Original subtitles

Don't worry, Lulu.

I'll have you back home to Mama by nap time.

Run,

run, Inspector.

You can't catch me. I don't want to be here.

Well, I'll run this way.

I know. She's pushing her luck.

Jack, unless you want to tell her.

Yeah, I didn't think so, chicken.

Thanks for sending a car to pick the creep up.

I'll see you tonight.

Look at you.

Cass, relax.

Look, she's fine.

No, Elvira, she's perfect.

Say thank you, Tallulah.

Thank you, Elvira, for saving me.

You and your partner, Reagan, you're the best private eyes in all of Manhattan.

Oh, it's nothing.

Kidnapping, dog napping, it's all in a day's work. Right, Reagan?

Well, there are just no words.

I don't know what Lulu and I would have done.

Yes, isn't she helpful?

Well, I know we settled on 20 Alvira, but seeing as I was prepared to pay a

million -dollar ransom... 50 grand for a dog? And precious member of a

family. That's very generous, Kathy. Made out to the Meehan and Riley

Agency. As directed, there is no Megan and Riley Detective Agency.

We have a bank account. We do? How else would we cash the check? I also ordered

the matching stationery. Well, that settles it, then.

Say the word, and I will make this new crime shop of yours the talk of the

Oh, I have a lead on a smashing pocket listing for you uptown.

Don't dawdle.

I'm going to take care of some business. No, no, no, no, no, you don't. We have

to discuss this, Elvira. I can't. I know what you said.

Just because we solved a couple of cases together doesn't mean that we should

become partners. What, even if we call it the Riley and Meehan Detective

Even then, it's too dangerous.

But we did good today. We got lucky today.

What happened to a stick with the plan?

Your cross -mayor promised to wait in the car.

Well, he got hungry. I sent him to get a quick nosh, and that's when I spotted a

dog napper. He had Lulu, and she was right there. I'm sorry, Elvira, but the

that you operate, leaping before you look...

Sooner or later, I'm going to get to you two seconds too late, and you're going

to get dead. But you're never late. And that's what makes us so good together.

Admit it.

We were destined to be partners in crime ever since Willie's toothache and your

dad's dental phobia brought us together, which, need I remind you, led to us

both. Saving your kidnapped father. No, you needn't remind me. But that was a

fluke, and no reason to think about opening a P .I. agency.

I got 50 ,000 reasons that say otherwise.

And I'm happy to take my half of the reward.

But then you've got to promise me, matching stationary or not, you'll close

account.

Look, having good instincts for spotting trouble doesn't mean you're prepared to

handle it.

Just once, I'd like to spend our time together as friends instead of...

Pretend private eyes.

We do lots of things as friends.

Oh, like that boat cruise we're taking next week to celebrate your mom's new

book. You and me playing 1870s dress -up crime buses. That is pure fun. And I'm

holding you to it.

I promised Jack this murder mystery boat cruise was all play, all the time.

And that goes double for you.

We'll be pardoned yet, Reagan Riley.

Just you wait and see.

On behalf of my beautiful wife, Nora Riley, it is my honor to welcome you

winners for a three -day cruise around the magnificent San Juan Islands aboard

the luxury yacht, the Taconite, where you will celebrate and also play a part

Nora's latest masterpiece of mayhem and murder, the Mystery Cruise.

You know, when I look at all of you in your mystery game costumes, it's truly a

dream come true.

We're going to be departing in just a few minutes, so whenever you're ready,

please come on aboard the TAC Knight.

This is Ivy Pigley.

She's playing the reporter.

Thanks for joining us, Ivy. We look forward to your inside scoop.

Oh, of course. Thank you.

Here's your detective.

Widower. Name's Ted Cannon. You must be Ted.

I bet nothing gets past you.

It's an honor.

could only be Hans and Greta Dietz, your tourists from abroad.

Mr. and Mrs. Dietz all the way from Switzerland.

Willkommen. Thank you.

Thank you so much for picking me. This is the thrill of a lifetime.

And here?

I'm not sure, but maybe the banker?

Lehman York, reporting for duty, a .k .a.

Doe Away.

First name, Casper. And my dear wife, Serena.

Society Bell.

An all -round good sport.

I know you.

Mayfair Books, London, right?

Guilty as charged.

I was at your signing last year.

Nothing can top this.

By all means, sneak on board.

Ah,

Willie, welcome.

Hi.

One of you is gorgeous, by the way.

Do you know any place on the ship where you can... The card game on the poop

deck. See?

That's Willie Maverick, Meehan, Breaker of Hearts, and Winner at Cards.

Did you know that?

If Regan should happen to ask... Card would be the last place you'll be.

I knew there was an extra special reason I loved being your son -in -law.

The school teacher, Mom? Really?

And yet she's the dance hall girl? Hey, you're not Noah's biggest fan.

Well, she's got you there, kiddo. Shall we?

But doesn't number one kid count for anything?

The players in and out of the game are listed here, and the clues to be

uncovered are noted there.

And these add up to what exactly?

Why, the intricacies of Nora's game.

It's ingeniously elegant, actually.

Each day, we'll receive a new set of chapters chock full of leads, while the

final chapter, which reveals the murderer's true identity, will be held

until our journey's end.

As we all learned in chapters one through five, which we received with our

tickets and invitations, tonight one of us will be murdered.

And the first among us to uncover their motive and expose the killer will

take home the grand prize. Unless, of course, they accuse the wrong player of

the murder. In which case, they're out of the game.

Good evening. Oh, good evening.

Can you imagine it, Greta? Having the entire Noah Riley collection, all

autographed first editions. Yeah.

Would it not be wonderful?

No matter what, Hans, we must win.

First time at sea, eh?

How do you know?

Well, it's how I make my living.

Of course, you're playing the detective.

I've never done one of these things before.

Role -playing and all.

Yeah, me neither.

It's Elvira Meehan!

Simple cleaning lady from Queens. After winning $40 million in the lottery.

Became a part -time reporter for the Globe thanks to her ability to uncover

crime wherever she goes. Most popular stories detailing the adventures of her

favorite street -smart private eye, Reagan. Reagan. Riley.

That P .I. whose mother is a mystery writer.

And a father who owns a funeral home. Who's often quoted as saying, When

talk in the family home is about murder and mayhem. What else is she going to be

when you grow up? And who else would you marry but crack NYPD detective Jack

Riley? No relation, mind you.

Me, Hannah, and Riley.

We're all the same murder mystery.

That's some get -up you're flouncing about in there, Missy. I hope it doesn't

offend your schoolteacher sensibilities. I'm planning on doing the can -can in

it later.

I'll be sure to book a ringside seat.

You do that.

I can't seem to find a certain gambler, and I don't mean Willie.

There's my favorite sailor.

And right where I knew I'd find you.

My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea.

And the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me.

Though nothing fills this heart like the passion I have for thee.

Okay, long fellow. Time for the gambler to go to work. No, I'm just getting

warmed up.

Luke. Yes, darling?

You are incorrigible.

Well, now it appears I have lost my way. Pardon me, you wouldn't happen by any

chance to know where a gambling man could find a card game around here.

sorry, he's a bit tipsy. Darling, mind your step.

How about you two?

Good evening.

Schnell. Liebling.

We get the toot, the toot, toot. If at first you don't succeed.

Again, with gusto.

Come on, folks, don't be coy.

How can I interest you in a game of chance? You can't win if you don't play.

Pickling. Like pickle, but drop the E at an IMG.

It was nice to meet you, Miss Pickling.

The pleasure's all mine.

No need to thank me, ma 'am. As an old Navy corpsman, I'm fully qualified to

play your doc.

So this is what heaven looks like, huh?

Tell me about it.

crispy, greasy, and the food's good, too.

All right, all right. I hate to interrupt you two, but are we playing

or what?

Take it easy, skinny. I raise you $20.

Too rich for me.

All right.

I'll see your 20 to call.

Good pair. Ten high.

Oh, that's a great -looking hand. It's a shame it has to lose to me.

I'm not quoting.

It's a full house. Unbelievable.

And a pleasure doing business with you. Stand back.

Isn't this view every bit as inviting as I said it would be?

As beautiful as my bride, Serena.

Bride?

That was five years ago.

Every day's a honeymoon with you, love.

Happy anniversary.

More champagne?

I'd rather think I've had enough.

Oh, no, there's no such thing as too much. Oh.

To happiness.

And long life.

Is it your dirty double -crosser? I swear I don't have it. Oh, but I know

do, you lying rat. But you made one fatal mistake, and that was to leave the

whose murder you framed me for alive.

That's impossible.

I shot him. Three times in the back.

But with his dying breath, Left Hook Louie begged me to avenge him, and I am

here to do just that. Now, where is the map to Left Hook Louie's lost gold mine?

I don't know. If I knew where it was, I'd tell you. Honest?

Honest. You wouldn't know on it if you married it. Now you step back.

Let go.

What? You're supposed to let go. Oh, yeah, sorry.

It tickles. Look.

Look.

Isn't the moon lovely tonight?

Ouch!

Ouch! Come on, you're killing me here. I'm trying to murder you.

Okay, fine.

Serena? Serena?

What is it?

But nothing, Cassie.

I bet.

Come here, lad.

Good Lord.

The game's a bust and we're missing it. Come on.

Unless this makes the gambler a victim.

Indeed.

Gangway, gangway, gangway, gangway.

Excuse, excuse. Here.

Ah.

This man is dead.

Stabbed in the heart.

And the murder weapon appears to be missing.

Caspi, forgive me, but I've had all the excitement I can take for one day.

Go play some cards. Enjoy yourself.

I'm going to catch up on my beauty run.

Are

you

all right?

I'm fine.

Thank you.

That was good, wasn't it? Fantastic.

Marvellous, marvellous.

I say, did you ever stumble upon that aforementioned card game? No, but that

an excellent idea. Darling, would you mind if I... Go on, enjoy your poker

games. Thank you. This way.

You're sure off to a great start, Mom.

The mystery's a total blast.

Really? Absolutely.

I especially love the way the dad got into his part.

He was cute, wasn't he?

You make a sensational dancehall girl.

What?

Oh, thank you, Nora.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have things to prepare for tomorrow.

I'll see both of you bright and early.

Bye.

Okay, Elvira, what's up?

Nothing is up. I can almost hear those wheels grinding in that busybody brain

yours. There was nothing up.

I should have eaten something at the mixer, and I got a headache.

As if you didn't know a murder to solve.

And since you must have lessons to prepare for your new schoolroom, I will

you adieu. But I could use a bite, too. And seeing the galleys open around the

clock, my dear dance hall girl.

Why not join me for a snack before I bid you adieu to solve this mystery?

Perfect.

What

do

you mean, where was I when the gambler was murdered?

I don't see that as any of your concern.

Unless, of course, you're formally accusing me.

Not at all.

I just happened to notice that you were late to the party.

Which to me would indicate that you were there conveniently early.

Which is when we need to wake up tomorrow. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm

call it a night.

Yeah, me too.

You want the last bite?

No, kill it.

They're splitting up. Yeah, I can see that.

Yeah, of course you can.

What I mean is, are they splitting up because they know we're tailing him and

are forcing us to make a choice?

Or are they splitting to throw each other off their own tails? Or both?

We'd split up to follow him. I'm thinking, let's stick with Reagan. And

because I think she's the killer, but because she's a pro and has the skill to

crack this case. While Elvira, though also skilled, relies more on luck and

seems too obvious a choice to have that part.

I like it.

Wait, wait.

I guess we debated a little too long.

Pick this up in the morning?

Yeah, that sounds good.

Good night.

Good night.

I can't believe the joy of tooting the horn came at such a cost.

To Mr.

Murder.

Yeah, but who could know these things?

I should have known, Hans. Me.

So my sweet Elvira plays the lottery like it's a calling, and there's me, a

plumber, a great plumber, but a poor one, happy to have three nickels to rub

together, and she's out there spending two of them, rain or shine, on a

game, which, of course, I complain about until she wins the big jackpot.

Okay, she hits everything she ever wanted, which, of course, she never lets

forget about.

Well... Seeing as you've experienced the windfall of good fortune, perhaps this

won't sting quite so much.

Oh. Ace is over.

Appears to win again.

Wow. It seems that one can be lucky in love and lucky in cards, eh?

For you, maybe. Me, I'm done with the cards part.

I, too, am past my quota for punishment.

What do you say we make things a little more interesting and maybe, uh...

Double the yards for the next few hands.

I'm all played out.

Ah, as am I.

Whoa,

you okay there?

I'm afraid the excitement of the evening has rather taken its toll.

Well, seeing as I have no one left to deal to, why don't you let me give you a

hand back to your cabin?

Bless you. That's most kind.

You sure you can handle this?

Of course. Besides, I think those eclairs have your name written all over

I thought they did.

Okay, we'll see you tomorrow.

Come on, let's get you to bed.

Oh, maybe just one.

These look pretty good.

Hey, what are you doing out here?

Just hoping you'd show up.

That's so.

Well, you got me.

What?

What aren't you telling me? Okay, look, don't even think about rubbing it in.

Oh.

But, well, being out here on the water, so quiet and relaxing, just you,

me, and the night sky, it happens, Buffy. Oh, so all that complaining that

did before we left home, and I quote...

Do we have to go on this cruise with a bunch of nuts playing dressed -up

crimebusters and how I had to remind you that you were married to one of those

nuts? And now, now you have the nerve? Okay, yes, yes, I admit it. I like the

boat. But more important, I love the joy that you being here brings to your

mother.

Well, you keep talking like that, Mr.

Riley, and you might just get to walk this teacher home from school tonight.

Really? Well, I like the sound of that.

Serena, darling, allow me to introduce the kind gent who... Serena?

Serena?

Serena.

It appears that my dear wife has stepped out for her evening constitutional.

Well, I look forward to meeting her another time, then. Indeed.

Good night. Good night, and thank you so much again.

My pleasure.

A piece of champagne bottle I now fear indicates that while I was in the

act of committing my pretend murder... What? They're supposed to let go.

There was an actual premeditated murder underfoot overhead.

Of course, it took me a moment to realize what I think I saw.

Or heard as the shattering glass grabbed my attention.

However... As the dance hall girl, I had to take the gambler's wallet, which

held Left Hook Louie's map, and then quickly exit the scene of the crime.

Yes, I had to hide the knife before anyone spotted me.

But once I gathered my thoughts, I just knew that Serena

had to be in the act of hitting her husband.

With the champagne bottle and pushing him overboard.

When Luke's dying scream threw her off her game,

causing her to drop the bottle and cut her finger.

Evidenced by the bloody glove I witnessed later in the salon.

Leaving me in a quandary.

As with no hard proof, it's only speculation.

Kathy.

Forgive me, but I've had all the excitement I can take for one day.

If I dared to share my suspicions with anyone, especially Reagan,

I run the risk of ruining Nora's mystery game on nothing more than a half -baked

hunch.

And to do that after she trusted me with the honored role of the murderer and...

Reagan insisted on us just being friends on that trip.

You ate too much, didn't you?

Yes.

Maybe a little.

A little?

Well, let's see.

Oh, we have fried shrimp.

Well, fried shrimp is fried.

Fried oysters, french fries, cocktail sauce, and

eclairs. I'm guessing a dozen.

Good guess.

Go. Well, I just... I will fix you a bicarbonate.

With all due respect... I was only asking if they might be misplaced.

So you said.

And I can assure you that I gave my cabin a very thorough search, as my

cufflinks, hand -engraved, 24 -carat gold, were a treasured gift from my

mum. The Taconite has a very sterling reputation.

One, I'm afraid to say, that is clearly in danger of being tarnished.

Anything we can do here, Mum? I hope that's not necessary.

Well, whatever the cause may be for this misunderstanding,

Any losses anyone might incur are fully insured.

Kathy, your tea.

So, this rogue gets free to nick again. No one is suggesting that. Darling,

it's going to get cold.

Well, I should hope not. Agreed. I only feel that... Only?

There can be no only.

My good sir, never forget that we...

on Nora Riley's most loyal readership. Why, we would revel in the challenge of

bagging this filter.

Caspi, you know how you get without your morning pick -me -up.

Oh, yes, yes, thank you, darling. Of course, of course, and this thievery, if

that's what it is, is certainly troubling.

Troubling?

No. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and this is wrong!

What?

Serena, darling, it's just a cup of tea.

I couldn't help it, Elvira.

You know I've got a mouth on me.

Yeah, and you were only eaten as the cards were falling again, yeah.

I know my limit.

Now, you might, but this Maverick character?

Him, I'm not so sure about.

So, how many times do you have to check on this knife you stashed anyway?

All right.

Here you are.

Oh, thank you.

See?

Thank you.

And who else do we have? Oh, yes. Okay, if Dad's passing out chapters and

Elvira's not first in line... Okay, I wondered how long it would take before

got hooked into this. What are you talking about? Just making an

Sure, sure. Come on, complain.

You know you want to.

I'm only playing to keep Mom happy.

But now you want to win. I don't care about winning. Honey.

Okay, I'd hate losing to Elvira.

So you think that she... The murderer?

No. Mom would never make such a cut -and -dried choice.

Unless you consider that Elvira in that role provides the perfect cover.

Just saying.

30 years and you really think I wouldn't notice Elvira?

You had the happy gait of a Nora Riley murderess ever since you got the costume

and the travel packet.

You know what?

That's the way it should be. The truth is, nothing makes me happier than seeing

you get this much joy out of it. Really? Really?

Even if I keep you up all night reading?

Well, that I hate, but no, even then.

Anywho, do you think Serena really was going to bump off her husband with that

champagne bottle?

Oh, no, that was just to knock him out.

Sure, sure, and then over he goes? Mm -hmm.

Well, you know what?

You're really good at this stuff, Elvira.

Then why am I so stuck on what to do? Why can't I just trust my intuition?

Because Nora gave you a plump part, and even if there's no real trouble afoot,

you'll mess things up for no reason.

Not that you asked, but sometimes...

It's best for you to just stick to being in one murder mystery at a time.

Sometimes you're pretty smart.

As you are beguiling, dear lady.

Oh, brother, go. Go play.

And don't forget, don't be late tonight for our date to the... Grand Dance Ball,

where all are welcome to dine and dance the night away. Until then, happy

reading and happy sleuthing.

Did you see in Chapter 12? I know.

We've got to find left with Louie's missing pouch.

Hans! Hans!

They've already decided the next clue.

We must beat them to the boil.

Yeah, but they haven't had my strudel. Strudel?

I make you the best strudel there may be. Now let's go.

Let's go. Well, sweetheart, I'm off to take my post -breakfast nap, which will

soon be followed by my after -lunch nap.

That's fine, dear, but sometime today, when your eyes are open, please speak

with the captain. So you are worried about this?

If it becomes a distraction, yes.

For the game to work, players have to suspend their disbelief.

A real crime spree will unravel everything.

You know, busting bad guys is what we do.

No, no, no. You're on vacation, and I have years of hand -holding to draw on.

And I have a mystery to attend to. You do tonight.

So, is school's back in session?

You don't mind, do you? No, no. I'm good, teach. I think I'll just grab one

those naps your dad is hoarding.

Go ahead.

Ask me anything. I have nothing to hide.

Other than this?

I did not hide that knife.

You sure knew where to look for it. I had a hunch where it might be.

Didn't see any reason to glue you in.

Unless you put it there and this is one big smoke screen.

Are you accusing me? Why, are you accusing me? No.

Good.

Then I suggest we put the knife back where we found it and see who might turn

to claim it.

Works for me.

Partner.

All anyone knows is that left Louie's pouch was found. They don't know it was

us, and they don't know what's in it.

Now that's an advantage that we're going to lose when the next chapter comes

out. Bingo.

And as it was filled with gold nuggets, it follows Nora's habit.

Incorporating non -fictional events into her fabulous works of fiction. Bingo

again. Nora knows and expects us to do a little digging to know that boats often

ferried gold miners up and down the west coast, including the San Juan Islands.

As Louis was a miner, we need to deduce how he and the gambler were connected if

we hope to ID whoever killed the gambler. And for the win, find what

be a map that the gambler must have stolen from Louis, leading us to Louis'

mine. That's a triple bingo.

Yeah.

Feels so delicious to be out of that itchy costume.

And thanks to a very bad guess who the killer is, finally out of that silly

game. Not much of a Nora Riley fan?

No.

I'm only here for the hubby.

He's playing the stowaway.

Oh, something like that.

Frankly, I find the whole mystery genre a bore.

Well, I think it was great the way he served to the captain this morning.

Seems like a good man.

Isn't he, though?

Still, one would think a career diplomat and married to me would have found

Vienna, Paris, or Rome more apropos for celebrating one's fifth wedding

anniversary.

It was Ivy. She found the pouch.

You're off to a great start.

I'll take four, please.

And one for me.

Check.

That finishes me. That's you.

Well, I shall raise you five large.

And I shall...

See that five large and call you.

Well,

three lovely ladies.

Well, gents, now you know what four dancing dandies look like.

And this, gentlemen, is what retreat looks like whilst one still has one's

shirt. Right behind you.

You're not quitting, too, are you, Willie?

You're on a winning streak. The cards love you.

Well, I promised Elvira I...

Be on time.

Although I guess I could play a couple more hands.

Now you're talking.

All right.

The Taconite sure is a beauty.

Yes, I like to think of her as a floating museum.

She is all that and more.

Why, thank you.

Please, don't wait anymore. Go ahead, eat.

You'll get here.

I am officially grounding Billy when we get home. You can do that?

Okay, you know what? I'll go round him up. That way we can all have a nice,

quiet, relaxing evening.

It's not like you don't have him well -trained, too.

Cassie, you're wasting hot water.

I'm so enjoying Nora's book.

I hate to tear myself away.

Honey.

We're running late for dinner.

I'm sorry, Elvira.

Really, I am.

Not half as sorry as you're going to be when she's standing here.

Yeah, let me help you with your tie.

I messed up, Jack. Oliver really played me.

Lost way more than I planned.

Worse than Elvira will forgive.

Crook even took my watch.

Well, you're positive he cheated? This isn't just you having loser's remorse?

I know he did. I just don't know how.

Okay, but look, we got to put a pin in this for now. All right, I'll run this

all over first thing in the morning.

Your husband was lucky to have only grazed his head.

But as he did suffer a mild concussion, and you can never be too careful, it's

best he rest here overnight.

I'll keep an eye on him.

Okay. Thank you.

I can't tell you what it means to get this off my chest.

I'm happy to help. But with social media, all it takes is one report of

something being stolen, and there goes your four -star rating.

And if this gets out, then I'm really sunk.

Well, I've got to get back to the bridge.

Thanks for looking into this for me.

I'm not going to find these showing up for sale online, am I?

No, you do that.

It reminds me of Nora's book. Oh, The Fault Killer? Exactly. First thing that

came to my mind. Yeah, me too.

I guess we have murder on our mind.

Well, in this case, thank goodness the poor man isn't, you know.

But when you add a bar of soap, a couple on vacation, the similarity to the book

or... Eerily coincidental.

Excuse me.

I need to talk to you.

Sure, I just want to grab a nosh. Yeah, well, talk now, nosh lady. Come on.

All right, you got me.

Thank you, Willie.

I'm afraid that my intuition was right.

Do you like to dance?

Oh, I'm not sure I remember how.

My wife, she was the one who could always get me out there on the dance

no matter how big of a fool I made of myself.

So you're married?

Widowed.

You? Never found the right guy.

Some night, huh?

Quite a day, too.

Yep.

Lovely affair.

Lovely.

I should just confess, admit I'm the mystery cruise motorist.

I still fly.

Tell her I'm the mystery cruise motorist.

Stop this game playing and share my hunch about Serena with Reagan.

Maybe that would get Elvira to tell me what she's not telling me.

But I promised Reagan I wouldn't ruin our vacation, so might better not.

Maybe it's better to leave well enough alone.

So you two are still out here waiting for someone to come for that knife.

Reagan, I'm going to bed.

Elvira, will he eat more than his eyes could hold?

Enough to land in the infirmary. And no, no, I did not lecture him.

Right now, he's more afraid of seeing you than anything I could possibly say.

And that is my report.

Good night, ladies.

Good night. Good night.

My leg's asleep.

Okay.

Watch your head.

I'm making my husband comfortable.

Not that it's any of your concern.

You know what it looks like for me?

Who do you think you are?

Help! This man needs help!

What's going on here? That's what I'd like to know.

Please, make sure he's breathing.

Really.

I gave him something to rest, and he's fine.

Well, I'm certainly not fine.

I'm warning you, Captain.

You keep this crazy woman away from my husband. Honey.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

What?

Someone's at the door.

Open the door.

Coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming.

Reagan.

It's for you.

It's for you.

Reagan. Wow. Come here.

What?

It shows the secret location of Left Hook Louie's lost gold mine.

Pretty cool, huh?

Of course, Nora being Nora.

It's in French.

Well, if you pulled me out of bed to translate this, you're out of luck. No.

Not exactly.

I got you up to tell you that one...

I am the murderer in your mother's mystery game. And two, and yes, I am

my heart and promising that I wouldn't say this if I wasn't sure.

We've got a real murderer on this boat.

What?

Mm -hmm.

And then, when I went to check on Willie, who was under order to stick by

Casper... Until I relieved him, I caught Serena trying to suffocate Casper with

a pillow.

An almost perfect murder, as his death would likely be dismissed as a tragic

result of his concussion. Okay, okay, okay, hold up. Because what you don't

is how I noticed how off you were acting at the crime scene and the murder

gambling. I wanted to tell you then, but please. You didn't want to spoil the

game, which I totally understand.

And Serena? Mm -hmm. When you added how she went off at breakfast over that cup

of tea, making me wonder what was in it.

Not to mention how flippant she was about her anniversary.

Not nice. Not nice.

What's most disturbing, if she really wants Casper dead, and we can't prove it

in the next 24 hours, is that when they get back home, we won't be around to

stop her from murdering that poor sap.

So what do we do? We get serious.

We prove she's the would -be killer you believe her to be. We stick by her

husband at all times and bust her before we dock.

We? Yes, Elvira.

We.

Jack and I made a no -work deal, so we're going to keep this between us

reach out to my sources for the skinny on this Serena.

While they're doing what they do, I'll cozy up to her and try to uncover

whatever evidence we can use.

All right. What do I do? What is my job? To do what you're doing.

Keep your head in the game, only with Casper close at hand. That's all.

Don't undersell it.

By you staying active in the mystery, you can honor your obligation to Mom and

her fans.

And keep Serena from being alone with Casper without alerting her.

Yeah.

Serena may not want her to come on this trip, but she saw this game as an

advantage, a ready, convenient distraction for her murderous plan.

The more comfortable she feels, the more likely she is to strike again.

We need her to try to make a move now while we're here to stop her.

You know, that map being in French, maybe our best break yet.

Do you have any nines?

Two.

This game's not hard.

Queens, go fish.

So, the captain told me there was quite a commotion last night with our wives.

What? That little dust -up? No.

Elvira's Irish. It comes naturally to her. Dust -up?

I heard it was more like a Donnybrook.

Any fives?

No. Go fish.

All I can say is, if Serena had acted like that before we got married, I'd

insisted on five dog years, not five human years for our prenup.

I heard what you said to that big -mouthed husband of yours

who told my Willie that no matter who I hurt...

or how dirty I had to play, I was out to win this game at all costs.

I said no such thing.

Oh, so I'm supposed to believe that Willie made up your trashy talk?

You listen to me, Missy. You stay out of my way, in this game, and on this trip.

You got it?

What a busybody.

And that's being kind.

Well, aren't you two doing well? Thank you.

It's counterfeit, all right.

That's good, too.

So what, someone's been passing these in the card room? I'm afraid so. And not

to talk out of school, but I kind of, well, I bragged to the captain that you

were NYPD's head of major crimes division.

And you said I'd look into it. And I will.

But look, can we keep this between us?

Reagan and I sort of have a no -work pact going and... Say no more.

When it comes to Reagan, I... Well, I always say... Why borrow trouble?

Exactly.

And a very good day to you, sir.

Same to you. Whoa.

Billy!

Where is Casper? Relax.

He's right there. I haven't let him out of my sight.

When the captain told me that he released you two and I couldn't find

I never run so fast in my life and in this getup.

Hey, Willie?

Uh, you ready? Oh, yeah, I gotta, we're gonna... Go, go.

Uh, listen.

Casper had a prenup with the wife. They kept her out of his millions. Yeah, his

millions, okay? That just expired, if you take my meaning. I got it.

Oh, you know the type.

Their life isn't all that exciting, so to fill their empty spaces, they have

to... Make your life miserable?

Been there, took care of that.

Really?

Oh,

believe you me.

Any woman who thinks she can stick her nose into my business is going down.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Ugh. The hubby.

You know how needy they can be.

I got her picture and sent it off. How are things on your end? Good. I'm about

to put Operation Casper into motion.

All right, well, the Secret Service is usually pretty quick at getting back to

me, so while we're waiting for them to weigh in on these counterfeit 20s, let's

take a look at the card room security footage.

Really?

Yeah.

Shit. Hey, let's say we give them the slip and see what we can do to get it.

Right on.

Come on.

Fear the mouth around for the kid?

What? Mice and cheese.

Them. We must choose who to follow. I know who we must follow. It's the

hall girl, Elvira.

Elvira? Yeah.

Don't be silly.

Okay, if it isn't Elvira, then why is the stowaway who has barely played the

game all of a sudden stuck like glue to her?

He knows something.

That's why he's been laying in wait.

Barely played?

Like glue.

It's not Elvira. No, it's Casper. He's a murderer.

After him. This way, this way, Hans.

Annie!

That was a close one. It was? Sure.

Why do you think I pulled you in here?

I couldn't very well let you fall into their clutches.

Into whose clutches?

Come here.

Move your feet.

Go, Hans, go.

Go. Those two.

They've been following you two everywhere.

Yeah.

Somehow they must have learned that Elvira and I found left to glue his map.

And that there's only one man on board who can interpret it.

Really?

Yes.

For the guys left in play, I have either Casper or Hans.

Same here.

Both equally likely.

What about me?

I'm not a suspect?

Not unless you have an evil twin.

Considering you were standing right beside me when the murder went down.

Okay, well, then how do you explain the fact that you're still the top suspect

on my list of femme fatales?

A femme fatale.

Don't be silly.

What about Greta? You have her?

I do.

I also have Reagan.

Reagan is Nora's daughter.

You think that's a qualified word?

By itself, it's just... Nora never penned the obvious suspect.

Reagan Riley is the only one playing with a real private eye.

One of the best in the business. She's taken down some of the nastiest bad guys

the world has to offer.

Nora would know that casting her as a murderer would be about playing her

against type, which is pretty obvious.

I see that more as a misdirect.

I might too, if she wasn't also married to a hot shot detective, which makes her

even more obvious.

The main reason I think Reagan isn't our killer...

It's because her best friend, Elvira Meehan, is the world's most famous

sleuth. And Nora Riley's biggest fan. You're not suggesting that it's a black

woman?

That's the big question mark.

Too obvious?

Too devious.

Because if Nora cast Elvira as the murderer, then she made the most obvious

choice of all.

We have to go back to the board.

My French is... But I believe I can translate

this.

However, thrilling though it is to be part of your team, I must admit I'm a

wary of your sudden alliance.

Well, after staying up all last night trying to decipher this map, we knew

it would partner or perish.

Pun intended.

You see, once we learned that you were an international diplomat, we figured if

anyone could parlez -vous français and crack this, it's you.

Well, crack it I shall.

Oh, excuse me.

Yeah, Jack Riley.

What? Oh, no, no, no, it's the perfect time.

Yeah, thanks for getting back to me so quickly.

Uh -huh.

Sure, sure.

Identity thief.

Stole a winner's ticket, costume.

Well, sometimes you just get lucky.

Yeah, I know, right? What are the odds?

All right, I'll email you a current picture so you know who to greet when we

dock in the AM.

Okay, thanks for your help.

Willie, say hello to our counterfeiter and our card sheet.

I don't trust men with hair.

Neither.

I really think we should warn him.

About what?

That we suspect his wife's trying to kill him?

The FBI's running the picture. I emailed them of her through their next -gen

identification system.

And whoever she is won't be secret for long. But if we don't know what?

Without solid evidence, Casper's just as likely to hurry back to Serena and tell

her what the crazy lady said than the only thing that we can count on.

Is her waiting till she gets back home to kill him without our interference?

If you look right here at the cup of his sleeve, you'll see it.

All right, this is what allows him to make sure he controls the game.

I'm such a sucker.

No, Willie, you're not.

This guy's a career con man.

He's at one casino and card room after another.

Always assuming another identity, always playing the happy loser while you can

count up a bill because you built up trust.

And then he cleans folks out.

Unless we stop him.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Only one way to find out.

The body handprint, all right. It's too small to be a man's.

So our murderer is a woman.

which eliminates Casper and Hans and has me thinking this just might be...

Greta!

Eureka! The mark for left -hooked Louise Goldbein.

Now all I have to do is crack the longitude and the latitude and the

be ours.

Cracking, eh?

Cracking.

Take first watch, don't argue why, you pick second so he doesn't die.

And no getting out of the car if you get my meaning.

We stick with the plan no matter what.

He's going to go to his room to dress for the farewell dinner and we can't

him. But if we let anything hinky, we're going in to get him. And we go in as a

team.

Stay. First watch.

Team. Good.

Now go change.

And wear sensible shoes.

It could be a long night.

I've got it!

So what do you think, Willie, old boy? Do you think you're ready to do what I

taught you?

That scalawag is about to receive his comeuppance compliments at the Jack

Reithers School of Card Bombing.

Ow.

Okay, we're on pins and needles.

Where is Left Hook Louie's lost loot?

You are both going to delight in this.

Left Hook Louie's mine.

is a mere five miles from where we're going to dock tomorrow at the end of the

mystery cruise. So, though we have yet to identify the killer, as the lucky

caretakers of the map, at least we've uncovered the motive.

Kat, where has the day gone?

As I am past due joining my dear Serena for our farewell affair, we will have to

adjourn for a brief intermission.

Goodbye. Bye.

Okay.

Okay, we've got to... Twelve hours left before we dog from Casper's beyond our

reach to protect him.

Now you make sure he makes it to his room in one piece while I get changed

You call those sensible?

I call them passionately sensible.

Really?

Well done.

Thank you.

Okay. The more we've talked about it, the more we know it can't be Greta.

means, despite all the reasons we listed, why it shouldn't be them leaves

with... Reagan.

Or Elvira.

Which one?

I don't think it's a good idea.

Grab it. No, you grab it. But I said it first. You volunteered me first.

Same thing.

Read them and weep, boys.

What? Don't go away.

What? Don't you want a chance to win your money back?

Forgive me for interrupting, sir, but I think you've inadvertently taken my

seat. Willie, what a nice surprise. I thought you said you'd lost your last

hand. Once again, sir, you're in my seat.

You're welcome to it.

I take first watch. Don't argue why.

You take second so he doesn't die.

Stay. First watch.

Team.

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

What do I do?

Casper?

Casper?

Casper?

Casper? Are you okay?

How nice of you to drop in.

Stay back.

You don't want to catch this. It's a killer.

Oh, it's a shame you're feeling so punk.

You know, I ran into Casper this afternoon. We made plans for all of us

a cocktail before dinner.

Oh, and Casper already left.

Funny he never mentioned meeting for drinks.

Well, don't let me spoil your fun.

Have a lovely evening.

Kathy, dear, I'm so sorry if you're uncomfortable.

I'd hope to kill you like all my other husbands, but only without warning.

That was before many naughty pants interfered, making it impossible for me

cash in as the grieving widow.

Your discomfort doesn't bother me one bit, even that lying Reagan Riley.

Nothing would please me more than throwing you two overboard.

But sadly, my...

survival must take precedent over such instant gratification.

Stop complaining.

I wasted five years of my life on this marriage.

At my age, do you think five years grows on a tree?

Well,

of course I'm going to get away with it, silly.

I always do.

Why, by the time your partner finds you, I will be ro...

Row, rowing my boat far, far away.

Escaping now, escaping now.

To kill another day.

Go, go! I'm moving my feet!

So,

do you have any children?

Yeah, two.

Both in college.

One on the east coast and one out west.

You have a beautiful family.

I wish each other every summer and all the holidays.

That is, when they aren't skiing or traveling with friends.

When they're this age, you don't see them half as often as you'd like to.

Would you

care to dance?

There's... No music.

I know.

Now I don't have to worry about staying on the beat.

Madame.

Monsieur.

Aren't you a little underdressed? Have you seen Elvira?

No. Why?

What's wrong?

Nothing. Reagan?

No, nothing really. I just need her to... Look, if you see Elvira, tell her

had to stay put.

Now, do you really want to open that box, Pandora? But I smell trouble.

What else is new?

Look on the bright side.

With that pair up too.

Whatever. You'll probably have the plot for your next book by the end of the

night.

Elvira.

Elvira, are you in there?

And I'll raise 100.

Not with these.

Well, Oliver, enter out.

I'm in.

I'll see your 100 and call.

Two pair, queen high. Two pairs, king high.

Well, that's it for me.

That's not it for me. Would you pass those cards over?

My pleasure.

Bust it.

Bust it open. No. It's bad enough that we stole it.

Borrowed.

Shame, Greta.

Detective

Greta.

Beck, we must take this back to the captain before we suffer further shame.

Okay, come here.

Hurry up. She's getting away. She's stealing a light. Go.

Go.

Careful.

I can't find my satchel.

But doesn't it have the... That's for chapter 21, yes. I thought I had it with

me.

Nora, you don't think... Someone would actually cheat to learn who the mystery

gay murderer is?

I know I hid it in the salon. That's why I've been storing all the chapters for

you. Well, then that's where we should look. Oh, I hope there's no trouble.

You're right.

It's got to be... Her, I know.

Oh, but why rush it?

Don't you think we should?

No. Yes.

No. Me too.

We could always pick this up later.

We could.

Right where we left off.

Or better yet,

I know where this might take us.

On... One. Two. Three.

We've formally accused... Nora was just here.

Well, you know what that means.

Exactly. We can't find Nora.

We have to do our accusing face to face.

I'll call that.

And raise you... Ten thousand.

Well, I think this will cover your ten large.

Four lucky sevens for the win.

Ollie, I know you'll correct me if I'm wrong, but in poker, nothing beats a

royal flush.

You're a cheater. It takes one to know one.

What's really going to sting is I'm a cop.

And you're under arrest.

That's not here either. I'm so sorry. Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

Oh, Captain, perhaps you... Hold on.

What do we have here? We formally accuse the dance hall girl... Of murder.

Look what we found.

What is this?

Quiet! Quiet!

My wife. She's a murderer.

No, a real murderer.

So that means Alvira was right.

So Reagan must watch him.

No, no, no.

Tellers don't get you. The freezing water will. Now let me help you.

Police!

What'd I tell you?

Fashionable and... Sensible.

Hey, what are you doing up here?

I'm looking everywhere for you.

I'm sorry, Reagan.

What are you talking about?

I did it again.

I didn't wait in the car.

Or should I say storage room?

I almost got you killed. You saved my life.

I did what I always do. And that's getting lucky because of you.

You were right. I have no business being in your business.

No.

No, I was wrong.

And I'm the one who needs to apologize.

Me telling you to ignore your gift.

And that's what you have. A gift for spotting trouble even before it happens.

All I know is thank goodness you got out of that car.

We dodged a real black widow.

And the way I see it, it'd be a crime not to open up a detective agency

together.

Partner?

Isn't it every bit as faboo as I promised it would be? Every bit.

Come on, Reagan. Be a big girl and admit how much you like it.

It's beyond faboo. I know.

Tallulah liked it so much, we almost decided to use it for her and her

friends for their play dates.

Didn't we, sweetie?

I guess.

Anyway, we're just thrilled that you love your new space for the Meehan and

Riley Detective Agency.

The Riley and Meehan Agency.

Not according to your door.

Anyway, I've been uptown and down making sure that anyone involved with anything

they're desperate to keep off page six comes to see you at your one -stop crime

shop.

Yes,

it is, Lulu. It is time for our afternoon nappy.

Goodbye.

Thanks, Cass.

Meehan and Riley Detective Agency.

This is Elvira Meehan.

How can we help you?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, my goodness. Go on. Oh, I'm listening. Mm -hmm.