Original subtitles

What the fuck?

Oh, hi.

Hello. Are you Maxwell?

Yeah. Hi. Well, we're from your new health insurance company, and we've been

sent out to do a quick physical exam with you since you started the new

with us.

So if that's all right with you, we can conduct the exam now.

Okay, yeah, sure. Do you guys want to come inside?

Yeah.

How are you doing today?

Doing pretty good. Thanks for coming.

I didn't, I don't know if I knew about this.

Yeah, this is my living room. You guys want to do it here?

Yeah, sure.

Okay, I'm just going to start with some questions.

Yeah.

Alright.

I'm going to have you check your date of birth and all that stuff right there on

the computer.

Yep, that's me.

And the date of birth of her?

Yep. And your name?

Yeah, that's my address.

Yeah, Maximum Johnson -Phillips, that's my name, yep.

That's pretty good.

Off to a good start.

So now, I think we're just going to do the rest of the questionnaire on here.

Sure. So I'm just going to ask you the questions here.

What is your general activity level for the week?

I'm pretty active.

Alright. How would you describe it? Like how many hours a day?

Um, at least one to two hours a day.

Okay. Like high intense cardio workout.

High intense cardio?

Good for the heart? Yeah.

Yeah, I think.

Okay. And do you smoke?

No. Not tobacco.

use drugs?

Define drugs.

Anything that's not prescribed.

Okay, okay.

I smoke some weed, I smoke some recreational marijuana, and that's it.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Okay.

Are you sure that's it?

Yeah, I promise.

I haven't done drugs since college, I promise.

I know, you guys are medical professionals, I can tell you whatever.

Well, I'm glad you can be open.

Yeah.

Next question.

How many hours a night do you usually sleep?

I try to get eight hours.

That's good. Yeah.

Probably more like six.

And six hours. I guess so.

I'm sorry.

Do you have... Any medications that you take that are prescribed?

No. No?

All right, so I think we're going to begin the examination.

Do you want to go ahead and pack your laptop?

Yes.

I'm going to have Haley do it. She's our trainee today, so I'm going to walk her

through that, if that's okay.

Okay, sure.

I'm going to start with taking a pulse.

You're just going to go ahead and handle your eyes.

No, not yet. Oh, okay.

You're going to be able to just end.

You're going to stray a little, Garrison.

Where? I'm sorry.

I was not supposed to... Do you think we like to wait and just come to people's

houses?

I mean, you guys are cutting it.

I mean, we can show them our certification, but you really need to

training. Okay, sorry.

I'm just going to go ahead and see if you can build a pole.

Okay. And check your watch.

Oh, I forgot it.

It's okay, I'll go ahead.

Start counting.

Okay, go.

Are you questioning? No, no, no, no.

Go ahead and count.

I think it's a little bit high.

How many did you get? How many did you count? Like 20?

That is a lot.

What the fuck?

Are you reflecting that rate?

I'm a little nervous, okay? Put that in.

I'm sorry. I didn't expect the nurse to be... It's okay. Go ahead and calm down.

Excuse me, sir. We're trying to be professional here.

Yeah, right, right.

Okay, she's going to go ahead and check on your breathing. So you're going to go

ahead and use your stethoscope.

Haley, you can go ahead.

You're going to put your stethoscope on the back.

We're going to have you breathe in. Okay.

And out.

Sit down, please.

Okay, move it to that quadrant on the back.

Nice and low.

Ready?

You okay?

Something's grabby back there.

I don't hear it. I think it's clear.

Do I do the front?

Yeah, we're going to do the front.

Okay.

I'm just trying to be a good boy.

I'm just trying to be a good boy.

I didn't know this was coming.

Yeah,

you know, I eat a lot of protein.

Well,

yeah, I'm not vegan, that's for sure.

Okay,

thanks. It was a compliment. I see you. Sorry.

That was a force of habit. You were touching me. Well, I didn't see her

you.

I was just giving you a medical examination.

Okay. All professional.

Okay, all right, all right. I'm sorry for questioning your methods.

Go ahead. Let's just wrap this up, you know? Okay. I think we have one more.

I think she deserves a stress test. What is a stress test?

We're just going to go ahead. I'm going to hold your hand. Okay.

Hold your pulse.

And she's going to stress you out, and we're going to see if your heart reacts

to it.

Okay.

All right. Whatever.

I'm sorry. Try to compose yourself a little bit so you're calm when the test

starts, and then you can have a better reading.

You could just drive to the doctor. You could do that. No, no. You're totally

right. You're right.

You're right. You're right.

Okay. All right.

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Alright. Alright, what's the stress test exactly?

I'm calm.

You're calm? Mm -hmm. Take a deep breath.

Yep. Close your eyes. Be in a happy place.

Open your eyes!

Oh my god. Holy shit.

Okay. How was the reading?

That was a nice spike.

Nice spike.

You have good reflexes. Good job.

Where did you pull this massive pitch from? I can't even see them.

Well, that is for the test.

Okay. Should we see if the senses are working?

Yeah. I think we could, yeah.

Well, I think it would really help us out if for this part of the exam you

remove your pants.

What?

My pants?

Yeah, I'm not done with the exam.

Are you going to do like the cough thing where you like... Sure, yeah.

Okay, sure. Why don't you take his hands off?

All right, fine. Yeah, you can be in a doctor's office. You know the doctor do.

Yeah, you're right. A nurse is better. A nurse is better. I need a doctor.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm being just, you know, a little nervous.

Turn around. Can you take your hands off?

Yes, please.

All right. Are

you ready?

um yeah sure sure i'm ready my girlfriend's in the other room so it

looks like

he had another reaction from the dress though maybe a little bit what is this

no no i'm soft are you sure

yeah i think they received it

Are you a grower or are you a show writer?

Is that one of the questions? I'm a grower, for your information.

Claims? Yeah, we don't know.

Okay, whatever.

If you want to, we can prove that.

I don't even know what to say.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm a little stressed out. I'm sorry.

I'm not used to two pretty girls examining my balls.

Did you want us to examine your balls?

I thought this was what you guys were doing.

I mean, mine as well.

For here, right?

Do you want to?

I think we might need to. Yeah. Okay, go ahead.

You guys are medical professionals?

Yeah. We need to grease.

It's for science, I guess.

So I'm just going to lift this out of the way.

All right. Damn.

Sorry, my hands might be a little cold.

She's got a grip on her.

Well, I just need to make sure to secure it nicely.

You need to get each one individually.

I'm sorry. It's embarrassing.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. It's very nice. Actually. Very

Very nice. We see many of these.

Thanks.

Definitely packing this part up. Yeah.

Has it packed up to the other ones you see?

They always have. Some are way older.

Oh my god.

Everything feels good. I'm not feeling any abnormalities.

Oh, I get it now. You guys are checking for lumps.

Yeah. Oh, for cancer. Okay, all right, cool.

What did you think we were going to be doing?

I don't know.

How do you feel that? Oh, fuck. Yeah, I feel that.

I don't think the balls are too long to touch. Oh,

shit. Make sure that you feel the sensation.

Yeah, I'm looking hard for you guys.

We're just trying to be professional here.

I'm sorry.

I think we

have to mix the hygiene.

Yeah.

I'm going to hold it for you so you can get in there.

They're very clean, very little odor.

Yeah, try it.

They smell like soap.

Good job. Not very many passed that test. You've been a great patient today,

actually. Very good.

Thanks, ladies.

One more thing.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You don't need to keep reminding me to be professional.

I mean, I thought you guys were the professionals. You guys are smelling my

balls. Please, for science.

Okay, right. This is for your own health and benefits, sir.

Right.

Disrespecting nursing.

Anyway, actual test.

Let's be nice to my balls.

I think I'm going to give it a taste test.

A taste test?

Yeah. Let's make sure that your thumbs are working.

Okay, sure. Everything's all good, nothing.

If you want to perform it, pretty nurse lady.

Well, our trainees have to do.

You make all your trainees fuck dick.

I had to do it.

Really? Yeah.

Ah, shit.

Are you as good as her, then?

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

how's it taste? Are you enjoying this? Yeah, fuck yeah, I am.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah?

Oh, shit.

Do you want it?

Yeah,

you should try it. Back in your day, you'd probably feel good.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Oh, damn.

Yeah, no.

God, yeah.

No wonder.

I think you need to train her a little bit more.

Well, you have to be vocal with what you like. You can't just expect us to know

everything.

She's doing a pretty good job with that. She's doing great.

With those pretty eyes.

Oh fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh yeah, do that shit again with your face.

Fuck on the balls.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ah, that's so fucking good.

Fuck.

She's a really good trainee.

Yeah, she's great.

She has a great willingness to please.

Oh, my God.

Pop your lips on it.

Oh, fuck. That looks so good.

Don't let me just fuck your lips.

Oh, fuck. That is really fucking nice.

Get back in there, whore.

Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah. The whole thing.

Fuck, maybe I should do a taste test on you guys.

Yeah, I mean, it's only fair that he examines us back.

Yeah. I definitely think so, too.

Thanks, guys.

That checks out.

Well, what do you want to taste first?

Um... Can you taste these massive titties you flashed me?

Oh. I mean, you have to. I guess so.

Yeah, I think you're right.

Stop tipping your mouth.

Oh, God.

Now you're going to be good.

I didn't know you got rid of those kind of ears.

How much do you think you got?

The best kind.

There you go.

oh my god

Do you want to the next place?

Yes please.

Holy shit.

Oh shit, I don't know what to do first.

Oh my god.

Damn, this is gonna suck the fucking ass.

Oh my god, yeah.

Get up a little.

Oh, I'm gonna see. Jiggle, fuck.

He does have this great outfit.

Oh my god.

Oh, yeah, I think it's something like that.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

I mean, should I just do a field test too?

I mean, I think you guys need to do a field test on me, right?

I mean, I think we have time.

Yeah, I think you guys have to.

Right?

Okay. She's the trainee, right? So should I put it in her first?

Yeah. I'll walk her through it. Thank you. Yeah, put it in. Yeah, spread it

me. Okay.

Oh, fuck.

This girl's got a tight little hole.

Maybe the first one of the day.

Yeah, the first one of the day. How many guys are here fucking today?

It is definitely very hard.

You've got very good blood flow in there.

You guys are testing for ED.

I get it now.

I think so.

Yeah, yeah, let me get in here.

I'm going to observe.

Yeah.

Spread it open for me. Help me out.

Oh, wow. It looks tight.

What do you think?

I like this one. It's got a tight hold, too.

Oh, what's that?

Oh, shit.

Am I bigger than most of your patients, too?

It's definitely harder than most.

It's so true.

Oh my god.

It's really so fucking hard.

Holy fuck.

I like how your butt jiggles. It's so good.

Oh, you can make me go away right here. Yeah, you do.

Oh, it's so good.

Come on,

I want to see you stress a lot harder. I'm so fucking tired.

It'll be your cardio for the day.

It feels good, doesn't it?

It's so fucking good.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. Why?

You might be the best patient I've had so far.

Have a

taste.

That's good.

Oh

my God.

Fuck! That's so good.

You take it so good.

You can probably really act professional.

All you do is a practice.

Fuck!

So good.

Keep going. Keep fucking going.

Fuck! Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

oh my god

Yeah, that's good, that's good.

Yeah,

yeah. Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah, so fucking good.

I'm gonna

take

these off

Are you ready for the riding demonstration?

Yeah, sure.

Fuck yeah. Oh my god, your ass is so fucking nice.

Fuck yeah.

Oh my god, yeah.

Oh my god, that was so nice.

Oh, fuck yeah.

That was normal.

oh my god i like when you bounce on it like that it looks so nice

It's sounding so good. It looks so good. Fucking good.

Oh my god.

Holy fuck, guys.

Oh yeah.

Holy shit.

Fuck.

Oh my god.

oh my god

Did you have any questions?

I can't think of any, but I'm excited to try and talk.

Fuck! Oh my god, it's coming all the way up. Fuck!

Oh my god.

You are fucking crazy.

Oh my god. Oh, fuck.

Fuck yo, teach your fucking trainee how to do that shit.

Oh, my God. She's going to choke.

She's going to choke.

You're so good.

Holy fuck, you both feel so good.

oh my

god

Oh my god, I just pushed it out.

Okay. Yeah, how are you going to extract my sperm?

I think so.

Isn't that the best way?

Here,

grab and put it in for me.

That's my dad's name. Call me Max.

That's so good.

Oh my goodness.

Fuck.

oh my god

Yeah, get down.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Every drop.

Here, you take some toothpaste.

Oh, shit.

Oh my gosh!

You made a little bit of a mess with the sample, Izzy.

Well, maybe I can do a little taste test.

Very healthy. Very healthy. Any taste?

Yeah.

Great sample. Thank you very much. I'm written up.

See ya.

We got a pretty, pretty high count.

Should we sample this one too? Yeah. Make sure. There we go.

Very good quality. Very good.

Thank you so much, ladies. We'll be coming back for a routine checkup every

three weeks. Every three weeks. That sounds great.

Thanks, lady. Yeah, absolutely.

Fuck yeah, you guys are great. You guys can come over anytime.

Well, thank you for being a good patient.

Yeah, of course.

We'll see you in three weeks. All right.

Sweet. Let me help you find your fucking clothes.