Original subtitles

Every Christmas,

our family would give anonymous gifts to another family,

a tradition we called elving.

One Christmas, we elved the Hagbarts.

Ugh, Finn Hagbart.

Where do I start?

He was my arch nemesis, my mortal enemy.

But let's be honest...

he bullied me good.

Yeah, I mean...

real good.

But after that year's Buckley, family tradition,

Finn and I came to a truce, more or less.

Then, the Hagbarts moved away,

and I thought that unpleasant chapter of my life

was closed for good.

Well, a few years later, the Hagbarts moved back into town.

It was my junior year of high school.

I was captain of the basketball team.

Allen was my true compadre.

His sister, Juniper, and I were kind of a thing.

Things are really looking up.

Well, maybe not so much for my brother, Peter.

- Have a great day, Peter.

Thank you.

You left this on the bus.

- I am so sorry!

Oh, it's okay.

My mom made it.

- Your mom made it?

Did you just say your mom made that project?

I just announced to the entire student body

that you won the science fair for that project!

- I'm sorry. I...

- Principal Doyle...

Has anyone ever told you

that you looked just like Clint Eastwood?

- Go ahead. Make my day.

- It's the jawline.

Wait...

No, it's the eyes.

Definitely the eyes.

- Do you know...

Feeb Hagbert?

- Peter Buckley, right?

- Yeah.

- The Hagberts just moved into that big, beautiful house

on Westminster.

- That's our house!

Well, I mean...

- It's the house we were gonna buy, but...

we couldn't afford it.

It's a cool house.

I'm gonna...

- Here, let me help you.

- Clint Eastwood, huh?

- My little merry noel

Can I have a kiss?

Hello?

Steve! Hi!

Oh no!

Yeah, of course! You can stay here anytime.

You know that.

Uh-huh.

Is that my project?

- You mean my project, right, mom?

- Pfft!

- Yeah.

All right. I can't wait for you to come.

Oh, yes! All right.

Awesome, Steve.

All right. See you then.

Buh-bye, Steve.

- The Hagbarts moved again!

They bought that big house on Westminster.

- Wait, the one we were gonna get?

- There goes that dream.

- Hey!

We remodeled! And...

I wanted the house so bad.

- Feeb Hagbart's pretty cute now.

- Wait, how could they afford that?

- You guys didn't hear this?

Oh my gosh.

Okay, so, Mr. Hagbart invents some kind of,

it's a computer, it's a gadget that...

Simon, I don't know what it is.

What mom was struggling to explain

was that Mr. Hagbart had made a small fortune

by putting store catalogs on disk for retailers.

in an era before the internet and online shopping

was really a thing, browsing these catalogs was a pastime

Simon was particularly fond of.

- Simon! - What?

- Now he's rich.

But we could still elf them.

No!

- Okay, okay! Gosh!

I'm trying to teach you good will and make you good people.

Jeez.

- Okay, so what did uncle Steve want?

- Uncle Steve has mold in his apartment,

so he's gonna be staying with us for the holidays!

And he said he's gonna help coach your basketball team.

- Our basketball team?

- Uncle Steve's kind of out there.

- He is. It's okay.

- Who wants to say the elving pledge?

All right, put your arms up.

We do hereby promise to fulfill our elving duties

with honor and bravery.

We will never divulge our...

Identities to the people we elf,

no matter what mayhem or Bedlam might be inflicted upon us.

This is our solemn pledge!

- Steve!

- Ooh!

Sup, dude?

Uncle Steve.

Mom says she practically raised him by herself.

But if that's true, how did he turn out so cool?

- Oh, now I see it.

- Hey, where's Simone?

- Oh, well he's working tonight.

And as you know, elving waits for no man.

- Who are we elving?

- Oh, okay, so, guys, I'm thinking...

Principal Doyle.

- Never in my lifetime.

- Yeah, we can't elf him. He's too harsh.

- Harsh?

I mean, I'd be harsh too if I had to deal

with smelly, hormonal teenagers all the time.

Hey, wait a minute. That's my life.

- Look, Principal Doyle,

he's raising those two little girls all by himself.

His wife passed away.

And you know the school doesn't pay him much.

- I'm a PE teacher. I get that.

- Yeah. I mean, maybe if we elf him, he won't be so harsh.

- So, folks, Principal Doyle? Hands up.

- All in favor?

- What's the deal with you two?

- Well, personally, I feel I can't cast a vote

for someone I work for, you know?

Isn't that like unconstitutional?

- Okay, we'll call that an abstention.

- I don't know what that means.

And you?

It was then I dropped the E bomb.

- I'm not going elving this year.

- I'm sorry, what?

- I thought I heard you just say

you weren't going elving this year.

- No, I know what I heard.

Are you serious, man?

- Look, there's no snow, and it's just stupid kid stuff!

- That's not kid stuff.

I mean, I'm older than you Mateo.

Bro, look at all these sad faces, man.

You don't wanna Scrooge this thing over.

Truth is I didn't wanna go.

I was just tired of being told what to do.

And as much as I hated disappointing everybody,

especially Uncle Steve, I'm a man now.

And so, you know, when a man makes up his mind, it's done.

- Can I go to my bedroom?

- Yeah, I think you better.

So, Principal Doyle it is.

Can we talk?

Why? You gonna make me go out elving?

- Well, I could do that, but...

what would be the point if your heart's not in it?

So, no, I'm not gonna make you.

- Thanks.

- Matthew, you need to come up with your own plan

to serve others this season.

I mean, it's what Christmas is all about.

It's the whole reason that we go elving.

- Like what?

- I don't know.

You're gonna have to figure that out yourself.

I mean, you're not a little boy anymore, right?

Figure it out?

I couldn't even figure out this dumb Rubik's cube.

Maybe dad was right.

I had to come up with a plan?

- Hey, Steve-O!

- Oh hey, Pam.

- Oh! You decorated.

- Yeah, these are me.

- I know.

You signed it.

- Yeah. You gotta be your number one fan, Pam.

- Absolutely.

So, do you remember this guy?

- Oh, yes.

- The concert?

- Oh yeah, baby. - Memories?

- Yeah, memory lane.

This thing was literally baptized by fire.

- It was.

- Hey...

Matthew's just being a punk, all right?

He's a lot like me.

It's nothing you haven't been through before.

- Yeah. We used to be really close.

- Yeah.

But you still have Simon.

- Yes, I still have Simon, and the voice are great,

but, I mean, can you see Matthew kinda pulling away?

- Yeah. I think he's being more like a teenager.

You know, growing pains.

But, hey...

Do you remember these?

- What?

- Ole, ole!

- Why are those in my house?

- Because we're gonna rock 'em.

Hey, let's go.

- What?

Okay, I...

need these in a wallet size.

I got like 10 of 'em.

- Show me what you got, Steve!

Woo!

Yeah, that's good.

You really know how to work it out.

- Did you ask Jennifer to the Christmas dance yet?

- No, not yet. What about you?

- Same, but...

not Jennifer.

Think it's ever gonna snow this year?

Like, not just a flurry here and there, but like a blizzard,

like the year we elved the Hagbarts.

- Dude, don't remind me.

- They're filthy rich now.

- Yeah, no doy.

- And Finn's got a really awesome car

and an indoor swimming pool.

- Yeah, I don't care.

I already told my family

that I'm not going elving this year.

My parents Kirked out.

- Of course they did. It's tradition.

Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

Is that my sister with the Hagbarts?

Yup. It's Jennifer.

- Hey, Matthew.

Matthew, how you been?

- Fine.

Want my breakfast-

You want it?

- How could they name a little puppy like you Farting?

Ooh, grindage!

- Eh! No food before dinner, and no Farting.

- Okay.

Smells good.

Is that grandma Ruth's soup?

- You better believe it.

- Yeah, that's rad.

- What's the occasion?

- Uh, well...

We've been asked to chaperone the Christmas dance.

And Mrs. Whitmore wants me to be her personal assistance.

- Wow, Pam.

- Now, when you say we have been asked, you mean that-

- Us.

- Yeah.

That's what I thought you meant.

- Oh, and, Steve, you're gonna love this.

I got you on the committee too. Yeah!

I had to pull some strings, but you're in!

- Me?

- Mm-hm.

- Barf me out, Pam. As if.

- Oh, you wanna tell me that one more time, Punk?

- Okay, okay! Fine, fine, fine, fine!

Geez, I think I'm bleeding, Ralph.

- Ugh, you're such a baby. Just get out of my kitchen.

- It's snowing.

- What?

You...

Coach needs the energy dinners in two hours.

- Punk.

Dinner's in two hours.

- Just a dip.

Love you.

Well, that's one way to enter a room.

Lucky shot, Larry Nerd.

- Looks like Juniper's friends with the Hagbart sisters now.

- Hey, Matthew.

- Hey.

Saw you out in the parking lot earlier.

- Yeah.

I was running late, so Finn gave me a ride.

Watch and learn, fellas.

- Now he thinks he's the star of our team.

Think fast, Buckley!

- Thanks.

- Feeb Hagbart!

Are you kidding me?

- Gather round, boys!

- Um, where's coach Jackson?

- He had a family emergency.

- When's he coming back?

- He's not gonna be back until after Christmas.

- Whoa, whoa, wait! We play the wild cats next week!

We all need our coach!

- Which is why Mr. Wilson has been so gracious

as to offer to coach our team.

until we can find a decent replacements.

- Sup, fellas?

- And I...

I am gonna be the assistant coach.

Make it rain.

Not even close.

- Not here, James,

- My dad coached our team to a championship

at my old school.

- Do you think he would really do it?

- Yeah. He's he's up for anything.

- Brilliant! That sounds like a great idea.

Yeah. So great.

- Why is that a great idea?

- Well, technically a member of the coaching staff

has to be a member of the faculty.

So you, my friend, have now become the assistant coach.

And your dad is the head coach, and I am outta here.

Parting is such sweet sorrow, boys.

- What are you looking at?

Let's run some lines, fellas!

'Cause I'm your assistant coach,

and I'm your head coach today.

Magnificent. - Whoa!

- Hello, Matthew.

These cookies are choice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- These look amazing!

- Oh, pries a block! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Rumor has it you're gonna take Feeb to the dance.

- Whoa! No! You can't take a Hagbart to the dance!

- Says who?

- Says me!

- Hey guys.

Cookies!

- Ho! Karate chop, Pam!

These are cookies for Mateo to take to sweet babe-a-saurus

to the Christmas festivities.

- Festivities?

- Yeah, no.

- Can you check her ear? Something's up.

- What's going on with it?

- Oh, man. In 10 minutes!

- That's cold, Pam. Cold.

- Cookies?

- Cookies.

He's always eating, dude.

- So, did you get your dress for the dance yet?

Yeah. I've had it for months.

Yeah, but I haven't been asked yet.

- What? That's crazy.

No one's invited us either.

But, man, Jennifer, that really stinks. I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- I thought you and Matthew were a thing.

You are, aren't you?

- You let M&N fall asleep?

- Oh, no, no, no!

- Honey, normally you want her to fall asleep.

- Not tonight! It's our first not of elving.

- Okay. Listen, when she's out, she's out.

Let's just start earlier next time.

- We Can we can't elf unless it's dark.

- Oh, you can if you're a ninja!

- Room for one more, Ralph?

- Yes.

- All right, let's do it. Let's go!

I can't trust you guys for one second.

- How are you gonna deliver your invite to Juniper?

- Hey, once she's out, she's out.

Hm. How, indeed?

You know, dogs are pretty responsible.

- Hey.

Popcorn, candy. Barbie?

She's all yours Farting.

Okay, I know this looks bad,

but as a teenager, you'll do anything for a girl.

All right, guys, stay low.

All right, John. Go for it.

- Hey.

- Can I do it, please? Please, please, can I do it?

- Do as I do.

- 10-4, amigo.

Three, two, one.

- Christmas stockings?

- Are they for us? - I think so!

Daddy, Daddy!

- This is the best part. Remember?

- Yeah. I remember.

Should we go?

One bite of my cookies,

and Juniper will have no choice but to say yes!

Well, I guess her dog would look good in the dress, too,

although I'm pretty sure I'll skip out

on the kiss at the end of the night.

- Hey!

Come join the party.

Come on.

- Steve, can you just take her upstairs?

- Sure.

- Thank you. - I'll put her down.

- You left your baby sister alone in the house.

- No, she was asleep.

- That is inexcusable, Matthew!

- Okay, I went across the street for like a minute,

and Farting was watching her.

- Farting? Farting was watching her?

The dog!

- I was gone for like five minutes.

- Obviously, a lot can happen in five minutes, Matthew.

Just go to bed.

Why would he think he could leave her?

Oh my gosh.

Where did we go wrong?

- He's a teenager.

You know, at least he's...

he hasn't run off to Vegas with a cocktail waitress.

- I mean, I guess we gave our parents a run for their money?

- Well...

heaven knows you did.

I long for those days.

- Don't choke.

- You're grounded. Christmas, maybe even New Year's.

- Whoa! Okay-

- No, all right, I'm kidding.

But your mom and I are wondering where the old Matthew is.

Have you seen him around anywhere?

- Okay, I was gone five minutes.

- Matthew, you were gone five minutes

and left your sister alone in the house.

I mean, you've seen Unsolved Mysteries.

You know anything can happen.

Have you thought about what you want to do

to celebrate the Christmas season this year?

You don't want to go elving with us,

you don't want to spend time with the family.

What do you want to do?

Could you think of maybe something a little less selfish?

- Okay, well, are you asking or telling?

- I'm suggesting.

- Okay.

- Suggesting straight A's.

Straight B's?

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, it's just...

Matthew reminds me of you

when you were in your "I hate everything" phase.

- I was that bad, huh?

- You were actually worse, if you can believe that.

- Yeah.

I was, and you still loved me, right?

- I just don't know where I've gone wrong as his mom.

- Pam, you have not gone as a mom.

You might be experiencing that seasonal depression thing

or, I don't know, may be having flashbacks of me.

- That could be true, because you almost killed me.

- Yeah, I did.

And you never gave up on me.

- Nope.

Maybe you could talk to him. He loves you so much.

- Yeah, maybe if the time is right.

- I just...

I just get really scared that I'm becoming our parents.

- You are nothing like our parents, Pam.

They barely even knew us.

Look, you are like the greatest mom in the world.

I mean, these kids, they absolutely adore you,

and I can see that clear as day.

- You think?

- Yes! You're like the ultimate package, you know?

You're my sis.

You're my best friend

And in a lot of ways, you were my perfect mother, you know?

- So you're saying I'm old?

- Maybe.

Your kids are amazing, Pam.

- They are.

- Jeez, Allen, give a guy some space!

- Sorry.

- Did Juniper get my invite yet?

- How should I know? I know she tells me zero.

- Okay, well, try and find out, okay?

- Okay.

Hey, I've been thinking about the Hagbarts lately.

I think you should give them a chance.

- To what?

- Well, Finn's really cool now.

And have you seen Fae?

What?

What is going on?

First Juniper, then Peter. Now Allen?

Things are really getting out of hand.

- Oh my gosh.

I'm such a klutz.

- It's all right.

- Um, are you going to the dance?

- I hope so, but I haven't been asked yet.

- Oh! - Watch out, Pete!

Coach Hagbart on your six.

- Everything good, Feeb?

Yep.

- Ready to go?

- See you around.

- Oh, Dad, we could use another player.

- Oh, honey, I've got so much work,

- Please, Daddy.

- Oh, okay. Deal me in.

- Yes! Let's go!

- Ante up.

- Guess what.

Feev has a crush on Peter Buckley.

- I do not!

- Really?

- He's such a geek.

- Well, maybe feed thinks he's a zeek.

- What's a zeek?

- It's a frog that turns into a prince?

- Did you just call Peter a frog?

Dad, that's so cool!

- I don't think so.

What'd I say?

- You don't even know him!

- Wat do go.

- Why didn't you stop me?

- Whoa, wait. What are you doing?

Stop.

Feeb Hagbart?

Wait!

You're trying to take Feeb Hagbart to the dance?

You know she's older than you, right?

Age is just a number.

- Okay, what about the Buckley code?

You know? John's broken angel.

Oh, how about Simon's broken glasses?

- Just grow up.

Grow up?

Says the guy who wrote the cheesiest poem ever!

Principal Doyle? Hey.

Here's that paperwork you needed.

I guess it's official.

Coach, just for the rest of this season.

All right.

- Uh, coach?

How do you do it? I mean, the whole single parent thing?

You just...

You seem to make it look so easy.

- Honest?

I really don't know.

I love 'em when they're good.

I ground 'em when they're not.

And I pray.

I pray a lot.

- Yeah.

Karen used to make Christmas so magical.

I could never match that.

- Yeah. It's not the easiest job in the world.

Especially when you're the only one in the trenches.

Thank you.

- Sure.

And you know, this may sound really corny,

but I found the best present is to be present.

Be there for 'em.

That's what they want for Christmas.

I'll see you out there.

- Go to the paint! Go, go, go, go, go!

There you go, there you go.

Let's go. Come on.

Come on!

Kick it out to John.

- Weak side. Weak side, Zack.

- John, two, two, two!

Set it!

Oh, man!

No! You know what you did!

- All right, we're done, we're done.

Everybody up.

Let's go, hustle.

Look, we've got our first big game coming up,

and guys, we gotta start jelling as a team.

Think like a team. Play like a team.

The same team!

- Yeah, guys. Same team.

- Yeah, Dad.

- It's coach.

And I don't know what's going on between you two.

- Nothing.

- Nothing.

- Huh.

Okay.

So why don't I make Finn co-team captain

so that you two can learn to work together?

- But Matthew's the captain.

- No, I'm really digging this idea.

- Okay, good, so we agree. We have two captains.

Hit the showers.

Let's go, fellas. Focus.

- You're a stone cold fox.

Hey!

I just helped Grandpa George in the soup kitchen.

- And how'd it go with him?

- Uh...

It was awkward, but, you know, we got through it.

- Was he surprised to see you?

- Uh, yeah, to say the least.

Yeah.

But, hey, I could tell

that they could really use some help, you know?

What do you think about me dropping you off tonight?

- Tonight?

Yeah.

- No, no, no.

I was gonna go see if Juniper wanted to catch a movie.

- Dude, come on.

- Or not.

- Love can wait, my man.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Trust me.

You feel that?

- Yes, I feel that.

- Yeah, C's get degrees. Go get 'em, tiger.

Don't tell your dad, though. I didn't say that.

Pam! I need help with my hair!

- Eddie, do you ever wonder about the meaning of life?

Eddie?

Eddie.

Eddie!

No!

- You ready for this?

- Yeah, I guess so.

So, you coming in with me?

- I'll probably pass.

Seeing him twice in one week

might be a little overkill for the both of us.

- Yeah.

How long has it been since you've seen him?

- Before yesterday, Probably 10, maybe 12 years, I guess.

- Well, what's he like?

- Stern.

Military stern,

Angry.

Sad.

I think that war really messing him up, you know?

- Then should I not do this?

- No, you do this.

I mean, you never know how much longer you have with him.

I mean, I could come in and give you some moral support,

like Batman and Robin style.

- Nah. Nah, I got this.

- I know you do.

- Thanks for always being so cool.

- Ditto, my man.

Mom once told me Grandpa George

was one of the bravest man at Normandy on D-Day,

a true hero.

- Food's almost ready in line. Get in line.

- Actually, I was gonna see if I could help you, Grandpa.

- Matthew?

- Uncle Steve said you guys could use some help.

- Steve said that?

Yeah, it's kinda tough around here sometimes.

So, how's basketball practice?

- What, you know I play?

- I read about it in the papers.

I've even come to a game or two.

Shh.

- Really?

Well, how come you never come by to say hi?

- I don't think your mom wants to see me.

- Why not?

- I think I was a better soldier than I was a father.

So, how did you end up here?

- Well, I didn't want to go elving this year,

so if it wasn't elving,

I had to do something nice for others,

and Steve said, I should come here.

- You sound like a good kid.

I can see you got a lot of your mom in you.

- Yeah, I guess.

Loud noises always petrified my grandpa.

I felt bad for him.

Well, Steve said that I could help you.

So, what should I do?

- Yeah, well, come on. Let me show you.

All right, let's go, everybody! Kitchen's open!

Yeah, I'm talking to you, kid. Feeb!

- Matthew?

- You know Feeb?

- Yeah, kinda.

- She's one of our best workers.

Do you mind if I hand my grandson off to you?

- Sure.

- All right.

- So, what are you doing here?

- Penance.

- I get that.

This is gonna be fun penance. I promise.

Okay. Aprons are in the back.

Grab one and come stand by me.

- Okay, boys. Ready, set, go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

- Do you think it's elves?

- I don't know. What do you think?

I think it's elves. And I think it's magic.

- God bless you, son.

No one had ever said those words to me before.

It felt good.

As I watched Grandpa with the little girl,

I realized that that's about the age I was

the last time I saw him.

- Colonel.

- Steven.

- So, how did it go?

Could have been worse.

- He's a good, disciplined worker.

Come back and help me again sometime?

- Yeah, I'll think about it.

- Good. You do that.

- Thanks for the help, Matthew.

- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Uncle Steve, this is Feeb Hagbart.

Feeb, this is Uncle Steve.

- Nice to meet you. - Hi.

Nice to meet you.

So, you need a ride home?

- Yeah, my brother was supposed to pick me up,

but he's helping our neighbor hang up Christmas lights.

- Oh my heart!

Okay.

So, this is a Hagbart.

Hey, let's go. I'll give you a ride home.

Everybody seemed to be getting along

with the Hagbarts except me.

What was I missing?

I couldn't be the problem, right?

You know, Uncle Steve said that the war

really mess Grandpa up, so I looked into that.

He was suffering from PTSD.

And with the history I've had with Finn,

maybe I was suffering from my own.

Look, I really wanted to like this guy.

I mean, could I trust Finn Hagbart?

Oh, incoming!

Okay! Now I know you all saw that, right?

He just doesn't give me much to work with.

- Hey! Hey, guys!

What?

- Get down here, quickly!

- Somebody left a package on our porch!

Are you serious?

- Look at this.

- What? You've been elved?

- Right?

That is cool!

Yeah. So cool.

- But we invented elving.

- Oh, we didn't invent giving, did we?

- No, but-

Then we need to appreciate

when someone wants to do something nice for us

like give us presents!

- Ooh, exciting!

- Oh my gosh! What is in here?

- Okay.

- Hold on, hold on! Don't break it!

What if it's breakable?

- I love these as as a gift!

Soap on a rope!

- Soap?

- I bet it was the Hagbarts who elved us.

- Why would they elf us?

- To steal our thunder.

- Oh!

- What's going on with the Hagbarts?

- They're the family that moved back here,

and the boys used to get in little scuffles with them

when they were young.

- Oh, I'm sorry. That's right.

Scuffles?

Mom was so naive.

- Okay, guys, we need to turn in. It's late.

Pick up this mess, and Matthew,

your clothes are on the floor.

Hon, pick those up.

All right, I'll take those.

- Get the shower first!

Move it, move it!

- Your brother, he's biting the heads off.

and putting 'em back again!

Hm.

What might this be?

Ah, one of Pete's poems.

Wow!

Not bad, Pete.

You know, no matter what was happening with me,

I had no right to stand in Peter's way.

No reason both of us should be miserable

on the night of the dance.

I had an idea.

I knew what I had to do.

How many sprinkles do you want?

What a masterpiece.

Too bad Pete is gonna be taking credit for it.

Packaged delivered, mission accomplished.

- Back so soon?

He knew?

How do they always know?

Another one.

- I cleaned the kitchen.

- Thank you.

- Didn't do it for you. Did it for your mom.

I bet you're wondering why I'm not freaking out.

- Uh, yeah. Definitely crossed my mind.

- Did I ever tell you about the time

I asked your mom to our first dance?

- Mm-mm. I must've missed that one.

- Mm-hm. Yeah, well, she...

she was quite a looker back then.

Still is!

Very cute woman!

- I'm pretty sure she's asleep.

- Yeah. That's what they want you to think.

But you never-

You can't be too careful.

They sneak up on you. Yeah.

I, on the other hand, had been hit

pretty hard by the teenage ugly stick.

Zits, smelly pits, the works.

I mean, puberty had not been a friend to me.

And your mom was way, way, way out of my league.

She was on another level,

another whole planet, solar system.

And somehow I got it in my head

that I should serenade her outside of her window.

- And what happened? How'd that go?

- Oh, it was perfect.

She opened up the window, and I started.

I mean, I was full blast.

Full blast. It was ridiculous.

- So what'd she say?

- Nothing.

- Why?

- It wasn't her window.

It was her parents'.

Your grandpa threw a bucket of water on me.

I think it was water.

I don't know what he was doing with a bucket of water

near his bed, but...

it all worked out.

- Yeah.

- I hope she says yes.

- Yeah, me too.

- Okay.

You know, you should probably hit the sack.

No more sneaking out?

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Oh, girls! I think you have a delivery.

- Looks like one of us has been asked to the dance!

Let's go.

- Here we go again.

I know everybody's excited, so let's see what we have.

- It looks like a toddler made it.

- It's cute.

- Who's it for?

- We don't know yet. I hope it's for me.

- Can I have a slice?

- After we find out who it's for and who it's from.

- As long as it's not for my little Francie, I'm okay.

- Ew, Dad! No way!

- All right, I'm going for it.

- Go for it.

I think that's more than just a cake.

It looks like Feeb is the lucky one.

- Of course it is. Let's go Francie.

- I can't believe it's for me.

- Who's it from?

- Peter Buckley.

He wrote me a poem. Isn't that the sweetest thing?

- Well, I don't know. Can I read it?

- It's kinda private, Dad.

What?

It's okay.

I'm just watching my little girl grow up!

- Dad! I'll always be your little girl.

- You better.

- Promise.

- Don't eat too much of the cake.

- Eddie?

Honestly, I didn't even know

the Guinea pig was missing.

- Somebody has got to stop Farting, Pam,

- What did he do now?

- What did he not do?

He just ripped a big hole in my favorite sweatpants!

- Steven!

Tell me how did Farting do that?

- It happened so fast. Farting's so stealth.

- Stealth?

- Silent, deadly?

- Dude, you've got a hole in your pants.

I don't know if you knew that.

- What happened to her? Is that frosting?

- It could be.

I think she's been sleepwalking again, probably.

- Hey, do either of you guys want to go sculpting with me?

- You sculpt?

- Yeah, my bod, bro. You know this

- No, Steve, I don't want to sculpt your bod.

- You want to go with me with me, Mateo?

- Mm-mm.

Actually, I've gotta go to school,

work on that B grade average.

- That's a wall.

- Yeah, no duh.

- Is that funny? Is that funny to you?

Huh.

Yeah, it's going to be funny

when you're living in my basement at 30.

- So, I think I figured out who I'm gonna take to the dance.

I was in my room the other day,

and I found a picture of us helping the Hagbarts,

and I thought, "Hm, what about one of them?"

But I can't figure out...

I can't figure it out.

What is going on with Juniper?

I mean, she still hasn't acknowledged

my invite to the dance.

At least tell me no or something.

Anything.

Man, love is a battlefield.

- Hey, dweeb, stop gawking at my sister.

Earth to Matthew.

- Hey, sorry, you're asking someone to do the dance?

- Yeah. Well, everyone else is asking everyone else.

So, why not me?

- Who is she?

- I'm not gonna jinx it by telling, duh.

- All right, here we go.

Like it, kid. Like it.

Let's hustle up.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Let's go, Cecil! Here we go.

Everything okay?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we're getting better.

- Come on. - Hard, hard, hard!

- You know, I know you and Finn had a history

when you were little kids,

but I'm hoping you can put all that behind you

for the sake of the team.

You know, I had a coach once tell me that

you get out what you're willing to put in,

and leaders are never afraid to make the first move.

That kinda stuck with me.

Maybe give it some thought.

Okay?

- Sure.

You know those moments

when you get the right advice at the wrong time?

- I've looked everywhere!

- He's probably nocturning somewhere.

- I can't go elving until I find Eddie!

Fine, I'll drive. John, we're leaving!

- Can I come too?

Traitor!

- Is that okay with you?

- Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't it be?

Wait up!

- What do you think, girl?

Should I go to the dance with Peter Buckley?

I'll take that as a yes.

- Are you actually thinking about going to the dance

with a Buckley?

- I'm not thinking anymore. I'm going.

- You know this was written by ward Byron centuries ago.

It's a classic.

- I know that, but he personalized it just for me.

What guy does that?

- Okay. I'll admit, that's a pretty cool invitation.

Want to see mine?

- You got one too?

- Mm-hm.

I mean, it's not as romantic as yours,

but if you unroll it all the way,

you can see the name of my date at the bottom.

- Ingenious!

I love it!

- Yeah.

- Who's it from?

- It's a surprise.

- I'm so excited to go to the dance with you!

- I know, me too! We gotta find dresses.

- How are you gonna do your hair?

- I have no idea.

- You should do it up.

- I haven't even thought about it.

- I think it would look really cute up.

- Allen! Come on! - Allen!

- All right, just for fun, by show of hands,

who had a good time at their Christmas dance in high school?

- Could you define a good time please?

- You had fun.

- Of course I did, Pam

- Behave.

Mr. Chamberlin has agreed...

- Do you remember Betsy Jones?

- Nope.

- She was a fox!

- Steve!

- Therefore we can keep an eye on everybody.

It should be an amazing night, you guys,

Our goal is to make sure these kids

have the same memories we have.

- But in a more chaperoned way, I assume?

- Exactly.

- Yeah, I actually just vote

that we have the dance over by 10:00 p.m,

we get the kids to bed, we just call it a night.

- Is he, for real?

- He thinks he is.

- You know, every party I went to

didn't start until 10:00 p.m.

Am I right, my lady?

- We're not seriously gonna take directions

from a guy that has a mullet, are we?

- I think that 11:00 makes more sense.

- I think it makes perfect sense too.

I second that emotion. Do you feel that?

11:00 it is then.

- Amen.

- I failed to mention that my brother here,

our very own Coach Steve, will be deejaying the dance.

- I am a coach.

What? I will?

- Hazel can be your assistant.

- I like that idea a lot.

I knew you would.

- Yup. I spin my own music.

I have band. It's awesome.

- What's that?

- I looks like we got elved again.

Dim-witted Hagbarts.

- I guess this is Matthew's answer.

- All right, see you guys.

- See ya.

- Steve, these remind me of our childhood.

- Really? Tubular.

- Where's Simon?

- He's looking for Eddie.

- Oh. Poor kid.

- I know.

- I can't believe we've been elved again!

- I know! It's so sweet.

Eh, I still don't want to elf,

but I'll take the candy.

What's this?

- Oh my gosh! Matthew!

I think this is Juniper's answer to your invite!

Open it, open it!

- Right here?

- Open it! Yes, yes!

- Yeah. Let's go, man.

- Oh my gosh! Here.

I think I can solve this. Oh, this is gonna be fun.

- You know, Matthew, you don't have to do this

here in front of us.

You can solve it. We'll leave.

- Oh, that's true.

Mom needed this. I could tell.

- No, I think I need mom's help.

She's always been the best at Scrabble.

- Yeah.

- She was actually the captain of the JV Scrabble team.

- You made that up.

- I did.

- Okay. Oh, I think I...

- B here.

E, F.

- Oh, I think I got it. - Here we go.

- Yeah, I got it.

Beef says yes.

Simple.

- It's not Beef.

Feeb says yes.

- That's real cool, Pete.

- Peter?

Peter, did you ask a girl to the dance?

Your first dance!

And I'm gonna be able to chaperone it.

- Mom! No!

- I won't do anything awkward or interfere.

- Tone it down, Pam.

- Honey, that's our job.

- I know. I just love this little baby!

Are you sure it didn't say beef?

- Clue me in.

- Hm?

- Look, I know it was you

who asked Feeb to the dance for me?

I need to know how you did it

in case it comes up in conversation.

I put one of your sappy poems in a cake.

- Which poem?

- I don't know. I forget.

- Think, you noob!

- Gosh!

Something about sleeping beauty.

- Ah, she walks in beauty. I knew she'd like that one.

- Alrighty. Get out.

- Thanks!

- No.

Money doesn't grow on trees.

- Did you eat Eddie?

- What?

- You ate Rosie, remember?

- Rosie was a chicken.

You eat one family pet,

and then all of a sudden you're a villain

for the rest of your life?

That is not fair, young man. That is not.

Have you ever thought about how much meat

is actually on a Guinea pig?

Very little.

- No!

- Look, Simon, this is what you do.

Put a bowl of food and water in every room in the house,

check the bowls every night,

and then, if one of them is empty,

then you know that Eddie's still alive and kicking.

He may be missing, but he's still alive and kicking.

- And if the bowls are full?

- Then he isn't.

- Can you talk to this twerp?

He says he won't wear a tux to the dance.

- Suits me.

- But...

It's his first dance, like ever.

- Thanks, Mom. Rub it in.

- Look, maybe he'll start a trend

and save his parents a heck of a lot of money.

- Yeah.

- Honey, I'm just thinking you look so good in pink.

I'm thinking like a hot pink cummerbund.

- I'm thinking you're gonna be late for school.

You better hit it.

Yeah.

Hot pink?

- Did you eat Eddie?

- There's really not much meat on a hamster!

Wouldn't be worth my time.

Guinea pig, Dad!

- Guess who.

- Matthew?

- Not quite.

- Not Matthew. Okay.

- So, Fae told me you're not going to the Christmas dance.

- Well, I haven't been asked yet.

- Really?

Okay, well, I could take you.

Well, I guess that's my answer.

- I mean like just as friends, right?

- Yeah. But just as friends, right?

- Deal.

- Deal.

- Put her there.

- Keep up with him, buddy.

Dude, take a chill pill, man!

- Ball!

Get off me!

- Oh, that's a travel.

- Box it out.

Okay, you like putting your hands on me?

How 'bout this?

- We're not doing that! We're not doing that!

Matthew!

- The heck, Buckley?

- Hey!

Everybody, hit the showers. Now!

Principal's office.

Now.

Back in elementary school,

Finn and I were in the principal's office on a weekly basis.

But this was different.

This time, it was Finn's dad

that was gonna lower the boom on usboth.

Finn and I were improbable allies,

sitting, waiting for the ax to fall.

- Okay.

The both of you, let's go. Come on!

In a hurry to fight but not in a hurry to get punishment.

Now, Listen up.

As much as I hated to bring principal Doyle

back into school after a full day's work,

I needed him here to help decide both of your fates.

- Coach Hagbart has explained the entire situation to me,

and I'd be lying to say

that I'm not extremely disappointed in you boys.

But it is with that in mind that the three of us

are in total agreement about your punishment.

- After much thought, I, we've decided...

to bench you both for the next two games.

- Not, but we're undefeated!

- And now you're accountable!

- No, you can't!

- Enough!

- I'm with these guys 100%.

- You can't do this.

This team needs Matthew to win.

Bench me, don't bench him.

- We're done here.

- Matthew, I'll give you a ride home.

Just give me a second to chat with these guys.

- No. I've got to go talk to someone.

Whoa. Looking good.

- It's all right.

Just all right?

- I'm good with all right.

Park yourself.

So, what's the story?

- Hm?

- Tell me why you're here.

- Well, just...

Please don't tell Dad.

- I don't have to.

'Cause you will.

Ooh! Just got dunked on by grandpa.

- Okay, well...

I got into a fight with a kid on my team.

Coach benched us for two games.

- Wise coach.

When are you gonna tell your folks?

- I don't know,

- Picasso said only put off until tomorrow

what you're willing to die having left undone.

That's good.

I have replayed that conversation in my mind

over a thousand times.

- Ugh!

Finally. You got your stuff?

- Yes, sir.

Hey, Dad, can I talk to you?

- Yeah, I'm listening.

- I'm sorry.

- You know, it's it's times like these I...

really wish your mom were here.

She always had that perfect thing to say

in a situation like this.

Finn, I know you don't believe this,

but your mother loved you kids.

- They why'd she leave?

- Bud, you know that's complicated.

You mother wasn't well.

Sometimes when people aren't well,

they just get mad at the world and they...

they leave.

They run.

- Why did you stay?

- Because my kids are the best reasons in my life.

Are you kidding?

I love you, Finn.

- I love you, dad.

- And I'm not going anywhere.

But we are going home.

And you're still benched.

And he steals the ball!

A little one-on-one with the old man.

- Eddie?

- Mom, he'll be home soon. It's okay.

- He's been gone for hours.

- He's probably just with Juniper.

- I'm so glad you haven't discovered girls yet.

Where have you been?

I've been worried sick!

- Out with friends.

- Well, you could call. Nope!

This is for the Doyles.

Sounds fun.

- Really?

'Cause, honey. we'd love to have you come with us

if you want.

Pass.

- No.

- Feeb's gonna love it.

What'd coach say?

Let me guess, you and Finn have to clean the bathrooms

for a month.

- Peter! - Come get in the car!

- No, he benched us for two games.

- He can't do that! We can't win without you!

- Yeah, well, that's exactly what Finn said.

- Finn Hagbart?

- Mm-hm.

Yeah, the one and only

- Are you sure you don't want to come?

Peter!

- Yeah.

- You're missing out.

Maybe Peter was right.

I was missing out on a lot.

But I didn't know how to make it any better.

And I didn't know how to tell my parents about the fight.

- I think they're onto us.

- No doy!

Simon, show Uncle Steve how it's done.

- Simon Buckley, the man, the legend.

- Uh-- What's happening?

- Have you seen Eddie?

- Eddie...

- Oh, my Guinea pig. I lost him.

Have you...

Have you seen him?

- Little furry thing running around?

- Yes.

- Black?

- No, he's Brown, so...

- No, I've seen about five or six black ones.

- No, any-

Well, thanks.

Thanks anyway!

- Look, look, look what I got!

- Hey!

- And...

I guess I just lost my head.

- Seeing the disappointment in my parents' eyes

was more than I could bear.

I was pushing away the ones I loved the most

and I felt completely lost without them.

I was just tired of holding onto this pain.

I needed peace.

It was time for a change.

- I'm really sorry.

- So what's the rest of the story?

- You know what Finn said when his dad benched us?

He said, "We can't win a game without Matthew."

- Finn said that?

- I've just hated Finn for so long,

I just don't want to hate him anymore, you know?

It just hurts too much, Dad.

I haven't been myself.

And the way that I've treated you...

The next morning,

I woke up with a different perspective.

I felt I needed guidance.

So I turned to the one mullet I knew could show me the way.

Uncle Steve?

- What's up, my man?

Nice guitar.

- Yes. This puppy is a '65 fender Jag.

- So why the change?

Change?

Yeah.

Like, you used to be super violent,

like fights, juvie, jail.

- Did your mom send you?

- No. Mm-mm.

- Right.

- So, your mom and I didn't exactly have

like a parental figure around.

Dad was military, so he was gone a ton.

We moved a lot, which was hard on me.

Mom worked double shifts to make ends meet.

So you're sweet mom practically raised me, bless her soul.

I had a lot of anger issues, so I got in lots of fights.

I stole.

Just pretty much anything

that would give me a rush, you know?

I didn't have any friends.

I honestly didn't deserve any.

And I was a punk to everybody.

- Everyone?

- Yeah. - Including mom?

- Including your mom.

- So one December, doorbell rings.

I opened the door up, and some unknown

leaves me some chocolate chip cookies.

And then the next night it was Butterfingers.

And then every other day it was something else.

- Oh, okay. So you were getting elved.

- I was getting elved.

So I started going to school.

I'm looking around, I'm thinking,

"Who on Earth would do this to me of all people?"

So naturally I kinda just started to be nice to people,

'cause I don't know who's doing this, right?

I got a smile, which I started to smile.

I made friends, started playing sports, you know?

That's cool.

- Yeah, man. It was cool.

And so, Christmas night, doorbell rings...

and this time it's the Jag.

- No way.

That's crazy. - Yup, right on the doorstep.

And I played this thing, man. I played it every day.

And a few months later I got into...

some serious trouble.

And your mom came in to help me.

And...

I said some awful things to her.

So she leaves crying.

And when she left, I went into her room,

so I could steal some cash.

And when I was in there, I ended up finding this.

- You found this in mom's room?

Wait, this is...

This is the receipt for the Jag.

- It was your mom.

Even when I treated her...

so poorly...

she kept on giving...

kept on loving me.

She believed in me when no one else would.

Matthew...

you just never know what somebody's going through

or what they've been through.

We all just gotta be kind to each other, no matter what.

We never know what's...

Life's just too short.

Your mom taught me that.

And now you know why she's so crazy about elving.

That was the beginning of my change.

- The beginning?

- Yes.

- You're definitely still a work in progress.

- Yes, I am a work in progress, and so are you.

- Ooh!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're a good cookie, man. I love you.

- Love you too.

- Check out this lick, dude. It's like...

It's so creamy, that is.

Oh, that's a bad one.

That day I couldn't stop thinking

about what Uncle Steve had told me.

I had been worrying about things that didn't really matter.

So I wasn't going to the dance.

I still had a lot to be grateful for.

- Oh...

my...

goodness.

Look at you, look at you!

Okay, you got gas in the car.

- I'm only going three blocks.

- You never know.

I never thought this day would come.

- Mom...

I look rad!

- Yeah, and you're my son.

- Yeah.

- Oh!

You're my favorite.

- I know.

- I got it!

Wow.

Wait, I got it.

Peter.

- I bought you this corsage.

- It's so pretty!

Thanks.

- It's not as pretty as you are.

Should we go?

- No, no. Wait just a second dad.

- Dad!

- It's okay. Let him have his moment.

- Are you crying, Dad?

- No.

No.

Not at all.

This is good.

Okay.

We're good. We're good.

Go, be gone, have fun.

I love you.

You kids get outta here. Go, be gone, have fun.

Bye, Dad.

- Go on.

I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm not good.

Not good.

- Ah, Finn. Come into our humble abode.

- Thank you.

Even the dog stood me up.

- Hey, Finn?

Can you come out here for a second?

- Sure.

- Stay right there.

I just found this.

This is Matthew's invitation to Juniper. She never got it.

- He needs to see this right now.

Now go.

- Matthew!

Nice suit.

- Thanks.

Look.

That's just behind a Christmas decoration on our porch.

My dog must have eaten all the cookies.

- So?

- So Juniper never got your invite.

- So what you're saying is your dog

is the cause of all of my problems?

- Basically, yeah.

So come on, let's go!

- No. She's already going with Finn.

- Finn sent me over here to tell you!

- Tell me what?

- To get ready for the dance.

You're already making me late to pick up my date!

So hurry up!

- Who's gonna watch M&N?

I'll get Monica to do it.

- For all you lovers out there, it's time to slow it down,

if you know what I mean.

- Hey! Thank yo for coming!

- Don't ruin my night.

- Can I borrow your keys?

- No!

- I want mommy.

- Say buh-bye.

- I want him.

- He's going to a dance.

- Wait! - What are you doing here?

- Where M&N?

- The dog ate Juniper's invite, so she didn't get it.

- Okay, but where's your sister?

- Monica's taking care of her.

- Let's look at you.

- Let's calm down.

All right, she's right over there. Do you see here?

- Okay, looking good.

There she is.

- You want to dance?

Look, I've been a real jerk,

and I want you to know I'm sorry, okay?

- It's okay.

- So Finn came over to pick up Juniper,

and I saw some cookies in the bushes,

and I realized that Juniper never got Matthew's invite,

and I am so sorry I am late.

- Allen, it's fine. You're totally good.

- How dare you pick up my daughter late for the dance?

- I'm sorry, sir. I had to help a friend to-

- Dad, will you-- Up, bup, bup, bup.

Young lady.

He brought this on himself.

Let's just see what we have here.

Huh.

Hm.

You know, I had a suit like that when I was your age.

- Monica got it at the Goodwill.

- Dad, don't, please. - Fae...

May I please?

That's exactly where I got mine.

I like your style.

Sweetheart...

your date is good.

You guys look adorable.

Have fun.

Make sure you get her home on time.

- Yes, sir.

- Bye, Dad.

- Have fun.

- He's a great DJ.

- Yeah.

- Wanna dance?

- Yeah, sure.

- Wow.

You're a knockout.

11 out of 10.

- Thanks. You too.

- I know

- Merry Christmas!

To me.

- Thanks so much for taking me to the dance.

- I'm glad you said yes.

- Excuse me, excuse me.

Stop that!

Thank you.

Can I get your name?

- Oh, yeah.

- They say all good things must come to an end.

You know, I try to learn something every day,

and I'm still learning,

but there is one thing I do already know.

I have the best students in the state!

- We love you Doyle!

- Thanks, kid!

And there's just one more thing.

There's someone in this room

who's been dropping off Christmas treats to my home.

I just want to say thank you so much.

It's meant everything to my girls and I.

No detention for anyone for a whole week!

That night, for the first time ever,

Finn and I saw eye to eye.

And the walls came tumbling down.

- There, awesome.

After the two game suspension,

we went on to win the state championship.

And we couldn't have done it without Finn.

- Here, you take him.

I found your rodent.

It was an M&N's doll house.

I'll grab my things.

- That party was bodacious! Am I right?

- Hey, guys, it's getting late,

and we still have to go elving.

- Oh, can I come with?

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Oh!

Who'll watch M&N?

- I actually have that under control.

Look.

I'll stay here, okay?

And you kids have fun, okay?

It's gonna be great.

- But really, who's going to watch M&N?

- Ralph. - I will.

- She will.

Under control.

- Thank you.

- All right, have fun.

Mateo.

Let me show you my weight room.

Here we go.

- You can add this to the elving.

Simon! - Yeah?

- We're leaving! - Okay!

- Get in the car! - I'm coming!

I'll be right back. Stay right here.

Together at last, the Buckleys.

What was I trying to get away from?

This is my family.

This is home.

- Can I do this one?

- Yeah.

I don't know if missing out on elving

was the right thing or not, but I did learn something.

And after all was said and done,

I gained a far greater appreciation

for our special, crazy, wacky, silly,

beautiful Christmas tradition.

It's true.

Family is one of the most important things in life.

And in the days leading up to Christmas,

I figured out the perfect gift for mine.

- Hey, yo made it!

- Yeah.

- Dad?

- I just came by to drop this off.

I figured somebody's got elf you all

at least one Christmas, right?

- You kept this the whole time?

- Yeah, I did.

All right, well, I'll let you get back to it.

- Dad...

Stay,

- You sure?

- Come on.

Dad, come on.

- Guys, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

That's a big gift.

- Yeah, maybe you can help put it together later.

Guys, this is your grandpa George.

- Hey, guys.

- You've met John.

Peter, Simon.

- It's been a while. Look at this.

- Right?

- You got a basketball team.

Looking back on that Christmas season,

that was when I finally started to get it.

We're all just trying to find our way.

Growing up takes time.

Especially for uncle Steve.

And me.

Dad.

Mom.

Even Grandpa.

All of us are perfectly imperfect.

If, well, when, we fall down,

we can always reach out to those

who can put us back on our feet,

- Hey, Matthew.

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Now, I know it might sound a bit cliche,

but I swear that kiss happened just like that.

Or at least it's how I like to remember it.

- I bought Christmas hats for everybody.

And we need to do some Buckley Christmas carols.

Ralph, hit it!

- All right, now.