Original subtitles

Brought to you by Table Town Tribune.

After you read it, you can make something out of papier-mâché!

- It looks just like him. - Thanks.

Kiff, this must have taken you hours.

Eleven hours, but only the best for the founding father of Table Town.

Speaking of old men...

Oh, no, I gotta help him.

Oh! Thank you, young fella.

No problem, sir. Be safe.

Oh, no, Kiff, your project.

Eh, it's due tomorrow anyway.

I'll just make another one tonight.

What? Look at you with the perspective.

And then, Kiff ran into traffic and helped the old man,

and he said thank you, and the art project was destroyed,

but Kiff didn't even care, and...

...it was just the coolest thing I've ever seen.

- Whoa! Wow! - Wow! Yeah! Amazing.

Huh! Well, that is not, not cool.

Ah, it was no big deal. Helping people feels good.

No, it doesn't.

Huh?

Helping people doesn't feel good.

Kiff's just weird.

No, I'm not.

I'll prove it. I'll help an old person cross the street,

and I won't feel a thing.

I bet you'll feel good.

I'll feel nothing!

What about that guy?

Is he old?

Isn't he?

He dresses old.

I don’t know, everyone looks old to me.

Go, Reggie.

Excuse me, sir.

Do you need help crossing the street?

What? No. What are you implying?

Oh, sorry.

This is humiliating. I don't want to do this anymore.

Wait, look!

Oh, she is perfect.

Help her, Reggie.

Help her, and then tell us it doesn't feel good.

All right.

There you go.

Here.

Thank you, young man.

But what if I told you I wasn't an old lady?

Huh?

I'm actually an undercover journalist

looking for a feel-good human interest story.

Wait, what is happening?

So, do you do this a lot?

Help a complete stranger?

No, this was my first time.

Oh! I love it!

Oh. Sorry, kid.

Just trying to get a good shot of the hero.

Wow, Reggie's gonna be in the newspaper.

And his picture.

Wow, this turned out better

- than it could've turned out. - Can I get your autograph?

Huh!

Huh.

Honestly, I like this one even better.

Thanks, pal.

Okay, class. First up for today's historical heads assignment, Kiff.

Actually, I'm so sorry, Kiff, could you please

sit back down? I have something to say.

Sure.

Before we begin, our very own Reggie

is on the front page of today's Tribune,

and in doing so, is a role model to all of us.

Okay, Kiff, let's see that presentation.

For my project, I chose a personal hero of mine...

Reggie?

No, it's the founder of Table Town.

My project is made out of papier-mâché.

What's that?

It's newspaper and glue. My project is made out of...

Like the newspaper Reggie was in?

Yeah, but I...

All right!

I’m sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted to say that in honor of his heroic act,

I’m allowing Reggie to decide this week’s lunch menu.

Patty melt. Every day.

Mm! Patty melt. Yum! Thank you, Reggie.

Go ahead, Kiff.

Are you sure?

You don't need to pose for a statue or anything?

Kiff!

The world needs heroes, Kiff.

No, I just...

Sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted to let y'all know

that I named my favorite broom after Reggie.

Aw, who are we kidding? Kiff, you can sit back down.

We're not gonna get any work done today.

Let's keep talking about Reggie.

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

Hey, Kiff, you were right. This does feel pretty good.

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

You okay?

Yeah. I just feel weird.

Because you wanted to convince Reggie that helping people feels good,

and then he tried to prove you wrong, and now everyone thinks he's a hero?

Yeah.

Oh! BRB.

Excuse me, ma'am. Do you need help?

Oh, I'm actually waiting for Reggie.

Reggie?

Do you know him?

What? Yeah, I mean, of course I know Reggie.

I know Reggie. Everyone knows Reggie now.

Heck.

I mean, obviously, I didn't do it

'cause I want people to call me a hero, but still.

Oh, boy.

What?

Appearing for one night only, Table Town's newest motivational speaker,

it's Reggie! Signing copies of his new book,

Hero I Go Again.

Reggie will be donating portions of the proceeds

to his newly formed Reggie Foundation...

whose mission statement is to help even

the most cynical among us find their inner Reggie.

- I can't take it anymore. - What are you gonna do?

The only sensible thing I can.

And then you hide in that bush and film me

while we wait for Reggie to walk home from school.

But why?

We're gonna catch Reggie in his natural state

of inconsiderateness-is.

Okay.

After we get the footage, we'll run around the corner

and show the crowd that I've assembled.

Some kid told me there was gonna be free hot dogs.

Uh, yeah, me too. That's why we're all here.

Excuse me, ma'am. May I?

What is he doing? He's actually helping me?

So, uh, what news outlet are you with?

News outlet?

You're a reporter, right?

You're only helping me

because you think I'm a reporter?

Aren't you?

Wow! You're strong for an old lady.

Kiff! Where are you going?

Behold! Your hero who only helps people

because he thinks they're secretly disguised as reporters.

What, is she mad?

This is why you brought us here?

Yes! I mean, no.

Originally, I wanted to show him ignoring me,

but this is way worse, so I pivoted.

Wait, so you're not a reporter, but you are an old lady?

No, I'm...

I'm... I'm a kid disguised as an old lady.

But not a reporter?

No, but there is an actual reporter

that I invited to report on all this. Come here!

I'm actually an old lady!

What?

You think it's funny to dress up as an old lady

who's not disguised as a reporter?

No, I... I love old ladies disguised as reporters.

You don't know what love is!

- But Reggie... - Don't bring Reggie into this!

Where are the hot dogs?

Hiss!

Huh. I feel terrible.

Maybe I'm not the big-hearted person I think I am.

Can I have your attention, please?

I learned something very important today.

You shouldn't care if someone is helping people

for the wrong reason, you should just be glad

they're helping people. Mind your business.

Everyone already knows that!

You think you can win us over with your emotional growth?

Oh, we're booing again?

Come on, everyone.

There's hot dogs back at our retirement home.

My book deal fell apart.

Oh, thank you, my dear.

Hey, Kiff, that old lady you just helped...

Yeah?

...was she a reporter?

No, Reggie. No, she wasn't.

Brought to you by Widdle Chargies,

the credit card for kids!

- Whee! - Whee!

Hey, look, there's Darryn.

That kid's so sweet and shy.

Yeah, I've always wanted to get to know him better.

Same. I always find myself wondering what his whole deal is.

- Where's he going? - Like, to college?

No, no, right now. Is he walking towards us?

No, I think he's going to the jungle gym.

He's... He's coming towards us.

- Act curious. - I am curious.

- Kiff? Barry? - Hey, Darryn.

I came over to invite you both to dinner at Café Penguino.

Oh, with... with your family?

No, just the three of us.

I go out to dinner without my parents all the time.

I have a credit card.

- Whoa! - Whoa!

I use it regularly at Café Penguino.

- They know me there. - They do?

We barely know you here, and we see you every day.

Kiff!

Sorry, I'm just... color me surprised.

This is so cool, though.

Yeah, a kids-only dinner at Café Penguino?

My bucket list is rattling.

Darryn, good to see you.

The flambé is gorgeous tonight.

Thank you for the recommendation, Bríonne!

Good to see you, Darryn.

Darryn, my man.

Darryn, you around-town boy.

May we please have some kid menus and activity packs?

Just the adult menus.

Thank you, Robyn.

Where is that flambé?

No activity packs?

Okay, everybody, it's time for the birthday song.

- What's your name? - Rory.

Happy birthday!

My name is Birthday Brian.

- Whoa! - What a ding dang show!

Oh, look, the cone is the hat.

Yeah, that's called a 'Pingi the Clown.'

They give you one free on your birthday.

Birthday Brian is the preeminent birthday celebrator.

Everyone comes here for their fab fourteens.

Oh. Oh, I am coming for my fab fourteen.

I am coming here.

It's fun experiencing it fresh through your eyes.

Now, how about I order for us?

So, what do we do without activity packs?

Go look around?

Oh, we can't all leave the table. They'll think we've gone home.

The point of dinner is to have dinner and the conversation.

The conversation? Oh, uh, sure.

Barry and I have the conversation all the time.

My dad says there's no such thing as bad weather, only bad preparation.

What a great point.

Yeah, because it's not the heat that'll get you,

it's the humidity.

Barry, what's on your mind?

Well, I've always thought

that there are a lot of chairs in the world.

And there is a young teen who is going to the bathroom.

Interesting.

And now the same young teen,

in an obvious disguise, is returning and sitting

with a different group of people.

This I've noticed.

Wait, that actually is interesting.

Why is that young teen having two dinners at once?

- That seems suspicious. - It is?

That's other people's business.

Juicy business.

My parents always say,

'Big people make small talk, but small people gossip.'

We should just keep conversing about matters of...

Wow! Birthday Brian sure is earning his paycheck tonight.

This disguise drama is too juicy to ignore.

I agree.

We're gonna have to run our investigation

right under Darryn's lovely but very mature nose.

Were you two under the table?

- Yes. - No.

- Yes. - No.

- Maybe. - Yes.

It's a common meeting place for kids in restaurants.

Oh.

Waiter! Shoot, Darryn, we have to pee,

but you gotta hear what Darryn's dad said about weather.

Sure, I'd love to.

It was just that, often people think heat is the problem,

but on most hot days...

I bet this is the last birthday Tracey will celebrate

with us for a while.

I know, and she's spending half the night in the bathroom.

It's her birthday?

Nothing wrong with that, but what are you doing

at your other table, birthday girl?

Yeah, because it's not the heat that'll get you,

it's the humidity.

O-M-G, stop. It's gonna work, Tray.

Two birthdays in one night.

Another birthday?

This young teen is trying to get two birthday celebrations.

She wants double free Pingi the Clowns?

She's cheating the system and taking advantage

of Café Penguino.

Mm, there's a lot of birthdays tonight.

How many times can Brian sing that song?

His record is seven, but tonight I think it's gonna be eight.

No. Oh, that's too many.

That's how we lost our last Birthday Brian.

Oh, I remember.

Tray is gonna break Birthday Brian.

We have to tell someone.

I know, but Darryn doesn't want us to spread gossip.

This isn't gossip, this is a crime!

Ah, my dinner companions return.

Darryn, you have to call the manager over.

The Maître D'?

- Huh? - They're called Maître D's.

Yes, please call Major Dee over immediately.

Are you sure?

Usually one only does that when there's a...

problem.

Oh, there is a problem.

Hey. Hi! Over here!

- She’s running in and out... - We're having the conversation.

...but she’s two people. Every time the waiter comes in,

- it’s the same person. - So Barry noticed...

- We snuck away from our table... - ...he's observant.

- ...hid under tables and heard it all. - Saw someone go

- to the bathroom, disguised. - Sort of cool,

- but Birthday Brian... - There's two birthdays...

- Hats as cones? - How could it be cool

when it's so clearly not cool.

I can't stand when children talk like this.

It just sounds like noise.

Wait! I don't think you listened

to what my dining colleagues were trying to communicate.

There's a patron at the establishment

this evening participating in birthday embezzlement.

Man, that’s fast.

- What's your name? - Tracey.

- Tracey? For shame! - Tracey? For shame!

You're banned.

But next year is my fab fourteen.

You're banned for 364 days.

Oh. Okay.

Darryn, we thought you were too well-behaved

to get involved with all the shenanigans

that go with criminal exposés.

I thought so too, but then I saw Tracey

grinning like a thief and pumping her fists.

Yeah, that was crazy.

Well, I just wish I'd been more brave.

You know, helping uncover the crime, meeting under tables, running around.

I'm good with grown-ups, just not so great with kid stuff...

shenanigans. But I... wish I were.

Oh, Darryn. I had no idea.

Neither did I.

For your service to Café Penguino,

this belongs to you.

- No! - No, no, Brian!

Just the Pingi the Clown will be fine.

You got it. And thank you.

Wait. I have an idea.

This is so nice

because today is my birthday.

- What? - What? Darryn, you didn’t tell us!

Aw, well, happy birthday you... you big old, tall

what-are-you-doing-over-there!

- The cone is the hat! - The cone is the hat!