Original subtitles

I was using a lot of drugs and my life was a mess.

I thought that leaving the country, cutting all ties would make things

different.

Have a nice trip.

would make things better for me.

Experimenting is good.

At least once in your life you have to say, well, I tried that, right?

I mean, what can go wrong?

Like therapy, what can go wrong?

I never in my life thought that I would turn into a

professional drug trafficker.

In 2013,

I was working as a receptionist in a dead -end hotel.

Renting out rooms to mostly prostitutes or escorts,

as they call themselves.

That was kind of weird for me.

Because, I don't know.

I'm shy, man.

Traveling was always my dream.

I wanted to see the world, see a different country, experience a

culture.

But all I could afford was staying in one of the hotel rooms.

The walls were very thin and I would hear all the sounds of the

people in the next room.

I hated it, but...

I didn't want to go back home because the relationship with my family at

that point was a complete mess.

When I was young, I discovered that my parents

had hidden from me that I was adopted.

when I found out I felt rejected and I didn't

really believe that my parents loved me.

I started taking cocaine as a method of self -medicating the pain that I was

feeling.

You actually start forgetting about everything that is wrong in your life

For that moment in time everything seemed to be great.

But then the drugs were off and I was being transported from the

highest height to the lowest low.

I would lay on the bed crying at night just hoping for a miracle to happen for

me.

Late one night, I was telling my friend, if I could only get one chance to

leave South Africa, my whole life would change.

And as I turned the phone off,

this guy turned to me and said, sorry, but

I might have a solution for you.

How would you like to go to Wilson?

Well, I love Brazil.

He told me that his name was Mike and the trip would be all expenses paid.

I promise you.

I don't trust a lot of people.

But he had this warmth about him.

That he really wanted to help.

Let's bring back the package.

And in return, you'll receive a payment.

Payment.

Yup.

20 ,000 rand.

In my head, it was like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Money.

It's almost $2 ,000.

What did I be bringing there?

Two kilos of cocaine.

He saw the fear that I had and he said, no, but nothing will happen to you.

But that moment, either your life is going to change.

It's your call.

I'll find someone else if you're not interested.

Or you're going to stay in the same situation.

Maybe this was the miracle that I was waiting for.

Okay, I'm going to do it.

I will do this trip, get the money, and start a different life.

And I'm going to see Brazil.

In a taxi.

I leaned out the window and just absorbed everything.

It was just a dream came true.

For the first couple of days, I went crazy.

I didn't really think about what I was doing then.

I was too busy.

Partying, dancing, and expressing myself with new sound concepts.

I was gay and growing up in South Africa was really hard because

being gay wasn't openly accepted.

You had to live a lie.

You still had to go out dating men.

And just the fact that I could be open made it a lot easier for

me. Actually to be myself Just having fun fun that I

didn't have for such a long time it made me happy

My

trip was over

and I had to leave Brazil

I was waiting for the contact to actually come to the hotel to give me

drug that I would be travelling with.

My parents called to see how I was doing.

I had my mom's voice in my head the whole time saying, you know that you

shouldn't be doing this.

If you're going to do the wrong things, you're going to end up in prison.

Then I heard a knock on the door.

What's the door?

There was a man with a black shopping bag filled with cocaine.

No,

it's going on your body.

I'm in a foreign country, which I don't speak the language.

He has my ticket.

The only choice that I basically had was...

to let him put it on my body.

I feel the coke tight against my ribcage.

And he said to me, it's too late now, we're already late, you have to just go

like this.

And he started pushing me out the door.

As I was entering, a cold sweat hit me.

I desperately wanted to scratch my chest because it was itching like crazy.

But I couldn't risk it for the fear of being noticed.

I felt like I was trapped inside of a nightmare.

And then I pulled the pulley.

They look at you and it's like, do they know?

I tried to look as calm as I possibly can.

There wasn't any problem.

But now I've got to get through security with two kilos of cocaine strapped

around my body.

I emptied my pocket and was thinking, did I forget about something that I have

that's metallic?

All of a sudden the alarm went off and the person in front of me... No,

they can't do this to me, they can't do this to me.

God waved me closer to Him.

I've never felt so nervous in my life.

This is it.

I'm going to get caught.

Then I remember the piercing in my navel

God,

please just help me get through this

I've

actually made it through

I can't believe I got away with that.

When I arrived back in Durban, I met up with Mike.

He was very sincere when he actually apologized.

When it fell to the floor, I can breathe again.

Deserve it.

That money pays for all that stress and everything that you had to go through.

It's worth it.

It's the wrong thing, but it's worth it.

So yeah, it's time for a career change, I guess.

Over the next 18 months, I flew all over the world.

Turkey, Ethiopia, Mozambique.

I was earning hundreds of thousands of rands.

I felt like superwoman with superpowers.

The life was way too good and the spending was way too much.

New shoes.

New clothes.

New everything.

Ask for a fee.

Use drugs.

Everything that I wanted.

It's like... You're on top of the world.

I started having more of a relationship with Mike.

Standing by each other and helping one another.

So, yeah, it was kind of a family.

And that actually was something that I was craving

for at that point in my life.

One day I was returning back to South Africa after successfully smuggling

into Europe.

I didn't have any drugs in my suitcase.

Excuse me.

Do you mind coming with me, please?

But I was taken to the police station at the airport.

Some guys started searching my suitcase and

started asking a lot of questions.

What were you doing in Brazil?

And I replied, why am I being searched? Why am

I... being held here for four hours with no reason.

I saw my photo and my passport number and it just said

I'm a suspected drug trafficker.

Right then I made the decision to stop.

I'll never smoke drugs again.

The party was over.

I visited Mike and told him what happened.

I really expected him to understand my situation.

Let me stop when I tell you.

All that trust, all that respect that I had for him, just with those couple of

words were all gone.

No, I don't want to do it anymore. You do what I tell you to do!

The real Mike emerged.

And that made me scared.

Are you going to listen to me carefully?

I thought, Mike.

I know where your family lives. I know where you live.

And if you are not going to travel, then I will take out your family.

Even though we weren't having a good relationship, they saw my family.

And I couldn't have it on my head if somebody go and hurt them for something

that I'm doing wrong.

I'll do it, but it's going to be my last one.

I had to make a pact with the devil.

I started thinking about the threat against my family.

It's my fault that their life is in danger.

I phoned home to make sure that they were okay.

When I heard my

mom's voice, I started crying.

I'm not listening. I just needed to take some time.

I was feeling a lot of guilt because I brought my family into this whole mess

with me.

And even if I had to go to prison because of

the suspected drug trafficking charges, that would have been better than to let

anything happen to my family.

Other people don't have to pay for my mistakes.

I'm just going to have to go through with this.

Even if it meant that I could get caught.

I was told that I had to meet this woman.

They were two bags stuffed with cocaine.

It was way more than what I normally would be trafficking.

It's going to be overweight.

No, it won't be overweight.

It's fine.

I was just thinking this is all different, all wrong.

Bag that were overweight.

Customers have to open their suitcases and take some of the things out.

If I have to open my suitcase, then they're going to see two backpacks and

I was going to be searched.

At the airport, I thought to myself, you can do this, you have done this so many

times before.

On the inside, I was a complete mess.

I was watching the numbers, scared that it's going to be overweight.

When I saw it was only 23 kilos.

That was a big relief.

But he kept my back there on the weighing belt.

And what were you doing in Brazil?

I spoiled myself to a vacation for my birthday.

I didn't know what he was saying because I didn't understand his language.

My heart was beating out of my chest.

The only thing that I could think about was my whole life was coming to an end

if I was caught with this cocaine in my back.

Suddenly I saw the police.

My heart just bounced to the ground.

I just felt numb, numb.

My luck has run out.

I was taken to the police station where they started to take

everything out of the suitcase.

They started throwing all the cocaine into a container.

It was like a huge mountain of

White powder.

Four kilograms of cocaine.

I couldn't believe that it's so much.

The minute that they put the cubs on, I knew that now my

freedom is over.

En route to the prison, I was a nervous wreck.

The idea of going to prison is one thing.

But the idea of going to prison in Brazil, where I was the only

foreigner there, that made me even more vulnerable.

Talking towards the cell frightened me.

That's even a more scary feeling than when you're trafficking itself.

When I entered into the cell, the prisoners take whatever they

want.

It wasn't for me just to say, hey, you can't do that.

Because there were murderers inside, there were gang leaders inside.

I was already starting to prepare myself for the work.

My first night in prison, I heard a fight that was breaking

out in one of the cells.

And there was a lot of screaming, shouting, beating.

And then just one bang.

It was like somebody throwing something against the wall.

And after that, everything really got quiet.

The next morning, the police found

the body of one of the prisoners in the cell.

And when they were taking the body down the stairs, you could

hear the head banging on the stairs every step.

That sound stayed.

with me for a very long time.

For a very, very long time.

I would just pray to get out of that prison.

Even though it was my fault that I was there.

After a couple of weeks, I was given a letter.

I was sentenced to five years and ten months.

And my whole world just came tumbling down.

Prison was hell on earth.

There was no respect from anyone.

There was no boundaries.

The prisoners could do anything to you.

Just the smallest thing that you say wrong to them or you do something to

they could turn around and they can actually kill you.

Inside of the cell, drug use was a daily

routine.

I was given a condom filled with drugs.

I couldn't say no

because I didn't know what you were capable of doing.

I had to come up with an idea how to hide drugs.

I discovered tweezers, metal tweezers, and started chipping away at the

wall.

I took the cocaine and squeezed it tightly into the hole.

But I was worried that the guards could enter at any moment and find the

cocaine.

My sentence could get doubled.

if I get caught with that amount of drugs.

A few days after hiding the drugs,

suddenly

God burst into my cell.

to see if they can find drugs hidden in any part of the room.

They take off the blanket.

They feel if there's anything hidden in the pillows.

They check every little thing.

I can feel sweat forming on my forehead.

And then she moved closer and closer to the picture, hiding the cocaine.

My hands were shaking, my body was shaking.

My heart beat like crazy.

The guard... is about to pull off the picture.

When another guard shouted, everybody out, everybody out, let's go to the next

tower.

It was a huge relief.

As the months passed, I was falling deeper and deeper into self -loathing

despair.

I didn't think I was worth anything, and I didn't deserve anything.

The only thing that I thought that I deserved was the sentence that I was

given.

I felt rock bottom.

But then I was given a letter that had arrived for me at the prison.

It was from my mother and my father.

The letter said that it doesn't help to

to judge you for what you have done because you are suffering enough

at the moment.

That was the only words that I wanted to see and that meant a lot.

Knowing that the people that I've hurt most in my life

actually could find it in their hearts to forgive me

made me feel like I was actually still worth something.

Eventually, the woman that I was hiding drugs for left the prison.

I used that opportunity to stop hiding the drug.

One of the gods brought a new woman to the town.

It's nice to meet you.

My name is Naya.

I never believed in love and suicide, but...

I fell in love the first time that I saw her.

We started becoming friends immediately.

Naya introduced me to the joys of reading and I was happy just to be next

to Naya doing things that we both enjoyed.

She introduced me to the school in the prison as well.

She had a good influence on me.

But it was never said between either of us that there were any feelings.

But for me, friendship wasn't enough.

One night I was lying in bed and all of a sudden I feel her hand

on my hand.

It was like an electric shock that went through my body.

It was better than any drug that I have ever used.

Being locked up in a prison cell, I never saw

in my entire life that I would actually find love.

Prison used to be a nightmare.

But just for the sake of one person, that changed everything. Everything

into...

I see now that I was looking for self -acceptance in smuggling drugs.

But all the drug deals and the money doesn't make you happy.

It doesn't complete you.

I just needed to be loved.

After two years and four months in prison, I was called to the guard's

I was told, don't pack your bags, you've got your freedom.

Aren't you happy that you're going?

My heart was broken in 10 million little pieces because I had to leave

the love of my life in prison.

Naya wanted me to stay as well.

But she also wanted me to be free.

Gave her a kiss on the cheek.

And she's like, just go.

It was only my body living.

My heart, my soul, my everything was still right back in that cell

with Naya.

Everything was with her.

On the 10th of April 2021 we got married.

It was the happiest day of my life.

Today I'm doing my dream job.

Working as a firefighter.

Now you have three kids and also living with us.

And being a mom for them.

taught me the values of family.

They don't care that I'm not their biological mom.

And that made me realize that everything that my parents used

to try to do for me was because they love me.

great drug trafficking, but if I didn't go to prison I would not have met Naya

and I wouldn't have had my family.

Everything worked out for the best.

I'm the happiest woman in the whole world.