Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

( kids laughing and talking )

Mr. Simmons: CLASS

I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.

TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL, WE ARE RECEIVING

A VERY SPECIAL VISITOR, MR. JOHNNY STITCHES.

THE FAMOUS FASHION DESIGNER IS SEARCHING FOR A NEW MODEL

FOR HIS JUNIOR KIDS LINE.

( gasping )

SO IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN AUDITIONING

WEAR SOMETHING SPECIAL

AND COME BY THE AUDITORIUM AFTER SCHOOL.

OH! AND SIGN THIS LIST.

( clamoring )

MODELING--

WHAT A JOKE!

HELGA, MODELING'S

ABOUT FAME AND FORTUNE-- LIFE IN THE FAST LANE.

HELLO!

MODELING IS ABOUT

STARVING YOURSELF ALL DAY

WEARING GOOFY CLOTHES AND WALKING ON A RAMP

LIKE YOU'RE IN A FREAK SHOW.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, HELGA.

IT'S A WASTE OF TIME, GERALDO.

WELL, COME ON, FEEBS--

LET'S GO THROW ROCKS IN THE RIVER.

UM, YES... WELL

FIRST I HAVE A SMALL TASK TO CARRY OUT.

OH, MAN, PHOEBE--

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

WELL, I TELL YOU ONE THING--

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE HELGA G. PATAKI ON A RUNWAY

NO STINKING WAY.

THAT'S ENOUGH, LITTLE GIRL, THANK YOU.

I'M EVER SO THANKFUL YOU TOOK THE TIME TO SEE ME.

"EVER SO THANKFUL"!

OH, THAT'S RICH AND CREAMY.

NEXT.

PERFECT...

IF YOU WERE AT A STUCK-UP, POSH LITTLE DEBUTANTE BALL.

OH! I NEVER!

WELL, NOW YOU HAVE-- GOOD-BYE.

TA-TA, AU REVOIR, CIAO, BABY.

NEXT!

MOUSY.

HAYSEED.

'70s.

HMM...

NO.

( gasps )

NEXT.

HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYBODY.

WHAT'S HE LOOKING FOR?

HE'S LOOKING FOR ONE OF THOSE DOPEY CLONE MODELS

SOME AIRHEAD THAT WALKS AROUND LIKE THIS--

( cattily ): LOOK AT ME!

I'M A MODEL.

THERE'S NO INDIVIDUALITY.

THERE'S NO PERSONALITY.

SHOW ME SOMETHING NEW.

Helga: I'M A SUPERMODEL.

I'M A SUPERDUPER MODEL.

I HAVEN'T EATEN IN FOUR WEEKS.

( kids laughing )

CAMILLE...

LOOK AT THAT WEIRD GIRL.

SHE APPEARS TO BE A BIT...

HOW YOU SAY, TOUCHED IN THE HEAD?

TOUCHED?! SHE'S BRILLIANT!

THAT PINK DRESS, THAT WHIMSICAL HAIR, THAT POWERFUL EYEBROW!

THAT'S THE GIRL I WANT.

THAT GIRL IS IT.

Johnny: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, "NO"?

NO ONE EVER REFUSES TO BE

JOHNNY STITCHES' NEW "IT GIRL."

WELL, THERE'S A FIRST TIME

FOR EVERYTHING, BUCKO.

HELGA G. PATAKI AIN'T NOBODY'S CHUMP.

YOU DO REALIZE, YOU BRATTY THING

THAT YOU'RE TURNING DOWN

FAME, GLAMOUR, CELEBRITY...

BIG DEAL.

TRIPS AROUND THE WORLD...

WHO CARES?

AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FREE STUFF.

FREE STUFF?

STUFF HANDED TO YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR.

AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS...

SIGN THIS.

Johnny: NOW, HERE'S THE GAME PLAN, HELGA.

YOU WATCH HOW CAMILLE WALKS DOWN THE RUNWAY

AND COPY HER, GOT THAT?

SMASHING.

CAMILLE?

SHOW US YOUR STUFF.

( music playing )

LET'S GO, MISS "IT GIRL."

YOUR TURN.

AND NOW, SMILE.

( laughing )

IT WAS BRILLIANT.

I LOVE IT!

SHOCKER!

WORK IT.

WORK IT.

OWN IT, BABY.

NOW GIVE ME THAT "BAD GIRL" SCOWL.

WHAT "BAD GIRL" SCOWL?

THAT "STUFF IT ALL, I HATE THE WORLD, KISS MY BUM" SCOWL!

HEY, COOL IT, TEA BAG.

IT'S BRILLIANT.

OH, THAT'S IT-- OH, YUMMY.

WORK IT, WORK IT!

SHOCKER.

RELOAD AND SHOOT MORE.

THE NEW "IT GIRL" LOOK IS MORE THAN A DRESS AND A BOW.

IT'S A SCOWLING, COMBATIVE ATTITUDE

THAT IS SWEEPING THROUGH OUR SCHOOLS, OUR CITIES--

EVEN OUR REVERED TALK SHOWS.

( gasps )

( sighs with relief )

( screaming )

OH, WE ARE JUST SO PROUD OF YOU, HELGA.

( squeals )

EVERYBODY, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

IT'S THE "IT GIRL."

YOU SCOWL, SNEER, SHAKE YOUR FIST

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD.

THEY LOVE IT, THEY LOVE IT.

OH, GIVE IT A REST, REVIS.

THE "IT GIRL" SNAPPED AT ME.

I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!

YOU'RE AMAZING, YOU'RE ASTOUNDING

YOU'RE ON A ROCKET TO THE MOON.

( wild cheering )

I SIMPLY CAN'T GET OVER IT.

I HOPE SHE'LL SIGN MY MAGAZINE.

HEY, HELGA, HOW'S IT GOING?

IT'S FINE.

IT'S ALL GOING WONDERFULLY FINE.

I SNEER AND I SCOWL AND I SHAKE MY FIST

AND ALL THOSE FASHION IDIOTS GO WILD.

IT'S RIDICULOUS.

ARE YOU HAVING ANY FUN AT ALL?

I GOT SOME FREE STUFF.

A LIFETIME PASS TO DINOLAND? NOT BAD.

ARNOLD, I'VE BEEN SNEAKING INTO DINOLAND SINCE I WAS SEVEN.

( cell phone ringing )

IT'S PROBABLY JOHNNY.

HE'S A PAIN IN THE...

CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

SHOVE OFF, TOOTS.

THE "IT GIRL" SCOWLED AT ME AND PUSHED ME.

I'LL NEVER WASH THIS ARM AGAIN.

Revis: THE "IT GIRL" SNAPPED AT ME.

I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT--

THE CUTE DRESS, THE NASTY ATTITUDE.

You're amazing, you're astounding

You're on a rocket to the moon!

( laughing ): "ROCKET TO THE MOON."

DAD, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP WATCHING THAT TAPE?

I'M JUST REAL PROUD OF YOU.

FOR WHAT?

OH, FOR DOING THAT SCOWL

AND SAYING THOSE MEAN THINGS

AND WEARING THAT PINK DRESS.

BOB, HELLO!

I'VE BEEN SCOWLING

AND SAYING MEAN THINGS

AND WEARING THIS DRESS FOR YEARS.

WELL, IT'S FINALLY PAYING OFF.

BUT I'M SICK OF THE WHOLE THING.

I HATE BEING THE "IT GIRL."

I'VE GOT NO PRIVACY--

THE PHONE NEVER STOPS RINGING

AND EVERYBODY'S DRESSING EXACTLY LIKE ME.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

NOT EVERYBODY'S DRESSING LIKE YOU.

Miriam: LOOK, EVERYBODY

I'M THE "IT GIRL."

( screaming )

Johnny: QUIT?!

YOU CAN'T QUIT.

LOOK, JOHNNY, IT'S OVER, PAL.

IT WAS GREAT BEING THE "IT GIRL"

BUT I'M OUT OF HERE.

SEE YOU AROUND.

HELGA, YOU SILLY NIT.

YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT.

DIDN'T YOU READ IT?

YOU'RE SIGNED TO ME

FOR THREE YEARS.

WHAT?

JUNIOR FASHION WEEK

BEGINS MONDAY.

I'LL PRESENT MY NEW LINE WITH YOU WEARING IT.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, I HATE YOU!

I HATE THIS STUPID OFFICE!

I HATE BEING THE "IT GIRL."

( leather creaks )

AND I HATE THOSE CREAKY LEATHER PANTS.

OOH, THAT'S BAD.

YOU'RE SO BAD.

( growls )

SEE YOU TOMORROW, "IT GIRL."

THAT LITTLE WORM.

I'M MAKE HIM WISH HE NEVER MET HELGA G. PATAKI.

HE WANTS BAD?

I'LL GIVE HIM BAD.

Fans ( yelling): "IT GIRL!" "IT GIRL!" "IT GIRL!"

"IT GIRL!" "IT GIRL!"

( fans screaming )

Fan: BEAUTIFUL, I LOVE IT.

( fans screaming )

( gasps )

( audience gasps and hushes )

( cheering )

OH, NO!

Paparazzi: HEY, "IT GIRL!"

HEY, "IT GIRL!"

OVER HERE!

OUT OF MY WAY, SHMO!

Paparazzi: HEY, WE LOVE IT!

HEY, HELGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, JUST TEARING PICTURES OF MYSELF OUT OF THIS MAGAZINE

CRUMPLING THEM UP, AND CASUALLY TOSSING THEM OVER MY SHOULDER.

AND YOU'RE DOING THIS BECAUSE...

BECAUSE BEING THE "IT GIRL" REALLY BLOWS.

BUT, HELGA, EVERYONE IN THE COUNTRY

WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU.

WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT IT?!

I'M TRAPPED.

EVERYONE'S DRESSING LIKE ME

ACTING LIKE ME, WALKING LIKE ME.

WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT?

DON'T YOU THINK I TRIED THAT?

I TRIED ACTING AS AWFUL AS I COULD SO THEY'D FIRE ME.

BUT, NO, THE WORSE I ACT, THE MORE THEY LOVE IT.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY ACTING NICE?

( fans screaming )

Commentator: HERE AT JUNIOR FASHION WEEK, YOU CAN LITERALLY FEEL

THE EXCITEMENT AND ANTICIPATION IN THE AIR.

THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S LIPS IS

WHAT WILL THE "IT GIRL" DO NEXT?

Crowd: "IT GIRL," "IT GIRL!"

AFTER EVERYONE SEES THIS NEW LINE, I'LL BE THE TOAST

OF THE FASHION WORLD.

LET'S SEE THAT BAD-GIRL STUFF.

( fans screaming )

( crowd gasps )

( crowd hushes )

WHAT IS SHE DOING?

I LOVE YOU ALL.

YOU'VE ALL BEEN SO WONDERFUL TO ME.

I JUST WANT TO HUG EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

( crowd booing )

TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

( crowd booing )

( sighs )

( snickering )

Commentator: A SHOCKER HERE

AT THE JUNIOR MISS FASHION SHOW.

JOHNNY STITCHES' "IT GIRL" SEEMS TO HAVE LOST HER "IT."

INSTEAD, THE HOT STORY

IS OVER ON RUNWAY FIVE, THE "HAT GIRL."

Crowd: "HAT GIRL"! "HAT GIRL"!

I'M RUINED, RUINED!

THE "IT GIRL" IS FIRED.

TEAR UP HER CONTRACT.

BOLLOCKS.

HEY, HELGA, LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING WORKED OUT

THE WAY YOU WANTED.

YUP, JOHNNY TORE UP MY CONTRACT.

I'M FREE AS A BIRD.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY

THAT PEOPLE COULD HATE YOU SO MUCH

JUST FOR ACTING NICE AND POLITE.

I'LL TELL YOU, FOOTBALL HEAD, IT'S A FUNNY WORLD.

PERSONALLY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GREAT.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER SAW YOU...

WELL, BEING NICE.

I LIKED IT.

YOU DID?

YEAH, WHY CAN'T YOU ACT

NICE LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME?

ARNOLD, ARNOLD, ARNOLD.

I CAN'T DO THAT.

I'M MEAN AND NASTY AND INSENSITIVE.

THAT'S JUST WHO I AM.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME SPECIAL.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, HELGA.

YOU GOT IT--

WHATEVER I SAY.

NOW, GET OUT OF MY WAY

FOOTBALL HEAD.

ARE YOU THE "HAT GIRL"?

( punch )

( crowd murmuring )

( kids talking and laughing )

( all laughing )

( phone beeping )

HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S GOING ON?

PIPE DOWN, ARNOLDO.

CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE TRYING

TO LISTEN HERE?

( phone ringing )

Man: Hello?

YEAH, UM, I WAS JUST WONDERING

IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?

( man mumbles )

IT IS?

THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT.

( all laughing )

( sniffs )

CUT IT OUT, CURLY!

COOL PHONE, SID, IS IT NEW?

NEW?

UH... SORT OF.

I BORROWED IT FROM LORENZO.

THAT WAS AWFULLY NICE OF HIM.

YEAH, PLUS WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW WON'T HURT HIM, RIGHT?

SID, YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM?

LOOK, ARNOLD, IT'S REALLY NO BIG DEAL.

CRIMINY, FOOTBALL-HEAD

COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE MORE OF A WET BLANKET?

MY TURN TO DIAL, CHAMP.

Rhonda: "DEAR CURLY

"I'VE BEEN ADMIRING YOU FROM AFAR FOR QUITE SOME TIME

"AND EVEN THOUGH I'M TOO SHY TO TELL YOU HOW I FEEL IN PERSON

"I JUST HAD TO WRITE YOU AND SAY

"THAT FRANKLY, CURLY

"WITH YOUR BOLD EYEWEAR, JAUNTY UPPER LIP

"AND ATTRACTIVE BOWL-CUT HAIRDO

"I THINK YOU'RE A TOTAL HOTTIE!

SINCERELY YOURS, YOUR SECRET ADMIRER."

( all laughing )

WAY TO GO, PRINCESS.

YOU SHOULD HAVE CURLY OFF YOUR BACK IN NO TIME.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

I'M SENDING CURLY THIS FAKE SECRET ADMIRER LETTER.

UH, RHONDA, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA.

IF CURLY THINKS SOMEONE ELSE LIKES HIM

HE'LL FORGET ME.

HE MIGHT FIND OUT IT'S YOU.

OH, ARNOLD, RELAX.

YEAH, ARNOLDO, QUIT BEING SUCH A SPOILSPORT

WOULD YOU?

HEY, GUYS, WANT TO PLAY BASEBALL?

AND MISS THIS?

GET REAL, ARNIE.

Stinky: LOOKEE DOWN HERE.

HAROLD AND I ARE PLANNING

A LITTLE MONKEYSHINE FOR EUGENE.

WHEN EUGENE GETS ON HIS BIKE FOR HIS AFTERNOON RIDE

IT'LL BE WOBBLY AND BREAK APART.

AND HE'LL FALL RIGHT OFF!

THAT'S A BAD IDEA.

EUGENE COULD GET HURT.

AW, QUIT YOUR WORRYING, ARNOLD.

IT'LL BE A HOOT.

YEAH, MR. GOODY-TWO-SHOES

MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX

AND STOP BEING SUCH A PARTY POOPER.

REALLY, ARNOLD, YOU ARE QUITE THE BUSYBODY.

YEAH, YOU'RE A REGULAR NOSEY PARKER.

Sid: WHEN IT COMES

TO MEDDLING, YOU'RE THE KING.

AND YOU'RE A KIBITZER, TOO!

WHAT THE HECK'S A KIBITZER?

IT'S YIDDISH FOR BIG, FAT BUTTINSKI.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I BET YOU COULDN'T GO A WHOLE DAY

WITHOUT BUTTING INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS.

IT WOULD DRIVE A KNOW-IT-ALL LIKE HIM CRAZY.

LOOK, YOU GUYS

IF THAT'S REALLY HOW EVERYONE FEELS

THEN FINE, I WON'T GIVE ANY MORE ADVICE.

THAT'S REALLY NO BIG DEAL.

FINALLY, NO MORE STUPID FOOTBALL-HEAD

AND HIS ANNOYING DO-GOODY BLABBY ADVICE TO SPOIL OUR GOOD TIME.

( all agreeing )

Arnold: HEY, GERALD

DO YOU AGREE WITH WHAT THEY WERE SAYING?

DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M ALWAYS GOING AROUND

BUTTING INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS?

YOU?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

OF COURSE NOT, I MEAN, THAT'S CRAZY.

IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

GERALD.

SORRY, MAN, I MEAN, TRUTH IS

YOU ARE KIND OF A BUTTINSKI.

THEN THAT SETTLES IT.

AS OF RIGHT NOW

I'M NEVER GIVING ADVICE TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN.

YOU? NEVER GIVE ADVICE AGAIN?

I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT.

Stinky: THAT OUGHT TO JUST ABOUT DO IT.

YEAH, LOOK, IT'S ALL WOBBLY JUST LIKE WE FIGURED.

( both laughing )

GUYS, WHAT'S GOING ON?

Harold: NOTHING, UH...

WE'RE JUST, UH...

STANDING HERE.

UH, YEAH, JUST INNOCENTLY CONGREGATING

AROUND OUR FAVORITE NEW HANGOUT--

THE SCHOOL BIKE RACK.

OH, BUT IF YOU'LL ALL EXCUSE ME

I THINK I'LL TAKE MY BIKE FOR A LITTLE MIDDAY SPIN.

( both laughing )

( bike clanking )

HEY, MY BIKE FEELS KIND OF FUNNY.

UH-OH.

HEY! WHOA!

WHOA!

( horns honking )

( screaming )

( crash )

( dog barking )

( Eugene screams )

Eugene: WHOA!

( grunts )

OW... I'M OKAY.

Curly: "FRANKLY, CURLY

"WITH YOUR BOLD EYEWEAR, JAUNTY UPPER LIP

"AND ATTRACTIVE BOWL-CUT HAIRDO, I THINK YOU'RE A TOTAL HOTTIE!

SINCERELY YOURS, YOUR SECRET ADMIRER."

HMM...

( blowing kiss )

( gasps )

HELLO, DENISE'S PIZZAS?

YEAH, I'D LIKE, UM...

TWO DOZEN LARGE DOUBLE-CHEESE WITH PINEAPPLE AND ANCHOVIES.

HUH?

OH, FOR DELIVERY: P.S. 118 ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CAFETERIA;

PRINCIPAL WARTZ-- W-A-R-T-Z.

ABOUT 20 MINUTES?

SOUNDS GREAT.

OW!

( phone crashes )

OH, NO!

ARNOLD, UM...

CAN I TALK TO YOU A SECOND, OLD BUDDY?

SEE, I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM...

LOOK, SID, I'M SORRY, BUT...

OH, ARNOLD!

I AM SO GLAD I FOUND YOU.

YOU HAVE JUST GOT TO HELP ME.

HAROLD AND ME IS IN A MANURE-LOAD OF TROUBLE!

AND WE NEED YOU TO GET US OUT OF IT!

LOOK, YOU GUYS

I'M SORRY YOU'RE HAVING PROBLEMS

BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T HELP?

YOU'RE ALWAYS GIVING ADVICE.

AND FIGURING OUT WHAT WE SHOULD DO

IN MOMENTS OF CRISIS.

YEAH, WELL, THAT WAS BEFORE THIS MORNING

WHEN YOU ALL AGREED THAT I WAS A BUSYBODY

AND TOLD ME TO KEEP MY NOSE

OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS.

WAS THAT WHEN I CALLED YOU

A BIG, FAT BUTTINSKI?

YEAH, HAROLD, IT WAS.

ANYWAY, YOU GUYS TOLD ME

TO STAY OUT OF THINGS

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'LL DO.

SO I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

ON OUR OWN?

NOW WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

WE'RE DOOMED!

HELGA...

HELGA, THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

YEAH!

WHY DID YOU MAKE US TELL ARNOLD TO BUTT OUT?

Stinky: OUR LIVES ARE GOING

DOWN THE COMMODE.

OH, MAN, YOU GUYS ARE PATHETIC.

DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU NEED ARNOLD AROUND

JUST TO TELL YOU

WHAT TO DO?

( all answer affirmatively )

PLEASE! I CAN GIVE ADVICE JUST AS GOOD

AS THE OLD FOOTBALL-HEAD.

PHOEBE, LINE THESE LOSERS UP OUTSIDE MY OFFICE.

I'LL STRAIGHTEN YOU MORONS OUT IN NO TIME.

SO, YOU STOLE LORENZO'S PHONE AND BROKE IT, EH?

JUST RETURN IT TO HIS LOCKER

BEFORE HE COMES BACK FROM VACATION.

HE WON'T KNOW IT WAS YOU.

LOOK, PRINCESS, IF YOU WANT CURLY OFF YOUR BACK

KEEP HIM THINKING YOU'RE HIS SECRET ADMIRER.

TELL HIM YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY WILD ABOUT HIM.

WHEN PUT ON THE SPOT, HE'LL BE TOTALLY REPULSED.

REPULSED-- GOT IT!

HERE'S THE PLAN--

BLAME THE ENTIRE EUGENE INCIDENT

ON SOME OTHER STOOGE

BEFORE HE FINDS OUT

THAT YOU DOLTS DID IT

AND FINALLY SNAPS.

BELIEVE ME, IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

( school bell rings )

OKAY, CURLY, I ADMIT IT-- I'M YOUR SECRET ADMIRER.

AND THE TRUTH IS

NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY AND FIGHT IT

I'M REALLY, REALLY WILD ABOUT YOU.

IN FACT, I'VE FALLEN CRAZY IN LOVE.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

GIVE DADDY SOME SUGAR.

( screams )

SO IT'S AGREED--

WE BLAME THE WHOLE EUGENE MISHAP

ON SOME OTHER FELLOW.

RIGHT.

HI, GUYS.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

OH, I'M JUST FINE.

THE DOCTORS SAY I SHOULD HAVE THE FEELING

BACK IN MY LEGS IN JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

UM, EUGENE, HAROLD AND I KNOW

WHO THE SHIFTY FELLOW WAS THAT TINKERED WITH YOUR BIKE.

YOU DO?

WE SURE DO.

IT WAS...

IT WAS HAROLD'S FAULT.

STINKY! IT WAS HIS FAULT!

HE DID IT!

WHAT IN THE HECK YOU BLAMING ME FOR?

THE BIKE PRANK WAS YOUR DUMB IDEA!

IT WAS NOT!

WAS, TOO!

WAS NOT!

UM, GUYS...

GUYS!

( yelling )

( crash )

Arnold: WOW, THAT LOOKED PRETTY BAD.

I SHOULD DO SOMETHING.

THAT GUY IS CONSTANTLY FALLING DOWN.

TRUST ME, HE'LL BE JUST FINE.

I KNOW.

IT'S JUST THINGS ARE KIND OF CRAZY AROUND HERE.

FIRST LORENZO WANTS TO KILL SID FOR BREAKING HIS PHONE

THEN CURLY THINKS RHONDA'S IN LOVE WITH HIM...

I DON'T KNOW, GERALD.

I JUST FEEL LIKE I SHOULD TRY AND HELP OUT.

REMEMBER WHAT HELGA SAID?

YOU COULDN'T GO AN ENTIRE DAY

WITHOUT BUTTING INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS

AND ALL THE OTHER KIDS AGREE WITH HER.

FACE IT, BUDDY

THESE PEOPLE DO NOT WANT YOU INTERFERING

IN THEIR LIVES.

YOU'RE RIGHT, GERALD.

LET'S GO.

OH, MY DISCONSOLATE BELOVED, PROMPTED BY MY RECKLESS WORDS

TO TURN YOUR BEAUTIFUL BACK ON THOSE IN NEED

FORCED BY MY LOOSE TONGUE TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY

WHEN DO-GOODY DUTY CALLS

ENCOURAGED BY MY CARELESS CHALLENGE

TO FLAGRANTLY VIOLATE THE GOOD- SAMARITAN LAWS OF OUR COUNTRY.

OH, ARNOLD, I'VE SINGLE-HANDEDLY SNUFFED OUT THE CANDLE

OF YOUR CARING LITTLE SOUL

AND INCITED CHAOS AMONG OUR HOPELESS, HAPLESS PEERS.

OH, MY DARLING, I WON'T WASTE ANOTHER MOMENT.

I'LL STOP THE MADNESS AND RIGHT THOSE TO WHOM I HAVE SO WRONGED!

Rhonda: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT HELGA

SHE'LL BE SORRY SHE WAS EVER BORN!

YEAH! THAT HELGA'S ADVICE REALLY BITES!

WHY DID I EVEN LISTEN TO HER?

IF SHE WASN'T A GIRL

I'D POUND HER!

UM, GUYS...

LET ME SMELL IT.

LET ME SMELL YOUR HAIR.

GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FOUR-EYED FREAK!

PLEASE, JUST ONE LITTLE WHIFF--

THAT'S ALL I NEED.

Arnold: SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS YOU WANT ME

TO GIVE PEOPLE ADVICE AGAIN

AND HELP THEM WITH THEIR PROBLEMS?

EXACTLY.

BUT, HELGA, I DON'T GET IT.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID I WAS A WET BLANKET, A SPOILSPORT

A PARTY POOPER.

SO, YOU ARE ALL THOSE THINGS, FOOTBALL-HEAD

AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU THE PERFECT PERSON TO GIVE ADVICE.

LOOK AT ME-- I'M TERRIBLE AT HELPING OTHERS.

I'M THE WORST!

I HAVE NO MORAL CONSCIENCE WHATSOEVER.

LOOK, ARNOLD, IF YOU WON'T DO THIS FOR ME

THEN DO IT FOR YOUR STUPID FRIENDS OUT THERE.

TRUST ME

THEY'RE A COMPLETE MESS WITHOUT YOU.

( sniffs )

Arnold: LISTEN UP.

RHONDA, TELL CURLY YOU'RE SORRY

FOR MAKING HIM THINK YOU WERE HIS SECRET ADMIRER.

NO PROBLEM.

SID, YOU CAN START

BY APOLOGIZING TO LORENZO

FOR STEALING HIS PHONE.

OKAY.

STINKY AND HAROLD, THE FIRST THING

YOU NEED TO DO IS ASK EUGENE TO FORGIVE YOU

THAT IS, IF HE CAN EVEN HEAR YOU.

Eugene: I'M OKAY.

AHH!

( sighs longingly )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON