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WilLoW :--) January 27th, 2005
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Way up in the mountains in a small little town,
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The Main Street was being decorated all up and down.
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People stood in long lines, sometimes waiting hours or more,
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Because Christmas need to be bought in a store.
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But out in the forest, not too far away...
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...The little woodland critters were also
preparing for their Christmas day.
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It's almost time when the time is here,
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The time that's only once a year.
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We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near.
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A Woodland Critter Christmas!
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The little critters worked hard as they happily sang
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And each one of them had a quite interesting name
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There was Squirrely the squirrel, Rabbity the rabbit,
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Beavery the beaver, and Beary the bear
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Porcupiney the porcupine, Skunky the skunk,
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Foxy the fox, and Deery the deer
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Woodpeckery the woodpecker, Mousey the mouse,
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and Chickadee-y the chickadee, all made the forest their house.
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And on that magical day, stumbling upon all of that,
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was a surprised little boy, in a red poofball hat.
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What the hell?
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Christmastime is once a year
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Every critter holds it dear
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Every animal big or small
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Christmas means so much to us all
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Well hello there. Welcome to our forest.
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How do you like our Christmas tree?
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It's... nice.
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Why, it's the most perfect tree in the forest!
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Oh no, I see a problem.
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What is it, Mousey?
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Our Christmas tree doesn't have a star.
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Ohhhh
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We can't have a tree with no star on it.
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What are we gonna do?
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Now don't be down, y'all. Maybe our
new friend can help us find a star.
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Can you really? Oh would you please? Could you help us?
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Okay, okay.
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Yay!!
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And so, using some paper and working with glee,
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the boy in the red poofball hat made a star for the tree
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Ohhhh
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It's the nicest star I ever saw.
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The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile
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How would you like to sing and dance with us for a while?
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The boy in the red poofball hat smiled and said
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Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go home.
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Goo, goodbye Stanny!
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Goodbye, Stanny! Bye! Cya! I'll buy your hat!
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Wugh.
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Hi, Stanny!
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Oh, whatta?
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His friends were all there! What a wonderful surprise!
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The little boy smiled with joy in his eyes
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What time is it!
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You aren't gonna believe what happened, Stanny.
It's the most magical Christmas gift ever!
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Porcupiney is pregnant!
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You guys, I have to go to school tomorrow.
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I deduce the man-boy doesn't understand
the seriousness of the fertilization.
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Porcupiney is a virgin, Stanny. Her conception was immaculate.
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She's gonna give birth to our Lord and Savior.
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...What?
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It has been foretold unto me that I would give birth on Christmas Day.
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So soon!
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How delightful!
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Our souls are saved!
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Finally the critters are gonna have a Savior of their very own,
of their very own!
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There's just one problem: We don't have
a manger for our Savior to be born in.
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Awwww.
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But we got to have a manger.
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Can you do it, Stan. Can you build us a manger? Huh?
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"Of course I'll build you a little manger!" the little boy cried,
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and he winked at his critter friends and leapt to their side!
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And out in the woods the boy steamed right ahead,
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making a place for the critter babe to lay its sweet head
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Gee whiz, if it isn't the nicest manger I ever saw.
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I deduce it shall serve as a perfectly suitable resting place,
for the Son of our Lord.
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Does this mean we can go to sleep now?
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My Son will have the nicest bed in all the forest.
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Fit for a king!
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This is going to be the best critter Christmas ever!
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It's almost time when the time is here,
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The time that's only once a year.
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We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near-
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All right, I'm going now
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The mountain lion! Hide!
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Go away! Shoo!
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Is it gone?
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I deduce it is.
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I'm not c-c-comin' out.
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Well, this is the end. The mountain lion
obviously knows Porcupiney is pregnant,
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and he's gonna kill it again.
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Again?
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Every Christmas the mountain lion comes down and eats the
virgin critter impregnated with the Son of our Lord.
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Oh dear, I'm so very afraid.
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Let's face it. The mountain lion will never let our Savior be born.
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Awwww.
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Hey, we shouldn't be upset this Christmas. We've got Stanny!
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Of course! Stanny can do anything! If he can build a manger,
he can stop that mean ol' mountain lion!
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Christmas is saved!
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High up in the forest on a dark, craggy peak,
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the horrid mountain lion lived and preyed on the weak.
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For the critters to be saved,
someone had to stop that nasty old cat...
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Goddamnit, this is fucking ridiculous!
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Said the little boy in the red poofball hat.
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Killing the mountain lion was no easy task,
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but he thought of a plan, and he thought of it fast.
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Grrr. Grrr! Come on out!
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Come on, critter killer! Your days of slaughtering
innocent little animals are over!
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Rawrrrrr!
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Rawrrrrr!
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In a flash it was over! A victorious blow!
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The mountain lion lay slain on the cold ground below.
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Hokay, there.
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Mommy? Mommy!
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W... wake up, Mommy, wake up!
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Don't leave us, Mommy.
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Man-boy, why? Why did you kill our mommy? Why?
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I... the... critters. Their... bir-birth of a Savior?
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The tiny cubs all gathered together and cried,
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All alone in the world because their mother had died.
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Aw. Awww!
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Oooo.
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You all right, Lady Porcupiney?
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Oh yes, just felt a little kick is all.
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Well, it's been much too long now. Uh I'm afraid
our helpful friend Stanny must be very dead.
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Yep, the mountain lion probably swallowed him whole.
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I guess that means our Savior is gonna be made into Savior stew.
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Awwww.
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Wait a minute, look!
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Stanny!
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Stanny, you're alive.
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But, does that mean you killed the mountain lion?
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It's dead.
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For real and for true?
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Are you sure?
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I'm sure. It won't be hurting you anymore.
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He did it! Now our critter Christmas can finally happen! Hail Satan!
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Hail Satan!
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Wait, wha-what?
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You've done us a huge favor, Stanny! Without the mountain lion around,
the Lady Porcupiney can give birth to the Antichrist!
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Yaaay Satan!
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Waiwait, the Antichrist?? You said she
was giving birth to your savior!
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Yeah, to the Son of our Lord, Satan, Prince of Darkness.
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But I thought you meant the Son of God!
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Well, think about it: You really think
God would have sex with a porcupine?
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No way! Only Satan, Prince of Darkness
and King of all Evil would do that!
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Yay!
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This just calls for a celebration! Let's
sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh!
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Yay! Sacrifice me to the Devil!
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Drink his blood! Drink his blood!
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Blood orgy!!!
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Yay, blood orgy! Blood orgy, yay!
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What special time and special day,
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It's Woodland Critter Christmas.
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Hail Satan.
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In the gentle forest clearing on Christmas Eve morn,
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The little forest critters prepared for the Antichrist to be born.
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The noble mountain lion had stopped evil in all the years past,
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But now the good protector lay dead as the good owls amassed.
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And meanwhile three lion cubs were crying away.
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For them there would certainly be no Christmas Day,
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And soon the forest would suffer from the offspring Satan begat.
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All of this because of the little boy in the red poofball hat.
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Ugh.
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Now that he'd killed the noble lion queen,
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there was nobody to stop the Apocalypse, it seemed.
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Uuugh!
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"I know!" he said with a new happy grin,
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"I'll go back to the forest and speak with those critters again!"
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No nonono.
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He ran out the living room, turned out the light,
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and went back to the forest to set everything right!
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... and went back to the forest to set everything right!
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... He tried to forget all about it by watching TV
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but his conscience caught up with him and to the forest he did flee.
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... He thought he could hide from his problems - not true!
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He knew in his heart the thing he had to do!
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Leave me aLONE!!
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He knew that only by going to the forest could he-
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All right all right all right!! God!!
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Hey, look everyone! It's our old pal, Stanny.
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Oh boy, Stanny. You came just in time!
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Yeah. We've got a big problem.
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The Great Satan has commanded that when the Antichrist is born,
we must find a human host body to transfer it into.
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That way he could take over the whole world. The whole world!
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The human must be non-baptized and heathenistic against Christ.
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We figured you'd be perfect!
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Yay!
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I'm not a heathen! I was baptized and my family's Christian!
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Awwwww.
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But we got to have a human host body for the Antichrist.
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Oh dear, maybe we won't have a critters C-Christmas after all.
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Now don't be down, y'all. Stanny can help
us find non-baptized heathen human.
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Will you really, Stanny?
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No!! I'm not doing you anymore favors and I'm
not letting you give birth to the Antichrist!
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I came here to put a stop to all this!
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To stop us?
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But gee whiz, Stan, if you try to stop us, we'd
have to use our evil satanic powers on ya.
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Right, whatever.
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I'm taking down the manger I built.
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Ah!
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Aaaah!!
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Aagh! Aaaahh!
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00:11:48,009 --> 00:11:51,111
AAAAAAAH!! AAAAAAAH!!
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Oh boy! Our satanic powers sure did the trick!
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Our powers get stronger every day, get stronger every day!
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Sorry Stanny, but you see, nothing can
stop the birth of the Antichrist,
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except for a mountain lion.
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And you got rid o'her.
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Yay!
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The boy shook with anger! He broke a sweat and fell ill
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When he remembered there were three mountain
cubs still alive on the hill!
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Oh yeah.
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Hello? Anybody in there?
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Oh no, it's the man-boy who killed Mommy!
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He's come to kill us now.
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It's okay. I died inside when Mommy was killed anyways.
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Yeah, better this than the slow death
we'd face without a mother around.
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Look, I'm sorry I killed your mom. The,
the squirrel told me she was evil.
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You got tricked by a squirrel? Gee, you're not too smart,
are you, mister?
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I'm trying to make this all right again, but the only thing
that can stop devil-worshiping critters is a mountain lion!
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Yeah, and you killed her.
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00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:52,193
Well, you're mountain lions.
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Us? No, we're just kids. We still have our baby teeth.
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And our baby claws.
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And a dead mom.
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There still has to be a way for you to kill the porcupine's baby.
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What? You mean like in an abortion?
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Yeah. An abortion. That can work.
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But, we don't know how to give abortions.
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Do you know some place we can learn, mister?
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"Where can they learn that?" the boy said with a frown.
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"I know! The abortion clinic just outside of town."
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What?!
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So he picked up the cubs and down the mountain he stormed.
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And took them to where abortions are performed.
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No, he didn't.
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00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:29,409
Yes he did.
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00:13:29,702 --> 00:13:30,685
No, he didn't!
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00:13:31,026 --> 00:13:32,063
Yes he did.
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No, he didn't!!
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00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:34,844
Yes he
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did!
246
00:13:36,798 --> 00:13:37,795
Aw Goddamnit!
247
00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:42,398
Said the boy in the red poofball hat! "We've made it already,
little cubs! Fancy that!"
248
00:13:43,287 --> 00:13:45,296
Excuse me, what are you doing here?!
249
00:13:45,728 --> 00:13:47,200
The abortion doctor inquired.
250
00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:50,051
If you wanna be in the OR, a pass is required!
251
00:13:50,486 --> 00:13:54,016
I don't know, I, I'm supposed to show these mountain
lions how an abortion is performed or something,
252
00:13:54,264 --> 00:13:55,696
I... I know, it'd ridiculous.
253
00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,189
Well, you're in luck, I'm happy to inform!
254
00:13:58,488 --> 00:14:01,778
It's only three days until Christmas, so
I have LOTS of abortions to perform!
255
00:14:02,122 --> 00:14:04,320
Gather around my table, cute little lions,
256
00:14:04,586 --> 00:14:06,903
I'll teach you to do abortions without even tryin'!
257
00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:09,745
And so the little boy and the cubs gathered around the chair base,
258
00:14:10,053 --> 00:14:13,435
And all day watched abortion after abortion take place.
259
00:14:16,585 --> 00:14:19,784
Christmas time is once a year.
260
00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:23,940
Every critter holds it dear.
261
00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:27,902
Every animal big or small,
262
00:14:28,352 --> 00:14:31,651
Christmas means so much to us all.
263
00:14:31,926 --> 00:14:35,117
It's once a year, it's Christmastime!
264
00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:39,250
And it happens once a year.
265
00:14:39,577 --> 00:14:42,697
It's once a year, it's Christmastime!
266
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:47,203
When we hear about how Christmas only comes
267
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:49,539
Once a year.
268
00:14:49,839 --> 00:14:51,833
This better have a point, dude. This really better have a point.
269
00:14:52,493 --> 00:14:53,955
It's almost time when the time is here,
270
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,781
The time that's only once a year.
271
00:14:56,336 --> 00:14:59,633
Oh look. That little feller is all alone.
272
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,901
Gee, he looks sad.
273
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:04,888
Hi there!
274
00:15:06,752 --> 00:15:07,624
What the hell?
275
00:15:08,082 --> 00:15:10,680
How come you're all alone on Christmas Eve.
276
00:15:10,971 --> 00:15:13,376
My... family doesn't celebrate Christmas.
277
00:15:13,842 --> 00:15:14,987
Aww, but why?
278
00:15:15,426 --> 00:15:18,284
Well, because, we don't really ...believe in Jesus.
279
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:20,458
Yay!
280
00:15:21,917 --> 00:15:24,488
But does that mean you aren't baptized?
281
00:15:24,899 --> 00:15:25,885
No. I'm Jewish.
282
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,807
Yay! Yay!
283
00:15:29,176 --> 00:15:30,361
You've got to come with us!
284
00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:32,467
You're perfect! Just pu-perfect!
285
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:33,161
Huh?
286
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,063
Yay! Woohoo! Woohoohoo!
287
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:38,243
What special time and special day,
288
00:15:38,476 --> 00:15:39,832
It's Woodland Critter Christmas.
289
00:15:40,322 --> 00:15:41,194
Hail Satan.
290
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,615
Twas the night before Christmas, and above the woods, way up high,
291
00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:49,457
a new bright shiny star hung in the sky.
292
00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:52,234
For the world to be saved there was only one shot.
293
00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:55,905
A little boy with three cubs, and an abortion plot.
294
00:15:56,712 --> 00:16:00,676
Okay, come on, the critters are over this way. You mountain
lions ready to stop the Antichrist from being born?
295
00:16:01,064 --> 00:16:02,762
Sure. We know how to give abortions now.
296
00:16:03,241 --> 00:16:05,335
He arrived at the critter forest ready to fight,
297
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:09,572
but then gasped when he saw a most dreadful sight.
298
00:16:13,568 --> 00:16:14,882
Guys, we did it!
299
00:16:15,232 --> 00:16:18,153
The critter Antichrist is born, bringin' a
thousand years of darkness to the forest.
300
00:16:22,209 --> 00:16:25,497
The Antichrist had been born, sealing the world's fate.
301
00:16:26,081 --> 00:16:29,594
The boy in the red poofball hat... was too late.
302
00:16:30,146 --> 00:16:31,940
Too late? The hell is that??
303
00:16:32,564 --> 00:16:33,727
Oh. Hiya, Stanny!
304
00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:36,123
Stan! Stan, what the hell is going on?!
305
00:16:36,635 --> 00:16:38,370
It's Critter Christmas, dude! It sucks ass!
306
00:16:39,463 --> 00:16:42,386
Now all we have to do is put the Antichrist into our human host.
307
00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:43,966
Let's go! All right! Woohoo!
308
00:16:44,591 --> 00:16:47,947
That's it?! Ten thousand years of darkness
and I don't even have a Merry Christmas?
309
00:16:49,548 --> 00:16:54,720
When up in the sky the sound of sleigh bells were heard And
a jolly red sleigh flew down to the earth like a bird!
310
00:16:55,424 --> 00:16:57,378
Wwow, look, there's Santa Claus!
311
00:16:57,693 --> 00:17:00,569
Yay!
312
00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:01,259
Let's eat his flesh!
313
00:17:03,124 --> 00:17:08,558
All right, what the hell is going on?! Why
is there a red star glowing in the sky?
314
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,842
We finally did it, Santa! We brought forth the
Antichrist with help from our good friend,
315
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:13,584
Stanny.
316
00:17:14,024 --> 00:17:15,823
Death and pain await all living things.
317
00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:18,817
LIttle boy, you should be ashamed!
318
00:17:19,016 --> 00:17:20,865
I mean, I didn't mean to help them, I I tried to stop them!
319
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:26,121
Well good going, stupid! There's only one
way to stop devil-worshiping critters!
320
00:17:28,877 --> 00:17:29,747
Aaaaah!
321
00:17:32,030 --> 00:17:32,982
Dude, what the?
322
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,112
Hold steady, Santa
323
00:17:38,973 --> 00:17:39,800
Come on, dude.
324
00:17:43,725 --> 00:17:46,911
Gee whiz, Santa, you're not gonna kill me, are you-
325
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,957
But Santa, what do we do about the Antichrist?
326
00:17:52,557 --> 00:17:58,195
Don't worry, boys. The Antichrist cannot survive
without a human host body to go into.
327
00:17:58,547 --> 00:17:59,018
No.
328
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,411
No, I want to have the Antichrist inside me!
329
00:18:01,792 --> 00:18:02,507
What? Kyle??
330
00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:06,338
With his power, I can finally make the
earth a better place for the Jews!
331
00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:07,982
Don't do it, Kyle!
332
00:18:14,072 --> 00:18:14,573
Dude!!
333
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:19,205
Yes, yes!! Now the Jews will take control
of Christmas once and for all!
334
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:20,299
HAHA! HAAA!!
335
00:18:20,876 --> 00:18:21,827
Oh, stop it, Cartman!
336
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:25,830
Just stop it! That's enough! You aren't reading
another sentence of your stupid story!
337
00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:30,803
I don't believe anyone interrupted YOU when
you read your Christmas story aloud,
338
00:18:30,963 --> 00:18:31,289
Kyle.
339
00:18:31,463 --> 00:18:35,301
This whole time your stupid story was just a way to
rip on me for being Jewish at Christmas again!
340
00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:36,948
Mr. Garrison, could you do something, please?
341
00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:42,288
Sorry, Eric, but if Kyle feels discriminated against, you'll
have to stop or else I'll get a call from his mother.
342
00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:43,860
All right, fine! Forget it!
343
00:18:46,027 --> 00:18:47,905
Wwell but, but what happened?
344
00:18:48,447 --> 00:18:50,485
Yeah. Did Kyle bring a thousand years of darkness or not?
345
00:18:50,792 --> 00:18:51,977
What happens to the lion cubs?
346
00:18:52,356 --> 00:18:55,077
Well, I guess we'll never know, because
Kyle doesn't wanna hear how it ends.
347
00:18:55,365 --> 00:18:57,946
No, it all worked out, right? The world was
saved and I went home for Christmas dinner.
348
00:18:58,329 --> 00:18:59,689
Dude, why do you care?!
349
00:19:00,025 --> 00:19:03,286
Well after all that I at least wanna know if I had
a merry Christmas or if darkness rules the earth.
350
00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:08,238
Oh come on! It's obvious what happens! I get killed
by Santa Claus so that Christmas is saved!
351
00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:09,913
That's not at all what happens.
352
00:19:10,269 --> 00:19:12,064
Aw well, come on. Let him read us the end.
353
00:19:12,338 --> 00:19:13,267
Yeah yeah, come on!
354
00:19:15,691 --> 00:19:16,264
All right, fine!
355
00:19:25,753 --> 00:19:30,161
"Oh dear, my best friend is possessed! How about that?
" said the little boy in the red poofball hat.
356
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:33,361
HAHAHAA!! Now I shall rule the-
357
00:19:33,946 --> 00:19:41,210
Aww. Uuugh. God it burns! AAAH! My soul is on fire!
Whoa. Oh, I don't like this!
358
00:19:41,766 --> 00:19:44,290
I didn't know it would feel so... dark and evil!
359
00:19:44,628 --> 00:19:46,620
Well what did you expect, dude? It's the son of the Devil.
360
00:19:46,998 --> 00:19:47,915
Oh God, what have I done??
361
00:19:48,512 --> 00:19:51,530
I'm sorry. Please, I don't wanna be the vessel for the Antichrist.
362
00:19:52,031 --> 00:19:56,300
I'm sorry, but it's too late, Kyle! Santa's gonna have to kill you!
363
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:57,529
No Santa, don't!
364
00:19:57,801 --> 00:20:02,777
We don't have a choice. In a few hours, the dark
creature inside him will consume his soul.
365
00:20:03,518 --> 00:20:06,196
The little boy fretted. He almost started to bawl
366
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,320
But that's when he came up with the best idea of all.
367
00:20:10,939 --> 00:20:11,658
The lion cubs!
368
00:20:12,074 --> 00:20:13,469
The little boy quickly begun,
369
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,433
I took them to see how abortions are done.
370
00:20:16,055 --> 00:20:16,601
What??
371
00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:18,949
Now cubs, do like they showed you. Hurry up fast!
372
00:20:19,349 --> 00:20:21,081
Get the Antichrist out of my friend Kyle's ass!
373
00:20:24,103 --> 00:20:27,413
And in the twinkling starlight, each little cub did their portion.
374
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:31,018
They remember all they had learned and gave Kyle an abortion.
375
00:20:46,206 --> 00:20:48,192
Thanks, everybody. I I'm sorry I got a little crazy there.
376
00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:50,307
Well little boy, it seems that YOU
377
00:20:50,535 --> 00:20:54,728
have really been through a lot. Is there any
special present you would like this year?
378
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:57,069
Yeah. Yeah, there is.
379
00:21:05,173 --> 00:21:07,271
Weh, ah my, what happened?
380
00:21:07,662 --> 00:21:08,291
Mommy?
381
00:21:08,776 --> 00:21:10,981
Yay! You're back! We missed you, Mommy!
382
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:12,428
Ogh, good.
383
00:21:12,968 --> 00:21:16,465
And back home, there were presents, and lots of food to get fat.
384
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:22,158
And it was the best Christmas ever for
the boy in the red poofball hat.
385
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:29,901
And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Kyle,
who died of AIDS two weeks later.
386
00:21:31,059 --> 00:21:31,704
The End
387
00:21:31,931 --> 00:21:32,729
Goddamnit Cartman!
388
00:21:33,621 --> 00:21:36,213
Christmastime is once a year
389
00:21:36,619 --> 00:21:40,249
Every creature holds it dear
390
00:21:40,588 --> 00:21:44,101
Every animal big or small
391
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:48,096
Christmas means the world to us all
392
00:21:48,477 --> 00:21:51,962
It's once a year, it's Christmastime
393
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:59,822
When we hear about how Christmas only comes Once a year.
30218
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