Original subtitles

In 1976, an orthopedic surgeon crashed his plane

in the middle of nowhere with his family on board.

- Fix it, Meredith. - I'm trying.

He was shocked by how unprepared the local doctors were

to treat his injured family.

How many times have I told you? Always go in with a plan.

I didn't have time.

Mom.

Oh, for God's sake. What did I tell you about having children?

- Mom! - Mommy! Mommy!

When is the carousel going to start?

The carousel never stops turning. You can't get off.

- Come on, Mom. - Start the carousel.

- Clock's ticking. - Hurry up.

Can you help?

I raised you to be an extraordinary.

- Mommy! - What happened to you?

They prioritized what they could see.

Lacerations, open fractures,

and didn't look for hidden injuries

like brain trauma or internal bleeding.

How is she? Mmm.

Well, she's barely gotten out of bed.

Has she eaten?

Did you make soup?

Who do you think you're talking to?

I'll make the soup.

She isn't sick. We just need to get her out of the bed.

Yeah, she's grieving. Veronica died.

Monica.

Sorry. May she rest in peace.

It was awful.

But Amelia is a workaholic and the hospital is her happy place.

We just need to get her back to her routine.

I'm still gonna make soup.

Maybe I should go in and say hi.

I guess that's a no.

It inspired him to invent the Advanced Trauma Life Support program.

But ATLS is only the beginning.

Oh, look around you.

Say hello to your competition.

Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty.

Five of you will crack under the pressure.

Two of you will be asked to leave.

This is your starting line. This is your arena.

This looks like the minor league and I came to play.

How well you play... Well, that's up to you.

Should they be wearing hard hats?

I have enough to do without having to laugh at your dad jokes.

Oh, I'm not joking.

I thought you'd be less busy. Fewer ORs, fewer problems.

New interns, new problems.

I'm still assigning them to the residents.

I want them to be a good fit.

-Do you want me to do that for you? -Mm-mmm.

Look, they're fresh and eager. They'll fit with anybody.

Oh, no. I'm not worried about them.

ORs will be ready by the time they figure out where the bathrooms are.

It's the second years.

Oh, you're concerned they won't be good teachers.

I'm concerned they just lost Beltran.

I'm concerned that yesterday they were interns and today they're supervisors.

That's how the system works.

Do they seem like supervisors to you?

I didn't say it was the best system.

What happens after that is all on you.

I-I thought you got a hotel room.

Oh, a big MVC came in last night.

No, it didn't.

Due to the lack of ORs, they notify me when we have overnight traumas.

Noted. Well, I don't like hotel rooms.

Since when?

Am I somehow bothering you from an on-call room?

No, it's just not exactly a long-term solution.

I'm aware. We have rounds on Link.

Already saw him. He's doing well.

Well, I'm still going to see him.

Knock yourself out.

Okay.

Dr. Martinez to the CCU.

Excuse me.

You're not worried about someone stealing your stuff?

It's cup noodles and sweaty gym clothes. They are welcome to it.

Ugh. It's broken.

Uh, you okay? Um, Bailey said you could take some time off.

I'm fine. Everyone else is here.

You were the only one with Beltran.

I'm fine. I just need to move my stuff.

I've been trying to call you.

Yeah, I need coffee.

Don't you think we should t...

Congratulations. You've made it to your second year.

All right, so you have been emailed your assigned interns, right?

Find them and learn their names.

Unless it is on their birth certificate,

a name does not include a number,

adjective or an instrument they have dropped.

You... ...are no longer at the bottom of the surgical food chain.

You are responsible for teaching them

from running codes to finding the cafeteria.

They will mess up. And when they do, it is on you to fix it.

Due to construction, elective surgeries have been canceled.

Any emergent cases will be directed to outpatient OR.

So pay attention to where you're going.

All right, Dr. Kwan, you are covering the surgical floor.

Millin, cardio.

Griffith, take the pit.

And, Adams, you get to enjoy the pleasure of my company.

All right, everyone clear?

Okay, I will be keeping my eye on all of you.

If something unexpectedly becomes surgical...

Do you like greedy people, Kwan?

I do, if they need surgery.

-Go find your interns. -Okay.

Come on.

How's our VIP patient?

He's, uh, post-op day seven following a thoracotomy

plus subclavian intercostal and lung laceration repairs.

And he's doing great according to Altman.

He's rehabbing like a champ, so he'll be out of here in no time.

- Maybe it's time to take a break.

Not if I wanna hold the twins.

Well... ...I'm not due tomorrow. You have time.

Three more sets.

Pulse is strong. How's your pain?

It's less than before.

Well, I agree with your assessment

and there is no output from the chest tube,

so I will come back later and remove it, okay?

All right.

But, um, he-he shouldn't push himself too hard though, right?

Well, pushing through some pain is a good thing.

So, keep it up.

Dr. Marisol Ortiz to pediatrics.

Sorry, we're late.

Someone read the number on the room incorrectly.

Sorry.

Mr. Tep, uh, meet our newest surgical interns.

Can you tell us about your chest pain?

It's no big deal.

Dad, you were doubled over.

My daughter need more important things to worry about.

Meade, you're up.

Up? Uh...

Sok Tep, 65, admitted to the chest pain OBs unit to rule out MI.

Chest X-ray shows mediastinal widening.

What does that mean?

It's hard to tell without a scan,

but radiology is ready for him now.

But I'm supposed to be at the temple.

He was eager to go to a Cambodian blessing ceremony.

There'll be other ones. You're in pain. You need help.

I could take care of myself.

All right. Well, look, since you're here,

let's go ahead and get the scan, all right?

And then we'll go from there.

-Okay? Just hang tight. -Thank you.

Uh, Dr. Ndugu, before we go to CT.

About last week and the closet, I was in shock and I was exhausted

and we could just... ...forget about it?

Already done.

Dr. Anderson to radiology.

Dr. Olivia Anderson to radiology.

Uh, Dr. Warren is overseeing the pit today.

Uh, as a fifth-year resident, he will assure you that

although we're short on scheduled cases,

we receive plenty of emergencies.

Welcome! I was where you are just a few short years ago.

Well, not that short. I was... I was a firefighter for a bit.

-And before that, I was in ADC-- -Dr. Warren.

Right. Uh, bed 4 is being assessed for severe abdominal pain and nausea.

Dibs.

Well, Baldwin's already got it,

but we also just did an intake on an open femur fracture in trauma 3.

-Dibs again. -That one's mine.

Is that a possible arm lac in bed 6, because if so, I also call--

Uh, you are not a kid at recess trying to get the best swing.

We do not call dibs.

Could we get some help out here?

For the last time, this is the emergency department.

All supplies need to go to the freight--

We need a doctor right now.

-This thing just went rolling. -What thing?

Okay.

Dibs.

Your chicken broth was expired or I... I would have made you soup.

So, this isn't quite as comforting,

but it does have the cute little marshmallows.

Do you feel like getting out of bed today?

Maybe taking a shower? Putting on some clean clothes?

Do you have any clean clothes? What is happening here?

My washer broke. I'm waiting on a part.

When is the last time you did laundry?

Um, couple weeks ago I-I... I went to your house when nobody was there.

There's a key in the planter still--

You know, I have tenants. You can't do that. There are laws about that.

I'm sure that they don't care.

But maybe they have chicken broth.

Let's go. We can do the laundry. We can catch up.

You know, my mother always said, "Clean house, clean mind."

I don't think that's my problem.

Aren't Link's parents bringing Scout back tomorrow?

I think we have to get you up.

And selfishly, I have to get on another plane in 24 hours

and I'd like to spend some time with my sisters.

And I'm sorry, but you need some clean underwear.

I will buy more.

Come on.

He's a little low on the right. Griffith, move around next to Adams.

- Gurney coming in. - Oh, here we go.

Come on, fellas.

-Take it easy. -The keys are in my pocket.

There's a button next to seat to put it in reverse.

-It's Patrick, right? -Yes. Yes.

Okay, we're leaving this forklift right where it is.

Yeah, even the smallest movement could cause more internal damage.

But you're gonna get me off this thing, right?

You can cut through this with a 14-inch rescue saw?

- I'll get it. - You're cutting it?

- You're not gonna pull it out? - We'll remove the metal

in the operating room where we have more control.

I'll grab supplies to stabilize the blade.

I can handle this if you wanna check on the other residents.

No, no, get the supplies.

I was trying to manage both an insulation delivery and electrical inspection.

And I forgot to put the lock on the forklift. Someone yelled my name.

By the time I turned around, it was too late.

Look, we will do everything to get you out of here.

You need extra hands?

Not if everything on your patient list isn't finished.

Okay, Adams, uh, we need a vascular access.

Griffith, get a crash cart and ten of morphine.

Okay, move fast. I'm not sure how much time we have.

Okay.

A forklift through a person?

Well, the construction team was using it to lift and transport materials upstairs.

I understand its purpose.

Whoa.

You know that awful moment when you open up a patient's chest

after their aorta has ruptured?

You've seen it a hundred times,

but it's so much more blood than you ever expected,

and you can't see anything and you don't even know where to begin.

We're in the bloody cavity.

-The metaphor is clear, but I was-- -Yeah, I should call your wife.

I should, uh, file a workers' comp report.

I need to tell the lawyer to just come back here.

I mean, they might as well live here at this point.

Can I make a recommendation?

Don't call your wife?

Go check on the patient.

Right. Good idea.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

But I don't think this is right.

I think this has to come down, right?

You only put two orders in? That's less than one per person.

The drop-down menu threw us at first, but I think we're good now.

New plan. I'm gonna finish these

and then we'll round on our patient list.

You're gonna be doing running stitches.

On a surgical patient?

On bananas in the skills lab.

There is a man downstairs with a forklift through his gut.

He's gonna need surgery, and I want in.

And that can't happen if this work isn't finished,

and you are slower than molasses.

So I'm gonna finish it myself.

Aren't you supposed to be teaching us?

I am. I am teaching you how to be efficient on getting what you want.

Skills lab, one floor down.

Hey, guys, guys, I'm seeing patients. Okay? Who's with me?

Great. You know what? More for me.

-This is your fault. -I need you to be more specific.

You told Link to push through the pain.

He was rehabbing so hard, he dislodged his IV.

You gotta go talk to him. He won't talk to me.

Bailey has a construction worker who is skewered on a forklift outside,

but I will go and check on Link after.

He's like a rabid dog who chewed off both his arms.

Then you let him off the leash.

He is a surgeon. He understands what's important for recovery.

Make sure that Link is okay, and I will help Bailey with the trauma.

This is my department.

I have to go anyway because the incident happened on hospital property.

Okay, well, I'll make sure that trauma 2 is ready

and then I'll head up there.

I'm gonna go to the cafeteria to eat for three.

If he rips open his anastomosis before I get back, you're both dead to me.

-Page me if you need me. -Yep.

So you put in all of your orders and then you do your notes.

Uh, we all share this tablet?

Go to the nurses' station and ask for more.

-Okay. -Go.

Where are the scans?

Should be up in a minute.

Did you join the live stream for Beltran's memorial service yesterday?

I didn't have time.

Yeah, I had to change my schedule around to make it.

Yeah, it was hard to see her parents.

Did you know she had an older brother?

Been a lot for me to process. How about you?

I'm fine!

So everyone can stop asking because I'm great.

Unlike Dr. Beltran, I'm alive. So, no, I don't need to talk about it.

I don't need time off. I don't need help. You know who does?

Our patient who has...

giant mass in his chest.

That's a problem.

Good. Thank you.

An intern ordered potassium for the wrong patient.

We have him hooked up to monitors and almost have access.

I need to get in there.

Well, you're not the only one with a task to do.

Done!

-How's it going? -Uh, somehow fine so far.

This was the easy part.

Fluids are going in.

Safety first, huh?

Yeah. Safety left the building a long time ago.

Hey. Hey, if I die--

Uh-uh, uh-uh. No, no. We're not there yet.

Hey. Hey. You just hang tight.

Blanket's in position. We're ready!

Everyone stand clear. Live sparks could be airborne.

Stop, stop, stop!

Okay, BP took a dip. Someone squeeze the fluid in.

And-And get blood! Stat! Griffith, uh, start a central line.

We should intubate him now. It'll save us time when we finally get him off.

We can't keep him in a stable position once he's sedated.

Then we'll do an awake intubation wi-without induction drugs.

We'll-We'll have control over his position the entire time.

You wanna shove a tube through his nose into his throat while he's awake?

Every second is going to count.

Well, then we intubate him fast once we get him off this forklift and sedated.

I agree with Warren. We have to control what we can when we can.

All right, change of plans.

All right.

Is it cancer?

We need to do a biopsy to find out.

But it-it could be?

Possibly or it could be the result of an infection.

Have you traveled out of the country or spent much time somewhere else?

I don't go anywhere.

He immigrated from Cambodia.

It's a long time ago.

The '70s, during the genocide. You were injured. Mom told me.

Enough!

It's part of your medical history. You don't have to hide it.

Oh, my God. Dad.

Okay, let's secure his airway

and then get that biopsy done ASAP.

Another load is in.

What do we think about these red walls, the teal cabinets?

I feel like the house is screaming at me.

At least they didn't knock down any walls.

You said, "Let's knock this bitch down."

And I told you that was the tequila talking.

You knocked it down with us.

What was I supposed to do? She had already busted a hole in it.

Well, the tequila wasn't wrong.

It really does open up the place, don't you think?

Here. We're gonna fold some clothes.

Do you remember when we were sister lady chiefs

and we were carpooling to work

and you used to get dressed in the back seat?

- I don't think we were on time once.

Where you going?

Can you just give up on me?

No, you drop everything when I need you.

If you want to pay me back, just leave me alone.

That-That is actually... That's what I want.

No, I'm sorry. I love you, but you're a mess right now.

And when one of us is a mess, the other two come in and help.

That's what we do, whether you like it or not.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'm pregnant.

I'm sorry. I have to take this.

-Shout if you need me. -Mmm.

This is Altman.

Are your nose and throat feeling numb?

Yeah, I'm... I'm ready.

Okay, look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

This is gonna be extremely uncomfortable.

But it only lasts a minute.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't wanna die.

Patrick...

I love my life. I love my job. My team.

We've been together 20 years.

We built half the city together.

If I die, you have to tell them it wasn't their fault.

Tell them I was doing too much.

I made a dumb mistake.

There's nothing they could have done to save me.

Patrick, I know this is scary, but the faster we intubate you,

the better our chances of you being able to tell your team yourself.

-All right. -Hold still.

You're doing great. Almost there.

Okay. Here we go. I'm in.

Have the sedation ready for as soon as we get him off.

All right. Let's cut this thing.

Push in the meds. Start bagging him.

Yeah.

Position. All right. Three, two...

Nice and easy. Nice and easy.

Don't let it move. Don't let it move.

All right, let's get him upstairs ASAP.

Okay. Let's go.

My pleasure. I'll be back to check on you in another hour, okay?

Okay, I need a doctor.

You, Dr...

Bryant.

Okay, I have a patient whose AV fistula does not look good.

-Can you take a look? -Yeah.

Mr. Folb, this is Dr. Bryant.

-Hello. -Hey, how are you doing?

Let's, uh... Let's see what's going on, shall we?

Could you give me some gauze and saline, please?

-Yep. -Thank you.

Do you wanna start antibiotics?

Uh, that definitely looks angry.

I think an upper level should lay eyes on it first. Page Dr. Kwan.

- Hand me another, please. - Mm-hmm.

Make it stop! Make it stop!

-Sir, I need to hold pressure. -Oh, please! Oh. Oh.

Can you get me a tourniquet and gauze and 1-0 silk?

-You mean 4-0 prolene? -Yes! And-And page Dr. Kwan!

Who's the father?

Donor number 12715.

I can't believe you didn't tell us.

You guys always talk about how difficult it is to be a single mother.

I was worried you might talk me out of it.

I would talk you out of a man before I talk you out of a baby.

Are you gonna tell Winston?

I don't know. You know, we haven't talked in a while.

You guys think I've lost my mind?

Maybe. It's a lot of work, but I think it's wonderful.

It doesn't mean you won't be up some nights at 2:00 a.m.

questioning every decision you've ever made,

but this baby will bring you more joy and more hope

than you ever thought possible.

All right. All done.

What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be in the skills lab.

- I-I was-- - Good thing he wasn't.

Your patient could have bled out.

My arm was like Mount Saint Helens.

I paged you as soon as it happened.

And because it's Dr. Bryant's first day and he needs supervision,

guess who the nurses also paged?

-Okay, Dr. Bailey-- -Fortunately, Mr. Folb will be just fine.

Look at that figure of eight.

-Oh, yeah. It's... It's very good. -Damn near perfect.

Dr. Bailey is an excellent surgeon.

Uh, that was Dr. Bryant.

He's moving off of your service and onto mine.

Baldwin is on his way with his surgical team for Mr. Folb.

You can go back to writing your notes.

Bryant, come with me. You are scrubbing in.

After you've changed.

Hey, I'm gonna order lunch from that Italian del...

Link?

Um, my phone's about to die, and my, uh... my mom's got Scout at the park.

I didn't wanna miss any calls.

Well, she can always call me. You're not su--

Can you give me your arm?

-You're not supposed to be up right now. -No, no, no!

Has Owen been in here?

He went to get supplies so he can remove the tube.

-Okay, well, let me help you. -No, I-I'm fine!

-No, I... no. -You need help back.

Oh, my God! Link!

Oh, my God! Okay, don't move. You could be hurt.

No, no, no, don't.

- Let me help you up. - I'll get up myself.

-Then let me get someone to help you. -Damn it, just go!

Okay.

Can we get suction set up? - Here.

Lap pad.

- Can you help hold the blade? - -Yeah.

Okay, everyone. We are a full house.

So please be aware of each other,

as well as this large piece of metal protruding from our patient.

We don't have enough working ORs as it is.

All right, Bryant is joining us.

That guy is still alive? - We're tryna keep him that way.

Hey, let's reduce the chatter.

Warren, what's the plan?

We need to extend the incision around the blade.

We'll try to catch all the bleeders as we go,

but mainly, we're taking it one step at a time.

Altman, I'm sure people are looking for you. We've got it from here.

I'm... I'm happy to stay and help.

This room is a zoo. Get out while you can.

Mm-hmm.

All right. Ten blade.

Okay, advance two more centimeters.

Good. All right, now take--

The specimen.

Can you place a stat order for Dr. Ndugu, please.

- Yes, Dr. Millin. - Nice job.

Bet you couldn't have done that on your first day.

Would've been easier without the scar tissue.

He didn't say anything about prior procedures.

I mean, he was just a kid during the Khmer Rouge regime.

Do you think he doesn't remember major surgery?

I'm saying he could be trying to forget.

Is he bleeding inside his chest? Did I hit something?

It's coming from the mass. We need to open him.

I need a thoracotomy tray.

Give me a ten blade. I need help with traction.

See? You don't even need me.

Dr. Beltran, wake up.

N-No. Open your eyes. Wake up. Come on.

Millin!

Millin.

Unbelievable. His liver, kidneys, aorta, IVC. They're all intact.

The blade missed all of them?

He's one lucky son of a--

I recommend you do not finish that sentence.

Okay, so it did hit the ascending colon and part of the small bowel.

All right, Griffith and Adams, you two will remove it

while Warren and I check for bleeding along the path.

Okay. On my count.

Slow and steady.

One, two, three.

You're pulling too fast.

Your elbow's in the way.

If you don't slow down, you'll make it worse.

- It's barely moving. - -We're centimeters from his IVC--

Okay, stop. Stop. Both of you.

Adams, step away from the table.

- What? - Your fellow resident

has repeatedly asked you to slow down, but you didn't.

The OR is a place for teamwork.

We don't have time for you to set a bad example for interns

or to jeopardize this patient.

Also, your comments have frankly been inappropriate all day. So take a hike.

Now.

Bryant, help Griffith.

- Someone get Dr. Millin a seat, please. - Yes, Doctor.

I can assist.

Listen, our patient is counting on you to be at 100%.

And if you're not there...

Uh, clips. Tray.

Gloves. Metz.

Lap pads. Ray-tecs.

Sometimes it, um... uh, helps me to name things that I see out loud.

To ground you.

I do that too.

You can keep saying them out loud.

Fluids. A drape.

A spleen?

- What? - I think...

I think he's got an accessory spleen.

- That was the mass? - Yeah.

Looks like the interns aren't the only ones seeing something new today.

Almost there. Just tilt it a little to the right.

And what happens once we get this thing out?

Griffith.

We remove the damaged colon,

create an ostomy, do a washout, close.

Should be smooth sailing.

All right. Looks clear over here.

- Warren? - -Uh, I lost visualization.

Okay, uh, Bryant, come around this side.

Okay.

How's this?

Oh, yeah, that's much better. Much better.

And all clear over here too.

You still have room, Dr. Griffith?

I will make it work.

Okay, let's, uh... let's pull this thing.

- Ready? - Yep.

And pull.

Oh, easy, easy.

Yeah.

- Ooh. - Ah.

Nice work, doctors. Okay, I need suction. Hmm.

You didn't want to do the surgery. You were held hostage.

The second time.

If I had said no to the first surgery, none of this would've happened.

You were trying to help.

You're not the villain here.

The hospital exploded.

My friend died. My son's father almost died.

There is a little girl who is locked in. She is awake inside her body.

She still can't even blink.

She is gonna spend the rest of her life in a long-term care facility.

I did that. I did that.

I understand this mom's desperation.

If somebody did that to Scout...

I don't know what I'd do.

I know I'm the least qualified person to respond to this

because my baby is the size of a raspberry,

but if I were that mom, I would not blame you.

You are saying that to make me feel better.

No, I'm saying that because I know that complications can happen for any reason.

And sometimes for no reason at all.

Look, i-i-if we could all avoid mistakes, we would all have perfect records.

And I know that I still think about Sabie when I can't sleep at night.

Maybe we should open a wine bar.

No one dies in wine bars.

People can have heart attacks anywhere.

I'm sober.

Right, but you don't have to drink it, you just have to sell it.

How am I going to raise a person without you two?

Just say the word. We can be in Chicago by lunch.

Another step. Keep going. Yeah. You're doing great. You are good.

Yeah, I snapped at my pregnant wife.

Yeah, it wasn't a good look.

You're recovering.

I can barely walk across the room.

You're right. You're right. This sucks.

You're scared, and you feel like a shell of the man that you used to be,

and you feel obligated to pretend like everything's fine--

You know what, you wanna patronize me? You can leave too.

Keep going.

- What? - Getting your anger out

might be just as important as the PT. So keep going.

I hate the way Jo looks at me. Like I'm a patient.

I haven't been looked at like that since I was a kid, and it makes me resent her.

And... And resent my body

and resent every freaking beeping monitor that I've been hooked up to.

I'm mad that Monica Beltran didn't make it.

I'm mad that my scrub nurse got hurt, and I'm mad that my patient died

even though all he needed was a knee repair,

and-and I'm mad that I'm supposed to be happy.

I know how lucky I am.

I know.

And I came this close...

...to never meeting my daughters.

To never seeing Scout graduate high school,

never witnessing Luna's first date

and never growing old with Jo, you know?

And I can... I can handle the... the physical stuff,

but I-I...

I don't know how to heal from this.

I was just trying to save that guy.

You're an intern. You're supposed to do what I say.

Rectal disimpaction in room 410.

And when you're done, there is more where that came from.

- Great. - You could try apologizing.

What? I didn't do anything wrong. Plus, I like a challenge.

- Okay. - What?

- How's he doing? - Alive... ...unbelievably.

As soon as I saw him up in that thing, I didn't think he stood a chance.

Awake intubation may have given him one.

You were right.

I'm sorry if I crossed the line out there, but the patient was--

Will you be my chief resident?

Seriously?

Look, I can't be in five places all at once,

and keep my eye on 20 residents while also trying to save lives.

Today, eventually turned out fine,

but what happens when it doesn't?

I have too much on my plate, and I need help.

Not just any help, okay?

I need someone who is good with the residents,

who thinks on his feet, who has my back,

and who isn't afraid to disagree with me.

I can do all that.

-Yeah, don't disagree too much. -Oh, trust me. I know.

You removed his spleen?

It was already gone.

Your dad had a condition called intrathoracic splenosis.

Basically, tissues from his spleen landed in his chest and grew.

Tissue can just move to a different part of your body?

It can sometimes, after a traumatic injury.

Dr. Millin and I removed it and that should help with his pain.

He's always had the scars, but he never told me about the surgery.

Maybe he was trying to protect me,

or maybe he was trying to forget all the horrible things that he went through.

But he's my dad. I wanna know his story.

That blessing ceremony that he mentioned.

It's actually a workshop to help Cambodian refugees process their grief.

I'd never convinced him to go to therapy,

but he seemed excited about this.

Yeah. Community can be important for healing.

Can you take him to the next one?

I hope he'll let me.

Hey.

How pissed off is he?

I let him take a couple swings at me.

-He's doing okay. -Okay.

He wants to talk to you.

He holds things in too long.

He still hasn't talked much about that day.

Take it easy on him.

Well, I hope that he'll go easy on himself.

I know that he has to put his whole life back together,

but you can only do that one step at a time, you know?

-I'll see you tomorrow. -Mm-hmm.

Dr. Brady to Radiology. Dr. Jessica Brady...

Heard you were rounding. Anything interesting?

Nothing as interesting as an impalement.

Sorry you got kicked out.

I-I didn't see you walk out in protest.

You expected me to leave?

Yeah, you're pretty good at making your own decisions.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means...

It means I admire you.

You do what you want despite what people think.

I didn't cheat on you.

We broke up. You broke up with me.

You said it was over. I was upset. I went for a drink.

- And you picked up a rando at Joe's. - -I...

I didn't plan it.

-That guy? -Uh...

Seriously?

- Millin? - 911.

-You think she's okay? -We got the same text as you.

What's going on?

I, uh... I realized that we, um, haven't properly grieved, uh, Dr. Beltran yet.

You paged 911.

I would really like to do this.

Sure.

Yeah, how do you wanna start?

Um, well, first we each take a candle. Um...

And then anyone who-who wants to can say something they remember about her.

Dr. Beltran literally put her patient's life ahead of her own.

She'll always be remembered.

Out of all the attendings, she yelled at me the least.

She, uh, really liked matcha.

And she was great with kids.

Every time I was with Dr. Beltran, I learned something new.

Sometimes it was a technique or a procedure,

sometimes it was a life lesson.

Like, be more careful about who you bring home from the bar.

The night of, uh, the explosion,

she talked me through a mesenteric repair on a child.

Then she died.

I'm still trying to understand everything I learned in that OR,

but I do know this...

I was the last person to have the privilege

of learning from Dr. Monica Beltran.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

To be good at assessing traumas,

you have to be good at dissociating.

You're not looking at a person on the table.

- Hey. - -You're looking at a protocol.

-What are you still doing here? -I had time on my hands,

and since you were busy,

I called Catherine and filed a workers' comp report.

Thank you, Richard. That is a big weight off.

My pleasure.

Do you like being a suit?

It sounds like you don't.

I'm-I'm grateful for my job. I-I am. It's...

A week ago, I invented a new surgery to create an aorta,

and today all I have are emails to answer and phone calls to return.

I can't even grieve the people who have died here.

And I-I don't remember the last time I had dinner with my kids.

The corner office isn't for everybody.

If you need time to figure things out,

I'd be happy to fill in for you for a while.

You would do that?

Uh, I kind of miss it.

Is it okay if I move some stuff around?

Be my guest.

Thank you, Richard.

You don't have to knock. It's still your office.

What are you doing here? You back?

You know how when people get sober,

sometimes they trade one addiction for another?

I haven't used a vacation day in four years.

You wanna take a vacation?

I was thinking more like a sabbatical.

Sabbatical.

Where do you wanna go?

Wherever my people are.

Sometimes, the hardest part of working in trauma

is finding yourself on the other side.

Letting yourself feel.

Mourn the lives you've lost...

and celebrate the lives you've saved.

They wanna go again.

One more time, and then we're gonna have to hug Maggie goodbye.

Yes!

You're doing a great job with them.

Hmm.

They have their moments, but overall they're pretty extraordinary.

I just never imagined becoming a mother without my mom.

She'll come up in ways you don't expect.

What about when I need concrete advice in real time?

Then you call me.

Even if it's only your own.

- Hi. - Hi.