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1
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We are South Park, Green and White.
Let's go, Cows! Fight fight fight!
2
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Nobody can beat a Cow!
Let's gooo, South Park!
3
00:00:42,685 --> 00:00:44,207
Hey, South Park! Do you have school spirit?
4
00:00:44,426 --> 00:00:46,082
Moooooooo!
5
00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:48,712
I think us Cows have the best school spirit. Huh, Mandy?
6
00:00:48,957 --> 00:00:51,847
Yeah, and South Park is really gonna
stick it to Littleton next week!
7
00:00:51,847 --> 00:00:54,481
Let's bring out our mascot and get this pep rally going!
8
00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,567
It's Billy! Uh, Billy will wave for me!
Wave for me, Billy!
9
00:01:09,665 --> 00:01:16,450
We are People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals! We protest
your insensitive use of cows as your school mascot!
10
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,313
Oh Jesus, not PETA again.
11
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Cows are maimed and slaughtered and used as a commodity!
12
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This is unfair to the cows!
This is your insensitivity!
13
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EWWW!
14
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The cow is a slave! The cow is a commodity!
To be thrown away by a society gone wrong!
15
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:48,567
All right, children, I have just been informed that
since our school has been attacked
16
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:54,656
by eco-terrorists for the 47th time,
we are going to change our school mascot.
17
00:01:54,805 --> 00:01:56,191
AWWWWWWWWW!!!
18
00:01:56,471 --> 00:01:59,635
Buh, Mr. Garrision, if we change our mascot
that means the eco-terrorists win!
19
00:02:00,016 --> 00:02:02,525
That's right, Stanley, the eco-terrorists win.
20
00:02:03,612 --> 00:02:06,418
Now, I have here a mascot selection sheet.
21
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:10,547
Every student is supposed to check
the box next to the mascot they like the most.
22
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:13,926
And the most popular selection
will be the school's new mascot.
23
00:02:13,961 --> 00:02:15,072
But we like being the Cows!
24
00:02:17,318 --> 00:02:20,485
You're responsible for the enslavement
and genocide of millions!
25
00:02:21,036 --> 00:02:24,163
Get, get outta here, PETA! We're
changin' the mascot already!
26
00:02:24,399 --> 00:02:26,201
Who'll speak for those who cannot
speak for themselves??
27
00:02:26,201 --> 00:02:27,790
Go on, get, get outta here!
28
00:02:28,721 --> 00:02:29,425
Get, get out!
29
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Jesus, where do they keep coming from??
30
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Go on, get outta here.
31
00:02:35,532 --> 00:02:36,657
This is bullcrap, dude!
32
00:02:37,127 --> 00:02:41,745
Now children, it's not that bad. There's plenty
of great new mascots on the sheet to chose from.
33
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:45,791
The Hurricanes, the Blizzards, the Redskins, the Indians...
34
00:02:45,942 --> 00:02:47,740
But aren't Indians and Redskins just as offensive?
35
00:02:48,032 --> 00:02:50,429
No, those are fine. PETA doesn't care about people.
36
00:02:52,229 --> 00:02:56,905
Goddamnit PETAns piss me off! We're never gonna end up
with a stupid eagle or a faggy bobcat as a mascot.
37
00:02:57,132 --> 00:02:59,179
Wait. You guys, I have an awesome idea!
38
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:02,766
We should secretly go around and tell all
the students we can to not check any of
39
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,894
the mmascots on this election sheet, and instead write in "Giant Douche."
40
00:03:05,973 --> 00:03:06,586
Ye-heah!
41
00:03:06,923 --> 00:03:07,747
(Yeah, totally awesome!)
42
00:03:07,996 --> 00:03:10,315
Yeh- no, no, wait wait wait.
I got a better idea you guys.
43
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:15,112
What we should do is we should secretly go around and tel
all the sstudents we can to not check any of
44
00:03:15,113 --> 00:03:18,866
the mascots on this election sheet,
and instead write in "Turd Sandwich."
45
00:03:20,707 --> 00:03:22,050
Turd Sandwich isn't better than Giant Douche.
46
00:03:22,575 --> 00:03:24,997
Heh, it's only about a thousand times better,
am I right guys?
47
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,082
Come on! We have to tell everybody fast!
This is gonna be soo funny!
48
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It was MY idea and we're gonna tell everyone to
write in "Giant Douche!" It's way funnier!
49
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IT IS NOT!!!
50
00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:33,253
Kenny, what's funnier? A giant douche or a turd sandwich?
51
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(Giant douche.)
52
00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:37,222
Aw, you're just saying that because
I broke your cat's leg last week.
53
00:03:37,578 --> 00:03:39,102
Stan, do you pick giant douche or turd sandwich?
54
00:03:39,614 --> 00:03:40,856
Dude, I really don't care.
55
00:03:41,783 --> 00:03:43,807
That's two against one, 'cause Stan
doesn't care. So it's giant douche.
56
00:03:44,489 --> 00:03:45,668
...Wait wait, what about Butters?
57
00:03:46,038 --> 00:03:46,379
Huh?
58
00:03:46,662 --> 00:03:47,139
You hate Butters.
59
00:03:47,358 --> 00:03:50,564
Goddamnit you guys, Butters is our friend!
And he's allowed to have his opinion!
60
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:54,860
Butters which is funnier? A stupid not-funny giant douche
or a super funny turd sandwich?
61
00:03:54,907 --> 00:03:55,895
Hahaa, a turd sandwich!
62
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You misled him, fat ass!
63
00:03:57,562 --> 00:03:59,657
It's the best choice, and me and
Butters are sticking with it.
64
00:03:59,937 --> 00:04:01,348
Yeah! ...What's this for?
65
00:04:02,566 --> 00:04:04,745
Jimmy, we're gonna have everyone
write in a mascot that's really funny,
66
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,693
and you have to tell us
which one would be funnier..
67
00:04:06,693 --> 00:04:11,933
That''s a... fantastic idea fellas. Uh, the key to successful
humor is s- staying power. Uh tell me the first mascot idea.
68
00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:13,400
A giant douche.
69
00:04:14,110 --> 00:04:16,814
Heh, huh okay, that's pretty funny.
Now, what's the second?
70
00:04:17,177 --> 00:04:17,978
A turd sandwich.
71
00:04:18,437 --> 00:04:20,733
Turhr... Ohokahay.
Okay, now let's wait ten seconds.
72
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,723
Okay now, t-tell me the first one again?
73
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Giant douche.
74
00:04:30,649 --> 00:04:31,766
And the second?
75
00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:33,134
Turd sandwich.
76
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:38,250
Gee, th-they're both screamingly funny, fellas
Uhhhbetter give it another ten seconds.
77
00:04:43,161 --> 00:04:46,286
All right, now we'll see which one really
has staying power. Number one?
78
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,192
A giant douche.
79
00:04:47,904 --> 00:04:49,644
Okay, I think, that's it. Number 2?
80
00:04:50,079 --> 00:04:51,045
Turd sandwich.
81
00:04:52,149 --> 00:04:55,003
Gee, I don't know what to say, fellas.
They're both instant classics.
82
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:59,466
But I guess I'll have to go with giant douche,
simply because the fact that it's a giant renders it useless,
83
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:00,509
adding a parody slant to the satire.
84
00:05:01,394 --> 00:05:02,177
AWWWW!!
85
00:05:02,557 --> 00:05:03,735
Ohhh, we lost?
86
00:05:03,949 --> 00:05:05,995
All right, it's decided.
Let's all write in "Giant Douche."
87
00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:07,757
Okay. You win, Kyle.
88
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:15,232
Attention students,
we have tallied your mascot nomination sheets,
89
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:19,487
and there will now be a school-wide
vote between the top two nominations.
90
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:25,212
So here is the first most-requested candidate,
a giant douche.
91
00:05:31,178 --> 00:05:32,180
Go giant douche!
92
00:05:33,579 --> 00:05:36,312
Hey, South Park! Have we got school spirit??
93
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:44,632
We've got spirit, yes we do! Giant douches
me and you! Let's gooooo, Douches!
94
00:05:50,504 --> 00:05:54,002
And now your second nominee, Turd Sandwich.
95
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:01,891
All right turd sandwich!
96
00:06:02,771 --> 00:06:03,004
Yeah!
97
00:06:03,004 --> 00:06:03,776
Cartman? What the hell??
98
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:04,764
Giant Douche sucks!
99
00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:09,997
We've got spirit, yes we do! We are sandwiches
filled with poo! Yeeaahhh!
100
00:06:11,946 --> 00:06:17,672
Students can now cast their choice between
the Giant Douche and the Turd Sandwich.
101
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,981
We'll count up the votes on Tuesday.
102
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,362
You won't get more votes than us, asshole!
103
00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:22,509
Dream on, Jew boy!
104
00:06:22,911 --> 00:06:24,526
Yeah, dream on, Jew boy!
105
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:28,899
Be sure to vote for Giant Douche.
106
00:06:29,271 --> 00:06:30,290
(Giant Douche! Vote for him!)
107
00:06:30,601 --> 00:06:31,696
Giant Douche is your man!
108
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:36,172
Kyle, aren't you taking this a little too far? I mean, do
we really want a giant douche to be our school mascot?
109
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,985
Dude, I'm not going to lose to Cartman's
stupid turd sandwich.
110
00:06:42,213 --> 00:06:46,281
Vote for Turd Sandwich. This is the most
important election of our lives.
111
00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:50,795
Turd Sandwich brings us hope for change. A vote
for Turd Sandwich is a Vote for Tomorrow!
112
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,245
There. Do you really want that asshole to win?
113
00:06:53,492 --> 00:06:54,228
I'm not voting!
114
00:06:54,519 --> 00:06:59,528
What? Y-you gotta vote, dude. Haven't you seen the Rock
the Vote stuff or, or Puff Daddy's Vote or Die??
115
00:06:59,644 --> 00:07:00,699
I just think this whole thing is stupid!
116
00:07:02,502 --> 00:07:07,690
Kenny, we have got to make Stan understand the importance
of voting, because he'll definitely vote for our guy.
117
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:08,372
(Yeah.)
118
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,057
How was school today, Stanley?
119
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,610
It was ridiculous.
We have to have a new school mascot
120
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,271
and we're supposed to vote between
a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
121
00:07:18,634 --> 00:07:20,096
...What did you say?
122
00:07:20,776 --> 00:07:23,625
Did you just say that... voting is ridiculous?
123
00:07:23,625 --> 00:07:28,038
No, I think voting is great, but, if I have to choose between
a douche and a turd, I just don't see the point.
124
00:07:28,413 --> 00:07:31,634
You don't see the point!! Oh you
young people just make me sick!
125
00:07:31,956 --> 00:07:34,875
Stanley, do you know how many people died
so you could have the right to vote?!
126
00:07:35,141 --> 00:07:38,194
Mom, a-I just don't think there's much of a difference
between a douche and a turd. I d-I don't care.
127
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:44,817
You don't care?! You really want a turd sandwich as your
school mascot?! On your football helmets?! A turd?!
128
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:49,526
Well, hold on, Randy, I think a turd sandwich is a little
better than them having a giant douche on their uniforms.
129
00:07:49,896 --> 00:07:51,973
You're crazy!! A d-a douche is at least clean!
130
00:07:52,309 --> 00:07:53,779
It's sexist is what it is!
131
00:07:54,089 --> 00:07:55,644
You don't understand the issues, Sharon!
132
00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:56,922
Are you calling me ignorant??
133
00:07:57,168 --> 00:08:00,519
You think the school mascot should be a turd
sandwich? Well you're not exactly Einstein!
134
00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:03,411
I am sick of you belittling my opinion, you son of a bitch!
135
00:08:05,043 --> 00:08:06,745
I hate this family, I hate it!
136
00:08:15,365 --> 00:08:16,079
Puff Daddy?
137
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:19,935
Your friend Kyle said you don't understand
the importance of voting.
138
00:08:20,678 --> 00:08:21,050
I...
139
00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:24,463
Apparently you haven't heard of my
"Vote or Die" campaign.
140
00:08:25,524 --> 00:08:26,410
"Vote or Die"?
141
00:08:26,692 --> 00:08:27,262
What the hell does that even mean?!
142
00:08:29,406 --> 00:08:30,262
What you think it means, bitch!
143
00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:31,382
AAAAH!!
144
00:08:34,089 --> 00:08:36,519
Vote or die, mother_, mother_er, vote or die!
145
00:08:36,769 --> 00:08:39,291
Rock the vote or else I'm gonna
stick a knife through your eye.
146
00:08:39,291 --> 00:08:41,523
Democracy is founded on one simple rule!
147
00:08:42,006 --> 00:08:44,373
Get out there and vote or I will mother__ kill you.
148
00:08:46,298 --> 00:08:46,422
Yeh.
149
00:08:46,937 --> 00:08:49,147
I like it when you vote, bitch! (bitch!)
150
00:08:49,393 --> 00:08:51,427
Shake them titties when you vote, bitch! (bitch!)
151
00:08:51,691 --> 00:08:53,860
I slam my jimmy through your mouth roof (mouth roof)
152
00:08:54,173 --> 00:08:56,484
Now get your big ass in the pollin' booth.
153
00:08:56,804 --> 00:09:00,042
I said vote, bitch, or I'll f_____ kill you!
154
00:09:01,905 --> 00:09:04,278
Vote or die, mother_, mother_, vote or die!
155
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,823
You can't run from a .38, go ahead and try!
156
00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:09,442
Let your opinion be heard!
You gotta make a choice
157
00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:12,011
'Cause after I slit your throat
you won't have a f____ voice
158
00:09:14,529 --> 00:09:16,735
'Vote or die! Vote or die!
159
00:09:18,802 --> 00:09:20,740
Okay. I'll vote.
160
00:09:24,823 --> 00:09:27,836
Hello, Clyde.
161
00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:29,423
What do you guys want?
162
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,623
We were just wondering who you might be voting
for, for the school's new mascot.
163
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:33,803
I haven't decided yet.
164
00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:38,250
Oh really? Well that's interesting. You certainly should
think about it and make the right decision.
165
00:09:40,485 --> 00:09:41,610
Butterscotch candy?
166
00:09:43,177 --> 00:09:43,649
Sure.
167
00:09:46,033 --> 00:09:48,673
Clyde, are you aware of what Turd
Sandwich can bring to our school?
168
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:54,023
A turd sandwich is not only the first turd to be nominated
school mascot, but even the first, sandwich.
169
00:09:56,419 --> 00:09:59,702
You see, what Turd Sandwich brings to our school,
Clyde, is a complete package.
170
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:02,811
The turd and the coin.
And the lettuce, and the olives.
171
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:08,508
Whe-whereas Giant Douche is just, well
ju-just a, ju-ju-just a giant douche.
172
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,168
So, come voting day, you'll now most likely
vote for the turd sandwich, yes?
173
00:10:16,235 --> 00:10:17,477
I'm still not totally sure.
174
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,456
Well then, perhaps we could interest you in
175
00:10:21,859 --> 00:10:23,652
another butterscotch candy?
176
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,676
You're doing the right thing, Stan. Don't you
feel like you're a part of something now?
177
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:34,476
I guess...
178
00:10:37,806 --> 00:10:42,203
Look, it may not seem important now, but your vote
really does count, and we all have to do our part.
179
00:10:42,515 --> 00:10:43,043
Okay.
180
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:46,159
Look... wait, what are you doing?
181
00:10:46,717 --> 00:10:47,253
I'm voting.
182
00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:49,544
No, no, you... you wrote down Turd Sandwich.
183
00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:50,620
Yeah, I know.
184
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:54,572
...Dude, you're supposed
to vote for Giant Douche.
185
00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:56,789
I thoght I was supposed to make my own decision.
186
00:10:57,065 --> 00:10:59,821
Well yeah, but not if your decision is for Turd
Sandwich! What the hell is wrong with you?!
187
00:11:00,196 --> 00:11:02,423
Wait a minute, you didn't want me to vote
you wanted me to vote for your guy!
188
00:11:02,759 --> 00:11:05,188
Well, I just figured you'd vote for my
guy! Who's fuckin' friend are you?!
189
00:11:05,514 --> 00:11:06,240
Puffy!
190
00:11:06,511 --> 00:11:07,501
Hey, fuck off, Kyle.
191
00:11:07,538 --> 00:11:09,767
Don't let them intimidate you, Stan.
I'll help walk you to the booth.
192
00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:12,447
And then I'm gonna buy you a niiice
steak dinner with all the trimmings.
193
00:11:12,447 --> 00:11:14,842
Oh forget it!
I'm not gonna be persuaded into voting
194
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,845
and I'm and I'm not gonna be threatened into voting
if I don't feel comfortable with it!
195
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,222
I'm not gonna vote and you can all just live with it!
196
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:27,057
We've simply had it with your son, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh
Voting just doesn't appear to be important to 'im.
197
00:11:27,431 --> 00:11:30,368
Stanley, when you left for school this morning
you said you were going to vote!
198
00:11:30,897 --> 00:11:31,840
The whole thing is a joke!
199
00:11:32,515 --> 00:11:36,404
You see? He's out of control. It's nearly
torn our whole family apart.
200
00:11:36,995 --> 00:11:42,923
Well, my hands are tied. We can no longer have Stan's behavior
jeopardizing the other children. He must be removed.
201
00:11:43,282 --> 00:11:46,432
Ogh! Are you happy now, Stan? You
just got yourself suspended!
202
00:11:46,743 --> 00:11:51,690
Nno, I'm afraid it's worse than that. By county law I'm
bound to enforce the harshest punishment possible.
203
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:53,623
Expulsion??
204
00:11:54,399 --> 00:11:56,349
No. Banishment.
205
00:11:57,464 --> 00:11:58,345
B-bani-banishment?
206
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:04,774
You can appeal to the city council, but I don't think it'll do
any good. Your son must leave South Park, never to return.
207
00:12:05,404 --> 00:12:06,514
Oh, Randy!
208
00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:11,740
Our son, banished.
Where did we go wrong??
209
00:12:16,217 --> 00:12:18,028
Ya... you're all joking, right?
210
00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:25,162
As it was in the times of our forefathers,
so it is now.
211
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:32,389
Stan Marsh, for not following our most sacred of rites,
you are hereby banished from South Park for all eternity.
212
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,972
Or until you decide that voting is important.
213
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:39,392
Good-bye, Stan. May the gods treat
you more kindly than we did.
214
00:12:54,378 --> 00:12:57,330
Stan, don't you think this has gone far
enough? Is it really that big a deal?
215
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,702
Yeah, just vote. For Giant Douche.
216
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:04,714
I'm not voting!
217
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,780
You, Puffy man,
are we just gonna let this happen?
218
00:13:12,011 --> 00:13:13,279
We've gots to kill this non-votin' fool!
219
00:13:13,957 --> 00:13:18,986
No, Justacious, let him go. He won't survive
a fortnight in the wilderness.
220
00:13:20,903 --> 00:13:24,658
This is breaking your mother's heart, Stan.
She couldn't even help tie you to the horse.
221
00:13:25,062 --> 00:13:26,025
Dad, isn't this a little extreme?
222
00:13:26,462 --> 00:13:30,373
Jesus. I guess maybe you'll never understand
how important voting is.
223
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:32,143
Goodbye, Stan.
224
00:13:46,774 --> 00:13:49,696
That's... one of the hardest things
a parent ever has to do.
225
00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:08,096
Look! What is that?
226
00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:09,610
Oh, the poor thing!
227
00:14:10,076 --> 00:14:10,722
Hello?
228
00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:12,989
Don't worry, we'll free you.
229
00:14:13,673 --> 00:14:14,821
Just sit still for a moment.
230
00:14:15,527 --> 00:14:15,928
Oh thank God.
231
00:14:16,451 --> 00:14:18,070
Get offa him, you filthy human!
232
00:14:20,970 --> 00:14:22,457
Poor thing needs water.
233
00:14:22,679 --> 00:14:23,638
You'er safe now.
234
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,245
Shame on you, making this horse your slave.
235
00:14:28,112 --> 00:14:28,561
Awww!
236
00:14:29,490 --> 00:14:30,841
Come, you can live with us.
237
00:14:31,149 --> 00:14:32,625
We will give you food and shelter.
238
00:14:32,825 --> 00:14:33,506
What about me?
239
00:14:33,864 --> 00:14:35,090
OPEN THE GATE!
240
00:14:45,789 --> 00:14:47,922
This poor creature is in need of food and water.
241
00:14:48,481 --> 00:14:50,174
You have a home here, friend.
242
00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:52,774
The... kid wants to stay, too.
243
00:14:53,144 --> 00:14:54,961
I was put on the horse. I didn't wanna ride it.
244
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:59,921
I don't know if you can stay. We'll
have to ask Dr. Cornwallis. Come.
245
00:15:02,739 --> 00:15:08,357
We don't normally allow outsiders.
See, here we live in harmony with animals.
246
00:15:08,627 --> 00:15:14,339
They're not our pets but our fellow living beings.
We work with the animals and try to live as they do.
247
00:15:17,899 --> 00:15:22,236
We make friends with the animals.
We coexist, and we... intermarry.
248
00:15:22,734 --> 00:15:24,178
This is my wife, Janice.
249
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:30,894
The outside world looks down on a man marrying
a llama, but our love knows no boundaries.
250
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:38,880
Wow, you guys really love animals.
251
00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:43,168
And why not? Mark here has been
with Kelly for three years now.
252
00:15:43,883 --> 00:15:46,946
And Gary and Sally here have just
managed to have a child together.
253
00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:50,349
Kill me...
254
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,598
Yes, life here is good and natural.
255
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:59,270
But now that you know where our compound is,
you'll either have to live with us, or be murdered.
256
00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:00,780
I'll live with you.
257
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:05,063
It's not up to you.
You'll have to talk with Dr. Cornwallis.
258
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:31,585
What did he say?
259
00:16:32,115 --> 00:16:33,419
He said I can stay.
260
00:16:34,004 --> 00:16:39,357
Excellent! Dr. Cornwallis is wise beyond his year
Here's your PETA shirt and a bumper sticker.
261
00:16:41,909 --> 00:16:44,849
Debate 2004]
262
00:16:45,815 --> 00:16:49,477
This is Debate 2004 with your host, Jim Lehrer.
263
00:16:49,857 --> 00:16:53,665
Welcome to the cable-access televised
debate between a giant douche
264
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:54,828
and a turd sandwich.
265
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:56,605
We'll start with Giant Douche.
266
00:16:56,605 --> 00:17:01,800
Sir, some students and parents are reluctant
to have a... giant douche represent them.
267
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,272
What do you say to those people?
268
00:17:03,301 --> 00:17:06,430
Jim, first of all I would like to thank you
for monitoring this debate.
269
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:09,474
And I would like to thank all of the students
and their parents for coming.
270
00:17:09,498 --> 00:17:11,103
Aww, suck-up, suck-up!
271
00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:13,201
What?! It's an obvious suck-up move.
272
00:17:13,528 --> 00:17:19,634
But I would hope that those students and their parents
who question my qualities would simply look at my opponent.
273
00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:21,676
He is a turd sandwich.
274
00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:23,080
You're a turd sandwich.
275
00:17:24,224 --> 00:17:27,635
... No, sir, if you'll pardon me, you
are in fact, the turd sandwich.
276
00:17:27,635 --> 00:17:28,785
You're a turd sandwich.
277
00:17:29,771 --> 00:17:31,223
... Sir, you are a turd sandwich.
278
00:17:31,223 --> 00:17:32,279
You're a turd sandwich.
279
00:17:33,409 --> 00:17:36,153
Ahh, Turd Sandwich, I will ask you not to speak out of turn.
280
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,612
I I'm sorry, Jim.
281
00:17:38,147 --> 00:17:42,330
Anyway, as I was saying, ahh... wait
I I forgot what I was saying.
282
00:17:42,678 --> 00:17:43,545
Ha. Wha-hat a douche.
283
00:17:43,898 --> 00:17:46,199
All right, Turd Sandwich,
this next question is for you.
284
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:51,563
How should South Park Elementaryenforce its laws
of conduct for young athletes during sporting events.
285
00:17:56,381 --> 00:18:00,270
... Uh you know, uh, my opponent wouldn't even
know the answer to that question.
286
00:18:00,270 --> 00:18:03,270
If you ask him the same question,
he would not answer it.
287
00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:07,560
He would stand around and just babble on and on about nothing
until he was finally saved by the buzzer sound.
288
00:18:08,258 --> 00:18:09,251
Your time is up, Turd.
289
00:18:12,086 --> 00:18:15,571
Stan, I want to introduce you to my stepdaughter, Teresa.
290
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,054
She seems to have taken a liking to you.
291
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:21,530
And she's ovulating.
292
00:18:22,127 --> 00:18:23,647
Ahh no thanks, that's okay.
293
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:27,968
Stan, some PETA members are growing concerned
that maybe you don't love animals.
294
00:18:28,496 --> 00:18:31,355
I do love animals, just
...nnot like you guys do.
295
00:18:31,907 --> 00:18:35,549
You... don't belong here, Stan. You should return home.
296
00:18:35,971 --> 00:18:37,823
I can't. I was banished for not voting.
297
00:18:38,164 --> 00:18:39,809
But, why on earth wouldn't you wanna vote?
298
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,662
I think voting is great. I just didn't care this time because
it was between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
299
00:18:44,028 --> 00:18:49,434
But Stan, don't you know, it's always between
a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
300
00:18:49,434 --> 00:18:54,180
Nearly every election since the beginning of
time has been between some douche and some turd.
301
00:18:54,180 --> 00:18:57,942
They're the only people who suck up
enough to make it that far in politics.
302
00:18:58,241 --> 00:18:59,803
I guess... I guess you're right.
303
00:19:00,905 --> 00:19:03,884
Yo, what did I say was going
to happen to you, bitch?
304
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:05,835
AAAAAH!
305
00:19:06,557 --> 00:19:08,508
Aaaah!! He's wearing the skin of an animal!
306
00:19:09,827 --> 00:19:10,521
Take that!
307
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,925
I... hope that teaches you a lesson about being hurt.
308
00:19:18,273 --> 00:19:19,556
Itius, Rodicus!
309
00:19:23,831 --> 00:19:25,016
Vote or die!
310
00:19:26,628 --> 00:19:27,340
AAAAH!!
311
00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:30,713
Protect the animals! Protect the animals!
312
00:19:35,027 --> 00:19:37,717
Janice, we shall die together in each other's arms!
313
00:19:42,203 --> 00:19:45,375
Kill me! Kill meee!!
314
00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:55,615
M'kay, that's one more vote for Turd Sandwich.
315
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,853
So who won, Mr. Mackey?
316
00:19:58,952 --> 00:20:02,075
It's pretty close, but it looks
like Giant Douche is gonna win.
317
00:20:02,461 --> 00:20:04,204
Oh no! NOOO!!
318
00:20:04,577 --> 00:20:05,740
HA! You lose, fatass!
319
00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,015
Uh hey, wait a minute, look!
320
00:20:12,895 --> 00:20:13,719
Stan!
321
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,578
Stan, you came back. Does that mean...
you learned the importance of voting?
322
00:20:19,164 --> 00:20:21,811
I learned that I'd better get used to having
to pick between a douche
323
00:20:21,811 --> 00:20:24,061
and a turd sandwich because
it's usually the choice I'll have.
324
00:20:24,085 --> 00:20:25,161
He's going to vote!!
325
00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:27,260
He's going to vote. He's going to vote.
326
00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:32,212
Let's get out the vote!
Let's make our voices heard!
327
00:20:32,863 --> 00:20:36,924
We've been given the right to choose
between a douche and a turd.
328
00:20:37,576 --> 00:20:41,971
It's democracy in action!
Put your freedom to the test.
329
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:47,383
A big fat turd or a stupid douche.
Which do you like best?
330
00:20:48,724 --> 00:20:53,569
Stan's vote bring the total votes
for Turd Sandwich to... thirty six!
331
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:59,887
And Giant Douche has... one thousand four hundred
and ten. Giant Douche still wins.
332
00:20:59,911 --> 00:21:01,458
Yeah! All right!
333
00:21:01,991 --> 00:21:02,900
AWWWW!!
334
00:21:03,394 --> 00:21:04,972
Dude, so my vote didn't even really matter!
335
00:21:05,337 --> 00:21:07,038
Hey! That's not true, Stan.
336
00:21:07,797 --> 00:21:11,107
You can't judge the merits of voting on
whether or not your candidate won.
337
00:21:11,458 --> 00:21:13,044
Your vote still mattered.
338
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:14,428
Hey everybody!
339
00:21:14,769 --> 00:21:17,729
They just found all the PETA members
murdered at their compound!
340
00:21:18,803 --> 00:21:21,951
What the? They're all dead?
Well, that means...
341
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,778
That we can go back to being the South Park Cows!
342
00:21:25,104 --> 00:21:27,230
Hooray! All right!
343
00:21:28,099 --> 00:21:29,648
Now, your vote didn't matter.
344
00:21:30,099 --> 00:21:32,648
WilLoW :--) 2005 Jan 23rd
28807
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