Original subtitles

I've not really spoke about it because it's just something you've put behind

door in your head.

But I need to come to peace with what I've done and who I am.

I grew up with my grandma telling me all about my granddad. He died in the

Second World War.

I wanted to live up to what she thought were a great man.

So I joined the army at 16.

I served in Bosnia, Northern Ireland,

the Falklands, all over the

world.

I felt proud about fighting for my country.

Never ever did I think I'd become an international drug smuggler.

When I was 28 years old, I was blown up by an IED, fighting in Bosnia.

The army told me that they were going to medically discharge me, and I felt

really rejected.

Yeah.

My whole ambition in life was snuffed out.

All I ever wanted to be was a soldier.

When I came home, I was volatile, very angry, drinking a lot.

And drinking didn't help.

Drinking made my temper worse.

Someone would bump into me.

My answer for that would strike out.

What's your problem, mate?

But deep inside, that wasn't the real me.

And I hated myself for it.

The doctor said that I had developed a personality disorder.

No, I know it wasn't. It was PTSD.

But back then, PTSD weren't a thing. It hadn't been diagnosed to anybody.

I started to experience flashbacks.

Bad dreams.

It's just a feeling that something's crushing you.

Crazy when you talk and images flash back into your head and you just lose

Proper mental, that.

Pharmaceutical medicines that they give me for depression and for aggression and

antipsychotics definitely didn't help.

They made me drowsy, kind of numbed you.

I just needed to get away.

I was reading the old stories about the hippie trail in India.

The images that they showed in Goa looked like a paradise.

Somewhere where I could lose myself and escape my demons.

So that's when I decided I was going to India.

The busyness, the hecticness, and the sheer chaos of it all blew my mind.

I got assaulted by rickshaw drivers like you wouldn't believe.

Come with me, come in this, this.

I'm thinking, wow, is this really what I want to be doing?

And then all of a sudden, it just becomes like a tropical paradise.

Palm trees, the beach.

Beautiful.

The first thing I did was make my way to the bar.

The waiter took me through the back.

And at the other side of this curtain were just lots of hippies getting

Line up a sit -in.

Be my dad.

I'm Mickey.

Welcome to Gabba.

The best hash in the world.

I smoked cannabis before, but this was different on every level.

It didn't make me lazy unless I can sit around and just go, hey, man, you know,

like a stoner.

Made me want to do things. It made me active.

It gave me energy.

I started partying every night.

Full moon parties, raves.

I felt comfortable.

I was calm.

My temper subsided.

It helped my PTSD.

Changed everything, really.

Changed everything.

For the first time since I left the army, I actually felt content.

So, I had to come up with a plan of how I could stay there and sufficiently

live.

After a week, Mickey said to me, Well, I've got loads of ash.

You can turn it into the story.

Every 10 grams, I'll give you 500.

And I thought, hmm, that's very tempting.

So I said, OK, I'll do it.

I started getting small quantities, blatantly smoking openly,

and within a few minutes, tourists would approach me, and I started

supplying hash, which I didn't see as a crime.

That's what they go to go for.

But then the monsoon came.

The tourist season ended.

No people. No people to sell hash to.

So I went to visit Mickey.

There he was then.

He said to me, do you want to make some money?

You need to take some hash to Berlin.

And I went, really?

And he said, it's in a false bottom suitcase.

An eight kilo slab of hash at the bottom.

When it goes through the x -ray, all they see is a solid bank.

Berlin, pay 48 grand cash.

I knew smuggling drugs internationally came with huge risks.

But I didn't know where the money were coming from.

And I didn't want to go home.

Yeah.

I'll do it.

You think too long, you change your mind.

I'll do it.

a wheat lead.

I was given a suitcase.

I wanted to check the hash.

So I undo six screws.

And I saw purple carbon paper designed to detract the x -ray.

Underneath the carbon paper

was eight kilos of hashish.

Wow.

As I packed, I discovered a stick of hash.

When I smoked cannabis, it made me calm, more relaxed.

So I smoked it.

Every bit.

and got the taxi to the airport.

I think if I wasn't stoned, they'd probably look really nervous and really

anxious.

But the weed played it down.

Everything went smooth.

But then they asked me to put my bag through the x -ray machine.

My palms started to get sweaty.

What if the lining in the suitcase didn't work?

Why was I risking ten years in prison when I could have been on the beach

smoking a big fat split?

And then all of a sudden the machine stopped.

I thought, I've been busted here.

I'd never felt so scared.

But then the roller started up again and the bag came out the other side.

The carbon paper had worked.

It was a big relief.

A huge relief.

When I arrived in Berlin, I went to visit Mickey's contact.

And I gave them the eight kilos of hashish.

I was given $48 ,000 in cash.

That's a lot of money.

I've not seen that much money before.

And that's for me.

I was hooked.

Over the next four years, I smuggled hash to Berlin,

Switzerland, Holland,

And Italy.

Easy.

I was making tens of thousands of dollars.

I thought life really couldn't get any better.

One night, there's a bit of a trance party going on.

And we're just sat smoking a joint.

And I saw this beautiful woman sat next to me.

And we just kept noticing each other.

She said, well, I can travel six months and then I have to go home for six

months to work.

Nice to meet a fellow traveller.

Nice to meet you too.

I'm Brett.

I'm Michelle.

We have the same interests.

Both like the same kind of music.

Want to go dance?

Sure. Just don't judge me on my dance moves.

I thought, she's got something in her, this girl.

And we started travelling together.

We went to places off the beaten track.

Where no tourists went.

And she was with me 24 -7.

Every day, my feelings just got stronger.

I was in love with her, yeah.

Life was really good.

But... After a few months, Shell said to me... I never see you go to the bank.

Oh, really?

Well, you always have money.

And then she said to me straight... Do you sell drugs?

I felt that I could trust her.

100%.

Smuggle Ash from Goy to Europe.

How?

I was honest with her.

I got her in a suitcase with a hidden compartment.

Really?

Told her where I went, where I got it from, everything.

I couldn't not be honest with her.

As long as we know what you're doing.

Just don't get caught, OK?

When someone can get that trust out of you and you can give that trust to them

without any doubt, it's a strong thing.

So, three months later, I said, do you want to get married?

More than anything.

That was us.

Engaged.

I'd worked out that I needed to do one more trip.

And I had enough money to get married and start a new life.

I've got a trip lined up to Berlin.

Can I come with you?

Even though Shell wasn't smuggling drugs, I knew the trouble she would be

I got busted.

I said it's not necessary, but she insisted.

Come on, be engaged.

OK, we'll go together.

Great.

There'll be an early honeymoon.

I wish I'd never agreed to her travelling with me.

On April the 1st, 2003, we arrived at the Delhi airport with Ashish

in my luggage.

I thought, I've done this many times before.

I felt untouchable.

Passport.

Passport, tickets, no problem.

Then we had to go through an x -ray.

Everything went through no problem.

I was excited.

All we had to do was get on the plane.

But then I looked up and I seen three guys

walking towards us.

I tried not to panic.

Excuse me, sir.

Would you mind coming with me?

Okay, sure.

They all flip out.

Just do what they want to do.

Put your suitcases on the table.

Open your suitcases.

I just thought, they don't know what's in there. They're just taking a chance

this. They just want to do some random checks.

It's just clothes. What's your problem?

And then he picked the suitcase up.

It's just heavy.

He said, it's just well made.

But then I saw him doing the knife.

My mouth went dry.

I just felt numb.

Numb.

It's as hot as... My whole world came tumbling down.

They dragged Shel away.

Then... He said, you're signed.

But it's blank.

The paper is blank.

You sign.

We'll fill in later.

No, I'm not doing that.

You're signed.

They could write anything they want.

By the end of it, I could get charged with terrorism, trafficking heroin, God

knows what.

So I wouldn't sign.

Then this guy came in with a bowl full of water.

And then they handcuffed me.

They pulled my head back.

Put the towel over your face and nose.

And then pour water on it.

You take a breath in.

It's like you're drowning.

I didn't realise people could be so cruel.

Against someone who can't defend themselves.

Contact! Contact!

I was kind of screaming at them.

You can't do this.

I'm not signing this blank paper.

Then they brought in a large battery.

I said, what's that for?

And he called me, you'll see.

Attached one clip to my flesh on the inside of my leg.

And then started touching my body with the other.

No.

I were pushed to the breaking point.

In your training in the army, you get captured.

It's name, rank, number.

That's all you're getting out of me.

Will you sign now?

Not a chance.

Then they brought Shell in the room.

And he said, we're going to rape her in front of you.

Unless you sign.

The threat of them being violent against her, I couldn't comprehend that and I

wasn't going to let that happen.

So then I give in.

I signed blank pieces of paper.

I was charged with trafficking hashish, heroin, anything they could throw at me.

Really.

What can you do when you sign blank pieces of paper?

I didn't know what had happened to Shell.

I just prayed she'd been released.

I'm a retired soldier and now here I was going to prison.

I was led past murderers, armed robbers

and rapists.

There's no electricity.

There was no running water.

And they don't allow toothbrushes because toothbrushes can be made into

A few days earlier, I'd been lying on the beach in paradise.

And now here I was in the depths of hell.

On the first night, I heard a scuffle going on.

And I saw four guys tied with homemade rope around a guy's neck.

And they hoisted him up on the rafter.

And one of them opened his stomach up with a blade.

And they killed him.

It made me realise that inside that jail, life...

didn't mean much.

A minor disagreement, a refusal if someone asks you for something.

That's an excuse to cut you.

What I really cared about more than my own life was Shell and how she was

doing.

So I contacted the Indian Eye Commission and

after a week, I was given a letter.

Shell was in the ladies' jail.

She was awaiting trial for the same charges I had received.

I was wracked with guilt that she was there.

It was down to me.

It was my choice to smuggle drugs, not hers.

I was really, really desperate to see her.

But the only people who could visit the ladies' jail were married men.

So I bribed the guard to falsely fill in the papers that we was married.

We wanted to get married in paradise on a beach, but we ended up fakely getting

married in an Indian jail.

Shell looked like she had a nervous breakdown.

She was just staring out into space like a zombie.

The woman guard said, She's not eating.

I told her she needs to eat.

Even if it's horrible.

You need to eat.

You've got to stay strong.

She didn't make eye contact with me.

She just shut down.

I was scared.

She would die before she faced trial.

She just didn't want to eat, so I had to do everything I could to get her out.

And my only option was to plead guilty to the take charges.

In the hope that she'd get off.

So I did.

I did a handwritten statement.

I said that I was trafficking heroin.

Hashish. It were all me.

I committed the offence solely.

Handed it to the judge.

A week later.

I went to visit Shel.

She wasn't there.

She'd been released.

Pleading guilty.

At work, I was released.

For her.

A few days later, I

was sentenced to 18 years in prison.

I felt like a death penalty.

I started getting bad dreams.

waking up where you feel like you can't breathe.

That affected my mental health massively.

And I started going through major depression.

Darkness. Loneliness.

Hopelessness.

There's nothing here that I can find a positivity in.

Even my body was falling apart.

And you just think...

I can't do 18 years of this.

So I broke into their medical wing of the jail.

I decided to end it all.

I thought, this is it.

This is the day I die.

I woke up and the room's spinning.

My mouth was like cotton wool and...

I was disappointed that it hadn't worked.

Why did you do this?

I can't survive 18 years here.

I told him that I don't think I can do it.

But he told me, you can't keep running away from your problems.

You need to face them.

And I asked him, how?

And he said, I need to make up for the sins that had led me to prison.

So I worked as his assistant, helping him.

I used skills that I'd used in the army and I stitched people up.

Helping people who'd had violence inflicted on them while in the prison.

It wasn't long before prisoners said, go to the hospital to see Brett.

He'll stitch you up.

I got a lot of respect off the prisoners.

And it definitely stopped me.

feeling depressed, because to help somebody else

is something that is good for you, but it's also good for them.

And it just creates a harmony, you know.

It gives me a sense of some worth, to be honest.

I'd been in Indian prison three years and six months.

And on the 18th of December, which is my birthday,

I had a happy

birthday.

Off shell.

She was with another partner.

But... That was enough for me.

I knew she was all right.

And she didn't hold any grudge and she was getting on with her life.

And then one morning, three guards came to my cell and

said, get your things, you're going.

And I thought, no, you're joking. This is not happening.

You're being transferred to UK.

As I was leaving prison, I told myself I would take this opportunity to help

other people and do some good.

Then on February 24th, 2022, Russia invaded

Ukraine.

It reduced me to tears watching it Just

innocent people

losing their lives on a daily basis Women and

children they're not soldiers So

I thought

What way can I help?

So I purchased a minibus.

And I started to go out to the front line to try and save

as many civilians as I can.

I have rescued in excess of 3 ,000 people.

I've been shot at and people ask, why are you doing this? It's not your war.

And the only answer I can give is because I can.

The skills that I used in the army and how to keep calm under pressure, I used

that to smuggle drugs.

Now this is my chance to use them skills for good reasons.

to save lives.

I've made my mistakes, I've done my rights, I've done my wrongs, but to go

a conflict zone to help people

makes me feel

proud of myself.