Original subtitles

Perfect.

Alright, how do I look?

Like Sid?

Are you ready?

No. Great.

Go get him, Tiger.

Alright,

now hit me.

Thank you, everybody, for coming.

I know there's been a lot of questions and speculation.

Well, I'm here to clarify all that now.

So, my friends, my colleagues, people of the United States of America, I'm here

to inform you...

But the truth is, I am Iron Man.

That's an actual spread they got going on over here.

Mr. Stark, I can't thank you enough for this interview.

Oh, it's no problem at all.

I mean, I knew there would be no one else that could do my story justice.

You know, when I saw you in the cloud, I just think you had a certain integrity.

By the way, you can call me Iron Man.

I'm just kidding.

Tony's fine.

Well, thank you.

Tony. God, where do I start?

Hey, Happy, go get us some drink.

Is it true that your health's been deteriorating?

Lots of people have been saying that you've got self -destructive tendencies.

Oh, those are just rumors and lies. Hey, Happy, can you just bring me the whole

bottle? Hey.

I want to show you something.

What?

You want to touch it?

Is it supposed to be that?

Don't worry about it.

Hey, Happy. Put down the bottles and get happy.

Right here.

You see?

This is what you meant.

Alright?

You're welcome.

I just dealt with them.

Oh, my God.

about yourself.

Huh?

Once again, Tony Stark makes me out to look like a fucking idiot.

And you all just stand around with your thumbs up your asses.

Tony Stark has a fucking super suit. Why don't I have a fucking super suit?

The key to the Iron Man weapon is the arc reactor.

Without that technology, we can't even come close.

So? Fucking steal it!

In fact, why hasn't anyone stolen it already?

What are they still doing here? I thought you said you were going to fire

Hon, we can talk about this after the meeting.

I've got something you're going to want to see.

Can this wait?

Can this wait?

No, it can't fucking wait, dickhead.

Oh, she's right.

You're all a bunch of fucking dickheads.

Go ahead, hon.

Behold, the hammer reactor.

It's self -sustaining, completely clean and relatively inexpensive.

This is how we're going to beat Tony Stark.

Watch this.

I've bypassed the building's power with the reactors.

Carry on, dickhead.

Chip off the old block, huh?

Were you really planning on firing all of us?

Oh, yeah, but I was going to wait until Friday.

But, yeah, go ahead and pack your shit.

Security will see you out.

Fuck.

I do hope my cargo got here safely.

Tony Stark thinks he has the whole world fooled.

They think he's invincible.

They think he's a god.

But what happens when you make a god bleed?

They all cease to believe in him.

See, Pepper, this, this is why I love you.

I was just thinking about buying a hooker, and bam, you just show up with

out of the blue.

It's like we're on the same wavelength.

It's like one mind sometimes.

This is your new assistant, Natalie.

She's here to relieve me.

I'm leaving, Tony.

I quit.

Leaving? But we're so great together.

I just can't watch you do this to yourself anymore.

So then just look the other way.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I get it. With great power comes great responsibility.

I'll change.

Let's just have everything go back to normal.

And just send her back to the temp agency.

He's all yours, Natalie. Have fun.

You know what, you're right. Let her stay.

I think I could find a suitable position for her.

You know what?

I'm sure you're a great assistant.

But, uh...

With tits like those?

I don't even care if you can read.

You know, a smack in the face would have definitely got your point across just

as well.

I'm sorry to deceive Miss Potts, but I'm not a secretary.

Really? You don't say.

My name is Natasha Romanoff, and I'm an agent with S .H .I .E .L .D.

International Security, and I was sent here by Nick Fury to look after you.

You've been deemed a liability.

How is Nick?

Last time I talked to him, he wanted me to be part of his super -secret Boy

Scout troop. He's worried you're going to put the Iron Man suit in the wrong

hands, and I'm here to babysit you.

Oh, well.

I like to babysit her sometimes.

I'm making coffee.

You have one hour to get cleaned up and ready for the Hammer Tech Expo.

I don't want to go to that shit.

I fucking hate those dicks.

Well, those dicks apparently invented a power generator that rivals your arc

reactor.

Really?

Where'd you hear this?

Is it bigger than mine?

Get dressed, Tony.

You know what's happening now?

Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to imagine for a minute a world that isn't

dependent... on foreign oil.

Where sustainable energy, clean energy, is available to everyone.

No more fighting over natural resources.

No more paying $5 for a gallon of gas.

No more blood for oil.

Ladies and gentlemen, the hammer reactor is more than just a power source.

It is, in fact, a step to world peace.

The future is now.

Just think.

We apologize, everyone.

The venue seems to be having some technical difficulties.

Just one moment.

What the hell's going on?

I don't know. The test worked fine. Someone's sabotaging our demonstration.

It's dark.

You better do something. You better do it fast, because you're not going to

yourself for it.

Ladies and gentlemen, there has been a slight change in tonight's program.

Tony Stark, show yourself!

Thanks for the help, super spy.

Did you want me to blow my cover?

And the not -so -jolly green giant.

Is that who I think it was?

Dr. Bruce Banner.

I haven't seen him in quite some time.

He went into hiding.

Ended up in Siberia.

He doesn't have any control over the serum he created, but Madame Mask

out a way to use him as a weapon.

Let me guess.

You two have history?

When the KGB found out he was in Russia, they sent me over to kill him.

But I couldn't do it.

He may look like a monster, but he's not.

Cuff yours.

Rams.

Fuck me, Hulk.

Uh -huh.

I'm gonna feel your big ol' muscles.

You fucked up.

Do you have any idea how bad this makes us look?

I fucked up?

How'd they get past your security?

How'd they override your system?

Your software is bullshit.

Well, great.

So Tony looks like the hero and we look like fucking amateurs again.

We have to make sure that this never happens again.

What are we going to do?

Something.

Well, good luck with that.

Think about it.

Whoever those two wackos were, they want Tony Stark dead.

We can make them allies.

You're not seriously suggesting that we team up with them.

We can't beat them.

Make them partners.

Worked with you in the U .S. government.

And the Atkins.

And the Cubans.

And the Chinese.

Let's see what you can find out.

Okay.

Kathy Dare.

Mr. Hammer.

I was surprised to hear from you.

I heard about what happened at the expo.

Tony.

Everything's okay.

Tony's just fine.

But funny you should mention him.

He's actually who I wanted to talk to you about.

Ah, Tony.

I could talk about him forever.

Right.

So, do you see much of Tony these days?

Well, as much as I can.

You know, he's a very busy man.

And there's the restraining order.

Uh -huh.

What would you say if I could actually get you close to Tony again?

Really?

How? Well, don't worry about that. But I would need a small favor from you.

Anything. I need you to get the blueprint to Tony's suit.

So you mean steal them?

Oh, no. It's not stealing.

It's more like getting a trophy.

Something to remember them by.

A souvenir?

A souvenir.

Okay.

I can do that.

Wonderful.

Oh, this whole place is yours?

Yep. That's why they call it Hammer Tech.

And you make guns here?

We make guns, bombs, and aircraft, actually.

I love guns.

They make me feel powerful and exciting.

Sexual.

Really? Mm -hmm.

You really are crazy, aren't you?

Mm -hmm.

collar was impenetrable.

You hesitated. I saw it.

Don't forget, I was the one who got you out of prison.

I was the one who shipped you to America.

And if it wasn't for me, you'd be breaking rocks in fucking Siberia.

Sorry to bust the party.

I thought I owe you one. Who the hell are you? I should fucking kill you.

I should, but I'm not.

It's not rocket science.

I want Tony Stark dead.

You want Tony Stark dead.

Let's kill Tony Stark.

Okay.

So I suppose we're doing the dirty work.

What do you have to offer?

Hardware upgrade.

Indulge me.

It's with the mask.

It's personal.

Let me guess.

A love affair gone wrong.

Homegrown superheroes pitted against each other.

Had the nerve to wound you, but couldn't finish you off.

What's it look like underneath there?

Now get rid of this green thing.

Easily.

I want to see how the hammers fuck.

Okay, keep your body guard around.

You're going to do a little play session with hammers. Keep them just for me.

Leave it there.

Yes, yes,

yes, yes, yes

You wanna make it disappear?

Yeah.

Yeah, just feed that dick to you

Are you on your own?

That's it.

That's my fucking turn.

How do you want me?

Let me see that ass.

Buried in the, buried in the

and things like that.

Fucking pussy.

this fucking pussy up this fucking ass back yeah she's asking for it

don't

fucking

let it slip

Turn it off.

Turn it on like that.

Bye. Bye.

I heard about what happened. Are you okay?

Oh my God, is that your chest?

Is your heart okay?

Are you gonna die?

I'm fine.

I just might need a new ticker.

What are you doing to yourself?

Don't you know I'm invincible?

Haven't you heard? Haven't you watched the news?

I'm fucking Iron Man.

Hey, that's a $50... You know why I quit?

To pursue your acting career?

I quit because I lost all respect for you.

What would your father think if he saw you now?

Leap him out of it.

You know, you had the chance to be great.

You screwed that all up.

Because you buckled under the pressure.

You don't deserve to wear that suit. And you're not Iron Man.

You're a coward.

You're just a child hiding behind a refrigerator box.

Fuck off.

Why do you even care?

You don't even work here anymore.

I care because I love you, you fucking asshole!

Are you crazy?

Tony's gonna destroy you.

Do I look crazy to you?

Tony Stark's already done everything he can do to me.

He chewed me up and bit me out.

Broke my heart.

Because that's what he does.

And if you think he's coming after you for any reason other than heroic duty,

you're dead wrong.

Tony Stark loves no one and nothing.

You're wrong.

Meet the new and improved

Hulk.

Get him.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to pet them and get them out of here.

You guys go back to the mansion and I'll clean up around here.