Original subtitles

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

( thunder rumbling )

Ernie: THEY'LL FIND HIM.

HE'S A TOUGH OLD BIRD.

HE WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.

Oskar: I BET YOU TWO DOLLARS HE'S DEAD.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

IT'S ABOUT DINO.

DINO?

THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT.

Reporter: As daylight fades on the Sound

so do the last lingering hopes of rescue workers

friends and fans that aging singer

Dino Spumoni might still be found alive.

OH, NO.

Spumoni remains missing

after reportedly falling from his yacht

early this morning.

As we await word on his fate

let's look back at his career.

The 67-year-old crooner rose to tremendous popularity

in the '50s and early '60s

topping the charts with such hits as "You Better Not Touch My Gal."

A member of the notorious Rat Pack

Spumoni also had numerous run-ins with the police.

After serving five days in jail in 1965 for assaulting a photographer

the singer was philosophical.

Reporters: Dino... How was jail?

It was the worst joint I ever stayed at...

outside of Pittsburgh.

( laughter )

But I learned my lesson.

You won't see Dino going around

punching out photographers anymore.

Reporter: In the mid-'60s, despite the growing popularity of rock and roll

and so-called psychedelic music

Spumoni tried to stay on the charts

by adapting his style to the times.

( rock music playing )

♪ Wacka-wacka, wow-wow, wacka-wacka wow... ♪

Reporter: Trippin' with Dino failed to attract many young fans

and turned off some of his loyal older supporters.

Nevertheless, Spumoni lived the good life.

A favorite of the rich and famous

he was also a frequent guest at the White House

where he reportedly had the ear of the president.

Hey, Lyndon, I got your ear!

( laughing ): Aw, cut that out.

Let go, you big Eye-talian nut job. Sic 'em, Yukie.

Reporter: After his third marriage ended in the mid-'70S

and his record and concert sales began a steady decline

Spumoni struggled to keep his failing career afloat.

Duets in the '80S with Run-D.M.C., Guns-n-Roses and Tiffany

gave the singer momentary boosts

but in recent years, Spumoni's career has bottomed out.

The singer's personal life has fared no better.

His fifth marriage, to beautician Candy Maldonado

ended in divorce just six months ago.

But while others abandoned the one-time pop star, one man stood by him:

Don Reynolds, his long-time songwriting partner and devoted friend.

I always hated him.

He's a selfish, low-life ingrate.

I hope he's dead.

Reporter: Now, as I read this report just handed to me

the Coast Guard has officially called off the search

confirming what has been all but a foregone conclusion:

Dino Spumoni, American entertainer, legend and petty criminal

is dead at the age of 67.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HEY, HEY, HEY, I WIN THE BET!

YOU OWE ME TWO DOLLARS!

HE WAS A GREAT SINGER.

A GIANT.

Finally, this late word

that a note has been found

believed to have been written by Spumoni only last night.

It reads, "I got nothing left.

"My career's a bust, and so is my personal life.

"I took my best shot, but it all came to nothing.

"So now that I'm all alone and washed up

I might as well say, 'Sayonara, Baby.'"

The note is signed simply, "Dino."

Back to you, Ted.

IT JUST SO SAD.

YEAH, I KNOW.

BUT THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

IT'S ALL PART OF THE GREAT MYSTERY OF LIFE.

CAN WE GO TO THE FUNERAL?

WELL, OF COURSE WE CAN GO TO THE FUNERAL, SHORT MAN.

IT WOULD BE WRONG NOT TO GO.

AFTER ALL, DINO STARTED HIS CAREER RIGHT HERE IN THE BOARDING HOUSE.

WE ALL KNEW AND LOVED HIM.

PLUS THERE'S BOUND TO BE LOTS AND LOTS OF FREE FOOD!

OH, BOY, I HOPE THERE'S SHRIMP COCKTAIL!

GRANDPA, REMEMBER, DON'T MAKE ANY JOKES.

EVERYONE'S HERE TO PAY THEIR RESPECTS

AND TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY CARED ABOUT HIM.

YOU GOT IT.

Reynolds: WHAT CAN YOU SAY

ABOUT A GUY LIKE DINO?

HE WAS A MEAN, BITTER, SELFISH, ARROGANT, BACK-STABBING...

A NASTY HUMAN BEING...

BUT DINO HAD ANOTHER SIDE, TOO.

HE WAS ALSO A SNIVELING COWARD.

Woman: I THINK

YOUSE ALL KNOW ME.

CANDY MALDONADO SPUMONI, DINO'S LAST EX.

DINO AND I HAD TWO REALLY GREAT YEARS TOGETHER.

THEN WE GOT MARRIED.

THEN AFTER THAT, WE GOT DIVORCED

AND I MADE A WHOLE PILE OF MONEY.

ANYWAYS, WE HAD OUR GOOD TIMES, AND EVEN THOUGH

HE WAS GONE A LOT OUT ON THE ROAD

HE WASN'T A BAD GUY.

OH, YEAH, AND HE WAS REALLY OKAY

WITH MY WONDERFUL SON JIMMY.

JIMMY REALLY LOVED DINO.

CAN WE GO NOW?

( screeching ): IN A MINUTE!

IN CONCLUSION, IT'S REAL SAD ABOUT DINO'S UNTIMELY PASSING

BUT I KNOW HE'S LOOKING DOWN ON US NOW FROM A BEAUTIFUL CLOUD UP IN HEAVEN.

( coughing )

OKAY, THAT'S IT.

EVERYBODY'S INVITED BACK TO THE HOUSE TO EAT!

Grandpa: HOT DOG, I KNEW IT!

SHRIMP COCKTAIL!

OH, SWEET JIMINY... MMM...

WHO'S IN HEAVEN NOW?

GRANDPA...

ARNOLD, LOOK, SHRIMP COCKTAIL...

DINO'S LAWYER

JUST INVITED ME TO THE READING OF HIS WILL.

MAYBE DINO LEFT YOU SOMETHING, LIKE AN ASHTRAY OR A LAWN GNOME.

IT'D BE NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO REMEMBER HIM BY.

SURE IT WILL, ESPECIALLY IF IT'S A LAWN GNOME.

NOW TRY THE SHRIMP, ARNOLD.

NO, THANKS, GRANDPA.

OH, COME ON, IT'S GOOD...

Man: "AS FOR MY REMAINING PAINTINGS

"AND OTHER COLLECTIBLES

"I LEAVE THEM TO BE DIVIDED EQUALLY

"AMONGST MY FIVE EX-WIVES, EXCEPT BUNNY

WHO GETS JACK SQUAT."

AW, NUTS! TAKE ME HOME, CHOOCH!

( clears throat )

"BECAUSE I HAVE NO CHILDREN

"AND BECAUSE I OWE A PILE IN ALIMONY

"I LEAVE THE REMAINDER OF MY EXISTING CASH AND ASSETS

TO MY MOST RECENT EX-WIFE, CANDY."

YES!

CAN WE GO NOW?

IN A MINUTE!

AND FINALLY

MR. SPUMONI HAS DIRECTED

IN HIS LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

THAT... "ALL EARNINGS FROM FUTURE SALES

"OF MY RECORDS, VIDEOS AND ALL OTHER MEDIA

"CURRENT AND IN PERPETUITY, IN THIS UNIVERSE OR IN ANY OTHER

"INCLUDING PLANETS INHABITED AND/OR RULED BY APES

SHALL BE AWARDED TO MY ONE GOOD AND LOYAL FRIEND, ARNOLD."

WHAT?

"IN ADDITION, I LEAVE HIM

"MY COLLECTION OF CUSTOM SUITS

AND A BOX OF ASSORTED PERSONAL MEMENTOS."

Grandpa: IT WON'T AMOUNT TO MUCH MONEY-- HIS RECORDS AREN'T SELLING--

BUT IT WAS NICE OF HIM TO THINK OF YOU.

WHY WOULD HE LEAVE ALL THIS PERSONAL STUFF TO ME?

MAYBE IT WAS JUST A WHIM

OR MAYBE HE WAS GETTING SENILE

OR MAYBE HE JUST LIKED YOU.

MAYBE...

SHRIMP COCKTAIL?

IT'S FROM THE FUNERAL.

THOSE RUBBER POCKETS PAID OFF.

LOOK AT ALL THIS- HIS OLD PICTURES AND RECORDS.

OOH, A PAPERBACK COPY OF I THE JURY.

OH, I... I'LL JUST HANG ONTO THIS FOR YOU UNTIL YOU TURN TEN.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE DINO LEFT HIS WHOLE LIFE IN MY HANDS.

NOT HIS WHOLE LIFE.

JUST A BUNCH OF HIS OLD THINGS.

THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE: LIVES ARE MESSY... OLD THINGS ARE FUN.

TAKE ME, FOR EXAMPLE. ( laughs )

I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING.

OH, ARNOLD, I HEARD YOUR FRIEND DIED.

YEAH.

WELL, DON'T FEEL BAD.

I MEAN, HE WAS AN OLD GUY

AND THAT'S WHAT OLD GUYS DO.

THEY DIE.

AND BESIDES...

HE WASN'T THAT GOOD OF A SINGER ANYWAY.

Man: PSST!

HUH? WHO SAID THAT?

OVER HERE.

WHO'S THERE?

IT'S ME... DINO.

COME ON, WHO IS THAT?

IGGY, IS THAT YOU?

NO, IT'S ME, DINO-- DINO SPUMONI.

WHAT?! BUT, I MEAN...

YOU CAN'T BE! DINO?

IN THE FLESH, BABY.

BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE...

DEAD? I KNOW, BUT I'M NOT.

EVERYBODY THINKS I'M DEAD, EXCEPT YOU.

IT'S ALL PART OF MY PLAN.

YOUR PLAN?

THAT'S RIGHT, MY PLAN.

I'LL EXPLAIN, BUT

FIRST I NEED A FAVOR.

THIS WILL DO FINE.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU FAKED YOUR OWN DEATH?

THAT'S RIGHT, I FAKED MY OWN DEATH.

ALL PART OF MY PLAN.

I JUMPED OVERBOARD AND SWAM TO SHORE.

NOBODY KNEW I COULD SWIM, NOBODY.

BUT I BEEN TAKING LESSONS ON THE SLY.

THAT WAS THE KEY. I KNEW THEY'D FIGURE I WAS A GONER.

BUT WHY?

RECORD SALES.

I DON'T GET IT.

SIMPLE-- MY RECORD SALES WERE DOWN.

I WAS A FORGOTTEN MAN.

OLD, WASHED-UP... A HAS-BEEN.

THEN IT HIT ME... MOST ARTISTS DON'T GET FAMOUS TILL THEY'RE DEAD.

TAKE THAT CRAZY PAINTER, UH... VAN GOGH.

WORKS ALL HIS LIFE, NEVER SELLS A PAINTING.

THE DAY AFTER HE CROAKS, BING-BANG-BOOM

EVERYONE'S PULLING IN BIG DOUGH FOR HIS PICTURES.

THE POOR CLOWN GETS RICH AND FAMOUS OVERNIGHT.

THAT GAVE ME THE IDEA.

I FAKE MY OWN DEATH

MY RECORDS START SELLING LIKE VAN GOGHS.

BUT I GOT ONE UP ON HIM BECAUSE I'M NOT REALLY DEAD.

BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE MONEY

IF THEY THINK YOU'RE DEAD?

I LEFT ALL THE MONEY TO YOU

SO YOU COULD CASH MY CHECKS

AND BRING BACK THE GREEN.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR CAREER?

HOW COULD YOU JUST GIVE UP YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

WHAT LIFE? FIVE EX-WIVES, A CAREER IN THE TOILET

A HOUSE I COULD BARELY PAY FOR.

67 YEARS I PUT A LIFE TOGETHER.

AND WHAT DID IT COME TO? BUPKUS, BABY!

BUT, DINO, YOU MADE EVERYBODY THINK YOU WERE DEAD.

I MEAN, A LOT OF PEOPLE FELT REALLY SAD ABOUT IT.

IT WAS KIND OF A MEAN THING TO DO.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

IT WAS THE ONLY WAY, I HAD TO DO IT.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?

I MEAN, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GO OUT OR SEE ANYBODY.

I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.

WELL, AT LEAST I'LL HAVE THE GREEN.

'CAUSE YOU'LL BE CASHING MY CHECKS.

I'LL GIVE YOU TEN PERCENT FOR YOUR TROUBLE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ME...

DON'T BE A CHUMP.

TAKE THE MONEY AND CASH THE CHECKS.

IT'S A PERFECT PLAN.

I'LL LIVE HERE IN THE BOARDINGHOUSE

LIKE WHEN I FIRST GOT STARTED.

MY RECORDS WILL SELL LIKE HOTCAKES

AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

DINO, I THINK YOUR WHOLE PLAN IS CRAZY.

JUST TELL EVERYONE

YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, APOLOGIZE

AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

AH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE JUST A KID.

MY PLAN IS FOOLPROOF, TRUST ME.

WHAT IF THE BOARDERS HEAR YOU?

TELL THEM IT'S RATS.

NEXT THING I KNOW, IT'S GONE-- A WHOLE HOAGIE.

IT VANISHED INTO THIN AIR.

NOW TELL ME THAT'S NOT STRANGE.

YES, VERY STRANGE.

AND I AM ALWAYS HEARING NOISES, HUMMING NOISES.

IT'S VERY CREEPY.

I HEARD SOMETHING MOANING IN THE BASEMENT

SO I GOT UP MY COURAGE

AND I GOT SUZIE TO GO DOWN AND INVESTIGATE.

BUT WHEN SHE WENT DOWN THERE

IT WAS GONE.

MAYBE IT'S... RATS?

THERE'S NO RATS IN THE BOARDINGHOUSE... EXCEPT OSKAR.

THAT'S RIGHT, THERE'S NOT RAT...HEY!

Arnold: BUT DINO...

THEY'RE STARTING TO GET SUSPICIOUS.

THEY'VE HEARD NOISES...

OKAY, RELAX. FROM NOW ON, I'LL BE EXTRA CAREFUL.

QUIET AS A MOUSE, I PROMISE.

TRUST ME, NOBODY'S EVER GOING TO KNOW I'M HERE.

♪ BA BA BA BA ♪

♪ BA BA DI DA DO ♪

♪ BA DO DO DO DO DO DO, COCKADOODLE DO... ♪

WHO'S IN THE SHOWER?!

I TOLD YOU SOMETHING FUNNY'S GOING ON.

♪ BA DA... ♪

LOOKS LIKE THE JIG'S UP, KID.

YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS, ARNOLD?

( sighs ) YEAH...

I KNEW ABOUT IT, MR. POTTS.

HOW LONG DID YOU THINK YOU COULD KEEP IT FROM US?

I MEAN, IF THE GHOST OF DINO SPUMONI

IS HAUNTING OUR OWN HOUSE

THAT'S SOMETHING YOU TELL PEOPLE.

GHOST?

THAT'S RIGHT!

DINO'S GHOST.

UH, THAT'S RIGHT, I'M A GHOST.

THE, UH, GHOST OF DINO SPUMONI

NOW THAT I'M A GHOST, I'M LIVING HERE NOW.

AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT

YOUSE CAN ALL JUST LUMP IT, CAPISCE?

WE CAPISCE!

Arnold: THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

THEY THINK YOU'RE A GHOST?

I KNOW, IT'S PERFECT.

I'M A GHOST-- I CAN COME AND GO ANY TIME I FEEL LIKE IT.

I CAN PLAY MUSIC, WRITE SONGS

AND MAKE AS MUCH NOISE AS I WANT

WITHOUT ANYBODY BOTHERING ME.

BUT IT'S ALL A LIE.

YOU'RE JUST PRETENDING.

WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT OF HIDING

AND LET EVERYBODY KNOW YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?

WHAT ARE YOU, A MAMMALUCCO?

I GOT A GOOD THING GOING.

WHAT COULD BE MORE PERFECT?

( piano playing )

Dino: ♪ DOOBY-DOOBY-DOO-WOP... ♪ AW, CRIPES.

THE GHOST OF DINO IS ANGRY.

WE MUST OFFER HIM A BIG FISH

TO MAKE HIM NOT SO ANGRY.

HIS STOMACH WILL BE FULL AND HE WILL GO AWAY.

THAT'S THE STUPIDEST IDEA I EVER HEARD.

LET'S DO IT.

WITH THIS OFFERING OF FISH, I PRAY

THAT THE GHOST OF DINO WILL FIND PEACE AND GO TO A BETTER PLACE

AND WE WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY HIS ANGRY WRATH.

( gasps )

BOO.

( screaming )

( doors slamming )

THIS IS JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS WHEN I WAS STARTING OUT

WRITING SONGS FOR THE FUN OF IT.

I WAS LIVING HERE IN THE BOARDINGHOUSE.

I'D WORK ALL DAY AT MY CONSTRUCTION JOB

COME HOME, IRON MY ONE GOOD SHIRT, POLISH MY SHOES

PUT ON MY SECOND-HAND SUIT

GO DOWN AND PLAY LATE-NIGHT CLUBS FOR PEANUTS.

SOUNDS GREAT.

GET A LOAD OF THIS.

IT'S BRAND NEW.

♪ BA-BA-BA-DUM ♪

♪ OH, WHEN THE DUST CLEARS ♪

♪ I'M NOT THE ONE, BA-BA-DA-DUM ♪

♪ I TOOK MY SHARE OF LUMPS ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA-BA-DA-BA ♪

♪ BUT I'M STILL STANDING ♪

♪ BA-BA-DA-BUM. ♪

THE WORDS ARE SCREWY BUT THE MELODY SWINGS.

I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY IT AT THE PALACE.

YEAH, THAT WOULD BE NICE... EXCEPT YOU CAN'T.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD.

OH, YEAH, I FORGOT.

I GUESS NOBODY WILL EVER HEAR THESE SONGS.

AH, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

NOBODY WANTED TO HEAR MY SONGS WHEN I WAS ALIVE.

WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO HEAR THEM NOW?

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, KID.

GRANDPA, CAN I TALK TO YOU?

I DON'T KNOW, CAN YOU?

IT'S ABOUT DINO.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL

BUT THE TRUTH IS, DINO'S NOT REALLY A GHOST.

OH, I KNOW.

YOU KNOW?

OF COURSE.

I MAY BE FEEBLE-MINDED, BUT I'M NOT STUPID.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

GHOSTS DON'T TAKE SHOWERS.

THEY TAKE BATHS. ( laughs )

SO IT'S OKAY IF DINO'S IN THE BOARDINGHOUSE?

DINO'S IN THE BOARDINGHOUSE?

GOOD GRAVY! WE...( laughs )

I'M KIDDING.

ARNOLD, THESE ARE THE JOKES.

HE'S PRETENDING TO BE DEAD

BECAUSE HE THINKS NOBODY CARES ABOUT HIM OR HIS MUSIC ANYMORE.

I TOLD HIM IT WAS CRAZY

BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.

THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT!

HE'S ACTING LIKE A BIG BABY.

BUT DON'T WORRY, HE JUST NEEDS TIME TO WORK OUT HIS PROBLEMS.

HE'LL COME AROUND.

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, FOR A NINE-YEAR-OLD

YOU SURE LIKE TAKING ON THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD.

YOU OUGHT TO BE OUT PLAYING.

WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY SOME STICKBALL

OR GO SEE A MOVIE?

GRANDPA, IT'S 2:00 IN THE MORNING.

THERE'S ALWAYS A DOWN SIDE WITH YOU, ISN'T THERE?

( bell ringing )

Rhonda: IT'S SIMPLY THE HEIGHT

OF MUST-DO.

ARNOLD, HAVE YOU HEARD?

IT'S ONLY THE HOTTEST TICKET IN TOWN.

EVERYONE WHO'S ANYONE IS GOING.

Dino: "DINOMANIA, NOT THE REAL DINO BUT AN INCREDIBLE SIMULATION.

"YOUNGER AND BETTER-LOOKING THAN THE ORIGINAL.

NOW PLAYING AT THE ROXY."

WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP.

HE'S GETTING REALLY BIG.

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GOING.

HE PLAYS YOUR OLD SONGS

AND DRESSES AND ACTS LIKE YOU.

HE'S SELLING OUT CONCERTS AND MAKING RECORDS.

LET HIM TRY. DINOMANIA...

I KNOW THAT BUM-- HE'S A TWO-BIT WEDDING SINGER.

IT WILL NEVER LAST. THE PUBLIC WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, TRUST ME.

EVERYBODY! I BOUGHT TICKETS FOR DINOMANIA! MY TREAT!

HEY, GREAT! I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THAT.

SHH! DON'T TELL THE GHOST.

Announcer: Not Dino, but an incredible simulation! Dinomania!

You'll get all the hits, including "Smashed..."

THAT PUNK! WHERE DOES HE GET OFF DOING MY ACT?

Ray Doppel, the star of Dinomania

has become an overnight sensation

selling out concert halls

making television appearances

and hit records featuring cover versions of Dino Spumoni songs.

He takes his new role so seriously

that he prefers to be called Dino, even when he's not performing.

Call me Dino.

Reporter: Amazingly, the new Dino

has even started dating the old Dino's most recent ex-wife, Candy Maldonado Spumoni.

He's an incredible stimulation.

HE'S GOING OUT WITH CANDY... HE'S IN MY HOUSE... HE'S WEARING MY APRON!

HE'S PLAYING WITH MY DOG!

Call me Dino.

THAT'S IT!

WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

WHAT CAN I DO, I'M DEAD, REMEMBER?

I'M HISTORY, A HAS-BEEN, A GHOST!

YOU COULD COME BACK IF YOU WANTED TO.

WHAT FOR? I GOT A GOOD THING GOING. WHY MESS IT UP?

YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE ROOM IN A BOARDINGHOUSE.

THE ONLY PERSON WHO DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE EITHER DEAD OR A GHOST IS ME.

LIKE I SAID, I GOT A GOOD THING GOING.

YOU SAID YOUR OLD LIFE WAS SO BAD

BUT NOW THAT SOMEBODY ELSE IS LIVING IT FOR YOU

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE JEALOUS.

JEALOUS? YOU'RE CRAZY.

WAS YOUR LIFE REALLY THAT BAD

THAT YOU'RE WILLING TO JUST

GIVE IT ALL UP?

THE PALACE, AND STEP ON IT.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE THAT GENTLEMAN DINO SPUMONI

WHO KICKED THE BUCKET.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

EXCUSE ME, SIR, WHERE'S YOUR TICKET?

I DON'T NEED A TICKET. SEE, I'M...

I KNOW, YOU'RE DINO SPUMONI.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WANT TO PRETEND

YOU'RE DINO SPUMONI, OKAY

BUT YOU GOT TO HAVE A TICKET.

OH, NO, SEE, I'M THE REAL DINO...

GET IN LINE WITH THE OTHER ONES.

WHAT OTHER ONES?

( cheering )

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

I'M DINO SPUMONI

AND I WANT TO WELCOME EVERYBODY

TO MY LITTLE SHINDIG.

YOU KNOW, IN ALL MY YEARS AS DINO SPUMONI

THE ONE THING THAT'S MEANT THE MOST TO ME IS THE LOVE I FEEL FROM MY FANS.

THE WAY YOU'VE ALWAYS ACCEPTED AND EMBRACED ME, DINO SPUMONI

WELL, I GOT TO TELL YOU, IT JUST KNOCKS ME OUT.

( cheering )

IN FACT, IF YOU TOOK ALL THE LOVE THERE IS IN THIS ROOM AND PUT IT IN A ROCKET SHIP

IT COULD FLY AROUND THE MOON AND ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE SOLAR SYSTEM.

OH, BROTHER, IF DINO WERE ALIVE TO SEE THIS CLOWN, HE'D GO CRAZY.

DINO, YOU... YOU BIG JERK.

( tearfully ): OH, I MISS YOU, BUDDY.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?!

SHH!

SORRY.

HERE'S A LITTLE NUMBER

THAT I, DINO SPUMONI, HAVE BEEN SINGING FOR YEARS.

( playing intro... )

♪ YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH MY GAL ♪

♪ OR I'LL POP YOU IN THE KISSER, PAL ♪

♪ YOU BETTER NOT EVEN TRY ♪

♪ OR YOU'LL BE LOOKING AT A BIG BLACK EYE ♪

♪ SO LISTEN GOOD, YOU STUPID HOOD ♪

♪ I'LL GIVE YOU TILL THE COUNT OF TEN ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'RE NOT GONE BY THE CRACK OF DAWN ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER EAT SOLID FOOD AGAIN ♪

♪ YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH MY CHICK ♪

♪ OR I'LL BEAT YOU WITH A BIG FAT STICK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER NOT NOSE AROUND ♪

♪ OR I'LL BOP YOU LIKE A POP-UP CLOWN ♪

♪ SO GET THIS STRAIGHT, YOU RETROBATE ♪

♪ I'LL GIVE YOU TILL THE COUNT OF TEN ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'RE NOT GONE... ♪

( cracking, creaking )

( yells )

♪ ...BETTER BEAT YOUR FEET ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER EAT ♪

♪ SOLID FOO... ♪

( all gasp )

DINO?

( screams )

YOU STOLE MY ACT, YOU TWO-BIT PUNK!

WHAT DO THINK YOU'RE DOING?

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE...

YOU'RE DEAD... AND THIS IS MY CONCERT.

I'M DINO NOW.

IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU FAKE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE

FOR THE DISTURBANCE.

UH, THE THING IS...

I'M DINO SPUMONI...

THE REAL DINO.

NOT AN IMPERSONATOR

NOT A SIMULATION, NOT A GHOST.

HEY, OSKAR, HE'S NOT DEAD!

I WANT MY TWO BUCKS BACK!

I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S KIND OF A SHOCK

AND I WANT YOUSE ALL TO KNOW I'M REAL SORRY

ABOUT THAT WHOLE "I'M DEAD" THING.

IT WAS A COCKAMAMIE PLAN I HAD THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

IT TOOK A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE

A KID NAMED ARNOLD, TO MAKE ME SEE

HOW STUPID I WAS TO THROW AWAY A LIFE AND CAREER

JUST BECAUSE I WAS GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.

ANYWAY, THAT'S ALL OVER AND I'M BACK...

THAT IS, IF ANYONE STILL WANTS ME BACK

AFTER WHAT I DID.

( audience murmuring )

( one person applauding )

( applause builds... )

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELL, YOUSE ALL CAME TO SEE A SHOW

AND SEEING AS HOW I JUST K.O.'d THE HEADLINER

MAYBE I COULD FILL IN.

I MEAN, I MAY NOT BE DINOMANIA

BUT I AM AN INCREDIBLE SIMULATION.

THIS HERE'S A NEW SONG

ABOUT THE OLD DAYS.

DAYS WHEN I WAS JUST STARTING OUT.

THE DAYS BEFORE I SOLD OUT

AND BECAME A BIG FAT JOKE.

THE DAYS WHEN I USED TO REALLY SWING.

TONY, GIVE ME A "C" AND STICK WITH ME, BABY, BECAUSE WE'RE GOING PLACES.

♪ ROUND ONE, I WAS STRONG ♪

♪ THIS RIGHT, NEVER WRONG ♪

♪ OH, I WAS THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER ♪

♪ ROUND FIVE, IN A CRUNCH, SLIPPED A JAB, TOOK A PUNCH ♪

♪ BUT I NEVER BOWED TO THOSE PRETENDERS... ♪

( cheering )

♪ DON'T COUNT ME OUT ♪

( cheering )

♪ DON'T COUNT ME OUT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WHEN THE DUST CLEARS ♪

♪ IT WON'T BE ME THEY'RE DRAGGING OUT... POW! ♪

♪ I TOOK MY SHARE OF LUMPS FROM ALL THOSE LOUSY TWO-BIT CHUMPS ♪

♪ BUT I'M STILL STANDING ♪

♪ DON'T COUNT ME OUT. ♪

( cheering and applause )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]