Original subtitles

There's a thief!

Get the thief!

There's a thief!

Thief!

Stop!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!

Sammo Hung!

- They're kissing! - Harder!

- You're not Sammo Hung! - He's not Sammo Hung?!

Thief!

- Get him! - Catch the thief!

He's gone upstairs!

Stop!

How's that for timing?

PROSTITUTION IS STILL LOVE AFTER ALL

- DIFFICULT PATH ALWAYS LEADS TO INTIMACY - We refuse to be the parasites of society.

We refuse to benefit from the hard work of others.

We're only providing a bit of comfort to those who are down and out.

Great!

I ask you, what can be so despicable about manual labour?

I ask you, is it a sin to work for the welfare of one's family?

No!

I want to appeal to all Hong Kong citizens:

- all careers in entertainment are equal! - That's right!

Legalizing prostitution is the public's constitution.

Curly's really great!

Really great.

We need to stand up as real men.

Come and go as we please, bravely advance forth!

Great!

Brother Jack.

You want to bribe me?

I live my life by the principle of not having tea with both sides.

- But... - Say no more!

Today we hold a demonstration. Tomorrow we lodge a complaint to UMELCO.

The day after we protest at Government House.

The situation is like this! You can imagine the consequences!

Really wasting my time talking to you.

Even $3000 is not enough to bribe him. Junkie Ming!

We protest!

We protest...!

Three in a row! Three in a row, alright?

More than three, and they'll accuse us of unlawful assembly.

Get in line now!

- Move! -Three in a row...!

Line up now...!

That's right. Line up just like that.

We're against the unjustified dismissal of our fellow workers.

- We want a resolution! - What?

What's that?

What is it, man? What you doing? Why are you squeezing me? What do you want?

Yes! Sure! Sure! I know what to do.

Brother Jack said we don't need to show respect for these employers.

Brother Jack says we can trash this factory!

- Hey...! - OK, OK... I know.

Brother Jack told me to beat him up right now!

I'm going to beat you up now...!

Stop the fight, stop it!

Hey, stop the fight!

Sir, it's not my fault.

Well, it's not my fault either. Sit tight!

Hey mate, please clean that yellow car also.

Thanks, I'll be back soon.

Where's my key?

Damn it!

You're out of luck.

You've got some nerve!

Freeze! You don't get the firing squad for stealing a wheel.

I can be a very cooperative citizen. Sir.

Do it yourself, then.

Done.

This is evidence for court.

Move it.

Hey mate, do you have something more expensive?

Yes... Just a moment, please.

Excuse me, miss. Do you have an original strap for this watch?

- Yes. - Can | see it?

- Please feel free to look around. - Sure.

Sir? I'm sure you'll be more than happy with this watch.

This one...? Pretty good...

Hey, Ol' Chan!

I haven't seen you for ages!

Fancy seeing you here!

We're old buddies so why haven't you even called?

Things must be going well for you. You haven't even looked me up!

I’ve already told you, that thing wasn’t my fault--

I can't believe you just shot me!

You...!

- What's going on? - Don't look! Let's go.

It's not my fault!

Can you please show me the diamond watch?

Of course.

I'm sure you'll be happy with this one.

This one's quite nice as well.

- This is definitely your style. - Not bad.

Hey! Old Chan! Haven't seen you in ages!

Fancy seeing you here.

How are you?

Hey! I told you not to open fire!

I’ve already told you, that thing wasn’t my fault--

Don't move! This is a robbery! Don't move!

I told you not to move! I'll shoot you dead, y'know?!

Don't move! Get down!

Get a move on! Let's scram!

Mister, are you OK? Mister?

I'm fine. I'll put on some gentian violet when I get home.

Oh, no! You're bleeding quite a bit.

It’s nothing, really. I’m quite used to bleeding.

Officers, the robbers ran off in that direction.

Come with me.

You shouldn't be walking.

- Hey, what happened here? - He’s been shot.

Hey, call an ambulance.

- I don't need an ambulance. - Don't worry, it's OK. Come with us.

- I'm really quite alright. - Let's go.

Hey? Covered in blood from head to toe... What'd they get you for?

Robbery. Is that OK?

Of course not! If it was, you wouldn't have been arrested!

Move it!

What are you just standing there for?

Sir, the road's so narrow I have to be courteous.

Let's go.

Sir is in a good mood today. Otherwise you'd have bled to death already.

- Sir-- - 'Sir' what?

Confess quickly! How'd you get that counterfeit American note?

I withdrew it from my bank, sir.

What's that? You withdrew counterfeit US dollars from the bank?!

Sir, the money is not counterfeit.

- What, it's real, then? - Yes.

Now I'm not in such a good mood anymore.

It's fake! I found it.

Smart boy. You just saved your own life.

If you just spoke up earlier, you wouldn't have had such a tough time.

You wanna fool even me?!

- It's like you want to suffer-- - 7086.

Sir, he just confessed.

Every single note is authentic.

I already checked with the bank. He really did exchange 200,000 USD.

- And you beat him up like that-- - Sir, I'll handle this!

Sir, he agrees that today's events never happened.

Hold it.

7086, you’re off the counterfeit case. I’ve already sent an undercover cop.

- Sir, is there another case for me, then? - Yes.

Arrest the litterbugs in the park.

Why am I having such bad luck?

I was too impulsive.

I'm the oldest. I should be the 'elder' of the pack, right?

- I'm second in line. - I'm third, then.

- I'm fourth. - Then I'll be the fifth.

From now on, we're together through thick and thin.

- Right! - Who'll volunteer to clean the toilets?

Him!

The air's just different on the other side of the wall.

What's wrong with you? Asthma?

Just getting used to the outside air!

I don't think you'll ever get used to it. Why don't you get back in there?

Now, I'm just telling you like it is: don't follow us!

- Let's go... - Let's wait for Teapot.

- No. Let's not. - Come on, let's--

You're right, we should go now.

Hey... common! You're gonna treat me like this?

Let him come along.

Just look at you...

Put this on.

Boss.

I've told you not to speak to me in English.

Dad.

Are you still carrying on with the chauffeur?

No. We were waiting for your release to get married.

Future Father-in-law.

Pf-ft... Why so jealous?

We've just gotta be better than him the next time we're released!

Take this!

Hey!

You have to hail a bus with your legs these days?

Here! Let me try.

A flat?!

Buddy, it was meant to be.

- Fancy picking up five passengers here. - Hey...!

When bad stuff comes, you can't even get out of the way.

What can you do?

I'll pick up some pomelo leaves at the market and boil it with water.

Give the whole car a good scrub.

Sing, Tien Gow later today?

Count me out! My luck's even worse today than if I saw some nuns!

No way!

Don't believe me? Come take a look. I guarantee you can't miss it.

All of them have 'Con' etched onto their forehead.

What're you honking at? Rushing off to do time or something?!

So Curly, what'd they get you for?

Nothing serious. I was riding in a minibus.

The driver was bitching on and on.

I grabbed him out of the bus and just stabbed him a couple of times.

That got me three years.

It was a bigger stitch-up for me! The guy just looked at me--

I punched his eye out! I did two years for that.

Speaking of, throwing acid's a better deal.

That time I poured a bucketful over the driver's head.

Only had to do a year and a half!

Oh... Then you got a better deal than me.

I also used acid, but I was in there for ten years.

Ten years?!

Where did you pour it on him?!

I didn't pour it on him. I just forced him to drink it!

Doesn't matter how long you get. If you're up yourself, you gotta die!

Don't let them off easy.

How many years do you think you'd get for setting a minibus on fire?

Driver pal? Got a light?

Alight? I don't...!

Enough about that. Gets me all riled up.

Hey, Curly? Do any minibuses stop at your place?

There didn't used to be any. Don't know about now, though.

- How do you get there, then? - Take a left up ahead.

And then a right,

and then straight over that puddle.

Then stop right here!

How much, brother?

On the four seas, all are brothers, right?

- It's alright... - Thank you very much.

Couldn't tell that you're this well-off.

It's not mine. It's my uncle's place.

My uncle and his family have all gone to Canada to wash dishes.

I'm just house-sitting.

But my uncle is 79 now, and childless, so it'll all be mine soon.

Make yourself at home. There's beer in the fridge.

Sis! Sis!

Hey, what do you think Curly's sister's like?

Just look at him, and you know.

Hey.

Thanks.

Not necessarily. You never know.

Hey, Curly, come over here.

What do you want?

Let me ask you something. And you have to tell it like it is.

Go ahead.

Are you related to your sister biologically?

Yes.

- What's wrong? - Nothing, nothing.

Hey, so there's no hope, then?

- Hey, what are you up to? - What's up?

Nothing. Just going to the loo.

- What's going on? - What's wrong?

Nothing. My sister just freaked me out.

Hey, they've been together for so long and she still freaks him out?

We'd better be mentally prepared.

That's enough.

We’ll just have to be polite when we meet her.

- Everyone's here? - They're all here.

Dinnertime. Take a seat!

Actually, God is really fair.

Beautiful girls usually can't cook, and girls who can cook are probably not--

- Greet the uncles. - Uncles.

She's talking to you. Say something!

The name's Lin.

But you can just call me Vaseline.

Hey, take a seat.

Hey...! Don't go dreaming too big!

Hey, let me ask you another question. What was your father's profession?

He was a sailor.

- Oh...! - No wonder, then.

- There's a burglar! - What?!

- What happened? - There's a burglar.

He's not a burglar, he's Teapot.

It's nothing. Let's go.

- My name is Teapot. - I'm sorry.

Don't apologise. It's a natural reflex to take him for a burglar.

Right. Did you hurt your leg from kicking him?

Yeah...

Are you OK?

I'm fine, even though I drew the short straw.

It's alright, it's just a misunderstanding. Let's eat.

Let's get some rice.

What's wrong with you lot?

You don't line up for dinner at home!

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Hey, go ahead, help yourselves.

Thank you.

Thank you.

She can get it herself.

Thank you.

Here.

- Are the goods ready? - It's all done.

Boss, can you tell which one is real?

- The one in the middle. - Boss, that's wrong.

- The top one, then. - Boss, that's wrong.

All three are fake.

Come here.

Don't you make a fool of me again.

But you did well on this job.

Now, I'm just telling you like it is: don't follow us!

C'", now...! You guys told me to wear this thing!

What's with all the whining? My old man's uniform is embarrassing?!

I didn't say that. You're the ones who think it's ugly.

It's kind of ugly, but it suits you, though.

You mustn't be ashamed! Life's all about inner beauty proclaimed!

Yeah... Jack doesn't actually mean anything by that.

He's just saying you don't look good on the outside. That's about it.

Stop bickering. Let's go.

- Hands off. - He's no fun...

Can't even put my arms around her shoulders!

Of course! Curly Jack thinks you two are pervs!

You offend people as soon as you open your mouth.

What do you mean 'thinks'? They definitely are!

- They definitely are?! - Hey...!

Hey... We've no chance with her brother always hanging around.

- Just come up with a plan to lose him. - What’s the plan?

Come up with your own!

Tonight, we, m-martial brothers-- No-- are selling...

Selling medicine!

Why don't I see Porky Wing and his martial sister, then?

O-Our...

Medicine!

C-Can...

Can cure all that ails you!

[-If...

If nothing ails you, it will strengthen your body!

- Me? - Of course you.

Smart guys plan, dumb guys act. Off you go.

...strengthens your body.

These martial artists usually sell fake medicine.

Y-Your--

Your entire body, every inch of it, will be strengthened!

It i-is--

It is small in size!

But t-that--

Makes it easy to take! Morning, noon and night.

Three a day!

That's why in 20... 20... years,

I've ne--

Never been sick at all.

And my mind... mind...

Now, then, So. It is time for the main event.

If you will allow me.

What's all the fuss? You can see this in trashy old Cantonese movies!

Come on, put some muscle into it!

You look like an old-timer taking a piss!

- You're great stuff. - You dare to hit Master Chiu?

- Don't run! - I was only kidding with you!

- How dare you hit me! - Please, don't! I was only kidding!

- Brother! - Hey... Sis? Steady on.

Your brother's seen it all. He can get away from anything!

This is nothing.

That's right. He'll be OK. Sis, let's go that way.

Hey, Exhaust Pipe? Are you trying to steal my girl?

Isn't it obvious?

- I'm telling you-- - Don't.

We’ll each try out our best moves.

What's the meaning of this? You think you're a pimp?

Hey? When sandpiper and oyster fight, the fisherman reaps the reward.

Look.

Come and get a good buy! Walkie-talkies for $65 only.

Don't miss this great bargain.

Hey, Sis. Can you hear me? Over.

She hears you!

You're so close... She could hear you through a pair of milk cans!

Move further away. Give it to me.

This kind of thing isn't for you. It's not for me either!

When it comes to machines, only Exhaust Pipe knows what he's doing.

- Here. - You're absolutely right there.

Here. It says 'Made in Japan' but it's really made in Hong Kong.

But it has pretty good reception, though.

I estimate its operating range at 51.4 metres.

How do you know for sure?

He's just making it up!

Making it up? Ask the owner if you don't believe me.

My friend here sure knows a thing or two.

See! Wasn't I right?

Sis, listen to me. I'll check-in when I’m 51.4 metres away.

What am I doing with these idiots?

- Calling Exhaust Pipe! Over, over. - Hello, Sis. Over.

Are you 51.4 metres away yet?

Not yet, I'm getting there.

Can you hear me loud and clear, Sis? Over.

It's too faint. Over.

What about now?

Sis wants you to sing her a song.

-What? A song? - Yes! |

OK.

C'mon, c'mon, this is real local flavour. Try some!

Girl loves boy's devotion

Boy loves girl's demeanor

The dearest wish within both yearning hearts

Eventual union for the forlorn lovers

But, what of the ocean which divides... their worlds?

- Till when will they finally meet? - Dad, someone has taken our spot.

The short break may make the heart grow fonder

Dear daughter, it's hard making a living these days.

Let him do his act and we'll do ours.

...and melancholic is...

VOICE OF PEDDLER'S STREET

Sis, can you hear me...?

Sis? Sis, my arse! I'm packing up now. Bring the walkie-talkie back!

Or I'll call the police.

Teapot.

Go get a bag of peanuts and share it with him.

Oh, I'd like some too.

Go on. Don't you have any change?

It's not that... It's just I don't have any notes either.

I can't even make you look good.

Here.

Let's go.

It takes more than ten bucks to look good.

- Then how much do you want? - $150.

Wow, that's a bit steep.

Steep? Come up with a plan to lose me, then.

OK. To avoid further complications. Here.

Don't you worry, I'll pay you back.

Three years behind bars and even pigs look like princesses.

See you later. Bye.

- Where's Ranks? - He--

He must have sent him off.

I think, most likely, he just left because he wanted to.

Yes. He's got some business to attend to.

That looks nice.

They only sell women's stuff here so why are you hanging around?

- Nothing. - Well...

Now that any worthy rivals have gone, you know what to do.

I know what to do. I'm going. But I'll say bye to Sis first.

There's no need for that. Begone now!

No way. Sis was just asking why everyone's gone just like that.

Let me say goodbye to her and it'll reflect better on you.

You're pretty considerate of me.

Well... Consideration has to be mutual.

So how will you be considerate of me, then?

OK.

Here. Take 30 bucks to see a movie,

have some wonton noodles, and anything leftover for your hip pocket.

- Just make your goodbye short. - Sure.

Hey, what's considered short?

I really don't understand how you could have survived this far.

OK, then... When I signal, just leave.

- OK. - Don't forget.

Sis...

- Vaseline told us to leave on our own. - Why?

No idea, he said he's got some important matters to attend to.

Why don't you go ask him yourself?

No need to. Let's go.

Teapot!

So you kept tricking each other because of this reason.

Yes, and instead it gave me a chance to be with you, alone.

Actually, why don't you just ask me out on a date?

I wouldn't dare to. I know where I stand in comparison to the others.

You see, aside from being healthy, smart, kind-hearted,

hard-working, respectful, and honest, I have hardly any other qualities.

Not to mention how most girls usually only care about looks.

That's very true.

See, that's why. How on earth could I dream of asking a girl out?

Even if I met someone as generous as you,

I'm shy and mostly tongue-tied.

Every time a girl looks my way, my heart pounds, my legs weaken,

and my hands go numb.

And then I'm at a loss for words, like now.

So you've never asked a girl out on a date before?

I've never had a date. I've had a prostitute though.

No! I was only joking.

So where should we go now?

- Why don't we go-- - Go to hell!

Causing such a ruckus!

If there were any fish, you've scared them all away!

So you've had this nickname of Teapot since you were young?

No, back then, they called me the Little Teapot.

How do you look like a teapot anyway?

Which part? My entire body is like one! There's even a little song to go with it.

How does it go? Sing it to me.

- I'm a bit embarrassed. - What are you worried about?

There's nobody here.

Right... You promise not to laugh?

OK. Go ahead.

I'm a teapot, stout and short

I'm a teapot, stout and short

This is the handle, this is the spout. This is the handle, this is spout

The water is boiling, time to prepare the tea

Teapot. You're really something.

Teapot, where did you take my sister?

- Brother-- - We just went for a cup of tea.

Then you haven't had a late-night snack yet.

I’ve already treated them all to a century egg.

I’ve saved two for you.

You bastard! I'll catch you and smash your--

I've been pretty lucky all my life; got friends always looking out for me

They're all real friendly, true mates who'll help me out

Together we work and laugh

The world's not easy, have to tough it out every minute

Always working till you wanna scream

Out of breath, relax a bit, and take a break

Make some laughs with your friends

Have a real good laugh (Happiness is most important!)

Having a laugh's the best (Laugh when they tell you to laugh!)

Laugh away your frustrations (Makes your boredom go away!)

It’ll make your heart sparkle (Your heart will be aflutter!?)

Like having Five Lucky Stars shining over you (Really shining!)

You'll be unbelievably happy! (Laugh and laugh!)

It really works a treat: (Like you're having a fever!)

A big laugh!

- Where do you want to go next? - Up to you.

- A movie, perhaps? - Sounds good. But no scary movies.

- Then what? - Comedies are fine.

Little boy, it's your turn now.

Maxim is good, Maxim is great, Maxim's cakes are amazing.

And one more question, what's the best thing at Maxim's?

Any tips?

OK, I'll give you three choices.

Lard cake, steamed cake, and sponge cake.

Lard cake.

- Wrong. I'll give you another try. - Sponge cake.

Wrong again, one more try.

Lard cake with steamed cake.

I'm giving it to you anyway.

Could I have three ham and egg sandwiches, two hamburgers,

three colas, and one coffee to take away, please.

Also two pork chop rice, and two orange juices to have here.

- Thanks. - OK.

- Why don't you get us a table? - OK.

...and two fries as well.

Fatty. I need to borrow your girlfriend for a while.

A robbery is about to happen.

Stay calm.

You'll be safe with me.

Fatty, sit down here and keep eating your pork chop rice.

When I say duck, you duck.

- This is for you. - I want the prize money, not the prizes.

Little boy, you--

I was little 30 years ago. Now I'm a robber.

Hand over the cash before my gun loses its patience.

Don't scream.

Just stay calm, seal those lips and put the cash in the bag.

OK.

It'll be over soon. Now try to compose yourself.

When we've gone, you can scream all you want.

Hold it right there! Duck!

Let them go, or I'll waste him.

- Fatty, you've some good moves. - Oh, it's nothing.

- Are you OK, Teapot? - Oh, I'm fine.

I don't see why you would let those other four take advantage of you,

considering you can easily beat them all.

I used to beat up the other kids when I was young,

and I ended up with no friends. That's why I treasure my friendships now.

As long as they're my friends, even if they bully me once in a while,

I cut them some slack.

Robbery!

Show's over already and you're screaming now?

Freeze, or I'll put a bullet in his head that'll shoot through all of yours!

You fake kid, committing a robbery with a fake gun!

- Do you need some help? - Of course.

Not that, call 999.

OK. Let's go.

Don't move!

Brazil are on the attack. Zico passes to Serginho through the middle...

- Shoot! - He lost control; the shot went wide.

A goal kick. Zoff puts the ball down and kicks it up field.

They're on the attack again.

Italy is composing its attack via Conti... from the left...

Good pass... Rossi... Graziani... back to Scirea

One, two,

- ...three! - Brazil have the ball back... Oscar...

Next time I'll throw when I count to two.

Cerezo... and the ball is out of play... a throw in...

Brazil has been on the offensive throughout the last few minutes...

Once again, Cerezo is orchestrating the attack... Falcdo...

What are you lot laughing at?

Now, don't spoil it.

What are you staring at?!

Get back! Go watch your game.

Crazy!

What's the point of being invisible if your clothes give you away, huh?

As if it won't work this time!

Brazil is still dominating over Italy... Even Leandro is attacking...

Now Oscar has the ball... Luizinho... passes to Cerezo...

Cerezo tries to dribble through the middle, but he's blocked...

- Just shoot! - That's right, shoot!

...puts the ball down... Eder's getting ready... Eder passes to Cerezo... Cerezo!

Bend the ball!

This player is unbelievably bad!

- He didn't even move! - Should've used the outside of his boot!

You think everyone's Zico? Bend the ball...!

Why are you standing there? Come on, go after the ball!

- That's no way to win a match. - They're bound to lose.

This number 9's like a wet towel! Always twisting about!

Get over there! Shoot now!

He missed such a good chance.

Don't you agree? Just stood there waiting. How can one play like that?

That's why I love English football. They're always on the offensive.

Hey, what's with this commercial?

Longines. Don't you know anything?!

This bald guy looks a bit like Sean Connery.

This team can't play. No chemistry at all!

- Another chance... Zico... to Socrates... - They're losing.

Socrates pushes on... a chance to shoot! Oh, what a pity...

Number 7 is consistently in the wrong spot!

There! Number 8 is so much better. He strikes well.

This is a really bad way to play football.

Antognoni... to Conti... now he spots Rossi... a cross forward...

What the hell are you doing?

I didn't do anything.

Even I can play better.

Please let it be a soft hit.

Why did you hit me?

Are you nuts? Ask them! Did I even touch you at all?

Hey... Go fight somewhere else. Don't ruin the game for me.

Do it once more and I'll be sure to retaliate.

You know what, I'm sitting over there, just to be sure.

This one's really going to suck!

You want to blame me again? Luckily I'm this far from you!

You bastards! You've been conspiring to trap me.

Defense! Come on...!

...he was too far behind... lost the chance...

It's better if she takes it off herself.

How can I do this to Curly?

That is so big!

But something's missing.

When I don't see you, I think about you.

But now that I can see you, I love you even more!

I'll try not to laugh if he goes out in the street now!

He just might.

Shush? He's upstairs--

Sis!

Come down!

Pass it to the right winger!

Cross the ball! Over there!

Brazil's attacking... Leandro...

He is so--

Shoot now!

Go get the door.

I'll get it.

Hey, you've got mail.

Can you just take this, mate?

Can you see me?

It's not like I want to. But my own eyes are against me.

I can see even the smallest thing in utmost detail.

No way, pal. I'm invisible!

Invisible?! I'd rather you were!

Just take this, pal.

Let me go home and wash my eyes. Getting sore eyes is no fun!

What are you guys laughing at?

Exhaust Pipe thought he was invisible... He thought we couldn't see him.

So what?

He came in when I was having a bath, and I also acted as if I couldn't see him.

Hey, how's my figure?

Remember, your contact is white.

Both of you will be wearing a red rose on your lapels.

Just give him the briefcase

and bring the money back safely. Then your mission is accomplished.

- You're clear on that? - Clear.

Repeat it back to me.

Red Caucasian... no...

Rose...

- Rose Caucasian. - Dad, what did you ask him to do?

Dad has always told you that when men talk business,

women know their place. Go back upstairs.

No. I don't know what you've set Chai up to do.

Is it going to be hard on him?

Don't you worry.

In this world, what could possibly be harder than being a kept man?

Just go back upstairs.

Biu, Pui, you two keep an eye on him.

- Chai, let them take the risks. - Yes.

You be careful.

This is your first job. Don't disappoint me.

Of course...

Hey, your trousers!

I'm having a run of bad luck these days.

Little boy, don't litter, or I'll arrest you.

- What's wrong? - He threw away my ice cream.

You hadn't started eating it?

Don't cry now. Be good.

- Here it is. - All grown up, and you got no brain!

I’m so sorry.

Be good, don't cry. Mummy's going to get you another one.

-So? - I'm not sure if I'll be free.

Let's play it by ear.

- Just let it go. - What kind of man would take that?

- Were you whistling just now? - Yes.

- Why are you so despicable? - What did you say?!

Your appearance is not bad, but you act like a slimeball.

I'm getting angry here.

- Angry? Your look is pathetic. - Forget it, let's just go.

Hold it, I'm with the CID!

You should've said something sooner. We're on the same team!

- Did I hurt you? - You think it's that easy to hurt me?

You're lucky I didn't hurt you.

- Are you OK? - Hey, your girlfriend still seems shaken.

Yes, she's just worried that I'll hurt somebody again.

Let's go.

- You're done fighting? - No fighting! We were just practicing.

Hey, and don't go teasing girls again!

So you were teasing girls as well?

You really think I have such bad taste?

I was whistling to you just then. Don't you trust me?

Enough talk. The competition is starting soon. C'mon.

OK.

The Roller Skates Obstacle Challenge is to commence now.

It's your turn to make a fool of yourself. Get going, then.

How about a smooch first?

I won't subject you to that!

Our first contestant, number 8.

Be careful!

Not your turn.

Our second contestant, number 37.

- Hey, we might land a good deal here. - Let's get him.

Why are you stealing my stuff?

Robbery! Robbery!

There's a robbery!

Get him...!

Robbery! There's a robbery!

Catch him...!

Robbery...!

Robbery!

Hey, we can't be heard doing this!

I'm CID. I'll take responsibility for any damages.

We have to run.

Hey, it's in the van! Hey...!

Hurry up...!

Damn kid! Are you nuts?

I'm a cop! Help me go after the car in front!

OK...!

I'm a cop! Go after that car!

Go faster and overtake him! Overtake!

Step on it...! He's catching up.

Why is your car so slow? You can't even overtake a truck!

I'm a cop--

Stop, or I'll put a bullet in your head that'll shoot through his!

- I'm gonna fire! - Stop the car...!

Close call.

- Your driving sucks! - Why are people driving so recklessly?

Uh-oh.

- Chai, are you OK? - Fine.

Father-in-law sir, I chased him all over the place.

Boss, the goods were taken by the Five Star Cleaning Company.

OK. Get the boys and hunt that cleaning company down.

- Yes. - You!

You're only good in the bedroom and bad everywhere else.

Get back upstairs!

Yes.

Get me Butler Chan.

You're to stay in your room at all times!

Dad, don't be so angry.

Butler Chan, send out the invitations as per this list.

Understood.

Hey, get the gear and come in.

Sure.

Now that the instructions are clear to everyone,

I don't think I have to repeat myself?

Who's in charge here?

That would be me. My name is--

There are a few additional things. Please pay attention.

First of all, please bring only what you need.

Get all the unneeded things out of here. Leave them outside the entrance!

Second, these stairs lead to the second floor.

Nonsense!

The weather is really... ha-ha-ha-- He said I was talking nonsense.

You must never go up to the second floor!

Third, the toilet is over there.

You can clean it, but you can't use it.

- A cigarette? - Thank you.

Thanks.

Fourth, if you want to have a cigarette, you must not light it.

Our master hates cigarette ash.

- Do you shed a lot of hair? - Not that much lately.

Then put a cap on or something.

It's not very hygienic to have loose hairs everywhere.

Fifth, according to the contract,

you will only be paid when the job is performed to my satisfaction.

Of course.

Good. Then you can get started.

Alright...

now that we're done with his rubbish, let's clean this rubbish up.

Faster, faster.

Chase him...!

Chase him!

PC 7086 salutes you!

Sir...

7086, sit!

You were really brave this morning!

Do you have any idea how many cars were damaged?

I didn't have time to count, sir.

It totals to more than 50 vehicles!

- Why are you thanking me? - No!

And do you know what happened to the two guys you arrested?

- They broke out from jail? - I'd rather they did!

They're out on bail for $500 each. You have no witnesses, no evidence.

What am I supposed to charge them with?

Charge them with illegal racing with a cop?

Every case you're on incurs big expenses.

I'm still trying to figure out where to post you next.

You should be stationed somewhere with more trees than people!

Sir, I was merely performing my duty.

'Getting your hands dirty'... Get your dirty hands off that!

Where are my two baby turtles?

Stop!

Sir, good thing I noticed.

If you kill my Rosey, I'll have you stand guard at the reservoir.

Luckily it was only a pencil sharpener.

Sir, how many pencil sharpeners do you have?

Only one!

Sir, send me away to guard the reservoir.

Guard the reservoir...? You're back in uniform!

Have a taste of suffering under the rain and the sunshine.

Hey, you're running a red light!

Really?

-You just ran a red light. - Sir, please give me a chance.

I will. Let me see your license.

Hey, I know him.

Let me.

- Sir. - It's you again, fatty.

Yeah. It's lucky we saw you.

It really pays to have friends in the right places.

Not really. I don't let my friendships infringe on my job duties.

Tell your friend to drive more carefully from now on.

Don't 'sir' me. It's part of the job, I can't help it.

Let him ticket us. That's just about all the cops are good for anyway.

Why don't you see them being good at catching crooks?!

I was too good at catching crooks. Why do you think I'm like this now?!

How frustrating.

Just relax, I'll think of something. 'Frustrating'...

- Hey, tidy up. - Didn't you say you'd think of something?

Yes, but thinking needs brains. You have any?

- Yes. -Yes? Then I ask you...

Idiots with idle limbs don't know about the five grains. Do you?

Rice... millet... oats...

oats... barley... wheat...

- Seed grains! - You only know how to eat them!

- It's just slipped my mind is all... - That means you don't know, then!

With no knowledge of the five grains, do you have idle limbs as well?

Oh, I don't!

You don't? If not, then pack this up already!

OK.

- Just what are the five grains? - If I knew, would I have to ask him?

There's no way I don't know...!

Corn, oats...

I'm really losing all respect for myself.

In the past, I had people cleaning the toilet seat before I got on it.

Now |I've been reduced to being a cleaner. | have to be abused too.

It's not really abuse. The old fart's just a bit up himself!

This is what it's like when the rich throw parties at home!

Well, to be honest, if I was invited...

- Would you have gone? - Of course!

You wish! Only rich people get to go!

Do you have to show your passbook to get in, then?

Right! Just a glance and we could pass for rich guys too!

It's just a glance for you.

But no matter which way you look at me, I come off as someone successful.

If that's the case, we should all go have some fun.

- No way...! - What are you afraid of?

Didn't you say you know a lot of distinguished persons?

We can land some clients while we're there too.

- That's right! - This is actually quite true!

I'll probably run into old friends.

-I remember! - Teapot!

Coming!

I remember!

The five grains are rice, foxtail millet, pro so millet, wheat, and corn!

Now you know.

Hey, let's go.

- Where? - To hire some clothes for you.

- For what? - For showing off.

Open the door.

Hey, where are our props?

Is this going to work or not?

Not work? I even know how to make an atomic bomb!

Give me a light.

- You go first. - Let's go.

This way, please.

How are you...?

Those cigars are something else. Who are they?

I don't know.

More guests are coming.

Stop smoking, all of you! Put them out!

'Wow' what? It's like you haven't seen something this ordinary before.

I know a lot of people here.

That's right... But we're not so sure they know you at all.

Isn't that Chan Chiu?

How are you? Thanks for coming, Mr Wong.

Isn't he acting like he's the host?

- This is his home! - How come I didn't know this before?

There are lots of things you don't know. Let's go.

Sis, let me introduce you to some friends of mine.

- You're trying to pull this stunt again? - We're on a truce for now.

Now let me teach you.

We're out in the market,

and you're worried about your vegetables at home?

Right?

-I don't get it. - What it means is,

why bring your own packed lunch when you're in the restaurant?

I understand now. Vaseline!

Hey...! If you just tail Vaseline, you won't get anywhere.

Walk around with a guy who makes you look good.

That's so true.

- Teapot! - Hey, I'm not into picking up girls.

I know, I'm not asking you to.

Your task is to make a fool of yourself.

This should be an easy job for you. Just act your usual self!

- Let's go! - Gold prices have now gone up.

Master, Boss Ho has arrived.

- Show him to the study. - Yes.

This way, please.

- Brother Chiu, my congratulations. - Thank you.

It's a good party tonight.

Thanks to our guests.

Where are you going, sir?

- I'm... looking for the washroom. - Come with us.

It's this way.

Right.

Toilet... Go straight and then take a left.

Thank you.

Mr Lam, thank you.

If you need anything, just phone my secretary, Susan.

- Thank you. - Yes, of course.

Brother, when did I become Susan?

It sounds more classy. I can't introduce you as Sis, can I?

A businessman has to impress, wheel and deal, just to get ahead.

The market is so tough these days.

Miss...

did anyone ever tell you what beautiful eyes you have?

- Really? - There's more...

you got an unrivaled elegance as well.

I can't sleep with you. I'm married. Try that line on someone else.

You're very smooth, though. You might get a chance.

I'll have to excuse myself now. Sorry.

Miss Chan.

That's her.

- Do you know her? - Not yet, but I will soon.

Look, she's got such femininity!

Hey, how do you define femininity of a woman?

At the sheer sight of her,

you want to leap over and take her in your arms.

Enough talking. Go do what you're good at!

- Which move? - Cop a feel?

Hey, here we go.

It's this floor, it's so slippery.

Miss.

Brother Chiu, is there a problem with your goods?

Everything is fine. Just have your payment ready.

Money is not an issue. But when can I expect to see delivery?

In three days.

Here's my business card.

Thank you.

Five Stars Cleaning Company?!

- How are you, Mr Chan? - How are you?

No problem, then.

Brother Ho, it's confirmed. Now, please excuse me.

Then I'll take my leave.

- Bring him up here. - Yes.

- Wait for me outside. - Yes.

- You've got a good business there... - It's OK.

Mr Jack So. Brother Chiu would like to discuss some business with you.

Brother Chiu?

Hold this glass for me.

- Excuse me, business beckons. - OK. Go ahead...

This way, please.

Teapot, come dance with me.

OK.

Mister, would you like to dance?

No, thanks.

Boss, this is Mr Jack So.

Brother Chiu, we've actually met before. How are you?

Really? I heard that you're pretty infamous.

Not quite. I had two lads under me that were even more infamous.

One was Scarf ace Wing. The other Cat Shit Keung.

They used to cut people up with machetes!

So, what line of business does Five Stars engage in?

It's awesome. Our Five Stars Cleaning Company is massive,

with a staff count of over 100, plus five directors.

We've been tending to your premises here as well.

If you need anything, just reach for that dial.

Five Stars' future has never looked better.

Then... where's my briefcase?

- What? - Give it back now...

or you'll be sorry.

I'm sorry? I'm not sorry. I don't know what you're on about!

- So you're not going to tell? - I've just said I don't know.

Well?

'Well'?! You're the one who kicked me for no real reason.

I should be the one asking the question!

You're still not telling?

You won't tell... maybe your partners will.

Bring him downstairs. Round up his partners!

What's going on?

That bastard Chan Chiu! He tricked me into some business get-together,

and asked for a briefcase I don't know about.

At which point he pointed a gun at me, beating me till I couldn't scream.

It's nothing. No need for concern. It's a misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding?! You were going to round up my partners!

But don't worry, I didn't rat you out.

Now, my partners are all here, you want to get me, or kill me?!

Such a big deal for nothing! We're leaving!

Please ask them to stay.

What? Don't block my way!

Go to hell, you!

Hey! Get your hands off me...!

Damn you!

Sorry, my apologies.

- Dad, what's happening? - Get back inside!

Get inside!

Piss off!

Master always said 'Fight them head-on, don't stop till you drop.” Bring it!

That's all you've got? I can take quite a bit, come on!

I'm still better.

Keep that leg down, or I'll stamp it in two.

I already know that.

Pressure-point fighting?

Damn you!

Hey, what's really going on here?

I don't even know how it escalated into such a mess.

Looks like it'll be hard to get out of this.

Lighter!

Teapot, hold them back!

If you kill them, who's going to cough up my goods?

We’ll wait for you outside!

Hey, you lot are abandoning me?

- After them! - Chase your mum!

Put out the fire first!

- Put out that fire now! - Yes!

Start the car.

I feel better already.

You shouldn't be.

Don't move!

Hey, stop the car! Wait for me!

Don't make any stupid moves. Stop the car!

What the hell?! You're leaving without me?!

Luckily, I got away. Imagine if I didn't! That's why I say camaraderie is a lie!

Sorry, I got in the wrong car.

Well, how could I be wrong?

Marvelous. Youth is truly formidable.

Fancy pulling such a move on Chan Chiu.

I'm a man of my word.

If you hand my briefcase back,

I'll give you 20 million to buy some sweets.

What briefcase?

Stop pretending. It’ll just annoy me.

We really don't have it. I don't know what you're talking about.

Big Brother, let us do the asking.

A few slashes should do the trick.

OK, go ahead. I don't want to be stressed by this one.

Hold it, wait.

Hey, let's not be greedy under the circumstances.

Why don't we do business with Big Brother, instead of Chan Chiu?

- He seems more to the point. - Good there's one who thinks straight.

Settled, then. Let's do the transaction at 9 am tomorrow, park at the peak.

- Alright. Let's go now. - Watch it, Big Brother!

You think I'm a little three-year-old boy? Leave this young lady here as our hostage.

No! Brother, I don't want to stay here.

So you're siblings...

Even better!

Sorry, Big Brother.

Sis, don't you worry, we'll come back for you soon.

If I don't hear from you by daybreak, I'll stop playing nice.

Kill the hostage!

- You-- - Hold it. Sure, no problem.

- Let's go. - Remember that!

Yes.

Come on, let's go.

Big Brother, should we tail them?

No need. I don't want Chan Chiu to pick up on this.

We don't have that briefcase. Why did you say we do?

Yeah. Where are we going to find it?

- What do we do now, then? - Yeah.

Yes, so what?! If I hadn't said that, you think we'd have escaped?!

- What I mean is-- - I know what you wanna say.

You want to take any briefcase and fake it.

These cheap tricks won't work.

No, not really. As long as they can be fooled.

You're nuts!

Do you happen to know the size, what it looks like,

and the contents of that briefcase?

- No. - Then how do we fake it?

- That's why you're always right. - Here.

- What briefcase is this? - I think it's the one they're after.

So why didn't you tell us before?

I wanted to, but you guys kept cutting me off.

- Why did you cut him off? - Stop it. Let's open it and look.

- Wow, what? - Nothing, just a premature 'wow.'

It's all US dollars! See!

- US dollars. We'll be fine. We're rich. - So much...!

- Smells good too! - It's all 100 dollar bills.

We're rich...!

Look! And stacks of it too!

Smells nicer than the best perfume.

- That's right...! - Nicer than perfume.

Hey, can't you see it's all counterfeit?

Joke about something else!

Here. This is a printing plate for counterfeit bills.

Even better! We can print it ourselves!

- You know how? - No.

This is all worthless to us.

You lot are greedy beyond belief. We need this to get Sis back.

Let's put it back.

How uncaring! You lot would take this cash over my sister.

- Let's go, then. - Hang on.

Don't rush, let's get changed first.

- Hey, can you see them yet? - Not yet.

- Let's run, then! - Run?! They'll spot us if we make a move.

Right, we have to split up and distract them.

The three of you lure Chan's lads to the warehouse, and try to stall them.

Curly, you take these two printing plates and lure Ho here.

That's sending me to my death!

Don't worry. Nobody gets rid of the monks after going vegetarian.

- I'll fetch the cavalry. - What cavalry? Do we have cavalry?

No. But don't you worry.

Our fate looks really bleak.

Don't worry. Chan Chiu won't kill us before he gets his printing plates.

Even if he gets one, he still wouldn't kill us.

They're coming.

Here. You take these.

Why aren't you looking for them?

- Could you go any slower?! - Yes.

- Got it? Take care. - OK.

- Hey, this isn't a trick, right? - I have no idea, but it doesn't matter.

I'm used to being tricked.

Over there!

I can see them! Don't run!

- Get over there. - Yes.

Hey, let's go.

Hey...!

I didn't see anything. I don't know anything.

- You killed him? - No, I was shooting at the lock.

- Watch before you fire. - Yes.

Let's go.

- Teapot, do you know how to drive? - Yes.

- Go, then. - What for?

- Break out of here. - On my own?

They say: 'One man can hold the pass against ten thousand enemies.'

I can't do it.

Come on, I need to save strength.

Hey, go fight somewhere else, don't involve me. Go...!

You only know how to pull a gun. What else can you do?

- Punch and kick. - Put the gun away, then!

You've both been posing cool all night. Go get them!

Where've you been? You're covered in sweat.

I was looking everywhere for you guys.

One of them is here!

Hey! Behind us--

This is nerve-wracking.

Same for me!

- It'll be OK. - If it's OK, why would I be here?

You're a nuisance to the living alive, a nuisance to the dead when you're dead!

Don't come for me! You find a way out!

Damn you!

We found these three.

Give me the briefcase.

Now you go finish them off.

Hold it!

- Lucky me! - Where are the other plates?

- We traded them in for life insurance. - What?

- Our big brother has it. - Big brother? Who is your big brother?

- He's-- - Vaseline, don't tell him!

Tell me! If you don't, I'll kill you all.

You wouldn't hesitate to kill if you were able!

- Our big brother is on his way here. - Teapot!

Exhaust Pipe, we have to look out for ourselves.

If Big Brother has any integrity, he'll come and get us.

If he doesn't, serves him right to come into this mess anyway.

But if he knows what a mess we're in, he might chicken out.

True, it's so typical of these big brothers.

Good, I'll wait here for him.

Big Brother, don't come, no matter what!

Big Brother, he's trouble. Why don't we kill him off?

No. Such loyalty is quite rare these days.

They're coming...! Here!

Ho Man?!

Hey, you're not setting me up, are you?

Why would I dare set you up, Big Brother?

- I'm not your big brother. - OK.

Teapot, Exhaust Pipe, Vaseline! We're here!

Big Brother.

Don't mention the word 'brother'! Whoever answers to that will die!

What?

They were right, it was you who was trying to pull a fast one on me.

Brother Chiu... you're mistaken.

Big Brother, I'll assume the danger for you.

Your printing plates.

He's got the other one. You two sort this out.

- Brother Chiu, I can explain. - No point!

Brothers! Set the formation!

Go!

Ho Man! Let us rumble today!

A fight between two tigers. One of them must die.

The remaining one will eat us up.

Big Brother, the cops are here.

- Let's go. - Go.

- Let's get going as well. - Yes.

Get down!

What a scene!

- Ranks?! - Quiet!

Stand to the side.

Gather all the evidence.

Is he for real?

Sir, the evidence is here.

You're caught red-handed.

I think you'll be at Her Majesty's Hotel for the remainder of your lives.

Take them away.

Get up...! Let's get them back. Go!

- Sir, can I ask you a question? - Ask.

- Are you for real? - Of course I'm for real.

I'm with the Royal Hong Kong Police Special Force unit.

I specialize in going undercover, in order to combat triad crime.

Oh, yes. Thank you for your cooperation in this operation.

But I still need you to come with me and give your statements.

I’ve always had very distinguished friends.

You're certainly one of them.

No wonder you were so rude, it turns out you're a cop!

You’re great!

I knew right from the start you were the real deal.

To know a hero, is to respect a hero!

My master said snitches are the worst.

Luckily, I never listened to my master!

Ranks, you look great in uniform. I really like it.

I'm applying for the police force tomorrow.

Come on.

Sit still. What's up with you?

I don't know why. As soon as I'm in the precinct, I feel uneasy.

- Just like seeing mother-in-law. - Do you have a mother-in-law?

No, it's just a metaphor for how uneasy I am.

- Fatty! It's you again! - Yes, sir.

What did you get yourself into this time?

No idea. Probably something unresolved from my past.

Let me help you.

Sir, do you rank well here?

- Three stars. You know what that is? - No.

Three stars stand for Chief Inspector.

Teapot, give me your hand.

The other way.

GOOD CITIZEN AWARD

For me?

Here. Also a $20,000 reward.

Thank you, sir.

We have money for the wedding now.

7086.

You can take some credit for this case as well. Here's yours.

MERIT AWARD

Sir, just a prize? Do I get a pay rise?

- Yes. - Really?

But not now.

Wait for the government to adjust the salary, there'll be a pay rise then.

That means nothing.

How did it go?

They give me this thing.

That's quite good, an encouragement for you.

'Good?!' A pay rise is what I would call 'good'.

- I have something to tell you. - What?

I'm ready to marry you.

Really?!

I'm sorry, fatty. She's agreed to marry me!

I've been looking forward to this!

- Congratulations. - Can't you time your congratulations?

- Hey, let me treat you to yum cha. - OK, I'll race you to the gate.

- OK. - Hang on.

No... I'll carry my girlfriend. You'll carry your girlfriend.

- OK? - OK.

One, two, three...!