Original subtitles

- [theme music playing] - Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

- Kiff! ♪ - [♪ theme music concludes]

[both chuckle]

[narrator] Brought to you by Shady's Briefcase Full of Cash.

If you're making a deal, make it shady!

Attention, everyone. Quiet, please.

Bathrooms are down the hall to the left.

Fire exit is to the right.

Put those phones on quiet mode and let's listen to Helen.

[snores, gasps] Heh. Uh?

- What's happening? - [Kiff] It's class time.

It is?

[Principal Secretary over P.A.] Helen, please report to my office immediately.

[all] Oooooh!

No! No, stop that.

Why am I here, Principal Secretary?

Have a seat. I want to talk to you.

Oh.

About this year's musical.

Oh!

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised

by this year's generous budget.

[gasps]

- It's all yours. - Money. [shrieks]

Under one condition.

Last year, you portrayed me as stingy, mean,

and downright villainous.

That cannot happen again, Helen. It was very hurtful.

[chuckles] Principal Secretary, what I do is art.

I can't make art if I'm being restricted and told what to do.

Hmm. Very well, then.

Although unrelated, I suddenly feel inspired,

entirely on my own, to depict you

in a positive light in this year's musical.

Glad to hear it!

- [students cheer] - [Reggie] I wanna do a sci-fi show.

Oh, whoopsie!

It appears I've been leaning on the intercom button

- this whole time. - [Candle] ...And a huge budget.

[sighs] Great.

Now the whole school knows I'm writing a new musical

with an enormous budget!

So, what will this year's musical be about?

I...

Hmm...

[♪ slow piano music playing ♪]

I've got it! [panting excitedly]

- Helen. [gasps] - [knock on door]

We heard everything over the intercom.

- Can we see the money? - Can we help?

Here's the money, and I don't need help.

Look at me go! Clackety-clack. Clack.

I have so many great ideas.

I don't know how I'll pick just one.

This just says, “P.S. Not stingy.”

- [crashes] - [car alarm blaring]

Oh, don't wor...

- [cars crashing] - [car alarm blaring]

Don't worry, Helen.

I think you'll find us students are full of ideas.

[knock on door]

♪ Hey, Helen, I got a big idea A pitch about a kid ♪

♪ Who seems a little weird ♪

♪ But the musical shows he's a wonderful guy ♪

♪ And the scamp's popularity shoots sky-high ♪

I don't know who this one is. Is this Reggie?

No, this is Reggie.

♪ I think we gotta think a little differently ♪

♪ About a show about galactic intensity ♪

♪ It made be a little Star Star Throne Questy ♪

♪ But I checked we're fine on intellectual property ♪

♪ Wait, I figured it out, it’s a box office hit ♪

♪ We’ll make so many nuts, we’ll be rolling in it ♪

♪ It's got pop and a princess and it's set in high school ♪

♪ Market research says it's gonna be cool ♪

No. High school has, and never will be,

an interesting subject for a musical.

Oh, I think I have an idea.

♪ A-Peppa shake-ah Peppa shake-ah ♪

♪ Peppa shake-ah, peppa shake-ah Peppa shake-ah, Peppa shake-ah ♪

♪ Hey, Helen, I got a big idea ♪

♪ A pitch about a kid who seems a little weird ♪

♪ I think we gotta think a little differently ♪

♪ About a show about galactic intensity ♪

♪ Wait, I figured it out it’s a box office hit ♪

♪ We’ll make so many nuts, we’ll be rolling in it ♪

Ah! Enough! Enough! Out. Out!

- ♪ Peppa shake-ah, peppa shake-ah ♪ - Out!

[shouts]

I'm starting to worry about Helen....

Psst! Bar, I'm starting to worry about Helen.

Oh! If the musical doesn't work, then we won't be able

to do a musical next year.

[sighs] That's right!

P.S. will never give us a big budget ever again.

You both need to get out, too... Where's my typewriter?

Okay. Let us know if you need anything.

[Helen] Out. Out!...

Out!

[♪ angelic music playing ♪]

[sighs] Has the sun gotten brighter?

[♪ music concludes ♪]

[♪ mild tempo beat playing ♪]

[beat speeds up]

♪ I'm feeling ratty I'm feeling down ♪

♪ Don't like these kids who clown around ♪

♪ Don't want to work or talk to jerks ♪

♪ Just want the fame and the perks ♪

♪ I don't feel nice I don't feel nice ♪

♪ I don't feel... ♪ [shouts]

Helen, I just wanted to say I believe in you.

I am your principal,

and I fully understand the value of the arts.

I couldn't be more proud of you. I love you. [kisses]

P.S. away.

[sighs, groans]

[exhales] I don't understand.

I don't have a single good idea for this musical.

Perhaps you're not the multi-hyphenate

actress slash-writer-slash-director you thought you were.

What? No!

You should give up, loser!

[all] Boo!

Boo! Boo!

Boo!

Failure!

You're not as talented as you thought you were! Boo!

Loser!

Failure! You're a failure!

- Stop. Stop! Stop! - You are a failure.

[sobs] I can't do this.

[cries]

[Principal Secretary echoes] Helen! Helen! Helen! Helen?

Helen, wake up!

[snores] Uh. Uh. Huh? Oh!

Was that all just a terrible nightmare?

No, the musical is tonight!

- We have one day to rehearse! - We need the script!

- You have the script, right, Helen? - Uh.

Have you been asleep all this time?

[stammers goofily]

Well, it's time to see what you've got, Helen.

Hum. Yes, the show. Uh...

Here I go.

[breathes deeply]

♪ Everyone ♪

♪ Was counting on me ♪

♪ Waiting and waiting so patiently ♪

♪ To see what I've got ♪

♪ Well, I'll show them what I've got! ♪

♪ Nothing, I've got nothing I've got nothing to show ♪

♪ Thought I knew who I was ♪

♪ Now I really don't know ♪

♪ Nothing, I've got nothing I've got nothing to be ♪

♪ I got my big break ♪

♪ Failed spectacularly ♪

[cries]

[applause]

[audience member 1] Yeah!

[audience member 2] I love Helen!

[cheering continues]

♪ Helen, we have something to confess ♪

Uh, what?

♪ You cannot meet deadlines You don't deal well with stress ♪

I don't... What...?

♪ If only there was a way of showing ♪

Uh...

♪ The artist hard at work Without them knowing ♪

There is!

♪ Recreate their world in the form of a set ♪

♪ Then place them in when they're asleep in their bed ♪

♪ Get the best prosthetics artist in town ♪

♪ To make costumes of everybody around ♪

♪ And the special effects you thought were up in your head ♪

Uh... me?

♪ Well, that was all just Reggie working his tech ♪

♪ Helen we got something ♪

♪ We got something you should know ♪

♪ We knew there'd be drama ♪

♪ So we made it the show ♪

♪ We knew there'd be crying ♪

♪ We knew that you'd wail ♪

♪ But we also knew that there was ♪

♪ No way you'd fail ♪

♪ To bring all of the passion ♪

♪ And drama to sell ♪

♪ Tickets to next year's ♪

♪ Next year's ♪

♪ Big musical! ♪

[all cheering]

[♪ song concludes ♪]

What?!

[narrator] Brought to you by Jaw Chewers. Chew this for a whole new you.

[both] Daddy's Day! Daddy's Day! Daddy's Day! Daddy's Day!

[giggles]

[chews] Mm!

Ah, thank you, hon.

- Just what I wanted. - Here's my gift, Dad.

Thank you, Kiff. I've always wanted, uh... [hesitates]

It’s a jaw chewer.

You put this gadget in your mouth and chew.

It can help tone your jaw and get rid of those flabby jowls.

Thanks?

The salesman assured me this is a great gift for dads.

Jaw chewer, eh? [chomps]

- Hot. - Go, Dad.

[chewing] Thank you, Kif. Let's take this baby for a spin.

[grunting]

Are you serious?

Chubbles Wubbington wants another million

to star in my new movie, Jaw and Order?

I know, I know, he's the big star.

I just wish there was someone else we could cast.

But I'm not just gonna randomly stumble across

some perfect leading ma... an...

[brakes screech]

[♪ triumphant music playing ♪]

♪ Jaw ♪

Kenny, I have to call you back. I love you too.

[♪ upbeat ragtime music playing ♪]

I can't believe this is happening.

Well, believe it, kid. [grunts]

And this is just the start.

You got the sauce, Marty. I'm telling you. [grunts]

Kid, [chuckles] nothing is... [grunts] going to stop

your rise... [grunts] to the top.

[grunts]

Um, hey, Roy, what's going on?

Do you know what I like most about you, Marty?

You're not taking me for all I'm worth,

unlike some mailboxes that I know.

Do you like sparkling water, Marty, my boy?

Was I just replaced by a less expensive actor

with a sharper jaw?

Are you okay, Chubbles?

- No. - [♪ somber music playing ♪]

Who am I if I'm not acting?

Uh... I'm so sorry, Chubbles.

- Oh, it's okay, Kiff. - [♪ music concludes ♪]

It's not like you inadvertently caused all this.

[chuckles, sighs]

Uh, there's so much you can do, Chubbles.

The world is a big place filled with opportunity.

Hey, let me help you.

Hmm. Slim Pickins is looking for a new grocery cart wrangler.

[Chubbles] Look at me.

So young. So innocent.

Hey, is that Yes, Ancestor?

The show where celebrities learn all about their family tree?

Now, according to our research, you come from a long line

of mailbox men and women.

Yes, I do. My parents were disappointed

that I didn't follow in their footsteps.

I love acting, but sometimes I wonder... What if...

That's it! You can be a mailbox man!

Or a man mailbox... man.

A mail man... mail... mailman box?

You're right. I'm going to be a mailman box.

Just like my parents and my grandparents before me.

Look at you. A mailman box.

A mailbox who also delivers mail.

Thank you, Kiff. Look out, world.

Chubbles the mailman is a-comin'.

[grunts]

Guess who just gave Chubbles Wubbington a new lease on life?

Way to go, Kiff.

I'm proud of you for being so kind and understanding.

Here's your water, Mr. Chatterley.

[splutters] Oh, I'm sorry.

I guess I was talking to myself when I asked for sparkling water.

Does this water look sparkly to you?

Dad, it's not that big of a deal.

Kiff, please.

You're the daughter of a big star with a big jaw.

You deserve the best.

[director] Places, people!

Time to make magic, Jonathan.

- What? - I named my jaw Jonathan.

Oh, that's normal.

What's wrong with my dad?

Ah, this always happens with leading men.

His ego is almost the size of his jaw.

His really big jaw.

[Martin] What do you mean I'm supposed to memorize my lines?

People aren't buying tickets to hear words.

They come for the jaw!

Oh, no. Dad's turning into a real diva.

Well, I hope Chubbles' new job is going well at least.

[chuckles, sighs] Do... And sunshine's on my face.

[chuckles] Things are looking up, Chubbles.

[humming] Don't step on the cracks.

[humming, chuckles] What a tree.

[giggling]

Nice kids!

[humming]

Oh! [chuckles]

[grunts, chuckles] Ta-da!

[kisses]

I used to live here.

Who are you?

My name is Chubbles.

Chubbles? Chubbles who?

Chubbles Wubbington.

Who's Chubbles Wubbington?

[chuckles] Me.

I used to live here.

Can I have my mail, please?

Have a wonderful day.

Chubbles, how was your first day at work?

Mm, invigorating. I love this new life of mine.

I'm just a regular person delivering regular mail

to regular people.

Oh, that feels good to get off my regular shoulders.

It shouldn't feel good.

Your bag should be empty, not full of mail.

Okay, I don't understand.

I've been getting calls from all over town.

Nobody got their mail. You're fired.

[♪ somber music playing ♪]

I knew I was forgetting something.

This is gonna be fine.

We can find another job where you can be a regular guy.

Why? I hate being a regular guy.

I thought you were happy.

No, I'm not.

I wanted to love not being a famous movie star so badly.

But the truth is, I'm miserable.

I was just acting happy.

Acting.

Acting? [gasps] Don't you see?

You are an amazing actor. It's what you were born to do.

We've got to get you back into Jaw and Order.

But Roy hates me now.

How are we going to change his mind?

Leave that to me.

You're going to bribe Roy with a free boombox. Brilliant.

No, I'm going to sing a song.

Oh, really? W... Would that work?

Trust me. I've done this before.

What? No, I wasn't cutting corners.

Roy Fox?

I have something to say.

What's going on?

Does anyone have any batteries?

How many do you need?

Six double D?

As I was saying...

[♪ music begins playing ♪]

- [shouts] - [♪ boombox shuts off]

What the actual...

[sighs] Martin must be throwing another fit.

[grunts]

Don't look at me! I'm a monster!

What happened?

My jaw chewer broke. I tried to order a new one.

It was supposed to arrive in the mail today, but it never came.

I'm sorry, Martin, but you can't continue playing the lead.

Because his jaw is all loose and flabby?

Yes. And because Martin's obsession

with sparkling water is bankrupting the studio.

[laughs incredulously]

Eh... What can you do? Keep moving forward and whatnot.

I'm sorry, Dad. But good news is your ego is back to normal.

Come on. Let's go get you some regular non-sparkling water.

- Daddy's Day! Whoo! - Daddy's Day!

- Daddy's Day! Daddy's Day! - Daddy's Day! Daddy's Day!

- Daddy's Day! Daddy's Day! - I have no star! I'm ruined!

You already have a star.

He's been right in front of you this whole time.

Chubbles?

Y... You came back.

I was here the whole time.

[sobs]

I was wrong. Nobody can replace you!

No, Roy, I was wrong.

I'll settle for half a million nuts.

And a car. Your car.

Any car. You're my star, Chubbles.

It was always you.

I threw out Martin's jaw chewer.

It was me. Act like you don't know.

Oh, don't worry. I can act.

[chuckles] Yeah, you can.

[continues chuckling] Let's do it!

Whee!

I'm going to toss you up in the air now.

[chuckles] Oh, goodness.

I'm the Jaw... [grunts]

and I don't know about you, Order...

[groans] ...but I think this city... [grunts]

...could use a little Jaw and Order.

[grunts]

[men grunting]

[♪ end credit music playing ♪]

[♪ end credit music concludes ♪]