Original subtitles

There's a prize for the department who raised the most money,

and we shan't be outdone by Antiquities again. Not on my watch.

I didn't know you would be here.

- I was going to tell you the other day. - We've got jobs to do, so..

Do you think that Claudette from Antiquities is Lee's other option?

We're already losing. We need to do something bolder, Nina.

Oh, Mr Buckland! Surely this will advance my understanding

of the prehistoric era.

I'm sorry. It's not right. You're my friend.

I think he might be in love.

Lee's moved on and...I've already lost.

Love isn't a competition, Nina.

It's about being yourself

and letting someone love that version of you.

- So Lee's free? - Doesn't matter. It's done now.

- I should just...let him go be happy. - Give the boy space.

- Or I could go find him. - Obviously, that's what you should do!

Then let's go!

Are we going to power walk the whole way?

I just need to find Lee and tell him how I feel

and if my feet slow down, then my fear of rejection

and being vulnerable will win, so fast feet, family!

- VOICEMAIL: - Hello, you've reached Lee's phone...

Why is he never answering his phone?!

- Are you coming to Pizza Pizza Pizza? - Now?

- Well, the voucher's only good for tonight. - Oh, you're kidding me!

Are you coming? We're all guaranteed two slices each.

- Pizza? - Nina!

I can't. I'm going to go and declare my feelings for Lee.

- Nina, the bus! - Sad you won't be joining us, though.

You can call dibs on my slices.

See? I told you these things always work themselves out, didn't I?

- We're going to miss it! - You did, Declan. Thank you.

Wait for me!

SHOUTING: Excuse me!

Sports fans.

The key is to not engage with them.

If you ignore them, they'll ignore you.

What's happening, Bo Peep?

I'm not Bo Peep, obviously. I don't have a crook. I'm Mary Anning.

Mary Anning! The famous fossil hunter.

You know the poem She Sells Seashells On The Seashore?

Mary Anning is the proverbial she.

Oh, right.

- CHANTING: - # Ma-ry Ann-ing

# She sells seashells

# On the seashore

# Ma-ry Ann-ing... #

- You ready? - NO!

- You want a big life, Nina? Live it. - Yeah.

But then...tomorrow, can...can I have a small life again?

Just...just for a wee bit?

You can spend a whole 24 hours in your room

- and not speak to a single person. - OK.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to go in there...

and I'm going to tell Lee I'm sorry

and I'm going to tell him how I feel.

And...and if he doesn't want to see me again, then, that's fine,

because at least I've spoke to him, you know? At least I've tried

and I'm not just sitting about for six months

wondering what would happen if I did something.

Well, I know I did that before

but I'm not doing that any more because now I am going...

- ..towards the door. - She's going towards the door. - No, I'm not!

Look, I get it.

You're the BEST person I know at avoiding discomfort.

You get a bad feeling about something,

you don't allow it in your life.

I didn't know about your whole velvet cushion thing

- before I moved in. - Well, they feel alive, Ranesh!

Sometimes you've just got to push through the bad feelings

- to get to the good ones. - Yep.

- OK? - Mm-hm. - I've seen you do this a million times every day. - Yeah.

- You're a pro at this. - Yep. - Hey? - Yeah!

- Do you want us to come in with you? - Yes! - OK. - Girl bossing!

I can see a shadow. I think he's coming to the door.

It's happening!

- You're not Lee. He's not Lee. - No, I'm not. - Is he in?

Wait. Is...is this like a...

- ..a sex thing? You know, the bonnet and the weird couple? - Hi. - Hi. - Hiya.

No. Look, I just need to find Lee.

MOBILE CHIMES

- Nina... - YOU'RE Nina!

MOBILE CHIMES AGAIN I really should have led with that.

Oh, I've heard about you. That explains the sex bonnet.

It's not a sex bonnet! It's a professional bonnet.

- Nina... - Just give me a minute! I just need to find Lee.

Do you know where he is, please?

- Do I look like his mum?! - I don't know what his mum looks like!

Look, all I know is he came home and then he stropped

back out of here about an hour ago. He seemed upset.

Nina, Amber's in labour.

So you don't know where Lee is?

- Nah. - Come on!

- It was nice to meet you. - You too.

Professional bonnet?

Amber was at Mum and Dad's for dinner,

and Mum said her water's broke - I think.

There's a LOT of emojis, but Bo's not answering his phone,

he's gone AWOL and Amber is refusing to leave the house.

After hearing the stories at the baby shower, I think,

if push comes to shove, I could deliver a baby.

You fainted when my mum stuffed a turkey.

HE GUFFAWS

- No, I didn't! - OK.

We should go find Bo. Maybe he's gone AWOL after what I said.

Yeah, but maybe try the coffee man again

and let him know we were looking for him?

Hi, Lee. It's, erm... It's Nina.

I've just been at your flat.

Your flatmate wouldn't tell me where you were,

but I think that's good because of GDPR laws.

I have to go to my mum and dad's now, but listen, at the museum,

I...I felt this feeling and I'd never felt it before,

and I didn't know how to handle it and, and it made me behave badly.

And...and...and I really want to say sorry, but sometimes...

sorry seems to be the hardest word.

- That's Elton John! - Yeah, I know it's Elton John, Evie! Stop interrupting!

Look, next time I see you,

I-I'm going to say all of the things that I want to say to you

and there's so many things that I want to say to you,

but I need to say them in person.

I'm in the middle of this family emergency and I need to go,

but please, please phone me back when you get this, OK?

And don't go breaking her heart.

Sorry. I'm going to be an auntie!

Can you un-send send a voice note?!

- You can't un-send love, Nina. - Oh, balls.

- Come on! WE'RE GOING TO BE AUNTIES! - Aunties to the bus!

Why, hello there.

I thought you said she was in labour?

I'm not. I'm fine. Diane's just overreacting.

What are you wearing, Nina? Is this a new phase?

No. Dad, it's a work thing.

Well, Amber's water's broke, so we think...

The bubba was just doing backflips on my bladder.

I'm fine! I'm not in labour.

Where's your brother? Was he not at your museum day?

That was his excuse for not showing up to the Gammathon.

It's a marathon for gammon.

Have you eaten today, Nina? You want me to stick you on some gammon?

No, Dad, I don't want any gammon.

SHE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

Are you sure she's having the baby just now?

Well, she keeps going very quiet and bending her forks.

I'm not having the baby, guys. It's just some cramps.

Well, she does seem very sure.

I've got this.

HE WHINES

Argh! She's having the baby.

- No, I'm not! - OK, go! You need to find Bo. - OK, I'll find him.

- OK. - Someone get Ranesh ice. - Why don't you know where Bo is?!

- Let's just... Amber... - # We're all one big family... #

THEY ARGUE

- I don't know where he is! - # With a grape... #

Hello, Bo. It's me...your sister... Nina...Dr MacArthur.

I've been looking for you. Can't find you anywhere.

Nina!

Bo?

Nina, I'm in the shed! Open the fucking door, Nina!

Everything's going to fall!

- Help me! - Oh, God! - I've been screaming for 45 minutes.

- Do something! - What happened?!

Dad. I was keeping the shelf up with his ladder

and I moved it to get to that bag

and then Nana's ashes went flying, so I caught them.

Fucking buttons!

BO LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Stop messing with your fucking cape! I'm nearly dropping our Nana here!

- Come on! Argh! - I'm coming! OK... HE YELLS

- Never...touch...Dad's...ladder! - There you go, Nana. Safe and sound.

- That's his rule! - One, two, three...

THEY GROAN

When the shelf started to collapse,

I knocked Nana's ashes off of there

and there I was, trapped in this Freudian fucking nightmare.

Either allow myself to be crushed by the weight of my own childhood

or destroy the last remains of my beloved great-granny.

Beloved?

SHE LAUGHS

She was mental!

She used to feed us Baileys and milk

to keep us quiet during The Bill omnibus.

I still get sleepy when I hear that theme tune.

Bo.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said you were a fuck-up.

Och, I've been called worse and you were right.

No, I wasn't right. That's why I'm sorry.

You're not a consistent fuck-up.

You fuck up occasionally and when you do,

oh, it's spectacular.

You're solid and you show up when we need you.

You're not a fuck-up.

HE EXHALES

SHE SIGHS

Oh.

Oh!

- It's Mr Timmy Willy. - Your Timmy Willy!

- I finished my list. - You finished your list!

Oh, and just in time.

THEY LAUGH

- Wait, just in time? - Amber's waters broke

and she's refusing to leave the house.

- SHE SNORTS - What? - Yeah. - Amber's waters broke?

Amber's in the house?

Yeah, she's in the house with Mum and Dad, Evie and Ranesh.

She's in labour and she's pretending she's not. It's so weird.

- Why didn't anyone tell me?! - Stop shouting at me!

I tried! I phoned you. I didn't know you were hiding in the shed,

- sulking during the birth of your child. - I wasn't sulking.

Ju... The birth of my son?

- Get out of the way, Shagrid! - Well, go!

RUNNING FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

Oh, Bo, where have you been?!

- In the shed! - He was stuck.

I was screaming for ages.

Oh, that's what that noise was!

- Did you move my ladder? - He did.

Come on, let's get you to hospital!

God, you're all being so dramatic.

I know my body, guys.

I did a self-doula masterclass online.

This is... This is not labour.

- DIANE: - Right, I'm calling an ambulance.

I'll grab the Calpol.

No! I've had Toni Braxton hicks before. I'm fine.

Yeah, she's fine.

Yeah, she knows her body.

She's fine. She's fine.

- YELPS: - Get... Argh!

She's not fine now!

It's just a little ache.

Amber, you're the mother of my child.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but we need to go to the hospital.

I don't want to be in labour...

..so I'm not.

Amber. Amber, look at me. Look at me.

This is a time for logic, yeah?

No amount of manifestation or wishful thinking is going to stop

that baby from clawing its way out of your body.

That's his job. That's his...

That's his biological imperative.

And do you know what?

He's like his mum. He's stubborn.

Knows when he wants to make his entrance, like his mum.

Yeah.

I... I d...

I don't want to alarm you all, but...

I think I'm in labour.

And I think I'm coping with it really quite well.

That's what I just said!

Leave it. Can you stand, love?

I can't!

- DIANE: - I think the ambulance might be a wee while.

The contractions are too close together.

We might have to do this in the house.

I'm not giving birth in a car!

OK, Dad, did you get the go bags for emergencies

- that I sent you the link for? - Bean, they cost 300 quid a pop.

I'd rather just die when the world ends than spend that kind of money.

OK, OK.

AMBER GROANS

Ahh! Ah, ah!

It's happening. Sweet baby Jesus, it's happening.

OK, I'm going to need you to get ice, water, hot water, cold water,

towels, linens. Yes?

- Wow, Nina. - I've been rewatching Grey's Anatomy.

Bo, hold one hand. Evie, hold the other hand.

We're going to say nice things like, "Well done."

AMBER GROANS LOUDLY

THEY ALL SCREAM

WELL DONE! WELL DONE!

Oh... Oh, it feels quite different in real life, doesn't it?

- ADE: - I've got ice poles. Any use?

I'll have one.

I've brought the good towels, darling,

so don't worry if you ruin them!

- AMBER: - No, not the guest towels!

- You're our guest! - No!

- DIANE: - She's family!

- Will I bring the family towels?! - AMBER GROANS

Er, the groaning is getting... getting louder.

Nina, you're the doctor. You need to help me deliver this baby.

Bo, I am not that kind of doctor!

Do we know how dilated Amber is?

It's crucial we track that.

Yeah, my thesis was on Lower Jurassic decapods.

Nina, you're the smartest and most powerful woman I know.

You can do this.

What about me?!

You are so pretty!

I a-aaaam!

- Yes, she is! - Dad, can we get the car?

It's too late.

That baby is coming now.

OK, we're going to do this!

I'm going to deliver a baby!

That's what I'm going to do! Do you know why?

Cos I've got three degrees!

Three!

Call the midwife? I'M the midwife!

- Hello? - Hello!

- OK! - Hello! - OK, I'm going to look at Amber's vagina.

I can look at Amber's vagina. I can look at Amber's vagina.

- Lurch, get out the way. - Oh, good.

This isn't your responsibility.

- I'm going to do this. - Yeah.

- I'm going to deliver our baby. - Yeah.

AMBER GROANS LOUDLY

Oh, come tae Daddy!

Hello?

Thank fuck!

Erm, you know, your front door's lying wide open, yeah?

She's the one having the baby.

Right. OK, can you give us a wee minute

- and we'll just give Mum a wee check-over? - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, happily. - Mum!

I'm going to be a mum.

I-I'm here! I'm here!

I got Nina's message about an emergency.

I brought the first-aid box.

I'm having a baby!

Congratulations!

Look at that - a man who's always prepared.

I like him, Nina, I like him.

- Hospital. - Oh!

- You came. - Bad timing, eh?

Sorry.

I think I have to go with my family.

Maybe we could talk later?

Stay. We've got the NHS.

We don't need you on the case, Dr Shagrid.

Told you I'd fix it.

Cola.

MUSIC PLAYS FROM CAR

I'm glad you came.

I didn't think you were ever going to talk to me again.

That would never happen.

I'm so sorry, Lee.

I-I-It's fine. You don't have to...

- ..you know, go into all... - No, I do, because I was wrong...

..and I knew I was wrong,

and I worked out I was wrong by myself.

Nobody had to tell me.

And I want to say sorry properly, so...

..I'm sorry.

Thank you, Nina.

- You're welcome. - I'm sorry too.

I let it get too far too. I was being an arse.

Maybe just a wee bit.

And I know it was really mean to do that scene with Clay,

but I just wanted to beat you and Claudette so badly.

Eh?! I wasn't even playing!

Yes, you were! You were...you were...

..laughing at her jokes and smiling.

- Yeah. Yeah, no, I was doing that. - Mm.

Wait, so was that retaliation?

HE GASPS

Were you jealous, Nina?

Well, the thing is, when I look at you, I...

SHE SIGHS

I'm running out of words today.

Can I just show you something?

Ho-ho-ho!

Wow!

I can't believe I finally made it into the inner sanctum.

Is it everything you dreamed it would be?

I feel like Laura Dern.

When I was on the Isle of Wight...

..I discovered a new species of Mesozoic dung beetle.

What?!

Nina, that's so cool!

I know.

I know dung beetles aren't that exciting,

but they can tell us a lot about what a dinosaur ate

and its ecosystem.

And Dr Dunne said that I should name my find

after the person I missed most on the dig.

So, at first, I thought of calling it Evie,

but that didn't make sense because...

..there was somebody that I missed more.

It was you.

This is yours.

Eocoprophagus Leei.

It means "Lee's early poo eater".

I was waiting for the right moment to tell you.

I named it for you.

You named a shit beetle after me?

Are you offended?

It's maybe the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.

LEE CHUCKLES

Which, hearing it out loud,

is possibly a little sad, but, erm...

..remains true.

HE GASPS

Yes.

What I'm trying to say, via the medium of dung beetle, is...

you know how... You know how you feel something,

and you just feel it, and you say, "Oh, I have a feeling"?

I-I can't do that.

I-I feel a thing and I can tell you...

..if it's good or if it's bad,

or if it's big or if it's small and what the cause is,

but I-I-I can't name it, I can't identify it.

I mean, all the things I can identify

and my own feelings aren't one of them.

HE CHUCKLES

And, erm...

Oh...

I have this big feeling for you.

And it's bigger and it's brighter

and it takes up much more room than all of my other feelings,

and I think it might be...

..I think it might be love, but I don't know.

All I know is it's... is it's a big...a big feeling.

I've got a massive feeling too.

Are you being salacious?

No. No, no...

Nina, no, you dirty bugger!

THEY LAUGH

I-I'd like to try and be a relationship person.

I'd like you to be the person that I'm a relationship person with.

I'd, erm...

..I'd like that too.

I don't...I don't know if I can do relationships like other people.

Who says we have to do relationships like other people?

May I kiss you...Dr MacArthur?

I really like that you said "may I" and not "can I".

Oh, he's a handsome bastard.

He was surprisingly well preserved.

Ah.

What was his name again?

Eocoprophagus Leei.

Eopocoraphagus Leei.

SHE SNIGGERS

So close.

Look who it is.

It's Mr Timmy Willy.

Get that scummy little bear away from our baby, Bo.

This is going to be a family heirloom.

Hello!

- No chance. - Will your mum and dad be here soon, darling?

Oh, I've no idea.

They're always looking for an excuse to stop by the Tebay Services.

- Oh, it's fantastic, isn't it, Di? - Hmm.

Sometimes we go just for a day out.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, look. It's Auntie Nina and Uncle Coffee Man.

- WHISPERS: - Congratulations.

- ADE: - Where did you two get off to?

Erm...w-w-we were looking at specimens.

Specimens?

OK.

- AMBER: - Come on.

- Me? - Mm. - Oh.

Can I just say, I've always been Team Lee.

- Oh. - S-She was.

Especially after that song you wrote about her.

# It doesn't matter what you do... #

That's not about me.

That's a song about people who don't know how to dance

learning to dance.

You wrote a song about Bean?

- LEE: - Inspired by. Yeah.

Oh, Nina, your dad wrote a song about me once.

I'll dig the cassette out and you can hear it, Coffee Man.

We'll compare notes.

LEE CHUCKLES

What's his name?

- Arthur. - Oh, lovely.

Arthur MacArthur.

Come and say hello to your nephew, Lurch.

That's it.

Oh...

Hello.

SHE SNIFFS

Are you getting a wee bit emotional, Dr MacArthur?

Aww! Nina's getting soppy.

I'm not getting soppy, I'm just tired.

I've had a really long day.

I had do four big things today,

and usually I only do one.

I've never seen you cry over a baby.

I'm not crying!

Ach, you don't listen to them, Bean.

You've always been very emotional.

Ah, leave her be.

She had to do four big, hard things today.

Four big, hard things in one day, Nina?

You'll be knackered.

Oh, no, no. It's... I didn't mean it like that. No, I...

That is what he meant.

- Why would you... - Hey! - No...

In front of the baby?

On his first day in this planet?

Er...

- Oh! - Oh!

THEY LAUGH

He's beautiful, Amber.

Can I... Can I leave now?

I've held the baby and hospitals gave me the Timmy Willies.

Thank you.

Can you get me some crisps?

HE EXHALES, CHUCKLES

THEY LAUGH

You weren't weirded out that I wrote a song about you, are you?

No.

- No? - Mm-mm.

Now I finally know how Joe, Joe, Tom, Matty, Calvin,

Harry, John, Taylor, Travis and Jake feel.

- The lovers of Taylor Swift? - Mm-hm.

- I've been doing my homework. - Thank you.

Should we hop on a train to Knutsford?

- Absolutely not. - Ha-ha! - I never want to go back there.

- But it's our favourite place, Nina! - Oh, we need a new favourite place.

Ooh, I can do research and then compile a list,

and then we can go visit all of the contenders

and pick which one is the best.

Wait, so you want to... You want to...

You want to meet at a designated area at a preconceived time

and do some kind of, what, specific activity together?

Yeah, that sounds good.

What a novel approach to relationships, Dr MacArthur.

- You could call it "going on a date". - Mm.

- LAUGHING: I know you're making fun of me. - I AM making fun of you.

HE CHUCKLES

So what now?

Now...I would like to go and sit in a very dark room and be quiet.

Mm.

You could come with me?

You want me to teach you my song?

Ooh, yes, please.

OK. So you have to go...

- WEIRD HIGH VOICE: - ..really, really high.

THEY LAUGH

# It doesn't matter what you do

# As long as what you do is true

# It doesn't matter what you say

# As long as you do it your way

# Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh, ooh, ooh

# Ooh. #