Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language and adult humour

Ha-ha!

No way!

Uh... Gosh.

Where's the hole?

HE HONKS

Eurgh! Oh!

Uh... Are you having a laugh?

Oh!

JUDI GASPS - Oh! - Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. And a big old welcome to Taskmaster.

The bad news is this is the penultimate episode.

The good news is none of

the tasks involve our contestants' tongues

or the horrific rivers of flob you witnessed last week.

Four of the contestants have won two episodes each,

and one of them has won no episodes.

But that's the joy of Taskmaster.

Someone can leave without a single win to their name,

become a national embarrassment,

letting down their family and their friends,

and still have fun.

It doesn't even matter who that person is.

LAUGHTER

Please welcome Ardal O'Hanlon, Bridget Christie,

Chris Ramsey, Judi Love,

and Sophie Duker.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And next to me,

a man who told me in a private moment that having

a woman pilot an aeroplane is like putting a squirrel in charge of

the peanut farm.

HIGH-PITCHED: It's little Alex Horne.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I've completed this month's list.

Would you like to hear this month's list? Yes, please.

This month's list is five reasons why

I love doing this show.

Number one, it's a great laugh.

Number two, I really like the floor manager.

He's got a great sense of style.

Number three, I get free Wi-Fi during the show,

slash there's a great atmosphere sometimes.

Number four,

isn't it fun to see how different people

try to attempt the tasks?

And number five, it provides me with an alibi in case I get accused of

a crime I didn't commit on the night of the recording.

Those are the five reasons why I love doing this show.

And now we can start it.

Right. Come on, then. What's the prize task category?

Well, Greg, today you and you alone have asked them to bring in

the best object with a handle.

Ooh. AUDIENCE: Ooh!

That's right, but it is episode nine,

so I think it's sort of fair enough.

The best objects with a handle will mean five points for

the person who brought it in, and the winner of this very episode

will stride home proudly clutching five objects by their handles.

What I'm looking for is a bit of imagination.

That's all. That's all I ask.

Judi. Yeah. What's your prize?

Well, as you said about imagination...

Let it run. Let it run free. I just let the creativity, you know,

come from within, and I brought a small bike.

Yes, here's her bike that she's brought in.

There we go. Best object with a handle.

It's got a handle on it, that's what... The handlebar.

You've got two handles. Two handles.

You might be a one-handler.

I was a no-handler back in the day.

Oh, bad boy. Bad boy. Yeah.

But what I'm saying is,

imagine me on that bike.

Who can handle that? Do you understand?

Incredible. Is it?

You have just brought in a kids bike, and yet,

you've talked it into something truly poetic.

And yet, still no wins.

LAUGHTER

Sophie, can you beat a child's bike?

I've brought you a wheel of fortune. Oh.

Ooh.

Here it is. Ooh, look at that. What does it do?

I don't understand what it does. So, you see the triangles? Yeah.

We're really bad at making decisions. Yeah.

You stick the decision you want... It's like a Rubik's cube, but flat.

You spin the wheel with the handle.

Are you proposing that we write things in the blank spaces?

You can put whatever you want.

I put it to you that that'll land at

the same place every time, cos that handle will weigh it down.

I didn't really...

I didn't really expect my fortune to be combated with science. Um...

And the other problem is there's only, like, ten possible

things that can happen to you for the rest of your life.

Yeah, that's more than you were expecting.

LAUGHTER

We have got to be realistic at our age, Ardal.

I'd set... They're all good things.

I'd settle for eight.

I don't know what the hell she's brought in.

I still don't know. It's got a handle.

The only thing I want to write on any of those triangles is one point.

Chris, can you do worse than that?

I've brought a kettle.

Here it is. And I'll tell you why.

You'd better make it good.

It's a giant jug and, if you want, it can make it hot.

And when you're using it as a jug,

you can go all the way past the max fill line.

All the way to the top. Doesn't matter.

No wonder Ramsey went after

the black and white spinny thing so hard.

It was very much a defence mechanism.

LAUGHTER

Ardal, can you beat a kettle?

I brought a chess piece queen. Ooh.

Yes, here is the chess piece queen. Has it got a handle?

It hasn't got a handle. Where's the handle?

It has a handle. Where?

Here.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

What does the king look like?

The king looks...a little bit like her.

Slightly different handle.

They're... Ardal, you've done very well.

Thank you.

Bridget.

I have brought in a door.

Here is Bridget's door.

Oh, dear. Well, I would like to see how you got on in your house

with no doors.

People would be coming in, taking all your stuff.

A door is also metaphorical.

As one door opens, another closes, and vice versa.

That's not always true. A door to...

He's right, that isn't always true. Pardon?

Well, like when I shut my garage door, I always wait,

but nothing opens.

That's not my fault.

OK, well, you've seen all five. The last one was a door.

I'm going to do a speed scoring. You ready? Ooh, I love this. Yes.

So it's one point to..? Kettle.

Chris. Good. Door.

Bridget, two points.

Weird spinny thing.

That's Sophie, three.

Little bike.

Judi, four points. Chess piece.

Gets five points, that's Ardal O'Hanlon.

There it is! APPLAUSE

Give me a task proper, immediately.

Right. Here we go. Ding-dong.

Ardal. Hi, Alex. Are you ready for the task?

I think so.

Sophie, let's do it.

OK.

Where is it? It's coming.

Oh!

HE LAUGHS

Oh, wow. Wow.

Oh. Now that's made me very happy.

This is very Mary Poppins. I really like it.

Where do you want the umbrella to go? Up?

OK.

Wahey!

ARDAL SIGHS

Ooh!

Oh, thank you.

£50 note.

It's like the best birthday ever.

Get the most surprising thing...

..delivered to the Taskmaster house.

You have...six hours!

Your time starts now.

What, I could just order anything? Something surprising, please, Judi.

See, in the north-east,

I could surprise yous all for how much 50 quid will get you. A house?

Yeah, a house, yeah. Get a couple of houses.

I'm going to order me a man! Ha-ha!

How about a burrito for lunch?

So you're thinking of that?

I'm thinking of keeping the money.

Do I just..? You have to say the magic word.

Bye.

Ha! I've got 50 quid to spend.

APPLAUSE

Watching your delight at

a small umbrella being lowered on some fishing wire

made me feel fatherly towards all of you.

Yes. And then, when you further went on to be so excited by

the £50 that you had to spend,

I felt like you were all my weird children.

Aww, Daddy.

It's called Stockholm Syndrome. Yeah. We're conditioned.

Well, for me too, Ardal.

LAUGHTER

But I did, I found it really delightful,

and I thought, "Oh, my God, all my cynicism's left me."

How am I going to... Aww. ..judge them harshly?

Then your suggestions started to come in.

As far as I can work out, it was a burrito,

two northern houses, and a male prostitute.

So, unusually, they had six hours to get the surprising thing delivered.

Shall we start? Yeah. OK, well,

a wise man once said Love always delivers.

So here she is. Good luck, Judi.

Alex?

Oh, good, I didn't have to call you twice.

Hello, Judi.

Delivery!

Go and have a little poke around, see what's in there.

You want to see if it's real.

I don't like it.

Well, you wanted something weird.

Surprising. OK, well thank you, Judi.

What do I do with it?

Cook it. Eat it.

Cook it and eat it. Yeah. OK.

I'll leave it to you, babes. Thank you, babes.

You can't bring it in here though.

APPLAUSE

I was quite surprised. Exactly.

I was surprised at how much I looked like the damn fish.

Yeah, well, I mean, you know, she fulfilled the brief, didn't she?

It's very out of character. Normally...

None of us saw a load of awful fish heads... Yeah.

..on top of a skateboard.

Never expected that, did you, Alex?

And it skateboarded down to us. Mm.

I mean, come on. So you spent a fiver on a load of fish guts,

put them on someone else's skateboard, and the 45 went to...?

Nando's.

LAUGHTER Yeah. That is...

Very good. Very good.

Very strong opener. Who's next? It's a strong opener.

Just to let you know, Ben from the team

did make a fish stew with it and ate it, and apparently it's delicious.

Good that it didn't go to waste. What's next?

OK, here is the surprising thing that Ardal had delivered.

DOORBELL RINGS

Perfect.

What...what is it? It's an owl.

Well, it's not a real owl. It's a scarecrow owl.

Wind-operated.

At least I think it's wind. Might be wind.

There's nothing to wind...

It's wind-operated.

I think a bird would recognise this as a predator.

And would be very frightened. Birds are a menace.

OK, thank you, Ardal.

You're welcome.

If we had a little draft in here,

I think it would be more effective.

APPLAUSE

Now that we've all got to know each other a bit, Ardal,

I have to confess that

you bringing in a plastic scarecrow owl,

it was not a great shock to me.

Was that the first thing you thought?

Like, "Oh, he'll probably bring in a scarecrow owl?"

No, but it would've been in my top five guesses.

I mean, I'd say, like Judi's, it did look a bit like him,

don't you think? What?

You think Ardal looks like a scarecrow owl?

A little bit. Can we have a look at it? See if it looks like Ardal?

Yeah, it's the yellow eyes that give it away, isn't it?

It's the baffled look.

And the flat face, yeah.

Now that's the most surprising thing of this section. Yeah.

Good. Who's next?

Next up, we're going to have a delivery

straight from Ramsey Street. Ooh.

Ah. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Here we are.

Easy-peasy.

APPLAUSE

Not bad. Fair play to you. I wasn't expecting two things.

I wasn't expecting you to use an actual human baby,

and I wasn't expecting to have the confusing feelings

I had when you were beautifully shot walking across

the courtyard holding it. Double surprise.

JUDI: I feel a bit disturbed. Why?

He bought a baby online.

CHRIS: Oh, sorry, should it...

Would you have felt better if it was sent down the drive on a skateboard?

Yeah. Possibly. I mean, you bought a baby online.

Listen, I didn't buy a baby online. That's ridiculous. I've got a guy.

LAUGHTER

WHISPERS: That's the end of part one.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Thank you. Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Are we delivering tonight, Alex?

Well, you are, Greg, and the competitors are delivering too,

or at least they're trying to get

the most surprising thing delivered to

the Taskmaster house within six hours.

Now it's time for Duker's delivery.

Boop-boop.

Thank you. Alex? I got you something.

Just a present.

They're moving. Yeah.

There are loads and loads and loads of them.

That one's little little Alex. Thank you.

That one's little little little Alex.

I really like them.

I thought you could relate to them, in a way.

They're, like, very busy. They have no spine.

Lovely. All right, well, I'll... I'll deal with these.

Uh, bye-bye. Bye. Thanks for my delivery.

You are dark, man!

Sorry.

Slam. Yeah. Sophie slammed you.

She implied I'm an invertebrate.

She said you're a spineless worm. Oh, was that what you m...?

Oh, I see. Uh, no. No. There's no... Just loosey-goosey.

It was an absolutely revolting juxtaposition between

the pretty basket and the worms.

I was surprised, but I wasn't SURPRISED.

Little little Alex.

Little little points.

SHE EXHALES

Just so you know, the worms were liberated in the Taskmaster garden

and they're all happily crawling around out there.

Right. Who's next?

There's only one more.

Yes, it's a BRIDGEt too far. Here she is.

Ooh.

You've got 40 minutes left.

All right, give us a sec, then.

SHE MUMBLES

Oh, blimey.

ANGELIC MUSIC

Is that what you've had delivered?

Yes.

Do I take what he's offering me? Yeah, yeah.

He looks like a Welsh king.

You can speak to him.

Hello, hello. Are you a Welsh king?

SCRIBBLING

He's written, "I am King Owain Gwynedd.

"Word has reached the castle that you claim to be

"a direct descendant of me.

"You are not. Who do you think you are?"

He got in touch with me,

because he was very annoyed that

Greg was going around saying that he was a direct descendent.

Why is he holding Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick

by Ian Dury and The Blockheads?

Because that's the first record that Greg ever bought. Is it?

Yeah.

And why's he wearing a kaftan?

Because Greg wears them on holiday.

Why's the king wearing a tiny swimming hat?

Because Greg swam for his county when he was 12.

So I just said, "If you're here anyway,

"I've got these other things that I know about him.

"Do you want to do that, as well?"

Thank you so much.

Do you want to get off? OK.

ANGELIC MUSIC

Thank you. OK.

OK. Bye-bye. OK, see you soon. Bye.

APPLAUSE

It's very hard to find out anything about you at all. You are very...

Well, you did a pretty good job, Bridget. I read every interview.

And those are the four facts you found out?

There's nothing about you anywhere.

Also, do you know what?

None of your family or friends would talk about you.

So are you telling me, in that six hours,

you researched him

and tried to call his family and friends? I did, yeah.

Yeah, who did you ring? I...

My mum will tell you anything for a fiver. No.

I wanted to find something out from your childhood

that even you might not have remembered.

Oh, you need a therapist for that, babes.

Yeah, she did try and contact your GP amongst other people.

Yeah. Yeah, they didn't talk. Mm-hm, yeah.

No-one would talk to me. No-one would talk, weirdly.

I am related to Owain Gwynedd the First, Prince of Wales. I am.

You were trying to make out I wasn't. I am.

Well, you... There's conflicting...

There's no conflicting thing. I am of direct royal lineage.

This is exactly what it said,

that you were very quite sensitive about it, and get quite...

I lie about Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick being my first single,

cos I think it's much cooler than the truth,

which is Roger Whittaker's song about

a dragon called Google Eye.

LAUGHTER

It was very thorough, very creepy. Let's make some judgements.

Right. I'm really going to mess with your system a little bit. OK.

I'm going to give two points to two people. OK, I can... OK?

I can cope with that.

So, to Ardal, I'm going to give two points,

and to Sophie's worm basket, I'm giving two points.

OK. Two to Ardal. OK? Two to Sophie. Got it.

Then we jump up to four points. Oh, do we now?

Cos I really started to get surprised. Right.

No-one could've predicted that

Judi Love would've sent some fish heads on a skateboard

down that drive. I'm going to give her four points.

Well done, Judi. And another four points... Right.

..also goes to the lady who put in so much research in such

a short time into my life, Bridget Christie.

OK. But I was most genuinely surprised to see a man bring

a human baby through the gate.

Yes, and that is what is wrong with society.

Nevertheless, five points to Chris Ramsey. Five points to Chris Ramsey.

What are the scores, Alex?

Sophie's at the bottom with five.

Judi, who's not won an episode, is in the lead with eight points.

- Oh! - Ooh. APPLAUSE

It's time for the next task.

The task starts outside a lovely old barn with a lovely old blanket

and our lovely old contestants. Off we go. Lovely.

Hi, Alex. Hello, Judi. Hi, Sophie.

Hey. Is there, like, a big hole underneath?

Did you think that was a trap? Maybe a hole or something.

Careful.

SHE SCREAMS Why's it got eyes?

So it can see. Is it a snake?

"Make the longest cup snake

"and lie down next to it outside this building."

On the floor? I've got to lie on the floor?

You can lie on that nice little picnic blanket.

You may only leave the building twice.

You have ten minutes, your time starts now.

What's a cup snake?

Is that a cup snake?

It's not a very long one.

Your time starts now.

DOOR CREAKS

It's like one of them horror films,

and the black person always get killed first.

I don't want to go in there.

Oh, my God!

It's literally filled with cups.

APPLAUSE

The horror that you all felt when you opened the door

to reveal some cups on the table fascinated me.

"Oh, God!"

Like it was the most sickening thing you'd ever seen.

The last thing I expected to see.

And there was a lot of cups. It was intimidating.

It was terrifying. Yeah. It was really weird.

Right, let's crack on. OK, well,

we're going to see three cup snakes first of all,

and the boa constructors - thank you -

are Ardal, Chris, and Sophie. Woo!

How many do you think there are, Chris? About 1,000.

About 1,000?

500 or 1,000, depending on my maths.

OK, well, the clock is ticking.

And I can only leave twice. Uh-huh.

And I'm in now. Yes.

What's a cup snake?

Less haste. More speed. Less speed. More haste.

What's the difference between haste and speed?

Haste is bad. Speed is good.

Speeding up now, Alex.

Oh, OK. Why's that, then? Cos there's a time limit.

Is it quite a short limit?

I would imagine so.

What's the world record for the largest cup snake ever?

Do you want me to look it up? Yeah, please. OK.

Some of them have measured up to 175 metres long.

A cup snake? Uh-huh.

Some people have got too much time on their hands, man.

You making lots of little snakes?

Yeah. And then they're going to fuse together to become

a big daddy snake.

Well, fortune favours the brave. I've heard that.

Come on, my beauties.

Are you quite pleased with your technique?

I'll tell you when I'm done.

Would you mind lying down next to your snake?

I think I deserve a good rest after that.

Ah. WHISTLE BLOWS

Thank you, Ardal. You're welcome, Alex.

How much time? You've got 30 seconds.

SHE GRUNTS

SHE PANTS

WHISTLE BLOWS

I was sort of thinking you might lie on the tablecloth. Yeah.

Thought it was a trick.

You still think there's a hole underneath it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

HE PANTS, WHISTLE BLOWS

Quite a bendy one.

Apparently that's a good thing.

APPLAUSE

Impressive all round, I thought. I thought good systems, consistent.

Just so you know, there were exactly 1,000 cups,

so Chris's maths were remarkable.

He went in, went, "There's either 1,000 or 500,"

pretty much straight away. I did say 1,000, yeah.

Sometimes, not often,

but sometimes they're not bad at things. Yeah.

Ardal's is 856.

Ooh. Interesting that we're all going ooh,

when we've got no context whatsoever, isn't it?

856 is... I've given you context. Ooh.

It's a green anaconda, whereas Chris is like a green anaconda

with an eagle in its mouth.

9.66 metres. ALL: Ooh. 9.66 metres.

Ooh! And back down for Sophie.

Remember we've got 856, 966.

Sophie - 8...

..77. Second place at the moment. We need a break.

Just time for you to run upstairs

and wake up your kids by standing outside their bedroom doors

and shouting a list of the sacrifices you made

to have them.

We'll see you in a bit.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster. Alex, recap, please.

Before the break, the contestants were trying to make

the longest cup snake. They can only leave the building twice

and so far, we've had three fine examples from cup snake newbies

Ardal, Chris, and Sophie. Two to go, it's Bridget and Judi.

Oh, my God. There's so many cups.

Uh-huh.

There doesn't seem to be anything to put them together with.

Ooh.

Aw.

I literally put one foot... OK.

What's your plan?

My plan is to stack them up as tall as I can,

and then, I mean, this is going to take up the ten minutes.

It's a fair old puzzle. I've already gone out accidentally once...

Yeah. ..so I've kind of stuffed myself a little bit.

Yes.

Alex, can you help me stack them?

Maybe.

Cos it doesn't say on the task that I can't.

I mean, that's taken me forever.

You want me to get on with this table?

Yeah. All of them. All of them.

I think this, nothing to do with it.

And she's gone.

I'll go and find a stick or something.

Oh, Alex, you are.

Yeah, I got a big one.

Should we get this little one here?

OK.

Mm.

What are you...? Bridget?

Are you all right?

LAUGHING: Don't make me laugh, please.

You've two and a half minutes.

Ooh, this is going to be a big long snake, isn't it?

Yeah, is it going to be a cup snake?

Yeah, cos the head is a cup.

Right. Where we going?

Just there, isn't it? Oh, right.

You can drop your end.

I'm going to. I'm going to count. one...

No, but you can drop your end.

Will it be better this way?

Have you got any glue or anything?

Have I got...? No.

20 seconds.

There.

I see, so that's turning it into a cup snake, is it?

That's a cup snake.

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

BLOWS WHISTLE

That's your time up, Bridget.

Oh.

Wow.

Cup queen.

I mean, Judi, you were incredibly efficient.

Cos I move like a snake.

I mean, it, it was just genuinely impressive.

Um, Bridget, a more...

A more unique approach.

It was very creative, you know,

and, well, I stepped out of the barn and fucked myself, so.

LAUGHTER

A lit... A little more honest in terms of the analysis, yeah.

Well, look, Bridget's cup, she did reach back in and grab some cups,

so decorated her log with cups. Are we happy with the cup snake?

Yes, I, I am allowing it as a, as a cup snake.

Lovely. It was the shortest.

Exactly five metres, a Burmese python.

So Bridget gets one point for her five metre snake,

then it's Ardal with two points, 8.5,

Sophie 8.7, three points,

Chris 9.6, gets four points.

Judi, as long as a green anaconda

clinging onto the back of a Yamaha motorbike with its teeth.

It's 11.21 metres, so it's five points for Judi Love.

She takes it. Let's have another one.

OK, it's time for us all to have a lovely waggle in the shower.

Off we go.

Ooh.

Have I got to find a task in here?

God.

Oh. Hello.

There's a little Narnian adventure there.

HE LAUGHS

"Poke a part of your body out of the shower curtain

"and waggle it about for ten seconds."

So you'll be within the circle, with the shower curtain closed.

Yes. Something will emerge.

That's part of my body.

Waggling.

The Taskmaster will guess what part of the body it is.

The biggest part of the body that

the Taskmaster incorrectly identifies wins.

"You must poke your body part out of the shower curtain

"and waggle it about within the next 15 minutes."

OK.

It's got to poke a bit out.

Poke a bit out, exactly.

I'm thinking how could I disguise my arse as a head? Is that possible?

I've only got a limited number of body parts,

so, I mean, uh, I'll pick one of them.

I should be able to do that in the next few minutes. OK.

OK.

Anything I can get you? Could I have a wooden spoon, please?

On its way.

With some yoghurt on it.

No, no, no, yoghurt. Hold the yoghurt. OK.

And Sellotape.

You all right, Judi?

Yeah. Have you got a plan?

Yeah.

This is a very bad idea. Ah.

My body is here,

so I don't know why I'm going to get something.

To hide the part of the body.

ARDAL: I've changed my plans.

OK. I have a wooden spoon, Sellotape, and a marker.

And I don't need any of them.

OK.

I've got my trousers on my head, so I'm not OK.

Um, Ardal, I am sort of intrigued by the wooden spoon

and the yoghurt. Will that become apparent?

I imagine the thinking at

the time was that I if I could maybe beat some part of my body

with the wooden spoon, it might swell into a...

LAUGHTER

I imagine that would be it.

..into an unlikely shape. I don't know.

I, I feel stupid for asking.

And, and the yoghurt was to calm it down afterwards?

Absolutely. Exactly.

Are you ready to look at something waggly

and try to work out what it is? I am. OK, well, good luck.

First up, Greg, what part of Judi Love is this?

It's been my policy throughout this

to think of you as doing the least possible activity.

I always put the effort in, Greg.

I'm going to stand by my theory.

I'm going to say that that's your foot.

That's what I'm going to say.

You have poor old Ardal's covered himself in yoghurt

and whacking himself with a stick...

..and I think you just put your foot out.

OK, well,

are you ready to see what part of Judi that is...

Yeah. ..within the shoe? OK, here we go.

Let's see what it is.

Ooh. Nice work.

Thank you, Judi. Thank you.

Well, there we go. We have a point on the board.

Wow. Yeah. Serves me right.

Can I be honest with you?

Yeah.

My process of thinking was so lazy that I forgot that

I'd done that. I thought it was my foot.

LAUGHTER

We're going to see another one now.

We're going to see Chris Ramsey next,

so can he also deceive you, Greg?

Have a look at this.

Well, it can only be his hand or his foot.

It's uncharacteristic for Chris to be lazy,

that's why I'm not going straight for arm.

Or am I double-bluffing you? Or are you double-bluffing me?

Let's say it is a double bluff and say it's his arm.

OK. Let's have a look. Is it Chris Ramsey's arm?

Ooh.

He's on the cow.

And I think we all know a foot is bigger than a hand.

It was a foot and a bit of shin.

God. OK, well, it's Ardal next.

This is going to be difficult because whatever body part it is,

it's going to be beaten out of shape.

Have a look at this and do your best.

He was in there for 15 minutes.

It's hard to believe that a wooden spoon could do that much damage.

What is that, Greg?

It's Ardal's arm, obviously.

Let's have a look.

You, you can come out now, Ardal.

Thank you.

Ooh... Ooh.

Do you want to go back into the nice balloon place? OK.

Oh, why aren't you wearing trousers?

You didn't need to not wear trousers.

I don't know. I r... I just d... I don't know.

What were you doing in there?

I don't know, Greg.

He was hoping that you would think it was his neck.

So that was his plan.

What the? What are you talking about?

Oh, my God. I'm going to die.

I was sure you would think it was my neck.

I mean, there was a, a, like a, like my the face.

Oh, the face? Yes. Right.

Just one part to go until someone curses Bridget Christie while dragging a door home.

See you in a bit.

Hello, and welcome back for the final time today.

Before the break, I was having to work very hard, wasn't I, Alex?

Oh, you were. And I always think you do,

despite what you might read in my secret diary.

The current task sees the comedians poke

a body part through a shower curtain and waggle it about.

The biggest body part incorrectly

identified by Greg wins.

Ready, Greg? GREG CHUCKLES LIGHTLY

Mm-hm. Next, it's time to get soapy in the sh...

Uh, Sophie in the shower. Here we go.

I knew you would commit to this.

And my instinct is you've dislocated something.

SOPHIE LAUGHS

I genuinely haven't got a clue what that is.

Aw.

It's not your leg. So it can only be your arm?

Greg, you need to give me an answer.

I'm going to, I'm going to say it's her weird limp arm then.

So let's see what part of Sophie that is.

Oh, she's a genius.

Oh. Hey.

Hi, Sophie. Hey.

Yeah. Comfortable?

Not at all. Not at all.

All right. OK.

Thanks, Sophie.

That was brilliant. Thank you.

Well, look, the last person to see is Bridget Christie,

so what part of her is this?

That's actually terrifying.

It's one of two things.

You've put your hat on top of your foot,

thus, and you're nodding.

Or you've just stuck a sheet over your head.

Bridget's just stuck her head under a sheet

and then put her hat on top of it.

Well, let's see.

Right, well, let's find out what part of the body this is.

There you are. Hi.

It was your head? It, it was, yes.

You're hiding in plain sight. Mm-hm.

Thank you, Bridget. Thanks.

There we go.

Aww. Very good.

Well. Three people have fooled you.

Definitely got a foot, we've definitely got a hand, a lower limb,

and then we had the hair. So it's whether the hair counts.

And, does it? Scientifically, a body part is defined as any part of

an organism such as an organ or extremity.

Hair is an accessory organ of the skin, scientifically.

I think it's a fair judgment. I'm going to give them five points each.

OK. So Judi also fooled you. How many points does she get?

She gets four points. So it's four to Judi, five to Chris,

and five to Sophie. Right. And that's it.

Quick look at the scores, then.

Yes, well, she's still in the lead.

Judi could win the episode.

She's currently in the lead with 17 points.

Whoa.

OK, everybody,

please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show.

Hello, my sweet.

Hi, mate.

Who will read this task for us?

Bridget Christie's going to read this one.

"Write down how many tin cans you think can fit in your bag.

"The highest predicted number fitted in a zipped-up bag

"within one minute wins.

"If you don't zip up your bag or fit your predicted number

"of tin cans in your bag, you will be disqualified.

"After Alex blows his whistle,

"you will have ten seconds to write down your number."

Ten second to write down one number.

Your ten second starts on the whistle.

BLOWS WHISTLE

Oh, God.

BLOWS WHISTLE

OK, Ardal, please tell me your number and then hang your number off

the front little nail on your table.

I'm going to go for 35.

Lovely.

Wow. Well, that is bold.

OK, Bridget, your turn to reveal your number.

LAUGHTER

54.

54, and, Greg, at this point, I will reveal how many cans there are.

Yeah.

55.

Wow.

Chris Ramsey now.

Yes, I've gone for 30. Judi.

I was going to say 20, and then my hand slipped, and 30.

So it's 30?

In Jamaica, that's a two.

Finally, Sophie Duker, how many cans? 29.

One lower than mine, and you lot went, "Oh!"

So if you all succeed,

Bridget will win and Sophie will get one point.

Obviously there's a chance no-one will succeed.

We're going to find out in a second. Your time starts...

BLOWS WHISTLE

Oh, my God. There's a trick, there it is.

What's the trick, Judi? Some of them are stuck together.

Some of them are stuck together, Greg.

It's good they're wearing boots.

Chris is unpacking.

Ooh.

No, no, no, it came out of there. Came out of there. Here we go.

It must be fully zipped up.

Yes. We have a zipped up bag. We have a zipped up bag,

that's a relief.

Problems... Problems for Bridget.

Your bag must be fully zipped.

Oh, fuck off.

My zip is broken.

BLOWS WHISTLE

It wasn't broken before. Please step back. Please step back.

Right, now in a very orderly way, uh, Alex is going to count the cans.

Yes. Hello, Ardal.

Hi, Alex. Let the count commence.

He started with a big three, that's three there.

Four.

14.

20.

31.

34.

35.

It's an empty bag.

APPLAUSE

Well done.

His trousers are still on.

That is an incredible opener.

Let's start the count for bag two. Alex.

Or, will we?

AUDIENCE: Aw!

I'm afraid we won't. No.

Bridget is disqualified. Alex, move on, please.

Yeah, OK. CANS CLATTER

Two, four, six.

Loud.

27.

28.

29.

Yeah, he's done it, hasn't he?

30. Ah.

It's an empty bag.

Right, we've got a second place. Or, have we?

Judi.

I'm pissed off.

Why?

I got panicky and stopped counting.

I went out like a black woman on a Saturday at a market.

I was just packing everything in there.

We we've all been there.

There's yam, banana, there's plantain. There's everything.

I'm going to count her cans.

Just to confirm, if there's not 30 cans,

Judi's disqualified.

Let the count commence.

Three. That's good.

Six. Good start.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30.

32.

Judi.

So close.

Don't touch me.

That is absolutely heart-breaking.

Let's move on.

There goes my chance of winning.

Hello, Sophie. You predicted 29.

Hi. Yeah.

Ready?

Yeah.

Two, five.

CANS CLATTER

Quiet, quiet, sh.

24.

26.

27.

28.

It's an empty bag. 28 cans. AUDIENCE: Aw!

Hey, come on down

and let's see how that's affected the final scores.

APPLAUSE

Pretty exciting.

It really was. I mean, Ardal. It really was.

Ardal did really well putting all his... I was great.

Yes. You were a great guy in the task.

So he does get the five points, and Chris, uh, got four points.

He was the only other person who completed the task.

Means a few different things.

The first and most awful thing is it means that if Judi had written

the number one and then put one can in a bag

and zipped it up, she would've won the episode.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Hey. I have to say, that does feel like quite a cruel statistic.

In fact, if she'd written zero and just zipped it up,

she would've won the episode.

I'm really sorry, Judi.

I'm sorry. It also means, series-wise,

it's tighter than it's been for some time.

Judi's on 129, Ardal, 138, Bridget, 139,

Chris, 149, Sophie in the lead with 151.

Two points in it, one episode to go.

Blimey.

Exac... I was going to use that word.

And? Mummy wouldn't let me.

So in this particular episode,

Judi is in second place with 17, but in the lead,

and the winner with 19, it's Chris Ramsey.

Oh.

Wow!

Chris Ramsey wins.

Please head up to handle your handles.

So what have we learnt today?

We've learnt a lot.

We've learnt that Judi Love thinks she looks like a fish.

We've learnt that Chris Ramsey can tell you how many cups there are in

a room with just one glance.

But what we haven't learnt, and what we might never learn,

is what Ardal O'Hanlon was doing with a wooden spoon

and some yoghurt in a shower for 15 minutes.

Just one show left,

and one big round of applause left for tonight's winner, Chris Ramsey.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media