Original subtitles

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

You sure this is all the mail that come in this morning?

Yeah. Why?

You expecting something?

Yes, I'm expecting something. I'm expecting an answer

to the application I put in for a raise.

You put in for a raise again?

Yeah. I better get it, too.

You know, Andy, I just don't have any money

at the end of the week.

Where goes with it?

I don't know.

Last Saturday night, I took Juanita

to Mt. Pilot for a Chinese dinner.

I didn't even have enough to leave for a tip.

Is that right?

It was embarrassing.

The waiter called me something in Chinese.

It didn't sound like "sport," neither.

Well, you're gonna have to stay out

of them high-priced restaurants, I guess.

It wasn't high-priced.

It was only $2.75.

Is that all?

Well, that's the family dinner for one.

Well, maybe you'll get your raise this time.

You better start getting

them application blanks ready

for Boys' Day.

Oh, we gonna do it the same way this year?

Yeah. I'll be the judge at the finish line,

and you'll be the official starter.

Boy, I can hardly wait.

"On your mark, get set...!"

Hey, fellas! Come on!

Let's go in and sign up!

Good idea!

Okay... there you are, Joey.

And good luck to you, now.

What's your name?

Fred Stevens.

I'm entering the contest, too, Barney.

Good.

Now, what are you entering, Fred?

The 50-yard dash and the high hurdles.

Ooh, boy, high hurdles.

Where's your pistol?

Oh, uh...

Well, there's a new rule around here.

We ain't allowed to wear pistols in the office.

Okay... there you are, Fred.

Good luck to you, now.

Thanks, Sheriff.

Don't lose that.

Well, young fella, what's your name?

Opie Taylor, Paw.

Opie Taylor... Opie Taylor... Oh, yeah...

I believe I know you, don't I?

What event you gonna sign up for, Ope?

The 50-yard dash. I'm gonna get me that medal.

Yeah? What makes you so sure you're gonna win?

I want one of them medals.

If I had one, I bet I'd never take it off.

Well, you got to win first.

There you are... all signed up.

Thanks.

I know just how you feel, son.

I remember the time I won mine.

You won a medal, Barney?

Yeah, I sure did when I was a young feller...

The 50-yard dash.

I wore that medal on my shirt during the day

and on my pajamas when I went to bed at night.

I'll bet I didn't have it off once during that whole year.

Where did you wear it when you had to take a bath?

Oh! Well, now, that was a problem.

But I figured it out.

How?

I didn't take a bath.

Well, that's another great reason for winnin' one.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I wanted that medal bad... Real bad.

And I worked for it. I sure did work for it.

Worked? What'd you do, Barney?

Well, I trained.

Exercised. Built my body up.

I used to be a great big feller before I fell off,

Remember, Andy?

Oh, yeah.

Barney used to weigh upwards towards 120-125 pounds.

And you trained to win yourself a medal?

That's right.

I trained... trained real hard... Till I was just one big muscle

from the tip of my toes to the top of my head.

Boy! Would you show me how to train, Barney?

Why, I sure would.

And I don't mind tellin' you

you've come to the right place, too.

You're gonna make me one big muscle, too?

Yeah.

Uh... 'cept, in your case, we'll try to stop at the neck.

That's very comical, Andy...

only comicalness don't win no medals.

I'll come by first thing in the morning,

and we'll start you on a program of training

that'll get you that medal for sure.

Oh, boy!

Thanks, Barney!

Now, how do you figure to make that boy a track star

in just a few days?

It's easy.

It's simple.

All the boy needs is a little trainin'.

I'll coach him to run the way I did... like a rabbit.

That's what they used to call me, you know...

"Barney the Rabbit." Is that right?

Yeah. "Barney the Rabbit" 'cause of how fast

I could cover all that ground.

I see.

Well, uh... "Peter Cottontail", let's see how fast

you can cover the ground with this broom.

Feel that calf there.

Solid, huh?

That's what'll happen to you, too

after rope-skippin'.

Now, watch this.

See that?

And it helps if you say one of them rhymes, you know?

That helps you to keep the rhythm.

Watch this.

My mother, your mother, lived across the way.

Every night they have a fight,

and this is what they say:

Ickabacka-soda cracker, ickabacka-foo!

Ickabacka-soda cracker, how goes you?

Hey, Barney!

You want to come over and play jacks with me later?

Quiet, smart aleck!

All right, Ope.

Forward!

Hey! Hey, Ope! Hold it!

What's the matter, Barney?

Uh... listen...

there's no use in overdoing it.

I don't want to work you too hard.

Well, I feel swell, Barney.

Come on. Let's keep going.

Ope! Oh, wait, Ope.

Yeah... all right.

Come on up here, Ope.

I'll show you something else.

Now, Ope, we're gonna concentrate on them leg muscles.

I'm gonna show you a little exercise I used to do

with my daddy when I was training for my medals.

Now, first you get down like this...

There we go.

What's the matter, Barney?

Too many green apples?

Oh, I'm just showing him a leg exercise

for heaven's sakes.

You can help.

I can?

Yeah. Sit on my feet, there.

Sit down on your feet? Oh, okay.

This'll give you muscles like steel springs.

Now, I just push up. See?

Okay, Andy. Ready?

Andy, get up.

Huh?

Get up. You're breakin' my legs.

Get up! Get up!

I guess I'm just too heavy for you, Barney.

Maybe we can show the boy better

if I do it to you, huh?

Yeah. That's a good idea.

Okay. I'll get down.

Watch this, Ope.

This really builds your leg muscles.

Okay.

Okay, Andy, go ahead. Push.

Push?

I said, "push," not "shoot."

Maybe I ought to be the fella that gets pushed

instead of the fella that pushes.

Why?

It seems to me he's the one that gets the most exercise.

Not if it's done right.

You sure are workin' hard for that race, ain't you?

He sure is.

What's more, he's gonna win, too.

Not just that race, but any race!

He's gonna streak down that track

like greased lightnin'.

Really. Barney? Like greased lightnin'?

Yes, sir.

On your mark, get set...

And, once again,

the winner of the last event... The ten-mile run...

Opie Taylor!

If you let me win one,

I promise I'll take it off to take a bath...

once in a while.

Barney!

Get them all together over here!

Now, boys, we'll have all the events,

then we'll make the official presentation

of the medals to the winners.

I know every one of you wants to win hisself a medal,

but you can't all be winners.

There's got to be a few losers, too, you know.

I just want to prepare you

so's you won't be too disappointed.

Remember, only one boy can come in first,

so good luck to all of you,

and just do the very best you can.

Deputy Fife, here, he'll be the official starter.

Now, boys, as Sheriff Taylor has said,

I will be the official starter,

and this is the official starting gun.

Now, you may not run until the gun is fired.

Now, when I pull the trigger,

the gun will fire, and then you may run,

but wait until the gun is fired.

I will pull the trigger,

and you will then hear a shot.

That means... Barney, Barney,

let's... let's not...

Now, boys, for each event, I will say,

"On your mark, get set..."

Barney, don't do that.

Keep your finger off the trigger.

Now, boys, the first event will be the 50-yard dash.

All those entered in that, line up over here.

And good luck... Come on, let's go!

Ready, Barn?

Yes!

Okay?

Okay, go ahead.

All right, easy, boys. Easy, now.

You all set? Good luck.

- On your mark... - get set...

Quiet down, boys.

All right, quiet down, quiet down. Quiet.

Okay. First place, Billy Johnson.

Second place, Aaron Harrison.

Third place, Freddy Brooks.

Okay, boys, let's go get the next event.

I thought all the boys did a good job.

I really did.

Hi, Ope.

You, uh...

you didn't stay for the rest of the races.

Well...

How about a little lunch, everybody?

Uh... yeah, I could eat a little something.

I'm getting hungry.

Opie, how about you?

Would you like some nice...?

No.

No lunch? It's almost 1:00.

I ain't hungry.

Well, I'll get us some, then.

I want to talk to you.

I don't think it was very nice of you

to walk off the way you did.

I didn't win.

I didn't win.

I know you didn't win,

but the important thing is

you was in there trying.

Now, that's what's important.

They don't give you no medal for trying.

I know that.

I know they don't.

And it's nice to win something...

It's real nice to win something...

But it's more important

to know how not to win something.

I know how to do that real good.

No, you don't.

You mean there's more things I could of not won?

I mean, you could have been a nice loser.

They call it sportsmanship.

Now, you... you lost this time.

You try again next time.

You got to learn how to take disappointment.

There could be more of them

coming up, you know.

You come up smiling, you're a good loser.

The other way is being a bad loser.

Now, what do you want to be?

A good winner.

Opie, we're not talking about winners.

Winning ain't no problem.

It don't take courage to be a winner.

It does take courage to be a good loser.

Now, you want to be a good loser?

You'll be proud of your friends that did win,

and you'll congratulate them for it.

I won't.

You won't?

They ain't my friends.

They beat me, and they got my medal.

Is that the way you feel about it?

Is that the way you feel about it?

Answer me.

Yes.

All right, fine.

Fine.

If that's the way you want to be,

as long as we understand one another.

But I want you to know one thing.

I'm disappointed in you.

Andy?

Hmm?

I'm sure sorry Opie's taking it so bad.

Oh, he'll get over it.

He'll brood about it for a while,

and then he'll be all right.

Well...

Hey.

I got an idea.

What?

What if we was to show Opie

how bad it looks for somebody to set around

and feel sorry for himself and be a sore loser?

Yeah.

You know that application I put in for a raise?

Yeah. What if I was to pretend that I got the answer,

and they turned me down,

and I was real sore about it?

That would show him, wouldn't it?

Well...

Good. When Opie comes by the courthouse,

I'll come in and act like I got the answer,

and they turned me down.

I'll just fling a fit and carry on.

That's a good idea.

Glad I thought of that.

Paw...

I don't want you to be disappointed in me.

Well, you thought about

what we was talking about, did you?

Yes.

Understand it?

I understand some of it, I guess,

but I don't understand

why you're supposed to be happy about losing.

You don't have to be happy about it.

None of us are.

I've lost a whole lot of times,

and I've been just as unhappy about it

as I could be.

You see, as you grow older,

you're going to be doing an awful lot

of different kinds of things,

and sometimes you'll win at them,

sometimes you'll lose at them.

Now, when you win,

that ain't going to be any problem to you, is it?

No. See, we all know how to win.

We grin a lot, don't we?

Grin and grin and grin.

But when you lose, see, that's the hard part.

That's when you have to take yourself in hand,

show it ain't getting you down

and that you're a good sport about it,

and that you're going to try again.

And when you do that, you'll be on the road

to becoming a mature human being.

Understand that?

Uh-huh.

I got to try to win that race again next year.

But I don't understand

the part about being a mature human being.

Well, don't you worry about that.

When you are one, you'll know it.

And I sure am proud of you.

Thanks, Paw.

Andy! Andy!

Hi, Barney.

Don't talk to me now, boy! I'm mad!

Boy, am I sore.

I really am sore.

Of all the dirty tricks!

They turned me down.

I wanted that raise bad, and they turned me down.

Whoo!

What's the matter with Barney, Paw?

I'll tell you what's the matter with him.

He's behaving like a sore loser.

Ain't he a sight?

He sure is.

Yes, sir, if I walked right out and never come back,

that'd show them how sore I am.

I'm so sore, I could bust!

Where you going?

I'm leaving.

You're a sight.

Guess he got the message, huh?

Yeah, I guess he did.

I did that pretty good, didn't I?

Yeah.

Yeah, you got a boy with a problem,

you just give him an example.

Bring it down to his level, you know.

He'll usually come around.

That's been my approach to it.

Tell me something, now, Barney.

If you was to really

get turned down on that raise,

you wouldn't act that way, would you?

Are you kidding?

You're talking to a mature human being.

Oh, good, good, good.

I'm glad to hear that.

What's that?

That's a letter addressed

to Barney "Mature Human Being" Fife.

About your raise?

They turned you down.

They what?

They turned me down?!

Why, of all the low-down, miserable...

I'll go down there in person!

I'll get a lawyer!

I'll punch them all right in the nose!

I was counting on that raise!

That's the third time I've asked for it!

Doggone it, Andy, they got a nerve turning me down!

Where are you going?

I'm leaving.

For a mature human being, you're a sight.

Sarah?

Get me 242, will you?

Juanita?

Hi. It's Barn.

It's Saturday night.

Uh... say, listen.

Instead of us going out to dinner tonight,

let me tell you what I was thinking.

I was thinking, why don't I come over to your house, see,

just for a change,

and we'd take a couple of them frozen TV dinners

out of your freezer, and then we'd just set around, you know?

You want to go out, huh?

Yeah, but Juanita, we had Chinese food last...

Well, sure, I know.

I like Chinese food.

I really do.

No, I... I really do.

No.

Let me get back to you, okay?

Hi, Ope.

Ope, do you, uh... do you like Chinese food?

Sure do.

Yeah? Me, too.

You like Egg Foo Young?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Good old Egg Foo Young.

I even like to say it, you know?

Egg Foo Young.

That your bank?

Yeah.

Let... let me see it, will you?

Ooh! It's heavy.

You know what I was thinking, Ope?

I was thinking about going over

to Mt. Pilot to have one of them Chinese dinners, you know?

And I was going to take somebody with me.

Yeah?

Hi, gang. What's up?

Paw, Barney just invited me to go to Mt. Pilot

and have a Chinese dinner with him.

He did?

No. The fact is, I was going to take Juanita.

Oh, and you asked Opie to come along.

Well, ain't that nice?

You want to come too, Paw?

Well, as long as he's taking you,

I don't reckon he'll mind me coming along.

How about Aunt Bee?

I'll call her.

She loves Chinese food.

Sarah, get me my house.

Ain't you the one?

Here you had me thinking you was flat busted.

He's a sport, ain't he?

Aunt Bee?

Guess what.

Barney's invited all of us to go over to Mt. Pilot

and eat some Chinese food.

What? Well, bring them, too.

That's all right.

We'll take two cars.

Oh, he's a real sport, that Barney.