Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

HEY, GERALD?

YOU KNOW...

YEAH?

THE CHEESE FESTIVAL'S

SATURDAY NIGHT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

WELL, I WAS THINKING MAYBE I'D GO.

AND I WAS THINKING MAYBE I'D INVITE LILA.

LILA?! ARE YOU FORGETTING

SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU-LIKE YOU

SHE JUST LIKES YOU.

BUT IF WE GO TO THE CHEESE FESTIVAL

AND WE HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER

SHE'LL START TO LIKE ME-LIKE ME.

YEAH, NOTHING BRINGS PEOPLE CLOSER TOGETHER

THAN CHEESE.

( laughing )

THAT'S IT, GERALD.

I'M GOING TO ASK HER, TOMORROW AT LUNCH.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, ARNOLD.

THERE GOES A SICK BOY.

( school bell ringing )

SO, LILA, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE CHEESE FESTIVAL WITH ME?

NO.

OH, LILA, SO SATURDAY'S THE CHEESE FESTIVAL.

YOU GOING?

( exhales and inhales deeply )

( crash )

ARNOLD!

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING

FOOTBALL HEAD!

SORRY, HELGA, I'M IN A HURRY BECAUSE...

BECAUSE WHY?

BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING

REALLY IMPORTANT THAT I HAVE TO DO.

I GOT TO GO.

ARNOLD, WHAT A DOPE, WHAT A DIMWIT.

WHAT A DELUDED, LITTLE DO-GOODY DREAMER.

HOW I DESPISE HIM.

( sighs )

AND YET, I LOVE HIM.

THE WAY HE'S ALWAYS THINKING OF OTHERS BEFORE HIMSELF;

THE WAY HE CARES SO DEEPLY;

THE WAY THOSE ADORABLY UNRULY YELLOW TUFTS OF HAIR

STICK OUT ALL WILLY-NILLY

FROM THAT WISE AND WONDERFULLY WEIRD FOOTBALL HEAD OF HIS.

OH!

HE WAS PROBABLY RUSHING OFF

TO HELP SOME POOR, UNFORTUNATE SOUL IN NEED--

SOMEONE IN PAIN, SOMEONE IN DISTRESS

SOMEONE WHO...

( giggling )

LILA!

SO, ANYWAY, THIS SATURDAY

IT'S THE, UH...

THE CHEESE FESTIVAL?

YEAH, THE CHEESE FESTIVAL.

AND IT SHOULD BE A LOT OF, UH...

FUN?

YEAH, FUN.

AND I, UH...

I WAS WONDERING, MAYBE...

IF MAYBE YOU'D, UM...

IF YOU WANTED TO...

ARE YOU TRYING TO ASK ME

TO GO TO THE CHEESE FESTIVAL WITH YOU?

YES! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TRYING TO ASK YOU.

I SUPPOSE IT MIGHT BE FUN.

I'VE NEVER BEEN.

SO, YOU'LL GO?

I'D LOVE TO JUST EVER SO MUCH.

Arnold: YOU'LL HAVE A FUN TIME.

THAT JERK!

HOW DARE HE ASK LILA TO THE CHEESE FESTIVAL?

JUST BECAUSE SHE'S SO PRETTY AND SMART AND FUNNY

AND HE HAS A BIG, STUPID, LA-DI-DA CRUSH ON HER.

HE THINKS HE'S GOING TO IMPRESS HER

AND THEN SHE'LL STAR TO LIKE HIM-LIKE HIM

INSTEAD OF JUST LIKING HIM.

WELL, FAT CHANCE.

I'M GOING TO BE AT THE CHEESE FESTIVAL, TOO

AND BY THE TIME I GET THROUGH, LILA IS GOING TO HATE ARNOLD.

( laughing maniacally )

( calliope playing lively tune )

Lila: GOSH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ARNOLD.

I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH... CHEESE.

Arnold: I KNOW...

THIS SHOULD BE FUN.

Helga: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.

( laughing )

( groans )

WANT TO GO ON THE BUMPER CARS?

GOSH, ARNOLD, SURE.

IS IT FUN?

OH, IT'S A BLAST!

YOU WANT TO RAM THE OTHER CARS

AS HARD AS YOU CAN.

OH, BUT, THAT SEEMS EVER SO MEAN.

IT'S NOT MEAN, IT'S JUST FUN.

I COULDN'T HAVE ANY FUN, DOING THAT.

BUT THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF THE RIDE.

COULDN'T WE JUST DRIVE AND ENJOY THE VIEW?

BUT WE'LL BE SITTING DUCKS.

( ringing )

SEE, ISN'T THIS NICE?

( laughs menacingly )

SAY GOOD NIGHT, LILA.

Arnold: OH!

( groans )

( laughing maniacally )

SORRY, LILA, THAT WASN'T EXACTLY FUN.

OH, IT WAS JUST FINE, ARNOLD.

BUT WE GOT SLAMMED.

BUT YOU DIDN'T GIVE IN TO VIOLENT TEMPTATION

LIKE ALL THE OTHER CHILDREN.

I'M SO IMPRESSED.

OH, MAN.

OH, LOOK, ARNOLD

WHAT A CUTE TEDDY BEAR.

HE'S ADORABLE, ISN'T HE?

MAYBE I COULD WIN IT.

OH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD?

THREE TRIES, PLEASE.

( grunts )

( laughing )

SORRY, LILA.

YOU DID YOUR BEST.

BUT HIS BEST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

SHE PROBABLY THINKS HE'S A REAL CHUMP.

YEAH, BUT I WANTED TO WIN YOU SOMETHING.

HERE, KID.

WHAT'S THIS FOR?

I DON'T KNOW... I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

OH, ARNOLD

IT'S A TURTLE!

TURTLES ARE MY FAVORITE

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE!

IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN A TEDDY BEAR.

I'M ALLERGIC TO STUFFED ANIMALS, ANYWAY.

AND IT'S EVEN "HECHO EN MEXICO."

MEXICO'S MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE COUNTRY.

Lila: I JUST CAN'T STOP EATING CHEESE.

GOSH, I SUPPOSE I'VE PRACTICALLY EATEN CHEESE

FROM EVERY SINGLE CONTINENT.

DO YOU WANT TO RIDE THE TILT-A-WHIRL?

TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST

I SOMETIMES GET A LITTLE... QUEASY ON THE BIG RIDES.

I'VE BEEN ON THIS RIDE BEFORE.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

YOU'LL BE FINE.

OKAY, ARNOLD

IF YOU SAY SO.

SO SHE GETS QUEASY ON THE BIG RIDES.

( laughing )

I KNOW YOU'LL LOVE THIS, LILA.

IT GOES REALLY SLOW AND EASY.

HEY, SOME OF THE KIDS

ARE COMPLAINING THE RIDE'S TOO SLOW.

THEY SAY YOU SHOULD CRANK THE SPEED UP TO "HIGH."

I TOLD THEM IT WAS TOO SLOW!

I'LL CRANK IT UP!

( operator laughing )

( laughing )

( kids screaming )

OH, ARNOLD, I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

( vomits )

( crowd screams )

THE RIDE NEVER USED TO GO THAT FAST.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

IT'S SO NICE OF YOU NOT TO BE BOTHERED

THAT I THREW UP ON YOU.

AND YOU EVEN HELD MY HAIR BACK.

IT WAS MY PLEASURE.

AND IT WAS SWEET OF YOU

JUST EVER SO SWEET.

ALL RIGHT, NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.

LOOK, ARNOLD, IT'S A BOAT RIDE.

IT'S THE TUNNEL OF LOVE.

I'VE HEARD EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT IT

JUST EVERYONE-- CAN WE GO?

IF YOU WANT TO.

BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE WELL ENOUGH?

OH, YES, ARNOLD, THANKS TO YOU.

THIS'LL BE FUN.

OH, YEAH, THIS'LL BE FUN...

THIS'LL BE EVER SO MUCH FUN.

I'LL TURN YOUR TUNNEL OF LOVE INTO A TUNNEL OF DISASTER.

( laughing )

I JUST LOVE BOAT RIDES, JUST EVER SO MUCH.

I SUPPOSE IT'S BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY WAY

I CAN EVER GO NEAR THE WATER

SINCE I DON'T HOW TO SWIM.

DON'T WORRY

YOU'RE PERFECTLY SAFE WITH ME.

GOSH, ARNOLD, DO YOU PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

OH, THIS IS GOING TO BE SWEET.

( breathing loudly )

( splashing )

Lila: OH, ARNOLD...

ISN'T IT ROMANTIC?

LOOK AT ALL THE STARS.

( laughing )

LILA?

YES, ARNOLD?

DON'T BE SCARED.

EVERYTHING IS SO WONDERFUL.

WHY WOULD I BE SCARED?

BECAUSE OUR BOAT IS SINKING.

( laughing evilly )

WHO'S HAVING FUN NOW?

OH, ARNOLD, WHAT WILL WE DO?

DON'T WORRY, TAKE MY ARM AND HOLD ON.

I WON'T LET GO.

I KNOW.

( Lila screams )

( Arnold groaning )

LILA!

( screams )

THIS IS GETTING GOOD.

Lila: ARNOLD!

( screaming )

ARNOLD?

HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT, I THINK.

Arnold: I THINK WE CAN STAND UP.

OH, ARNOLD.

PERFECT-- WHY DO NONE OF MY EVIL PLANS EVER WORK OUT?

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

( gasping )

MAYBE I'M JUST

TRYING TOO HARD.

THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME, ARNOLD.

YOU WERE JUST EVER SO BRAVE.

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME

THAT MAYBE YOU'RE STARTING

TO LIKE ME-LIKE ME?

WELL, I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING

IS THAT BEFORE TONIGHT, I JUST LIKED YOU

BUT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED

I REALLY, REALLY LIKE YOU.

SO YOU STILL DON'T LIKE ME-LIKE ME.

WELL, TO BE JUST PERFECTLY HONEST...

NO.

BUT, THERE'S HOPE, RIGHT?

OH, YES, ARNOLD, JUST EVER SO MUCH.

COME ON, I'LL WALK YOU HOME.

HMM!

( someone slurping and chomping noisily )

ONE MORE TO GO.

THERE'S NO WAY.

NOBODY CAN EAT 50 MR. FUDGIES.

GIVE IT TO ME!

UNBELIEVABLE!

TOLD YOU.

NOW PAY ME.

Man: HEY... TUBBY.

WHO, ME?

YEAH, "WHO ME"--

YOU-- YEAH, YOU, TUBBY!

I WISH I HAD A HUNDRED CUSTOMERS LIKE YOU.

OH! I COULD RETIRE AND MOVE TO FLORIDA.

BOY, I TELL YOU, 50 MR. FUDGIES!

YOU CAN PACK IT AWAY, CAN'T YOU!

SEE YOU TOMORROW, TUBBY.

MY NAME'S NOT TUBBY--

IT'S HAROLD!

Sid: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

WHAT AN IDIOT!

IT ONLY COST US A QUARTER

TO SEE HIM EAT THOSE.

AND I BET HE PAID SIX WEEKS' ALLOWANCE FOR THEM.

BOY, HE SURE IS FAT, AIN'T HE?

HE MUST WEIGH OVER 200 POUNDS!

Sid: I BET BY THE TIME

HE'S IN THE SIXTH GRADE

HE'LL WEIGH OVER 300 POUNDS.

( both laughing )

Stinky: SURE IS FAT, AIN'T HE?

LOOK, MOMMY, THERE'S A FAT MAN.

OH, JOHNNY, NO, DON'T SAY THAT.

HE'S NOT A FAT MAN...

HE'S A FAT BOY.

Man: MMM, VERY GOOD.

IT'S A VERY GOOD POT ROAST, MARILYN.

THANK YOU, JERRY.

MORE, HAROLD?

HUH? OH, NO, THANKS.

YOU'VE BARELY TOUCHED YOUR FOOD.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

HE DOESN'T WANT

TO TALK.

THEN HE DOESN'T HAVE TO TALK.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.

HE DOESN'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

WHY SHOULD HE TELL HIS PARENTS?

HE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO TALK.

AM I ASKING HIM

TO TALK ABOUT IT?

YOU'RE HINTING.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW

WHAT'S BOTHERING OUR SON.

AM I FAT?

HAROLD, PLEASE.

WE ARE DISCUSSING.

IS THAT A CRIME NOW?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

AM I FAT?

COURSE NOT, HAROLD.

OH, THAT IS RIDICULOUS!

WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THAT YOU WERE FAT?

SOME OF THE KIDS WERE SAYING THAT.

HONEY, YOU'RE JUST BIG-BONED, THAT'S ALL.

HE COULD LOSE A LITTLE.

JERRY!

I'M JUST...

DON'T LISTEN-- YOU'RE JUST HUSKY

AND THAT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I WAS JUST EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

AND LOOK AT ME.

I TURNED OUT TO BE A PERFECTLY NORMAL-SIZED PERSON.

( sighs )

( suspenseful music, monster growling on TV )

♪ I saw your face... ♪

Announcer: Are you fat and between the ages of eight and 14?

Do kids call you Tubby, Lardo, Whale Boy

or "the fattest person I've ever seen in my life"?

Wouldn't you like to be thin again?

Well, now you can.

When you sign up for "Kids Cruise to Lose"--

a five-week sea vacation.

You'll enjoy swimming, diving, jogging

and an all-you-can-eat salad bar.

Hi, I'm Counselor Skip, and I care.

Help! Help!

So if you're between eight and 14

and you want to get thin

call us now at 1-800-I-M-HUGE.

That's 1-800-I-M-HUGE.

( ship's horn blows )

Jerry: BYE-BYE, SON, HAVE A GOOD TIME.

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO THE CARING COUNSELORS.

I WILL, MA.

SO LONG, HAROLD.

I HOPE YOU LOSE A COUPLE OF POUNDS.

I'M GOING TO LOSE MORE THAN A COUPLE OF POUNDS, STINKY.

WHEN I COME BACK, I'M GOING TO BE SKINNY!

YOU CAN DO IT.

( ship's horn blows )

BYE!

( horn blowing )

( horn blowing )

Stinky: I WONDER HOW SKINNY HE'LL BE.

WE PROBABLY WON'T

RECOGNIZE HIM.

THERE HE IS!

BYE, CAPTAIN!

I HAD A GREAT TIME!

Harold: HEY, YOU GUYS, WHAT'S NEW?

DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

DON'T WORRY, ARNOLD.

WE KNOW HOW TO BE DISCREET.

HAROLD, WHAT HAPPENED?!

YOU'RE AS BIG AS A HOUSE!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY?

THEY DON'T ALLOW MIRRORS ON THE SHIP.

WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE A GANDER AT ONE

ON ACCOUNT OF YOU'RE AS BIG AS A HOUSE.

WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?

( sighs )

WHO'S THAT GUY?

THAT'S YOU.

THAT'S ME?!

Arnold: I GUESS YOU PUT ON A COUPLE OF POUNDS.

Marilyn: HERE WE ARE

WITH OUR HAROLD HOME, ENJOYING DINNER.

BACK TO NORMAL.

RIGHT, BACK TO NORMAL.

FAMILY TOGETHER AGAIN, NOTHING'S CHANGED.

I'M GIGANTIC!

OH, HAROLD...

( Jerry chuckles )

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!

YOU'RE PERFECTLY NORMAL.

YOU CAN LOSE THE EXTRA WEIGHT.

WHAT EXTRA WEIGHT?!

HE'S PERFECTLY NORMAL.

WELL, WHO'S DISAGREEING?

YOU'RE NORMAL.

OF COURSE HE IS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

NOTHING.

I'M A GIGANTIC FREAK!

HAROLD, YOUR FATHER AND I ARE DISCUSSING.

A COUPLE OF POUNDS.

WHAT'S A COUPLE OF POUNDS?

WHAT COUPLE OF POUNDS?!

HE'S A GROWING BOY

FOR CRYING IN A BUCKET!

GRANTED, BUT THERE'S GROWING

AND THEN THERE'S... GROWING.

JERRY!

( crash )

Sid: I'M TELLING YOU, GUYS.

HE'S ENORMOUS.

I RECKON HE GAINED

PRETTY NEAR A HUNDRED POUNDS.

OH, PL-EASE! NOBODY COULD GAIN A HUNDRED POUNDS IN FIVE WEEKS.

HEY, THERE HE IS!

OH... MY WORD.

WELL, THERE HE IS, MY FAVORITE CUSTOMER.

WHERE YOU BEEN, TUBBY?

I WAS ON VACATION TO LOSE WEIGHT.

OH, AH... I SEE THAT WENT WELL.

( laughing hysterically )

I SUPPOSE YOU WANT THE USUAL--

SIX MR. FUDGIES!

( laughing )

NOT TODAY.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD

ANY MR. FUDGIES THAT WERE LOW-FAT.

OH, YEAH, SURE, I GOT LOW-FAT MR. FUDGIES.

HALF THE CALORIES AND HALF THE TASTE.

GREAT.

I'LL TAKE 12.

HAROLD, 12 LOW-FAT MR. FUDGIES IS THE SAME

AS SIX REGULAR MR. FUDGIES.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

BUT, HAROLD...

LEAVE ME ALONE, ARNOLD.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

Sid: NOBODY'S SEEN HIM IN OVER A WEEK.

I HEARD HE'S HOLED UP IN HIS ROOM

AND AIN'T COMING OUT.

Sid: HE'S PROBABLY TOO BUSY, EATING.

AND HE'S PROBABLY TOO BIG

TO FIT OUT THE DOOR ANYWAY.

( both laughing )

Jerry: NICE OF YOU TO VISIT OUR HAROLD.

Arnold: I THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD CHEER HIM UP.

SOMEONE'S HERE TO SEE YOU!

Harold: GO AWAY!

IT'S THE PIZZA MAN.

( heavy pounding )

AW!

FORGET IT, ARNOLD.

I'M FAT, AND I'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE FAT.

THERE'S NOTHING YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

THERE'S ALL KINDS OF WAYS TO LOSE WEIGHT.

HUH! LIKE THAT CRUISE I WENT ON?

YOU COULD EXERCISE AND START EATING HEALTHIER.

I CAN'T DO THAT STUFF.

LOOK AT ME.

I'M A BIG FAT SLOB, AND I HAVEN'T MOVED IN WEEKS.

I CAN BARELY LIFT MY ARMS.

I COULD HELP YOU.

I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE ME AND LAUGH AT ME.

WE CAN DO IT AT NIGHT--

SOMEWHERE WHERE NO ONE WILL SEE US.

COME ON, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

( groans )

( groaning )

I TOLD YOU, ARNOLD, I CAN'T DO IT.

YOU CAN DO IT, HAROLD.

FORGET IT, ARNOLD.

I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT.

I TRIED AND I TRIED AND I CAN'T, OKAY?

THE JOLLY-OLLY MAN WAS RIGHT.

HE SAID IF HE HAD MORE CUSTOMERS LIKE ME

THAT HE COULD RETIRE TO FLORIDA.

AND SID AND STINKY WERE LAUGHING ABOUT ME

BECAUSE I WAS SO FAT.

AND THEN SOME LITTLE KID TOLD HIS MOMMY

I WAS A FAT MAN.

( whimpering ): AND THEN SHE SAID

"NO, JOHNNY, NO, HE'S NOT A FAT MAN.

HE'S A FAT BOY."

AND SO I WENT ON A CRUISE TO GET SKINNY

BUT I WAS SO WORRIED

ABOUT PEOPLE THINKING I WAS FAT

THAT I ATE MORE AND MORE.

THEN I JUST GOT REALLY, REALLY FAT

AND NOW I'M JUST

A BIG, DUMB, GIANT, FAT FREAK!

( sobbing )

THIS ALL HAPPENED

BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE MAKING FUN OF YOU?

THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!

WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?!

BUT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE FAT?

HUH?

DID YOU THINK YOU WERE FAT?

COURSE NOT.

I LIKED THE WAY I WAS.

THERE'S YOUR ANSWER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LOSE ENOUGH WEIGHT

TO GET BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE.

JUST BACK TO MY OLD, FAT SELF?

HEY, THAT WOULDN'T BE SO HARD.

MAYBE IT WOULD BE FUN.

OKAY, ARNOLD, I THINK I CAN DO IT NOW.

THEN LET'S DO IT.

YEAH, LET'S DO IT.

BUT CAN WE EAT FIRST?

I'M STARVING!

( bar creaking )

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HAROLD'S COMING OUT IN THE DAYLIGHT.

HOW FAT IS HE NOW?

WELL, I FOR ONE THINK IT'S JUST GRUESOME

TO PARADE POOR HAROLD

IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY

JUST SO WE CAN BE SHOCKED

AT HOW FAT HE'S GOTTEN.

I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT MY CAMERA.

BUT, ARNOLD

WHAT IF THEY STILL THINK I'M FAT?

THE IMPORTANT THING IS WHAT YOU THINK, HAROLD.

RIGHT, RIGHT, WHAT I THINK.

OKAY, I'M READY.

( all gasp )

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

HAROLD, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!

YOU'RE WASTING AWAY.

IT'S A COMPLETE TRANSFORMATION.

I NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD BE SO THIN!

( kids all talking excitedly )

Harold: HEY, IT'S THE JOLLY-OLLY MAN!

LET'S CELEBRATE!

Stinky: HEY, HAROLD, BET YOU A QUARTER YOU CAN'T EAT 50 MR. FUDGIES!

Harold: YOU'RE ON!

( laughing )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON