Original subtitles

THE HAREM

Come on, wake up. Wake up, darling

What's wrong with these animals?

Gianni, I need to talk to you

- What's the matter? - I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind

I don't want to marry you anymore

- Then I'll marry you - I'm serious

- I don't want to marry you - Fine. Now come here

- Let's make love - Yes. But I don't want to get married

Everything has been booked - church, honeymoon, reception at the Hilton

Are you saying I should marry you because the Hilton has been booked?

What you do with your life is your decision...

...but I want to know why you waited until now...

...7:14 am on our wedding day...

...to tell me you don't want to get married

Cuffs, please. Why shouldn't we get married?

Because I'm scared

I'd like to, because I really don't want to upset you

But my fear is stronger

Sorry, but I can't do it

This is madness!

I can already picture the headline...

..."High-profile businessman dumped by fianc�e on his wedding day"

Are you afraid you won't be able to be faithful to me?

No, on the contrary

I'd be too faithful

I'd only think about you. I'd worry about you

I'd take care of you, to the point of losing my identity...

...and becoming nothing other than your possession

Eventually we'd grow tired of each other

- And who could blame us? - We've already covered this subject

You'll carry on working

We'll decide together when to have kids

Until then we'll carry on as we're doing now, using the pill

No... Why don't we carry on as we are now?

No ceremony, honeymoon or reception at the Hilton

Just imagine - today we could spend the whole day together

Come on, we have so much free time

No, listen

Marry me

Then if in four months or a year you don't feel happy...

...we will separate. If you want, I can put it in writing

Come on, let's get married Margherita

I'm sorry, darling. But I can't

OK. Let's end this, then

Are you absolutely positive?

In that case, it's not you who is dumping me

It's me who is breaking up with you

You'll realise that it's going to be much worse for you than for me

Hello, is the professor there? Wake him up, it's urgent

It's Invernizza speaking.

Hello? I can't go into detail right now...

...but I have changed my mind

I'm not getting married. I don't want to get trapped in

No, I haven't told her yet

Anyway, the official excuse is that I'm ill

I don't know! You think of something! Appendicitis, peritonitis...

Send an ambulance to my house in an hour

Just make sure you send an ambulance

It has to be very loud so that everybody can hear that they're taking me away

OK. See you at the clinic. Bye

And remember, my dear...

...that a woman can only find fulfilment in marriage, family and kids

Have you been drinking?

Come in

So, no wedding?

No... But I do love him

It's just that I'm confused

And scared

I don't care

I'm almost happy. I don't like that Gianni

Would you like some tomato juice?

I'm sorry, but you should have made up your mind sooner...

...not on your wedding day. Salt or pepper?

Why do you eat these nice, colourful puddings every morning?

Because they're low in calories

Plus, I love colours

I don't want to be anybody's property

Three kilometres in the snow, idiot

- The lady has managed to get here - She must be better than me, then

- Hello, dear! How are you? - Hi, Gaetano

You don't like this house, right?

Yes, it's a bit weird. Lucky your mother didn't come...

...or God knows what she'd have told me!

No, it's not that I don't like it. On the contrary, I find it very original

You know I'm not here to see the house

Any news from your fianc�? How are you doing?

Why do you care so much about him?

It's you I care about, not him. You shouldn't feel guilty

You've done the right thing. Women have to defend their freedom

And modern men must understand that women, in spite of appearance...

...are still the most fragile and defenceless beings

We have to help them to break out of their chains...

...to be independent, to follow their instinct and true aspirations

I'm sorry. I'm pedantic, but the subject fascinates me

Carry on. It's not easy to find a man who speaks like you

Mind you, I don't speak like this to other women

Let's go and eat something. We'll warm up

As you wish

- What time did you get here? - At 7:00

Poor you

It's snowing, you know?

Darling, it's snowing

My hair is driving me mad!

- Which one is Gianni? - The bald one

- And the other one? - That's Mike

A bit bonkers, but quite a nice guy

One day he left for Kenya. God knows where he is now

In other words, your little emotional graveyard

Can we consider them dead?

No... They're both alive

How soft!

I'd love to have my little place too

You never know

Come here, Gaetano

Let's have a romantic dinner

Here. Let's turn the chair towards the window

Come and sit down

I'm in love, Margherita

Madly in love

You realised that, didn't you?

Yes, I did

- And you? - Me?

I don't know

It's too early to think about that again

You're nice...

...kind...

...you've helped me through rough times

I'm nice, I'm kind and I'm very comforting

Is that all, Margherita?

No, I also like you... very much

No violence

You said you would help me break centuries-old chains and barriers

You're contradicting yourself, my dear lawyer

You're right, I'm sorry

I don't know what happened to me

But I kept telling myself, "Calm down...

..."you don't have any right to violate her personality, she needs sweetness"

Now you're exaggerating

Don't be silly, Gaetano. You're great

I want to go away

I love it when you pull this childlike face

Look

I am childish

You are childish

We're all childish

Who's throwing darts?

Mike! How crazy! I'm so happy to see you again!

You're such a fool. You could have killed me!

It's a present for you

The cheetah's name is Jack

- But he doesn't know - Take him away or I won't come out

How crazy to bring a wild animal here!

It's just a baby cub...

...and I've taken out all his teeth

Are you absolutely sure he's harmless?

Come on, open up, Margherita

OK, I'll open the door

Mike, how wonderful!

- What happened to your eye? - I've lost it

How silly!

- Let's have a look! - No, what are you doing?

- Why are you undressing me? - I want to see your whole body

No, let me cover up, I'm cold. What do you want?

Here. Stand still

- But why? - I want to take a picture of you

Are you a photographer now?

200 different Margheritas

The Lady from Shanghai

- And now... let's go to bed! - No!

Three days of travelling, five planes...

...and a taxi to get here

No! Not with that beast in here. No!

Unless you attack him, he's harmless

I'm scared anyway

Be good, Jack

I'm sleepy. I want to have a really good sleep

No, you can't stay here

- Why not? - I'll take you to a hotel

A hotel?

What nonsense. Hotels drive me mad

- I want to stay here - No

Either you go to a hotel or to Ren�'s house

And take your cat with you, because I don't want him

You don't want me anymore?

I understand now. You married Gianni, that fat guy

I'm not prejudiced. You didn't get married?

So, we can still make love

Yes, but not now. Get up

I'm staying here, Margherita

- Jack, we're staying here - No. You are going!

- What are you doing? - Do you like them?

They suit you

Beautiful

Don't be silly

- Go and get the car - Yes, boss!

Nice guy, this Mike. He goes hunting in Kenya...

...dances, plays the drums and knows a lot of back girls

- Ugo Tognazzi! - Yes

Pleased to meet you

Thanks

He's the sexiest Italian actor

I don't find him that sexy

You see? The blackmail has already started

- What blackmail? - The emotional blackmail

You had a long face all night. And all because of Mike

Where's your understanding? Your generosity?

Now you accuse me of being jealous. I know I don't have rights on you, but...

May I?

- Margherita! - It suits you

- It suits her more than you - Let's go. The car's here

Sir, the car's waiting at the door

- Thanks, Mike - You're welcome

Listen, why don't we take Mike home first?

I'd love to be alone with you

No, Gaetano. I'm tired

I'd like to go to bed. Plus, Mike lives with Ren�

Let's go

- Why does he have to live there? - How nice!

So...

...let's see if I can help you make things clear once and for all

You always say you're cold, but then you don't put enough clothes on

You're such a darling

How can this be possible?

A woman like you - intelligent, independent...

...with great clearness of mind ...

...doesn't know what she wants when it comes to feelings

I don't know. Do you?

At least I don't annoy you all the time with my problems

Are you really annoyed that I keep asking you for advice?

No, but at least I'd like you to put it into practice

- What are you doing? - Nothing

No! Why are you cutting them up?

To make an identikit...

...of your ideal man

Come here

Look carefully

I've divided it up equally from the faces of three men... your men

Forehead, eyes and nose - sensuality

Mouth, chin and neck - determination. Do you agree? OK

Now, let's try it with these segments of Gianni, Mike and Gaetano

Your ideal man. Like this, this, and this

What do you think? Don't you like it?

I suggest we take out this big nose

You haven't understood anything

I don't want an ideal man. I want them

Then why don't you carry on as you've done so far?

A bit of hypocrisy, a bit of discretion

A lot of women do that

But why should I be hypocritical with them?

I respect them. I don't want to deceive them

But now I can't give any of them up

Not Gianni, not Gaetano nor Mike

So, what you want is... a harem

That's it. Wait a second

Ren�... I'd hoped you would understand me

A harem

You think sex can solve everything

Right

- Bye - Have you decided where to go?

- To Yugoslavia, for two weeks - Have a nice holiday

- And enjoy yourself - I'll try to

Have I done the right thing by leaving? Jack, stop it!

Do you think that I can solve my problems by running away?

You're not running away. Don't exaggerate

Think of it as a little holiday

It's easier to think straight in a new environment. Plus, you'll have some rest

- Do you ever work? - In theory I work in public relations

But if I'm busy with your private relations...

So you're my eunuch

What I don't understand is why you want to go all the way to Yugoslavia

I've heard that Dubrovnik is beautiful

And at this time of year it's warm and sunny

- We'll swim a lot - Yeah, in January?

How nice! Come on, get out!

Let's go

It looks like taking a holiday wasn't the right therapy after all

Maybe you're not the right doctor for me

And who would you need?

You don't want to tell me, do you?

You'd need all three of them waiting on you

Why don't you invite them over? I'm serious

Call them. You just need to send a telegram...

...and I bet they'll come running!

- The exchange is one to two - Listen...

...it's better if you accept the situation. We've both received a telegram

So we're even

- Where are the taxis? - At the exit

Thanks. By the way, I'm very calm

Are you free?

Can you take us to this address?

Very modern

- A 60-metre concrete vault - A big factory

- Come and visit me - Many thanks

- Is the taxi ready? - This way, sir

- Is Tristeno part of Dubrovnik? - Yes

- That way - Are there any good restaurants?

Excuse me, which villa is it?

Margherita, they're here. They've all arrived at the same time

OK, go and greet them

- Where's the ammonia? - Don't tell them I sent the telegrams!

No, don't worry. Don't say a word, just that I'm ill

Margherita has always been a bit strange

Nice place

We're not alone anymore. There's three of us now

- How are you? - Not too bad

- Did you have a nice trip? - Yes, thanks

- Who's this gentleman? - Of course! You two haven't met before

Gaetano Mattia di Fucill�, lawyer

Gianni Invernizza, engineer

Nice to meet you

- Margherita has told me about you - She's told me about you too

Your mother is a friend of Margherita's right?

Margherita is my friend. I like to take care of my friends personally...

...not through my mother - Let's try to keep calm

If Margherita has summoned the three of us here, she must be really ill

Must be

To be honest, I'd rather be here on my own...

...but I would never forbid anybody from seeing Margherita

I'm sorry, I am not aware of your feelings for Margherita...

...and I don't want to disclose mine...

...but we shouldn't go up to her on a war footing

You're right, Gaetano

OK. After you

- After you - No, I insist

Sniff this

My God! What's going to happen?

- It's a nice villa - It's not the best time to talk about it

- Where's Margherita? - She's upstairs, resting. Speak quietly

I hope that animal didn't make her ill

- Who knows - Follow me, but be quiet

After all, it comes from the jungle, and the jungle is contaminated

What's wrong with her?

- She arrived here feeling dizzy... - She's certain it's serious?

Of course That's why she sent the telegrams

Why did she come to Yugoslavia? I bet it was your idea

Me? She dragged me here It's you. It's all your fault

- After you - No, please, after you

Margherita, I have a surprise. Look who's here to see you

How kind of you

Hi, how are you?

Don't worry. We're here now

Come on, Margherita. Aren't you happy to see us?

I feel so ashamed

But why?

Because...

...I forced the three of you to come here all together

But I really needed you

Margherita, don't worry about that

It's nonsense

- Am I right? - He's right

See? We've become friends

Even Gianni and Gaetano

- It was quite funny - Oh, I do apologise

We were all on the same flight but we didn't see each other

I met Michael at the airport, when I arrived. Gianni was already here

You said you are friends but you speak so formally to each other

Sometimes we get it wrong, but...

...look

My dear old friend, Gaetano

My dear Gianni. See?

We all like each other. Isn't that so, Mike?

If it was true, I'd love to get better...

...and be with all of you without any issues

Where's Ren�?

My dear Ren�

So sweet, so lovely

If you could be friends for real, I know I'd get better straight away

- Are you all right? - If I could have all of you around me...

...in harmony as you are now

- Wouldn't that be great? - Of course. We're staying

Of course. Now we know what we have to do

What a wonderful holiday we could spend all together

Don't you think so, Gaetano?

Of course

It would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

Everything you want, Margherita. But don't tire yourself

But then why the long faces?

I am so happy

Aren't you happy?

Here I am, miraculously cured!

Gentlemen, she's been pulling our legs

She's done a good job

And you were a party to this. We'll talk again about this!

- I'm not responsible for this - We'll see!

What if I had called you to explain myself?

Yes, but you should have at least called us individually

Come on. Don't look at me like that

- You tricked us - It's true, I lied to you

But just to get you here

I missed you and...

No! It's ammonia! Don't breathe in, there's ammonia in it!

- Don't touch me! - Throw it away!

- Murderer! - He needs water

- How much was there? - Quite a lot

- It's all right - Here's some water

- Wash your eyes - Do you think it will be enough?

You'll feel better straight away

- It's partly my fault - Don't be ridiculous...

- Don't worry, it's just fumes ...I shouldn't have left it there

Let's go back to the hotel

What about you, Mike? Are you staying here?

Maybe she's right, or maybe not. I want to try and understand

- So I'll stay - Of course he wants to stay

He's a pervert

My case

- Are you sure, Mike? - Let's go to the hotel

Yes, I'm staying

Don't mix with scum

Well, now that we're alone...

...what are we going to do? - You have to go as well

Either all or none

First you invite me, then you chuck me out?

I don't want to go

It wouldn't be such a bad idea to stay here on holiday for a couple of days

Yes, it might be nice

- I was about to marry her, you know? - Really? What happened?

I changed my mind at the last minute

So, when did you meet her?

It was through my mother, I didn't...

I'm not saying I'm a mummy's boy, on the contrary...

...but you know mothers - they want to see you settled

She said she was an intelligent girl...

...and quite pretty, so why not marrying her?

You know what mothers can be like

- Margherita chucked me out - He's back

She said either all or none

What is he doing here?

I'll come around

- What about women? - I don't care anymore. Cheers, to us!

To us!

I must say, there's one thing I like about Margherita

Her honesty

- The lawyer is appealing to the court - 16 degrees!

Maybe "honesty" is not the right word

Maybe I should say "loyalty". Another woman in her place...

...would have stayed in Rome and cheated on us three at the same time

- Instead, she ran away and confessed - So we're cuckolded and happy

Why do you have to say "cuckolded"? It's an obsession

What are you trying to say?

I want to take some of these bottles back to Italy

It's very simple

Margherita wants the three of us

Did you hear that? According to this immoral person...

...a woman can love three men at the same time

Where's our fried fish?

Yes, because in a matriarchal society...

That's rubbish! I have been to university too, you know?

The idea of matriarchy makes me laugh

Women are biologically inferior to men

- Do you know what Plato said? - No

Or maybe it was Rousseau, I can't remember now

"The ideal family, and therefore the ideal society...

..."should be based on the freedom of the husband...

..."and the subjection of the wife"

- Our sardines! - The service in here is awful

I don't understand why tourists come here to Dubrovnik and spend so much

Yes, it's a nice city

- But it's similar to Venice - Is this a scale?

Italian! Please, weigh yourselves

- 100 kg - That's impossible

- Are you drunk? - The scale is right

- The scale is precise, it doesn't lie - Put it on 80 kg

- How are you? - I've tried a new great restaurant

I've eaten really nice fresh fish

Ask him where we can find prostitutes

- 90 kg. That's right - Good

This is Mr Fucill�, a friend of mine from Rome

Many thanks

So, goodbye

You're crazy

- Why? - How do we find them now?

- Oh, please! - They must be somewhere

I don't know the guy, I can't just ask things like that.

I don't want to find prostitutes, I want to go to bed. We're leaving tomorrow

Is that Ren�?

I don't want anything to do with you or Margherita. Bye

- Come on, Renato - What do you want?

Don't go away. Stay with us

- Renato, come here - Come on, Renato

I don't want anything to do with your Margherita

You mean "your", not "our" Margherita

- What happened? - That wicked woman. It's your fault

- Did Margherita do that? - Who else?

- If you keep laughing, I'm going - No, wait

If she'd thrown that stone a bit harder, she would have killed me

- But where's Margherita? - I'll take you there

Drink up

Give me the bottle

- I want some, too - Who did that? Margherita?

I suggest we go there and say hello as friends

Just to be polite Do you agree, Gianni?

- He's right - Yes, why not?

We'll say hello, as if nothing happened, then we'll leave

I agree, but let's be very cold

- Yes, as cold as ice - That will teach her

Young lad, do you like Margherita too?

Margherita, do you like this lad?

Our flight is tomorrow morning

We've lost Margherita...

...and we've found plum brandy

As we said, our plane only leaves tomorrow morning

Didn't you find anything better?

We're not drunk

- It's a souvenir, right Mike? - Yes

Ren�, join us!

Wait

- Ren�! - Here, Gianni. Drink up

Listen, Ren�. Make an effort. Say hello to her

Come on, let's go. Come

Margherita, look what you've done to him

Poor Ren�

If it wasn't for them, I would have reported you

You'll pay for this, sooner or later

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you

Right on the temple

I'm going back to Rome with them

- Good bye - Good luck. Bye

No, wait. Let's stay a bit longer

- Wait - We'll listen to some music

- I'm tired, I have to go back to the hotel - No hotel

Gianni, no. We're not leaving

Margherita, taste this brandy. It's made with plums

Thank you

- Ren�... - Drink with us. Drink

Drink some more

- Thanks - Mind you, this isn't a reconciliation

- Isn't that right, Gaetano? - Absolutely

- We're just friends - OK, Gianni. As you wish

Here you are, Ren�

Margherita, I'll forgive everything

Can we make a fresh start?

Margherita, I may be crazy but I cannot leave without you

Do you know that those two wanted to look for prostitutes?

But I said no

I am different

Listen, I'll close down the factory and sell everything

We'll travel around the world, just the two of us

I'm going to marry you, Margherita. I need you

Where are we going?

Come on, wake up!

Come on, wake up, guys. We're here

"Here" where?

Don't touch me, Margherita. Gianni, help me

A sportsman like you, tired already!

Look at me. I am a businessman but I'm fine

Today's sportsmen are different

Mike, Gaetano. Let's make this clear

I didn't object to coming here, but there was one condition

From now on the three of us must respect Margherita

We're here as friends

Do we agree?

- Yes - OK

- He rebuked you, eh? - Let's go in!

Come on, Mike, wake up

Come on, wake up, Mike

Instead of staying here why don't you go and sleep in your bedroom? It's ready

Here, this is for you

No, Mike... l'm tired

If you don't want to make love, why did you wake me up?

Tell me

Why did you make love to Gianni this morning? I saw you

I don't know

Because he's nice, kind...

...and he still talks about marrying me

So what? I was the first one

Your first love

You can never forget your first love

Come on! You know you like it

Wake up

Close the shutters, please

No, you have to wake up

We have to make love

- You have the same rights - What?

- It's beautiful here - Do you like this?

It smells great! It's butter

- Pepper? - No

It feels like spring over here

Listen, where are Margherita and Gaetano?

They're coming. You're lucky you could sleep

I had to go shopping and rush through the housework

- Don't you have a maid? - In the morning, just for cleaning

But now you're here it's not enough anymore

- I'll have to solve the problem - Come on

We'll see

Are you going to stay?

Maybe

For a couple of days

It's a nice place and the food is great

I don't see why we should go

Plus, Mummy Ren� takes care of everything

What do you think, Mike? Shall we stay for a few days?

I'm OK with that. I'd already said that I would stay

How cute! If only the Americans could see him. It's like Walt Disney!

- Beautiful - Good morning, dears!

- Good morning - Did you sleep well? Here you are

What does this mean?

What kind of joke is this?

Can you pass me the butter, please?

Thanks

I am immoral

You are immoral

And he is immoral

I'm sorry but I still don't understand

You, my dear...

...yesterday morning on the beach. Method - sweetness

That's right

You, in the villa

Method - violence

Me, in my bed, taken advantage of

Not bad

We're missing a sign. Give me the pen

You know what I'm going to write?

"Bitch"!

I am an amoral...

...not an immoral

Let me remind you that we had a deal

- Do you remember? - No

I'm sorry but I didn't break the deal

I have been taken advantage of

We're only men. We can't resist temptations

She should have respected us, in this case

Plus, I was drunk last night

I really don't understand. What does she want?

Do you know?

She wants all of us at her service

At any time

So she can take from each of us what she wants

That's it

We shouldn't even be discussing this! She's a mad visionary

As far as I'm concerned, I don't understand jealousy

And I think you are nice people to be around

- I'm coming! - Have you seen my friends?

- They're in the garden - What are they doing in the garden?

Can I ask you what this is all about?

It's your harem, princess

I don't want a harem

And I don't want to have to choose either. I want to be chosen and loved

But that's impossible. We have already decided to be your slaves, am I right?

Do you want to play harem? Very well

- Sit down, princess - Let's play harem

Please sit down, princess

Spanish slave, the veil

Lift up the veil

Let our princess sit

- Careful, please - Be gentle

Shall we lift up the stretcher now?

Slowly!

Ren�, please help me carry the princess

I can't! I am her eunuch!

- Let's go, slaves - Take him away

We're taking Madam Susanna for a swim

Careful down the steps

Who had this brilliant idea? Damn it!

I even have to be a porter now!

Place the princess over there, quick!

Good. The black slave here. You...

Come closer. Quick

Careful

Princess, may I introduce to you your slaves?

Eunuch, you can introduce the harem

Thank you

The slave from Nubia

Very faithful

Extremely strong

Come on, get up

Great stallion. Extraordinary muscles. Good at everything

Spanish soldier. Taken prisoner in Lepanto. Kneel down! He's worth a lot

He can read, write and... his teeth are healthy

- Back away on your knees - Stop it

Come on, enough of this farce

And now the best specimen - the Puritan. He didn't want to undress

Come on, introduce yourself to the lady

Panic flute

And now you can choose

The slave from Nubia

The Spanish soldier

The Puritan

They're all equals to me

Leave me alone

I'll make my choice when I feel ready

I don't understand what's so funny about it

She has to have fun, not us

No wonder, just look at her

Very romantic indeed

Very romantic

I am Gaetano's mother. The landlady's friend

Signorina Margherita. Italian. Sick

Yes, Margherita. Italian. In the garden

Take this off now. The light's beautiful

We'll take lots of pictures and send them to "Playboy"

My God!

That's not my son!

How awful!

Maid, take me to see my son...

...Mattia de Fucill�

No, hair down. Like this

That's it. Don't bite me, little cat

Naughty cat

Here you are

- This is your son's room - Leave us alone, please

Oh, my God! What's the matter?

You ask me that! What kind of man are you?

Mum, what are you doing here?

It's a disgrace! Don't say a word!

Thank God your father is dead

Yes, but you can't judge me like...

Get dressed!

Oh, my God. I don't feel well

Mum, calm down

You can't judge me like this, without letting me explain

You liked Margherita and Ren� so much

Mum, what's wrong? Come on, Mum

You'll end up making me cry too

Please

It's good, isn't it? Wouldn't you like to eat it?

Get your tongue off. This is not mould, you know

It's seasoned

Now the only problem is transporting it

It's a rarity. We don't have this kind of ham in Italy

If you add tax, you end up paying as much as you would for a Parma ham

San Daniele ham is the same price

I'm pleased to see you again

- He hasn't done anything - Yes, he has

- Everybody is a pervert in this house - Mum

Calm down. I'll explain you later

Mum, calm down, please

What's wrong, Mum?

The car is just outside. Can you walk?

- Who is she? - His mother

His poor mother

Who called her here?

Oh, dear

- Are you talking about Gianni? - Yes

Let's go and get some fresh air

Gianni is her uncle

He has nothing to do with this. Why do you think I accept this situation?

Because you're madly in love with her

No, it's because Margherita is cheating on the photographer with me

You don't know anything. Put this on, it's cold

You must look after yourself

This is how things went

Mike was Margherita's first love

He came back after I met her, and he wanted to get back with her

Do you understand now, Mum?

I'll spend three or four days here

I need a holiday every now and then, don't you think?

Be careful, son

Yes, don't worry

- Only passengers on board - Yes, thank you

- Bye, Mum - Bye-bye. Take care

- No visitors on board - Have a safe trip

Gaetano, promise me you'll never marry that woman

Yes, Mum. Yes, bye. I promise you

His mother came here thinking she would find her son engaged

Or almost. If it had been your mum...

...can you imagine it?

My mother is dead

I think you're making a big deal out of nothing

Stop acting dumb

I consider Gaetano's mum as my own

- As our own - True

Where's your mother?

- She left - What?

You let her go on her own?

- What else could I do? - Take this

She doesn't want to know about me anymore. She left cursing me

Poor woman

- Where's Margherita? - She's upstairs

Don't be too harsh with her. She's devastated

She didn't even want to eat

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room. I'm very tired

We should all leave

Do you realise how terrible this situation is?

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother...

...and hold fast to his wife...

...and they shall become one flesh

We have made a mistake. Poor woman

Why did she have to come here?

- Can I switch the light on? - If you want to

"The Triumph of Death", by D'Annunzio

Giorgio Rispa is madly in love with lppolita...

... a woman he has shaped to meet his requirements...

... and suit his needs

The dissatisfaction of this relationship is slowly consuming their lives

Only isolation and contact with nature...

And contact with nature...

... give way to feelings of regret...

... while the mystic aspirations...

... can't relieve the pain...

... caused by a string of sins, until death puts an end to it

This is how she appeared

A strong, intelligent courtesan who was inspired by grace

Wonderful in her voluptuous aura

Although she may appear to me in many different ways...

... her shape is outlined by my desire...

... and her shadows are produced by my thoughts

The way she appears to me every moment...

It's worse than a Hitchcock film

There isn't a law that regulates the sale of these pills yet

- Thanks anyway - I understand but... l'm sorry

Margherita, you should have seen it! I've been attacked by...

I'm not talking to you after what you've done

No, Margherita, listen. I explained to you why I've done it

I thought you'd appreciate it

Why don't you want to accept it as a sign of love? I'll take my responsibilities

Close that umbrella. Can't you see that it's not raining anymore?

You shouldn't have thrown away my pills

They belonged to me

I want a baby from you

Ah, very well!

What's going to happen when the baby is born?

Who is going to keep it? Me or you? Can you tell me?

What do you mean? We'll get married

Can't you take this as a sign of love?

How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to get married?

Margherita, don't you think you're being too repetitive?

Stop it! I don't want to hear you!

Go away!

- Where did you leave our friend Gianni? - In town

- Did you find the pills? - They don't have them here

Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find some tomorrow

There she is. The superior woman

Without the pill she's lost

No more equality of the sexes, right?

We're back to the time of cavemen

- And the ancestral fear is back - Very good, Mike

Of course I'm scared. Because you are irresponsible people

It's the one who threw the boxes away

Gianni, come here

What's wrong?

What have you done to the lady?

Me? Nothing

He wanted a baby, can you imagine?

Margherita, please

I really can't understand you, Gianni

Can't you see?

Conceiving babies in this situation! Who'd be the father?

Nothing happened

I don't even want a baby

We'd have sorted the paternity issue in alphabetical order

The first baby would be Gaetano's... G-A

The second Gianni's... G-I

The third Mike's... M-I

The fourth, strange as it may seem, would be Ren�'s

Leave me out of it, please

So you all think that my main aspiration is to have a baby from you?

You're just selfish and arrogant men

Let's be nice to this poor woman, let's give her a baby

So she'll feel happy, content

She'll believe she's become important

And let's also tell her that we're letting her raise our child

Making sure to stress the word "our"

She's even rebelling against the laws of biology

It was a great idea to throw the pills all over the place!

Gaetano, please, stop complaining

I'm cold and angry

When I throw things away, I throw things away

- Hey, are you not joining us? - No, I'm not going to play this silly game

I won't join you full stop

There's no more respect

You even trample on maternal feelings in order to achieve what you want

And now you're bringing babies into this

I disagree. And I won't allow you to make fun of sacred things

Come on. You're mad

Mike, have you found anything?

I've found two

See? With a bit of patience... He's found two

Hey, look what he's eating

What are you doing? Are you eating the pills? Open your mouth!

No, he's not eating the pills

Oh, look at this. Ouch! Stupid... Mike!

Come in. The film screening today is "Naked Curves"

You're not the only diva here. You have competition. Look

You know, the job of a photographer is great

It's good fun

You obviously have to find nice and interesting subjects

Margheritina, you're in the way. You're not see-through. Please, move

Next one?

- Take that insect off - It's a friend of mine

- Do you recognise it? - It's the desert

What is it then?

- Our Margherita - No way!

It's amazing what you can do with photography

Close the door

Mount Margherita

And now I'll show you a lady from Hamburg

I'll be the screen. Project the photo on my jumper

- That's it - Here you go

You can't fish when the sea's rough

Who said that? I've caught one, haven't I?

Madam wants to see you Come on, chop chop!

This place is not a harem. It's worse than the barracks

All done

Fancy a drink, Margherita?

The others will be right here

- Do you want some, Gaetano? - Yes, please

Why did you call them up? I didn't ask you to

You didn't...

...but you complain about being lonely

We need to be four bodies and one mind - yours

A rare specimen because it's the only one

- Fishermen... - Nice rifle. Did you buy it?

So, we'll all go hunting tomorrow

- Stop it - Look at them

Very good. You're planning to go hunting while the lady suffers from loneliness

I'm not suffering from anything

I know that real friendship is between men

I've introduced you, you became friends

- Now I can leave - What would we do without you?

Women are impossible to understand

She was the one who gathered us here...

...but now she's jealous of our friendship

So...

You are very confused. You can't decide, actually you don't want to decide

But the game is getting dangerous

Careful, because they will make all the decisions for you

- Can you tell me how it will end up? - No?

- Women... l'll never understand them - She got bored of us

I'm speaking for myself. But what do you think?

Margherita is not in town

Nor at the hotel. I don't know where to look for her anymore

When she feels like it, she'll come back

- I'm going to eat. I'm hungry - Me too

Here's your coffee

Wake up! Coffee time

- Coffee anybody? Gianni? - Yes, please

Hi, Margherita. We've been waiting for you for hours

- Coffee? - I'm leaving

You're leaving?

- She's leaving? - She's leaving

The lady does as she pleases

I won't ask you where you've been

I don't have the right to do it, but they are fuming

I couldn't stand it any longer

But you have to understand them. They spent all night looking for you

I'm sorry

- Are you really leaving? - Yes

- Are you going back to Rome? - In a few days

Did you meet somebody else? You did. I know you too well

Who is he?

Is he young?

- Why do you want to know? - Well, if it's a secret then...

...it's the man of your life

The problem is, today the maid is not even coming

Well, you can do the chores

No, Margherita! I'm tired of it. There's a limit to everything

I'm a man too!

I want to leave

Sorry, I locked up to make sure the cheetah wouldn't get out

Have a safe journey and be happy

We'd like to apologise to you

Can you accept our apologies?

Answer. Do you accept them? Come on, make peace

- Do you accept? - Come on. Let's part as friends

We've made a mistake. Forgive us

Forgive me

You have to forgive me

Wait, Margherita

Only one last favour

Mike's trousers

You can sew, can't you?

You're not a great housekeeper, but I assume you can at least sew

Look, five buttons are missing

Can you see what state he is in?

You wouldn't leave him like that, would you?

Only five buttons and then you're free to go

Look how beautiful she is

Tell her to prepare something to eat. I'm hungry

He wants you to prepare us something to eat

You will prepare us a nice lunch as a lasting memory

A nice lunch. Margherita, the housewife

Margherita, the angel of the house

Of course. Our angel

Lunch!

- Hooray for the spaghetti! - Well done!

Everybody - smell

Is everything on the table? Salt, pepper, sauce?

- Say when - As usual, there's something missing

It's easy to criticise, but you can't find Grana cheese here

- Wine, Gaetano? - Yes, please

This is for Ren�

From the smell I can tell it's much better than yours

Pass the plate

Are you not going to eat with us?

Gaetano, pull up a chair

Sit down with us, Margherita. Come here

- Wait - Please

Now that the lady has sat down, we can start eating

Would you like some?

- This pasta's not that great. - I'm only eating it because I'm hungry

Then do what I'm doing...

...add some salt, and a bit of pepper

- Ren� cooks much better - There's no comparison

It's still rubbish

Try some

Have some, come on

So you know it too

Not even the cheetah can eat it. This spaghetti's crap!

You can't do this to a lady

Gaetano, don't get carried away now. We're gentlemen

- I'm sorry - Margherita, I'm sorry...

...but a woman should at least be able to cook...

...but you don't have the faintest clue

At least spaghetti. She can't do anything, for God's sake!

Yes, he's right

Come on, Margherita, at least spaghetti

Don't you know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

Didn't anyone tell you that?

You should have learnt something else apart from having sex

Cooking is not that difficult after all. What can you do? Tell us

What can you do?

Fried eggs

And steak

See, Margherita...

...first we made you become a good housewife...

...and now a beautiful erotic object

Do you know why?

It's not for our own pleasure

But for your own good

To allow you to get back to your natural female status

Sacred words

Stand up and take the blanket off

Do you want me naked?

No, Margherita, not naked

Don't overdo it

We just want you to be a nice erotic object

We're not pornographers

Maybe we should ask Prince Charming what he thinks

He's a man too...

...with his own opinions

Tell us where this Prince Charming is

We'll go and look for him, Margheritina. Where is he?

Here he is - Prince Charming!

Gaetano - a lawyer

Gianni - an engineer

Very good

Mike - unemployed

Name and surname

What's his name?

True... what could we call him?

What could his name be?

Tell us his name!

His name is "Secret Passion", "Mystery"

We'll just call him Mr X

- Do you agree? - Yes

First name, X. Surname, X

The sun

I am going to go now

Wait a second!

Before you leave we still have one more game to play

The tower game

It's a very interesting game

A very revealing scientific test

You'll like it too

And it's very stimulating

- Come on, let's play - We're ready

Give me your arm

Come on, princess!

Come on, the tower game is fun

Who are you? Where do you come from? What do you want?

She's an alien!

Careful, Mr X. She's an alien

Come on. Let's hurry up with this game

Margherita has to leave

I am cold!

This is salt

We have caught the alien!

And we're taking her to the tower!

'The Bridge of Sighs'

Mind the step

What an awful place. It gets worse and worse

Hurry up, Gianni!

We have to be quick!

Here we are, on top of the tower

Here

Sit down

We have here the lady, the tower and Mr X

Now, Margherita...

...you are on top of the tower with your Mr X

One of you has to jump to save the other's life

Understood, Mr X?

It's a nice test, but cruel. Like the Chinese bell one

You win a fortune but the man dies

They should do this in churches, before celebrating weddings

So, Margherita, who is going to jump?

One of you has to be willing to sacrifice their life for the other

What do you think?

Who is going to jump?

You or him?

Who is going to jump from the tower?

It's obvious, men are more selfish

But look at Margherita

She'd like to jump but she's a woman

Her feelings are decent

Margherita, make a decision, then you can leave

So, which one of you is going to jump?

I don't want to play this game anymore

Come on, be a good girl

Once you start a game you have to get to the end of it

Come on

We can wait for days, but you can't. You're in a hurry

It would be too easy to leave without making a decision

- You have to choose, Margheritina - Am I the one you'd like to push down?

It's the truth, you'd like to push me off the tower

Come on, Margherita. Come

You have to jump from here

Do you see what women are like?

First they use men, then get rid of them like old rags

Women have always made sacrifices for men

That's their real strength. Am I right, Mr X?

So, who do you want to push down, Margherita?

Me? You won't push me down!

THE END

Translated by Lorena Uras

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