Original subtitles

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Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

Announcer: AND THE FOURTH-PLACE PRIZE

IN OUR "FIGHT FOR PEACE" CHARITY RAFFLE

GOES TO MARCIE CORNFLUFF.

( cheering )

FREE DRY CLEANING FOR A MONTH FROM DIRTY-NO-MORE.

Arnold: WOW, LILA

YOU HAVE SO MANY HOBBIES.

I'M LEARNING, OH, SO MUCH ABOUT OPERA.

BUT I MUST CONFESS

I'M ESPECIALLY FOND OF BALLET.

BALLET?

Lila: I'VE BEEN TAKING LESSONS

FOR TWO YEARS NOW.

I SUPPOSE YOU COULD SAY

I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE.

THAT'S GREAT.

I HOPE ONE DAY

IF I PRACTICE HARD ENOUGH

PERHAPS I'LL BECOME A FAMOUS BALLERINA.

WOW, LILA, BALLET AND OPERA--

YOU'RE SO... SOPHISTICATED.

I'M REALLY IMPRESSED.

WHAT DOES HE SEE IN HER?!

SHE'S ONLY PRETTY, SMART, FUNNY AND THE NICEST GIRL IN SCHOOL.

AND NOW HE'S ALL IMPRESSED BECAUSE SHE'S "SOPHISTICATED."

I CAN BE SOPHISTICATED.

IF ARNOLD WANTS SOPHISTICATED

THEN I'LL SHOW HIM SOPHISTICATED.

ALL I GOT TO DO IS COME UP WITH A PLAN.

WANT TO SEE MY COCKROACH COLLECTION?

I HAVE 27 CLASSIFICATIONS.

NO, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR COCKROACHES, NADINE.

NOW, BEAT IT!

AND THE THIRD PRIZE WINNER IS HELGA PATAKI!

( cheering )

IT'S A COUPON FOR A FREE DINNER FOR FOUR AT CHEZ PIERRE.

CONGRATULATIONS!

THANKS.

DINNER IN SOME FANCY-SCHMANCY FRENCH JOINT.

JUST WHAT I NEED-- HUH!

WAIT A MINUTE, THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEED!

THE PERFECT WAY TO IMPRESS ARNOLD

AND MAKE HIM THINK I'M SOPHISTICATED.

I'LL GET HIM TO COME WITH ME.

I'LL ORDER ALL THE RIGHT FOOD, BE WITTY WITH THE WAITER

THEN I'LL PICK UP THE CHECK LIKE A REAL SPORT.

I'LL BE THE MOST SOPHISTICATED PERSON HE'S EVER MET--

EVEN MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN LILA.

YEAH, WHAT A GREAT PLAN.

NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS FIND A WAY TO INVITE ARNOLD

WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO INVITE HIM MYSELF.

PHOEBE, YOU'RE COMING TO DINNER

ON SATURDAY NIGHT AT A FRENCH RESTAURANT.

I AM?

AND YOU'RE GOING

TO INVITE GERALD

THEN ASK GERALD TO INVITE A FRIEND.

Phoebe: SO JUST YOU, ME AND...

HELGA AND WHOEVER YOU'D LIKE TO INVITE TO COME ALONG

like your best friend.

I'M GOING TO ORDER SOME OF THAT

OLD, MOLDY, RUNNY CHEESE

THOSE FRENCH PEOPLE LIKE SO MUCH.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT?

I'M NOT GOING TO EAT IT;

I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT IT.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.

I JUST CAN'T SEE HELGA IN A FANCY RESTAURANT.

I MEAN, SHE'S JUST NEVER SEEMED THAT SOPHISTICATED.

NOW, LILA IS REALLY SOPHISTICATED.

OH, YEAH? I'LL SHOW YOU SOPHISTICATED, BUCKO.

( yells )

Man ( with French accent ): Cutlery: forks on the left, knives on the right.

Spoons on the right to the right of the knives.

SALAD FORK, DINNER FORK, BUTTER KNIFE...

And remember to laugh engagingly.

( attempts engaging laugh )

Snap your linen napkin before placing it in your lap.

Turn casually to your dining companions

and say, "Lovely little bistro, n'est-ce pas?"

LOVELY LITTLE BISTRO, N'EST-CE PAS?

Very good-- now you are becoming sophisticated.

THIS FANCY STUFF'S A PIECE OF CAKE.

JUST WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY NIGHT.

( diners murmuring )

Helga: OH, THAT'S DROLL.

THAT'S JUST EVER SO DROLL.

HENRI, MAY I SAY

THE PATE DE FOIE GRAS WAS EXCELLENT AS USUAL.

MERCI, MADEMOISELLE.

DINNER IS ON ME TONIGHT, NATURELLEMENT.

HELGA, I DARESAY YOU'RE SO WITTY AND SOPHISTICATED.

I MUST SAY, I...

I'VE FALLEN MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU.

AND I, YOU.

IT'S GOING TO BE PERFECT.

Waiter: OUI, MADEMOISELLE

YOUR TABLE IS READY.

MERCI.

UM... DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE

AN ENGLISH VERSION OF THE MENU?

OH, ARNOLD, YOU'RE SO DROLL

JUST EVER SO DROLL.

I AM?

I GUESS

YOU'RE NOT USED TO SOPHISTICATED DINING

LIKE I AM.

WHY DON'T I ORDER FOR ALL OF US?

GARCON!

OUI, MADEMOISELLE?

THERE YOU ARE.

I'M JACQUES, YOUR WAITER.

HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?

JACK, WE'LL START WITH THE ESCARGOTS

AND PATE DE FOIE GRAS.

VICHYSSOISE, OF COURSE.

OF COURSE.

TWO ORDERS OF COQ AU VIN

BOEUF BOURGUIGNON, DUCK A L'ORANGE...

AND SOME OF THAT OLD, SMELLY, RUNNY CHEESE

YOU FRENCH PEOPLE

LIKE SO MUCH.

YES...

AND, OF COURSE

PYRENEES SPRING WATER FOR THE TABLE.

EXCELLENT, MADEMOISELLE.

LOVELY LITTLE BISTRO, N'EST-CE PAS?

AH, SMELL IT, ARNOLD.

I DON'T WANT TO.

COME ON, ARNOLD, SMELL IT.

SMELL THE CHEESE.

( sniffs )

UGH!

AND YOU JUST SMELLED IT.

FRENCH PEOPLE ACTUALLY EAT THE STUFF.

OH, PHOEBE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'VE CONFUSED YOUR BUTTER KNIFE FOR YOUR STEAK KNIFE.

HERE, THIS IS THE PROPER KNIFE TO USE.

ARNOLD, YOU'RE STARING.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IT'S JUST THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE, SO, SO...

DIFFERENT, SO...

SOPHISTICATED?

WELL, YEAH.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SOPHISTICATED, YOU PROBABLY JUST NEVER NOTICED.

I GO TO FANCY RESTAURANTS AND THE BALLET AND OPERA

AND JUNK LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME.

I GUESS MAYBE I DIDN'T NOTICE.

BUT NOW THAT I KNOW HOW SOPHISTICATED YOU ARE, I...

YES, ARNOLD?

I'D HAVE TO SAY THAT...

WELL, THAT... WELL...

THAT I'M IMPRESSED.

YOU'RE IMPRESSED?

( laughs )

AND, OF COURSE

DINNER IS ON ME TONIGHT, NATURELLEMENT.

"CHEZ PIERRE"? "CHEZ PARIS"?

( gasps )

HELGA, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

PHOEBE, CAN I SEE YOU FOR A MOMENT

IN THE POWDER ROOM?

THE WRONG RESTAURANT?

WELL, HELGA, I SUPPOSE

THE BEST THING TO DO

WOULD BE TO TELL THE MANAGEMENT THE TRUTH.

THAT IS THE STUPIDEST IDEA

I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

WE'VE GOT TO COME UP WITH A PLAN

TO GET OUT OF PAYING.

BUT, HELGA...

I JUST NEED

SOME TIME TO THINK.

I KNOW, WE'LL STALL.

WE'LL ORDER MORE FOOD-- LOTS MORE FOOD.

ISN'T THAT JUST EXACERBATING THE PROBLEM?

Helga: A COUPLE OF ORDERS

OF CERVELLE BRISEE ET BRULEE.

FOUR CHOCOLATE MOUSSES

AND SOME MORE PATE DE FOIE GRAS.

YOU HAVE A BIG APPETITE TONIGHT.

YOU GOT IT, JACK.

HELGA, I'M REALLY FULL.

I DON'T THINK I COULD EAT ANOTHER BITE.

YOU'LL EAT IT AND LIKE IT, ARNOLD!

( laughs weakly )

NADINE, IT'S HELGA.

BRING ONE OF YOUR COCKROACHES OVER TO CHEZ PARIS

AND LET HIM LOOSE IN THE RESTAURANT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT CLASSIFICATION--

JUST THE BIGGEST, UGLIEST ONE YOU'VE GOT

AND LET HIM LOOSE!

EXCELLENT.

( quietly ): OUR PROBLEMS ARE OVER.

I BEGIN TO SUSPECT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY

AND THAT YOU ARE ATTEMPTING

TO GET OUT OF PAYING FOR YOUR MEAL.

Helga: DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY?!

THAT IS RIDICULOUS!

HOW DARE YOU?

DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

I'M HELGA VAN BUREN

GRANDDAUGHTER OF HELMUT VAN BUREN

THE RICHEST MAN IN THE CITY.

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY, I DID NOT KNOW.

WELL, NOW YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU?

ALLOW ME TO BRING YOU

A BEAUTIFUL CHOCOLATE MOUSSE CAKE

AS A TOKEN OF MY SINCEREST APOLOGY.

WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

YEAH, AND WHO'S HELGA VAN BUREN?

OH... JUST A NAME I USE

SO I COULD GET THE VERY BEST TABLE.

WHEN YOU'RE AS SOPHISTICATED AS I AM

THAT'S THE KIND OF THING YOU DO.

Gerald: IF I EAT ONE MORE BITE

I SWEAR I'M BLOWING CHUNKS.

WHERE IN HECK IS NADINE?

MADEMOISELLE?

I JUST HAD AN INTERESTING PHONE CONVERSATION.

MR. HELMUT VAN BUREN CALLED TO MAKE A RESERVATION.

WHEN I MENTIONED THAT WE WERE SERVING

HIS GRANDDAUGHTER HERE TONIGHT

HE INFORMED ME THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

APPARENTLY, MR. VAN BUREN'S ONLY GRANDDAUGHTER IS IN SWITZERLAND

ON HOLIDAY.

OH, WELL, UH...

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

HELGA, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M AFRAID UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES

I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO CALL THE AUTHORITIES.

THERE'S CERTAINLY NO NEED FOR THAT.

TOO LATE.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM HERE?

Waiter: THIS GIRL HAS ORDERED A VERY LARGE DINNER

AND SHE REFUSES TO PAY THE BILL.

( screams )

( patrons screaming )

THIS PLACE IS FULL OF COCKROACHES.

I'M GOING TO SHUT YOU DOWN.

MISS, IF I WERE YOU, I'D REFUSE TO PAY THE BILL.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, OFFICER.

SORRY, I WAS LATE, HELGA.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHICH CLASSIFICATION OF COCKROACH

YOU WANTED ME TO BRING.

DID NADINE LET HER COCKROACHES LOOSE

IN THE RESTAURANT

SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY?

YEAH, SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

YOU SNUCK OUT OF PAYING FOR DINNER, AND YOU GOT

THE RESTAURANT CLOSED FOR NO REASON.

I THINK WE SHOULD GO BACK IN THERE

AND YOU SHOULD TELL THEM THE TRUTH.

ARNOLD'S RIGHT, HELGA.

I AM NOT GOING TO GO IN THERE

AND TELL THEM THE TRUTH AND WIND UP WASHING DISHES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I TOLD THEM THE TRUTH

AND AM WASHING DISHES.

DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER

THAT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING?

NO, NOT REALLY.

I THINK YOU DO.

NO, I DON'T, ARNOLD.

I THINK WHAT YOU DID

IS PRETTY SOPHISTICATED.

REALLY?

YEAH.

( gasps )

OH, JUST SHUT UP AND RINSE.

Simmons: CLASS, PLEASE JOIN ME IN CONGRATULATING PHOEBE

FOR HER COMMENTARY ON GENETIC ENGINEERING--

"CLONING: WHY TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE."

AN A-PLUS, THOROUGHLY RESEARCHED PIECE OF WORK, PHOEBE.

THANK YOU.

( bell rings )

Helga: COME ON, PHOEBS

GET THE LEAD OUT.

OH... HURRYING.

IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT

I'D LIKE TO HAVE A PRIVATE WORD WITH YOU.

( sighs )

MAKE IT SNAPPY.

WE'VE GOT

IMPORTANT STUFF TO DO.

I'LL BE AT THE ARCADE IN TEN MINUTES.

FIVE, AND DON'T FORGET THE QUARTERS.

YOU SEE, PHOEBE, A REVIEW OF YOUR SCHOLASTIC RECORDS SHOWS

THAT YOU AREN'T CHALLENGED BY THE FOURTH-GRADE CURRICULUM.

I'M NOT?

IN FACT, BECAUSE OF YOUR EXCEPTIONALLY HIGH GRADES

IT HAS BEEN RECOMMENDED

THAT YOU CONSIDER A PROMOTION TO THE SIXTH GRADE.

THE SIXTH GRADE?

I REALIZE THAT SKIPPING TWO GRADES

IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL

BUT IT WOULD BE ON A TRIAL BASIS

AND YOU'LL NEED YOUR PARENTS' PERMISSION.

IT SOUNDS LIKE A VERY INTERESTING PROPOSITION.

OF COURSE, I'LL NEED SOME TIME TO THINK IT OVER.

Phoebe: THE SIXTH GRADE!

I GET TO GO TO THE SIXTH GRADE!

OH, I GET TO BE SURROUNDED BY THE GREATEST MINDS AT P.S. 118!

OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL HELGA!

THE SIXTH GRADE?!

YOU'RE LEAVING?

JUST MOVING ON TO A NEW CLASSROOM

WHERE I'LL FACE FRESH ACADEMIC CHALLENGES.

JUST THINK ABOUT IT, PHOEBE--

YOU IN THE SIXTH GRADE?

GET REAL; YOU WOULDN'T LAST A DAY.

YOU'D BE EATEN ALIVE, CHEWED UP AND SPIT BACK OUT.

HA! TALK ABOUT

A STUPID IDEA.

YOU DISTRACT RHONDA

WHILE I CUT THE DESIGNER TAGS OUT OF HER NEW SWEATER.

I THINK THAT PERHAPS YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.

( laughing )

ME? JEALOUS?

OF WHAT?

THE NEW AND EXCITING FRIENDS I'LL MAKE.

YOU MUST BE KIDDING.

NO, HELGA, I'M QUITE SERIOUS.

IN FACT

I'D GO SO FAR AS TO SAY

THAT YOU'RE AFRAID THAT ONCE I'M GONE

YOU WON'T FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO KICK AROUND.

OH, REALLY, IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?

HERE'S A NEWS FLASH, SMARTY-PANTS:

THESE HALLS ARE CRAWLING WITH PATHETIC SAPS

WHO'D JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO BE MY SIDEKICK!

IF I WANTED TO REPLACE YOU, I COULD DO IT LIKE THAT.

AND AS FAR AS YOUR NEW AND EXCITING FRIENDS ARE CONCERNED--

I WOULDN'T HOLD MY BREATH.

OKAY, THEN, FINE.

YEAH? FINE!

GO, THEN!

OKAY, TIME TO FIND A NEW PATSY.

( knuckles crack )

( clears throat ): HEY, LILA?

HAVE A SEAT IN THIS EMPTY CHAIR OVER HERE.

WHY, HELGA, THAT'S EVER SO SWEET.

Arnold: HELGA SEEMS TO BE

ADJUSTING WELL.

I WONDER ABOUT PHOEBE.

( inhales deeply )

( bell rings )

( kids conversing )

I'M PHOEBE HEYERDAHL.

I'VE BEEN PROMOTED FROM THE FOURTH GRADE.

( dully ): I SUPPOSE YOU THINK YOU'RE SPECIAL.

GRAB A SEAT.

WELL, GIRLS, LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A NEW FISH.

YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT HER.

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A GENIUS OR SOMETHING.

SHE BETTER NOT BE TOO SMART OR WE CAN'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER.

( all laughing )

HI, PHOEBE, I'M MARIA.

THIS HERE'S CONNIE, THAT'S COOKIE

AND THERE'S SIMONE.

FOURTH GRADE, HUH?

SHEESH, YOU MUST BE REAL SMART.

YEAH, AND STYLISH.

I MEAN, MONOCHROMATIC-- THAT IS WAY COOL.

GUM, PHOEBE?

ONLY 2½ CALORIES A STICK.

OH, THAT WOULD BE DELIGHTFUL...

UH, I MEAN, COOL.

NOW, REMEMBER, LILA, JUST SNIP THE TAGS

WHEN SHE'S NOT LOOKING.

GOSH, I DON'T KNOW, HELGA.

IT SEEMS, WELL, EVER SO MEAN.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

RHONDA'S GOT A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.

TRUST ME, IT'LL BE A SCREAM.

( flatly ): WHICH OF YOU WILL GRACE ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE

UP HERE AT THE BLACKBOARD?

MARIA?

GOSH, I'D LOVE TO, SIR, I REALLY WOULD

ONLY I THINK PHOEBE HAD HER HAND UP FIRST.

WHOEVER-- I JUST NEED

A BODY.

SHE ASKED YOU TO DO WHAT

TO MY CAPRINI CARDIGAN?

SNIP THE TAGS OUT?

LILA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

DON'T ASK HER!

I JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT

ABOUT DESTROYING RHONDA'S PERSONAL PROPERTY

WITHOUT GETTING HER PERMISSION FIRST.

IT SEEMED, WELL, EVER SO WRONG.

YEAH, WELL, GUESS WHAT?

YOU'RE EVER SO FIRED!

I WAS WONDERING

IF YOU COULD DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR.

A FAVOR?

MY MOTHER WROTE THIS EXCUSE

TO GET ME OUT OF GYM CLASS

ON ACCOUNT OF HOW I WON'T BE FEELING SO HOT THIS WEEK

ONLY IN A RUSH SHE FORGOT TO SIGN IT.

GEE, HOW UNFORTUNATE.

WHAT CAN I DO?

WELL, I WAS THINKING YOU COULD

JUST SIGN HER NAME FOR ME.

YOU DID WIN THE FOURTH-GRADE PENMANSHIP AWARD.

YES, I GUESS I DID.

WELL?

( gum pops )

OKAY... I SUPPOSE THERE'S NO HARM IN IT.

OKAY, NADINE

IF YOU WANT TO BE MY SIDEKICK

THERE'S ONE SIMPLE RULE TO FOLLOW--

I TALK, YOU WRITE, OKAY?

Rhonda: NO WAY, HELGA

UH-UH!

NADINE BELONGS TO ME.

SHE'S MY SIDEKICK, SO HANDS OFF!

CRIMINY!

I'M RUNNING OUT OF STOOGES!

OH, NO, TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!

YOU GIRLS ARE GOING TO KILL ME.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, SIMONE?

TODAY'S MY DAY TO BUY LUNCH FOR THE GIRLS

ONLY I FORGOT MY MONEY AT HOME.

NOW WHAT WILL WE DO?

I GUESS I COULD PAY TODAY.

I HAD MORE, BUT I ALREADY LENT FIVE DOLLARS TO COOKIE

TO PAY HER LIBRARY FINE.

Simone: THANKS, PHOEBE!

YOU'RE A REAL LIFESAVER!

YEAH!

WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

HEY, I KNOW.

HOW ABOUT YOU JOIN US TONIGHT

FOR A STUDY PARTY, PHOEBE?

STUDY PARTY?

IT'S WHEN WE ALL GET TOGETHER AT MY PLACE

AND, UH... DO OUR HOMEWORK.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

GOSH, I'D LOVE TO.

Helga: SHEENA, WHAT IS

THIS JUNK?

WHERE'S MY BURGER

AND MY CHOCOLATE MILK WITH BENDY STRAWS?

THE HEALTH FOOD IS MORE BINDING.

I DON'T NEED BINDING, SHEENA.

IT'S OKAY, HELGA.

I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR GASTROINTESTINAL DISORDER

WHAT WITH YOUR CONSTANT TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM AND ALL.

THAT'S IT, GRANOLA GIRL, YOU'RE DISMISSED.

AND TAKE THIS HEALTH CRAP WITH YOU.

( doorbell rings )

( knock at door )

HEY, READY TO HIT THE BOOKS?

ACTUALLY, PHOEBE, WE HAD A BETTER IDEA.

Simone: WE THINK

IT SEEMS REALLY SILLY

FOR ALL OF US TO WORK ON SEPARATE ASSIGNMENTS.

AND SINCE YOU'RE THE SMARTEST

WE FIGURED YOU COULD EASILY DO THE HOMEWORK

FOR ALL OF US.

WE TOTALLY TRUST YOU.

YOU MEAN YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

DON'T YOU WANT TO BE ONE OF US?

SURE, OF COURSE...

ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL, RIGHT?

Man ( on TV ): That's it, Bailey

I've had enough of this stuff.

I don't want you to see Shannon no more.

Charlie, you can't do this to me.

I love her.

Besides, I know what you did last summer.

WHO DO YOU GUYS THINK IS CUTER, BAILEY OR CHARLIE?

DEFINITELY BAILEY. CHARLIE'S GOT THAT DOOFY BEARD.

Maria: HOW'S IT GOING?

FINE.

USE THE PINK PEN

ON COOKIE'S HOMEWORK

AND NOT TOO MANY ADJECTIVES.

SHE HATES ADJECTIVES.

( sighs )

HEY, PHOEBE

WE WERE JUST SAYING

WHAT A GREAT TIME WE HAD AT THE STUDY PARTY.

WEREN'T WE, LADIES?

IN FACT, WE'D LOVE TO DO IT AGAIN REAL SOON.

HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

TONIGHT?

UH, TONIGHT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT.

I, UH, HAVE A HAIR APPOINTMENT.

SORRY.

Girl: HI, I'M SIOBHAN ANDREWS.

I'VE JUST BEEN PROMOTED

FROM THE THIRD GRADE.

NEW FISH.

THIRD GRADE, HUH?

SHE MUST BE THE SMARTEST GIRL

IN THE WHOLE FREAKIN' SCHOOL!

HEY, GIRLS, ROOM FOR ONE MORE?

ACTUALLY, THIS TABLE IS FULL.

FULL?

WE'RE NO LONGER IN NEED

OF YOUR SERVICES.

MY SERVICES?

BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

YEAH, RIGHT.

SO ANYWAY, SIOBHAN

DO YOU WANT TO COME TO OUR STUDY PARTY AFTER SCHOOL?

STUDY PARTY?

( crying )

HOW'S THE SIDEKICK SEARCH GOING?

ARNOLD!

OH, I MEAN, THE SIDEKICK SEARCH-- IT'S GOING GREAT.

I'VE GOT CANDIDATES

WAITING FOR ME IN MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW.

NOT THAT IT'S

ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.

( Phoebe crying )

( crying )

( door opens )

AW, WHO AM I KIDDING?

I CAN'T REPLACE HER.

IF ONLY I HAD SUPPORTED HER IN HER MOMENT OF DISTINCTION

INSTEAD OF SELFISHLY ASSAILING HER

WITH CRUEL WORDS.

IF ONLY I HAD REGARDED HER AS AN EQUAL

INSTEAD OF AS A SUBORDINATE.

IF ONLY MY HUMBLE REPENTANCE COULD REACH HER TINY EARS.

HELGA...

PHOEBE!

I OVERHEARD WHAT YOU SAID.

OH, TH-THAT--

I WAS JUST, UH, PRACTICING FOR THIS, UH, PLAY.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

I SUPPOSE I SHOULD HAVE CONSIDERED YOUR FEELINGS

BEFORE ABANDONING YOU.

OH, HELGA, IT WAS AWFUL!

THEY TOOK COMPLETE ADVANTAGE OF ME.

I FEEL SO USED.

YOU WERE RIGHT--

GOING TO THE SIXTH GRADE WAS A STUPID IDEA.

I MADE A TOTAL FOOL OUT OF MYSELF.

SO I'VE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO THE FOURTH GRADE.

COME ON, PHOEBS

JUST BECAUSE IT DIDN'T WORK OUT

DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS STUPID.

IT WAS SMART.

YOU'RE SMART.

I WAS THE STUPID ONE

FOR THINKING I COULD EVER REPLACE YOU.

YOU MEAN IT, HELGA?

OF COURSE, PHOEBE.

I MEAN, YOU'RE MORE THAN JUST MY SIDEKICK.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

I GUESS I FORGOT THAT.

THANKS, HELGA.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, TOO.

SO I GAVE THEM ALL MY MONEY.

THEN THEY COERCED ME INTO DOING THEIR HOMEWORK.

CRIMINY.

ALL RIGHT, PHOEBS

I'LL BE NEEDING A FEW THINGS:

LOTS OF THUMBTACKS, A BALL OF STRING AND A WATERMELON.

A PACK OF TRICK GUM?

GOOD IDEA-- WRITE THAT ONE DOWN.

WRITING.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON