Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

( school bell rings )

OKAY, CLASS, I HOPE

YOU'LL PAY PARTICULAR ATTENTION TO CHAPTER 12

WHEN WE DISCOVER THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF PARALLELOGRAMS!

KIND OF HARD TO SAY.

OH, ARNOLD.

SWEET PRINCE.

HOW I LOVE YOU.

AND THOUGH I MAY HIDE MY TRUE FEELINGS

I PRAY THAT ONE DAY YOU WILL KNOW THEM, MY LOVE.

OH, BOY! IT'S 2:00!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: TIME FOR HISTORY!

FOR THE NEXT HOUR, WE'LL WORK ON OUR LEWIS AND CLARK DIORAMAS.

NOW, WE ALREADY PICKED OUR TEAMS YESTERDAY

SO JOIN YOUR DESKS TOGETHER AND WE'LL START.

AT LAST, MY LOVE, THE HISTORY PROJECT!

AFTER WEEKS OF MACHIAVELLIAN SCHEMING

I'VE ARRANGED TO WORK SIDE BY SIDE WITH YOU

ON THE LEWIS AND CLARK DIORAMA.

OH, WHAT AN EXPEDITION IT WILL BE.

ARNOLD, DARLING

HAND ME THAT BRUSH, WOULD YOU?

YES, ANGEL.

THERE'S A LOVE.

AND HELGA?

YES, MY LOVE?

HELGA? HELGA.

YES, MY L...

I MEAN, WHAT?!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, FOOTBALL HEAD?

I WAS ASKING YOU TO MOVE YOUR DESK.

YEAH, YEAH, JUST DON'T CROWD ME.

( kids chattering )

MAN, PHOEBE, WE DREW THE SHORT STRAWS ON THIS TEAM.

LOOK AT THE CLOWNS WE HAVE TO WORK WITH:

FOOTBALL HEAD AND TALL HAIR BOY.

I'M QUITE LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH THEM.

I'D PREFER ROOT CANAL.

OKAY, LISTEN UP.

I GOT DIBS ON THE PAINTS.

PHOEBE MAKES THE NATIVE AMERICANS.

I'VE DESIGNED COSTUMES FOR THE MANDANS, CHINOOK

AND, MY FAVORITE SHOSHONE, SACAGAWEA.

ISN'T IT SACAJAWEA?

WHATEVER. THAT LEAVES BUFFALO

FOR YOU, SO HOP TO IT.

I'D LIKE TO DO SOME PAINTING, TOO.

I AM IN CHARGE OF PAINT, AND OF THE BACKGROUNDS.

YOU MAKE BUFFALO, SAVVY?

MAKE YOUR OWN BUFFALO.

YOU ARE MAKING THE BUFFALO, ARNOLDO.

I AM NOT MAKING THE BUFFALO, HELGA.

PRETTY GOOD BUFFALO, ARNOLD.

THANKS.

YOU CALL THAT BLOB A BUFFALO?

YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN

THAT IF IT'S GOING IN MY DIORAMA.

YOU STINK! I CAN'T BELIEVE

I GOT STUCK WORKING WITH YOU.

( growls )

Mr. Simmons: WHO NEEDS PAINT OR GLUE?

NO, NOT YOU, HAROLD.

DID EVERYONE BRING A BOX?

I'VE GOT AN OATMEAL BOX HERE

SOME GLUE AND, SOMEWHERE, A BIG BOX OF FEATHERS.

( Helga chuckling )

EW!

( laughs )

HEY, LOOK, ARNOLD'S A BIRD.

( all laughing )

Gerald: LOOK AT YOU, ARNOLD.

YOU GOT TO GET BACK AT HER.

WHAT WOULD THAT PROVE?

IT'S BETTER TO IGNORE HER.

DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING.

Helga: HEY, ZYGOTE, LOOK UP.

HUH?

NOW LOOK DOWN.

( kids laughing )

OH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

STEPPED RIGHT IN IT.

LOOK AT HIM-- WHAT A MAROON.

( laughing )

FEATHERS ON HIS BUTT...

GUM ON HIS SHOE...

HE'S KILLING ME!

( sighs )

YES, LAUGH, HELGA, LAUGH.

YET IT IS A HOLLOW SOUND.

OH, ARNOLD.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I SCHEME FOR WEEKS FOR THE CHANCE TO BE BESIDE YOU

AND THIS IS HOW I SHOW MY JOY

BY GLUING FEATHERS TO YOUR BUTT?

OH, ARNOLD.

WOULD THAT YOU COULD SEE THROUGH THIS VAIN DISGUISE

AND REALIZE THAT MY CRUELTIES

ARE MERELY A LOST AND LONELY SOUL'S CRY FOR ATTENTION!

YES, AND LOVE.

ALAS.

( clank, nasal breathing )

( growls )

( barking, cats screeching )

( karate yell )

( dejectedly ): HI, GRANDMA.

AH, GRASSHOPPER.

HOW WAS SCHOOL?

TERRIBLE. THIS GIRL AT SCHOOL WON'T STOP BUGGING ME.

( karate yell )

SHE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

( yells )

I'M REALLY FED UP, GRANDMA.

I WISH I KNEW WHAT TO DO.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY A LITTLE GIRL

WOULD BEHAVE LIKE THAT.

WHAT WERE YOU LIKE

WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL?

WELL, I THINK I WAS QUITE SWEET.

I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING

BEFORE LAST WEEK, ACTUALLY.

( sighs )

JUST REMEMBER, ARNOLD.

VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER.

( karate shriek, splat )

THANKS, GRANDMA.

I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.

THAT YOU, SHORT MAN?

HI, GRANDPA.

OOH, BAD DAY?

UH-HUH.

CLASSMATE PICKING ON YOU AGAIN?

THE ONE WITH THE PINK BOW AND ONE EYEBROW?

YEAH. WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS PICK ON ME?

SOUNDS LIKE MAYBE SHE LIKES YOU, ARNOLD.

HELGA? ARE YOU KIDDING?

COME ON, SHE PICKS ON YOU IN PARTICULAR.

SOMETIMES I SEE HER JUMPING ROPE OUT FRONT

LIKE SHE WAS WAITING FOR YOU

TO COME OUT OR SOMETHING.

YEAH, SO SHE CAN CALL ME

FOOTBALL HEAD, YUTZ AND PASTE-FOR-BRAINS.

SEE, THAT'S MY POINT.

THAT'S CRAZY, GRANDPA.

SHE HATES ME.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE

I HAD THE SAME KIND OF GIRL TROUBLE MYSELF.

REALLY?

GIVE ME ONE OF THEM COOKIES

AND I'LL TELL YOU A STORY.

NO, NOT THAT ONE.

AH, YES!

OATMEAL RAISIN.

BACK IN THE '20s

THERE WERE ONLY 12 OF US KIDS

IN THE WHOLE GRADE SCHOOL.

BUT THERE WAS ONE GIRL IN PARTICULAR

THAT GAVE ME NO END OF TROUBLE.

WENT BY THE NAME OF GERTY.

THAT GERTY WAS DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE.

ALWAYS CALLING ME NAMES.

MOVE IT, CHIN BOY!

I'M WALKING HERE.

WE'RE TRYING TO PLAY MARBLES HERE!

AND ALWAYS MAKING FUN OF MY BATTING STANCE

WHEN WE PLAYED STICKBALL.

( laughing ) LOOK AT THAT MOTION.

YOU SWING LIKE A LITTLE NANCY BOY.

COULDN'T SWING YOUR WAY OUT OF A PAPER BAG.

( laughing )

( grunts )

STEE-RIKE THREE!

EVERYWHERE I TURNED

SHE WAS PULLING SOME PRANK.

YOW!

SHE ALWAYS MANAGED

TO GET ME BLAMED FOR IT.

'TWAS PHILIP WHO DID IT, MRS. CRENSHAW.

( crying )

OW!

( laughing )

OH, I GOT QUITE A WHACKING FOR THAT ONE.

EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH.

UNCANNY, ISN'T IT, ARNOLD?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

I ASKED MY FATHER FOR ADVICE.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

"NEVER EAT RASPBERRIES."

ONLY ADVICE HE EVER GAVE ME.

GOOD ADVICE, ACTUALLY.

THAT'S IT?

I NEED REAL ADVICE, GRANDPA.

YOU TRY IGNORING HER?

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING MY WHOLE LIFE.

YOU COULD SKIP TOWN, CHANGE YOUR IDENTITY

GROW A BEARD AND OPEN A BLACKSMITH SHOP.

NAH, THAT'S NO GOOD, IS IT?

WELL, FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS.

THAT'S WHAT I DID.

DID IT WORK?

Grandma: ♪ DINNER! ♪

WATERMELON AGAIN, POOKIE?

HAI.

OH, MY STOMACH.

( bell rings )

( slow whirring... )

OH, MY LOVE.

ANOTHER DAY.

A CLEAN SLATE.

ANOTHER CHANCE TO GET ALONG WITH YOU.

TODAY I WILL TRY TO BE KIND.

THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW.

( gulps )

THAT'S A-A...

A NICE BUFFALO THERE, ARNOLD.

HUH? THANKS, HELGA.

( whimpers softly )

I MEAN, YEAH, IF YOU WANT

TO CALL A PATHETIC LITTLE BLOB A BUFFALO.

Mr. Simmons: CLASS, SEE ME IF YOU NEED ANY MORE PAINT.

I'VE GOT PLENTY OF YELLOW

FOR DAKOTA'S GREAT PLAINS.

YOU GOT ANY PURPLE FOR MY MOUNTAIN MAJESTIES?

COME ON, HELGA.

LET ME PAINT SOMETHING.

FORGET IT, BUFFALO BOY.

I'M DOING THE PAINTING, NOT YOU.

GIVE ME THE PAINT.

YOU WANT THE PAINT? HERE!

HEY!

( shrieks )

( all gasp )

GOOD HEAVENS!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD, THIS IS SO NOT LIKE YOU.

AS MUCH AS IT HURTS ME, I'M, I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE

TO GIVE YOU DETENTION FOR THIS.

LOOK. THERE'S GERTY ROLLING ME IN HONEY

AND STAKING ME OUT

ON TOP OF AN ANTHILL.

OH, THAT MISCHIEVOUS

PIG-TAILED LITTLE IMP!

( chuckling )

AH, MERCY.

HI, GRANDPA.

WELL! IF IT ISN'T YOUNG ARNOLD, HOME FROM SCHOOL.

HOW COME YOU'RE ALL COVERED IN PAINT?

HELGA POURED IT ON ME, SO I POURED SOME ON HER.

WHAT?! YOU... OH, MY WORD.

YOU'VE SNAPPED, ARNOLD!

YOU'VE TURNED INTO A VICIOUS, PAINT-POURING THUG!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!

WHY DIDN'T YOU FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS LIKE I SAID?!

I DID, GRANDPA.

I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT

THOSE INSTINCTS.

I MEANT YOUR GOOD ONES.

( sighs ) I KNOW, GRANDPA.

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

WELL, YOU MAY BE STUCK

WITH THIS GIRL FOR A LONG TIME

SO YOU BETTER TRY AND MAKE PEACE.

YEAH. I'M GOING TO CALL HELGA AND APOLOGIZE.

Helga ( tearily ): OH, ARNOLD.

WHAT HAVOC HAVE I WROUGHT

FORCING YOU TO BEHAVE SO BADLY?

WHERE IS MY KIND AND THOUGHTFUL, GENEROUS ARNOLD?

THE BOY WHO ALWAYS TURNED THE OTHER CHEEK?

GONE FOREVER.

ALAS.

( loud rapping on door )

YOUR LITTLE FRIEND ALFRED'S ON THE PHONE.

( things rattling )

ARNOLD?! CALLING ME?

AT MY HOUSE?

YEAH, ARNOLD. WHATEVER.

HE'S ON THE PHONE.

( sighs )

HELLO?

Helga? It's Arnold.

What do you want?

I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I'M SORRY ABOUT THE PAINT.

I GUESS I JUST... SNAPPED.

I was thinking maybe we could forget about today

AND, WELL, AGREE TO BE NICER TO EACH OTHER.

OH, ARNOLD!

SO KIND... SO JUST....

SO MORAL.

YOU COULDN'T HELP BUT RETURN TO THE WAYS I KNOW AND LOVE.

( swoons )

( thud )

Helga?

Are you there?

YEAH, AN AGREEMENT. SOUNDS GREAT.

Call my people, we'll draw up papers.

YEAH, IN YOUR DREAMS, FOOTBALL HEAD--

LIKE I'D EVER AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT ANYTHING!

AND DON'T CALL ME AT MY HOUSE

ever again, ever!

( sighs )

( chuckles abashedly )

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.

WELL, THAT TAKES CARE OF THAT.

OH, OH, YEAH. SHE'S OFF YOUR BACK

FOREVER, SHORT MAN.

NOW GO UPSTAIRS

AND CHANGE OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES.

IT'S ALMOST DINNERTIME, AND YOU GOT PAINT ALL OVER YOU.

( chuckles )

AH, YOUTH.

ISN'T THAT SWEET?

OH, WHAT AN ADORABLE LITTLE GIRL

I WAS BACK THEN.

YEP. YOU STILL GOT IT, POOKIE.

AW...

DID YOU MAKE WATERMELON

FOR DINNER AGAIN?

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

OH, NO, POOKIE, YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?!

DON'T START WITH ME.

OH, HERE WE GO.

JUST SAY YOU DID.

Mr. Simmons: CLASS, NEXT FRIDAY

P.S. 118 WILL BE HOLDING ITS ANNUAL SCHOOL DANCE.

OUR OWN RHONDA LLOYD IS IN CHARGE OF DECORATIONS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AND EUGENE WAS IN CHARGE OF PROCURING ENTERTAINMENT

BUT SINCE HIS RECENT

AND BIZARRE COLLISION

WITH A BUNNY FLOAT IN OUR EASTER PARADE

HIS DUTIES WILL GO TO ARNOLD.

I'M SURE ARNOLD WILL DO A WONDERFUL JOB

OF FINDING A CAPABLE MUSICAL ACT

TO ENTERTAIN US AT THE DANCE.

YOU BETTER GET SOMEBODY GOOD, ARNOLD.

THAT'S RIGHT, FOOTBALL HEAD.

NO LOSER POLKA BANDS.

YEAH.

Man: NO PROBLEM, KID.

I GOT THE BEST MUSICAL ACTS IN THE BUSINESS.

HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO SPEND?

SEVENTY-FIVE.

7,500, NO PROBLEM.

ACTUALLY, IT'S $75.

( hysterical laughter )

GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BUM.

( off-key and squeaky )

THAT WAS GREAT, UH, SHEENA.

I'LL BE IN TOUCH.

( raspy and out of tune ) ♪ OH, DANNY BOY ♪

♪ THE PIPES, THE PIPES ARE CALLING ♪

THAT'S GREAT, MR. GREEN.

( saxophone tooting badly )

OKAY, MR. KOKOSHKA, THAT'S ENOUGH.

WHEN DO I GET THE MONEY?

HI, SHORT MAN.

STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT SOMEBODY TO PERFORM?

YEAH.

OH, WAIT! I'VE GOT IT!

I CAN PLAY MY NOSE.

( nasal squeaking )

GRANDPA, I'M SERIOUS.

I HAVE TO FIND SOMEBODY REALLY GOOD

AND I HAVE TO FIND THEM NOW.

OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

( swing music plays )

NOW, LET'S THINK.

LET'S THINK HARD, ARNOLD.

THINK, THINK.

IS THAT DINO SPUMONI?

YOU'RE INTERRUPTING MY THINKING.

BUT I THINK I'VE GOT IT.

NO, YOU DON'T, 'CAUSE I'VE GOT IT.

DINO SPUMONI!

THAT'S WHAT I WAS...

OH.

YEARS AGO, DINO WAS THE TOP OF THE TOWN.

WE ALL LOVED DINO.

HE WAS HIP.

HE WAS IN THE GROOVE, MAN.

HE WAS SWINGING.

WAIT A MINUTE, GRANDPA.

WHY WOULD DINO SPUMONI

WANT TO PLAY AT A LITTLE PUBLIC SCHOOL DANCE?

HE'S A BIG STAR.

HE WAS BIG, ARNOLD.

BUT THE LAST FEW YEARS, HE'S GONE TO SEED.

FROM A BIG STAR

TO A WORTHLESS, PATHETIC HAS-BEEN.

NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR HIM SING.

THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU CAN GET HIM.

OR YOU CAN JUST GET YOUR FRIEND, SHEENA, TO PLAY CELLO.

SHE'LL BE A SENSATION, AND THE KIDS WILL LOVE HER.

AND WE'D LOVE YOU TO PLAY AT OUR SCHOOL DANCE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

FORGET IT, KID.

SURE, I USED TO BE GOOD.

I WAS KING OF SWING, PRINCE OF POP.

NOW I'M OLD HAT, A HAS-BEEN.

I MIGHT AS WELL FLOP DOWN WITH A DROOL CUP AND WAIT TO DIE.

I HAVEN'T PLAYED A DATE IN MONTHS.

LOOK AT ME, I'M 67 YEARS OLD.

SIXTY-NINE.

YOU'RE FIRED.

WHOOPEE!

I'M OUT OF HERE.

BYE-BYE, BABY.

LOOK, KID.

THAT GUY UP THERE IS WHAT I USED TO BE.

♪ THOSE LITTLE TEA CUPS FROM LIMOGES ♪

♪ YOUR WACKY PAINTINGS ON THE WALLS, DARLING... ♪

Arnold: IF YOU PLAYED SONGS LIKE THAT, THE KIDS WOULD LOVE YOU.

BUT I HAVEN'T PLAYED THOSE SONGS IN YEARS.

THEY'RE YESTERDAY'S NEWS.

NOT TO ME, AND NOT TO THE KIDS IN SCHOOL.

AH, KIDS TODAY, THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE OLD STUFF.

THEY WANT RAP AND GRUNT MUSIC.

YOU GOT TO BE STYLING

AND ALL THAT OTHER JIVE YOU KIDS ARE HEP TO.

HUH?

I TRIED TO KEEP UP.

LOOK AT THIS RECORD I MADE LAST YEAR.

♪ I'M IN THE HOUSE, BABY ♪

♪ STYLING ♪

♪ DINO'S IN THE HOUSE. ♪

IT SOLD LIKE A LEAD BALLOON.

NO, I GOT ONE CONCERT IN ME

MY FAREWELL CONCERT AT THE PALACE

THEN I'M HANGING UP MY PIPES.

MY AGENT WILL CALL ANY MINUTE WITH THE DETAILS.

I WROTE A NEW SONG CALLED "MY LAST BOW."

IT'S SO PATHETIC, IT'LL TEAR YOUR HEART OUT.

BUT, MR. SPUMONI...

( phone rings )

HI, MARTY.

SORRY, KID, BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW THE WAY OUT, RIGHT?

YEAH, MARTY, SO DID YOU GET THE PALACE?

THEY WON'T BOOK ME?

WHAT ABOUT THE PALLADIUM AND THE RIALTO?

NOBODY IN TOWN WILL BOOK ME?

HOW WILL I PLAY MY FAREWELL CONCERT?

THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.

HEY, WHAT ABOUT P.S. 118?

KID, I'M NOT PLAYING MY FAREWELL CONCERT

AT AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

I'M DOING IT AT THE PALACE.

WHAT IF THEY...

DON'T WORRY, THEY'LL BOOK ME.

MARTY, EITHER YOU GET ME THE PALACE

OR I'M GOING TO PLAY MY CONCERT AT P.S. 118.

THAT'S RIGHT, AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?

HELLO?

MARTY?

UH, ALL RIGHT, WHAT THE HECK.

YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL.

YOU MEAN YOU'LL PLAY AT OUR SCHOOL DANCE?

SURE, I'LL KNOCK 'EM DEAD.

WAIT TILL I TELL THE KIDS AT SCHOOL

I BOOKED DINO SPUMONI FOR OUR SCHOOL DANCE.

Helga: DINO SPUMONI?

THAT'S WHO YOU GOT FOR OUR SCHOOL DANCE?

HE'S REALLY GOOD.

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

THAT OLD FAT GUY?

I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD.

HE'S STILL ALIVE, STINKY, AND HE'S GOING TO BE GREAT.

HE BETTER BE GREAT, ARNOLD.

BECAUSE IF HE'S NOT

THE SCHOOL DANCE WILL BE RUINED

AND IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAULT.

DON'T WORRY.

HE'LL BE TERRIFIC.

I PROMISE.

STILL NERVOUS ABOUT THE SCHOOL DANCE, SHORT MAN?

A LITTLE. I HOPE THEY LIKE IT.

OH, DON'T WORRY.

DINO WILL BE A BIG HIT.

THE KIDS WILL LOVE HIM!

HE'LL KNOCK THEIR SOCKS OFF

AND IT'LL BE THE BEST SCHOOL DANCE EVER!

OR HE'LL BE A COMPLETE FLOP

AND EVERYONE WILL HATE HIM

AND THE WHOLE DANCE WILL BE RUINED

AND IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAULT.

( sighs )

( laughter )

AREN'T YOU GLAD I'M YOUR GRANDPA?

I'LL LEAVE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY, DINO?

SURE, KID, DON'T SWEAT IT.

I DONE THOUSANDS OF CONCERTS

AND THIS ONE'S NO DIFFERENT, EXCEPT IT'S MY LAST ONE.

WELL, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, LET ME KNOW.

STUDENTS OF P.S. 118

LET'S HEAR A BIG, SPECIAL WELCOME

FOR OUR MUSICAL ACT FOR THE EVENING, DINO SPUMONI!

HE BETTER BE GOOD, ARNOLD.

DON'T WORRY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

UH, I MEAN, BOYS AND GIRLS...

I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE AT THE PALACE...

UH, I MEAN, YOUR LITTLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

TO PERFORM MY LAST CONCERT.

I'VE HAD A LONG AND REWARDING CAREER

AND NOW THAT IT'S ALL KAPUT

I GUESS YOU CAN CALL THIS LITTLE SHINDIG MY SWAN SONG.

WELL, THE OLD GUY'S SURE RIVETING SO FAR, FOOTBALL HEAD.

THIS IS A SONG I WROTE JUST FOR THE OCCASION.

IT'S CALLED "MY LAST BOW."

♪ I ONCE WAS KING ♪

♪ THAT DAY IS GONE ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN DETHRONED ♪

♪ AND STONED ♪

♪ BY THE UNCARING THRONG ♪

♪ THEY'RE RINGING DOWN THAT CURTAIN NOW ♪

♪ I GUESS IT'S TIME ♪

♪ FOR MY LAST BOW... ♪

NICE GOING, ARNOLD.

♪ LIFE WAS A GAS ♪

♪ BUT THAT GAS HAS PASSED ♪

THIS GUY IS THE WORST.

♪ I'VE GONE FROM TOP OF THE POPS ♪

♪ TO THE BACK OF THE CLASS ♪

I SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME AND PONDERED MY WORKBOOKS.

♪ ...ADIEU AND CIAO ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S TIME FOR MY LAST BOW. ♪

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?

SAYING GOOD-BYE, ARNOLD.

SAYONARA, AU REVOIR, AUF WIEDERSEHN.

THE JIG'S UP, I KNOW IT, SO HERE'S TO THE OLD DAYS.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID.

I TRIED FOR 45 YEARS

AND FOR A WHILE IT WORKED PRETTY GOOD.

BUT THEN IT FELL APART LIKE WET NEWSPAPER.

NOBODY BOUGHT DINO SPUMONI RECORDS.

NOBODY CAME TO MY CONCERTS.

NOBODY BOOKED ME.

NOBODY.

I BOOKED YOU.

THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU WAS DESPERATE.

I ASKED YOU TO PLAY AT OUR DANCE

BECAUSE I REALLY LIKED YOUR OLD MUSIC.

I THOUGHT THE OTHER KIDS WOULD LIKE IT, TOO.

AND I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO PLAY IT.

NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THE OLD MUSIC.

NOBODY LIKES THAT STUFF ANYMORE.

NOT EVEN YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OF COURSE I LIKE THE OLD SONGS.

THAT'S WHO I AM, BABY.

THOSE SONGS ARE GREAT.

IF I SANG THOSE OLD SONGS RIGHT NOW

THEY'D KNOCK YOU RIGHT ON YOUR EAR.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?

YOU REALLY BLEW IT, ARNOLD.

YOU RUINED OUR SCHOOL DANCE.

IT'S NOT OVER TILL IT'S OVER.

OH, IT'S OVER, ARNOLD.

YEAH, THE OLD FAT GUY SANG, AND HE WAS JUST PLAIN ROTTEN.

ONCE AGAIN, DINO SPUMONI.

UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

UH, I MEAN, BOYS AND GIRLS

I KNOW YOU ALL CAME OUT HERE TONIGHT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

AND UP TILL NOW

YOU'VE BEEN HAVING A LOUSY TIME

LISTENING TO ME FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF

TALKING ABOUT GOOD TIMES

THAT I FIGURED WERE ALL OVER.

A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE

REMINDED ME THIS SCHOOL DANCE

ISN'T ABOUT ME HAVING A LOUSY TIME.

IT'S ABOUT YOUSE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

SO, I WANT TO SING AN OLD SONG YOU PROBABLY NEVER HEARD.

WHEN I WASN'T TOO MUCH OLDER THAN YOU

ME AND MY PALS USED TO LIKE IT.

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU MIGHT LIKE IT, TOO.

HIT IT, TONY.

( upbeat tempo )

♪ AIN'T NOTHING WORSE THAN FEELING YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ BABY, DOWN AND OUT IS A LOUSY NEIGHBORHOOD ♪

♪ THOSE KNOCK-DOWN, DRAG-OUT DAYS ♪

♪ FEEL LIKE TEN ROUNDS IN THE RING ♪

♪ BUT DON'T JUST HANG ON THE ROPES ♪

♪ GET BACK IN THE SWING... ♪

HEY, HE'S NOT HALF BAD.

♪ HEY, LISTEN UP, YOU PUNKS, I'M MAKING A POINT ♪

HE'S FANTASTIC!

YOU REALLY DID IT, ARNOLD.

WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA.

IT'S LIKE YOU KNEW THAT HE WAS SO OUT

THAT HE'S ACTUALLY IN.

♪ OH, I KNOW LIFE CAN BE CRUEL ♪

♪ ONE DAY SHE MAKES YOU A KING, AND THE NEXT YOU'RE A FOOL ♪

♪ IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE ♪

and NICKELODEON]

♪ SO JUMP RIGHT IN ♪

and NICKELODEON]

♪ SO JUMP RIGHT IN ♪

♪ 'CAUSE IT DON'T MEAN A THING IF IT AIN'T GOT THAT SWING! ♪

♪ I AIN'T THE HIPPEST CAT IN TOWN ♪

♪ BUT I'D RATHER BE A SWINGER THAN A CLOWN ♪

♪ SO CALL ME A FOOL ♪

♪ BUT THIS FOOL CAN SING ♪

♪ AND THAT'S ALL I NEED, I'M PACKED FOR THE TRIP ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY WAY, I'LL FATTEN YOUR LIP ♪

♪ HEY, LOOK AT ME NOW, I'M BACK IN THE SWING! ♪