Original subtitles

[cutlery clinking]

[person] What? Ariana Grande too? She's like 29.

-Thirty-two. -God forbid.

Aniston, Naomi. All the greats got thread lifts.

-I'm telling you, the earlier the better. -No, everyone's crazy.

-Am I? -[gasps]

Shut up. No way.

Two weeks ago, and it's so subtle,

you literally thought I was just hydrated, no?

Oh. Actually, I thought you looked better

because you dropped 20 on Ozempic.

Finally lost that face fat.

-[clicks tongue] Thank you for noticing. -I love you.

Okay, but seriously, no more slice and dice. Okay?

It's just a little tug, little poke, and very often, okay?

That's the future of beauty.

Nuh-uh. I learned my lesson with lip filler.

It left fucking lumps. Look at this.

Britt, my honey. Listen to me. You're turning 32 next week.

I can literally hear your eggs shriveling up as we speak, okay?

You need to fix that broke face,

and then you're gonna be getting so much new dick,

that trash bag Richie will feel like a distant memory, I promise.

-I'm sad. -I know.

Was that whore Clara really that much prettier than me?

-Yes. She was gorgeous. -Bitch.

[sniffles]

-Mmm. Look at this bitch. -Oh. You.

Sweetie, Harper Rose,

get that tushy up right back out the door, okay, before Anna sees you.

You know she can't stomach human weakness, and this is

I can't. I used all my sick days for Coachella.

I don't get it. Deathly hungover on Rotgut Rosé. She's still a ten.

[Harper coughs]

-Glowing. -I'm not hungover, I swear.

[scoffs] Well, you better not be,

or you can kiss that accessories editor gig goodbye.

Oh, no, sweetie, not the over-the-counter cough syrup.

-Don't do that. -You need some amaro or a digestif.

-Good God, is this COVID? -No, no, no, not COVID.

-Get your aerosols away from my salad. -[Harper] I'm okay.

I just got run down. I caught a bug.

But the good news is I lost another five pounds.

-[gasps] Jealous. Cough on me. -Of course.

-Everybody's just shedding weight. Jesus. -[groaning, coughing]

-Whoa. Honey. -What is this?

I'm not liking this. Oh, God. You okay?

Why are you doing this? Stop it.

[grunting]

[grunting stops]

Okay. Yeah, I guess drink some water or

-Um. Can we -[people gasp]

-[Harper groans] -Fuck.

-[gasping] Water! -Oh, my God, yeah. There's no way that

[people gasp, exclaim]

[gasping]

[yelps]

-[Harper] Water. -What the fuck?

Water! Ah!

-Water! -No! No!

-No! No! -Brittany! Brittany!

[gasping] No, no.

[screams]

[groaning]

[sighs]

[people screaming]

Oh, God! It's in my eye! It's in my eye!

[police officer 1 in Italian]

[police officer 2]

[police officer 1]

[police officer 1]

[in English] Hey! Get me the fuck out of here!

[police officer 1 speaking Italian]

[footsteps approaching]

[Cooper sighs]

[in English] Let's go.

[♪♪ "Easy Lover" playing]

Never gets easier, you know. It's like picking your favorite child.

All brilliant and beautiful in their own way.

But I see why chefs are always drawn to Japanese steel.

The high carbon content creates an impossibly hard edge,

which allows for a more elegant cut and severed nerve endings. Like that.

-Thoughts? -[muffled weeping]

Come on. Speak up, my man.

I'm not gonna get off if you just sit there like a sad sack.

-[muffled] -What?

You-You thinking something a little theatrical, right? More Braveheart.

I got you, bro. Don't worry about it.

♪♪ Before you know it You'll be on your knees ♪♪

Yeah.

♪♪ She's an easy lover ♪♪

[muffled weeping]

You didn't obey the rules, did you?

I don't get people your age.

Thinking you're so goddamn special, working from home in sweatpants,

open relationships and sexual anarchy.

Nothing's sacred anymore. It's disgusting.

You signed an agreement.

You were given a sacred gift, and you show your appreciation

by throwing your dick into strangers and infecting others.

♪♪ Better forget it Oh, you'll regret it ♪♪

♪♪ No, you'll Never change her ♪♪

-Lesson learned. Right? -[phone buzzing]

♪♪ Get out quick 'Cause seeing is believing ♪♪

♪♪ It's the only way ♪♪

♪♪ You'll ever know ♪♪

Hold, please.

-[♪♪ song stops] -[grunts]

Always impeccable timing, honey bear.

Status update.

Well, I'm staring at a runner prepped and ready to go if you quit nagging.

Make it quick. There's a plastic surgeon I need you to go see.

Ouch. You said I was beautiful just the way I am.

He came in contact with the Venetian runner.

She contaminated at least one other person we know of.

[Antonio] How exciting.

Yeah. It's in Indianapolis.

Fuck me. Are you sure?

The digital footprints never lie Hold please.

[moaning]

[speaking Italian]

Fucking hello!

I'm here. Happy as a clam.

[Antonio] At least we got the FBI on ice.

Ah. Not really. There were two more expirations in Venice.

Well, I tried telling you I need better help.

Stay focused. We solve one problem at a time.

Treading water until the production line gets wrapped up.

We got this. We're good. No worries.

Maybe I should goose the nerds along.

Maybe you should do as you're told.

Turn me loose, let me make a call to the old Blackwater crew.

You want speed? Get me mercs with skills. Pros.

You know how I feel about meeting new people. I'm not very good at hellos.

Well, don't expect masterpieces when all I get is a goddamn mop and bucket.

So, how are we feeling about some human sashimi?

[muffled cries]

Could you please give me a minute?

Take all the time you need, you fucking asshole,

but I'm going to have dinner because the filet is getting cold.

And by the way, we have to talk about Tig. Bad news, I'm afraid.

Tig?

Who the fuck is Tig?

Tiger, our oldest troubled son that you have so much contempt for,

you don't even remember his childhood nickname. He relapsed again.

Again.

He's in a methadone clinic in Cleveland.

We're gonna take the plane tomorrow to be by his side. I've organized it all.

Have fun. I'm going to Capri with Jeff and Lauren.

They're actually excited about what I have cooking up, as one would expect.

It is official, then. You are the biggest monster on this planet.

Every night, I pray for your death.

Feel free to go fuck yourself while you're fucking yourself.

Could we play some yacht rock?

Hey. Just letting you know a fresh wire came through.

Should post tomorrow.

[Antonio's ex] Thank you. He asked about you again.

Jesus Christ. How many times are we gonna do this?

It's not too late, Antonio. We could figure something out.

He needs his father in his life.

Yeah, he needs a father. He doesn't need me. You already know the deal.

As long as I keep the accounts full, I'm dead to him.

Good news. There's a room available at the Hilton.

I don't

This fucking guy

[line ringing]

-[Jordan] Hello. You've reached-- -Fuck.

Still nothing.

We searched the hotel. All the stuff is there.

No struggle, nothing on the hotel footage.

We're canvassing everywhere around the bar.

I never should have left her.

Word is, DC is freaking out. They got a plane on standby.

No, fuck that. They went after me and they went after her. We gotta find her.

I'm gonna get my stuff from the hotel, then let's meet.

I had a team take care of that. Follow me.

Both of the guys you killed tested positive. You've been exposed.

Then so have you.

[clicks tongue] I'm negative. That's why I'm keeping my distance.

That scene was a bloodbath.

You're a walking biohazard. Precaution must be taken.

The fuck is this?

Until we get our arms around this, we gotta be smart.

You raise hell, we get panic in the streets. Everything gets fucked.

-No. We don't have time for this. -We'll find her, okay?

Find her!

[hissing]

[saw whirring]

[whirring stops]

[whirring resumes, stops]

My, my, Doctor. Look at the mess you've gotten yourself into.

Uh-uh!

You don't wanna do that.

What are you, some kind of cop?

Bitch, please. Ugh. These cuts were clearly made by somebody

with knowledge of anatomy for easy separation.

So surely the authorities are gonna be looking

for someone with medical training.

A surgeon, even.

No, you don't understand. I didn't kill them.

You think I give a fuck?

I bet you even googled how to dispose of a body, didn't you?

Playing around on the Internet has turned you into a naughty boy

who's met some very naughty girls.

Is this about Claire? Who the fuck are you?

Tell me about the marketplace.

Okay. It was on the dark web. I heard about it from a colleague.

You can buy and sell medical stuff, body parts, even.

I was curious, so I took a look.

You thought you stumbled onto a miracle, didn't you?

She was stunning, but I figured she must be nuts, so I said, "No, thanks."

But you just couldn't help yourself.

She sold you something that didn't belong to her.

Yeah.

-Oh, fuck. Fuck. I didn't know. -Fuck.

I swear it was only the one client.

Jeremy, a fucking incel. He was going to kill me.

-Pinky promise? -What?

Okay. He did this. He's a fucking psycho.

I'm the fucking psycho. Certified since 1961.

Where is he?

[whimpering] I don't know. Please. Please, please.

[groans] Oh, God!

Do you have any idea what kind of luxury wasteland this town is?

I mean, look, I was really enjoying our productive dialogue.

However, if I'm not wheels up soon, I'm gonna freak the fuck out.

Please help me!

-Do I deserve more than a Hilton? -What?

Answer me, Doc. Do I deserve more than the fucking Hilton?

Yes, yes! Oh, my God, yes! [whimpers]

I agree.

People always accuse me of being a high-maintenance girlie and impatient.

I'm just, like, "Excuse me for having an aversion

to bedbugs and dry jizz stains," right?

If I'm gonna be doing the dirty work for these people,

best believe I deserve the best.

Find him, Doc.

-Before you lose more than the arm. -[whimpers]

[panting, moaning]

-Yeah. Oh. -[phone ringing]

Who's calling your boy? Who's calling big daddy?

[woman moaning]

What's up, Doc? Talk to your boy.

Jeremy, hi. Just following up to make sure you're feeling well

and happy with your Nu U results.

My results, Doc? Oh, these results. They-They-They are something else.

You did your damn thing. Whoo! Ooh, you hear that, Doc?

-You're still in town? -[woman continues moaning]

I was supposed to leave. Hold on a second. Hold on, Doc.

Flip around. This way. Give me that leg. You lie there, baby.

Ooh! You got some pretty feet. You got some pretty feet.

I'm still here, Doc. 'Cause this kitty cat was talking to me.

Excellent. Let's have you come in for a quick follow-up.

You, uh, need a second dosage to maintain the effects of the procedure.

What? Why didn't you tell me that before?

Where are you, Jeremy? I can even come to you. Please.

You fucking with me. Come over right now, Doc, 'cause I'm in it.

I'm in this thing like jelly.

♪♪ Peanut butter jelly time Peanut butter jelly time ♪♪

I'm at the Hyatt downtown till this kitty stops purring.

[both moaning]

Hit the home run, hit the home run, hit the

I did what you asked.

-[moaning continues] -You did.

Thanks, Doc.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

We did it. Thank you.

[Antonio] I know. Fantastic new look,

but then, blammo, life just comes at you real fast, doesn't it?

Get off me.

[Jeremy yelling, choking]

[grunts, groans]

-[coughing] -I like you.

Jeremy, as a man of radical honesty, I'll just come right out and say it.

I'm a professional eliminator of problems

and my boss has decided you're a problem.

[panting] Fuck you. Fuck your boss. I didn't do shit.

[yells]

[gasping]

I'm done fucking around with you, Jeremy.

Real piece that Claire bear was, wasn't she?

Yeah. Well, as the saying goes, if it feels too good to be true.

I don't see any condom wrappers around here,

so I'm assuming that you went raw dog with this one too.

What was I supposed to do? She came on to me, man.

You didn't tell her about your little STD situation, did you?

What?

You're not even the slightest bit curious as to how or why

or what made you this way?

No. I mean, I was just shocked she was kind of into me.

Call her. I'm sure she gave you her number.

[gun cocks]

Call her.

-Hey, pudding. -[Claire] Who is this?

-Who is You don't have my number saved? - No.

What? It's me, chocolate daddy.

-[Claire moans] -[chuckles]

What are you wearing?

[moans] You're so sexy.

Well, if I'm so sexy, why don't you come on up?

If I wasn't home in my bed, I'd be in the elevator right now.

She said she went home.

You told me you was getting off at 7:00.

I went home early. I feel like shit.

[breathing heavily]

I think I'm coming down with something.

This crazy fever just, like, hit me out of nowhere.

Well, listen, baby. I got a fever that only that ass can cure.

-Mmm. Tell you what, I'll come to you. - Really?

Yeah, I'll come for you.

I'll-I'll bring you NyQuil, Gatorade, Tylenol, a couple of bananas,

the good homestyle chicken soup, ginger ale and a Ritz cracker.

-Let daddy do that for you. -You're an angel.

I'll text you my address.

Chocolate daddy coming for you, baby. I'm on the way. I'm on the way.

You're a sick fuck, ain't you? Okay, get your clothes and shoes on. Ticktock.

No, I'm not leaving here without her.

If you test negative, you're getting on the goddamn plane, Cooper.

This New York thing is fucked.

Look, we will find her. I'm throwing everything at it.

Let me stay here and lead the team.

Look, I put my nuts on the line for this thing.

I still got some friends over at Langley.

They put a QRF on standby. Some real Black Hawk Down shit.

Do you remember what you told me after my brother got jammed up in Boston

and I wanted to lean on those local cops?

Jammed up? He got hammered and ran into a 7-Eleven.

What did you tell me?

[sighs] Yeah, I get it. Too close to it.

I listened. Now it's your turn.

You beat this shit, and we need you here

so we can have all hands putting together the pieces of this thing.

[device beeping]

All clear, sir.

[exhales heavily]

[automated voice] You are five minutes from your destination.

All right, time to pregame.

[♪♪ "Sailing" playing]

Yep.

Counterintuitive, I know,

but, uh, you know, just yacht rock just lasers my focus like nothing else.

Come on, Jeremy. Hey.

♪♪ Well, it's not far down To paradise At least it's not for me ♪♪

♪♪ And if the wind is right You can sail away, Find tranquility ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, the canvas Can do miracles ♪♪

♪♪ Just you wait and see ♪♪

Hey.

♪♪ Believe me ♪♪

♪♪ It's not far to Never never land ♪♪

♪♪ No reason to pretend ♪♪

♪♪ And if the wind is right You can find the joy ♪♪

♪♪ Of innocence again ♪♪

♪♪ Oh, the canvas Can do miracles ♪♪

♪♪ Just you wait and see ♪♪

♪♪ Believe me ♪♪

Right here, Jeremy.

♪♪ Sailing ♪♪

♪♪ Takes me away to where I've always heard it could be ♪♪

Take the last part.

Come on, Jeremy. Sing the next part.

I don't know this song. So, I'ma just

Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Don't you dare disrespect Christopher Cross

and try to escape in the middle of his biggest hit, okay?

The man has been through enough.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Christopher crisscross? What the fuck?

[sighs] In 1980, Christopher Cross was the shit, right?

Five times platinum.

Five major Grammys.

After all the accolades and success, what did it get him, huh?

-Je What-What did it get him? Hello? -No, really I don't know.

Black people don't listen to Christopher Cross.

-What are you talking? -I don't know, man.

Put his career in the grave. That's what.

Now, I'm sure you're asking yourself, how could that possibly have happened?

Well, he got really popular really fast.

And this is in an era without all the 24-7 social media bullshit.

So, then he starts showing up to the award shows and red carpets.

And then people really get their first good look at him, and they're like,

"He's just-just a regular guy."

A little balding, a little fat.

I loved him. Voice of a generation.

But with MTV exploding onto the scene, shit just only got worse.

You know, it's like, why would you wanna watch a music video of a real person

when you could be watching a gyrating, half-naked Madonna, right?

So, next time you're tugging on that thick, wet, noodle dick

-Stop touching my shit. -remember that.

Okay?

World is cruel to people who aren't beautiful. To normal people.

Fucking cruel.

Learn the fucking words to that song.

[♪♪ song ends]

Wow.

Nice neighborhood.

Come on.

Come on, Jeremy. Walk.

All right.

There we go.

[doorbell rings]

[gun cocks]

-I don't think she's home. -Come on, come on. Ring the bell again.

[ringing repeatedly]

-All right. Time-out. Corner. Over there. -What?

Time-out. Corner. Over there. Stay over there.

Okay.

[drill whirring]

All right, open up.

Hello?

Hello?

[thud]

Up the steps.

[water running]

Hello.

[Claire screams]

Shit.

[shouts]

What

[both scream]

[Jeremy grunting]

Enough. Enough!

[panting]

[pan thuds]

Come on.

[gun cocks]

-Brain or heart? -What?

This isn't a happily ever after situation.

I just saved your life.

And in return, I'm not gonna spend the afternoon

turning you into a medieval art project.

So, you wanna see it coming or is that gonna make it scarier?

You know what? Come on, get up, turn around.

Turn around. Relax.

[Jeremy exhales heavily]

Thank you for giving me what I deserve.

Stop talking.

I ain't shit. I haven't been my whole life. I'm just a fucking loser

that had to kill people to feel something. I ain't shit.

[chuckles]

Probably why my Pops left. So, just come on and give it to me.

Pull it. Pull the fucking trigger, man.

This is the part where people usually get, you know, really, really desperate

and beg and bargain.

So, come on, Jeremy. Beg.

-Beg. -Beg for what?

What do you want me to beg for, man?

[chuckling] What you want me to beg for?

I have nothing. [crying]

I have nothing, man. [chuckles]

And I spent my entire life just wanting to feel.

And goddamn it, it felt so good. So do it. Pull that trigger.

Just go on. Do it now. Pull the trigger.

You can do it. Pull the trigger, man.

[breathing shakily]

You hungry?

-What? -Yeah.

Well, you made this about as fun as a sandpaper hand job

and my blood sugar's going crazy.

So, let's get something to eat.

Oh my God would you look at this little slice of heaven.

Dale, since this is my first time at Applebee's,

would you kindly advise because let me tell you something, man, I'm torn.

I'm torn between the chicken wonton tacos

and this, this right this delightful riblet entrée.

Well, those are my two favorites. Can't go wrong.

Come on. It's a gift.

I'm able to look at any menu and detect the best entrées. It's crazy.

You know what, can you just give us two minutes and, um, we'll make our decisions.

[stammers] Just let us know when our table is ready.

-[Dale] You got it. -We'll be right here.

Thank you, Dale.

Where every meal feels like home.

Look, if I wasn't on the clock,

I would be slamming these spicy marg specials.

This place is heaven.

How much longer are you gonna be fucking with me, Captain O?

Jeremy, Jeremy, smile. We're having fun.

You try running out of here, you try one false goddamn move,

and I will liquefy your dick.

-The people behind us are looking. -What?

Smile. Smile at 'em. Smile at the people behind us.

-Smile? -The people behind.

Why is she Why are they looking at us like that?

You're attractive now. Gotta get used to it.

She like that. [chuckles] Yeah, she like that.

That's the queen of spades right there.

The what?

Queen of spades. You d

You a big, fat square. You ain't never heard of queen of spades?

A white woman who loves sucking, tugging, rubbing on Black dudes.

Well, specifically BBC.

Big Black--

Cock. Big Black cock. BBC. That's what it stands for.

-Big Black Cock. -[scoffs]

-Wow. -Yeah, that's them BBC's.

And the husband, they like to get involved.

They like to put their phones out, take photos, videos.

But you know what? She's Mmm. She's bringing me back.

Never forget it. There was this girl. Butterfly Booty Meat 92.

Never forget it. I drove 17 miles for her in my mama's car.

I watched the smile fade when I pulled my hard, throbbing dick out,

just right there ready for her.

She look at me and says, "Ugh, I thought it might be bigger."

-Damn. -Bitch, I sent you the photos.

What the fuck? What the fuck is that?

Right. Her fault. Crazy.

Gentlemen, your table awaits.

-I never quite lived up to the fantasy. -Just keep walking.

You know, without the right dick, I'm trash.

Just keep smiling.

-But not anymore. -Yeah. You guys look cute together.

Not anymore.

Fuck it.

No. No, keep oversharing. I'm interested.

Before the change, from what I'm understanding

about your situation, you were

-Not attractive. -You hated yourself?

I hated the way the world made me feel about myself.

You know, let's-let's keep it real.

White dudes, light skinned men, they get more.

More women, more dates, more attention. More, more, more.

I don't know why I'm not filming you 24-7. I feel like I'll win a goddamn Oscar.

[Dale] Complimentary fries for the table.

-Dale, thank you. -You're welcome. Are you ready to order?

You know what? We are, actually. Yeah. We're gonna do those riblets.

-[Dale] Good choice. -Thank you. Come on.

Why you keep fussing with that thing? You blow up people for a living.

And you know scars, they are kinda badass.

You focus on the wrong side of my face.

You and me, we have a lot more in common than you realize.

Oh, shit.

Ooh. Ooh. You-You got it too?

Early adopter. More purified version straight from the lab.

Highly experimental envelope-pushing gene therapy using viral RNA technology.

To put it more simply, um,

near complete ground-up turbocharged remodel

of your physical self on a cellular level.

Experimental.

One dose.

One dose of this is the closest thing to the fountain of youth

any human is ever gonna get.

Which of course comes with

Take Ozempic. Pharma company is valued at 500 billion.

What do you think this germ's gonna be worth, huh? One trillion, 500 trillion?

So, then when a yahoo lab tech steals a trial version,

and he starts fucking and spreading this shit?

-Now we have a problem. -Black market.

But the sexual transmission is, uh-- is more of a bug than a feature.

Like the easy access account prevents people from wanting to spend money

on the expensive name-brand shit.

And that is poison for a company who's gearing up for an IPO.

So, then they hire somebody like me. A consultant.

Right.

To, uh, take care of their problems.

I bet that pays well enough for these bitches to look past

that Bond villain face you got going on.

[both laugh]

Yeah, well, no wanton housewife's kicking me out of bed, chubby bubby.

Mm-hmm.

That. That right there.

No, you didn't bolt from the maid's house when you had a chance.

Now, somewhere in that fucked up bird's nest you got up there,

you saw another opportunity to kill, and you felt compelled to take it.

You got a real darkness in you.

-You know, my son's a bit like you. -Your son?

You're like 30 years old. How old is this son?

[sniffs]

I'm 65 years old.

You're a lot like my son, but he's having a rough go at it right now.

It's not fun to see, but, you know, fortunately for him,

he has the tools to find his way through it.

But you on the other hand. No, no, no.

You're like one of those dim bulbs that just step on every fucking rake

that the world has laying around.

Cultivate your anger.

You know, maybe, uh, maybe even get paid while we're at it, right?

What is this? Some

assassin big brother program?

Think of it as a mutual agreement.

I have needs as well.

What do you need?

A protégé. A killer.

[Dale] Two riblets.

Wow. Thank you, Dale. Top marks for speed, my brother.

[chuckles] Big tip, brother.

-[giggling] -[Antonio] This guy. Wow.

Dig in.

[Cooper] So, she literally exploded?

-Yes. -[woman screams]

[Monroe] I looked at the Paris photos. So much worse than that.

I was outside. Hear the blast radius was internal.

Encapsulated. You saw the scene?

-[camera shutter clicking] -[Monroe] I did.

[thermometer beeping]

Liver temperature ten hours after incident is 180 degrees.

Holy shit. It's still that high?

-[Manny] Brittany! -[Brittany screams]

-[door lock buzzes] -[screaming in distance]

[person coughing]

Monroe.

What is this?

Condé Nast staffers in the blast range who instantly tested positive.

Some of them got bodily fluids in their eyes, their mouths.

Typical mucous membrane transmission.

Viral load levels are all over the map.

-What are we doing with them? -Awaiting instruction.

Your interview subject is traumatized but cooperative. So far.

Not positive?

Not yet.