Original subtitles

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

I believe we've got most of the details pretty well ironed out.

Now, all we have to do is to figure some way

to interest the outsider in it.

Yeah, well, I'll... Oh... yes, you see

we go to all this trouble puttin' on Founders Day.

It certainly seems to me that we ought to get

more outsiders to come and see it.

But how?

Yeah, that's a stickler, all right.

How do we stir up interest?

Well, well, I-I had a thought on that.

What was that, Andy?

Well, it-it seems to me

the way to interest outsiders

would be to involve a outsider.

Well, just exactly what do you mean by that?

Well, see, we call Mayberry the Friendly City.

Suppose we be friendly to somebody.

Suppose we take a outsider, somebody not from Mayberry,

and make him a guest of honor for the day.

We get all the merchants

to chip in and give something...

Why, that could be a really good-sized attraction.

Get out some publicity on it.

I bet you that we could draw people from all over the county.

From this whole state, maybe.

What do you think?

I think that's all right.

Well, gee, you could give, uh... a nice, uh, meat...

And then you'll... uh, yes.

I think it's a amazing coincidence.

Huh?

That's exactly the same idea I had.

Oh, back there where it was a real stickler?

A little after that.

It sounds like a good idea to me, Andy.

Yeah, I go along with Art.

Let's bring it up to the town council

and if they go along with it,

well, we'll get to work on it.

Only thing, how are we gonna pick

this guest of honor?

Yes, Andy, now, how do we do that?

Yeah, how are we gonna do that?

Well, there's a real simple way of doing it.

Suppose we go out to the city limits

on the morning of Founders Day

and we stop the first car that's being driven

by somebody not from Mayberry.

And that'll be our guest of our honor!

That's good. That's real good.

Sound fair enough?

It's just amazing!

What?

That's the same idea I had again.

Well, we do think alike, don't we?

Well, great minds.

Do you know, Andy,

we can really play this thing up big?

We can have a great big banner across the road saying,

"Welcome to Mayberry."

We'll have the band there.

We'll give 'em the old police escort into town

with the sirens blastin'.

Give 'em the works!

That's amazing!

Huh?

That's the same idea I had.

So I hereby declare you official temporary deputies

of the Mayberry police force.

At ease.

Uh, that means you can put your hands down.

Boys, this is it.

Now, there's going to be

a whole lot more folks in town today than usual...

It being Founders Day and all...

So let's just make sure that everything goes smooth

and extend the courtesy of Mayberry to everybody.

You know, answer questions, give directions

and just anything that folks might want.

And you better wear your caps

so that folks will recognize you.

Uh...

Floyd, you and Art wanna change caps?

Uh... change back.

Something wrong?

Oh, no, no.

You both look very nice.

Very nice.

Uh, well, that's it.

Uh, Sheriff, I, uh... I have something to say.

Now, men, I have just one thing to say.

This isn't gonna be kid's stuff...

Uh, Barney...?

Sheriff, if you don't mind.

Now, there won't be room for any mistakes out there.

One mistake is one too many.

And you'll each be on your own.

There'll be no mollycoddling.

That badge means something!

Don't any of you disgrace it!

I won't, sir.

Did you have permission to talk?

No, sir.

What's your badge number?

Three.

All right, three, watch it!

Now listen, men, and listen good.

There's liable to be trouble out there today.

We're liable to have folks among us

who are here for more than just a good time

if you know what I mean.

Now, the minute it looks like there's gonna be trouble,

we got to nip it, nip it in the bud!

You got that?

Mm-hmm.

Let's hear it!

Nip it in the bud!

Sir, may I ask something?

Badge number?

Two.

All right, two, go head.

Are we gonna be armed?

No, I'm afraid not, gentlemen.

I'm afraid there won't be any time

to educate you men in the proper use of firearms.

Somebody could get hurt.

You see, if you're not familiar with firearms,

these babies can go off.

Now...

Uh... uh, you see what I mean?

Now, I did that

just to show you what could happen.

That'll be all, men. 10-4.

Well, uh, that's, uh... that's all, boys.

Let's, let's just get on out to the city line

and welcome our guest of honor. Move!

All right, let's move!

Hut! Hut!

Hut! Hut!

All right, Sheldon,

this is where we leave you...

or rather you leave us.

Now get going and don't ever

let us catch you in Pierce County again.

Aah, what a touching farewell speech.

On second thought, get out.

What for?

I want to make sure you leave here clean.

Come on.

What's this?

The Chief's watch!

Well, he wouldn't give me the time,

so I had to take it.

Get out of here before I lose my temper.

I'm going. I'm going.

Hey, here comes something.

I sure don't recognize this car. Come on.

All right, now, you all the same way. Same way.

Now, hold it, hold it, hold it, fellows.

Hold it, hold it.

Howdy.

What's wrong, Officers?

I'm... I'm just a stranger passing through.

Oh, we know. We know.

You know what?

Uh, could I ask your name?

Well, I...

You mean, you don't know who I am?

Well, 'course not. How could I?

You never been in Mayberry before, have you?

Well, no. I...

Yes, I... m-m-my name is Thomas A. Moody

and I-m, I'm, I'm a traveling salesman.

Well, Mr. Thomas A. Moody, this is your lucky day.

That's right.

We cordially invite you

to be Mayberry's guest of honor for the day.

What for?

Why, to help us celebrate Founders Day.

See, it's a annual celebration

and we'd be honored to have you celebrate it with us.

That's right. You get to go to all the stores

and you get free gifts and everything.

You'd be Mayberry's guest.

Well, uh... Then you'll accept?

Well, I would be a crass bore indeed

to refuse such kind and trusting hospitality.

Good, good, good, good.

Floyd, have you got the key?

The key? Oh!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Mr. Moody... Thomas A.

Mr. Thomas A. Moody, I hereby present you the key to Mayberry.

Yeah...

All right, folks.

All right, all right.

All right, boys.

Hold it, boys. Hold it.

All right, quiet down now, everybody.

Folks, I'd like to introduce to you our guest of honor,

Mr. Thomas A. Moody.

All right, qu-quiet, quiet right... quiet right down.

Mr. Moody, Mayberry is yours.

There we are.

Thank you, Sheriff.

Members of the committee,

ladies and gentlemen of Mayberry,

it's awfully hard to know what to say

on an occasion such as this.

I'll tell you one thing though:

It's never happened to me before.

When your sheriff just said that Mayberry is mine,

you've no idea what this means to me.

What can I say?

I'll take it!

But I do want to tell you what a thrill this is for me

and I want to thank you, each and every one,

for making this moment possible.

But enough of this talk, let me thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

if you'll excuse me,

I'll go to my hotel room and freshen up a bit

before starting on that generous journey

through the bazaars of Mayberry.

The key.

All right, folks.

All right, folks, folks.

Hold it, hold it.

Now, as-as you know,

we're scheduled to meet in front of Crowley's Market

at exactly 10:31

to start the tour of our merchant stores.

Now that'll be exactly, uh...

Uh, what time is it, Floyd?

Oh, Andy, it's exactly, uh...

Well, it's, uh... What time is it?

I've got, uh...

Yeah, Yeah. Well, that checks, that checks...

Black hair, small mustache, five foot nine.

That's him, all right. Huh?

Is that right? Every county, huh?

Uh, no, no, I don't know why he stopped here in Mayberry,

but don't you worry.

We'll send him packin' in a hurry.

Right-right, Fred.

Thank you.

Barney, what are you doing here? Where is Davis?

Davis?

That's our guest of honor's real name... Sheldon Davis.

He's a known thief and pickpocket.

He's been kicked out of every county

all up and down the whole eastern seaboard.

Our guest of honor? Oh, no!

I left him under a hot towel at Floyd's

for his complimentary shave and haircut.

Well, he can't steal too much under circumstances like that.

We'll just have to keep a eye on him.

Andy, this is terrible!

It's the very thing

we've been tryin' to guard against.

We'll have to run him out of town.

Yeah, we'll have to, but we can't.

Well, why not?

Well, we did pick him for our guest of honor

and he'll have to be that.

We'll, we'll just have to watch him.

When we see him try to steal something,

we'll nab him.

Yeah, I guess so.

Andy, I was against this whole guest of honor business

right from the beginning.

I thought you was thinkin' the exact same thing

right at the time.

Oh, now you're tryin' to pass the buck, huh, Andy?

That's pretty small, pret-ty small.

But I'm willing to share the blame

if it'll make you feel any better.

You're all heart, Barn.

Look, Andy, if we let him stay around here,

he'll steal this town blind.

Not if we watch him.

We'll watch him

till the end of the day's festivities.

Now, that's six hours from now.

Six hours, huh?

Yeah, I guess we'll just have to wait it out

and be ready for anything.

Two, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two,

hut-two, hut-two, hut-two.

Detail... halt!

Hut-ho.

I just... I'm checkin' in, Chief.

Everything is under control, Chief.

There's nothing to worry about in Mayberry today.

Get them out of here.

All right, out, out, out! Out!

Wait a minute... Come on, out!

Out! Out!

Oh, well, fine! Gee whiz.

Get Floyd back here.

Number three!

Number three reporting, sir.

Chief wants to talk to ya.

Floyd, I thought you was givin' our guest of honor a shave.

Well, I did, sir. Well, where is he?

Well, he went to the hotel room.

He said he wanted to freshen up a bit. Come on, Barney.

You're dismissed, three.

Oh...

I tell you, Madge, I've stumbled into Shangri-la.

I've had the whole town to myself.

They've taken me around to all their stores

showered me with gifts,

and now they're waiting for me at the public square

to watch the Founders Day Pageant, and...

but listen, I don't think I'll show up.

Huh?

Well, I want to revisit one of their stores.

There's a few more things I want to pick up.

Ah, it sure is takin' him a long time to freshen up.

Well, at least in his own hotel room,

he can't do much damage.

Mm...

You know, Andy, it's a shame about these fellas that steal.

Yeah, they ought not to do that.

I was readin' an article about 'em

in one of the police magazines.

"Kleptaminaracks" they call 'em.

What?

Kleptaminaracks.

What's a "kleptaminarack"?

It's a person that steals 'cause he can't help it.

It's a... sickness.

I don't believe I've ever seen one.

Oh.

Oh.

You know what they do with them in prisons?

Well, they have a rehabilitation program,

where they, you know, talk to them a lot

and they let them read books,

and they have them make these baskets and things.

Then when they're released,

well, they can be useful citizens.

Yeah, I... I guess so.

Yeah, it's amazing what they can do

to straighten these fellas out just with a little talk.

You know, they just show 'em right from wrong,

point out the errors of their ways,

and tell them it's just wrong to steal.

And them baskets and things,

that cures them, huh?

Yeah, 'cause they're sick.

Oh.

Excuse me, Chief.

Floyd, what are you doin' here?

Well, I heard you say

that you were gonna come over here.

The reception committee is at your office

and they want to know the order of events

for the Founders Day Pageant.

Oh, I better get down there

and see if I can keep this thing glued together.

Barney, you... All right, Floyd, dismissed.

Right, Chief. Oh.

All right...

You stay here and keep a eye on Davis

and don't you let that bird leave here without you.

I got it. You got it? All right.

Can you handle it?

Oh, Andy... I'm, I'm, I'm sorry.

I'll probably be back before he comes out.

Take your time. I can handle it.

I believe I'll have a little talk with him.

The main thing I got to do is shake these characters.

Then I can make one good haul before I leave and...

Hang on.

Yes?

Deputy Fife.

Come in, Deputy.

Yes, good-bye, Mama.

Yes, I'll tell you all about it when I see you.

Good-bye, Mama.

That was Mama.

She's so proud of me being Mayberry's guest of honor.

Aw, that's just fine.

It's nice when your mom's proud of ya.

'Course I've known a lot of men

whose moms weren't proud of 'em.

That's because they were rotten.

Yeah, I see a lot of that sort

in my line of work.

It's grim. It's pretty grim.

And it's sad, too...

You know, fellas who've taken the wrong road

when they could so easily have just taken the right one.

You know, men who could become

decent, happy citizens just throwin' their lives away.

Ah, I think it's a shame when they do that.

Don't you think it's a shame when they do that?

Hmm?

Oh, shame, yeah... it's such a shame.

Yeah. I know why they do it, too.

They're bitter.

You know, they figure nobody trusts 'em.

It's the old nobody-trusts-'em complex.

Is that why they do it?

Oh, no doubt about it.

Now, uh, me, I don't happen to be

one of them people that don't trust people.

I happen to be one of them people

that does trust people, and you know what I find?

I find that when you do trust people, they trust you back.

Lookee here.

You see these keys?

Now, they're the keys to every store in Mayberry.

Now, that means that

every storekeeper in this town trusts me.

Oh... gee.

I think it's nice when people trust each other.

You do?

Yes. I've always wanted somebody to have faith in me.

Yeah.

You know, trust me.

I know.

Say, did you ever notice how these

21-jeweled wristwatches

with the pure gold bands sorta...

sorta pinch your wrist?

Yeah, they sure do pinch your wrist.

I think I'll just... just leave that

right there and kinda...

kinda rub my wrist a little bit...

Let some air get to it.

Yeah, yeah, I always say,

"If you... if you can't trust your fellow man, why...

what good are ya?"

This old world'd be a mighty poor place to live in

if you couldn't...

What do ya know?

I got to him.

Okay, okay.

Now listen, wh-when we sing the Mayberry song,

let's be sure and get the words right.

That's, "Mayberry'll shine tonight, Mayberry'll shine.

"When the moon comes up, and the sun goes down

Mayberry'll shine."

You got that? Okay, fine.

Better get out copies on it.

Barney.

Oh, Barn, hi.

Hi, boys.

Barney, what are you doin' here?

Where's uh, uh...? You mean, uh...?

Yeah. Where is he?

Oh, he's gone.

He's gone?!

Uh, uh, all right, boys, out, out, out, out.

Go out and march around town.

Then patrol, then check and see how the town is.

Go ahead. Okay.

Where's Davis?

Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about Davis if I were you.

I had a little talk with him.

You had a talk with him?

Right, about truth and honesty,

and then I took off my wristwatch,

and I put it on the table right in front of him,

then I turned my back... Lookee there.

I 'spect he's down the town square waitin' for us.

Where's your keys?

Hmm?

Your keys! Where's your keys?

Oh, my gosh... Come on.

Everything is okay in Mayberry.

Get out...!

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave

when first we practice to deceive."

Come on, let's move.

Right through here.

Come on. Come on.

Get in there, buster!

Who do you think you're dealing with, a bunch of hicks?

You might be able to get away with that stuff in the big city,

but you gotta get up pretty early in the morning

to get away with it in Mayberry, buddy.

Well, it looks like our guest of honor

is gonna spend more time with us than we thought.

Yeah.

Holy cow.

Would you look at that?

He's picked every pocket in Mayberry.

We got to get this stuff back to the folks it belongs to.

Yeah. Well, his picking days are over for a while.

Yeah.

Where's your badge?

Huh?

Your badge, where is it?

All right, smart aleck!

Hand that badge over

and don't go trying any more of that around here!

I knew you took it off me all the time!

So don't think you're so smart!