Original subtitles

Oh, Bobby.

Oh, Bobby. Oh,

Bobby.

Oh, Bobby.

Oh, Bobby. Oh, Bobby.

Bobby. Oh, Bobby.

Oh, Bobby.

Oh,

Bobby.

Oh, Bobby.

Oh, Bobby.

Stop it, you two.

Bobby, go home.

It's enough of this foolishness.

Oh, Mom.

Peaches, you go to bed now.

I'm home.

Oh, Mom.

I'm not doing anything honest.

You must think I was born yesterday. Go to bed, Peaches.

All right, Mom.

I'm sorry.

I'll be quiet.

It's too late. She's already heard you.

Peaches, my balls are aching. Well, you should have thought of that before you

made all that noise.

Now you have to go.

No.

Peaches. Quiet.

Don't get mad again.

Peaches, I'm serious.

I'm in pain.

Can't you put it away?

I've had just about enough of that little creep for one night.

You better not try to sneak back in here.

My balls are aching. Breathe in.

Come on. Come on.

Peaches, go to bed.

Yes, kid.

You have to go. I'm getting mad.

Look. No, we can't. She's already yelled at me. I know what to do.

I've got to go to the bathroom.

Go. It's right over there.

Just leave.

Well, if he does try to sneak back in here, I'm ready.

I'll call police.

I'll lock up anyway.

Darn mother ruined everything again.

My sex life is a total flop.

I'm almost 20 years old, and I don't know a thing about boys.

I've got to do something.

I know.

I'll talk with Daddy.

He can tell me everything I need to know.

That's it. First thing in the morning, I'll make an appointment with his

secretary.

God mother is so uptight.

I'll never learn anything from her nothing

Okay, you.

Behind the curtain. I got a knife.

Come out from behind there, you slimy little peeping Tom.

Bobby.

It's you.

Well, you slimy little perverted creep.

Did you enjoy yourself watching me get undressed?

Did you like that?

No?

Did you like making me feel cheap?

Huh?

You little creep.

Take your clothes off.

I can't do that.

Yes, you can and you will and you'll start with your coat.

Please, Mrs. Goldbloom, don't make me... Start with your coat.

Come on, hurry up. Take your shirt off.

We have to do something about creeps like you.

Take your pants off so I can see your ugly little penis.

Come on.

Hurry up.

Now you're going to see what it feels like to be stripped down and stared at

like a caged animal.

What's the matter with you, Bobby?

My balls.

My balls.

Your balls?

Well, what's the matter? Come over here.

Oh. Sit down.

Well, well, well.

No wonder you're in so much pain.

You have lover's nuts, Bobby.

Oh, yeah.

These balls are definitely engorged with fluid.

It could make you feel better.

Why should I?

What's in it for me?

You've been a bad boy.

But maybe there is something nice you can do for Mrs. Goldblum.

Anything, please.

Anything?

Uh -huh.

Hmm.

Let me think about that.

Take it easy.

Drive it home.

Oh, yeah.

Faster, Bobby!

Oh, God.

I'm getting so hot.

Can I come in here?

No, baby.

Come out here. I want to see it.

This is good.

know about this?

She... She doesn't give me the chance.

So what's wrong this time, honey? You need your new club?

You're great. You're all right, aren't you? Oh, Daddy, it's nothing like that.

This is something much more serious.

Oh, Christ.

Don't tell me you're pregnant.

Daddy! No, I'm not pregnant.

Oh, thank God.

I suppose your mother's already told you about that stuff.

That's just it.

Nobody will tell me anything.

Mother won't talk about sex at all.

All she'll tell me is that I'm better off without it.

Is that really true, Daddy?

That crummy cunt.

What a thing to tell her own flesh and blood. Of course it isn't true.

Well, then what do I do?

Can you help me?

Me?

I'm your father.

I was.

Of course I can't help you. Hasn't the school nurse told you anything?

No.

No? Where the hell does that tax money go?

I don't know.

What about the locker room? Don't you girls talk about boys and stuff like

Sometimes.

Good, that's it then. Just ask around.

Ask around?

Sure. That's what I did when I was a child.

That's what my father did when he was a child.

It's the best way. You can do it, too.

It's a time -honored tradition.

The American way.

Golly, Daddy, I think you're right.

Thanks.

Anytime. And how much do you need?

Oh. Should this do it? Thanks.

Gosh, that's a lot.

Enjoy it.

Well, take care of Peaches.

Oh, uh, Peaches, uh, one more thing.

Just don't be a tease.

You know what I mean?

Nobody likes a tease.

Don't worry, Dad.

I won't be a tease.

And thanks for all your wonderful advice.

Bye.

Miss Wilson, come in here, please.

Did you hear what I just told Peaches?

Yes, sir, I did.

And I thought you were wonderful.

You did?

Well, it's true, you know. No one likes a tease.

No, sir.

They sure don't.

Miss Wilson, how'd you like a little sexual harassment on the job?

Well, that sounds like fun.

Oh, Mr. Wilson.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Lieber?

I'm sure glad I had that talk with Daddy.

He gave me some great advice.

I know I'm never going to be a tease.

Now, how am I going to start my sex education?

I know, of course. I'll go visit Uncle Howard in San Francisco.

Oh, he's told me so many times that I could come up there and visit him.

And he told me I would have a great time.

Oh, I better leave a note for Mom.

I'll tell her the good advice that Dad gave me.

Never play hard to get, so she won't worry.

Hi. How far are you going?

I'm going to San Francisco.

Well, this rig's going the same way you are, so hop your little butt on inside.

Tell you what, I'm going to lay over someplace tonight, and we'll drive on

the city in the morning, okay?

Okay, great.

All right, let's do it.

Well, I don't see that this is sleeping the truck.

It's the last bed they got.

Well, I guess it'll do.

It's big enough anyway.

Yeah, it's big enough.

Yeah.

I have to go to the ladies' room.

I'll be right back.

I'm Julie.

I heard you were alone and thought you might want some company.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Come on in. Come on in. Does the little half and half sound

good?

Half and half?

Yeah, yeah. Sounds great. Sounds great.

I need two $20 bills.

Yeah, sure. Right here. Right there.

Goodbye. Yes. Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Who's that?

It's nobody.

It's nobody. It's just a hitchhiker. She can go wait in the bathroom.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's okay. She can stay.

Can I?

It's okay. You can stay.

Maybe I'll learn something.

How come you didn't fuck her? She's pretty.

She's just a kid.

I don't think so. How old are you?

I'm almost 20.

You could have saved yourself $40.

But... I wouldn't be able to do the kind of things that she's going to do.

Why don't you sit back and watch?

Yeah.

Oh, can we quit talking here, please?

Oh, God.

Actually, put it in your throat again. Do it again. Do it again.

Oh, oh.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

Yeah, baby.

Fuck me.

Oh, faster.

Come on, baby. Fuck me.

You like it deep, don't you?

You like that?

Yes.

Yes. Uh -huh. Oh, yes.

No.

Right there?

Yes.

Yeah. Oh.

Yes, baby.

Yeah, fuck me.

Fuck me, baby.

Yeah, yeah, baby.

Fuck me.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah. Fuck me. Fuck me.

Oh, you piece of shit. Fuck me.

Oh, fuck me like a man. Where'd you take your lessons, Disneyland?

Fuck me.

Yeah. Come on, harder, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, baby. Fuck me in the ass. Come on.

Yeah,

yeah. Oh, fuck me, you piece of shit.

It wouldn't be so bad if you could fuck.

You're a bastard.

Don't you fucking do that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Fucking asshole. You have to pay for it. Yeah. Fuck me. Yeah.

Fuck me. You like it, don't you, you bastard?

Fuck me.

Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck me.

Yeah. Yeah.

like such a baby.

But, you know, I'm really, I'm just only trying to learn about sex.

And, and gosh, you were terrific.

It was so great. Oh, I couldn't believe it. You were so wonderful.

You were up her ass. I couldn't believe it. I never saw anything like it in my

life.

Oh, God.

I'll tell you what, don't worry about it. You'll do better next time.

I hope so.

Stanley, what did you say to my daughter to make a runoff to San Francisco?

I didn't make a runoff anywhere.

I just gave her my best advice on some personal matters and she made her own

decisions.

She's not a little girl anymore, Eunice.

I just can't imagine why she would do something like this.

Well, my best guess is she's looking for a little fun.

Like mother, like daughter.

What do you mean by that?

Nothing.

Look, if you're really worried about her, I'll take you to San Francisco so

can see how she's doing.

Do you know where she's staying?

That's the problem.

She wants to go visit Howard.

Howard? He's harmless. Why worry about that?

Well, I am worried.

And I think we should leave right away before it's too late. And you know, I

think you should come with me.

You're the one that got us into this mess.

I think I can get away for a little while.

Well, we'll leave tonight.

We'll stay in a motel somewhere and we'll be in the city by the morning.

Yeah.

That might be fun.

Just like old times.

Don't flatter yourself, Stanley, because I'm sleeping alone.

Gosh, Uncle Howard, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. You have the

nicest family.

I feel so warm and cozy and safe.

And I'll promise... that I'll try real hard not to be a problem.

Why, thank you, dear.

And you know what else?

We're happy to have you.

Thank you.

Some more pie, Peaches, dear.

Oh, no, thank you, Auntie. I'm stuffed. It was a wonderful dinner.

Oh, thank you.

So, what made you come to this city all alone?

You're not running away from home, are you?

Golly, no, Uncle Howard.

I came up here to see you and to learn all I can about sex.

Sex? I like sex.

The hell you say?

I like sex.

Well, yes.

Yes, sir.

San Francisco is one of the best places to learn about sex. Or so I hear.

Oh, my boys. I know how to keep them happy.

Yeah, I hear you're making Dad happy. Very happy. Every night.

And my dad's a great fuck.

Hey, he could teach you about sex.

He could?

Oh, man, you should see him screw my mom.

Oh, boy. Come here, Mom.

Let me show you. He turns around.

Bites in the back of the neck first.

And then he starts playing with her tits and he gets her all excited.

And as soon as he gets excited, whammo, bammo, right up the cheeks back to my

dad.

Yeah, your dad is quite the guy.

Yeah, you like that stuff, don't you, Mom? You like letting Dad ride down

Hershey Highway, huh?

Yeah, we don't want bitches to think that we're rude, do we?

Yeah, that's right.

In fact, I don't want to have to tell you this again. I don't want you to

your mama's titties at the dinner table, especially in front of company.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Can I play with your pussy?

That's okay.

Who's the worst, you or your father?

Or better, come on, Mom, tell the truth. Who's the best, me or Dad?

Oh, don't you go doing that, Eddie.

Mama's going to be wanting to tell. And there's no stopping her once she gets

started.

Thank you, boys. I don't know what I'm going to do with you two. It's either

or the other, but when you get started, you get started.

Hey.

You want to see something really dirty?

Oh, I don't know. Uh -oh. Really nasty? Uh -oh.

How would you like to see me and Dad?

Fuck Mom!

Oh, my God!

She's really going to get going. Oh, now you've done it.

Come on, Dad.

Let's get her.

Oh, you bet, son.

Oh, my God.

My hands are crooked.

Excuse me.

I'm... I'm going to bed early tonight.

Nice to see you, honey.

Oh, fuck

you, mom.

Fuck you up, mom.

Oh,

moms are the best, aren't they? Yeah, fucking A.

Nothing like a good mom.

Whoa,

whoa, whoa. Whoa, Dad.

Mom does that so good, doesn't she?

Oh, my baby boy.

Oh, you're so big.

Oh,

baby.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck me.

Fuck me, baby.

Fuck me.

Here we go, honey. It's coming in now.

Oh, meow, baby.

Oh, God.

Oh, baby.

Oh, come on. Take a later place. Come on.

I'm coming, Mom.

I'm coming.

Right in there.

Don't you love it? Oh my goodness gracious.

Who are you?

I'm Crystal.

Hello, Crystal.

My name's Peaches.

Do you live here, too?

Yes, I do.

I already heard what you had to say in the dining room.

You did?

Yes. And I also know why you're here.

I want to learn all about intercourse.

You heard that, too?

I don't believe this mess.

Blossom is just fucking up all over the place.

Look at this dust here.

Dust, dust, dust.

She's fat and smelly, and she leaves dust all over.

Have to get rid of that, don't I?

This is sick.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

Oh, no.

Granny's coming.

Dust, smelly, dirty blossom.

Hi, Granny. How's trick?

How do you do, dear?

Blossom is really fucking up. We have to do something.

And who is this delightful -looking child?

Granny, this is Peaches.

She'll be staying with us for a while.

Marvelous. Can you dust?

I sure can.

My room at home is as neat as a pin.

And I bet you did your little chores around the house, too, didn't you, dear?

I sure did.

Yes. Well, how would you like a new job?

Dusty. Would you like that?

Lovely. Well, why don't we talk in the morning, dear, all right?

All right.

Good night, girl.

Have a good night.

Isn't she a nice lady?

Sure.

I guess this is okay.

It's cheaper if we share a room anyway.

It certainly is.

You happy with that bed?

Oh, um, it doesn't matter.

You take your pick.

I'll be in the bathroom.

I'll tell you what, I'll put our things away. How's that?

Thank you, Stanley.

You really surprise me.

You're so charming.

You're so polite.

Sometimes I don't know why we ever got divorced.

We used to have fun in motel rooms, didn't we?

We sure did

Just

like old times

We'll see

God this is great. I'll be right back.

Hey, yo, my name is Christian, you know? I'm from the front office. They told me

to come check on you. I mean, are you into aerobics and stuff?

Come in.

All right.

Yeah, well, why don't you just lay on the bed?

Let me give you one of them massages, you know?

That sounds nice.

Hey, baby.

Daddy's coming home.

Real soon, yeah.

I knew she'd never stop loving me.

How could anyone stop loving me?

Oh, yeah, deeper.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Why did you do that?

Well, I thought you might like that, being the white chick and all.

Oh.

Excuse me for a minute.

Certainly. I'll just be a... I'll just be a second.

Uh -huh.

Hi.

Now, wait, wait, wait.

Oh

me.

Oh, yeah.

What the fuck is that?

Just like old times, huh?

Old times? Hell, I don't know you. Shit, I'm out of here, man.

Ciao.

Just like old times.

Nothing's changed.

I thought we had something going for us tonight.

And we do. Oh, shit.

I love when you cheat on me, baby.

You mean so much to me.

You always make me feel worthless, unappreciated.

Use me.

Hey.

Oh.

Oh, baby.

Oh my darling, just like old times.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Let me look at your ass.

Yeah.

Fuck you, baby. Move it.

Oh.

You ready to come, Barry? Oh, yeah.

I'm going to come.

Oh, here I come.

Oh, Stanley, my man.

So, dear, it's all very simple, really. You know, just sort of watering the

plants, dusting, maybe getting my tea.

Simple, easy things. You know, sort of fun in a way, I think. It sounds like a

wonderful job. Oh, good. I'm glad you like it.

Because we can't have you wearing your clothes, your street clothes.

I can't? No.

I think we should have something more maid -like for you. I have something

that... is what the girls in France are wearing now, the French maids.

The hat's right here.

This is sort of a jacket top, a French jacket top, and these are sort of the

French bottoms.

Well,

I guess they'll do.

I think you'd look lovely in them. Shall we try it on? What do you think?

Sure. Okay, let me help you get out of this.

Thank you.

It sort of slips over your head, doesn't it? Lovely stockings, dear.

Panties are very sweet.

Normal.

Well, this is a charming outfit you have, honey.

Yes.

Life's okay, sir.

Charming panties.

What the heck are these?

I've seen what the young girls are wearing these days. It's just marvelous.

didn't have anything like this.

Lovely, dear.

I'll do it, honey. I'll do it.

Let's go.

Thank you, Granny.

Would you put your finger

there, please?

Very nice.

Well, yes, they're adorable.

They're a bit small, Granny.

Well, that's what the girls in France are wearing, dear.

Try the tie.

That's just fine.

Are you sure, Granny?

You look like the perfect little French maid.

But you can see everything.

Well, there's no one here but me, dear.

No one here but you, Granny.

I suppose it'll be okay.

All right, are you ready for your little maid's audition now?

Yes. All right.

Let's find some dirt to pick up, shall we?

There's something right over there. Why don't you just bend over and take that

little piece of... I got it, Granny.

Very good, dear.

That's excellent.

I'm only a little concerned, though, with everyone running around the house.

That's so a little too much when you bend over. Would you mind trying to pick

dirt and sort of a bunny dip when you handle that?

A bunny dip?

Well, you know, sort of like, you know, you sort of go over and sort of lean

down. That's what, like, the grown -up people would like you to do.

Well, we'll work on it.

Oh, this is so much fun. What more can we do?

For your first time, this is really good.

Well, maybe we should do some dusting now.

Oh, great.

Do you like the dust? Oh, I love the dust.

Great. How about, you know, all these little chaska things, you know, you can

just kind of... That's it.

Kind of far away.

Well, I'll hold you there, don't worry.

That's a girl. Now, do you just dust all those little pieces?

Oh. No, don't break them. Don't break them.

All right, Granny. Take her.

Easy does it. Easy.

Well,

that was very good. I mean, we'll have to go over your dusting form, but

otherwise... My Granny, what strong arms you have.

You're so cute.

Why?

You're a man.

And I don't have any clothes on.

Nobody knows about that. Please, dear.

It's all right. I'll pay you very well. You have nothing to worry about.

All right. I won't tell anyone.

Okay. But you're not supposed to be doing that kind of stuff.

I mean, people know in the house, but they don't know outside. You won't tell

anyone outside the house, will you?

Nobody knows that you're a man?

Well, they know I'm a man. They just don't know I dress like a granny.

Come here.

You're seducing me.

It's all right.

It's all right.

Just relax, dear. It's okay.

I guess it's not so bad. No, dear, no. No?

No.

Not so bad.

Let's do a little dusting.

A little dusting.

Is that right? Yeah, that's not bad at all.

You're very good.

Yes.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I'll learn something. Yes, dear.

Maybe this will be good sex education. Yes, dear.

Come on. Why don't you clean this, honey?

Good, girl. Up and down.

Up and down. That's it.

Easy.

Good.

Now lick it. Lick it down here.

That's it, girl.

That's it.

Suck on that. That's right.

You're going to work out very well.

Yes, you are.

That's it.

That's a movie timer.

That's it.

That's it.

Thanks.

Good night.

Yes! Yes!

Huh? Huh?

Take it up your ass, baby. Stick your finger in your ass.

That's right.

That's right. All the way up.

Good. Step it up your ass.

Tight. That's good.

That's it. Hook your ass.

Oh, God, that's good.

That's good?

Yeah.

That's good.

That's good.

Take it up your ass.

That's right.

That's it. Fuck your ass.

Oh, Bobby.

Bobby.

Did you think this place was just a little busy?

It's a quiet place for you.

It is.

Captain, it's simply groovy to see you too, just like the old times.

Yes, it is, Eric.

Excuse me, have you met Eunice?

Why, Captain, if you recall, officers not introduce their wives to enlisted

Smoker?

Oh, yes, I guess that's true.

Well, at any rate, we're not married anymore. Howard, this is Eunice, Peach's

mom.

Nice to meet you, Howard.

Stanley's told me so much about you.

Uh, he has.

Has he told you about my head wound?

No, I don't believe he's mentioned that one.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I didn't think he would.

Uh, at any rate, uh, what's up with Peaches, Howard? We were wondering if

could tell us anything. We haven't seen her in a while. Look, you've had a long

trip. Why don't we have some pipes while we talk about this? Just like the good

old days back in Nam, huh?

There were no good old days back in Nam. Oh.

But a couple of pipes down, great.

What do you say, Eunice?

Oh, pipes, darling. It sounds so Barbary Coast.

But I wouldn't miss it for the world.

So how...

Howard, would you like to tell me about your war wound?

Well, there's really nothing much to tell.

I got shot in the head.

See, right there?

Yeah. And I've had a hard -on ever since.

No, that's not possible.

You're pulling my leg.

Pull something else, yeah.

Give me your hand.

Why? Give me your hand.

My God.

Stanley. Yeah.

Stanley, honey. What? I'm telling you, I think that your uncle is a little

perverted.

You know, Eunice, that's not a very nice thing to say.

Howard happens to be a nice guy. A very nice guy. He wasn't even a nicer guy

before he got shot in the head.

Yeah, well, you know something?

This nice guy uncle of yours might very well have sold my daughter into slavery.

And apparently with your blessings.

You know, Eunice, you are paranoid.

That's not a very fair thing to say.

You know what Peaches means to me.

Stanley,

that's something else I want to talk about. Peaches.

And you.

I think Crystal is the key.

You must know something.

Yeah. That's a thought.

But why would she tell us anything?

I think she likes me.

Well, now, that's a goddamn laugh.

You couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a $100 bill, and you want this

to fall in love with you?

Look, I'm going to make her fall for me, and then she'll tell me everything.

Yeah.

Stanley!

Howard, stop it. Stanley, I think he's got me.

Howard, cut it out.

Howard!

I can't hear you, Eunice.

You're not such a weasel after all.

Stanley, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Eunice.

She's such an ugly white woman. Why do you hang out with her?

You're too good for her.

Stanley, make love to me.

I was just thinking.

I had the feeling I shouldn't ask what about.

I wonder what Peaches is doing these days.

Are you talking to me?

Well, you know, I figure you must know something. Howard is your master. He

tell you everything.

What do you care? She's not even your daughter anyway.

Who told you that?

I heard.

Oh,

can I get rid of a few colors here?

Oh, sure, go right ahead.

You dress as busy as your house.

Her. Well, she's my stepdaughter.

You mean ex -stepdaughter. You're not even married anymore.

Peaches is my baby.

It's clear to me now that you just want to get in that little girl's pants.

She's not a little girl. She's 20 years old.

See, I knew it.

You just want to fuck her.

Well, you were right. I know where she is, but I'm not telling you.

Come on, please tell me.

No. Why should I?

I'll never tell.

I'll never betray Howard. You can kill me first.

Didn't you know that we Orientals are faithful to the death, you Caucasian

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Are we off of this?

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, I'm coming.

Oh. Oh.

And their stomach, they're gone baby.

Wait, I'll talk to you.

I'll do anything you want.

I'll even sing.

Oh, God.

Wait.

I'll tell you all about Peaches.

After she got turned on to sex, she made me take her to old Chinatown.

I know a lot of what we said and done may seem a little strange to you.

This is a private club and the rules are very strict.

Oh, I understand.

And I want to thank you for your patience.

This is all very new and exciting for me.

You're a very beautiful girl, Peaches.

And whatever I can do to help you understand sex more will be also

me. I'm sure the members of the club will be thrilled to see you. Have you

your rules? Yes, I have.

And do you understand them? I do. Good. And remember, a job well done can be

very rewarding.

I understand.

Is there anything else you'd like to say before we start?

Well, I never had anyone bathe and dress me before.

Well, if you'd like, I can bathe and dress you again.

Yes. Okay.

Did you like my story?

Did it turn you on?

It was filthy.

And not true, I'm sure.

Do you want to hear some more filthy things we did?

Please?

Now the master owns you.

He does?

Yes.

Open your legs.

Have you ever belonged to anyone, Peaches?

Well, no.

Just Bobby.

Sort of.

But not quite. Almost.

Who's Bobby?

Oh, he's a friend from back home.

We like each other a lot.

Oh, how quaint. A little friend.

Have you ever belonged to a woman?

Golly, no.

I'm gonna fuck you now, peaches.

And after I get you all hot, someone's gonna come in and fuck off.

Oh.

Oh.

I can't.

Hello, Peaches.

I see you're doing well in your sex education.

Bobby!

What are you doing here?

Crystal told me she knows how badly I want you.

I don't understand.

Well, let me explain it to you.

Oh,

Bobby.

Oh, Peaches.

Oh, Bobby.

Mwah!

Huh?

Deeper.

Deeper.

Bobby. Peaches.

Peaches, baby, wake up. You're having a bad dream.

Mom, what are you doing here?

You were calling me.

Honey, are you all right? We heard you calling. You gave us a scare.

Dad, you're here too.

Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?

Baby, go back to sleep now.

Remember, we have to get up early tomorrow.

That's right. We're going to San Francisco to visit Uncle Howard.

I better get a good night's sleep.

That's right.

Good night,

Mom. Good night, baby.

Good night, Dad. Good night, sweetie.

See you in the morning.

What an incredible dream.

I should be ashamed of myself, thinking up all those rude fantasies about all

those nice people.

Wouldn't they be surprised if they only knew what a nasty little...