Original subtitles

Babe, your foot's like right in my face.

No, it's not. It's in your stomach.

Stop.

Okay, fine.

Do you want to go to the gym?

No.

No, I don't want to go to the gym. I'm really tired.

You haven't done anything all day.

I'm tired.

No, but I... Well, I've been working really hard at work lately, and I'm just

really tired, so I just, like, do nothing today.

I think I earned that.

You don't even, like, do anything at work.

Are you serious?

You work at a tanning salon.

Uh, yeah. You look at your phone all day.

No, I look at my phone a lot of the day, but, um...

I still have to, like, wipe down the machines and take care of the girls that

come in. And, and, there's, like, creepy guys that come in there sometimes and I

have to, like, deal with them. So, I think I deserve a do -nothing day.

Right? I deserve it, right?

Um, sure, babe. It's fine. I could just work out later tonight or something.

I just, I don't want to go.

Okay. Later, either.

I just figured you'd want to go with me or something. No, I don't want to go

home. Okay, you don't have to.

I don't have to. I'm a grown -up. I don't have to do nothing.

I'm hungry.

Okay.

I want food.

You want to... We can go out to that sushi place.

No.

It's my do nothing day.

Okay. I'd have to like put clothes on and stuff.

I don't want to do that.

So.

Okay, I'll just order some.

Yeah.

What are we going to order?

Um, get food from that Mexican place.

No, I don't really, not really feeling Mexican food tonight.

Okay.

What else do you want?

Um.

We could get, like, I don't know, we could just get, like, cheeseburgers or

something. We had cheeseburgers last week.

I mean, we could get, like, a different cheeseburger place.

It's not that. It's still a cheeseburger.

Okay.

Something else. You know what I want. You know what I like.

Um, okay, yeah, well, um.

The longer you take to pick, the longer it's going to take to get here.

Okay, well, I mean, we'll get some, like, um... Like,

I don't know, we can get, like, Italian food. We haven't gotten that. Hmm.

The chicken, that one place with the chicken parmesan.

But everything has cheese, and every time I tell them not to put cheese on

they do it anyway. It's stupid.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's like, it's okay to eat cheese once in a while.

It's weird. I don't like cheese.

Okay, well then, uh, we could, I mean, fuck, we could, we could order something

from that vegan place.

You like that? We had that one time.

I like vegan, like, okay, yeah, I like vegan sometimes, but I

need meat.

I need, like, meat on my, on my do -nothing day.

Okay. Yeah.

All right, well, we'll just get some steaks from that one place.

Not that much meat.

Less meat. You just said you wanted a bunch of meat. I said I needed meat. I

didn't say the amount of meat, I don't think.

You don't have to eat the whole thing.

That's wasteful.

Oh, my God.

I don't know. You know what I want. You know what I want.

I know you do.

I'll just go down to the gas station and buy some, like, samples.

The gas station?

Yeah, like the meat that spends in the thing, like the little hot dogs. Oh, ew!

No! That's probably people.

Don't do that.

You'd probably love it.

No!

Ew!

I'll get you two of the things where it's like a hot dog, but it's made out

cheeseburger. It's like a...

Cheeseburger hot dog?

You should try it. You might really like it. No.

I do not.

Okay.

You shouldn't judge most things before you try them, but I can safely judge

I would hate everything about that.

It's just that I didn't like cheese.

Okay. You don't listen to me.

Thai food.

From the place that we went to yesterday?

Yeah.

I knew you knew what I wanted.

See, you know more than me what I want. I kind of just figured you wouldn't.

So I'll just get you the same thing?

Yes. Okay.

But, okay, but get me the same thing, but if there's something on the menu you

think I'd like, get that too.

And then I'll try it. And then if I don't like it, you have to eat it.

Okay, that's fine.

Yeah? Yeah.

My sister's so pretty.

She's, like, perfect.

Yeah, she's... She's really cool.

You think my sister's really cool?

Yeah. You think she's, like, hot?

I mean, you know, she's definitely, like, attractive i mean you're

prettier than her that took you a long time to say so

you think my sister is prettier than me yeah no wait you're prettier than your

sister i already said that my god you had a Freudian slip you admitted that my

sister's prettier than me i did not say that oh my god you did you didn't mean

to but you said it

So, if you met my sister before you met me, would

you have, like, dated her?

What kind of question is that?

It's a question.

It's a yes or no question, and it's kind of weird that you didn't just answer

it.

I mean, no. I mean, your sister's cool.

I mean, but I'd like you, I mean, like, I don't, I want to date you. I don't

want to date your sister.

But I mean, like, I think that we'd probably get along.

Hmm.

What?

I'm just thinking about you dating my sister now.

I don't want to date your sister.

That's what you say.

What do you think? I want to let you know you're my sister or something?

I haven't decided yet. She lives in another state.

Yeah. You're being crazy.

I mean, I'm not crazy.

I'm just thinking about what you said about my sister being hot.

I didn't even say that. That's literally not what I said.

It's okay. Forgive me.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Okay.

Would

you

still love me if I gained like 20 pounds?

Yeah. Of course.

What if I gain, like, 50 pounds?

Yeah, I guess.

Sure. Really?

Yeah.

50 pounds.

I mean, yeah, I guess.

That's a lot of pounds. I'm only, like, 120 pounds.

That's, like, I'd be 170 pounds.

Okay.

Can you imagine?

That'd be more even love.

Why do you make me go to the gym then?

You wanted to come to the gym with me. You got me to start taking you.

Because I knew you wanted me to go.

I don't like... You have to go to the gym.

I like going to the gym.

You're an insane person. You're an insane person. You're crazy. Not

You know I'm really ticklish.

You're a monster.

You're a monster. Stop.

Stop. You're abusing me. You're asking me questions.

Oh, my God.

Tickling is abusive, and I am filing a police report.

Not even touching you. Right now.

Okay. Stop. All right.

I don't want to order food.

Oh my god, you haven't ordered food yet?

No, because you've been like asking questions.

Maybe.

Why haven't you ordered food yet?

It was just like a minute ago.

I'm so hungry.

It doesn't take very long to get here.

You hate me. That's why you're trying to starve me.

I don't.

You do.

That's why you're starving.

You're, like, annoying sometimes.

What?

Nothing. What'd you say? Nothing.

You said something.

I said you're annoying sometimes.

That's what I thought you said.

I'm annoying? Me?

Yes. I've never heard such a thing. Yes.

I've never, I've never heard such a thing.

Stop.

You love me.

Yeah, I love you.

Unfortunately.

That's why you put up with me?

Yeah. Well, maybe I give you a lot to put up with to make sure you love me.

Why? Well, it doesn't... It makes sense. Okay. Yeah.

What? Would you love me if I didn't have any arms?

What?

Did I stutter?

If you didn't have any arms?

Yeah, like this.

Like if I had no arms and I just...

Yeah,

I guess.

Would you love me if I had no arms? Why don't you have arms?

Does it matter why I don't have arms?

Okay.

No, wait, so like you asked so it matters so like if I lost my arms one

would love me and if I lost my arms another way you wouldn't know That's

I'm hearing.

That would be big. I would still love you to the alarms, okay?

Okay, okay, so you'd love me no matter how I lost my arms.

Yeah, and the tractor accident or Explosion or so, I don't know Yeah,

that's okay What if I didn't have any feet

If you didn't have any feet. Yeah.

If I had no feet anymore.

No.

No. Because that's fucking weird.

You wouldn't love me anymore if I didn't have any feet?

No.

That's weird.

How is that? But then I wouldn't be able to put them all over you.

No, I mean, like, I guess, no, yeah, it'd be fine.

It'd be fine.

Don't get any ideas about getting rid of my feet.

You're the one.

I didn't think that you'd go for it.

It was very quick to convince you.

Do you need to get help?

No. I need help. I need help when you tickle me.

It's bad. It's a bad thing. Okay, I'm not tickling you.

You were.

Please stop drinking.

I'm pretty sure I told you tickling was illegal.

No, stop.

I'm pretty sure I told you tickling was illegal.

No. Yeah.

No.

I'm going to get you.

You can't use your strength for two seconds.

No. Kiss.

No.

No.

Stop. Okay, truth.

Okay, okay.

Give me my football bat. Okay.

Okay, I was about to. You say okay. You're assaulting me. I can't fucking

it. You can't order food while sending me off?

Uh, no.

Maybe you do need to go to the gym.

What?

I'm just wondering something.

What?

How come you haven't tried to get me to, like, have a threesome with you yet?

What? You haven't asked me if we can have a threesome yet.

Why would I ask you that?

Everybody else has dated and asked me if we could have a threesome.

So, like... Why do you...

I don't know, because I didn't think you'd want to have a threesome.

I don't know.

Do you want to have a threesome?

I guess if you wanted to have a threesome with another girl, I wouldn't

say, like, no, I guess.

So you want to fuck other girls?

No.

You want to fuck, like...

with like really big tits no i want to you you're my girlfriend well yeah

like i get it like you're fine me but like don't you want to like you know

one of those porn stars with like the big tits and the blonde hair and the big

blue eyes and stuff no no

So wait, would you, wait, so you said I'd threesome with a girl if I wanted

Would you not have a threesome with another guy?

If I wanted to?

I mean, I don't think I really want to do that.

Why? I don't want to

fuck another guy. Well, are you, are you like a little, are you like kind of

gay?

No. What? No, why are you saying that? Are you, like, worried that if we have a

threesome with another guy, it'll, like, awaken something in you?

Like I'll start doing stuff with a guy?

You monster.

You get no food.

No. That's not. No, I'm going to tickle you until you order my food. You're

punished.

You're punished. No food for you. No.

You're being bad.

I'm not being bad.

Hey, if it did awaken anything in you, I would accept you completely.

It would be totally fine.

I would support you. Oh, that's sweet.

Wait.

What? You have a boner right now.

Like, you're really hard right now. Oh, my God. What is wrong with you?

You're my girlfriend.

Honey, we have to order food.

Yeah, I'm trying to. I was about to order it. You stopped being like a

Well, what are we going to do about this?

leave you like that, so... And now you're going to be a nice girlfriend and

care of me?

I'm always a nice girlfriend.

Yes.

I'll agree with you.

I don't want to make you mad.

Look, when you cause a problem, you have to solve it.

And since you apparently have a tickling fetish I didn't know about... I don't

have a tickling fetish.

Then why do you keep tickling me when I'm trying to blow you?

Because you need to be tickled.

Because you're acting crazy.

Likely story.

You're just

horny. That's why you're acting crazy. I'm horn -gry.

Okay.

And since you're trying to starve me, I'm going to get protein the only way I

can. I'm not trying to starve you. You are, and you're trying to starve me.

It just won't work.

You're so hard.

It's my fault.

Everything's my fault. Yeah?

Mm -hmm.

You want to put up with me?

You want to put up with me because I worship your cock?

That's fair.

Maybe I put up with you because I love your cock so much.

Ever think about that?

Tickle fetish! I thought it was my personality.

It is, baby.

It's your sparkling...

Personality. Look,

it's your slippery, shiny, glistening personality.

I love

that

I can fit both of your balls in my mouth.

I know how much you like it when I spit everywhere.

glasses so they keep falling off now now you're in

trouble

I shouldn't do that. You really shouldn't. I almost hit you in the

I need these.

I need these intact.

I need them too.

Where else am I going to get all the cum I need?

Oh, fuck.

Do not tickle me, okay?

Ugh.

Thank you.

You're in denial.

I'm not.

I can't because you're going to end up ripping it off.

I won't mean to either. It'll be your fault.

Oh, my fucking God. I can't laugh when you do that.

Oh, my God.

You know when I act crazy, I just need to act right.

Have you connected those dots?

I think I'm figuring it out.

Thank you.

Okay.

Oh, you filled me full of air.

I'll get on top of you, but first you really want to... I

know we're meant to be because we

taste so good together.

I'll wash it later.

Okay.

You

filthy,

dirty girl.

I'm all over your pocket. I know.

I'm addicted. It's your fault.

Oh wait, I don't want you to come at me.

I am going to eat your cum when you come though.

It's not even a discussion.

It's the rules.

It is the rules.

Oh my god, you hit that fucking spot.

Even if you break up with me to date my sister, you have to keep fucking me,

okay? Um, okay.

No, you're supposed to say you'd never do that. I'll never do that.

But you have to keep fucking me no matter what. Okay.

if I call on you, right?

Okay.

Huh?

Oh, my God. Okay, wait, wait. Okay, I do it like this.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know, this is my favorite.

Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you.

I was hungry and he fed me.

I forgot to order fish, though. That's okay.

I'll order it.

I have a snack.

Okay.

Yeah.

You can't tickle me now.

I love you, jerk.

I love you, too.