Original subtitles

I think you feel nice Claudia.

I really think it will.

Fix you right up.

Fix you right up.

Sing with me Bill.

Come on little bell sing with me.

You know the lyrics.

You lost and gone for.

It was my voice who left.

Sometimes I think it arrived on paper.

I wrote the picture.

Lies interchangeably.

Made me feel like someone else.

For Christ's sake.

The worth to belong to.

That is your daughter.

No.

To safety. To girls.

My mother. Her hair.

Her scar. Her stories.

Won a prize for that story belt.

And your daddy won an art

prize for this drawing. My sister.

My adoration. My heart.

I mean you look like a bone

in that nubby sack shirt.

It does nothing for you.

Look at me.

Trying to look like a man. My sister.

Taking everything.

Before you were even born. One take.

My sister is gone.

My mother is.

My father designs houses in

the room next to my smoking.

I wait for 5am. I pray.

Swim.

You know the drill.

One lick for every pound you're over.

Taurus.

Primer.

One for you, freshman.

So we'll make it count.

Miles does it take? To swim.

To a self.

So you really want this, huh?

You only got a three quarter ride.

Offered the whole nine yards, huh?

Delighted to offer a

partial scholarship.

Last one.

In my head I swam laps.

Didn't even get one full ride.

Hey, don't blame me.

If they don't want you, then

you don't belong there.

I could taste blood.

The answer is no.

Why?

Because he could.

And I was hit.

I'm a coach from Texas Tech.

I'm excited to meet you. Let's talk.

I'd like to have you on our team.

I almost loved her.

There's a gold bell.

Fucking disgusting media.

You should be ashamed of her.

My bedroom holds the wet and

the dark of my body.

It smells like my sweat. And chlorine.

Can't sleep, huh?

Yeah, me neither. Come here.

I want to talk to you.

Listen, I'm sorry I've been

so hard on you lately.

I guess I just really worry

about you out there.

Things are going to be

different when you go to college.

And I want you to listen to me.

He narrated what boys would do to me.

How they put their dirty

hands up my skirt and finger-fuck me.

Fond on my tits.

How disgusting boys would be.

Their hand.

Their hips running in and up.

And their dicks. And his.

Me sitting next to him.

Feeling the heat of him.

Without even looking.

What are you doing out here?

Motherfucker.

All I thought was my own

wide open cunt.

It opens the mouth.

Screaming.

Mother, mother, mother fucker.

I didn't know a girl body

could do that.

Shoot.

It had to explode.

Yuck.

Above your hands.

Father and my brother.

Who have the real voices.

I always hear them in my head.

Really?

What are they saying?

An amazing grace.

Voices of God. Poor Phillip.

I wish I could go back and apologize.

Where it's been gone.

And I know the peace will come.

I've been searching for the dolphins.

It's just a regular James Taylor.

Singing his heart out here in Texas.

And sometimes I wonder.

Do you ever.

This world may never change.

Where it's been gone.

And I know the peace will come.

How'd you always do that?

I feel it.

You're such a pussy.

Take a joke.

You're so fucking sensitive.

This is probably one of the

most pathetic things I've ever seen.

This is what I'm talking about.

It's like.

It's like talking to a

fucking doorknob.

Why didn't you say something?

When you say anything.

I'm being a fucking bitch.

So why don't you do something about it?

You're not a bitch.

Fuck you Phillip.

You don't even fucking know me Phillip.

It means lover of horses.

Or brotherhood.

Wake up motherfucker! Hey Liz.

Wanna get out of here? She's good.

I'll take her back. Hey man.

I shut that door.

Just shut the goddamn door.

I've seen you at practice.

Yeah I flunked out. That's cool.

I can still feel my face.

Addiction is in me for sure.

But I want to describe

something else to you.

Something smaller.

It's a smaller word.

So small I could travel a bloodstream.

Go away Belle. Stay away.

This isn't anything for you.

I'm not talking about anything.

I'm not talking about anything.

I'm not talking about anything.

Forty. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Lydia.

You can talk to us. It helps.

Trust me.

I'm not talking about anything.

You know.

I always like to say. Find meaning.

In life's traffic. Through clearing.

Spiritual barriers.

Proud of you. You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey.

Would you marry me?

Okay.

And children have their dreams

to hold on to.

And how they fly take us to the moon.

Yes.

They float from you.

Yes.

They float from you.

They float from you.

And they float from you.

And women have themselves to

hold on to.

And how they fly take me by surprise.

They float from me.

They float from me.

And they float from me. So good.

You did so good.

You did so good.

I made you some tea.

I don't want any tea.

What are we going to do?

Lydia.

I love you.

I love you.

And whatever you want to do.

I'll support it. That's it?

More than nothing from the

most passive man on the fucking planet.

Sorry.

I've been kind of sick.

You don't want anything.

And you are killing me when

you're not wanting anything.

What were you thinking?

I don't know.

It's fucking impossible.

I can't stand how nice he is.

I can't stand how nice he is.

But I couldn't have killed it either.

I was thinking maybe there's

a world in which I come and

live with you and Eugene.

And take some classes where

you're teaching.

And I don't know.

Maybe we could start like a

little family.

Yes.

Because I think my life with

him is going to be like some stupid.

Sad.

Sad.

Fucking. Country song.

And I...

Lydia.

Lydia.

I said yes. Come home.

Okay.

Cool.

Because she left me once.

To save her own life.

What are you doing back there, huh?

Playing with yourselves?

What?

I bring them to the most

beautiful scenery in the world and...

And they're just playing grab ass?

Look out the goddamn window!

Claudia.

Grab the hacksaw from under

your mother's seat. Come on!

Let's go.

Here you go, sweetheart.

For sustenance.

For sustenance.

You don't want it?

Come on, honey.

Just have a little sip.

It'll warm you up.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Well, thank God.

Where's the tree?

That's the picture. Welcome home.

Oh!

Come on in.

Shit.

I'll get that.

Why because I'm pregnant?

Yeah.

Here.

Thank you, Claudia.

Do you remember when you used

to make me do things?

Like...

Here.

Bite this apple.

It's just sucking in my mouth.

Here.

Smell this ashtray.

Just blow it.

One.

Two.

Ashes all over my fucking face.

I would've done anything.

You were mythic to me.

And I went downstairs after

you moved into the basement.

I don't know.

I realized how smart that was

then, but...

I used to look at all of

your stuff and used to touch it.

One time I found a razor

blade in your purse, cut myself on it.

I made the fact that I had to pee hurt.

I know that this is a sacrifice.

No, it's just you.

You were so little.

This is one way to

Frankenstein your life.

Maybe...

I've been waiting for this.

Brie.

Where is she?

Can I hold her? Uh, yeah.

Her lips are pink. They're pink.

Just throw it as far as you can.

It's not funny. Get it?

Sorry. It's me.

God damn, girl.

What are you, some kind of mermaid?

Yup.

You got something to say? No way.

Come on!

You deserve this.

You don't want to come with me?

This is crazy.

I'm not even a grad student.

I'm basically just trolling

the English department.

You think Keezy gives a rat's

ass about UFO rules?

You will regret not doing this.

They won't even let me enroll.

Bullshit.

I already told them about you.

These...

He's gonna love you.

You don't want to write a

novel with Ken Keezy. Hey, everyone.

Um, hey everybody.

Hey.

You're an idiot.

Hi.

Um, this is Lydia. Say hi.

Hi. Well, hello.

What do we have here?

A triple-A tootsie?

Jeff.

Yes.

You think you can roll one?

I always hate sitting in a

room full of writers.

Sure.

The chair will be fine.

I want you all...

I want you all to be winners.

I want you to be warriors.

Warriors.

I'll give you the warrior test.

Shit floats. Cream rises.

Shit floats. Jerry Rubin.

Cream rises. Ferling Getty.

Lord Buckley. Lenny Bruce.

The greats.

I want you to be great.

Shit, somebody has got to

create our culture for the

next 50 years and I want it to be you.

All right, there are only two rules.

One, do not talk the plot of

our novel to anyone outside this class.

Two, I comprise 50% of the class.

So we only write together

because we will publish or

perish together.

Nelson Augeron says the job

of the writer is to pull the

judge down onto the dock to

make the almighty feel what

it's like to be down low.

It'll be all right.

Grass never killed anybody. So, go.

Right now.

Write some bizarre sentences.

Hey!

Where are you?

You can't take quaaludes

before the class.

Now disappear into your imagination.

Come on!

Disappear into your imagination.

Nobody's in the room but you

and that pen.

Here you are.

This is the shed.

I wrote demon boxing here.

This room here is a creative room here.

It's a creative space. Hey, Bennett.

You didn't even bring the

ludes with you, did you?

You know, those kind of drugs

put you into your body, not

into your mind.

Stick with the acid,

psilocybin, San Pedro.

Something to disintegrate your

ego so you can hear your inner voice.

And you write from that voice.

You know, 27-2199.

Let me see you.

hero!

We want your voice to come through.

It's supposed to happen.

I got rustler's knees.

All right, let's get outside

before the sun sets.

I want you to meet someone.

Come on up.

Fuck you, God.

God got the commandments wrong.

I think there's 11 commandments.

And it should be the first commandment.

Have mercy.

Lord, have mercy.

Just think, if everybody had

mercy for each other,

where we'd be today.

You see a man in the street,

needs a few dollars,

give it to him. Give it to him.

Have mercy.

He needs it.

He wouldn't ask for it if he

didn't need it.

Mercy, hire me to rewrite the Bible.

Lord, are you some kind of mermaid?

Yep.

You know, when Jed died, my boy,

I wanted to cease to exist.

And everybody that talked to

me said something asinine.

Lord, he didn't say anything at all.

He understands death anymore.

We used to be sacred. So sacred.

No one's big enough to hold

what happens to us.

No one is big enough.

You got something to say?

It's in your hands.

Everything about my father was

in his hands.

Before my father was my father.

He was an artist.

And your daddy.

Before my father was an artist.

He was an athlete.

He was beautiful.

And she was.

Before my father was my father.

He was a boy whose own mother.

His tongue.

Before I hated him, I loved him.

Look up.

You know, if you don't look

where you're going,

you're going to crash.

You hear me?

And get to the bottom of the hill,

you just break enough to make a turn.

Okay? Keep going.

Keep your head up.

You done with that, chapter?

Hey.

Huh?

I'm a writer. Thank you.

Thank you.

We are gathered because we

want to see the results.

We want to witness the

results of this experiment.

A collaborative novel written by us.

Please, let's welcome the

first of the not-so-merry pranksters

to the stage to present Caverns.

Lydia, come on up.

We're going to kill it.

Hello.

Um...

Behind my knee.

There you go. You too.

Thank you. We're coming.

Back to my knees. Lydia's father.

What can I say?

I'm a great admirer of yours.

Mike.

Is that right? That's right.

I'm glad you could make it.

Lydia and I, we saw a

cuckoo's nest and sometimes a

great notion together,

and it's just great.

I mean, great books.

You know, Mike, Lydia here,

she can knock it out of the park.

Do you want me to sign that?

Thanks for coming, Dad.

Mike.

Please. Be brave.

Yep.

I've seen a lot of writers,

and you got the stuff.

It comes to the most

spiritual beach on Earth. Hold that.

You can hold it all.

You're going to hold it all, girl.

So, so what's next?

Next.

Next. What's next?

Next.

I'm going to write the sound

and the fury.

Of course you do.

See if I can catch it.

Ready?

Yeah.

I'm not writing on that going in.

It has no metaphor. Fuck metaphor.

Okay.

It's just a rock that fell.

I'm going to get the rock,

and I'm going to go pee. All right.

Oh, yeah.

There we go.

You got it.

It's time I saw him.

You can write, girl.

I'm of the opinion that he drowned.

Caddy wants to fuck. She's insatiable.

And because her neighbor boy

man has a giant pants bulge

and a sound that comes out

of him instead of language,

she goes over to his house

and she removes all of her

clothes so he finally fucks her.

And crushes her.

And crushes her.

He fucks her to death, and

she loves it.

And she laughs until she

cries and an ambulance has to come.

But it's too late.

That is the sound and the fury.

Try it.

Look, I've reread the sound

and the fury.

Reworking Faulkner is some

college shit.

Maybe try something original.

I don't know.

I hate them.

Hey.

What the hell does he know?

It is original.

It's a fucking pastiche.

Hey.

Hey.

You want to go to the coast?

They got us a room. Hi, Hannah.

We're actually going to work

on these this weekend. All right.

Come on.

Sure flies on none. What's that?

I fucking dare you. Come on.

Anything. Any time.

Any time.

Anywhere.

Anywhere.

Anything.

Any time.

Please be careful.

To feel absolutely nothing.

And we got some firewood.

Don't anything I wouldn't do.

Is this like a fuck trip?

What?

I never, I never liked pussy.

In water, like in books, you

can leave your life.

We're a happy childhood. We swim.

We race.

You went fast out, Tom.

We laugh like other people's children.

And the first and last name is like.

He goes and cramies.

And win, goela, bell.

Win, goela, bell.

Win, goela, bell. Win, goela.

Making song loops in my skull.

Mono.

Mono?

Isn't that the kissing disease?

Don't be silly.

Everything's gonna be okay, bell.

You'll see.

You're gonna feel better.

And your dad's gonna take

real good care of you. Aren't ya?

We'll be alright.

Okay.

Mama's gonna go sell some houses.

Can you just give it a cup?

It is language letting me say

how four weeks can be years.

It is the yielding expanse of

a white page.

Have you shown these to anyone?

No.

Work is so dark.

What do you know about pain, Lydia?

Um, I know that it matters to me.

I'm gonna take care of you.

Do you understand?

No, ask me for what you want.

That's not right, Angel.

I want you to knock it out of me.

To whip me.

Where would you like to be with, Angel?

Everywhere.

Take it somewhere.

Mom.

I'm trying to be precise.

At the moment my mother was

whining, Daddy was smelling my cunt.

I've reached my best moment

now, he explained.

Now I was sure what he was

referring to.

This is the moment of truth.

I'm going off, off, off,

jacking it off.

My hands are gonna be broken

from this one.

I don't even recognize my own body.

It doesn't matter.

I know you're mine.

I made you.

I'm making you.

I swore I'd live for pleasure.

My tongue is fucking enormous. Feel it.

It's reaching down to my waist.

You're seeing your actual

father in his moment of truth.

God Almighty. Nothing matters.

You're my God. My daughter.

I worship you.

I beg you to do it.

So I can please you.

Now look at it.

It's big in my corkscrewing hand.

Kiss it.

My father explained again.

I am fucking God.

And I made God. Holy shit.

All I have to do is look at God.

And God is happy.

Because I've made God come.

God is in heaven.

I'm in heaven.

And I've died the whole world

in heaven.

I'm coming all over your face.

I licked up his sperm.

It's just making me sick.

Who do you think you are?

My father's daughter. You're one.

Vodka!

Mostly all the time.

I feel nothing about myself.

I make fuck body pain shadows.

Septic.

To escape to year six.

when underwater stories start

itching and yelling begins a

rhythm where drinking gets louder and

go back to kissing women i

know and kissing women i

don't know and what is a

couple over time but a

line i'll show you a fucking

line your fucking bullshit is

taking over the house it was taking

over the house i didn't want

a drink i wanted to write

you're seven i finished my dissertation

you're eight i get a phd

you're ten you pretend you

said that you would love me

until i died you said

we would die together in love

where are you there is the

man who would love a woman like me

the data shivering arms little

tragedies are difficult to

keep straight chronology convinces

us we are moving toward a

real place swimmers to your

marks gunshot a gunshot

released our tense flesh

fathers were often

uncontainable while the little

women swam for their lives

swim hurry harder faster

a cacophony of men swelling

and pressing down on the wet

motion how many times did i

slip into the

chlorinated depths secretly

hoping to shed this useless

skin and emerge something amphibious

about gender and waiting to

see what comes out it's

creepy and idiotic starting to

piss me off

that i have to even think

that hole what i am saying

there is a woman in a room

who is tired of looking down

bleeding bearing and it of

remaining open with no hope

of suturing herself up it

isn't that i want it gone it's that

wanting to come from somewhere

near the surface with grateful

remind me why we're here i

thought this was your idea i

came here with you

delusion

women are idiots she begged i

changed my name

kill or suck the killing back

pump it into the story of someone else

my father lost his memory

from hypoxia that day i did

not kill him did not save

him i am learning

to live on land

go back

but have your parents read

this story and what do they think

join new york

you're gonna get an e-job

oh yeah it's so nice to meet

you thank you for being here

excuse me

do you have anything um

thanks

carol hoax smith

norton publishing

it's pretty impressive what

you did up there

thank you

no really it didn't look easy

tell me is there any more

where that came from

something in a little while

you should send me something

it's just that something in

me had been born still

it's a small stem we carry

shame of wanting something good

hi

chop and block

peer review

who wants to go first

really helpful

you know you can't look the wrong line

your one is just as important

as your own

you have to

it has to hurt

but i'm excited for you

something small and specific

caught my eye

an important detail

a bruise

on the bridge of her nose

letting me know that her eyes were blue

like mine

hey

i pay her pimp a hundred dollars

i ask her in

i tell her to sit down

in the story i say

this is what it feels like to be me

a woman who teaches english

looking down at a woman who

sucks dicks all day

she sits on my couch

smoking

look at her

i think she looks like mary

in the story

in the story i say

what am i gonna do

teacher

this is what me

an addict

upwardly mobile

given something as

infinitesimally small as words

to believe in

thinks

i'm looking at her

offer words

people say to me all the time

did the things in your short stories

actually happen

isn't that the

the question

when it comes to life

did this really happen to me

andy

i don't know

the things that happened to us

are true

but writing

is a whole other body

i was hoping we could discuss

my manuscript

oh

of course

yeah

i also want to loan you my car

saw you were taking the bus

and

i happen to have two cars

hey

you can tell a lot about a person

from seeing them in the water

thank you

for what

it's about if you swim with me

i read a couple of your stories

i know that swimming is a good deal

i always let my students choose to run

you know i wanted to say

i've seen you a couple times before

yeah i read about ken kesey

teaching at u of o when i

was abroad and i applied to

the program but it already happened

no shit this is funny

yeah i know

and then i've seen you

stomping around the creative

writing department

i was in the reading you gave a girlie

oh that's weird

weird

it was a weird day for me

why

my father

was

my

my father

your father

was abusive

your father

how's it

sexual

well

it sucks

i hope something karmically

fucked happened to him

yeah

kind of actually

it did

excellent

wow

it was a long time ago i

was a totally different person then

so who are you now

i'm your teacher

i'm teaching you how to take my car

i don't quite know how to

tell you what it feels like

watching the little woman swim

for her life

i mean

are you fucking insane

i can see the mother in you

there's more to your story

than you think

thank you

thanks

sir

what

out the room

they said it would be ready tomorrow

sure

i must

be weird right

hi dad

hello

no it's me it's lydia

i know that kiddo

i read that book

oh yeah

do you know who wrote it

um

you

that's right

did you read all of the stories

i uh

there was one about swimming

thank you

thank you

or a flattering of me though

that's fair enough

prize for that story

i got to go to new york

there's a real home

you have here

don't you

the safest memories are locked

away in the brains of people

who can't remember

oh

oh

get her mine

get her mine

no i don't

get her

Underwater, forever.

They ain't gonna count. I'm swimming.

Nose and ears and into my brain.

Uh, Miles?

How many times have you seen

mums swimming and swimming laps?

Lots of times, right?

Have you ever noticed that

I've never got water in my brain?

Water's never gone in in my brain.

You wanna see? Watch this.

Tell me how much water goes

in my brain, okay?

See?

Okay, pull.

I have a very important game.

I'm gonna put my whole head underwater.

Okay.

And we look at each other underwater.

What game is this?

I made it up.

The key is, make up shit.

I'm not speaking out of my

asshole when I say this. Come in.

The water will hold you.

It will針 on a nearly 80

seconds, so I thank you.

Yeah, it works.

If you are closer to an

hour, do I remember? Thank you.