Original subtitles

BRASS BAND PLAYS "Summer Holiday"

THUNDER ROLLS

# - We're goin' where the sun shines brightly

- # - We're goin' where the sea is blue

- # - We've seen it in the movies

- # - Now let's see if it's true

- # - Everybody has a summer holiday

- # - Doin' things they always wanted to

- # - So we're goin' on a summer holiday

- # - To make our dreams come true

- # - For me and you

- # - Mm-mm, mm-mm

- # - Mm-mm, mm-mm. - #

- I always say there's nothing like a beautiful English summer's day.

This is nothing like one!

- In 7 days we'll be on our holiday.

- In 7 days, we'll be on our holiday. - Well put!

- Where are we going to? - I've got it all worked out.

Assuming we can hitch-hike free to the Riviera,

we'll be able to stay there for three whole luxurious hours!

- Very funny. Ha-ha (!)

But what are we gonna do? - I think Don's got something up his sleeve.

- Yeah? - His arm!

- I've got it! - Got what?

- This bus. - # - London Transport said OK. - #

OK? - OK to what?

- # - OK to use this bus for transport on our holiday. They're with it. - #

- With what?

- # - With the plan I outlined today. - # - What plan? - What plan?

# - If we can do it once, they'll back us all the way. - #

- What are you talking about? - Listen, you nuts.

I've persuaded London Transport to lend us this old bus.

We fix it up like a mobile hotel and go to the South of France.

Next year we take paying passengers.

- Great! - Isn't that marvellous? - Yeah! - One thing. We do the fixing.

- That's all we gotta do (?) - That's all (!)

- We've got time. - Seven days?

- We'll get some of the fellas to help us. Come on!

Come on, everybody, we need your help.

Bill, bring your mates.

Bill! Jonathan, come here.

Bud, I've got news for you.

I've got some great, great news.

Fellas, fellas...

how would you like the unique opportunity of doing seven days'

overtime with no pay? - No!

- They sound very keen (!) - We're in a bit of a jam. We've just...

- # - Seven days to our holiday And there's such a lot to do

- # - Come on, fellas, it's up to you

- # - We're in an awful stew Get us out of the spot

- # - Are you with us, or not? - # ALL SHOUT "Yes"

# - Six days to our holiday And the bus should look like new

- # - Shiny bright as a birthday gift

- # - Give it a real face-lift And its body the sheen

- # - Of a top beauty queen

- # - Five more days Just five more days

- # - To fix up dozens of things

- # - Let's spring-clean it From front to rear

- # Yes, I've cleaned all the springs!

# - Four days to our holiday And we know before we're through

- # - Our bus will be safer than any bank Tough as an army tank

- # - We will check everywhere

- # - Though it's hard to get there

- # - Three days to our holiday And those sunny skies of blue

- # - By the time that it leaves our shed Our bus will be bright red

- # - And we know that we will... - Paint Paris redder still. - Oui.

- # - Two days to our holiday All of the inside to do

- # - So this old London bus can pass As a hotel first-class - #

- We'll make everything fit. - Including... - Ah, yes, that's it.

- # - One more day, just one more day So we must not waste an hour

- # - Come on, let's get the plumbing in Cor blimey, what a shower!

- # - Off we go on our holiday And it's you we have to thank. - #

- Fellas, we'd like to say, all four of us,

we'd never have made it without you. Would we? - No.

- It just goes to show you can't do without friends.

- We won't forget you. - We'll send you postcards.

- So long, chaps. See you when we get back, fellas.

- See you, fellas. Cheers. Thanks for everything.

- ENGINE WON'T START

Who forgot to fill the tank?

# - We're all going on a summer holiday

- # - No more workin' for a week or two

- # - Fun and laughter on our summer holiday

- # - No more worries for me or you

- # - For a week or two

- # - We're goin' where the sun shines brightly

- # - We're goin' where the sea is blue

- # - We've seen it in the movies

- # - Now let's see if it's true

- # - Everybody has a summer holiday

- # - Doing things they always wanted to

- # - So we're goin' on a summer holiday

- # - To make our dreams come true

- # - For me and you. - #

BUS HORN HOOTS

- What's up? - Look! - What is it? - Dunno. It shouldn't be on the road.

- Look!

- Why is he hooting? There's plenty of room to pass.

That's typical of French drivers!

In a London bus?

- They won't stop. - He thinks you want past.

- Can't see us. - I'll catch up.

What's the French word for "wheel"? - La wheel.

Speak English.

- They're probably French. - "Roue" is French for "wheel".

- Roue! Roue! - The wheel!

- What did he say?

Rue. That means road. - Roue!

- It's as much our rue as yours! What else did you get for Christmas?

- We're trying to say... - Get out of our way!

- Go and see how the girls are while I see what the bus is doing.

- Women!

What they say about women drivers is true. Of all the stupid...

- Women drivers? People like you shouldn't be on the road.

- I'm Cyril. - I'm Sandy.

- We wanted to tell you about your wheel.

- You watch where you're going!

Sandy, don't be beastly.

- Steve Jones.

- I'm Angie. - Glad to know you, Charlie.

- The accident would have been more serious,

but for your superb driving.

- Glad you noticed.

You didn't mean any harm.

Cyril.

- I'm Cyril. He's Edwin.

- Oh, yes.

My favourite name!

- Anyone hurt?

- What's the damage? - The light and the radiator. We'll get to Paris.

Your car doesn't look so hot.

- But now you can travel in comfort.

- We're not going on a bus! - You won't get far on holiday in this thing.

- We're not on holiday.

We're a singing trio and we're on our way to an engagement.

It's our first job.

- Singers, great! We'll take you.

- Paris, Cannes. Nice. - Athens. - Athens...

Athens?

- It's conference time, gentlemen.

- You start the ignition. We'll give it a push.

If we go on to Athens, maybe I can drive. - Maybe!

- Who says we take the girls. - Edwin? - Oh!

- Let's go!

- Good news!

My board of directors and myself have agreed to take you

to Athens as our guests.

- We're not hitch-hikers. We've got transport!

- We're expert mechanics. This car's a write-off.

- You haven't looked at it.

At least look at it.

- Let's look at it.

- What are they going to do?

What are you doing?

Oh!

Angie...

Get out!

Come on!

# - The bush upon the rotor-pump Is pushed into the floater sump

- # - It's wearing out the trunnion teeth By bearing on the cog beneath

- # - Which means in terms of tension swings

- # - The seams of your suspension springs

- # - In cyclic thirds are set apart

- # - In very simple words, dear ladies Your car won't start

- # So we're making this offer

# Ride with us, come ride with us Through the countryside with us

# For our bus has every comfort inside

# We are pleading, please Let us take you for a ride. #

Now, look what you've done!

- Listen... - Do you mind!

# - To try to wrench the gyrosphere Without a bench would take all year!

- # - Don't risk it like that on the road

- # - There's something nasty round the bend.

- # The lubricator's running slow

# To put it very frankly, ladies Your car won't go!

# So, ride with us Come, ride with us

# Better be allied with us

# Here's an offer that is quite bona fide

# We are pleading, please Let us take you for a ride. #

Oh!

- Ow!

- Oh!

What do you think he's doing?

Here you are. Thank you.

Come on, girls.

Hey!

# - You know, I shouldn't be surprised That gasket hood looks pulverised

- # The compression peaks would soon distend

# The leak that leaks on your big end

# The piston spout is dynamite And cutting out the parking light

# Your offside brake is needing a new drum

# In fact, make no mistake You've really had it, chum!

# So ride with us Come, ride with us

# Ride with us, come ride with us

# Past the forest And the riverside

# Take a tour with us that's really nationwide

# As guides we're really qualified There's no need to look terrified

# Driving by, you will say wide-eyed We are what the doctor specified

# We are pleading

# Please, let us take you for a ride with us. #

CAR BACKFIRES

# Ride with us

# Please, let us take you For a ri-i-i-i-i-de. #

GIRLS SCREAM

- Our offer's still open.

- Girls, I think it's time for a conference. Excuse us.

Do we take a nice, fast train to Athens and get there on time?

Or shall we risk it in a rickety old London bus with four strange boys?

Those in favour of the fast train.

Load the bus, boys. Here we come.

- Come on, get the cases.

- # We're all goin' on a summer holiday... #

EXCITED BABBLE

- Oh, boy, Paris, France! - We're only staying until the bus is repaired.

- A few hours in Paris could be like a lifetime!

- Oh, I feel so good!

- Sandy? - Yes? - I've never met a singer before.

- You must have. - Not a professional. - Well, I've never been paid!

- I bet you've got a lovely voice.

- Not really, but in a trio you don't notice. - Bet I'd notice it anywhere!

- Would you?

We call ourselves Doh, Ray and Mi.

I thought of that. Do you like it?

Yeah.

A good name for an act is important.

Yes, I've heard that.

Of course I heard it! I said it!

- Charlie, you're very beautiful.

- Do you call everyone Charlie? - Only the people I dig.

- Why Charlie? - It's an up-name. Happy.

- Like "Good time Charlie"? - That's right.

- Do you like my name - Angie? - I think it's the most, Charlie!

- MUSIC STOPS

- You twist marvellously!

- Hi. - Everything been done? - Everything's fine. - This is great!

- I know. But we've got to go. - Aw!

- You do want to get to Athens? - Yeah. Let's go. - Where's Steve?

- Thank you.

- Come on, we gotta go.

All right, we must get out in about five minutes.

- Come on!

- Time to go.

Come on, let's get out of here.

- MUSIC: "Foot-Tapper" - The Shadows

- Not too loud. We mustn't disturb the neighbours! Don...

where did you get to? - I went to a cafe. Had a great meal.

- Food! We forgot! - Food!

- I'm hungry.

I'd like French onion soup.

- Followed by duck in orange sauce.

- And crepe suzette.

- It's baked beans. With an egg on top.

Now, help me lay the table.

- Mind the disc!

- Look out back there, we're coming to a railway crossing.

Edwin! - LOUD THUMP

Not me this time.

CLATTER

- What was that? - We've got mice! - King-sized mice.

- We'd better find out who's there.

Girls, stay here. Boys, let's have a look. - Take a look.

- Come on!

It's a boy.

He looks frightened.

- Hey, our first stowaway!

- All right, what's it all about? - Maybe he doesn't speak English.

I'll speak French.

Parlez-vous francais? - Are you lost, Charlie?

Etes-vous perdu, Charlie?

- Ask him where he comes from.

- Ou est la plume de ma tante?

- Leave him alone. He's scared.

He's no more than 14!

- He could talk. - He'll be hungry.

- He can't understand. - Watch. Manger?

No more questions till he's had something to eat.

- You're English?

American?

- How old are you? - Fourteen.

Have you run away from home?

- I have no home. - You want to ride on the bus?

- Where are you going? - We're going to Athens.

- That's where I want to go. - Eat your meal and we'll see.

I think we ought to bury the scraps outside. Cyril?

- We'll get the sleeping bags ready.

- What can we do? - We can't leave him.

- Drop him off at a police station?

- No, we'll get tied up in red tape.

- Maybe he's run away.

- He said he has no home. - Probably a hitch-hiker.

- We're pushed for time. - To get to Athens? - Yeah.

We've got to rush through France, Switzerland, Austria, Yugoslavia.

- Athens on Saturday. - Do we take him?

Bury these, Edwin.

Looks like you got yourself a ride. What's your name? - Bobby. - I'm Don.

- < Angie. - Steve. - Sandy. - I'm Cyril.

Mimsie. Hello.

- The one outside's Edwin. We'd better turn in. You stay here.

- Here, Bobby.

- Er...do you always sleep with all your clothes on? - Yes.

Goodnight.

How does this sound? "Dear Mummy, France is Fable.

"We've picked up lots of culture. Love, Sandy."

That's fine.

- "Dear Ken, the world is beautiful.

"Things really swing when you travel by bus.

"The sky is bluer, the sun is brighter,

"and the girls are lovelier. Don." - Sheer poetry!

- I've not seen one lovely girl here yet. - Oh?

- Present company excluded.

- Oh, ma pauvre, il est malade. Le docteur qu'est-ce qu'il....

- How about them? - They're lovely?

- Oh, they're lovely.

- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

and when you're travelling, you're beholden.

- Yeah?

- # - Every girl is a beautiful girl

- # - When you're a stranger in town

- # - And every chick Looks so cute and slick

- # - When you're all alone and low down

- # - And then a smile Will open the door

- # - And in a little while You'll be a stranger no more

- # - But till then, Every girl is a beautiful girl

- # - When you're a stranger In any town. - #

WHISTLES THE TUNE

- Bonjour, madame.

- Attendez! Attendez!

Qu'est-ce que vous faites?

# - And then a smile Will open the door

- # - And in a little while You'll be a stranger no more

- # - But till then Every girl is a beautiful girl

- # - When you're a stranger Your heart is in danger

- # - When you're a stranger In tow-ow-own. - #

- Oh!

But I was... Oh, women!

- Hurray!

- Coming down.

- Oh, you are messy! - Edwin, put me down!

- Bonjour. - Bonjour, monsieur.

- Un telephone, monsieur.

Monsieur! Monsieur! - Ah, monsieur.

- Merci.

Hotel Napoleon, Paris. Person to person, Mrs Winters.

Her own TV show, ten weeks top money

and she runs out without signing a contract. There's gratitude(!)

- You said she could have a holiday.

- A star can't loaf around for ten weeks. A star must work.

- She's supported us since she was four.

- She had an enviable childhood.

She learned from life, not books.

- Like how to slip past hotel clerks?

- Oh-oh-oh! We travelled everywhere.

- Fleeing creditors. - She saw the country.

- At that speed?!

- PHONE RINGS I don't want to speak to anyone.

How could she do this to me?!

- Hi, honey, how are you?

- Who is it? - Barbara.

- Barbara baby, what are you doing to me?

I hope I never have to spend another night like last night.

Worried to death! Where are you?

I called so you wouldn't worry.

But, baby, where are you?

'I'm not going to tell you.'

I'm your mother. You must tell me.

Just a minute, there's someone at the door.

Have this call traced.

Now, Barbara, baby, I'm your mother, your own flesh and blood.

If you're not back by 6.00pm,

you'll see flesh and blood turned into steel!

I'm having more fun than I've ever had and I'm not coming back.

I'll see you in New York in a few weeks.

I've got to go. Bye-bye.

Barbara!

Hey, wait!

- Allo?

Oui.

- Barbara!

- The call came from a newspaper stall in Chaumont.

The proprietor said the call was placed by a boy!

- I know Barbara's voice!

- She's in disguise so you can't find her.

- Are you saying she ran away from me? What else did he say?

- She's travelling with a bunch of English kids on a London bus.

He heard them say something about going to Athens.

- Why would she go to Athens?

Here's Chaumont. Their next stop would be Soyksant.

- What?

Soixante. - I'll have her stopped there.

- Somebody bring up a towel.

- Casanova's had two baths today!

Edwin... Bobby, do us a favour. Take him up a towel. - Me?

- You're not doing anything, are you?

- Well, I'm reading. This is ver...

- One soft towel coming up!

- Bobby, tell him that's the last one. After this, he uses a handkerchief.

- Hurry up with the towel.

- Here you are. - Thanks, Bobby. Don't go away. I want to speak to you.

- What about? - About you.

You're not in any kind of trouble, are you? - Me?

Whatever gave you that idea? - You're a bit young to be in Europe alone.

Excuse me.

- I can take care of myself. I may be young, but I'm tough.

- If that's the way you want it.

Pass me my shorts.

Thanks.

Just you remember. If ever you need any help, you know where to come.

- Thanks, that... I'll get your shirt.

Two buttons missing. I'll sew...

I'll get one of the girls to sew them.

- I'm no use with a needle.

- Don, you need a woman to look after you.

- Oh, no!

Mind you, girls are all very well, but at a distance.

Date them once, and then run.

Date 'em twice and they're getting serious.

- They don't think the way we do. - You're so right.

They're chatting about weddings,

and what's your favourite name for a girl? Next thing, you're hooked.

No girl is going to own me.

- What if you fall in love? - That'll never happen.

- It could.

Suppose it did? - Well, I'd er...

You wouldn't understand. You're only fourteen. - And a half.

HORN BLARES

- What's all that hooting? Let's see.

- Would you get this character? - What is he doing?

- What's with you, Charlie? You tired of life, or something?

- What is he? - I don't know.

- What do you think he wants?

- I think he wants to ask us something.

- MAKES A BUZZING NOISE

- I've got it! - I think he's got it!

- He's stuck here and he wants us to give him a lift to the next town.

- There must be a simpler way to ask.

I don't think he can speak! Ow!

- I do not 'ave to speak, mon vieux.

I am ze great Orlando.

I speak ze international language of mime.

- How's that? - I can say anything I wish with my hands.

- Very good. - My face.

- Well, say something.

I think he wants a lift! - Bon! You understood!

Actions speak louder than words. - How's this?

- Tres bien. Time is flying. You 'ave to be off. - Oui. - Voila.

- If you want a lift, hop aboard.

- Merci bien. As we speed along,

I will teach you all mime with the assistance of my company.

Venez vite! Allons, mes enfants!

ALL SPEAK AT ONCE

- Vive la France!

- Vive la France (!)

Good morning!

- Barbara will be back tonight.

- No, don't let her come home.

- Jerry, you mustn't be hard on her. - Stella, look...

- I'm her mother. I've devoted my life to her career.

- True.

- All I thought about is her... - Stella, read this!

- It made the front page!

- This is the greatest thing that could have happened

because it's natural. We didn't dream it up.

It's great publicity.

Hedda Hopper phoned me this morning. She wanted the inside story.

- She didn't think it was phoney?

- She understood why she'd leave you.

- Oh, Jerry, that's won...

What did she mean by that? - Who knows?

But Barbara must stay away. We must make the most of this.

Can you imagine? For two weeks, people doing nothing but reading

and talking about Barbara Winters.

London, Paris, Rome, Hollywood... - Hollywood!

The Academy Award! - Stella!

- She mustn't come back. - Where is she?

- On a London bus going to Athens.

- That will attract attention. - We could have them arrested.

- For what?

- I bet they haven't got a licence to carry passengers.

- Are they carrying passengers?

- What do you think Barbara is? Call the police at that place.

- Swixent. - Well...

- Hello? We'd like to place a call to the police at Swixent.

- Mention that official we met at dinner.

- S-o-i-x... Soixante.

- Who cares? - Look, police - Soixante.

- SILENCE!

- We weren't taking money, just giving them lifts.

- I have heard that you are plying for hire in this dangerous bus.

You will be made an example of.

We can't have such dangerous conduct in France! We have careful drivers.

TYRES SCREECH - CRASH

You will be remanded in custody

pending further investigation into this incident.

- We're just tourists on our way to Greece.

- I dare say we shall have it all solved in a week's time.

ALL PROTEST

Silence!

- We have to be in Athens in five days.

We did NOT use the bus for hire. - So YOU say.

Paris disagrees.

- We don't know anybody in Paris.

- Our information is from Bonaparte. - Napoleon?

- No, Jaime Bonaparte. No relation, but very high up in the Ministry.

If he says you are bus passenger transporters,

then you are, until you prove differently.

- Monsieur le president, perhaps I can be of some assistance.

- Oui?

MUTTERS IN FRENCH

Who are you?

- I am the Great Orlando, leader of this troupe of entertainers.

- So, now you are entertainers?

A moment ago, you were tourists. - Tourists can be many things.

Truly, we are all entertainers.

- I suppose this can be proved?

- Monsieur, I ask nothing more than that you permit us to entertain you.

- Very well. Begin. - Merci bien.

I beg a few moments of ze court's time to organise...

- No, no, no. You give a show now.

- We 'ave need of props, make-up, costumes.

- All you need is talent.

- Absolument vrai, monsieur le president.

Absolument vrai. - Oui.

- Just as a judge needs only wisdom.

Yet you wear this robe as a costume, use that gavel as a prop

and zis courthouse as your scenery.

- Very well, you can 'ave ten minutes to get ready,

and then you either begin your show or your sentence.

- Vite! Oh! Pardon, monsieur le president.

- ALL TALK AT ONCE

- What have you got us into?

- Ssh-ssh!

You wish to get out of 'ere? - ALL: Yes!

- You will perform. - We can't.

- You will learn. - In ten minutes? - Oui.

- We haven't got a script! We can't say any old lines!

- Who 'as mentioned any old lines?

Have you forgotten what I told you?

Actions speak louder than words.

Le maquillage!

La musique!

Les costumes!

Il faut donner la plus belle spectacle du monde!

- Voila!

- Vite! Vite! Vite! Josephine, depeches-toi!

Allons, mes enfants!

Vite, vite, mes amis! Comprenez - actions speak louder than words!

- I think we'd better beat it.

- Oh!

- Call on me if you ever need work, my boy.

That's a splendid imitation of a girl.

- Hello.

Look, I know I owe you all an explanation, but I just can't.

If I could pay my fare and be treated like the other girls...

You don't know what you're saying!

- You don't owe us an explanation.

As for paying, come along as a friend.

- Unanimous! Head 'em up and move 'em out!

- Oh, thank you!

- You've done all right! That's a very nice girl.

- All I did was ask her along. - She seems very grateful.

- Hey, what's this?

- Hey, this is not a running buffet!

I'd watch that girl. You know what they say about American dollies.

- Cyril, not this boy.

- Who is he?

# - When I was young My father said,

- # - Son, I have something to say

- # - And what he told me I'll never forget

- # - Until my dying day

- # - He said, Son, you are a bachelor boy

- # - And that's the way to stay

- # - Son, you be a bachelor boy Until your dyin' day

- # - When I was sixteen, I fell in love

- # - With a girl as sweet as can be

- # - But I remembered just in time What my daddy said to me

- # - He said,

- Son, you are a bachelor boy And that's the way to stay

# Son, you be a bachelor boy Until your dyin' day

# - As time goes by I probably will

- # - Meet a girl and fall in love

- # - Then I'll get married Have a wife and a child

- # - And they'll be my turtle doves

- # - But until then I'll be a bachelor boy

- # - And that's the way I'll stay

- # - Happy to be a bachelor boy Until my dyin' day

- # - But until then I'll be a bachelor boy

- # - And that's the way I'll stay

- # - Happy to be a bachelor boy Until my dyin' day-ay-ay-ay. - #

Well, where are they? - They've gone.

- They were to hold them here! - Well, they didn't.

- That's French justice for you. How long have they been gone?

- Er...monsieur...er...

A few hours. - Come on. We'll find them.

- They could be in Switzerland!

- So we'll stop them in Switzerland! Oh, the agonies of motherhood!

- Cyril, where's my breakfast? Isn't it your turn to take over?

- Be with you in a minute, Steve.

- Come on, Cyril, Steve's breakfast is ready.

- Does this bus never stop?

I never slept a wink last night.

- So you'll remember that we stopped at the Swiss frontier. - Did we?

Yeah... - We should be in Athens in time.

Steve, pull over!

- Hey, where's the fire, Charlie?

- Did they see us? - At this speed, I can't see us!

They'll have to take the other road about a mile back.

- Remove that sign.

- They could get stuck on the mountain.

- Why are we here?

- You're right!

- What's slowing us down? - This hill. I think it's a one in one!

- Cyril... Don't turn round! You're all a bit worried about Barbara.

I have an idea. The bus stalls. You all carry the gear up the hill.

I drive Barbara up and find out all about her. - WE drive and YOU walk.

- Do you want to find out about her? - Yes. - Good. Just back me up.

- I'll give the performance of my lifetime!

I'll probably get a busman's Oscar!

Bachelor boy? - Just tell me when.

- ENGINE DIES

- Edwin!

- Sorry. - Think you can make it? - Yes.

I'd better take someone with me in case I run into any trouble.

Barbara? - Sandy's the lightest.

No, I want to stay with Cyril.

- Come on, Barbara.

All clear? - Good luck, Charlie!

- Good luck! - Ready when you are.

Hurray! - Hurray!

# For a week...or two... # Oh-h!

- Are you sure you know where you're going, Edwin?

- I think this mountain keeps growing as we climb. - Look!

Oh, it's got no collar. - And no brandy!

- We find the only St Bernard in Switzerland with no brandy!

- Story of my life. Here we go!

- Look, he wants to join us.

Maybe we can take him with us. He doesn't seem to belong to anyone.

- Want to go to Athens, Charlie?

- If you turn out to be a girl too, I'm leaving the bus!

- Come on, Charlie.

- We made it.

What's so funny?

Oh, I know. You're laughing at me because of all those things

I said to you yesterday. - No.

I think you were perfectly right. - I was?

- Yes. A girl shouldn't think she owns a guy just because he held her hand.

- You know, I brought you up here to find out all about you

but now I don't think it matters.

- Thank you.

- Barbara, wait a minute!

- Maybe you think I'm going to be like every other girl you've known.

I'm going to try to hook you. Want to own you.

May I tell you something?

I don't want to own you.

I don't even want to rent you!

So you have nothing to worry about.

- I'm not committing any crime. I just want to be free.

I have nothing against love, but it ought to be easy and casual.

- Fun? - That's right.

It's too light to go on forever.

- Nothing should last forever. I lose interest after an hour. - We agree!

- On everything.

- You know, I could be interested in you. - Feel free!

- Well...

- # - Ours will be A swinging affair

- # - We won't be tied We'll stay as free as air

- # - For we won't care What tomorrow brings

- # - It'll be just one of those...swingin' things

- # - Ours will be A swinging affair

- # - We will just be A very casual pair

- # - For love won't make us An April Fool

- # - Now we've both decided We'll play it cool

- # - We'll share a few laughs We'll share an odd date

- # - We'll share a few kisses When it's growing late

- # - And though the stars and moon May shine up above

- # - We'll enjoy the magic But we won't fall in love

- # - Ours will be A ring-a-ding-ding

- # - Just for kicks We two will have our fling

- # - And we'll have fun While there's time to spare

- # - For we'll both enjoy our swinging affair. - #

- What's the matter?

- Nothing. It was fun while it lasted.

- But-but-but... - It can't go on forever. I'll always remember you.

# Hey, let's have A swinging affair

# We won't be tied We'll be as free as air

# For we won't care What tomorrow brings

# It'll be just one of those Swinging things

# Ours will be a swinging affair

# We'll just be A very casual pair

# For love won't make us An April Fool

# Now we've both decided We'll play it cool

# We'll share a few laughs We'll share an odd date

# We'll share a few kisses Though it's growing late

# And though the stars and moon May shine up above

# We'll enjoy the magic But we won't fall in love

# Ours will be A ring-a-ding-ding

# Just for kicks We five will have our fling

# And we'll have fun While there's time to spare

# For we'll all enjoy Our swingin' affair. #

- Hey, hold on! But...

- # We'll enjoy the magic But we won't fall in love

# Ours will be - A ring-a-ding-ding

- # Just for kicks We five will have our fling

# - And we'll pretend We are not aware

- # That this is more, so much more Than a swinging affair. #

Signorina!

Cinque birre.

SPEAK ITALIAN

- Hey, Don! - Here come the others.

- Excuse me.

- Where's Cyril? - He's just coming. We've got a new passenger.

- You'll never guess what it is!

- Brandy!

Brandy!

No sign of the bus? - No.

- Are you sure there's no other road? - Yes. Quit worrying.

After three days, we rescue her. - I'll organise some photographers.

- We're not dealing with normal kids. They're a bunch of Houdinis.

- I'll keep watch while you sleep.

- I couldn't sleep with my darling daughter dying of exposure up there.

- Sorry. D'you want something to eat?

- Just something simple. My poor baby, up there, dying of starvation!

- Champagne.

Truffles.

Smoked salmon and asparagus.

Hey, look! - What did I tell you?

A bunch of Houdinis! Follow that bus!

- Ye-es.

- It's time to wake Cyril. - Good. - LOUD SNORING

Cyril! Come on!

- What do you want to wake me up for? I was having a fabulous dream.

I dreamt I was on holiday! - I know.

We never get out of this bus!

It would be marvellous if we could get dressed up and go out somewhere?

We all owe the boys so much.

Why don't we take them out and give them a huge feast on us?

- With dancing and champagne! - I want to really dress up!

Those in favour? You tell 'em.

- Boys, my partners and I would like to invite you

to be our guests at our coming out party tonight.

- Coming out? - Coming out of where? - The bus. At the next town.

- That's great.

- You have half an hour, girls. - I'd better shave.

- TRADITIONAL AUSTRIAN MUSIC PLAYS

How about this place? - It's a ritzy-looking joint.

- Maybe we can find a smaller place.

- No, only the best is good enough!

It looks sehr gemutlich to me. - Don't be filthy, Edwin.

There's no more wine. - We'll have some more.

Fraulein, bitte schon, ein bischen Wein. - No, just wine.

- Have one more glass of wine. - Yes, I will have some more.

This is the nicest place that we have been.

It reminds me of someplace I know.

- I've seen it all before. - Where? - White Horse Inn. - That's right!

- One, two, three, one, two, three.

# - Something is happening to me

- # - Suddenly I'm on my feet

- # - And as the music flows through me

- # - I belong to the song With the one, two, three beat

- # And it's happening to me

# - It's happening to me. - And me. - And me

# Me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e

# - Is this me here really waltzing?

- # - Is this me here being so square?

- # Although I know this sort of music Makes me sick and you sick

# Still, I'm aware

# - This is me here really waltzing

- # - To a Viennese one, two, three

- # And if you'll pardon me the simile I'm Romberg and Frimilly

# How can this be me?

# - I've got the urge to wear short leather trousers

- # - And dance the way Strauss's Fledermaus is.

- # Give me some frauses dressed up In cute blouses

# Helping their spouses tie bells On their cowses

# For here I'm really waltzing Though I shudder at the idea

# And though I really Should know better,

# Here am I in operetta Really waltzing here. #

Come on!

# Eins, zwei...

# And so... We're here really waltzing

# As we take our partners and bow

# We say a plague upon the houses of all the three Strausses

# But all the same we must kowtow

# To the rhythm, catchy rhythm Of the violins playing

# We've got to go with them We're waltzing, really waltzing

# Look at us, We're really waltzing now-ow-ow-ow. #

What are you doing?

Don!

- I've got to speak to you. Something's happened. - To the bus?

- No, to ME. - What is it?

- Remember those things I said to you about the way I feel about love?

- You want to be free.

You don't want to be owned. We needn't go through it all again.

- Forget it. I don't want to be free.

I do want to be owned.

And I am in love.

- Are you sure it isn't the wine and the music?

- No, it isn't the wine, the women or the song. It's you.

You, you, Y-O-U, Y-O-U. - Why-oh-me?

- Because I love you, that's why.

- # - All at once, it's you

- # - It's you for me

- # - And all at once There's blossom on each tree

- # - It's so thrilling and so new to me

- # - This enchantment that you do to me

- # - And for ever in your spell I'll be

- # - All at once My doubts and fears are past

- # - I feel as though I've come back home at last

- # - I thought I was fancy-free

- # - Till I felt this magic glow

- # - Now you're for me

- # - And all at once I know. - #

- You don't believe me?

- I don't want YOU to say anything I'll regret later.

- I swore I'd never tell a girl I loved her, but I'm telling you now.

I love you!

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Am I boring you? - No, you're hurting me a little, but I'm riveted. Go on.

- I'm sorry. I got so carried away with the way I felt that...

How do you feel?

- Just for the record, I've loved you ever since I was a little boy.

# - All at once my doubts and fears are past

- # - I feel as though I've come back home at last

- # - I thought I was fancy-free

- # - Till I felt this magic glow

- # - Now it's you for me-e

- # - And all at once I know. - #

Here. Hide it well. They mustn't see it.

- This is worth a fortune! - It's insured.

If we keep the story running long enough,

I'll have hundreds of them. Cufflinks for you.

- Mission accomplished.

- We'll inform the Yugoslav border guards that a pendant is missing.

- How do you get these fabulous ideas? - Pure mother love. Let's go.

SPEAK SERBO-CROAT

- There's my passport. I'm a foreigner. Do you mind?!

I've got a British passport.

- It seems the natives are restless.

- Goodbye, Don. It was nice knowing you.

- What can they be looking for?

- We shouldn't have tried to smuggle a bus!

- Has Charlie got a licence?

- Maybe they're searching for dangerous weapons.

- We can say goodbye to Steve's bongos!

- Charlie!

That's mine! He stole my pendant. It's got my picture in it.

- Let's move it!

- Let's get out of here before they change their minds.

- Cheerio. Bye-bye.

- Dovidjenja.

CHORUS - "Bye-bye"

- Cor, stone me!

- Everybody seems to drive Thunderbirds over here.

- That looks like the same one to me.

- Put it over there. That road ought to delay them for a couple of hours.

They might even get lost. - Over here?

- No, over there!

- Lost? - We should have gone the other way. This isn't a main road.

- This is pretty wild country.

- I have a feeling someone's trying to stop us getting to Athens.

- Who? - I don't know.

We're having too many delays.

And there's that Thunderbird.

- That was just a coincidence.

- Perhaps he's going to Athens.

- Maybe. Look, don't tell the others.

- Donald! - Yeah? - Can we have tea now?

- Yeah, we may as well. - Ah, who's a darling?

- Sustenance! - What's for tea, girls?

- Sandwiches - but we're short of one vital ingredient. - What?

- GIRLS: Who forgot to buy the bread?

Maybe there's a supermarket near. - Look at little Bo-Peep out there!

- Maybe she could direct us to the nearest loaf of bread.

- Maybe. Let's go.

- Stay, Charlie. - Look after the girls, Charlie.

- Oh, wait a minute. What's Yugoslavian for bread? - Hang on.

Here's the guidebook. It's at the back. Don't be long!

- Hey! - Hey, lady!

- Hey, come back!

Hey!

- Come back! Come back! - Look, we just want to buy some bread.

Bread! - She doesn't understand.

- She looks scared. - She's frightened.

- Don't be afraid. We friends.

- Me Tarzan, you Jane.

Oh, she's not with it. - Actions speak louder than words.

- SHE STARTS TO CRY

- Don't cry. - Sing to her. - What for?

- Then she'll know you're a friend.

- What'll I sing? - It doesn't matter. She won't understand you.

Come on, he'll sing you something friendly. That's it.

- # - You must have heard Of Little Bo-Peep

- # - She was the girl with all the sheep

- # - Well, one day, it's sad to say, The sheep all ran away

- # - She was lonely and she was blue She was sad and a-cryin' too

- # - So I told her what to do I said, put on your dancin' shoes

- # Put on your dancin' shoes Put on your dancin' shoes

# Put on your dancin' shoes And dance away your blues. #

- Try something else. - I'll try another.

- # - A friend of mind had an accident

- # - Laughed so hard, Off a wall he went

- # - Humpty Dumpty was his name I guess you heard the same

- # - He was lying on the ground Bits and pieces all around

- # - So I told him what to do I said put on your dancin' shoes

- # - Put on your dancin' shoes Put on your dancin' shoes

- # - Put on your dancin' shoes And dance away your blues. - #

- Hey, hang on!

- # - I'm sure you know About Jack and Jill

- # - They're the ones That went up the hill

- # - Jack fell down and broke his crown

- # - Jill came tumbling after

- # - What a noise their cryin' made It was a-ringin' through the glade

- # - So I told them what to do

- # - And I changed their tears To laughter

- # Put on your dancin' shoes Put on your dancin' shoes

# Put on your dancin' shoes And dance away your blues

# Put on your dancin' shoes Put on your dancin' shoes

# Put on your dancin' shoes Ooh, yeah, yeah! #

- Quick. While she's in a good mood, what's Yugoslavian for bread?

- Nevjesta. - Nevjesta.

- Nevjesta!

Nevjesta! Nevjesta!

Nevjesta!

Nevjesta!

- Not too much. Enough for eight.

Are you sure nevjesta means bread?

- Hey, Don!

Bread is hleb.

- What does nevjesta mean, then?

- Bride.

- Bride?

Let's get out of here!

- SERBO-CROAT

RIPPLE OF APPLAUSE

ALL: Ah-h!

- Any sign of them yet? - No, and it'll be dark soon.

They've been gone almost an hour. They'll be so hungry!

- I told you we should have gone to Blackpool!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Keep moving fellas.

- Hey! Hey! hey!

- I've got an idea. - What is it?

- That's it. - Ah!

I'll see you.

- We'll never make Athens in time. - We will. Hold on!

We made it!

- What is all this about?

- Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Donald Preston? - Er...yes. - Congratulations!

Well done! My name is Wrightmore. I'm with the British Consul.

If there's anything I can do...

- What's all this?

- The sight of a London bus on the Continent has aroused curiosity.

The press are playing it big.

We've all been following your course.

Here's yesterday's Daily Mail.

- "That London bus operated by four young mechanics

"seems to be going to Greece. A trio - Doh, Ray and Mi

"and an American girl are aboard."

- BRAKES SCREECH

Come on!

- "The bus was last seen... Continued page 3."

- There they are! Arrest those people for kidnapping Barbara Winters.

- What's all this about? - Stop it!

Baby! Baby!

Mother, what are you doing?

$1m worth of publicity.

I didn't know about this, Don.

- Sure. Next time you want to travel, take a plane.

- Don't worry. I'll get you out.

- At least we'll be comfortable till the trial. - Yes, all right.

Nice. - Girls...

the boys and I are sorry. - What for?

- If you'd caught your train you'd be working, not facing charges.

- We wouldn't have missed it for the world.

- I'll see you later. - Don, where are you going?

- I want some fresh air.

- We can sleep without stopping for red lights!

Where's Don? - He's got the blues.

Let him get it out of his system.

- # - They say I'll love again some day

- # - A truer love will come my way

- # - The next time

- # - But after you there'll never be A next time for me

- # - They say that I'll find happiness

- # - In someone else's warm caress

- # - The next time

- # - I'll soon forget your kiss

- # - And heartaches such as this

- # - Will just be ancient history

- # - They say that I'm a fool to weep

- # - That I won't go on losing sleep

- # - The next time

- # - That someone else will mend the heart

- # - You've broken in two

- # - But how can I fall in love

- # - The next time

- # - When I'm still so very much In love with you?

- # - They say that I'm a fool to weep

- # - That I won't go on losing sleep

- # - The next time

- # - That someone else Will mend the heart

- # - You've broken in two

- # - But how can I fall in love

- # - The next time

- # - When I'm still so very much In love with you?

- # - When I'm still so very much In love with you. - #

- Clap hands, here comes Charlie! - Where have you been? - Just walking.

- KNOCK AT DOOR

- Who's that? - The house detective?

Mr Wrightmore! - Everything all right? - Depends on what you mean.

- A cable came for you this morning.

- "Your request for additional buses for your project approved.

"Very proud of you all. Onslow Harper, London Transport."

- If we had all those buses, maybe I could drive!

- All the way to jail. - Oh, yeah.

Wait till they hear that we've been accused of kidnapping

our first passenger.

- We never kidnapped her.

Her mother must be suffering from delusions.

- I've spoken to her. They're just down the corridor.

She's having a press conference at six.

- What's Barbara's room number?

- 483, I think. - Thank you, Mr Wrightmore.

- Hey, Don...

- Who is it? - Me.

- Go away. - Not on your life.

- TRIES TO OPEN DOOR

- Listen, Barbara Winters, if that's your real name,

I don't care what you've done, the fact is, I'm in love with you.

- Don!

- I realise it was just a publicity stunt.

Why didn't you go the whole hog and marry me?

- I'd love to!

- It'd be a great story. "American star marries mechanic."

- I'd love to. - I can see it now. Ten-inch banner headlines.

What did you say?

- I said I'd love to marry you.

- Barbara! - I love you!

- Shouldn't we open the door?

- She's locked me in.

She says if I ever see you again she'll put you in jail for years.

- Leave me to deal with your mother.

- You don't know her. - I'll see to her.

- Don, you don't know what she can do. - I said I'll deal with your mother.

Don't go away now. - I won't. Don!

- All right, quiet now! Take your seats, please.

Thank you very much.

I got you all here to give you the lowdown on this story.

It's not a very pretty story.

Still, it's kind of a beautiful story because it concerns a mother,

an American mother -

the very beautiful and charming Stella Winters.

- APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Press, my story begins seven days ago.

That's a lifetime to a mother whose daughter has been kidnapped.

- Come on!

- Barbara!

- The boys will get you out. I have a date with the Press.

- Cyril, you're the smallest. - But you're the strongest! - Edwin!

- Hey, fellas! Careful! Mind the suit!

- Cyril?

- You pushed. - Cyril! - Hurry up. We haven't got all day.

- Careful. Come on.

- Ow!

- Am I hurting you, Cyril? - No. No.

- We've got you.

Are you OK? - Yes. - Right, let's go.

- Hey, fellas!

- Here in Athens, I caught up with those hoodlums

and now my lovely daughter is back with me.

Right now, I ask only one thing.

I'd like to meet one of those hoodlums. - That's not difficult.

I'm one of them. - This is a hood?

You've got a nerve turning up here!

- I thought the press would like to hear our side. - (It's OK.)

- How about it? - We're not taking sides.

- You got something to say? Say it!

- All right...

- # - Big news, big news Big news, big news

- # - Have you heard the news? Here's the news to hit the headlines

- # - Better hold page one

- # - Have you heard the news? I'll give you a headline story

- # - You'll be cheering When my story's done

- # - I want to make a statement I want you all to hear

- # - Listen closely to me for the story of the year

- # - I've found a plan for livin' To last me all through life

- # - I'm gonna take that girl of mine And make her my wife

- # - Have you heard the news?

- # - Have you heard What I've been saying?

- # - I've been saying that She's the girl for me

- # - Now here's another statement To all of you today

- # - When you get my story Then print the words I say

- # - In ten-inch banner headlines For everyone to see

- # - I'm gonna wed this girl of mine Cos she's in love with me

- # - Now you've heard the news Now you've heard why I'm so happy

- # - I'm so happy and it's clear to see

- # - Now you've heard the news Now you've heard why I'm so happy

- # - I'm so happy Cos she's in love with me

- # - Big news, big news... - #

- I think we've got trouble.

- What did you think of that?

- If Barbara were here, she'd tell you it's a pack of lies.

- If Barbara loves this guy, you'd give your consent?

- I'd drop all charges.

I only want my baby to be happy.

I do love him, Mother.

- Is it true you're taking 200 London buses to the Riviera next year?

- 200 buses?

- Will you form your own company?

- He's going right to the top. He needs help to shape his career.

- Will you form an American branch?

- Gerry, there's nothing we couldn't become.

A transport tycoon. They'll make us a lord.

We'll be presented at court. We'll curtsy.

- Now, look, Stella!

Now, look, please!

- Young man...

..you may kiss me.

Baby!

Don!

- Thanks again, Mr Wrightmore. We'll be back soon.

- There's a lot of interest in your trip.

- Double-Decker Tours will start in two weeks.

We're going to have our holiday first. - Good luck, Don.

# - We're all goin' On a summer holiday

- # - No more workin' for a week or two

- # Fun and laughter On our summer holiday

# No more worries for me or you For a week or two

# We're goin' Where the sun shines brightly

# We're goin' where the sea is blue

# We've seen it on the movies

# Now let's see if it's true

# Everybody has a summer holiday

# Doin' things They always wanted to

# So we're goin' On a summer holiday

# To make our dreams come true

# For me and you

# For me and you

# For me and you. #