Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL-HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

Arnold: LOOK, LILA, EVIL TWIN II.

WE COULD GO SATURDAY.

GOSH, I DON'T THINK SO, ARNOLD.

I REALLY DON'T LIKE SCARY MOVIES.

OKAY THEN, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE--

THE ENCHANTED BUNNIES OF HAPPY FOREST?

IT DOESN'T LOOK SCARY.

YOU'RE RIGHT, ARNOLD, IT LOOKS SWEET

JUST EVER SO SWEET.

I'D RATHER WE DIDN'T SEE IT.

HOW COME, LILA?

YOU LOVE THAT KIND OF MOVIE.

WELL, YES, JUST EVER SO MUCH.

THEN WHY WON'T YOU SEE IT?

OH, IT'S NOT THE MOVIE, ARNOLD

IT'S... WELL, TO BE JUST PERFECTLY HONEST, IT'S YOU.

OH, DON'T GET ME WRONG, ARNOLD

YOU AND I ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS

BUT, AS I'VE TOLD YOU, OH, SO MANY TIMES

I JUST DON'T LIKE-YOU LIKE YOU.

AND GOING TO A MOVIE TOGETHER

SOUNDS KIND OF LIKE A DATE.

YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?

ACTUALLY, LILA, I'M NOT SURE I DO.

YOU AND I GET ALONG SO GREAT

AND WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.

I REALLY DON'T GET WHY YOU DON'T LIKE-ME LIKE ME.

GOSH, ARNOLD, I SUPPOSE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST NOT

THAT OH-SO-SPECIAL SOMEONE I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

THAT'S ALL.

OH...

I'M EVER SO SORRY.

ANYWAY, I'M CERTAIN

I OUGHT TO BE GETTING HOME NOW.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER, ARNOLD.

SEE YOU, LILA.

HUH, ARNOLD SPURNED ONCE AGAIN BY LILA--

THE UNDESERVING OBJECT

OF HIS MOST STUPID BOYHOOD AFFECTIONS.

AND YET, HERE I STAND

PATHETICALLY LURKING IN THE SHADOWS

BUSTING WITH DESIRE FOR MY BELOVED

ONLY TOO TIMID AND SHY TO TELL HIM HOW I FEEL.

OH, ARNOLD...

WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED "LOVE?"

WHAT IS THIS CRAZY, LITTLE EMOTION

THAT MAKES OUR STOMACHS CHURN ALL TOPSY-TURVY

OUR KNEES BUCKLE

WHAT IS THIS WACKY FEELING

THAT MAKES US FEEL ATTRACTION FOR ONE PERSON

AND TOTAL REPULSION FOR ANOTHER?

Arnold: HELGA?

ARNOLD!

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

UH... NO ONE, FOOTBALL-HEAD

I WASN'T TALKING TO ANYONE.

I-I WAS SINGING, SINGING A SONG.

NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.

WOMEN.

OH, ARNOLD, WHERE IN THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ALL DAY.

I WAS IN SCHOOL, GRANDPA.

SCHOOL?

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT SCHOOL

WHEN YOU KNEW DARN WELL

YOUR COUSIN ARNIE WAS COMING TODAY

FOR HIS FOUR-WEEK VISIT?

SORRY, GRANDPA, I TOTALLY FORGOT.

THANKS TO YOU

I HAD TO SPEND THE WHOLE DAY WITH THE WEIRDO.

ARNIE, ARE YOU IN THERE?

IT'S ME, ARNOLD.

( flushing )

HEY, ARNIE.

HEY.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?

I'VE BEEN READING THE INGREDIENTS

ON THE SHAMPOO BOTTLE.

THAT'S REALLY... INTERESTING.

YEAH.

WAS IT GOOD FLIGHT?

YEAH, I READ THE INGREDIENTS

ON THE BACK OF THIS LITTLE BAG OF PEANUTS.

( slurping )

Ernie: SO, ARNIE...

WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?

YOU KNOW, WHAT ARE YOU INTO?

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

I LIKE TO COUNT THINGS.

COUNT THINGS.

SUZIE, WHAT KIND OF STUPID ANSWER IS THAT?

WHAT? HE'S AN IDIOT.

HE IS NOT AN IDIOT, HE'S JUST A LITTLE SHY.

WHAT ELSE ARE YOU INTERESTED IN, ARNIE?

GUM... ( snorts ) PLAIN-FLAVORED GUM.

OKAY, SO MAYBE HE IS A LITTLE SLOW.

WHAT A LOSER.

OH, HE'S SO UGLY.

I CANNOT LOOK AT HIM!

IT'S AMAZIN', ARNOLD.

HE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU ONLY HE'S A LOT UGLIER

AND HE TALKS KIND OF LIKE YOU, ONLY HE'S A LOT DUMBER.

I HATE TO SAY IT

BUT, TO TELL THE PLAIN TRUTH

YOU'RE COUSIN'S DULL AS DIRT.

I KNOW, STINKY, BUT HE'S FAMILY.

SO, I'D APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU COULD BE NICE TO HIM

AND JUST TRY TO LIKE HIM.

I COLLECT LINT.

I SAVED THIS FROM MY BROWN CORDUROYS LAST SUMMER.

DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH IT?

OH, NADINE, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME.

WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE

FOR THAT... THAT THING WE HAVE TO DO.

HURRY, NADINE, HURRY!

OH, MAN, WHAT A DWEEB.

WELL, OKAY, ARNOLD I'LL BE NICE TO HIM

AND I'LL EVEN TRY TO LIKE HIM.

BUT IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE

ANYBODY COULD DEEP DOWN AND TRULY LIKE

SOMEONE LIKE YOUR POOR, SORRY, COUSIN ARNIE.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

HI...

( snorts ) HEY.

Grandpa: HOW ABOUT THAT, SHORT MAN

THE LITTLE DWEEB'S GOT SOME PLANS.

Arnold: YEAH, LOOKS LIKE I'M ON MY OWN TONIGHT.

I'LL GO SEE A MOVIE.

"POLYSORBATE-80, MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE

YELLOW DYE NUMBER FIVE, CAROTENE..."

GOSH, ARNIE, IT'S JUST EVER SO IMPRESSIVE

THE WAY YOU READ ALL THOSE BIG WORDS.

I'M GOING TO GO GET SOME POPCORN.

LILA?

HELLO, ARNOLD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T LIKE SCARY MOVIES.

WELL, I'M CERTAIN I DON'T.

THIS IS EVIL TWIN II.

OH...

WELL, GOSH...

HEY.

UM, LILA, CAN I TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE?

LILA, I APPRECIATE YOU BEING NICE

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HANG AROUND WITH MY COUSIN

JUST BECAUSE YOU BAD FOR HIM.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH ARNIE

JUST BECAUSE HE'S WEIRD.

ARNOLD, I'M AFRAID YOU'VE GOT IT, OH, SO WRONG.

I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR ARNIE

AND I'M CERTAIN I DON'T THINK HE'S WEIRD.

AS A MATTER OF FACT

I'VE FALLEN MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM.

WHAT?!

I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM.

HE'S THE BOY OF MY DREAMS.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT:

YOU DON'T LIKE ME BUT YOU LIKE ARNIE.

WELL, YES.

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLE PREFER HIM TO ME?

GOSH, ARNOLD, I SUPPOSE IT'S JUST BECAUSE ARNIE HAS

THAT, OH, SO SPECIAL SOMETHING.

( screams )

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY MOVIE.

( Lila giggling )

( sighs )

OH...

( giggling )

I STILL CAN'T UNDERSTAND

HOW LILA COULD PREFER

YOUR PLAIN, HOMELY, DULL-AS-DIRT COUSIN ARNIE

OVER YOU, ARNOLD.

I MEAN, YOU'RE NO DAPPER DAN

BUT YOU SURE ARE BETTER LOOKING

AND YOU'RE SURE A LOT MORE FUN TO TALK TO.

BUT SHE JUST LIKES HIM BETTER.

LOOK AT HER GLOW.

STINKY... SHUT UP.

WHAT DID I SAY?

HEY, FOOTBALL-HEAD, HOW'S IT GOING?

Helga: STILL UPSET?

HOW CAN SHE PREFER HIM TO ME?

MAYBE HE'S JUST GOT

THAT CERTAIN SPECIAL SOMETHING

SHE'S LOOKING FOR.

COME ON, HELGA, THE GUY COLLECTS LINT.

I CAN'T STAND LOOKING AT THEM ANYMORE.

IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!

IF YOU WANT TO GET LILA TO STOP LIKING ARNIE

JUST PRETEND YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER GIRL.

THAT WAY, LILA WILL BE JEALOUS

AND COME CRAWLING BACK TO YOU.

OH, COME ON, THAT WON'T WORK.

THIS JUST IN, ARNOLD:

GIRLS DON'T LIKE YOU

IF THEY KNOW YOU LIKE THEM.

THEY DON'T?

NO, GIRLS LIKE YOU

IF THEY THINK YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.

SO IF LILA THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL GOOFY

OVER SOME OTHER GIRL

SHE'D DUMP ARNIE AND FALL RIGHT BACK IN YOUR LAP.

WOULD IT WORK?

TRUST ME.

OKAY, WHO CAN I GET?

I DON'T KNOW, THERE MUST BE SOMEONE AROUND.

PHOEBE?

OH, ARNOLD, PLEASE.

NO ONE'S EVER GOING TO BE JEALOUS OF PHOEBE.

SHEENA?

TOO GEEKY.

RHONDA?

LIKE RHONDA LLOYD

WOULD EVER PRETEND TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

ME?

TALK ABOUT A CRAZY IDEA.

BUT WHAT, THE HEY, I'M IN A GOOD MOOD.

I GUESS I COULD HELP YOU OUT.

DON'T SAY I NEVER DID YOU ANY FAVORS, ARNOLDO.

( quavers )

Helga: ALL RIGHT, ROMEO

YOU SIT BEHIND ME AND START BRUSHING.

WHEN THEY ROUND THE CORNER

SHE'LL SEE US AND INSTANTLY GO GREEN WITH ENVY.

YOU WANT ME TO BRUSH YOUR HAIR TO MAKE LILA JEALOUS?

DID I STUTTER, LOVERBOY?

HAVE A SEAT AND GET TO IT

BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT HELPING YOU.

HERE THEY COME.

( class bell rings )

SHOW TIME!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO ACTUALLY DO THIS.

( Helga laughs )

OH, ARNOLD, THAT TICKLES.

OOPS, EXCUSE US.

Arnold: NO WAY.

I DRAW THE LINE.

OH, COME ON, FOOTBALL-HEAD, IT'S A GREAT IDEA.

BESIDES, THEY'RE LOOKING OVER HERE RIGHT NOW.

GOSH, ARNOLD SURE IS SPENDING

A LOT OF TIME WITH HELGA LATELY.

YEAH.

LOOK, I GOT YOU A PRESENT.

HERE, I'LL OPEN IT FOR YOU.

IT'S FRENCH.

I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE READING

THE INGREDIENTS IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.

THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

GOSH, ARNIE, WHATEVER COULD IT BE?

HEY.

HEY, ARNIE

COULD I TALK TO HELGA ALONE?

SURE.

I BROKE UP WITH LILA.

YOU BROKE UP WITH LILA!

WHY?

THE THING IS

I REALIZED I HAVE OTHER FEELINGS.

WHAT KIND OF FEELINGS?

HE DUMPED YOU?!

ARNIE... DUMPED YOU?

UH-HUH.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO, ARNOLD, I'M EVER SO SERIOUS.

ARNIE, YOU'RE TALKING IN CIRCLES.

SPIT IT OUT!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

I LOVE YOU.

EXCUSE ME?

I'M REALLY SORRY, LILA.

I'M SURE I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

AFTER ALL, WE GOT ALONG SO GREAT.

WE HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER

AND EVER SO MUCH IN COMMON.

WELL, MAYBE HE JUST WASN'T THAT OH, SO SPECIAL SOMEONE

YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

YEAH, MAYBE.

ANYWAY, ARNOLD, THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH

FOR COMFORTING ME.

ANYTIME, LILA.

NOW, COULD I ASK YOU A FAVOR?

SURE, LILA.

COULD YOU TAKE YOUR HAND OFF MY SHOULDER?

AS I'VE TOLD YOU OVER AND OVER

I DON'T LIKE-YOU LIKE YOU

I JUST LIKE YOU.

I WANT US TO SHARE EVERY WAKING MOMENT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MYSELF:

I LIKE GUM AND I LIKE COUNTING THINGS

BUT MOST OF ALL, I LIKE GUM.

I ALSO LIKE READING THE INGREDIENTS ON FOOD PACKAGES.

IT'S KIND OF MY HOBBY.

Oskar: SUZIE, MAKE ME A SANDWICH.

IN A MINUTE, OSKAR.

I'M IRONING YOUR PANTS.

WHY CAN'T YOU DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME?

OH, OSKAR.

WHAT?

YOU KNOW

HOW MUCH I HAVE TO DO.

CAN'T YOU HELP OUT?

MY COUSIN NANCY'S COMING

ANY MINUTE WITH HER BABY.

I JUST WANT A SANDWICH.

WHEN NANCY GETS HERE

I WANT TO KNOW THAT I CAN COUNT ON YOUR HELP.

THE BABY WILL BE A LOT OF WORK, YOU KNOW.

COME ON, SUZIE, MAKE ME A SANDWICH.

( knock at door )

HERE WE ARE.

OOH, LOOK AT YOU, "PRECIOUMS."

YOU'RE SUCH A BIG BOY, AREN'T YOU?

( gurgles )

I'VE GOT EVERYTHING YOU'LL NEED:

TWO-DAY SUPPLY OF DIAPERS

PACIFIERS, BABY WIPES

BABY POWDER, BOTTLES

AND OSKAR'S FAVORITE RATTLE.

SUZIE, WHERE'S MY SANDWICH?

YOU KNOW, WE NAMED BABY OSKAR

BEFORE WE REALLY KNEW YOUR OSKAR.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU IN TWO DAYS.

THANKS SO MUCH, SUZE.

YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.

IT'LL BE FUN

HAVING A BABY AROUND THE BOARDING HOUSE.

YEAH, SURE, AS LONG AS HE STAYS OUT OF MY WAY.

( giggling )

( sweetly ): OSKAR!

OSKAR!

WHAT?!

I WAS TALKING TO THE BABY.

( groans )

SUZIE, I'M HUNGRY.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH.

I CAN'T-- I HAVE TO BATHE THE BABY.

WHAT FOR? IT'S NOT GOING ANYPLACE.

OH, OSKAR.

WHAT?!

ALL I WANT IS A SANDWICH.

AS LONG AS THE BABY IS HERE

HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO COME FIRST.

BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?

( groans )

( playing saxophone )

( baby crying )

( toots loudly )

( cries harder )

OSKAR! PLEASE!

WHAT?

I HAVE TO PRACTICE.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THIS HOUSE.

YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

( baby crying )

SUZIE, IT'S CRYING AGAIN.

THEN PICK HIM UP AND HOLD HIM FOR A MINUTE.

I'M NOT GOING TO PICK IT UP, IT SMELLS.

HE PROBABLY NEEDS

A NEW DIAPER.

CAN YOU JUST...

COME ON, SUZIE, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

THERE IS NOTHING DISGUSTING ABOUT IT.

IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL.

AND STOP CALLING HIM "IT."

HE'S NOT AN "IT," HE'S A "HE"

AND HIS NAME IS OSKAR.

THAT'S ANOTHER THING-- HE TOOK MY NAME

AND NOW EVERY TIME YOU SAY, "OSKAR"

I THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO ME

BUT IT'S ALWAYS THAT LITTLE BRAT.

( cooing )

GET YOUR OWN!

( Oskar snoring )

( snoring )

( shivering )

( baby crying )

( crying )

OSKAR!

( baby crying )

SUZIE, WHERE'S MY BREAKFAST?

I'M SORRY, OSKAR, I'LL GET IT IN A MINUTE.

BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW.

I'M FEEDING THE BABY RIGHT NOW.

WHY CAN'T YOU FEED HIM LATER?

I'M YOUR HUSBAND.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

OSKAR, PLEASE, YOU'RE A GROWN MAN

AND HE'S JUST A BABY.

THAT'S HIS PROBLEM.

JUST STOP BEING SO RIDICULOUS.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP?

I'LL DO IT TOMORROW.

TOMORROW! THAT'S ALL I EVER HEAR FROM YOU.

TOMORROW'S A GOOD DAY.

SURE IT'S A GOOD DAY

FOR YOU.

TOMORROW'S A GRAND DAY FOR YOU

BECAUSE TOMORROW'S THE DAY

YOU'LL GET A GOOD JOB

YOU'LL PAY THE BILLS.

AND YOU'LL GROW UP

AND START ACTING RESPONSIBLE.

BUT TOMORROW NEVER COMES FOR YOU, DOES IT, OSKAR

BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS SO CONVENIENTLY A DAY AWAY.

RIGHT, IT'S ALWAYS A DAY AWAY

JUST LIKE THAT SONG THE LITTLE ORPHAN GIRL SINGS.

WHAT ABOUT TODAY, OSKAR?

AND WHAT ABOUT YESTERDAY?

WHEN I NEEDED YOUR HELP

YOU JUST LOAFED AROUND THE HOUSE.

WHEN I WAS TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF THE CLEANING

AND THE BILLS AND THE BABY

YOU ASKED ME TO MAKE YOU A SANDWICH.

AND YOU NEVER DID.

BECAUSE I WAS BUSY!

YOU EXPECT EVERYONE ELSE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.

OH, COME ON, I DON'T EXPECT

EVERYONE ELSE TO TAKE CARE OF ME--

JUST YOU.

OH, OSKAR!

( phone rings )

HELLO?

OH, MR. BUDNICK, HELLO!

RIGHT NOW?

WELL, INVENTORY?

YES, BUT I HAVE TO...

TIME AND A HALF?

WELL... I'LL BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES.

OSKAR?

OH, ARE YOU TALKING TO ME OR THAT RUGRAT?

NOW, LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY.

I HAVE TO GO TO WORK FOR A FEW HOURS.

I WOULD HAVE SAID NO, BUT WE REALLY NEED THE MONEY

SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY.

COME ON, SUZIE.

CAN'T YOU TAKE IT TO WORK?

I CAN'T TAKE A BABY

TO THE DEPARTMENT STORE WITH ME.

IT'S ONLY FOR A FEW HOURS.

HE'LL PROBABLY SLEEP MOST OF THE TIME.

NANCY'S INSTRUCTIONS ARE ON THE TABLE

AND YOU CAN CALL ME.

BUT, SUZIE...

JUST DO THIS FOR ME, PLEASE.

( baby vomits )

SUZIE!

HEY, MR. KOKOSHKA.

OH, ARNOLD.

HOW'S MY LITTLE BUDDY?

( chuckles )

Arnold: THE THING IS

I HAVE TO GO TO THE SCIENCE FAIR TONIGHT.

BUT, ARNOLD, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BABIES.

AND SUZIE LEFT ME ALL ALONE WITH IT.

PLEASE HELP ME.

( gurgling )

Man: HELLO, OSKAR, YOU OLD GOAT.

Man 2: READY TO PLAY CARDS?

( laughs )

MR. KOKOSHKA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S MY DAILY CARD GAME.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABY?

OH, DON'T WORRY, IT WON'T BOTHER US.

Oskar: OKAY, WHO'S READY TO LOSE SOME MONEY?

THAT'S 20 TO YOU, OSKAR.

OKAY, I SEE YOUR 20...

AND I RAISE YOU 30 MORE.

BUT, OSKAR, YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CHIPS HERE.

Oskar: NO PROBLEM.

I BET THE BABY.

MR. KOKOSHKA!

YOU CAN'T BET THE BABY.

CAN HE?

WHY CAN'T I?

IT'S GOT TO BE WORTH SOMETHING.

YOU CAN SELL IT TO AN ORPHANAGE.

THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT.

I CAN'T PLAY POKER WITH A BABY CRYING AND FUSSING ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, AND IT SMELLS-- P.U.!

WE'LL SEE YOU.

OH, COME ON, GUYS

I CAN PUT THE BABY IN THE HALLWAY.

JUST A FEW MORE HANDS.

( baby crying )

A ROYAL FLUSH!

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

( screams )

WE HAVE TO DO IT, MR. KOKOSHKA.

IF WE DON'T, HE'S JUST GOING TO KEEP CRYING.

( diaper tape opens )

( Oskar crashes to floor )

( baby pooping )

( swoons )

( baby crying )

Oskar: I WOULD HAVE HELPED

BUT I WAS STILL DIZZY.

IT WAS HORRIBLE, WASN'T IT?

LOOK, IT'S ALMOST 7:00.

I REALLY HAVE TO GO.

BUT, ARNOLD, PLEASE.

HOW CAN YOU JUST ABANDON THE BABY LIKE THIS?

I HAVE TO GO, MR. KOKOSHKA.

I CAN'T MISS THE SCIENCE FAIR.

AND BESIDES

HE'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

BUT, ARNOLD, I CAN'T BE ALONE WITH IT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY.

SUZIE SHOULD BE HOME SOON.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?

YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

EVERYONE TAKES CARE OF YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR? NOTHING.

WHAT CAN YOU DO? NOTHING.

JUST CRY AND WHINE AND MOAN

AND MAKE A MESS FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO CLEAN UP.

YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

MAYBE IT'S FUNNY FOR YOU, BUT NOT FOR ME

BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.

( giggles )

OKAY, YOU BLEW A BUBBLE.

YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

( laughs )

OKAY, SO MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE FUNNY.

BUT I STILL DON'T LIKE YOU.

HEY, LET GO.

YOU GOT A PRETTY STRONG GRIP.

( giggling )

OH, YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY, TOO, HUH?

( laughs )

( giggles )

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU LIKE CAT CHOW IN THE FIFTH RACE?

OKAY, WE PUT TEN DOLLARS TO WIN ON CAT CHOW.

HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

ARE YOU HUNGRY AGAIN?

YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.

( hiccuping )

STOP... STOP MAKING THAT NOISE.

YOU'RE SCARING ME.

( hiccups )

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!

Oskar: TAXI!

THE BINGO TENT...

OUT OF MY WAY!

TO THE HOSPITAL-- HURRY!

( groans )

( car horns honking )

Oskar: OH, GREAT.

WHY DOES THE POPE HAVE TO BE IN TOWN TODAY?

WE'LL BE HERE FOREVER.

( baby hiccuping )

HEY, COME BACK HERE!

WAIT!

( hiccups )

( panting )

THIS HORRIBLE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN MAN...

( smack )

MY BABY'S SICK.

( Oskar groans )

IF ONLY I TOOK BETTER CARE OF HIM.

IF ONLY I WAS MORE CAREFUL.

BUT I MADE HIM SICK.

IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

I WAS RESPONSIBLE.

PLEASE LET HIM BE ALL RIGHT.

IF YOU MAKE HIM ALL RIGHT, I PROMISE FROM THIS DAY

I'LL ONLY GO TO THE RACE TRACK TWO DAYS A WEEK.

OH, AND I'M SORRY WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE POPE.

YOU...

( crash )

Man: MR. KOKOSHKA?

MR. KOKOSHKA?

BABY OSKAR IS OKAY?

A-OKAY.

HE HAD A MINOR CASE OF THE HICCUPS.

THE HICCUPS?

BABY OSKAR.

( laughs )

Nancy: THANKS SO MUCH, SUZIE.

I HOPE HE WASN'T TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

NOT AT ALL.

OSKAR AND I JUST LOVED HAVING HIM.

DIDN'T WE?

EH!

CAN YOU SAY GOOD-BYE?

SAY BYE-BYE.

SAY BYE-BYE.

GO ON.

WHAT IS IT, BABY?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

OH... OH, MY!

I THINK HE LIKES YOU.

I THINK OSKAR LIKES THE BABY, TOO, DON'T YOU?

EH, HE'S OKAY.

THANKS AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING.

OH, OSKAR.

WHAT?

I LOVE YOU.

IF YOU LOVE ME, THEN MAKE ME A SANDWICH.

OH, OSKAR!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON