Original subtitles

( jumble of voices )

( water rushing )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

( murmuring )

( gasps )

( roars )

STILL GOT THE SERUM?

RIGHT HERE.

AND THAT'S HOW YOUR PARENTS GOT THE ORCHID SERUM

OUT OF THE FORBIDDEN JUNGLE

AND SAVED THE VILLAGE FROM THE SLEEPING SICKNESS, ARNOLD.

WHEN THEY BARELY ESCAPE-- THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART.

THEN WHAT HAPPENED, GRANDPA?

I'LL TELL YOU TOMORROW--

SAME TIME, SAME PLACE.

JUST ONE MORE STORY?

NO-- ALWAYS LEAVE THEM ASKING FOR MORE, SHORT MAN.

GOOD NIGHT.

Teacher: BOYS AND GIRLS, I'M PASSING OUT

A REMINDER ABOUT PARENTS' TOURNAMENT WEEKEND.

PARENTS' TOURNAMENT WEEKEND WILL BE A HEARTFELT CELEBRATION

OF THOSE SPECIAL PEOPLE, YOUR MOMS AND DADS

WHO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY TO RAISE, TEACH AND PROTECT YOU.

COME ON, SIMMONS-- WHAT ARE THE PRIZES?

THE TEAM WITH THE HIGHEST SCORE WILL WIN THIS TROPHY.

THE SECOND- AND THIRD-PLACE WINNERS

WILL GET THESE ATTRACTIVE RIBBONS.

ARE YOU COMING, TOO, ARNOLD?

I MEAN, BRINGING YOUR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA

SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE NO... OW!

SHH! STINKY!

Simmons: SO TELL YOUR PARENTS.

GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

THE FESTIVITIES START FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING.

MAN, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE PARENTS' TOURNAMENT, ARNOLD.

IT'LL BE A BLAST-- RACES, EGG TOSSES

THAT GLADIATOR TRIATHLON THING.

YEAH, I DON'T THINK I'LL GO, THOUGH.

HUH? WHY NOT?

EVERYONE WILL HAVE PARENTS

AND I'VE JUST GOT MY GRANDPARENTS.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

YOUR GRANDMA'S A KARATE MASTER.

YOUR GRANDPA CAN BENCH-PRESS 210 POUNDS.

THEY'RE COOL GRANDPARENTS.

YOU'LL WIN, ARNOLD.

I HOPE GRANDMA AND GRANDPA FORGOT

ABOUT THE PARENTS' TOURNAMENT.

97...

98...

99...

ONE HUNDRED!

OKAY, POOKIE, YOU CAN GET OFF ME NOW.

HEY, ARNOLD!

CAN'T WAIT TO COMPETE AT PARENTS' TOURNAMENT WEEKEND TOMORROW

RIGHT, POOKIE?

HAI.

( knocking )

COME IN.

SO, WHERE'D WE LEAVE OFF, SHORT MAN?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR MOM AND DAD

MADE IT OUT OF THE JUNGLE ALIVE.

GRANDPA, PLEASE, CAN WE SKIP THE STORY TONIGHT?

WHAT? ARE YOU SICK OR SOMETHING?

YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T WANT A STORY?

YEAH, I'M SURE.

I REALLY JUST WANT TO SLEEP.

OH, I GET IT.

PRETTY NERVOUS

ABOUT THE COMPETITION, HUH?

DON'T WORRY, ARNOLD.

WE'LL STRIKE FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF YOUR LITTLE CLASSMATES!

( laughing )

Grandma: ARNOLD, ARNOLD, HE'S OUR MAN.

IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO ONE CAN.

Grandpa: WHO'S THE BEST, EAST TO WEST?

WHO'S GOT ZEST, BEAT THE REST?

ARNOLD, ARNOLD, SIS-BOOM-BAH.

Both: GO, ARNOLD!

QUITE A LINEUP YOU GOT THERE, FOOTBALL-HEAD.

WE GOT TO BEAT THESE CHARACTERS?

THE TROPHY'S PRACTICALLY OURS.

SEE THIS? YOU'LL BE LOOKING AT IT

CROSSING THE FINISH LINE, PATAKI.

( making teasing noises )

GOOD MORNING, P.S. 118's FOURTH-GRADE CLASS

AND ALL YOUR PARENTS!

WELCOME TO OUR FIRST EVER PARENTS' TOURNAMENT WEEKEND.

EUGENE?

( yells )

I'M OKAY.

AFTER THIS WEEKEND

ONE LUCKY FAMILY WILL TAKE HOME THIS TROPHY!

YOU'RE ALL WINNERS, OF COURSE.

WHOEVER WINS THE TROPHY IS BEST PARENT.

NO, NO... THIS ISN'T THAT KIND OF COMPETITION.

EVERYBODY WINS THIS WEEKEND.

THE TROPHY IS MORE OF A SYMBOL.

YECH! WHAT A TEA COZY.

I DOUBT THERE'S A HANDFUL OF GUTS

IN THIS WHOLE STINKING CROWD.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

READY, HELGA?

LET'S KICK SOME BUTT.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

( cheering )

( whistle blows )

ALL RIGHT!

( laughing )

( cheering )

( cheering )

OKAY, AT PRESENT, GERALD'S TEAM IS IN THIRD PLACE

PHOEBE'S AND ARNOLD'S TEAMS ARE TIED FOR SECOND

AND THE TEAM TO BEAT

IS HELGA'S.

YOU MUST BE TIRED, GRANDPA.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT THIS ONE OUT?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'M JUST GETTING MY SECOND WIND.

WE'VE COME TO THE FINAL COMPETITION OF THE DAY--

THE EGG-TOSS RELAY RACE.

TEAMMATES, KEEP TOSSING EGGS BACK AND FORTH TO EACH OTHER

UNTIL WE'RE DOWN TO TWO CONTESTANTS.

HE LIKES TO HEAR HIMSELF TALK!

COME ON, YOU TWO-- WE GOT TO STRATEGIZE.

WHERE WERE YOU ON THAT LAST RACE, HELGA?

WE SHOULD HAVE WON BY A MILE!

DON'T LET ME DOWN, GIRL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LET YOU DOWN?

I HAVE TAKEN TIME OFF

FROM MY BUSY SCHEDULE RUNNING A BEEPER EMPIRE

TO SHOW UP HERE TODAY, SO I DESERVE

THAT BEST-PARENT TROPHY!

LOSING IT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

DAD, THIS JUST IN:

WE'RE AHEAD!

THAT'S AN ATTITUDE THAT BREEDS LOSERS.

YOU GOT ME?

LOUD AND CLEAR, BOB.

YOU'RE THE MAN.

WE GOT TO WIN YOU THAT TROPHY.

THAT'S THE KIND OF ATTITUDE

I WANT TO SEE.

ISN'T THIS FUN?

THREE TEAMS REMAIN:

PHOEBE, HELGA AND ARNOLD!

( cheering )

( quietly ): BRILLIANT CATCH, MY LOVE.

( meanly ): HA! NICE JOB, FOOTBALL-HEAD!

YOU COULDN'T CATCH A COLD!

YOU LOSER!

YOU COULDN'T...

Bob: HEY, HEAD'S UP.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, HELGA, WHAT'S WITH YOU?

WATCH THE EGG, NOT YOUR OPPONENT!

WE WILL NOT LET SOME ORPHAN BOY AND HIS ANCESTORS

WIN THIS PARENTS' WEEKEND THING, YOU UNDERSTAND?

DAD!

WHAT?

Grandpa: HEAD'S UP!

ATTABOY.

( cheering )

PHOEBE!

ARNOLD, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN POLEAXED.

WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE?

NOTHING, GRANDPA.

( sighs )

I JUST GOT...

TURNED AROUND, THAT'S ALL.

THAT TROPHY BETTER NOT

SLIP AWAY, HELGA-- YOU GOT THAT?

VICTORY WILL BE MINE.

VICTORY.

WHAT PRICE, VICTORY?

THE TROPHY IS AN EMPTY MOCKERY IF MY DAD WINS IT.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF WINNING

IF IT MEANS HURTING THE ONE THING I LOVE MOST IN LIFE

MY BELOVED, PARENTLESS ARNOLD?

I'VE GOT IT!

I'LL GO APOLOGIZE FOR MY DAD.

THEN I'LL BE CONSCIENCE-FREE TO BEAT ARNOLD TOMORROW.

WHAT A GREAT PLAN!

HEY, FOOTBALL-HEAD, WAIT UP.

WHAT, HELGA?

I JUST WANTED TO SAY

THAT... I MEAN, I LIKE AN INSULT AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY

BUT WHEN MY DAD SAID THAT THING ABOUT YOU BEING AN ORPHAN...

YEAH, I REMEMBER.

I GUESS MAYBE HE WENT TOO FAR.

I GOT TO GO.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE PARENTS.

YOU DON'T NEED MY DAD SAYING IT.

IT'S TOUGH ENOUGH BEING ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.

THANKS, HELGA.

SO, ARE WE OKAY?

SURE.

GOOD, 'CAUSE TOMORROW

I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR BUTT!

I THINK THAT WENT VERY WELL.

♪ OH, GIVE ME A HOME WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM ♪

♪ WHERE THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PLAY... ♪

MORE KIDNEY BEANS, TEX?

WHY, YOU AIN'T EVEN TOUCHED YOUR FIRST HELPING.

I GUESS I ATE A LOT AT THE FESTIVAL.

NO HARM IN THAT.

FESTIVAL FOOD IS GOOD FOR YOU

ESPECIALLY THAT PINK, FLUFFY JUNK ON A STICK.

I'LL TAKE SOME MORE OF THEM BEANS, POOKIE.

I NEED PLENTY OF FUEL

TO WIPE OUT THAT PATAKI CHARACTER TOMORROW.

GRANDPA, ABOUT THE TOURNAMENT...

I'D RATHER NOT GO BACK TOMORROW.

COULD WE DO SOMETHING ELSE?

UH-OH, I SENSE ANOTHER OF YOUR

OH-SO-PAINFULLY ILLUMINATING BOYHOOD PROBLEMS.

FESS UP, ARNOLD.

IT'S JUST THAT PARENTS' TOURNAMENT WEEKEND

IS FOR KIDS AND THEIR PARENTS

AND YOU AND GRANDMA ARE GREAT AND EVERYTHING

BUT YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY MY PARENTS.

I DON'T KNOW IF WE BELONG THERE.

OH, ARNOLD.

ANYWAY, I THINK I'M TOO FULL FOR DESSERT.

GOOD NIGHT.

IT'S RASPBERRY COBBLER.

NO, THANKS.

NIGHT, ARNOLD.

NIGHT, ARNOLD.

WELL, NOW WHAT, POOKIE?

YOU BETTER GO TALK TO HIM, PHIL.

SOMEHOW, I DON'T THINK

ANOTHER BEDTIME STORY ABOUT HIS PARENTS WILL FIX THIS.

HE NEEDS YOU, PHIL.

YOU BETTER GO TALK TO HIM ANYWAY.

( sighs )

OKAY... WISH ME LUCK.

( knock at door )

YOU OKAY, SHORT MAN?

COME IN, GRANDPA.

I TAKE IT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW YOUR PARENTS SAVED

THE COUNTRY OF SRI LANKA FROM FIRE ANTS, DO YOU?

NO.

HOW ABOUT WHEN THEY WERE ACROBATS

IN THE PEKING MIDGET CIRCUS

AND THE BIG TOP BURNED DOWN...

YOU DON'T WANT TO.

I GUESS I'M PLUMB OUT OF GOOD STORIES.

TELL ME THE REAL STORY THIS TIME, GRANDPA.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO MY PARENTS?

OH, DEAR.

ARE YOU SURE, ARNOLD?

YES... I'M SURE.

ALL RIGHT, THEN... HERE GOES.

YOUR FATHER REALLY WAS A SCIENTIST, YOU KNOW

AND HE WAS A DOCTOR, TOO.

ONE DAY, HE WAS HIKING WITH HIS EXPEDITION

LOOKING FOR A RARE, TROPICAL PLANT

THAT COULD CURE A TERRIBLE DISEASE.

BUT THEN, DR. IRONCLAW, WITH HIS EVIL PLOT

TO OVERTAKE THE ENTIRE WORLD...

GRANDPA.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WANTED THE TRUTH.

ANYWAY, YOUR FATHER WAS ON AN EXPEDITION AND...

LOOK AT THAT CLOUD.

IT'S LIKE A SAILBOAT, A SCHOONER.

50 MILES INTO THE JUNGLE

AND HE'S LOOKING AT THE CLOUDS.

MY FRIEND, YOU ARE A TRUE ROMANTIC.

ROMANTIC?

THE LADIES MUST LOVE YOU.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'LL NEVER FIND A GIRL

WHO'LL PUT UP WITH ME WANDERING ALL OVER THE PLANET.

Woman: LOOK AT THAT CLOUD.

IT'S LIKE A SAILBOAT--

A CLIPPER.

IT'S MORE OF A SCHOONER, REALLY.

YEAH, IF YOU COULDN'T TELL A SCHOONER

FROM A CLIPPER SHIP.

HELLO.

HELLO.

AY-AY-AY.

THEY WERE SO MUCH ALIKE, YOUR MOM AND DAD.

I NEVER SAW ANYTHING LIKE IT.

( giggles )

( donkey braying, rocks cracking )

EDUARDO!

Mother: YOU CAN RELAX, THE CAVALRY'S HERE.

YOU ALWAYS HANG AROUND ON MOUNTAIN SIDES?

YOU SURE YOU LANDED

ON YOUR SHOULDER?

AS OPPOSED TO MY HEART?

( grunts )

THEY ALL HELPED YOUR DAD AND HIS FRIEND

GET DOWN TO A SAFE PLACE BEFORE DARK.

THEY WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER, SHORT MAN.

THEY TRAVELED AROUND THE WORLD TOGETHER.

SO FLYING PLANES AND EXPLORING JUNGLES-- THAT'S TRUE?

YEP?

YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT UP?

WELL, I MAY HAVE EXAGGERATED SOME PARTS.

THAT STUFF ABOUT THE MIDGET CIRCUS I MOSTLY MADE UP.

I WAS DRAWING ON MY OWN EXPERIENCES.

YOU WANTED A LOT OF STORIES

AND I NEEDED A LOT OF MATERIAL.

I GUESS I UNDERSTAND.

THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE, AND THEY SURE LOVED EACH OTHER.

THAT'S WHY THEY DECIDED TO GET MARRIED

AND HAVE YOU.

SO WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?

WHERE ARE THEY NOW, GRANDPA?

HMM... YOU DON'T REMEMBER, DO YOU?

YOU WERE JUST A LITTLE FELLA.

( cooing )

GOOD BOY, ARNOLD.

YOU CAN MAKE IT.

THAT'S MY BOY.

YOU DID IT!

ONE DAY YOUR DAD'S OLD FRIEND EDUARDO CAME TO SEE THEM.

THERE WAS A DISEASE WIPING OUT WHOLE VILLAGES

IN REMOTE PARTS OF HIS COUNTRY--

VILLAGES THAT HADN'T SEEN AN OUTSIDER

SINCE YOUR PARENTS USED TO FLY IN WITH MEDICINE.

I'M SORRY, EDUARDO, WE HAVE A BABY BOY NOW.

THAT PART OF OUR LIVES IS OVER.

WE CAN'T GO WITH YOU, MY FRIEND.

Eduardo: BUT YOU TWO WERE MY LAST HOPE.

THESE MOUNTAIN PEOPLE MAY DIE OUT FOREVER.

PLEASE, MY OLD FRIEND, I'M BEGGING YOU.

FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN--

ONE LAST MISSION, PLEASE.

WE WON'T BE GONE LONG.

YOU BE A GOOD BOY, OKAY?

WE'LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK, BUDDY.

WE'LL GO TO THE PARK.

MOMMY LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

DADDY LOVES YOU, ARNOLD.

BYE, MOMMY.

BYE, DADDY.

AND SO THEY LOADED UP THEIR PLANE

AND TOOK OFF FOR ONE LAST TIME.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM, GRANDPA?

THEY NEVER CAME BACK.

NEVER HEARD FROM THEM AGAIN.

WHAT ABOUT THEIR PLANE?

IT WAS NEVER FOUND.

SO THEY COULD

JUST BE LOST.

AND MAYBE SOMEDAY

THEY MIGHT COME BACK.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S POSSIBLE, ARNOLD.

IT'S NOT VERY LIKELY, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE.

GRANDPA, THANKS FOR TELLING ME THE TRUTH.

YOU'RE GROWING UP, AREN'T YOU, SHORT MAN.

Arnold: MOMMY!

DADDY!

MOMMY! DADDY!

MOMMY... DADDY...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF BED, SHORT MAN?

I'M... I AM SCARED.

I CAN'T FIND MY MOMMY AND DADDY.

OH, NOW, DON'T CRY, YOU POOR LITTLE FELLA.

HEY, HOW ABOUT I TELL YOU

A WARM, MYTHICAL BEDTIME STORY TONIGHT?

YEAH, THAT'S THE TICKET.

DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME YOUR MOM AND DAD

WORKED FOR A MIDGET CIRCUS IN PEKING?

NO, TELL ME THE STORY.

OH, WHY, THEY'RE NATURAL-BORN ACROBATS

YOUR MOM AND DAD.

THEY CAN WALK A HIGH WIRE

JUST LIKE STROLLING DOWN THE SIDEWALK.

COMES FROM YEARS OF CROSSING ROPE BRIDGES IN MOZAMBIQUE.

THAT'S A COUNTRY IN AFRICA, YOU KNOW.

( crowd gasps, then screams )

WHAT'S A COW POKE LIKE YOU DOING WITHOUT HIS HORSE?

CLIMB ON BACK.

SAY "GIDDYUP."

GIDDYUP.

( horse whinnies. Arnold giggles )

Grandpa: THATTABOY, ARNOLD!

THAT'S THE RIGHT STUFF.

OFF WE GO INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER!

( airplane engine buzzing )

( chewing loudly and grunting )

THIS OATMEAL IS AWFULLY RUNNY, POOKIE.

THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S MISO SOUP.

YOU NEED WARRIOR STRENGTH ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE TODAY.

OH, POOKIE, WE BETTER FORGET

ABOUT THE PARENTS' TOURNAMENT.

I TALKED TO ARNOLD LAST NIGHT...

Arnold: MORNING, GRANDPA.

MORNING, GRANDMA.

OH, HI, ARNOLD.

I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COMING.

SLEEP WELL?

SORT OF-- I HAD INTERESTING DREAMS.

YOU'RE STILL THINKING OF THAT STORY

ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?

YEAH, I AM.

WELL THEN, GOT ANY IDEAS

WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO DO TODAY?

GO FISHING MAYBE

OR DOWN TO THE AQUARIUM?

MAYBE WE CAN GO BACK TO THE PARENTS' TOURNAMENT.

REALLY? BUT I THOUGHT

YOU SAID IT WAS JUST FOR KIDS WITH ACTUAL PARENTS.

YEAH, BUT FOR ME, THAT MEANS YOU AND GRANDMA.

MAN THE BATTLE STATIONS!

WE'LL FIGHT THEM IN THE TRENCHES!

WE'LL FIGHT THEM ON THE BEACHES.

WE'LL GIVE THEM HECK, HARRY!

THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE A TEAM.

NOTHING CAN STOP US!

I'M GOING TO WIN THAT TROPHY

OR MY NAME'S NOT BIG BOB PATAKI.

WELCOME BACK, PARENTS, KIDS, TO OUR FINAL DAY

OF PARENTS' TOURNAMENT WEEKEND.

( enthusiastic cheering )

STEADY AS SHE GOES.

YOU CAN DO IT, POOKIE.

PUT SOME HUSTLE IN IT, MIRIAM-- COME ON!

I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN, B.

DON'T LET THAT OLD BAG AND THE ORPHAN KID BEAT YOU.

IT'S BEST-PARENT DAY

NOT SCREW- EVERYTHING-UP DAY.

I BEG YOUR PARDON!

JUST GET THE KID ON MY BACK.

( whistle blows )

I'M SORRY, MR. PATAKI

BUT DROPPING YOUR DAUGHTER DISQUALIFIES YOU

IN THIS COMPETITION.

DON'T TELL ME-- MIRIAM'S THE ONE WHO DROPPED HER.

I'M SORRY, MR. PATAKI, BUT THOSE ARE THE RULES

AND, UM, I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.

DAD, JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, OKAY?

DON'T TELL ME TO FORGET ABOUT IT, LITTLE LADY.

Simmons: AND FOR THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE, WE HAVE THE TRIATHLON

WHERE THE CONTESTANTS MUST PASS THEIR BATONS TO THEIR TEAMMATES

IN A SERIES OF GRUELING EVENTS

ENDING IN THE BALANCE BEAM GELATIN JOUST.

I MADE THAT UP.

FIRST TEAMS UP ARE HELGA'S AND...

THE OLDEST LIVING AMERICAN.

HA! A LOT YOU KNOW.

I'M THE SECOND OLDEST!

SHE'S THE OLDEST.

ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!

Woman: GO, GRANDMA, GO, GO!

( all gasp )

( crowd resumes whistling and cheering )

THIS GELATIN MOLD'S GOT YOUR NAME ON IT, PATAKI.

GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT.

I'LL LET YOU HAVE ONE FOR FREE.

I DON'T NEED YOUR CHARITY.

( both grunting )

FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY.

STING LIKE A BEE, I ALWAYS SAY.

OKAY, NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.

CAREFUL, I ONLY HAVE ONE HIP

AND IT'S IN MY OTHER PANTS.

Pataki: HE'S DOWN.

IT'S ALL OVER, PEOPLE.

WAIT! ARNOLD'S GRANDPA HASN'T FALLEN OFF.

HE'S STILL IN THE GAME

UNLESS HIS BODY TOUCHES THE GELATIN DESSERT.

WAIT! I'LL CHECK, MR. SIMMONS.

GO FOR MY DAD'S ANKLES.

THEY'RE ALREADY LOADED DOWN TO THE MAX.

HE'S STILL IN THE CLEAR.

WHOOPSIE-DAISY!

BACK FOR MORE, ARE YOU?

GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY.

( yelling )

HOLD IT! DID I HEAR

A BEEPER GO OFF?

( applause and cheering )

NOW I'VE TOTALED UP THE SCORES FROM BOTH DAYS.

THE WINNERS WITH THE HIGHEST COMBINED SCORE

ARE PHOEBE, REBA AND KYO HEYERDAHL.

HEY, PHOEBE!

HELGA! A LITTLE HELP HERE!

( airplane engine buzzing )

and NICKELODEON