00 am
173
00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:24,600
Not about Carole.
174
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,170
He said: “Let's go to Regine's
and have a drink."
175
00:11:30,410 --> 00:11:32,500
I felt something was fishy.
176
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:50,800
You again.
177
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,170
I said if you came back,
I'd clobber you.
178
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,730
Here you go.
179
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:57,570
What the hell?
Are you crazy?
180
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,800
- You're deranged.
- I warned you.
181
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,040
I'll forget what I saw ...
182
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:04,040
but steer clear of me.
183
00:12:05,940 --> 00:12:09,000
What is this? Camfidfamera?
184
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:16,940
My son never tells me anything.
185
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:18,580
You just don't listen.
186
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:20,820
Soon I guessed
something was wrong.
187
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:22,790
I bet you did.
188
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:30,760
I'm glad to see you.
I have to take a leak.
189
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:32,020
What is it, Dad?
190
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,720
- I brought the rabbit paté.
- What paté?
191
00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:37,590
What you asked Mom for.
Open up fast.
192
00:12:37,660 --> 00:12:39,630
I never asked Mom for anything!
193
00:12:39,690 --> 00:12:41,750
Take the paté and shut up.
194
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,520
What should I do with all this?
195
00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:49,860
What do you do with paté?
Deodorize toilets?
196
00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:51,720
I never eat here.
197
00:12:51,790 --> 00:12:54,850
You prefer wasting money
in restaurants.
198
00:12:54,930 --> 00:12:57,660
Easy come, easy go.
199
00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:02,320
By the way ...
200
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,830
you didn't fix the toilet yet.
201
00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:06,760
I forgot to call the plumber.
202
00:13:06,830 --> 00:13:09,950
The plumber?
He'll ask for 500 francs!
203
00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:12,150
I'm too busy to do it myself.
204
00:13:12,230 --> 00:13:14,130
Where's the toolbox?
205
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,420
I have a dinner tonight.
I'll do it tomorrow.
206
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,020
No, you won't.
Where's the toolbox?
207
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,360
I don't have one.
Why should I?
208
00:13:22,430 --> 00:13:24,950
- To fix the toilet.
- Well, I don't.
209
00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:26,860
A fork will do.
210
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:30,360
Unless you don't have any,
since you never eat here.
211
00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:33,860
Come on,
put the pate in the fridge.
212
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,190
When did I ask for this?
213
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:42,990
Last week...
214
00:13:43,060 --> 00:13:45,790
when you bumped into her.
215
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:48,550
You're losing your memory.
216
00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:51,760
Do you have a nutcracker?
217
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:54,390
Look in there.
218
00:13:54,460 --> 00:13:57,290
- Last week?
- Yeah, last week.
219
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,520
You need some rest.
220
00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:02,990
Your mother said
you were acting funny.
221
00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:07,320
You didn't even recognize her.
She had to run after you.
222
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,760
If you ask me,
you need a nice little lady.
223
00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:13,920
Instead of trying to diddle
the entire Top 50.
224
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,520
Pour me a glass of wine.
Make yourself useful.
225
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:23,190
Something's fishy.
226
00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:24,850
Pretty fishy ...
227
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,630
He was acting strange.
228
00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:29,520
He's awful when he writes.
229
00:14:29,590 --> 00:14:32,860
He mingles with people
he shouldn't mingle with.
230
00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:34,690
He lives in nightclubs.
231
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,280
It's typical,
so I didn't worry.
232
00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:42,190
How's the screenplay?
233
00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,190
You better not scrap this one.
Same as the last time.
234
00:14:44,190 --> 00:14:44,780
You better not scrap this one.
235
00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:51,450
You haven't finished one
for over seven years.
236
00:14:51,530 --> 00:14:53,460
What's with the writer's block?
237
00:14:54,530 --> 00:14:57,260
My life is getting all screwy.
238
00:14:57,330 --> 00:15:01,020
When the shit hits the fan,
I'll get covered with it.
239
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,550
You're spreading yourself too thin.
240
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:09,080
You're well-paid to write.
Why emcee in nightclubs?
241
00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:11,790
Emcee?
242
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:14,880
I don't care about losing my 10%.
243
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,690
But it's really lousy for your image.
244
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,890
I never emceed anything!
245
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,980
- Someone saw you.
- What do you want?
246
00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:27,050
To throw me into a padded cell?
247
00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:30,390
- You're overreacting.
- Everything pisses me off!
248
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:34,190
My father does!
Writing does! And so do you!
249
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,980
Can I be frank, Michel?
250
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:42,190
You seem depressed.
Down in the dumps.
251
00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:44,320
He has too many offers.
252
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,190
Don't start up again.
253
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:48,560
Come work at my country house.
254
00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:51,030
You'll be totally free.
255
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,320
It's calm.
There are no neighbors.
256
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,490
In the Sahara?
257
00:15:55,690 --> 00:15:58,390
No, Provence.
It's beautiful.
258
00:15:58,460 --> 00:15:59,760
I can't write there.
259
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:01,290
It will do you good.
260
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,550
Carole's right.
Go for three months.
261
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,420
- You'll finish the screenplay.
- Come on.
262
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:10,430
I'd forget how to speak.
I'd come back grunting.
263
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,590
Think it over.
I'd even rent you a TV.
264
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:16,530
There's not even a TV?
265
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:20,190
Relax. I was in a rut,
but I'm getting better.
266
00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:21,920
I can feel it.
267
00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:23,050
Let's go!
268
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,880
What is it?
What do you want?
269
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,690
Are you Michel Blanc?
270
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,750
It's too early to say.
And you?
271
00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:51,620
I'm with the Clown Squad.
Search!
272
00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:09,660
I know a minister!
273
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,360
What are the charges?
274
00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:17,360
I have no idea, goddamn it!
275
00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:35,620
You still claim
you left Carole Bouquet at 1:00 am.
276
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,390
Then you went to sleep.
277
00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:40,720
I took two Valium
and went to bed.
278
00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:43,490
Mr. Blanc,
let me tell you a secret.
279
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,530
I hate actors.
I dream of nailing one.
280
00:17:46,590 --> 00:17:48,650
My dream is coming true.
281
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:51,560
Remember that.
It'll save us time.
282
00:17:51,630 --> 00:17:53,180
Bring her in.
283
00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:07,220
Why are you here?
284
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,180
Take a guess, sleazeball!
285
00:18:12,930 --> 00:18:16,020
- josie, what's wrong?
- You know, motherfucker!
286
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:20,720
Scumbag!
I'll kill you! Creep!
287
00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:23,350
I want my share.
Sit him down.
288
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:27,420
- I don't understand this!
- Be reasonable.
289
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,150
We may get carried away...
290
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:33,190
Ms. Balasko,
could you repeat your statement?
291
00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:34,750
I sure can.
292
00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:38,280
It was 3:00 am.
The doorbell rang. I was alone.
293
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:43,060
It was that prick. I opened up.
I've known him for 20 years.
294
00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:47,220
He hit me, tied me to the radiator
and fucked me.
295
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,850
If you can call it that!
296
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:52,850
- It's not true.
- And you didn't make me come.
297
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:55,360
I faked it so you'd leave.
298
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:56,950
I better wake up now.
299
00:18:57,030 --> 00:18:59,150
Keep denying it.
Lock him up.
300
00:18:59,230 --> 00:19:00,890
Get going!
301
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,980
Sex pervert!
302
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,030
There's been a mistake.
303
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:08,360
There's always a mistake.
Life's a mistake.
304
00:19:14,690 --> 00:19:17,420
Guys!
The jet set decided to drop in.
305
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,490
Are we in the wrong disco?
This joint is swanky.
306
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,430
Say hello.
You're talkier on TV.
307
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:28,950
Maybe it's us.
We mustn't be classy enough.
308
00:19:29,030 --> 00:19:30,720
You're right.
309
00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:34,730
What did you do, honey?
To what do we owe this honor?
310
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:37,920
- Nothing.
- We're not that stupid.
311
00:19:37,990 --> 00:19:39,720
I swear. I'm innocent.
312
00:19:39,790 --> 00:19:42,160
So are we.
313
00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:45,190
The world is full of innocent people.
Prisons too.
314
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,920
Like me ...
I'm an innocent murderer.
315
00:19:47,990 --> 00:19:51,590
As for Dédé,
he's an innocent firebug.
316
00:19:52,660 --> 00:19:54,920
How about you, Mimi?
317
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,090
Can I call you Mimi?
318
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,150
- That hurts.
- No, it doesn't.
319
00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:00,560
Stop or I'll scream!
320
00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:05,080
Don't bother. They won't come.
They're watching TV.
321
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,920
You're hurting me.
322
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,380
You know why it hurts?
Because you're tense.
323
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:15,220
Just relax a little
and you won't feel a thing.
324
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,020
Stop! Leave me alone!
325
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,250
He's all knotted up.
326
00:20:19,330 --> 00:20:20,490
All contracted.
327
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,120
- Fucking him will relax us all.
- You're crazy!
328
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,490
I'll scream!
329
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,860
It could help your career.
It's losing steam.
330
00:20:29,930 --> 00:20:32,020
“Studio” says you're overpaid.
331
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,250
Imagine the coverage:
332
00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:37,320
“Blanc Butt-fucked Behind Bars!”
333
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,720
Sounds good...
like a Lifetime Achievement Award.
334
00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:41,390
Help!
335
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,260
Nominated!
336
00:20:45,230 --> 00:20:48,020
- I can't stay here.
- You're free.
337
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:51,080
The charges were dropped.
Get out.
338
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:55,420
You're lucky. But we'll meet again.
I have ESP.
339
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:01,250
Can you sign the guest book?
340
00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:03,920
Most of your colleagues already have.
341
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,420
Why are you here?
To slap me too?
342
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,020
Did I rape you also?
343
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:16,650
What are you talking about?
Relax.
344
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:19,190
They asked
when you left my place.
345
00:21:19,260 --> 00:21:21,160
What happened?
346
00:21:21,230 --> 00:21:23,920
I don't know. I'm exhausted.
347
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,890
I want to see a psychiatrist.
348
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,980
Take the back door.
There are reporters.
349
00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:35,080
See a psychiatrist
after a good night's sleep.
350
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,180
No way.
I'm going to the emergency ward.
351
00:21:38,260 --> 00:21:40,350
- I'll drive you.
- No, I may be dangerous.
352
00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:42,920
Leave! I may be a monster!
353
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,130
Look.
354
00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:59,690
Look who it is.
355
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,820
The psychiatric ward?
356
00:22:01,890 --> 00:22:04,590
Third floor.
You can't miss it.
357
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,720
Are you Carole Bouquet?
358
00:22:37,430 --> 00:22:39,390
Can I have an autograph?
359
00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:43,050
Of course.
I need a piece of paper.
360
00:22:43,990 --> 00:22:46,650
- Let's go.
- Wait a second.
361
00:22:46,730 --> 00:22:48,290
We have to go.
362
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:53,760
If it's a girl,
I'll name her Carole.
363
00:23:06,660 --> 00:23:07,850
Is it this way?
364
00:23:11,860 --> 00:23:14,660
It looks like it.
365
00:23:21,030 --> 00:23:23,860
Mr. Blanc,
you are neither Dr Jekyll ...
366
00:23:23,930 --> 00:23:25,690
nor Mr. Hyde.
367
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,750
You are simply an overworked actor ...
368
00:23:28,830 --> 00:23:32,060
sometimes playing
the role of another...
369
00:23:32,130 --> 00:23:33,620
Michel Blanc.
370
00:23:33,690 --> 00:23:35,590
Without admitting it.
371
00:23:35,660 --> 00:23:37,680
You mean I'm schizoid.
372
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,280
No, you need peace and quiet.
373
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:43,550
I'll give you some pills...
374
00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:48,080
which will turn all this
into a bad dream.
375
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:53,620
Do you have a country house
where you can relax for a while?
376
00:23:53,690 --> 00:23:56,490
I do. In Provence.
377
00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:00,460
Perfect.
I have a lot of patients there.
378
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,590
Get some rest.
379
00:24:07,660 --> 00:24:09,590
And keep us laughing.
380
00:24:11,930 --> 00:24:14,620
Take a gun along.
One never knows.
381
00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:44,680
I don't need rest.
I'm not tired.
382
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,690
You can be so negative.
383
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,490
No, I'm a nervous wreck.
Shouldn't I be?
384
00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,490
Really.
385
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:57,960
I forget I raped Balasko
and I shouldn't panic?
386
00:24:58,030 --> 00:25:01,620
You'd have reason to panic
if she forgot.
387
00:25:01,690 --> 00:25:05,060
Joke about it. How nice.
And it was in bad taste.
388
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:08,420
I'm trying to relax you.
389
00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:11,050
How can I relax?
I'm confused.
390
00:25:11,130 --> 00:25:15,750
You try too hard to understand.
Just accept the mystery.
391
00:25:15,830 --> 00:25:18,890
Mysteries can be beautiful.
392
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,690
Did working with Bufiuel
turn you into a mystic?
393
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,490
You need a dose of Bufiuel.
394
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:26,450
What does that mean?
395
00:25:26,530 --> 00:25:28,760
Forget it.
Take your pills.
396
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:33,890
You can be a real Ice Queen.
397
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,950
And you, a real schmuck.
398
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,690
Wake up. We're here.
399
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,690
What do you think?
400
00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:30,220
I see ...
401
00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:32,230
It's worse than I thought.
402
00:26:50,630 --> 00:26:53,790
You think
I can write a comedy here?
403
00:26:57,430 --> 00:27:00,690
- So?
- I don't know. Not a sound.
404
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:05,020
He didn't eat. But he washed down
his pills with all the whiskey.
405
00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:06,860
Go have a look.
406
00:27:06,930 --> 00:27:09,620
It's been three days.
It's not normal.
407
00:27:11,300 --> 00:27:13,660
I can't interrupt his work.
408
00:27:13,730 --> 00:27:15,660
He'll eat when he's hungry.
409
00:27:17,330 --> 00:27:19,160
He may never be hungry again.
410
00:27:19,230 --> 00:27:21,020
What do you mean by that?
411
00:27:21,100 --> 00:27:24,220
Alcohol and pills
make bad cocktails ...
412
00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:26,350
but good corpses.
413
00:27:26,430 --> 00:27:28,790
You think he's suicidal?
414
00:27:28,860 --> 00:27:30,790
He's no Little Mary Sunshine.
415
00:27:30,860 --> 00:27:33,050
You have a vivid imagination.
416
00:27:33,130 --> 00:27:35,890
My eyes have seen all.
417
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:40,950
He's just like my cousin Albert:
tiny and homely.
418
00:27:41,030 --> 00:27:43,550
One day we found him hanging
over the toilet.
419
00:27:43,630 --> 00:27:45,560
Stop with this nonsense.
420
00:27:52,430 --> 00:27:54,990
I'll go.
You gave me the creeps.
421
00:28:08,030 --> 00:28:10,620
Michel, are you okay?
422
00:28:12,430 --> 00:28:16,660
I told you so! My God!
Tragedy has struck again.
423
00:28:16,730 --> 00:28:18,720
Make lunch and calm down.
424
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,490
Michel, I'm coming in.
425
00:28:41,530 --> 00:28:43,320
Shit! Michel!
426
00:28:44,930 --> 00:28:46,050
Are you okay?
I swear! It wasn't me!
427
00:28:46,050 --> 00:28:47,550
I swear! It wasn't me!
428
00:28:48,830 --> 00:28:51,850
- Where am I?
- You're in Provence.
429
00:28:51,930 --> 00:28:53,790
I'm Carole Bouquet.
Remember?
430
00:28:53,860 --> 00:28:55,550
- What?
- You're in the country.
431
00:28:55,630 --> 00:28:57,990
Wait. I can't hear.
432
00:28:58,060 --> 00:29:00,150
You're in the country.
At my house.
433
00:29:00,230 --> 00:29:03,220
- What time is it?
- Two o'clock.
434
00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:04,920
- There's no noise.
- I noticed.
Why the earplugs?
435
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:05,420
- There's no noise.
- I noticed.
436
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,660
The silence woke me up.
437
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,950
I'm sorry I barged in.
I was worried.
438
00:29:14,030 --> 00:29:17,320
- You don't move, you don't eat.
- I'm all tense.
439
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,760
It's normal.
You stay in this gloomy room.
440
00:29:20,830 --> 00:29:22,120
Go work outside.
441
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,560
Who can write outdoors?
It's an indoor thing.
442
00:29:25,630 --> 00:29:26,860
The light is beautiful.
443
00:29:26,930 --> 00:29:29,520
- I'm not a painter.
- Right...
444
00:29:29,590 --> 00:29:32,290
At least open the shutters.
Admire the view.
445
00:29:33,430 --> 00:29:37,050
The view freaks me out,
like an endless Easter Sunday.
446
00:29:37,130 --> 00:29:40,290
Maybe some sunshine
would cheer you up.
447
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,450
That would be a first.
448
00:29:53,030 --> 00:29:56,360
I made a beef stew...
with truffles.
449
00:29:56,430 --> 00:29:59,020
And a Saint-Joseph.
Is that okay?
450
00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:02,490
It's okay for the stew,
but not for me.
451
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,430
You think I can work
after beef stew?
452
00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:06,650
Come on.
453
00:30:06,730 --> 00:30:08,920
Yesterday you ate
as little as you wrote.
454
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,020
I see.
455
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:12,720
I have to earn my keep.
456
00:30:12,790 --> 00:30:15,520
I'll pay you for the truffles.
457
00:30:15,590 --> 00:30:19,490
Don't react that way.
I was trying to be nice.
458
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,860
Right.
459
00:30:20,930 --> 00:30:23,690
I wonder why you're so nice.
460
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,720
Is Carole Bouquet
trying to score a comic?
461
00:30:28,930 --> 00:30:30,830
How's that for an answer?
462
00:30:30,890 --> 00:30:33,050
- It's fine.
- Perfect!
463
00:30:33,130 --> 00:30:35,360
Now shower, get dressed...
464
00:30:35,430 --> 00:30:38,220
and drop the tacky Woody Allen shtick.
465
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:40,850
Neurotic clowns bore me stiff.
466
00:30:42,230 --> 00:30:44,290
Lunch is in 20 minutes.
467
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,290
- Is that clear?
- Yes, Carole.
468
00:30:47,130 --> 00:30:49,120
We're eating outside.
469
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,990
That may do me good.
470
00:30:55,100 --> 00:30:57,690
Your stew is delicious, Carole.
471
00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:59,190
Thank you, Michel.
472
00:30:59,260 --> 00:31:02,390
- Help yourself.
- No, I'm full.
473
00:31:02,460 --> 00:31:04,590
- Are you finished?
- Go ahead.
474
00:31:07,660 --> 00:31:09,390
I'm sorry for this morning.
475
00:31:10,830 --> 00:31:12,520
Forget about it.
476
00:31:12,590 --> 00:31:15,790
It must be the tranquilizers
and the whiskey.
477
00:31:15,860 --> 00:31:17,660
Try going cold turkey.
478
00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:19,720
I'll try.
It won't be easy.
479
00:31:19,790 --> 00:31:23,090
Why are you wearing a hat?
We're in the shade.
480
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,960
The sun peeps through the leaves.
I'll look like Gorbachev.
481
00:31:27,030 --> 00:31:28,720
I won't insist.
482
00:31:28,790 --> 00:31:30,890
I'll see you later at the mall.
483
00:31:31,860 --> 00:31:34,160
- Excuse me?
- My granddaughter's a fan.
484
00:31:34,230 --> 00:31:36,790
She wants you to sign a cassette.
485
00:31:36,860 --> 00:31:39,690
What is this all about?
486
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,520
It was in the paper.
487
00:31:41,590 --> 00:31:43,580
- What paper?
- Wait.
488
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:47,020
- Is it here?
- In the garbage.
489
00:31:59,130 --> 00:32:00,990
I found it!
490
00:32:01,060 --> 00:32:02,820
“Michel Blanc will sign cassettes...
491
00:32:02,900 --> 00:32:05,050
in person at Continental Supermarket.”
492
00:32:05,130 --> 00:32:07,620
Now can I take tranquilizers?
493
00:32:07,690 --> 00:32:10,250
Let's take the bull by the horns.
494
00:32:10,330 --> 00:32:12,160
Where are you going?
495
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:15,620
We shouldn't do this.
496
00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:17,850
The nightmare is almost over.
497
00:32:17,930 --> 00:32:21,190
- The video aisle?
- That way.
498
00:32:22,260 --> 00:32:25,390
Come on, Julien.
It's your second shot.
499
00:32:25,460 --> 00:32:27,050
Aim for the target!
500
00:32:29,590 --> 00:32:31,790
You have one last try.
501
00:32:31,860 --> 00:32:33,450
Remember the rules.
502
00:32:33,530 --> 00:32:37,120
You have three chances
to dunk Michel Blanc.
503
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,650
You're not crazy.
You have a look-alike.
504
00:32:40,730 --> 00:32:42,130
He looks like me?
505
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,820
I can't tell the difference.
506
00:32:44,890 --> 00:32:46,490
Are you happy now?
507
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,860
You'd be happy
to look like him?
508
00:32:48,930 --> 00:32:51,950
Are you ready
for your third shot?
509
00:32:52,030 --> 00:32:53,490
Throw the ball.
510
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,060
I hear he gets unemployment too.
511
00:33:07,130 --> 00:33:08,620
We'll wait outside.
512
00:33:08,690 --> 00:33:11,420
Call the cops.
He raped Balasko.
513
00:33:11,500 --> 00:33:13,460
I won't let him touch you.
514
00:33:21,890 --> 00:33:24,490
- Excuse me.
- No more autographs.
515
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,030
- just a question.
- What is it?
516
00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:29,560
- Who are you?
- Michel Blanc. Are you blind?
517
00:33:29,630 --> 00:33:32,030
- And you?
- We're Michel Blanc too.
518
00:33:34,430 --> 00:33:36,950
- Shit.
- Wait!
519
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:39,620
Stop!
520
00:33:49,790 --> 00:33:51,390
Let's talk!
521
00:33:56,730 --> 00:33:58,020
He has a Porsche!
522
00:33:58,100 --> 00:34:00,030
I love speeding!
523
00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:03,730
Buckle up!
524
00:34:10,930 --> 00:34:12,890
There he is.
525
00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:33,590
- Are you okay?
- Not great.
526
00:34:40,860 --> 00:34:42,720
- Stop.
- We have him.
527
00:34:47,130 --> 00:34:49,090
Your stew is coming back up.
528
00:35:10,860 --> 00:35:13,450
- Excuse me.
- You feel better?
529
00:35:15,790 --> 00:35:17,590
I'm sorry. We lost him.
530
00:35:17,660 --> 00:35:19,150
Maybe not.
531
00:35:19,230 --> 00:35:21,130
You have his address?
532
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,220
A certain town keeps popping up.
533
00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:26,160
- So?
- Let's go there.
534
00:35:26,230 --> 00:35:27,920
Who knows where it is?
535
00:35:27,990 --> 00:35:30,020
- We'll find it.
- We never will.
536
00:35:30,100 --> 00:35:32,650
Don't be so pessimistic.
It's exhausting.
537
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:35,830
Buckle up.
538
00:36:07,030 --> 00:36:09,260
What do we do now?
539
00:36:09,330 --> 00:36:12,450
Take his agenda and ask around.
540
00:36:12,530 --> 00:36:16,120
- Why do I have to?
- Because I just drove 400 km.
541
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,630
Stop asking questions
and do something.
542
00:36:20,930 --> 00:36:22,860
Okay, I'll go.
543
00:36:28,060 --> 00:36:31,720
But your attitude
is really getting on my nerves.
544
00:36:31,790 --> 00:36:34,120
- I'll take note.
- Do that.
545
00:36:42,830 --> 00:36:43,950
Hello.
546
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:46,460
Here's the star.
How's our Patrick?
547
00:36:46,530 --> 00:36:49,430
- What Patrick?
- The handsome one. Have a drink.
548
00:36:49,500 --> 00:36:51,390
So you came after all?
549
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:55,330
He misses us. Give me a kiss
or do I have to get up?
550
00:36:57,590 --> 00:36:59,030
Hi, gorgeous.
551
00:37:00,730 --> 00:37:03,060
New cologne?
I liked the other one.
552
00:37:03,130 --> 00:37:05,120
You didn't come alone.
553
00:37:06,300 --> 00:37:07,950
He finally brought us one.
554
00:37:08,030 --> 00:37:10,260
Shit! It's Carole Bouquet!
555
00:37:10,330 --> 00:37:12,620
- No way!
- You hit the jackpot!
556
00:37:12,690 --> 00:37:14,660
What a bastard.
557
00:37:14,730 --> 00:37:17,290
My old school buddy
is banging Bouquet!
558
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,120
I get all the dogs.
559
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,850
You think you're so special?
560
00:37:21,930 --> 00:37:24,790
You're no fucking Alain Delon.
561
00:37:24,860 --> 00:37:27,020
Take it easy.
You misunderstood.
562
00:37:27,100 --> 00:37:29,820
- Bullshit.
-Cut it out, lovebirds.
563
00:37:30,530 --> 00:37:32,390
I have to go.
564
00:37:32,460 --> 00:37:35,190
I got a package for your mother.
565
00:37:35,260 --> 00:37:37,190
Take it. Save me the trip.
566
00:37:37,260 --> 00:37:38,620
- Okay.
- Here.
567
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,120
Give Carole our love.
568
00:37:44,060 --> 00:37:45,490
I will.
569
00:37:59,690 --> 00:38:01,960
- So?
- They called me Patrick.
570
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:04,120
This is for my mother.
571
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,130
One guy is a schoolmate.
572
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,960
They think you're him.
It works both ways.
573
00:38:09,030 --> 00:38:10,960
He got lipstick on you.
574
00:38:12,630 --> 00:38:14,790
- Where are we going?
- To visit Mom.
575
00:38:14,860 --> 00:38:17,290
We have the address.
576
00:38:23,230 --> 00:38:24,560
Well, I'll be!
577
00:38:24,630 --> 00:38:26,150
Hello, ma'am.
578
00:38:26,230 --> 00:38:30,590
You should have called, Patrick.
That's not nice.
579
00:38:30,660 --> 00:38:35,860
I'm in my nightgown.
This is no way to greet Carole Bouquet.
580
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:41,960
How typical.
Come in ... you'll catch pneumonia.
581
00:38:42,030 --> 00:38:43,520
It's not too late?
582
00:38:43,590 --> 00:38:47,290
Of course not. Come in.
583
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,290
Go get a bottle of wine
from the basement.
584
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,920
- The basement?
- Yeah, the one under the house! Hurry!
585
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,260
Unless you prefer vermouth?
586
00:38:56,330 --> 00:38:58,730
I don't want to bother you.
587
00:38:58,790 --> 00:39:03,420
It's no bother. I'm ashamed.
It's like a gypsy camp here.
588
00:39:03,500 --> 00:39:05,360
This way.
589
00:39:08,060 --> 00:39:10,150
I'll show you your room.
590
00:39:10,230 --> 00:39:11,850
We can't stay.
591
00:39:11,930 --> 00:39:15,990
Stay for dinner.
The fridge is empty anyway.
592
00:39:16,060 --> 00:39:18,490
- We're in a rush.
- Don't argue, Carole.
593
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,960
Can I call you Carole?
I'm Marthe.
594
00:39:23,260 --> 00:39:25,190
Have a seat.
595
00:39:29,130 --> 00:39:30,820
Looking at the pictures?
596
00:39:30,890 --> 00:39:33,950
I cut out everything.
I'm a real mama.
597
00:39:34,030 --> 00:39:36,290
You have kids too.
598
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:41,120
Whenever I see Patrick on TV,
I cry my eyes out.
599
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,320
- Patrick?
- That's his real name.
600
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:45,020
Patrick Olivier.
601
00:39:45,100 --> 00:39:48,580
He changed it.
He was afraid of his father.
602
00:39:48,660 --> 00:39:52,680
One night his father and I
were watching TV.
603
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,230
All of a sudden we saw him!
604
00:39:55,300 --> 00:39:57,230
We were proud.
605
00:39:57,300 --> 00:40:00,350
It was better
than seeing him in jail cells.
606
00:40:00,430 --> 00:40:05,260
He just stole a few car radios.
It could have got worse.
607
00:40:05,330 --> 00:40:07,760
He was shocked to see himself.
608
00:40:07,830 --> 00:40:11,120
He wanted to surprise us.
Good kid.
609
00:40:12,790 --> 00:40:14,690
Carole, we have to hurry.
610
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,730
first have a bite to eat.
611
00:40:16,790 --> 00:40:18,690
Take the tray.
612
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:20,620
- We'll eat and run.
- We're not hungry.
613
00:40:20,690 --> 00:40:21,850
I am, Patrick.
614
00:40:28,830 --> 00:40:30,450
- What now?
- They're eating.
615
00:40:30,530 --> 00:40:32,990
-Since when?
- 45 minutes ago.
616
00:40:33,060 --> 00:40:36,550
It's the main course.
They already had tomato salad.
617
00:40:36,630 --> 00:40:38,290
- Drinks?
- Muscadet.
618
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,160
The wine didn't go
with the tomato salad.
619
00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:42,420
There was tuna in it.
620
00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:47,390
I'd have served a Cétes du Rhône
and drunk the white next.
621
00:40:47,460 --> 00:40:49,330
- What's next?
- I gave her pork pie.
622
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,690
She roasted some garlic.
623
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:53,460
Some spuds too.
624
00:40:53,530 --> 00:40:56,390
I have some leftover camembert!
625
00:40:56,460 --> 00:40:58,790
She has plenty of cheese.
626
00:40:59,930 --> 00:41:01,450
Everything's fine.
627
00:41:01,530 --> 00:41:02,650
How is she?
628
00:41:02,730 --> 00:41:04,590
Sweet and simple.
629
00:41:04,660 --> 00:41:07,820
She had two helpings of head cheese.
630
00:41:08,890 --> 00:41:12,220
You're nuts.
We shouldn't have stayed.
631
00:41:12,300 --> 00:41:13,890
She's so happy.
632
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,930
Maybe they're partners.
633
00:41:15,990 --> 00:41:19,020
They'll poison us
and bury us under a dung heap.
634
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:23,390
I sautéed some mushrooms.
They'll help wash down the pork.
635
00:41:24,860 --> 00:41:26,660
You're not eating!
636
00:41:26,730 --> 00:41:28,520
It's the humidity.
637
00:41:28,590 --> 00:41:30,060
Madame Baudet!
638
00:41:30,130 --> 00:41:32,890
- Is it a bad time?
- We're eating.
639
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:34,950
Come in.
It's Madame Baudet.
640
00:41:35,030 --> 00:41:36,550
But it's a family dinner.
641
00:41:36,630 --> 00:41:40,580
Nothing fancy.
Have some tart with us.
642
00:41:40,660 --> 00:41:44,750
You know Carole Bouquet.
This is Patrick's old teacher.
643
00:41:44,830 --> 00:41:46,920
- Hello, Mrs. Bouquet.
- Hello, ma'am.
644
00:41:46,990 --> 00:41:48,320
Hi, sonny.
645
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,550
Have a glass of wine.
646
00:41:50,630 --> 00:41:53,890
With pleasure.
We'll have coffee at my place.
647
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:57,220
Just next door.
My son is dying to see you.
648
00:41:57,300 --> 00:41:59,490
- He adores you.
- We have to leave.
649
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,580
They're shooting a movie nearby.
650
00:42:02,660 --> 00:42:05,420
Just five minutes.
The time to say hello.
651
00:42:05,500 --> 00:42:09,390
It will perk him up.
He's been paralyzed for five years.
652
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:11,090
Okay, let's go now.
653
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,290
But just five minutes.
654
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,120
I knew it.
655
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,030
Come, it's this way.
656
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,430
Come on.
657
00:43:07,670 --> 00:43:10,330
Go in. He's in there.
658
00:43:19,100 --> 00:43:20,690
Go ahead!
659
00:43:31,170 --> 00:43:33,860
Hello.
I'm glad to meet you.
660
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,100
Mama ...
661
00:43:45,170 --> 00:43:47,570
- My hand...
- We'll drop by later.
662
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,530
- Hold my hand.
- Of course.
663
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,090
Are you okay?
664
00:43:54,170 --> 00:43:57,160
- Is he okay?
- This has never happened.
665
00:44:00,070 --> 00:44:01,130
What's wrong?
666
00:44:02,300 --> 00:44:03,790
You better rest.
667
00:44:07,170 --> 00:44:08,640
Stay in bed.
668
00:44:13,340 --> 00:44:16,960
- Oh, shit!
- He's walking.
669
00:44:18,270 --> 00:44:19,960
Come on, Carole.
670
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:21,800
I'm walking!
671
00:44:25,470 --> 00:44:26,830
It's a miracle!
672
00:44:26,900 --> 00:44:29,100
He's walking!
673
00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:34,170
- I'm walking!
- Please, come!
674
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,700
Look ... I'm walking!
675
00:44:36,770 --> 00:44:38,760
I've had enough.
Come on!
676
00:44:39,740 --> 00:44:41,500
I'm walking.
677
00:44:41,570 --> 00:44:43,870
Shit!
678
00:44:45,170 --> 00:44:48,140
I'm walking.
I have a hard-on!
679
00:44:51,700 --> 00:44:53,290
Excuse us.
680
00:44:59,140 --> 00:45:01,070
Come on, Carole.
681
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,520
Let go of her hand, mister!
682
00:45:25,940 --> 00:45:27,870
Start the car.
683
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:32,570
You never wondered
what this is all for?
684
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,090
Success? Stardom?
All the blah-blah?
685
00:45:36,170 --> 00:45:38,830
I haven't had the time recently.
686
00:45:38,900 --> 00:45:42,270
Let's discuss this another time.
Drive.
687
00:45:43,470 --> 00:45:45,590
What have you done
with your talent?
688
00:45:46,670 --> 00:45:47,930
Excuse me?
689
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,470
I've found the answer.
690
00:45:49,540 --> 00:45:51,530
I gave legs to a cripple.
691
00:45:52,570 --> 00:45:55,800
You're pulling my leg.
Cut it out.
692
00:45:55,870 --> 00:45:58,770
You think you healed a cripple?
693
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:03,000
He had an unconscious block.
Seeing you released it.
694
00:46:03,070 --> 00:46:04,370
There was no miracle.
695
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,830
You don't believe a thing.
Even what you see.
696
00:46:07,900 --> 00:46:10,800
I'm not the one going haywire.
You are.
697
00:46:10,870 --> 00:46:13,770
See it that way,
if it helps you.
698
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:16,830
It would help me
to tell the cops.
699
00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:21,270
Forget the police.
We'll find Patrick and scare him.
700
00:46:22,270 --> 00:46:24,200
This is my life!
He's my double, not yours!
For his mother's sake.
701
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:25,130
This is my life!
He's my double, not yours!
702
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,700
The cops aren't on your ass!
703
00:46:31,770 --> 00:46:34,700
So you work your miracles elsewhere.
704
00:46:34,770 --> 00:46:36,740
I won't take you to the cops.
705
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,330
I'll hitchhike.
Let me off.
706
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,060
It may take a while.
707
00:46:40,140 --> 00:46:42,000
Keep the faith, sister.
708
00:46:44,670 --> 00:46:46,600
Okay, but I warned you.
709
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,770
I can't leave him.
710
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:35,270
Is your tantrum over?
Climb back in.
711
00:47:35,340 --> 00:47:37,270
It's hard to refuse.
712
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,270
I'll get in behind,
if you don't mind.
713
00:47:48,300 --> 00:47:50,100
I can drive slowly.
714
00:47:50,170 --> 00:47:52,530
Don't bother.
I just feel like it.
715
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:54,430
You're a strange guy.
716
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:09,660
Are you sick again?
717
00:48:09,740 --> 00:48:11,130
Do I look it?
718
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:12,900
You just look strange.
719
00:48:12,970 --> 00:48:15,600
- In what way?
- As if something's up.
720
00:48:15,670 --> 00:48:17,600
- Bingo!
- What the hell?
721
00:48:17,670 --> 00:48:22,260
Pure heaven.
I'm fondling Carole Bouquet's breasts.
722
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,590
- So they're hot and soft.
- I mean what's next?
723
00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:28,790
Next maybe we can go hump.
724
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,770
It's time to get serious, Patrick.
Okay?
725
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,460
- How did you guess?
- Call it intuition.
726
00:48:36,540 --> 00:48:38,470
You're hurting me.
727
00:48:42,170 --> 00:48:44,030
Stop! I have a gun!
728
00:49:01,540 --> 00:49:03,900
Who's that tiny, bald actor?
729
00:49:03,970 --> 00:49:06,270
- Michel Blanc? Where?
- Under the salad bar.
730
00:49:07,540 --> 00:49:09,660
- Isn't she Carole Bouquet?
- Get out!
731
00:49:14,970 --> 00:49:16,440
Move it!
732
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,060
I'm coming!
733
00:49:19,140 --> 00:49:20,970
While I reload.
734
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:30,500
Shit!
I didn't know they were a couple.
735
00:49:35,470 --> 00:49:38,920
- Put your gun away.
- Shut up and walk.
736
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:40,440
Where are we going?
737
00:49:40,500 --> 00:49:43,940
Move or your asshole
will have a double too.
738
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,030
Did you lie to your whole town?
739
00:49:46,100 --> 00:49:49,230
Yeah.
They stopped calling me a loser.
740
00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:52,700
The bigger he got,
the more they liked me. I was trapped.
741
00:49:53,900 --> 00:49:56,840
There was no harm done.
No one died.
742
00:49:56,900 --> 00:49:58,870
- Nothing serious.
- And Balasko?
743
00:49:58,940 --> 00:50:02,330
I wanted to steal
some money from her.
744
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,530
Seeing her tied to the radiator
was too much.
745
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:07,330
I'm only human.
746
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:10,270
Listen, shrimp.
I'll make it brief.
747
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:13,030
Keep a low profile
from now on.
748
00:50:13,100 --> 00:50:16,800
If I see you again,
I'll knock the shit out of you.
749
00:50:16,870 --> 00:50:19,300
- Understand?
- Don't worry.
750
00:50:19,370 --> 00:50:22,170
Beat it now,
or we'll start all over.
751
00:50:22,240 --> 00:50:23,360
I'm going.
752
00:50:30,270 --> 00:50:33,400
I'd have come before,
but Carole Bouquet refused.
753
00:50:33,470 --> 00:50:35,660
The miracle unglued her.
754
00:50:35,740 --> 00:50:39,330
She says it's a miracle.
I say it's just nerves.
755
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:43,200
I bet he became a veggie again
after we left.
756
00:50:43,270 --> 00:50:46,700
I wanted to tell you
because he's dangerous.
757
00:50:50,540 --> 00:50:52,530
Do you have any questions?
758
00:50:58,900 --> 00:51:01,370
Cheers.
I've always wondered.
759
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:05,430
Do you improvise this stuff
or learn it by heart?
760
00:51:08,340 --> 00:51:11,860
Act in our Nativity Pageant
with us next Christmas.
761
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,330
Proud of yourself?
762
00:51:29,740 --> 00:51:32,670
On TV, you sing for Ethiopia.
763
00:51:32,740 --> 00:51:37,030
But when the cameras stop rolling,
you squeal.
764
00:51:37,100 --> 00:51:38,800
Who are you kidding?
765
00:51:38,870 --> 00:51:41,960
- I'll bash your face in!
- What is it?
766
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:43,300
- Relax!
- I'll kill you!
767
00:51:43,370 --> 00:51:45,360
You're crazy!
Let me explain.
768
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,870
Explain what?
That you got me in deep shit?
769
00:51:48,940 --> 00:51:51,660
- I'm suffocating.
- Save the explanation.
770
00:51:51,740 --> 00:51:53,630
Scum!
771
00:51:54,970 --> 00:51:57,960
Listen, I didn't ask
to look like you.
772
00:51:59,140 --> 00:52:02,430
Believe me,
I'd have chosen another face.
773
00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:04,630
Yours is no fun.
774
00:52:04,700 --> 00:52:07,730
And you picked some lousy roles.
775
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,360
Can't you vary them?
They're boring.
776
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,460
Spare me your advice.
I don't need it.
777
00:52:13,540 --> 00:52:16,970
That's a shame.
You'd have avoided some duds.
778
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:19,800
If you're ashamed,
don't act like me.
779
00:52:19,870 --> 00:52:24,300
I have all the minuses.
I deserve the pluses too.
780
00:52:24,370 --> 00:52:25,630
I have no privacy.
781
00:52:25,700 --> 00:52:28,140
When I trip, everyone laughs.
782
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:32,640
You chose your life, and it paid off.
You can't complain.
783
00:52:32,700 --> 00:52:34,630
All I can do is cry.
784
00:52:34,700 --> 00:52:36,400
You've ruined my life.
785
00:52:36,470 --> 00:52:40,870
What about mine?
I can't get a decent job with your face.
786
00:52:40,940 --> 00:52:43,800
What if Hitler
looked like Groucho Marx?
787
00:52:43,870 --> 00:52:47,360
You screwed up my life.
That's the truth.
788
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:49,900
I'm wasting my time with you.
789
00:52:49,970 --> 00:52:53,090
I won't change my job
or my face either.
790
00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:55,860
find a solution and get a life.
791
00:52:55,940 --> 00:52:59,490
If you start again,
I'll find smarter cops.
792
00:52:59,570 --> 00:53:00,970
Good night.
793
00:53:12,270 --> 00:53:14,260
I know a good solution.
794
00:53:14,340 --> 00:53:16,770
The best is to leave me alone.
795
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:19,830
We could become partners.
796
00:53:19,900 --> 00:53:22,560
It'd be smarter to share the job.
797
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:26,190
I don't understand...
or I'm too scared to.
798
00:53:26,270 --> 00:53:30,260
I'll do the TV shows that bore you.
799
00:53:31,270 --> 00:53:34,070
- You're talking fraud here.
- Why?
800
00:53:34,140 --> 00:53:36,300
The public gets
their money's worth.
801
00:53:36,370 --> 00:53:39,770
You do movies and write.
I'll do talk shows.
802
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,730
Your public won't complain.
803
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:47,290
Sometimes you seem dead tired.
You're only human.
804
00:53:47,370 --> 00:53:50,600
I'll do the movies
you do for the money.
805
00:53:50,670 --> 00:53:53,760
You do the quality stuff.
An actor's dream.
806
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:56,390
- It's never just for money.
- Cut it out.
807
00:53:56,470 --> 00:53:58,130
There's more to it.
808
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,140
And I bet you like the products
you advertise.
809
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,230
Think it over.
810
00:54:09,300 --> 00:54:11,670
How about taking a year off?
811
00:54:11,740 --> 00:54:13,790
India. Burma.
812
00:54:13,870 --> 00:54:17,200
Sunset by the Sulu Sea.
The streets of Manila.
813
00:54:17,270 --> 00:54:18,360
This is insane.
814
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:21,270
You wouldn't be the first.
815
00:54:21,340 --> 00:54:25,130
Ever wonder how Depardieu
makes so many movies?
816
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:26,430
It's humanly impossible.
817
00:54:26,500 --> 00:54:30,400
You're a raving lunatic.
You scare me.
818
00:54:30,470 --> 00:54:33,630
I don't need an answer now.
Take your time.
819
00:54:33,700 --> 00:54:35,470
You know where to find me.
820
00:54:35,540 --> 00:54:37,330
Good night.
821
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:09,590
I made a huge mistake
that I will pay for dearly.
822
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,300
What the fuck is happening?
823
00:55:28,370 --> 00:55:31,170
I was right.
I'm starting to panic.
824
00:55:40,100 --> 00:55:41,130
Is Carole home?
825
00:55:53,570 --> 00:55:54,870
Is it a bad time?
826
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:56,960
I warned you.
827
00:55:57,040 --> 00:55:59,060
No, it's me. Michel.
828
00:55:59,140 --> 00:56:00,930
I've been patient, Patrick.
829
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,530
Now I'm getting angry.
830
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:05,590
I'm not my double.
I'm Michel Blanc.
831
00:56:05,670 --> 00:56:08,660
Really?
It won't work. Come in.
832
00:56:17,770 --> 00:56:19,430
Come here.
833
00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:24,270
You're Michel Blanc? Perfect timing:
I'm eating with him.
834
00:56:24,340 --> 00:56:26,130
Bad luck, huh?
835
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:42,370
Say something, guys.
836
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:49,430
You can't believe him.
837
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,490
There's a slight resemblance.
838
00:56:51,570 --> 00:56:53,690
Honey, it's obviously not him.
839
00:56:53,770 --> 00:56:56,360
I'm no fool.
They're all blind.
840
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:57,960
The eyes are off.
841
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,560
This isn't funny.
842
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:03,070
The voice.
Michel never sounded like a fairy.
843
00:57:03,140 --> 00:57:06,130
There's the bastard
who raped me.
844
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:07,260
Josie, cut it out.
845
00:57:08,300 --> 00:57:09,500
Where's your hard-on?
846
00:57:09,570 --> 00:57:12,200
- You miss the radiator?
- Josie, please!
847
00:57:12,270 --> 00:57:14,200
I'll castrate this freak.
848
00:57:26,300 --> 00:57:29,000
Patrick, it can only get worse.
849
00:57:29,070 --> 00:57:33,370
I'm sorry we were violent.
It's to make you see reason.
850
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:36,200
I'll help you
if you decide to change.
851
00:57:37,270 --> 00:57:40,760
Help me wake up.
I'm fed up.
852
00:58:06,170 --> 00:58:07,970
A double brandy.
853
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,330
Coming up.
854
00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:25,140
Another.
855
00:58:29,270 --> 00:58:30,600
Can you look at me?
856
00:58:30,670 --> 00:58:34,300
I mean ... do you recognize me?
857
00:58:34,370 --> 00:58:36,700
Don't bother.
Pay up, mister.
858
00:58:36,770 --> 00:58:38,200
You misunderstood.
859
00:58:40,770 --> 00:58:42,630
Have you seen me before?
860
00:58:42,700 --> 00:58:44,640
I don't know. Turn around.
861
00:58:44,700 --> 00:58:48,830
Yeah ...
you're that asshole weatherman.
862
00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:52,270
No, not on TV.
At the movies.
863
00:58:52,340 --> 00:58:55,670
Sorry, mister.
Movies bore the shit out of me.
864
00:58:55,740 --> 00:58:58,570
Drink up and go.
865
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:34,150
You're pushing your luck.
866
00:59:35,420 --> 00:59:37,910
I'm sorry to say
the party's over.
867
00:59:37,990 --> 00:59:39,510
Put away your toys.
868
00:59:39,590 --> 00:59:42,550
Give me my keys
and get out of my life.
869
00:59:43,850 --> 00:59:48,150
Despite appearances,
you're an optimist, Michel.
870
00:59:48,220 --> 00:59:49,410
A real Pollyanna.
871
00:59:49,490 --> 00:59:51,880
It's bad for your films.
872
00:59:51,950 --> 00:59:54,890
The scenario is in my hands now.
873
00:59:54,950 --> 00:59:58,580
It won't be The Sound of Music.
Not for you, at least.
874
00:59:58,650 --> 01:00:00,980
So get used to it.
875
01:00:01,050 --> 01:00:03,990
Now I'm spinning
the Wheel of Fortune.
876
01:00:04,050 --> 01:00:06,880
Our face is as much mine
as yours.
877
01:00:06,950 --> 01:00:09,710
It's like time-sharing a condominium.
878
01:00:09,790 --> 01:00:12,650
You enjoyed it
for the first 40 years.
879
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:15,650
Now I've come with my bags
to evict you.
880
01:00:17,050 --> 01:00:18,710
You think I'll let you?
881
01:00:18,790 --> 01:00:20,580
You have no choice.
882
01:00:20,650 --> 01:00:23,410
Killing me isn't your style.
883
01:00:23,490 --> 01:00:25,850
You're a conformist, Patrick.
884
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:27,150
Don't call me Patrick.
885
01:00:27,220 --> 01:00:30,480
Get used to it.
You're Patrick now.
886
01:00:30,550 --> 01:00:33,540
You better go
before I tell the cops ...
887
01:00:33,620 --> 01:00:38,080
a thug claiming to be me
has raped my friends.
888
01:00:39,650 --> 01:00:40,780
You pig.
889
01:00:40,850 --> 01:00:43,610
Your time-sharing days
are numbered.
890
01:00:43,690 --> 01:00:46,450
I'm shutting down the condo.
Me, Michel Blanc!
891
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:50,110
In 24 hours,
it won't be worth diddly-squat!
892
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:06,050
Mr. Blanc, can I help you?
893
01:01:07,350 --> 01:01:10,080
Show me a big, fat diamond necklace.
894
01:01:10,150 --> 01:01:12,550
Have a seat.
I'll call the manager.
895
01:01:16,990 --> 01:01:19,480
- What's going on?
- Bullshit.
896
01:01:19,550 --> 01:01:21,920
They're making
a cops-and-robbers movie.
897
01:01:21,990 --> 01:01:25,210
Typical TV fare:
violence, blood and guts.
898
01:01:25,290 --> 01:01:28,740
He was better with a moustache.
He got fat.
899
01:01:28,820 --> 01:01:31,580
It's normal.
All movie stars drink.
900
01:01:31,650 --> 01:01:33,080
Get down!
901
01:01:34,690 --> 01:01:36,880
Will you open the safe?
902
01:01:36,950 --> 01:01:38,390
Open it, goddamn it!
903
01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:43,380
Great special effects!
904
01:01:43,450 --> 01:01:46,610
The alarm went off.
The police won't be long.
905
01:01:46,690 --> 01:01:48,620
Will you tell them
what I did?
906
01:01:48,690 --> 01:01:53,680
I promise that if you leave now,
it will remain our secret.
907
01:01:53,750 --> 01:01:56,880
Don't be stupid.
You'll ruin your career.
908
01:01:56,950 --> 01:02:01,250
What if I want to ruin it?
That's my business, not yours.
909
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:04,150
It's ours too.
We love your movies.
910
01:02:05,220 --> 01:02:06,950
Especially Santa Sucks!
911
01:02:07,020 --> 01:02:10,420
I wasn't in Santa Sucks!
Open the safe now!
912
01:02:15,620 --> 01:02:19,450
It's hard work.
I'd never have guessed.
913
01:02:23,820 --> 01:02:26,550
- Is there an exit?
- No,just offices.
914
01:02:26,620 --> 01:02:28,780
Too bad. Go down.
915
01:02:28,850 --> 01:02:30,780
Step on it.
916
01:03:08,620 --> 01:03:10,780
We'll make the 8 o'clock news.
917
01:03:10,850 --> 01:03:13,010
I'll call my wife.
What channel?
918
01:03:13,090 --> 01:03:15,850
I can't say.
All the bids aren't in yet.
919
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:18,350
If you need me,
I'm in makeup.
920
01:03:19,850 --> 01:03:24,840
Michel was on a shoot when he heard.
He's overwhelmed.
921
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:27,650
- I have to go.
- Where is he right now?
922
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:31,670
In his apartment.
He'll make a statement at 20:1 5.
923
01:03:31,750 --> 01:03:35,120
Excuse me,
a man's life is at stake.
924
01:03:35,190 --> 01:03:37,020
So all ends well for him.
925
01:03:37,090 --> 01:03:39,810
It's awful
for all the innocent victims.
926
01:03:39,890 --> 01:03:41,580
But for us...
927
01:03:41,650 --> 01:03:45,740
his friends and family,
it's a huge relief.
928
01:03:45,820 --> 01:03:49,050
- No one suspected anything?
- Sure, I did.
929
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:53,080
We thought it was stress.
It's a crazy business.
930
01:03:53,150 --> 01:03:56,020
I wanted him to dance, like me.
They're stubborn.
931
01:03:56,090 --> 01:03:58,750
I knew it,
but he wouldn't listen.
932
01:03:58,820 --> 01:03:59,980
She's just too smart.
933
01:04:00,050 --> 01:04:01,490
Tell us, Doctor...
934
01:04:01,550 --> 01:04:05,350
Is he insane?
Unbalanced? Sick?
935
01:04:05,420 --> 01:04:08,250
He came in,
claiming to be Michel Blanc.
936
01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:10,220
acute self-deprecation ...
I immediately observed
the symptoms of the Zinss Syndrome:
937
01:04:10,220 --> 01:04:13,720
I immediately observed
the symptoms of the Zinss Syndrome:
938
01:04:15,750 --> 01:04:17,310
obsessional neuroses ...
939
01:04:17,390 --> 01:04:18,980
penile disgust.
940
01:04:20,450 --> 01:04:24,320
I wasn't alarmed.
It's common in show business.
941
01:04:24,390 --> 01:04:26,510
Can he plead insane?
942
01:04:34,590 --> 01:04:35,710
Bouquet.
943
01:04:37,020 --> 01:04:39,110
Detective, in five minutes ...
944
01:04:39,190 --> 01:04:40,880
I'll bring him out.
945
01:04:40,950 --> 01:04:43,150
first,
the courts are full.
946
01:04:43,220 --> 01:04:45,850
Second,
mind your own business.
947
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:49,850
Perfect. In that case,
I'll do it without your okay.
948
01:04:51,020 --> 01:04:52,210
Stop her!
949
01:04:56,620 --> 01:04:57,850
Stop her, damn it!
950
01:05:07,620 --> 01:05:08,640
What happened?
951
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:11,020
Seeing her for real
was too much.
952
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:19,250
Guess who's here.
953
01:05:20,390 --> 01:05:23,410
I was shopping when I heard
you were here.
954
01:05:25,450 --> 01:05:28,610
I had an overpowering desire
to see you.
955
01:05:33,690 --> 01:05:35,710
Can I come down?
956
01:05:35,790 --> 01:05:37,720
I don't want to bother you either.
Are you down there?
957
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:38,250
I don't want to bother you either.
958
01:05:48,750 --> 01:05:51,580
We were a little hard on you
yesterday.
959
01:05:51,650 --> 01:05:54,620
I'd like to take some time
to talk a little.
960
01:05:56,650 --> 01:05:58,620
You know what we should do?
961
01:05:59,850 --> 01:06:02,780
Sneak away from everyone
and go to the sea.
962
01:06:07,950 --> 01:06:10,610
We could talk
and collect seashells.
963
01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:13,420
Okay, Patrick?
964
01:06:13,490 --> 01:06:16,540
I'm not Patrick!
And I'm not dumb!
965
01:06:16,620 --> 01:06:19,590
I think you're tired,
that's all.
966
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,580
I too sometimes wonder
who I am.
967
01:06:22,650 --> 01:06:25,180
I know who I am.
Michel Blanc.
968
01:06:25,250 --> 01:06:27,680
Leave, Carole.
Don't be stupid.
969
01:06:27,750 --> 01:06:30,840
I've been dying
to do something stupid.
970
01:06:32,020 --> 01:06:33,680
Ever since...
971
01:06:33,750 --> 01:06:36,340
I felt your hot hands
on my chest.
972
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:39,610
Maybe that's why I'm here.
973
01:06:39,690 --> 01:06:43,740
The more I see you,
the more my head spins.
974
01:06:44,820 --> 01:06:46,450
I'm going to faint.
975
01:06:47,350 --> 01:06:49,290
Stop hamming it up.
976
01:06:49,350 --> 01:06:51,380
I'm not acting.
977
01:06:51,450 --> 01:06:55,220
What is it like
when I lie down here, vulnerable?
978
01:06:55,290 --> 01:06:56,980
Like a defenseless victim.
979
01:06:57,050 --> 01:07:00,080
Carole, I'm Michel.
Please, believe me.
980
01:07:00,150 --> 01:07:03,020
Who cares who you are...
who I am...
981
01:07:03,090 --> 01:07:05,450
All I see are two bodies...
982
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:07,780
terribly close to each other.
983
01:07:07,850 --> 01:07:09,610
Describe this evening.
984
01:07:10,450 --> 01:07:12,480
It's sweet, like in spring.
985
01:07:12,550 --> 01:07:14,810
I find it steamy and torrid.
986
01:07:14,890 --> 01:07:17,940
Like in Malaysia,
before the monsoon.
987
01:07:18,020 --> 01:07:19,750
If only we could strip.
988
01:07:19,820 --> 01:07:22,790
I'm suffocating.
Can't you feel it?
989
01:07:22,850 --> 01:07:24,110
Your belt is tight.
990
01:07:24,190 --> 01:07:27,640
No, my life is.
My role is suffocating me.
991
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:31,280
I'm sick of being cold
and inaccessible.
992
01:07:31,350 --> 01:07:33,880
I'm sick of scaring people.
993
01:07:33,950 --> 01:07:38,750
I used to dream of sultry lambadas,
sweaty guys and rock concerts.
994
01:07:38,820 --> 01:07:41,980
Big, strong arms
that cage you in...
995
01:07:42,050 --> 01:07:44,640
protect you
and manhandle you.
996
01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:46,840
No one ever manhandles me.
997
01:07:46,866 --> 01:07:49,580
Manhandle me, Patrick.
Be vulgar.
998
01:07:49,650 --> 01:07:51,380
What's so special about Balasko?
999
01:07:51,450 --> 01:07:54,110
- I'm not Patrick.
- Fuck me like a secretary!
1000
01:08:12,190 --> 01:08:15,020
Sorry, Patrick.
I did it to save your life.
1001
01:08:15,090 --> 01:08:17,020
Yours and your mother's.
1002
01:08:17,090 --> 01:08:21,450
If someone's in trouble,
he should avoid you!
1003
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:23,610
I knew he was the double ...
1004
01:08:23,690 --> 01:08:25,980
sol set off the alarm.
1005
01:08:27,620 --> 01:08:29,140
Press conference!
1006
01:08:30,220 --> 01:08:33,080
One day you'll thank me.
1007
01:08:33,150 --> 01:08:35,950
They'll give you
lots of nice little pills.
1008
01:08:36,020 --> 01:08:37,750
You'll feel great afterwards.
1009
01:08:37,820 --> 01:08:40,650
If you need me,
feel free to call.
1010
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:43,810
You'll see.
It'll be like a vacation.
1011
01:09:03,850 --> 01:09:05,980
What a nice surprise.
1012
01:09:07,090 --> 01:09:09,680
Look, guys, he's back.
1013
01:09:12,620 --> 01:09:14,780
We missed you, you know.
1014
01:09:14,850 --> 01:09:18,480
Dede didn't eat for three days
after you left.
1015
01:09:19,190 --> 01:09:22,080
You got it wrong.
I'm not Michel Blanc.
1016
01:09:22,150 --> 01:09:23,710
Look. I'm smaller.
1017
01:09:23,790 --> 01:09:25,510
Fatter too.
1018
01:09:25,590 --> 01:09:26,850
We like you anyway.
1019
01:09:28,250 --> 01:09:29,680
Help!
1020
01:09:45,190 --> 01:09:47,280
Olivier, Patrick.
Warden's office.
1021
01:10:12,220 --> 01:10:14,880
- Have a seat.
- No, thank you.
1022
01:10:14,950 --> 01:10:20,110
Mr. Olivier, I hope you'll remember
your stay here fondly.
1023
01:10:21,490 --> 01:10:24,110
Remember you're always welcome.
1024
01:10:47,750 --> 01:10:50,520
- first name.
- Patrick.
1025
01:10:50,590 --> 01:10:52,980
Acting experience?
1026
01:10:53,050 --> 01:10:55,520
Lots, but I can't remember exactly.
1027
01:10:55,590 --> 01:10:59,110
Too bad.
You need a good memory to act.
1028
01:10:59,190 --> 01:11:01,850
I can be an extra.
To start with.
1029
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:06,550
You won't be starting soon,
because I have nothing for you.
1030
01:11:06,620 --> 01:11:10,610
Go look on the board in there.
You never know.
1031
01:11:15,550 --> 01:11:17,420
I can act in English too.
1032
01:11:18,490 --> 01:11:21,510
I'm glad you mentioned it.
Spielberg calls often.
1033
01:13:18,590 --> 01:13:20,180
I read the ad.
1034
01:13:20,250 --> 01:13:23,880
- Whose double are you?
- Michel Blanc's.
1035
01:13:23,950 --> 01:13:25,650
- You think so.
- I'm tired.
1036
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:27,050
With makeup...
1037
01:13:30,490 --> 01:13:33,150
Don't get your hopes too high.
1038
01:13:34,620 --> 01:13:36,090
Good-bye.
1039
01:13:42,250 --> 01:13:44,190
They didn't choose you.
1040
01:13:45,420 --> 01:13:48,250
I've been waiting.
I spotted you earlier.
1041
01:13:49,890 --> 01:13:52,110
- Were you also...
- Yes, sir.
1042
01:13:52,190 --> 01:13:53,450
You're Noiret's double?
1043
01:13:53,520 --> 01:13:56,640
Catherine Deneuve's,
but I have the flu.
1044
01:13:57,820 --> 01:13:59,980
I'm joking.
1045
01:14:00,050 --> 01:14:01,990
We can joke around.
1046
01:14:02,050 --> 01:14:04,280
Can I walk with you?
1047
01:14:04,350 --> 01:14:06,080
I have nowhere to go.
1048
01:14:06,150 --> 01:14:09,590
Perfect.
I'm going in that direction.
1049
01:14:21,250 --> 01:14:22,950
Why are we here?
1050
01:14:23,020 --> 01:14:24,950
Because we have to talk.
1051
01:14:27,890 --> 01:14:29,910
You're not eating.
1052
01:14:31,990 --> 01:14:35,510
You're depressing me.
You look down and out.
1053
01:14:36,590 --> 01:14:40,990
Have some cheese
if you don't like blood pudding.
1054
01:14:41,050 --> 01:14:44,250
After I have some nice Port wine.
1055
01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:47,810
We'll smoke a cigar
and talk things over.
1056
01:14:47,890 --> 01:14:50,220
I'm not hungry.
1057
01:14:50,290 --> 01:14:53,950
Of course you are.
Prison gives you an appetite.
1058
01:14:55,690 --> 01:14:57,280
Why do you say that?
1059
01:14:58,750 --> 01:15:00,740
Because you just got out of jail.
1060
01:15:01,990 --> 01:15:04,750
It always ends the same way.
1061
01:15:04,820 --> 01:15:06,750
The same old screenplay.
1062
01:15:08,650 --> 01:15:13,420
Look at me.
I am Philippe Noiret.
1063
01:15:13,490 --> 01:15:16,980
What happened to you
happened to me.
1064
01:15:17,050 --> 01:15:19,750
first they replace you
for the drudgery.
1065
01:15:19,820 --> 01:15:22,080
One day it goes too far.
1066
01:15:22,150 --> 01:15:25,090
The key doesn't fit in the lock.
1067
01:15:25,150 --> 01:15:27,420
You're thrown out
with the garbage.
1068
01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:32,066
So I'm not alone?
1069
01:15:32,106 --> 01:15:35,020
Of course you're not alone.
1070
01:15:35,090 --> 01:15:38,850
At first I liked it.
My wife was becoming a pain.
1071
01:15:41,250 --> 01:15:44,120
Then... you get used to it.
1072
01:15:44,190 --> 01:15:47,020
I won't accept it.
I want to fight back.
1073
01:15:47,090 --> 01:15:48,180
fight back?
1074
01:15:48,250 --> 01:15:52,150
Why fight back?
Let me show you something.
1075
01:15:52,220 --> 01:15:53,810
May I row?
1076
01:16:00,620 --> 01:16:03,420
What was there before?
A movie theater.
1077
01:16:03,490 --> 01:16:05,320
Another one there.
1078
01:16:05,390 --> 01:16:09,720
Before, they sold love and adventure.
Now they peddle garbage.
1079
01:16:09,790 --> 01:16:11,340
There are theaters left.
1080
01:16:11,420 --> 01:16:13,280
There sure are!
1081
01:16:13,350 --> 01:16:17,250
Did you ever see what's playing?
Any French films?
1082
01:16:25,120 --> 01:16:27,520
That's what you hear now.
1083
01:16:27,590 --> 01:16:30,350
French cinema
is biting the dust.
1084
01:16:30,420 --> 01:16:33,780
We'll all end up mice
in their amusement parks.
1085
01:16:33,850 --> 01:16:35,780
Aren't you exaggerating?
1086
01:16:35,850 --> 01:16:37,840
Jesus fucking Christ!
1087
01:16:37,920 --> 01:16:40,940
Did you ever look at the figures?
1088
01:16:41,020 --> 01:16:44,920
You should.
Because they're not reassuring.
1089
01:16:44,990 --> 01:16:49,080
Come see the current state
of French cinema.
1090
01:16:54,320 --> 01:16:56,250
Look!
1091
01:16:56,320 --> 01:16:58,080
It's under there.
1092
01:16:58,150 --> 01:17:00,640
French cinema
is now the Unknown Soldier.
1093
01:17:09,620 --> 01:17:13,420
- Come on, Philippe.
- Isn't this like the French Oscars?
1094
01:17:13,490 --> 01:17:16,750
I have some money left.
Come have a coffee.
1095
01:17:19,350 --> 01:17:21,910
Do you see your movies with him?
1096
01:17:21,990 --> 01:17:25,980
Supposedly he does typical Noiret.
And you?
1097
01:17:27,190 --> 01:17:30,180
Go see the last one.
You'll enjoy it.
1098
01:17:30,250 --> 01:17:31,340
What is it?
1099
01:17:31,420 --> 01:17:34,870
It's about doubles.
With Carole Bouquet.
1100
01:17:36,250 --> 01:17:40,840
There are two guys there!
Can't you see them?
1101
01:17:40,920 --> 01:17:43,680
We're shooting a film here.
Please move.
1102
01:17:43,750 --> 01:17:45,340
Excuse us.
1103
01:17:48,350 --> 01:17:50,080
Camera!
1104
01:17:50,820 --> 01:17:53,480
The weather is simply delightful.
1105
01:17:53,550 --> 01:17:55,490
How about taking a walk?
1106
01:17:55,550 --> 01:17:56,920
Gentlemen...
1107
01:17:57,990 --> 01:18:01,080
would you be interested
in acting?
1108
01:18:01,150 --> 01:18:04,740
In my movie.
We need two waiters.
1109
01:18:05,650 --> 01:18:07,810
No, thank you.
1110
01:18:07,890 --> 01:18:10,320
Come on.
Let's not hang around.
1111
01:18:11,420 --> 01:18:12,910
Give them an inch...
1112
01:18:13,720 --> 01:18:15,190
What are the conditions?
1113
01:18:16,750 --> 01:18:17,780
Name your price.
1114
01:18:17,850 --> 01:18:20,750
Talk to our agents.
No less than 2500 a day.
1115
01:18:20,820 --> 01:18:24,340
Plus a per diem.
We're not from Paris.
1116
01:18:24,420 --> 01:18:25,910
We're based in London.
1117
01:18:25,990 --> 01:18:28,850
And a trailer too.
The trailer's important.
1118
01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:30,780
Take them to makeup.
1119
01:18:30,850 --> 01:18:32,790
We'll start once they're ready.
1120
01:18:35,220 --> 01:18:37,150
This way, guys.
74310
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