Original subtitles

( orchestra tuning up... )

( one person applauds )

( footsteps )

( overture playing... )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

( class bell ringing )

TAKE A PICTURE, ARNOLDO, IT'LL LAST LONGER.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT THIS GREEN STUFF IS.

WHO CARES WHAT IT IS?

IT'S GREEN, IT'S IN A DISH.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO EAT IT, PUT IT ON YOUR TRAY.

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EAT IT, MOVE ALONG.

HELGA, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ACT SO MEAN.

YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BAD.

BUT DEEP DOWN, I DON'T THINK YOU ARE.

YOU'RE PROBABLY A NICE, NORMAL, SENSITIVE PERSON.

MAYBE ONE DAY, YOU WON'T BE SO AFRAID TO SHOW IT.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW, FOOTBALL HEAD?

I AM BAD, AS BAD AS THEY COME.

I'M BAD TO THE BONE, BUCKO, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!

OKAY, HELGA, WHATEVER YOU SAY.

HUH... ARNOLD.. WHAT A BOOB.

WHAT AN ANNOYING LITTLE

SMARTYPANTS KNOW-IT-ALL.

HOW I DESPISE HIM.

AND YET... ( gulps )

I LOVE HIM.

HIS NOBLE CURIOSITY.

HIS COOL, KEEN POWERS OF OBSERVATION.

HIS UNFALTERING SENSE OF RIGHT AND WRONG.

OH, IF ONLY I COULD FIND THE STRENGTH TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH I ADORE HIM.

IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME WAY I COULD LET HIM KNOW.

SOME WAY I COULD WHISPER MY SECRET ADORING THOUGHTS, SOOTHE HIS FEVERED BROW, AND--

DARE I EVEN THINK IT?--

KISS THE LIPS THAT HAUNT MY GIRLISH DREAMS.

OH, IF ONLY... IF ONLY.

HELGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?

NOTHING. I JUST DROPPED A QUARTER, THAT'S ALL.

A QUARTER?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, A QUARTER.

NOW GO GET ME A MILK!

AND STEP ON IT, PHOEBE!

MAKE IT CHOCOLATE, WITH A BENDY STRAW!

PHEW!

( kids talking... )

CLASS, I HAVE AN EXCITING AND VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.

I HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO DIRECT P.S. 118's ANNUAL SCHOOL PLAY

AND I'VE CHOSEN ONE OF THE THEATER'S GREAT WORKS FOR YOU ALL TO PERFORM:

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S ROMEO AND JULIET.

ISN'T THAT JUST THRILLING?

( crickets chirping )

AHEM... LIGHTS.

THE PLAY IS A TRAGIC AND BEAUTIFUL STORY

OF TWO STAR-CROSSED TEENAGERS IN LOVE.

ALTHOUGH THEIR FAMILIES WERE SWORN ENEMIES

WHEN ROMEO AND JULIET'S EYES MET ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM

THEY BOTH FELL HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE.

THEIR PARENTS AND FRIENDS WANTED TO KEEP THEM APART, BUT THEY VOWED... YES, STINKY?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A MUSHY OLD LOVE STORY.

WHY CAN'T WE DO A PLAY WITH SOME FIGHTING IN IT?

WELL, STINKY, ALTHOUGH ROMEO AND JULIET IS A LOVE STORY

THERE'S PLENTY OF ACTION.

IN FACT, TWO OF THE CHARACTERS, ROMEO AND TYBALT

BECOME EMBROILED IN AN EXCITING SWORD FIGHT.

NOW, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

I WANT TO BE IN THE SWORD FIGHT!

MAYBE YOU CAN, HAROLD.

AUDITIONS WILL BE THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU'RE ALL WELCOME TO COME AND TRY OUT.

( class bell rings, kids talk excitedly )

FOURTH GRADERS DOING ROMEO AND JULIET-- WHAT A DOPEY IDEA.

WELL, I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING, THERE'S NO WAY HELGA G. PATAKI

IS GOING TO BE IN ANY DUMB SHAKESPEARE PLAY.

Stinky ( auditioning ): NOW WHEN THE BRIDEGROOM IN THE MORNING

COMES TO ROUSE THEE FROM THY BED, THERE ART THOU DEAD.

WONDERFUL, STINKY! YOU'LL MAKE A VERY SPECIAL FRIAR LAURENCE.

DO I GET TO STAB SOME FELLAS?

NOT EXACTLY, STINKY-- FRIAR LAURENCE IS A KIND AND WISE MAN OF THE CLOTH.

AW, GEE.

TYBALT, YOU RAT-CATCHER, WILL YOU WALK?

WHAT WOULDST THOU HAVE WITH ME?

GOOD KING OF CATS

NOTHING BUT ONE OF YOUR NINE LIVES

I MEAN TO MAKE BOLD WITHAL!

WILL YOU PLUCK YOUR SWORD OUT OF ITS PILCHER BY THE EARS?

I AM FOR YOU!

TYBALT, MERCUTIO, THE PRINCE HATH EXPRESSLY FORBID

THIS BANDYING IN VERONA STREETS.

( moaning and groaning dramatically )

WONDERFUL, CURLY!

YOU'LL MAKE A TERRIFIC MERCUTIO.

HAROLD, YOU HAVE A VERY SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH TYBALT.

AND I THINK WE'VE FOUND OUR ROMEO IN EUGENE.

I GET TO PLAY ROMEO?

YOU'RE PERFECT!

ROMEO, THE BRAVE, BROODING ROMANTIC YOUTH

WHO RISKS IT ALL

FOR LOVE.

ROMEO, WHO SHARES A KISS WITH JULIET IN THE LAST ACT...

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

WHOEVER HAS TO BE ROMEO HAS TO KISS A GIRL?

HAROLD, IT'S ONE OF THE MORE BEAUTIFUL MOMENTS IN THE PLAY.

( laughing )

KISS A GIRL?

THAT REALLY BITES.

I WOULD PREFER NOT TO HAVE TO KISS A GIRL.

BUT... WE NEED A ROMEO.

HE'S VERY IMPORTANT.

THAT'S TOO DISGUSTING, EVEN FOR ME.

I'M NOT DOING IT.

SOMEONE HAS TO PLAY ROMEO.

YOU CAN'T HAVE ROMEO AND JULIET WITHOUT A ROMEO.

ROMEO IS A WONDERFUL PART.

THE KISSING IS JUST ONE SMALL SCENE.

BOY... BOYS! BOYS, WAIT, COME BACK.

YOU GET TO KILL TYBALT

WITH A SWORD.

OH...

BRAVO, SIMMONS.

MR. LEICHLITER, IS THAT YOU?

INDEED, IT IS I.

IT APPEARS I AM THE ONLY MEMBER OF YOUR AUDIENCE LEFT. ( chuckles )

IF THIS PRODUCTION IS EVEN HALF AS BAD AS THE LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

THAT YOUR THIRD-GRADE CLASS FUMBLED THROUGH LAST YEAR

THEN I SHALL ENJOY DESCRIBING ITS EVERY PATHETIC FLAW AND FAULT

IN MY REVIEW IN THE BIWEEKLY BUGLE.

I PROMISE YOU, LEICHLITER, THESE VERY SPECIAL CHILDREN

WILL PUT ON A ROMEO AND JULIET THAT WILL MOVE YOU AND THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE TO TEARS.

YES, TEARS FROM THEIR HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER.

METHINKS YOU PRETEND TOO MUCH, SIMMONS.

WELL, METHINKS I SHALL PROVE YOU WRONG.

IF THE SPEECHES FROM YOUR YOUNG CHERUBS' LIPS DOTH NOT SING

THERE WILL BE NO FORCE THAT WILL REMOVE THE STING

WHICH FROM MY NIMBLE FINGERS MY SCATHING REVIEW WILL WING.

( chuckles ) IT EVEN RHYMES.

YOU'LL SEE.

Phoebe: "THE FOLLOWING GIRLS HAVE CALLBACKS FOR THE ROLE OF JULIET

LILA, SHEENA, PHOEBE--" THAT'S ME!

RHONDA, YOU GOT A CALLBACK, TOO.

NATURALLY, SHEENA.

I GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT THIS AFTERNOON

WHO'S GOING TO PLAY JULIET.

I WANT YOU GIRLS TO KNOW BEFOREHAND

THAT I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD.

RHONDA, THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU.

YEAH.

ARNOLD! I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

I WANT YOU TO PLAY ROMEO.

MR. SIMMONS, THAT'S A REALLY BIG PART.

THERE'S A LOT OF LINES TO LEARN AND I...

I NEED YOU TO PLAY ROMEO.

THAT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU BUT I'M SURE SOMEBODY..

I'VE ALREADY ASKED EVERYBODY ELSE-- YOU'RE MY LAST HOPE.

SO I'M THE LAST GUY ON YOUR LIST?

YES, BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.

WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THE PLAY.

I DON'T KNOW, MR. SIMMONS.

ALL THOSE LINES, AND THEN THERE'S THAT KISSING THING.

PLEASE, I'M COUNTING ON YOU. BE ROMEO. PLEASE.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

( sighs )

OKAY, I WILL PLAY ROMEO.

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THANKS AGAIN, ARNOLD.

AND I JUST HEARD

ARNOLD'S GOING TO PLAY ROMEO.

IT'S NOT A BAD CHOICE. I MEAN...

IF JULIET HAS TO KISS ROMEO, IT COULD BE WORSE.

( all agreeing )

( giggling )

ARNOLD'S PLAYING ROMEO?

AND ROMEO AND JULIET ACTUALLY KISS ON STAGE?

THEN THAT MEANS MAYBE I... YES, YES, THIS IS IT!

THE PLAY. THE PLAY'S THE THING, THE WAY FOR ME TO FINALLY TELL ARNOLD HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM.

WHAT COULD BE MORE PERFECT THAN THIS

TO CONFESS THE LOVE THAT DARE NOT PASS THESE LIPS

THAN SEAL THEM TO MY LOVE'S IN ONE SOUPY, TENDER KISS?

OH... ( kisses )

AND THE BEST PART IS, THERE'S NO RISK

BECAUSE IT WON'T BE ME DOING IT, IT'LL BE ME AS JULIET.

THEY'LL ALL THINK IT'S JUST ACTING.

WHAT A GREAT PLAN.

( toilet flushes )

OH, ROMEO, ROMEO, WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER AND REFUSE THY NAME, OR, IF THOU WILT NOT...

WHAT'S IN A NAME? THAT WHICH WE CALL A ROSE

BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS SWEET.

ROMEO, DOFF THY NAME, AND FOR THAT NAME, WHICH IS NO PART OF THEE, TAKE ALL MYSELF.

OH, THAT WAS TERRIFIC, RHONDA.

ALL, ALL OF YOU

WERE VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.

WELL, NOW THAT I'VE SEEN ALL THE JULIETS...

I'M HERE FOR THE JULIET CALLBACKS.

HELGA, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE FIRST AUDITIONS.

I HAD A DENTIST APPOINTMENT.

HELGA, I'VE ALREADY MADE MY DECISION.

I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO PLAY JULIET

BUT I CAN ONLY CHOSE ONE GIRL.

RHONDA WILL BE JULIET.

SHEENA, I'M AWARDING YOU FIRST UNDERSTUDY

PHOEBE, YOU'LL BE THE SECOND, AND, LILA

YOU'LL BE THE THIRD.

WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME?

HELGA, I APPRECIATE THE SUDDEN INTEREST AND ENTHUSIASM

SO I'M AWARDING YOU THE POSITION

OF FOURTH UNDERSTUDY FOR THE PART OF JULIET.

WHAT'S THAT IN ENGLISH?

THAT MEANS THAT IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT THAT RHONDA, SHEENA, PHOEBE AND LILA

ARE ALL-- FOR WHATEVER REASON-- UNABLE TO PERFORM THE PART

THEN YOU WILL PLAY JULIET.

SO IF THEY ALL DROP OUT, THEN I'M JULIET.

THAT'S RIGHT, BUT I SHOULD CAUTION YOU

THAT THE ODDS OF ALL FOUR DROPPING OUT ARE PRETTY UNLIKELY.

DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.

OH, I UNDERSTAND, MR. SIMMONS.

I'LL PLAY JULIET ALL RIGHT.

ALL I GOT TO DO IS KNOCK OFF RHONDA, SHEENA, PHOEBE AND LILA.

AND WHEN THE CURTAIN RISES, A MERE FORTNIGHT FROM NOW

I'LL BE JULIET TO ARNOLD'S ROMEO

WHEN WE TAKE OUR FINAL BOW.

( laughing... )

( gags and coughs )

( laughing... )

Grandpa: ROMEO AND JULIET, HUH?

AND YOU'RE PLAYING ROMEO?

YOU GOT YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU, SHORT MAN.

I KNOW. I HAVE TO LEARN SO MANY LINES.

I WILL HELP YOU, ARNOLD.

YOU, MR. HYUNH?

YES. I AM VERY DRAMATIC.

Grandpa: THAT'S A POLITE WORD FOR WHAT YOU ARE.

MR. SIMMONS, I'D LIKE TO VOLUNTEER TO BE HEAD COSTUMER.

WELL, THAT'S... WONDERFUL, HELGA.

SO GIVING AND THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

WHATEVER. I'LL START ON JULIET'S COSTUME TONIGHT.

I'M SURE YOU'LL DO A WONDERFUL JOB.

( crash, scream )

Harold: HELP!

( chuckling )

( sewing machine running, Helga laughing... )

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, THERE IS NO WAY

I'M WEARING THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A FROCK IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

BUT THIS IS JULIET'S COSTUME.

IF YOU'RE PLAYING JULIET, YOU HAVE TO WEAR IT.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG, HELGA.

I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TELL MR. SIMMONS

THAT JULIET'S COSTUME HAS TO BE ENTIRELY REDESIGNED FROM SCRATCH.

GEE, RHONDA, MR. SIMMONS DESIGNED THIS DRESS HIMSELF.

IF YOU TOLD HIM YOU DON'T LIKE IT, IT WOULD JUST CRUSH HIM.

I SIMPLY CANNOT WEAR THAT DRESS IN PUBLIC. IT'S HIDEOUS.

THEN I GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TELL MR. SIMMONS

THAT YOU HATE THE DRESS THAT HE LOVES AND SLAVED OVER FOR WEEKS.

EITHER THAT, OR, WELL, GEE...

WHAT, HELGA?

DROP OUT OF THE PLAY.

WHEN I WAS A BOY, I WAS ALSO IN THE SCHOOL PLAY OF ROMEO AND JULIET.

YOU WERE ROMEO?

NO, NO.

HE HAS TO KISS A GIRL.

IT IS TOO YUCKY.

NOW, I BELIEVE

YOU SHOULD BE ROMEO

AND I WILL BE JULIET.

OKAY.

YOU START.

FAREWELL.

I WILL OMIT NO OPPORTUNITY

THAT MAY CONVEY MY GREETINGS, LOVE, TO THEE.

OH, THINKEST... THOU WE SHALL EVER MEET AGAIN?

UH... I DOUBT IT NOT.

AND ALL THESE WOES SHALL SERVE FOR SWEET DISCOURSES IN OUR TIMES TO COME.

OH, GOD... I HAVE AN ILL-DIVINING SOUL.

SO, ANYWAY...

I'M REALLY SORRY, MR. SIMMONS

BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BACK OUT OF PLAYING JULIET

UH, ON... ON RELIGIOUS GROUNDS.

WELL, RHONDA, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT

BUT IF YOU'RE SURE...

I'M SURE.

SHEENA, COULD I SEE YOU FOR A MOMENT?

Sheena: I CAN'T BELIEVE

I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO PLAY JULIET.

YEAH... TAKE A POWDER, HONEY.

JULIET'S A GREAT PART, DON'T YOU THINK?

I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY GOTTEN THROUGH THE WHOLE PLAY YET.

WELL, IT'S A HUMDINGER

ESPECIALLY ALL THE VIOLENT PARTS.

VIOLENT PARTS?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

IT'S LOADED WITH VIOLENCE.

REAL BLOOD AND GUTS STUFF.

SWORD FIGHTS, ROTTING CORPSES.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AGAINST VIOLENCE.

THE SIGHT OF BLOOD MAKES ME QUEASY.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

YOU KNOW ABOUT THE END, RIGHT?

SHE'S IN A CRYPT-- YOU KNOW, A MAUSOLEUM--

FULL OF DEAD, ROTTING CORPSES AND BATS.

AND THEN SHE TAKES THIS BIG, SHARP, RUSTY DAGGER

AND SHE HOLDS IT UP HIGH OVER HER HEAD, AND THEN... ( grunts )

OH, IT'S GREAT-- REAL BLOODY, VIOLENT STUFF.

UM, HELGA, I'M NOT SURE I'M THE RIGHT GIRL FOR JULIET.

GEE, SHEENA, REALLY?

I'LL TELL MR. SIMMONS.

PHOEBE CAN PLAY THE PART.

I REALLY WANTED TO BE THE HEAD COSTUMER.

PERFECT-- START WITH THIS.

IT NEEDS A LOT OF WORK.

Phoebe: THANKS FOR HELPING ME

WITH MY LINES, HELGA.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I'M PLAYING JULIET.

YEAH, ME, EITHER-- TALK ABOUT PRESSURE.

YOU MUST BE REALLY NERVOUS.

NO, I'M CONFIDENT I CAN LEARN ALL MY LINES

AND PERFORM THE PART SUCCESSFULLY.

WELL, SURE, PHOEBE, BUT, I MEAN, THERE'S SO MANY LINES.

I MEAN, WHAT IF YOU FORGOT ONE?

OR WHAT IF YOU JUST COMPLETELY BLANK OUT

WITH ALL THOSE PEOPLE WATCHING YOU?

YOU'D BE HUMILIATED.

THEY'D ALL LAUGH AT YOU.

AND YOU'D BE LETTING DOWN MR. SIMMONS

AND ALL US KIDS WHO WORKED SO HARD ON THE SHOW.

I, I HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.

WHAT IF YOU'RE SUDDENLY STRUCK WITH AN ATTACK OF STAGE FRIGHT

AND YOU FREEZE OUT THERE, UNDER ALL THOSE HOT LIGHTS?

AND YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, AND EVERYTHING STARTS SPINNING

AND YOUR GLASSES FALL OFF, AND...

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

AS OF TODAY, WE HAVE ANOTHER NEW JULIET.

LILA WILL ASSAY THE ROLE

SINCE PHOEBE HAS DECIDED SHE WOULD RATHER BE OUR STAGE MANAGER.

THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH.

( applause... )

THREE DOWN...

ONE TO GO.

THEN I'LL ASSAY JULIET IN MR. SHAKESPEARE'S SHOW.

( laughing... )

HER EYES IN HEAVEN WOULD THROUGH THE AIRY REGION

STREAM SO BRIGHT...

Oskar: ARNOLD, I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING

TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR PLAY

SO I MADE SUZIE WRITE ALL YOUR LINES

ON THESE TINY PIECES OF PAPER.

WHEN YOU FORGET YOUR LINES

YOU PULL THEM OUT OF YOUR PANTS AND READ THEM.

ISN'T THAT CHEATING?

EXACTLY!

Mr. Hyunh: OSKAR!

MR. HYUNH?

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO CHEAT, OSCAR?

WHY CAN'T YOU ACT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON?

ME, WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU'RE WEARING A DRESS.

THAT IS TO HELP ARNOLD. I AM JULIET!

YOU'RE NOT JULIET, YOU'RE A SAD MAN WEARING A DRESS.

I AM JULIET, JULIET!

Helga: IT'S SUCH A VIOLENT PLAY, LILA.

ALL THOSE BLOODY SWORD FIGHTS.

DOESN'T IT DISGUST YOU?

NO. THE VIOLENCE UNDERSCORES THE REAL MEANING OF THE PLAY

WHICH IS THAT LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE LINES?

WHAT IF YOU BLOW IT ON STAGE?

I NEVER GET STAGE FRIGHT.

I FEEL OH-SO-COMFORTABLE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.

WHAT ABOUT THAT CRAZY COSTUME?

I'VE SEEN THE WORK SHEENA'S DONE ON THE DRESS.

I THINK IT'S JUST DELIGHTFUL.

LOOK, LILA... I HAVE TO PLAY JULIET.

WHY, HELGA?

BECAUSE I JUST DO, OKAY?!

WELL, IF YOU DON'T HAVE A REASON...

I HAVE A REASON... I JUST CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

IT ISN'T BY ANY CHANCE BECAUSE YOU LIKE ARNOLD, IS IT?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

IF THAT WAS THE REASON

IF YOU WANTED TO PLAY JULIET BECAUSE YOU LIKE ARNOLD

AND YOU WANTED TO KISS HIM OR SOMETHING

I SURE COULD UNDERSTAND THAT.

I GUESS I'D THINK IT WAS EVER SO SWEET.

AND I WOULDN'T MIND GIVING UP THE PART SO YOU COULD DO IT.

YOU MEAN, IF I SAID I LIKED ARNOLD

THEN YOU'D LET ME PLAY JULIET?

SURE, HELGA, BUT YOU DON'T, SO...

WAIT A MINUTE.

YES, HELGA?

STRICTLY HYPOTHETICALLY

IF I SAID I LIKED ARNOLD-- TALK ABOUT A CRAZY IDEA--

WOULD YOU SWEAR NEVER TO TELL A SOUL ABOUT IT?

I SUPPOSE SO, IF IT WAS A SECRET OR SOMETHING.

WOULD YOU ALSO UNDERSTAND-- HYPOTHETICALLY--

THAT IF I TOLD YOU I LIKED ARNOLD

AND YOU TOLD ANYBODY

THAT I WOULD STRANGLE YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS?

WELL, WELL, I'M SURE I WOULD NEVER TELL.

( whispers ): I LIKE ARNOLD.

PARDON? I COULDN'T HEAR YOU.

( mumbles )

HELGA, YOU'RE MUMBLING.

I... LIKE... ARNOLD!

OH, I'M HEAD OVER HEELS!

HOOK, LINE AND SINKER!

OVER THE MOON! LOOP THE LOOP!

WOW AND TOOT!

I'M IN LOVE WITH THE BOY!

HAPPY NOW?! HAPPY?

I KIND OF HAD A FUNNY FEELING YOU LIKED HIM.

SO CAN I HAVE THE PART?

OF COURSE, HELGA.

THANKS.

OH, AND REMEMBER, IF YOU TELL ANYONE... ( growls )

I PROMISE.

Mr. Simmons: I CAN'T UNDERSTAND

WHY SO MANY GIRLS WOULD DROP OUT OF THE PART OF JULIET.

IT'S A MYSTERY.

WELL, IT'S ALL UP TO YOU NOW, HELGA.

I'M JUST CONCERNED BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO REHEARSE AT ALL.

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN LEARN ALL THE LINES?

NO SWEAT. I GOT ALL NIGHT.

Helga: ...THEREFORE, PARDON ME

AND NOT IMPUTE THIS YIELDING TO LIGHT LOVE

WHICH THE DARK NIGHT HATH SO DISCOVERED.

LADY, BY YONDER BLESSED MOON I VOW...

OH, BOY.

COME ON, DAD, I GOT TO LEARN MY LINES BY TOMORROW NIGHT.

OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE.

LADY, BY YONDER BLESSED MOON I VOW...

OH, SWEAR NOT BY THE MOON, THE INCONSTANT MOON

THAT MONTHLY CHANGES

IN HER CIRCLED ORB...

ALL MY DAYS HAVE COME TO THIS.

MY SECRET HEART

SPENT IN ONE KISS.

AND THOUGH IT COMES FROM A PRETENDER

NOT ME, BUT JULIET THE SENDER

NAY, ARNOLD, TAKE MY KISS FOR TENDER... OH.

( knock on door )

Mrs. Pataki: HELGA?

WHAT?!

DID YOU REMEMBER TO TAKE YOUR CONSTIPATION MEDICINE?

YES, MIRIAM.

( groans )

( dog barking... )

( audience murmuring... )

( Harold laughing )

PEOPLE, PEOPLE, THIS IS IT.

IT'S ALMOST CURTAIN TIME.

PLEASE, REMEMBER YOUR CUES.

IF YOU GET MIXED UP, HELP EACH OTHER OUT.

CURLY, NO IMPROVISING.

THIS IS SHAKESPEARE.

I KNOW YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DO A GREAT JOB.

GET FROSTY.

( all murmuring )

OH...

IT'S GOING TO BE A FIASCO.

IT'S GOING TO BE A SMASH, YOU'LL SEE.

OUR PLAY IS ABOUT TWO FAMILIES IN VERONA, ITALY

WHO FEUD AND FIGHT AND HATE EACH OTHER VERY BITTERLY.

FROM ONE FAMILY COMES ROMEO, FROM THE OTHER, JULIET.

THESE TWO YOUNGSTERS FELL IN LOVE THE MOMENT THAT THEY MET.

NO ONE WISHES THEM TO BE TOGETHER, ALTHOUGH THAT IS THEIR AIM.

"I'LL LOVE ROMEO FOREVER," VOWS JULIET, "NO MATTER WHAT HIS LAST NAME."

THEY HAVE TO MEET IN SECRET ON A BALCONY AT NIGHT.

AND THE MORE THEY FALL IN LOVE, THE MORE THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY FIGHT.

IN THE END, THEY FIND A WAY TO JOIN FOREVER IN LOVE AND BLISS.

ROMEO AND JULIET DIE TOGETHER AFTER JUST ONE FINAL KISS.

I AM FOR YOU!

GENTLE MERCUTIO, PUT THY RAPIER UP.

COME, SIR, YOUR PASSADO.

TYBALT, MERCUTIO...

THE PRINCE HATH EXPRESSLY FORBID

THIS BANDYING IN VERONA STREETS.

BAH... DIE!

( grunting and groaning... )

( audience exclaims )

BUT SOFT, WHAT LIGHT

THROUGH YONDER WINDOW BREAKS?

IT IS THE EAST, AND JULIET IS THE SUN.

HER EYES IN HEAVEN...

( thud, grunts )

( laughter )

SO BRIGHT, THAT...

( chuckles nervously )

SO BRIGHT, THAT...

( snickers )

SO BRIGHT, THAT...

BIRDS WOULD SING AND THINK IT WERE NOT NIGHT.

YES! OKAY.

AY, ME...

SHE SPEAKS.

OH, SPEAK AGAIN, BRIGHT ANGEL.

PLEASE DON'T BE BAD, PLEASE DON'T BE BAD.

OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.

WHEREFORE ART THOU ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER AND REFUSE THY NAME

AND I'LL NO LONGER BE

A CAPULET.

ROMEO, ALL PALE... WHO ELSE? WHAT?

PARIS, TOO, AND STEEPED IN BLOOD.

AH, WHAT AN UNKIND HOUR

IS GUILTY OF THIS LAMENTABLE CHANCE.

( groans )

THE LADY STIRS.

( sighs )

OH, COMFORTABLE FRIAR, WHERE IS MY LORD?

I DO REMEMBER WELL WHERE I SHOULD BE.

AND THERE I AM.

WHERE IS MY ROMEO?

COME, COME AWAY.

THY HUSBAND IN THY BOSOM THERE LIES DEAD, AND PARIS, TOO.

STAY NOT TO QUESTION, FOR THE WATCH IS COMING.

COME, GO, GOOD JULIET.

I DARE NO LONGER STAY.

GO GET THEE HENCE, FOR I WILL NOT AWAY.

OKEY-DOKEY.

WHAT'S HERE?

A CUP CLOSED IN MY TRUE LOVE'S HAND?

POISON, I SEE, HATH BEEN HIS TIMELESS END.

OH, CHURL, DRUNK ALL AND LEFT NO FRIENDLY DROP TO HELP ME AFTER?

I WILL KISS THY LIPS.

HAPLY SOME POISON YET DOTH HANG ON THEM

TO MAKE ME DIE WITH A RESTORATIVE.

OKAY, GIRLS... THIS IS IT.

THE KISS.

( kissing... )

( still kissing... )

( still kissing )

( sighs loudly )

YEA, NOISE... THEN I'LL BE BRIEF.

OH, HAPPY DAGGER, THIS IS THY SHEATH.

THERE RUST AND LET ME DIE!

( screaming and groaning )

( moaning )

( cheering and applause )

BRAVO!

BRAVO!

BRAVO!

( crying )

( cheering and applause... )

I GUESS WE DID ALL RIGHT, HELGA.

I GUESS SO, EXCEPT FOR THAT DISGUSTING KISS. YUCK.

I PRACTICALLY THREW UP.

THEN WHY DID YOU KISS ME SO LONG?

HEY, I WAS ACTING, FOOTBALL HEAD.

I WAS JUST BEING PROFESSIONAL.

YOU THINK I WANTED TO DO THAT?

I PRACTICALLY GAGGED.

( sighs )

WHATEVER YOU SAY, HELGA.

( sighs )

( cheering and applause )

and NICKELODEON

Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]