Original subtitles

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

♪ 'Nita ♪

♪ Juanita ♪

♪ 'Nita ♪

♪ Juanita ♪

Uh... hey... hey, Barn?

Huh?

Are they the new wanted flyers that come in from Raleigh?

Yeah.

Uh... Barn?

Huh?

Anything interesting in 'em?

Like maybe a suspect we might find in the area?

No.

♪ 'Nita... ♪

Lunch everybody!

Oh, hi, Aunt Bee.

Hi, boys.

Oh, I hope it's good.

Oh, it'll be fine.

I'll get washed up.

Okay.

Aunt Bee, Barney's been singing again.

I don't know how he does it,

but he's got a knack of hittin' a note

just enough off to make your skin crawl.

Oh, Andy, everybody can't sing.

You've got to be tolerant of him.

♪ 'Nita, Juanita... ♪

Have a sandwich, Barney.

Yeah, fill up your mouth there, Barn.

Eat slow.

Eat a whole lot and eat real slow.

All right.

Well, howdy, John.

Hello, John.

Hello, Bee.

Well, what's the trouble?

Andy, I've got to talk to you.

Well, won't you have a sandwich?

No. No, thank you.

Andy, we've got a big problem with the choir.

We have?

Ralph Pritchard is dropping out.

No, he's not. Oh, no.

Yes. Yes, he is. Yes, sir.

With his new job of his,

he's on the road two weeks out of three

so he just has to step out.

Well, I declare, what in the world

are we going to do about a first tenor?

I just don't know, Andy.

I'm at my wits' end.

What about Fred Mason?

Works nights, can't ever make practice...

And with that concert coming up,

we need plenty of practice.

We sure do that. We sure...

Hey, how about Rick Jackson?

Maybe he's a tenor now that he's had his tonsils and adenoids...?

No. No?

He's got that foghorn voice

even with all his passages cleared out.

Ordinarily, it wouldn't be so bad.

I mean, we could get by,

but you know, the judges of the state contest will be there.

That's right.

Yes, they will.

And if we don't make a good showing for them,

we won't even be considered for the finals at Roanoke.

After us working so hard all year?

Yeah, it's tough, all right.

As my old voice teacher used to say,

"A choir without its tenor

is like a star without its glimmer."

You know who used to say that?

My old voice teacher.

That's the teacher I had when I studied voice.

Barney, you have a trained voice?

I didn't know you studied singing.

Oh, well, just a little.

Uh, John...

Andy, this could solve everything for us!

Barney, wh-what part did you sing?

Oh, first tenor.

Oh, tenor. John...

Well, Barney, how about you joining the choir?

Me?

Sure!

With all your training,

you're just what we've been looking for.

Well, gosh... gee...

golly Ned, I never gave that much thought.

Did you, Andy?

No, I sure never did.

You need a tenor, huh?

Oh, with that concert coming up

in less than two weeks, we're desperate.

Oh, well... I guess I wouldn't be

a very civic-minded citizen if I refused, would I?

You can count on old Barn, John.

I'll step in and help you out.

When's practice?

Practice is tonight at the town hall.

And you can come along with Andy.

Right, Sheriff?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'll bring him.

Barney, that's just wonderful.

Isn't that just wonderful, Bee?

Yes.

Barney, speaking for the whole choir, welcome aboard.

Well, thank you, John.

Wait till Thelma Lou hears about this.

She'll be thrilled.

Barney's going to be in the choir?

My Barney?

That's right.

But Barney can't sing.

I know.

He's a warm, wonderful person

and I love him dearly, but he can't sing.

That's true.

He's kind, considerate,

good-hearted, the most gentle person

I've ever known, but he can't sing.

You're right. He's the man I want to marry,

the man I want to be the father of my children...

But he can't sing.

Not a lick.

Well, I'm afraid he's gonna sing

and there's nothing we can do about it.

John Masters already welcomed him aboard.

What's going to happen at choir practice tonight?

Well, I expect everybody will find out Barney can't sing.

Not a lick.

Please turn to Number 14A for our first selection.

Ready?

Hazel?

♪ Welcome, sweet springtime ♪

♪ We greet thee in song... ♪

Oh, oh... shh.

Folks, I think I detected a little flat note there.

Well, perhaps I'm mistaken.

But let's just try it again, shall we?

Hazel... ♪ Welcome, sweet springtime ♪

♪ We greet thee in song... ♪

No, no, no, no.

Shh. Folks,

I definitely heard it this time.

Someone is definitely singing off-key.

Now, let's just watch it, shall we?

Hazel... Excuse me. Excuse me.

What?

Maybe I can help you out.

I'll sort of move around, see if I can spot who it is.

Very good, Barney.

Hazel... Welcome, sweet springtime ♪

♪ We greet thee in song ♪

♪ Murmurs of gladness ♪

♪ Fall on the ear ♪

♪ Voices long hushed now their full notes prolong ♪

♪ Echoing far and near... ♪

I think you cut out a little too soon.

I didn't have a chance to spot who it was.

Keep it going.

You sure he didn't follow you?

Oh, no.

After he took me home, I waited till he drove off

and then just to make sure, I slipped out the back way.

Good.

Well, Thelma Lou, I guess you know

why I called this emergency meeting.

I'm going to tell Barney Fife to get out of the choir.

Now, John, you can't kick him out

the very day you asked him to join.

I've got to, Andy, or he'll ruin the choir.

Well, there's bound to be another way.

Uh, Thelma Lou, you're his girl...

Oh, no, I-I couldn't.

Aunt Bee, he likes you.

Well, why me?

Andy, you're his friend.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

Then I'll tell him.

No. You can't do that, John.

Well, what do you suggest?

Maybe he'll fall down and break his mouth.

Hi, John.

Hi. Come on in.

Hi. How are you? Hello, everybody.

Hi, gang.

Boy, you sure did wait till the last minute

to change the meeting place. How come?

Well, we figured we had to have one practice without Barney,

so's we get an idea of where we're going.

The poor boy.

He'll be expecting us all over at town hall.

That's the truth.

Well, I had to do something.

Do you realize that concert is a week from tonight

and we haven't sung one number through on key?

Well, of course, there's always the alternative.

I could tell him to his face.

No... Oh, no.

Don't do that. We'll do it.

Then let's begin, shall we?

How y'all feeling?

Bee... Thelma Lou... Andy...

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

All right now.

Now, everybody... 14A, from the beginning.

Everybody ready?

Now a nice group, please... nice group.

Ready?

Hazel... One, two, one, two...

♪ Welcome, sweet springtime ♪

♪ We greet thee in song ♪

♪ Murmurs of gladness fall on the ear ♪

♪ Voices long hushed ♪

♪ Now their full notes prolong... ♪

Hi, John.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, hi, Barn. Hi, Barney.

Gee, you changed the meetin' place, huh?

Golly, it's a lucky thing

I turned down Elm Street and heard the singing.

You know, next time you change the meeting place,

you ought to let a fella know.

Who's the phone committee?

Oh, uh, didn't anybody call you, Barn?

No, they didn't.

I'm sorry, Barney.

I don't know how that oversight came about.

Well, no harm done.

All's well that ends well.

Here I am.

Let's get started.

Oh, good old 14A.

♪ Me-me-me-me ♪

Me-me-me-me, aaah... ♪

Okay.

Hazel... ♪ Welcome, sweet springtime ♪

♪ We greet thee in song ♪

♪ Murmurs of gladness... ♪

I'm sorry, Andy, but my mind is made up.

This cannot go on.

The concert is day after tomorrow

and I will not have it ruined

by that caterwauling tenor.

Well?

What's it to be?

You or me?

All right, John, if it's got to be done

I guess it's our place to do it.

Thelma Lou, you and Barney

come on over to the house tonight

and together we'll try to think of some way

to keep him from showing up

at that concert.

Well, all right, but how?

Well, after supper, we'll, we'll take him in

and set him down, and talk to him...

Reason with him, explain it all to him...

Then we'll tie him up and put him in the closet.

Yeah, that was really, really, good to eat.

Yeah, good to eat.

I'll have some more of that coffee.

Uh, hey, Barn?

Huh?

There's, uh... there's something

we've been wanting to talk with you about.

Something we've been thinking about... about the choir.

And I bet I know just what it is.

The way we been singing good old 14A

leaves a lot to be desired.

Listen, while we're all here

why don't we just get in a little extra practice?

Well, that's...

Well, it wouldn't hurt none, you know?

I mean, no matter how good we are,

there's always room for improvement.

None of us is perfect.

Come on, Thelma Lou.

You can tickle the old ivories.

Come on.

Set right down there now.

One thing about singing, you never get too much practice.

That's what my voice teacher used to say.

Here it is. All right. Come on. Come on.

Come on. That's the place, I believe.

All right.

Okay. ♪ Me... me... me. ♪

Okay, everybody ready?

All right.

♪ Welcome, sweet springtime, we greet thee in song ♪

Somebody sounds terrible.

♪ Murmurs of gladness fall on the ear ♪

Barney...!

♪ Voices long hushed now their full notes prolong ♪

Hey, hey, hold it, hold it, hold it.

Did somebody hit a sour note?

Worse than that. Open up your mouth.

Huh?

Open your mouth. I want to see something.

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah... Oh-oh.

Oh-oh?

Aunt Bee, Aunt Bee,

you and Thelma Lou look, see if you see it.

Open up. Ah.

Oh, it's all red!

Ain't it?

It's red as can be.

It is?

Yes. And swelled up.

Oh, there's a lump in there that big.

Well, Andy, I don't feel sick.

I mean, not very.

It's likely it just started.

You'll be feeling it in a few hours.

I think you better get to bed.

Get to bed?!

For how long?

I mean there's the concert and everything!

Oh, well, you'll have to forget about that.

Huh? Forget about it?

Not be in it?

Leave you without a first tenor?

Well, it'll be a blow to the group.

Blow to the group, there's no doubt about that but,

well, it can't be helped.

But, Andy, I think I can make it.

Barney, you have to think of the others.

I mean, their health.

Their health. You have to think of their health.

Even if you could make it

you wouldn't want to spread your germs

all over everybody else, would you?

No, I wouldn't but...

Come on, honey, I'll take you home.

Now go along with her, Barney.

And don't you think about the concert.

You just think about getting well.

That's right. Yeah, but to be this close and then not make it.

Rest, Ba... rest, Barney, rest, Barney.

Who could that be at this hour?

I don't know.

I reckon I better see, hadn't I?

Barney, what are you doing here?

Andy, I got great news!

My throat ain't sore after all.

How'd you find out?

He insisted on stopping by Doc Kravits.

Well, sure. This is important.

I didn't want to let the group down.

I figured maybe he could give me

one of them miracle drugs or something.

You know what the miracle was?

There ain't nothing wrong with my throat.

My throat's no different than anybody else's.

That's what the doc said.

Good old doc.

You know that lump you seen?

That's the uvula.

Everybody's got one.

Did you know you had a uvula, Andy?

Open your month. Come on, open it.

There. See it? There's the good old uvula.

You got a uvula.

They got a uvula. I got a uvula.

All God's children got a uvula.

Hallelujah.

It's just incredible

how a man can sing so flat and talk so normal.

Yup.

Kind of a shame

Barney can't just talk his part.

Yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Gee, I'm sorry I'm late.

Hope I didn't hold you up.

Why, no, Barn.

Matter of fact, we was just discussing

a new idea that involves you.

Oh, yeah? Something to do with the group?

You better know it has.

Uh, we're going to make you soloist.

Right, John? What?!

Soloist? Yeah.

Soloist? Me?

Yeah, and you're going to have

your own microphone and everything!

I am? Oh, yeah.

We have to keep you

way separate from the group.

You do?

Yeah. That's so

your recitations will stand out.

My, uh... recitations?

Yeah. There's going to be one in every number.

And you're going to do 'em.

You mean I don't get to sing?

I just talk?

Oh, it will be so effective.

Won't it?

Effective!

Right in the middle of all this singing

will come your dramatic voice...

speaking your part.

Won't that be effective?

Well, if you're all agreed

I guess the least I can do

is give her a try.

Oh, good, good.

You stand over here kind of by yourself

and we'll do 14A.

And when we get to the second verse,

you talk it, right?

Okay, good old 14A?

Let's start at "voices long hushed," okay?

All right, Andy.

Now, talk.

Hazel.

♪ Voices long hushed now their full notes prolong ♪

♪ Echoing far and near ♪

"Balmy and life-breathing breezes are blowing.

Swiftly to nature, new vigor bestowing."

♪ Oh, how my heart ♪

♪ Beats with rapture anew ♪

Hold it!

You're supposed to be talking.

Oh, it's no use, Andy.

Can you tell a bird to talk?

Can you tell a bird

to just go chirp, chirp, chirp?

No, Andy, I'm like a bird.

I was born to sing.

Barney, Barney, Barney.

If you'll excuse me,

I got some throat spray out in the car.

If I'm going to be doing solos,

I better give myself a couple of squirts.

You still want to go through with it?

Let him sing solo?

No, Andy, no. I just...

Wait a minute. Wait, wait a minute, John.

It'll work.

It come to me yesterday

when I saw Barney listening to a phonograph record.

Now, listen.

Barney'll do the solos, all right.

But it won't be with his voice.

You see, Barney, he'll be on stage

singing into a dead microphone.

The live microphone will be backstage

with Glen Cripe singing into it.

It's as simple as that.

But Glen Cripe is not a tenor.

It'll work. It'll work, John.

But how are you going to keep Barney quiet?

I mean, even though his microphone is dead

people can still hear him.

I already got that worked out.

Just leave it to me and don't worry.

This here is a solo microphone.

Very, very, sensitive.

This thing will amplify your voice a thousand times.

Really strong, huh?

Strong?

You blast away at this thing

and you'll bust every ear drum

in the auditorium.

What do I do?

You have to sing real low, real low.

Now try it.

Okay.

♪ Balmy and life... ♪

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Too loud. Low.

♪ Balmy and life... ♪

That's still too loud, Barney.

When I mean low, I mean real low.

It don't take much to be heard.

Try it again.

Try it again, okay.

♪ Balmy and life-breathing breezes are blowing ♪

Was that all right?

No, that's still too loud, Barney.

Still way yonder too loud.

Believe me, now,

tomorrow night, when this microphone's hot

and the amplifiers are amplifying

and the acoustics and all...

Why, I tell you what.

You just keep singing softer and softer

and when you got it about right,

I'll tell you.

Okay.

♪ Balmy and life bre... ♪

♪ Balmy and life... ♪

♪ Balmy and... ♪

♪ Balmy and... ♪

That's it!

That's it! That's it! You got it!

Now you do it just like that

and you'll come through fine.

Andy, I was barely making a sound.

You think you was barely making a sound,

but tomorrow night

when this microphone's on and you sing like that,

your glorious voice

will reverberate all through this hall.

Won't it, gang?

♪ Welcome, sweet springtime, we greet thee in song ♪

♪ Murmurs of gladness fall on the ear ♪

♪ Voices long hushed, now their full notes prolong ♪

♪ Echoing far and near ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Sunshine now wakes all the flowers from sleep ♪

♪ Joy-giving incense floats on the air ♪

♪ Snowdrops and primrose both timidly peep ♪

♪ Paling the glad new year ♪

♪ Balmy and life-breathing breezes are blowing ♪

♪ Swiftly to nature, new vigor bestowing ♪

♪ Oh, how my heart beats with rapture anew ♪

♪ Earth's fairest beauty again meets my view ♪

♪ Sunshine now wakes all the flowers from sleep ♪

♪ Joy-giving incense floats on the air ♪

♪ Snowdrops and primrose both timidly peep ♪

♪ Paling the glad new year ♪

♪ New year. ♪

You know, Andy...

I just can't get over that strange feeling

I had last night.

When I heard my own voice

coming over the loudspeaker back at me, I...

Well, it just didn't sound like me.

That's common.

It is?

Sure.

You ever hear yourself on the telephone?

You wouldn't hardly believe it's you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, it sure was a lucky day all around

when they asked me to join that choir.

Yeah.

I sure am going to enjoy singing with them

down through the years.

Oh, uh, about that, Barney.

Uh, I'm... I'm afraid that won't be possible.

Huh?

Well, you know that award they give you

for being the outstanding performer?

You mean the $10 merchandise certificate?

Yeah.

You know what that means, don't you?

That means you are a professional singer.

What?

That's right. That's right.

They give you remuneration for your talent

and that makes you a professional singer

and you're no longer eligible to sing with the amateur ranks.

Not sing with the choir?

Ever? Anymore?

Well, you wouldn't want the Mayberry choir

to be disqualified from state competition, would you?

Well, no, but... Well, then?

Gee, Andy, this comes as disappointing news...

in one way.

Of course, in another way, it could be a blessing in disguise.

I mean, if the deputy sheriff

business ever falters, I've got an ace in the hole.

You know, I can move right over into the show business.

You know, singing at weddings and funerals.

Absolutely, yeah.

Of course, in case that ever happens,

I better keep the old voice in shape.

♪ Nita ♪

♪ Juanita... ♪