Original subtitles

NILES: Previously on Doom Patrol...

JANE: Something's off.

It just seems like a pretty big coincidence.

MIRANDA: What does?

We were all doing just fine, and then you showed up.

I want Harry.

- JANE: Who? - SECRETARY: Kay's stuffed animal.

Harry was our best friend, but we lost him.

Then let's find him.

I'm... getting married.

I know it's short notice, but you should come.

CLIFF: Nothing can keep me away.

We're trying to locate Roni Evers.

How could you kill a man in cold blood?

If you knew what those people did to me,

you would not be asking me that.

- Let me go. - You know I can't do that.

VIC: So you wanna become a superhero?

RITA: I'm a superhero, Victor.

You should be the one to give it to Kay.

I'm glad we're finally on the same page.

[SCREAMING]

Hello, Kipling. What will you do with her?

KIPLING: You don't have to worry about that.

NILES: I need one more day.

Today is Dorothy Day.

Can I go to the fair?

- Yes. - CANDLEMAKER: It's time, Dorothy.

It's time.

[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Keep your eyes on your fellow man ♪

♪ Old man Caesar in his big empire ♪

♪ Would just sit by Still grew higher and higher ♪

♪ Never had to worry about a dime to spend ♪

♪ He won the world in a year or two ♪

♪ Told everybody just what to do ♪

♪ But he sure found out ♪

♪ Brutus wasn't his friend ♪

♪ Well, that's it, Jack Don't turn your back ♪

♪ Don't you keep your mind in a paper sack ♪

♪ Just keep your eyes on your fellow man ♪

Song was for you.

Knew it was time for your break.

Take half. It's all I got today.

Been savin' up them nickels you usually give me.

You're like a cat. You know that?

Mysterious.

Can't tell if you want someone for petting

or for scratching.

Just getting familiar with my surroundings.

Where you from?

Many places.

Does the cat have a name?

- Miranda. - Miranda.

Well, I could show you around.

Take you to some new spots.

We could dance a little?

My favorite? The Blue Moon Bar.

Best jukebox in town.

Maybe Saturday night?

Sure.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

This is what I bought with the nickels you give me.

It's for you.

Been waiting for you to give me the time of day.

Does this work on other girls?

Is it working on you?

[SIGHS]

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.

[GROANS]

Nah.

Been dreaming about this day, just happy.

Didn't mean no disrespect.

Let me slow it down for you.

Let's start over.

Saturday night.

Ah.

I get off at 7:00.

["PICTURES OF YOU" PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

LARRY: Uh...

Laundry day?

CLIFF: Clara's getting married and somehow,

for the grace of sweet baby Jesus,

I scored a ticket.

And you're going to wear a T-shirt?

Which will be fine. I mean...

everyone will be looking at the bride, anyway.

I'm having a hard time picking one out.

I'm going for the most clean and least offensive.

Tough choices.

This is a solid collection.

Jane picked them for me. Who are you?

I'm Miranda.

Miranda? Didn't you jump into a well?

I did. I healed.

Where's Jane?

Resting. We took a trip to our childhood home

and I'm afraid she was triggered.

She had to climb into an old well. It was pretty rough.

Oh. Okay. Tell her I said "hey."

Well, if everyone's going to be looking at the bride...

When your father is a gigantic robot?

That's a point.

Miranda's awesome.

♪ Remembering you... ♪

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Vic, you've been playing this sad love song on repeat.

[VOLUME DECREASES]

It's the only thing that helps.

Everyone gets their heart broken.

I had mine broken at least 16 times

by the time I was your age.

There's no superhuman strength

that can save you from heartache.

I lost her.

[SIGHS]

I'm a failure.

You think you failed?

I had a shot to stop Roni, just like you.

And I completely...

froze.

Like an idiot.

[SIGHS]

Cliff is leaving for his daughter's wedding.

We need to say goodbye.

♪ That I ever wanted more ♪

♪ Than to never feel the breaking apart ♪

♪ All my pictures of you ♪

Well, proud papa is off to see my baby girl do that thing

that is usually the biggest mistake of people's lives.

She'll be so happy her father is there.

Oh, God. You can't just do that to a person.

HERSCHEL: Armageddon.

CLIFF: You forgot to say knock-knock.

HERSCHEL: No, real Armageddon.

It's happening at the Dietel County Fair.

Dorothy needs help.

She can't hold back the Candlemaker.

And what, pray tell, is the Candlemaker?

CLIFF: It's everything Chief warned us about

when he warned us about Dorothy.

HERSCHEL: He's wreaking havoc and now the Chief's dying.

And nobody can find him.

And all of humanity's about to go up in wax.

We're on our way.

HERSCHEL: Hurry!

What, I can't lead a mission?

Okay.

- I'm in. - Me too.

You think Flit can get us there?

Flit's in. So am I.

Well, I'm out. I wanna see my daughter get married.

If it's the end of the world, there won't be a wedding.

If it's the end of the world,

I deserve to spend it with my family.

What the hell are we?

For as long as I can remember,

no one out there has given a damn about us.

- We're all we have. - So that's it?

- Chief wins again? - VIC: This isn't about the Chief.

This is about Dorothy.

And for me, it's about Clara.

I have a daughter, too!

He's responsible for the life he fucked up.

I'm responsible for the life I fucked up.

I'm going to repair mine.

If you want to be the man your daughter expects you to be,

then you'll help an 11-year-old girl whose life is in danger.

BUMP: Hi, you've reached Salty Bumps' Bar and Restaurant and Tackle Shop.

- Our operating hours are 8:00 am... - Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

- ...to 2:00 am. - Fuck you, Bump.

- Closed on Sundays, for Jesus. - Fuck!

Uh, hi, Clara, it's your fucking Father of the Year.

Something's come up and I'm not sure

I understand myself, but...

I might have to miss the wedding.

I'm sorry.

And I know, I'm the last guy you want to hear another promise from,

but I promise to be there to welcome my first and only grandchild.

- I mean it. - [BEEP]

Oh, I'm a fucking loser.

[CALLIOPE PLAYING]

- [WHOOSHING] - MIRANDA: Thanks, Flit.

LARRY: What the hell happened here?

CLIFF: Okay. So,

we have teleported up Walt Disney's asshole.

Now what?

We find Niles, we find Dorothy and we get the hell out of here.

Yeah, good luck with that.

CLIFF: What the fuck kind of Mike Tyson shit happened to you?

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

You can hold it back.

Concentrate.

You have to concentrate.

CANDLEMAKER: The time for concentration is over, girl.

I am here.

And so are your friends.

Good. Then they'll stop you.

Forget the girl, save yourselves.

The Candlemaker's hijacked that little shit's imagination,

summoned imaginary friends to do its bidding.

Imaginary friends? Like the spider?

"Like the spider," he says...

You clueless pack of twats have no idea what we're up against.

Our imaginary friends.

He's behind me, isn't he?

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Your imaginary friend is a Punch and Judy puppet?

It was the 15th century.

We didn't have Bugs cunting Bunny.

- He's gone. - What the fuck?

LARRY: For the first time, I actually agree with Cliff.

What the fuck?

Look, Kipling can worry about himself.

We need to find Niles, and fast.

Let's split up.

CLIFF: We're gonna find Niles and we're gonna kill that fucker dead.

You hear me? Fucking fuck!

LARRY: It's funny. I never had an imaginary friend.

CLIFF: That is the saddest thing I have ever heard.

[GASPS]

[ALARM BLARING]

What's wrong? What's happening?

Sorry, the line went down.

Why did you go to the fairground?

Dorothy is not our friend.

You pulled the alarm to question me?

My job is to keep us moving forward.

That means making amends.

Even Jane would think before doing some stupid shit like that.

Amends with that thing up there that killed some of our own?

By the way, where is Jane?

DRILLER BILL: Maybe she's with Lucy Fugue or Scarlet Harlot.

They're missing, too.

[ALARM CONTINUES BLARING]

Have any of you asked yourself if this is what the girl wants?

Hmm?

Do you even know what Kay wants?

Because I do.

Tell you what, you little doggies keep yapping at each other.

I have things to do.

Mademoiselle Roxy?

Hello, my starlet, rosy cheeks Rita.

[LAUGHS] Look at you.

How long's it been?

- Ninety years. - ROXY: Wow.

Well, I'd say we've both held up pretty well.

Am I still all the things you aspire to?

MAN: Howdy, partner!

Dr. Cowboy?

DR. COWBOY: Well, I'll be gosh darned

if you don't look tougher than nails in that getup.

You're not Dr. Cowboy. You can't be.

Did you, uh... You make all that yourself?

What is that? Aluminum foil?

Not another step.

Oh! I remember this game.

RITA: What's going on here?

I assume you're going to, what, attack me?

Try to rip me limb from limb?

I feel I should warn you.

I have certain abilities now,

abilities I didn't possess as a child.

Stretchy abilities.

Blobby abilities.

They're really quite something.

Attack you? Oh.

I have something much better planned.

I'm afraid running isn't an option, dear.

Whenever you're ready.

Draw! [GROANS]

You got me. [SCOFFS]

But you were always a good shot, Vic.

[PANTING] Plus, all I got is beakers.

[GRUNTS]

This is it for Dr. Cowboy, Vic.

[PANTING]

Everything's so pale.

So pale.

How are you still here?

Well, I reckon it's on account of me

being in your imagination.

Besides, you and I need to talk, partner.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

I understand you're having female problems.

- ROXY: Ready? - We'll see.

ROXY: Then a one and a two and a...

Oh.

Not bad, kid. You still got it.

CLIFF: Chief?

Dorothy? Hello?

It's all good.

We'll find shithead and his kid and we'll split.

I might even make it to the wedding in time to see Clara toss the--

Oh! [GRUNTS]

Get off me. Get off me!

- Jesus? - Hey, Cliffy, you piece of shit.

What the fuck? You were my imaginary friend

for, like, half a summer at Bible Camp!

Yeah. And then you forsook my ass.

CLIFF: Wait! Jesus.

I come in peace.

Maybe we could talk this out?

You think I give a French fried titty-fuck

about anything you have to say right now, Cliff?

I'm here to end you.

[CLIFF YELLS]

[ROCK BALLAD PLAYING]

♪ If you could read my mind, love... ♪

Where do you want it?

Uh... This works, I think.

[SIGHS]

♪ About a ghost from a wishing well... ♪

♪ In a castle dark ♪

You wanna take a break and fool around?

Uh, kind of.

♪ You know that ghost is me ♪

[CHUCKLING]

♪ And I will never be set free ♪

♪ As long as I'm a ghost... ♪

What?

I'm just thinking back to that girl I met at the diner a couple years ago.

The one who went bananas when I touched her cheek.

Oh.

I hear she's a sex maniac now.

Mmm-hmm.

♪ Just like a paperback novel ♪

♪ The kind the drugstore sells ♪

Can't believe we're doing this.

I know you keep saying that,

so I'll believe it, eventually.

Don't put that on me, okay?

♪ And you won't read that book again ♪

I'm not.

I'm just not as sure about everything I do like you.

Okay?

I have...

things I...

have to think of before I make a decision like this.

Look...

I know you didn't have the happiest of homes growing up.

And I know you need your alone time to sketch

and talk to yourself or whatever.

But I want you to know that we'll make this work.

I know.

You think we can actually get this place set up by Saturday?

What's this "we" business?

I'm sorry I can't take a day. I gotta be seen around the office

- if they're going to move me up. - Hmm.

Remember that dirty hippie guitarist outside the diner?

I hear he got a job.

- Mmm. - Hmm.

Yeah. He's working for the man now.

It's cool.

I'll have this place unpacked and fantastic

before the housewarming on Saturday.

Your friends will be blown away.

Our friends.

Mmm. Our friends are really your friends.

Well, they all love you.

I know. I just...

feel alone sometimes when we all hang out.

Okay.

You wanna come up with a sign?

Let me know if you start feeling alone?

Mmm-hmm. How's this?

Too subtle.

Just hit me in the face and I'll know.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey.

Yeah?

I left the moving van unlocked.

You should go downstairs before someone steals your stuff.

Shit.

♪ And I've got to say that I just don't get it ♪

♪ I don't know where we went wrong ♪

♪ But the feeling's gone and I just can't get it back ♪

[SOFTLY] Thank you.

This is a good thing, for all of us.

I promise.

[ECHOING] I promise.

CANDLEMAKER: I know you think you're helping your friends,

but the only power here is mine.

And the longer you try to hold me back,

the more I'm going to torture them.

- Just remember, the pain I inflict... - [WHIMPERS]

...it's all on you.

[ARCADE CABINETS SOUNDING FRANTICALLY]

[WHIMPERING]

Chief! Can you hear me?

[CALLIOPE PLAYING]

Kipling?

What the hell happened to you?

[GASPS]

Help!

Jesus?

Jesus?

Okay... Okay.

Jesus! [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

Fuck!

You imaginary-ass bitch. How's this real shit feel, huh?

- [GRUNTS] - Oh, my eye!

Jesus!

[CLIFF SHOUTING]

[CALLIOPE PLAYING]

ROXY: Getting tired?

Not on your life.

ROXY: Oh, dancing together again

makes me almost wish you never got that part.

Your career takes off and old Roxy gets crumpled

and tossed in the bin.

I guess success does change people.

It wasn't the role. It's how I got it.

- ROXY: What did you have to do? - I didn't have to do a thing.

It was my mother.

So you just let this Roni character go?

Roni's not all bad.

I know that.

And what about Quorum?

After what they did to her,

maybe they deserve what's coming to 'em.

They do sound like a bunch of no-good varmints.

So, what do you think?

You followed your gut.

I'm sure you made the right decision.

[GRUNTING]

Oh, fuck. You stupid frozen arm.

- Not now. - Let me fix it for you.

CLIFF: Fuck! Oh, shit!

You have her eyes, you know.

I cut them from a photo of her,

I loved her eyes so much.

But after what she did, what I saw...

I couldn't bear to look at her anymore. Or you.

CLIFF: Why are you doing this, man?

You're supposed to be all peaceful and shit.

[GRUNTING]

Why?

Why?

Because you're a stinkin' Judas, dude.

We were thick as thieves all through Bible Camp,

until one day, out of the blue,

you act like you don't know me!

You don't play Jesus like that.

- Fuck Bible Camp! - Fuck you!

That's not what I'm asking. I want some advice.

No sirree! [CHUCKLES]

Now that's what your dad is for.

Advice. Critiques. Judgment. [SCOFFS]

No, you made me for affirmation.

- That's not true. - Sure it is.

Whatever you do,

I'm here to pat you on the back and say yeehaw.

So... yeehaw, Vic.

You let a killer go loose. But, hey,

if you're okay with it, so am I.

I was only at that fucking place because my mom needed me

out of the house

when she and my dad were splitting up for like the millionth time.

Oh. So the whole time you knew I was a temp?

No, man! What we had was great.

You were like a brother.

So what happened?

My dad came back.

And he swore things were gonna be different.

He was gonna change.

Not just with my mom, but me.

He promised we were gonna spend more time together.

- And you bought it? - I was six!

Of course I bought it. I needed my dad.

Six. Jesus, I had no idea.

Can you do that?

Take your name in vain?

Do you get some sort of pass?

No. Look, I hope it was worth it for you.

It wasn't.

He didn't change.

And on some level, I knew he never could.

I had to believe in my dad.

You know what that's like.

Thing is, I'm basically doing

the same thing with my daughter.

I'm sorry, Jesus.

It's all good, my man.

You became the last thing that I wanted to be.

CANDLEMAKER: And yet, that's exactly what you became.

Desperate. Willing to do anything to get the next role.

That's all you know how to do, isn't it?

DR. COWBOY: Look at yourself.

You'll always be that pathetic little boy, looking for validation.

Who are you?

CANDLEMAKER: Who are you?

That's why you always need a role, isn't it?

What? [GASPS]

You'll never grow up.

I should've known. Jesus forgives.

Yeah.

CANDLEMAKER: Unfortunately, for you,

I'm not Jesus.

CLIFF: What the fuck?

[EXPLOSION]

[ROCK SONG PLAYING]

We get it almost every night

♪ When that moon gets big and bright... ♪

- Miranda, this place is great! - Thanks.

Bob. I share an office with John.

Bob. Right. Good to see you.

Don't get too used to this apartment.

If that guy over there keeps making moves,

you'll be buying a place out in the suburbs.

[MOUTHING]

Oh, looks like someone needs a drink.

Get some of that rye if there's any left.

[LAUGHS]

What's so funny?

It's official. You throw a hell of a party.

[LAUGHING]

Um...

I have to deliver this.

Hey there. What's happening?

[SOFTLY] Bob kissed me.

He did?

- I told you everyone loves you. - That's all you have to say about it?

Yeah, it's cool. Just be cool.

I am cool.

And we're entitled to howl at the moon every once in a while.

I didn't know it was going to be this kind of party.

Did you?

Hey, this could actually be good for us.

What are you talking about?

Trying something new. Don't be so uptight.

You can be free with your body. It's all about love.

I'll be with you the whole time.

I can't.

This is a lot.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry. We're moving too fast here.

[SIGHS]

You were right.

We shouldn't have moved in together. We're in two different places.

What?

- Wait. - We're in a rut, Miranda.

I know you feel it.

I hoped getting this place would shake you out of it.

I love you,

but I can't stay stuck anymore.

Life is about moving forward,

experiencing new things.

I wanna do that with you.

Don't you wanna move forward?

Okay. Yeah.

That's my girl.

[SOBBING]

[SOFTLY] Okay, we have to do this.

It's gonna be fine.

You'll see. It's gonna be fine.

JOHN: Hey, hon...

you know Bob, of course.

And this is his wife, Tilly.

Hey.

♪ It is such a fine and natural sight ♪

♪ Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight ♪

♪ Dancin' in the moonlight ♪

[ROCK SONG PLAYING]

♪ I've been hungry all day long ♪

[ALL MOANING]

♪ For that girl whose wastin' time ♪

♪ She was here but now she's gone ♪

♪ I've got a taste for wine ♪

You're so good. So fucking good.

♪ See the hell you put me through ♪

♪ We are tears dressed in blue ♪

[PANTING]

Such a good girl.

[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]

[MOANS]

What is this?

[LAUGHING]

What are you doing?

[SPUTTERS] Please...

don't.

I have to go.

What's that? You... You okay?

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[MOANING]

Fuck it. It's all for free.

It's all for free.

[MOANING]

Get off me.

Get off me!

What's the matter?

What happened?

Miranda?

[IMPERCEPTIBLE]

[LAUGHTER]

[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING]

You were supposed to keep us safe.

Kay.

Kay...

I thought I could lead us forward.

But I just led us back here. I'm sorry, Kay.

JOHN: Come on, baby, come on.

BOB: What do we do?

WOMAN: Did she OD?

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

MAN: Come now.

WOMAN: Oh. Thank Christ.

Give her some air, you guys.

Come on, sweetheart.

Hey. Oh.

You scared the shit out of me. What happened? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah. Fine as wine.

Okay.

So... who wants to get back to fucking? You?

What do you say, Bobby? You seemed to be enjoying it before.

You wanna run up in it again?

How about you?

There's room for more gash, right?

Maybe he sticks it in while one of you ride my face?

Or maybe we start up a daisy chain

and he watches while he cranks it.

- Come on. Let's be free! - Miranda.

You motherfuckers.

You don't know a thing about love.

Not one of you.

This shit that happened tonight?

This scene isn't about love or freedom.

It's just more control.

Cooked up by men like this asshole!

They stay in control

and keep taking from clueless bitches.

And we let them because we've tricked ourselves

into believing it's a fucking choice.

I don't know who's worse in this shitbox.

The tiny-dicked losers...

or all of you sheep opening up for them

because you're afraid... and empty.

Hey. Hey!

What the fuck was that?

You knew when you planned this little party.

You knew you'd have to push this on Miranda,

and you knew exactly how to do it.

I thought it would help us,

to grow!

Bullshit!

This was never about growing and evolving.

You just wanted to try some new pussy.

You know what?

You do need help, better than I can give you,

because you're fucking crazy, Miranda!

You want crazy? Here's crazy.

[GROANS]

And my name is Jane.

[NILES GROANING]

[WHEEZING]

[GRUNTS] Dorothy...

Dorothy...

[WHIMPERS]

[PANTING]

Dorothy!

Papa?

Come to me, darling. But first...

- you must cover your eyes. - DOROTHY: What?

Why?

Just do as I say, please.

DOROTHY: No...

[SOBS]

NILES: Dorothy, don't look.

Close your eyes.

I did this.

This is all on me.

Cliff.

[SOBBING, SCREAMING]

NILES: It'll be all right, darling.

We can still fix this.

[COUGHS]

Dorothy, please.

Darling...

come to me.

WOMAN: No.

Slava.

You cannot wait any longer, child.

- Don't listen to her. - SLAVA: He can't protect you.

Neither can your friends.

It is up to you...

alone.

[ELECTRICITY SURGING]

She's not here.

I know.

How dare you!

You unleashed this thing on your own daughter!

Are you a little girl? Or are you a woman?

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

NILES: She will always be a little girl.

- She has to be! - You don't know.

I know that

she cannot beat him!

You're not Miranda, are you?

SLAVA: It is her time.

And she must grow up.

Then who are you?

Oh.

Sweet baby.

Don't do it. Don't you do it!

Listen to me.

You can't beat him. Look at the others.

Look at how he destroyed them.

What chance do you think a little girl has?

Don't do this, Dorothy,

I'm begging you.

It's all right, Papa.

I know what I have to do now.

SLAVA: Girl...

you need a weapon.

I can make my own.

Dorothy...

CANDLEMAKER: Come, girl, and meet your fate.

Dorothy!

[SOBBING]