Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

Helga: WHY'D YOU BUNT, ARNOLD?

WOLFGANG THREW YOU A CREAM PUFF.

YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK.

IT WAS THE RIGHT PLAY, HELGA.

IGGY WAS ON THIRD.

HE WAS THE GO AHEAD RUN.

SOMETIMES YOU SACRIFICE TO WIN.

WELL, THAT'S A GREAT THEORY, FOOTBALL HEAD

EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

WE LOST!

WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, WE'RE A TEAM.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO STICK TOGETHER

WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE, RIGHT?

YEAH, RIGHT, ARNOLD.

SEE YOU IN THE FUNNY PAPERS, LOSER.

SEE YOU, ARNOLD.

SEE YOU, STINKY.

ARNIE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

COACH WITTENBERG?

I LOOKED ALL OVER FOR YOU.

REPETITIVELY.

I WAS PLAYING BASEBALL.

I WENT FOR THE SACRIFICE BUNT, BUT WE LOST.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID, REPETITIVELY:

SACRIFICE PLAYS ARE FOR LOSERS?

THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO WIN!

WINNING IS EVERYTHING!

UH, RIGHT, COACH.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING

CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING.

TISH AND I ARE GETTING REMARRIED AGAIN

FOR A SECOND TIME, THIS SATURDAY.

THAT'S GREAT, COACH.

AND I WANT YOU TO BE MY BEST MAN.

ME?

RIGHT, ARNIE.

BUT, WHY ME?

A GUY'S BEST MAN SHOULD BE

HIS BEST FRIEND, RIGHT?

FROM MY LIST OF ALL MY FRIENDS

I CAME TO ONE CONCLUSION.

WHAT'S THAT?

I DON'T HAVE ANY.

EXCEPT YOU, ARNIE.

YOU CAPTAINED MY BOWLING TEAM.

YOU TAUGHT ME THAT PSYCHO, COLLEGE-Y JAZZ.

YOU ALWAYS BELIEVED IN ME.

YOU'RE MY ONLY REAL TRUE FRIEND, ARNIE.

AND I WANT YOU TO BE MY BEST MAN.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OKAY, COACH.

GREAT!

WHAT DO I DO?

A FEW SIMPLE THINGS:

INVITE YOUR FRIENDS.

WE NEED SOME USHERS, A RING BEARER.

AND HELP ME PICK OUT MONKEY SUITS.

I'LL WRITE THIS DOWN.

GOOD THINKING, ARNIE.

SO ANYWAY, HELGA.

SINCE YOU CAPTAINED MY BOWLING TEAM

AND MY COUSIN CONNIE'S OUT OF TOWN

I WANT YOU TO BE

MY MAID OF HONOR ON SATURDAY.

GEE, TISH, WOULD I WEAR

A FANCY-LOOKING DRESS WITH BOWS AND LACE

AND FRILLY LITTLE DOODADS?

OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I THINK

I'M BUSY SATURDAY.

OH, WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE

ARNOLD'S GOING TO BE THE COACH'S BEST MAN.

ARNOLD?

I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CUTE

TO WATCH YOU TWO WALK DOWN THE AISLE TOGETHER.

( joyful organ music )

Minister: DO YOU, HELGA, TAKE ARNOLD

AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?

I DO.

I DO.

I DO.

OH, I DO.

YOU DO WHAT?

WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING, "I DO, I DO"?

UM, BECAUSE I DO

AGREE TO BE YOUR MAID OF HONOR.

( giggles nervously )

WE LOOK LIKE UNDERTAKERS.

SHUCKS, I LIKE IT.

I RECKON I'LL KEEP IT OVER

A COUPLE EXTRA DAYS AND WEAR IT TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY.

STINKY, YOU'RE A WEIRD KID.

I KNOW, BUT I LOOK SNAZZY.

I LOOK LIKE A MORON.

WE'LL MAKE SOME ALTERCATIONS

AND YOU'LL LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL.

"ALTERCATIONS," HUH?

IT'S FUNNY, YOU REMIND ME OF ME

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

CLUMSY, AWKWARD, BIG FEET, ALWAYS SCOWLING--

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

I WAS ABOUT YOUR AGE WHEN I MET JACK

AND I ALWAYS HAD A THING FOR HIM.

BUT I WAS TOO SHY TO SAY.

SO I MADE FUN OF HIM

CALLED HIM NAMES

SO NOBODY WOULD KNOW I LIKED HIM.

I ALWAYS CHALLENGED HIM

AT GAMES AND SPORTS.

JACK HATES TO LOSE.

BUT ONCE, WE PLAYED WHACK-A-MOLE

DOWN AT THE BOARDWALK AND HE LET ME WIN.

NOW HE DIDN'T KNOW I KNEW

THAT HE LET ME WIN AND I SAID NOTHING.

THAT'S WHEN I KNEW HE LIKED ME LIKE I LIKED HIM.

AND EVER SINCE THEN, WE'VE BEEN LIKE THIS.

AND NOW WE'LL REMARRY AGAIN

REPETITIVELY, A SECOND TIME.

WHEN I THINK ABOUT HIM

I START FEELING ALL GOOFY INSIDE.

SOMEDAY WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, HELGA

YOU'LL FEEL ALL GOOFY ABOUT SOME GUY.

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING? NOT ME, SISTER!

I'LL NEVER FEEL GOOFY ABOUT ANY GUY.

I HATE THAT MUSHY STUFF.

AND I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED.

I DO.

I DO, I DO

I DO, I DO!

WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING, "I DO, I DO"?

BECAUSE I... DO REALLY LOVE THIS DRESS.

( giggles nervously )

Coach: THAT'S THE ONE.

IN THE MIDDLE WITH THE REAL BIG DIAMOND.

IT'S $6,000.

I MEANT THE ONE NEXT TO IT

WITH THE REAL SMALL CUBIC ZIRCONIUM.

THAT'S $450.

( groans )

THIS IS THE ONE.

THAT'S 25 CENTS, COACH.

PERFECT!

TISH'LL LOVE IT.

YOU KNOW, ARNIE, TISH MEANS A LOT TO ME.

THERE ARE TWO THINGS OF UTMOST IMPOTENCE TO ME:

TISH AND WINNING.

Arnold: BUT TISH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT, RIGHT?

Coach: NO, ARNIE

WINNING IS MOST IMPORTANT.

YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT TISH IS A CLOSE SECOND.

AND THEN AIR HOCKEY.

AIR HOCKEY'S THIRD, MAYBE SECOND.

NO, TISH IS SECOND... WELL, IT'S CLOSE.

WINNING, AIR HOCKEY, AND TISH.

THEY'RE ALL IN THE TOP THREE.

WELL, ARNIE, TONIGHT'S THE REHEARSAL DINNER

THEN TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY.

GREAT REHEARSAL, ARNIE.

OUR DEFENSE WAS DEFENSIVE

OUR OFFENSE WAS OFFENSIVE

AND OUR MAN-TO-MAN USHER COVERAGE

WAS IN THE ZONE.

EVERYTHING WENT GREAT.

NOTHING COULD GO WRONG NOW.

ARE YOU GOING TO EAT ALL THAT, JACK?

YEAH, I'LL EAT IT.

THAT'S WHY I PUT IT ON MY PLATE.

YOU CAN'T EAT ALL THAT.

OF COURSE I CAN.

AND WHAT'S MORE

I BET YOU I CAN CLEAN MY PLATE

FASTER THAN YOU CAN.

YOU'RE ON.

YOU'RE ON!

SCORE! I BEAT YOU, JACK.

THAT'S JUST THE FIRST ROUND.

FIRST ONE THROUGH A PLATE OF CHICKEN WINGS WINS.

YOU'RE ON!

YOU'RE ON.

I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA

TO COMPETE WITH YOUR WIFE NOW.

I CAN TAKE HER.

BUT, COACH...

SHE'S GOING DOWN!

TWO FULL ORDERS OF CHICKEN WINGS!

( grunting )

I WANT DO-OVERS.

I BEAT YOU FAIR AND SQUARE, JACK

IN FIVE OUT OF NINE EVENTS.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?

I'M NUMBER ONE.

NEVER!

I'LL NEVER ADMIT THAT, TISH.

I CHALLENGE YOU TO ONE GAME

OF AIR HOCKEY FOR THE WHOLE ENCHILADA.

TOMORROW MORNING, AT THE ARCADE.

WHOSOEVER WINS IS THE ALL-TIME CHAMPION

AND NUMBER ONE.

ALL RIGHT, JACK.

WHOSOEVER WINS TOMORROW IS THE BEST

AND NO DO-OVERS.

DEAL!

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING?

IT'S TOMORROW, REMEMBER?

IT WAS TOMORROW, ARNIE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AS OF THIS PRESENT TIME AND MOMENT

THE WEDDING IS OFF TEMPORARILY AND FOREVER.

YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.

I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE SAID WORDS TOMORROW, TISH.

IN YOUR DREAMS.

Arnold: I JUST DON'T GET IT, COACH.

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT WINNING?

I TOLD YOU:

WINNING IS EVERYTHING.

NOTHING'S MORE IMPORTANT.

AND TISH?

TISH IS IMPORTANT.

WINNING AND TISH, TISH AND WINNING.

THEY'RE ONE-TWO, ARNIE.

BUT WHICH ONE?

IT'S REAL CLOSE.

BACK OFF!

PICK ONE.

I'D PICK TISH, OKAY?

TISH, TISH, TISH, OKAY?

BUT THAT'S ALL OVER, ARNIE.

THE WEDDING'S OFF.

MAYBE NOT.

IF YOU WANT TO WIN TISH BACK

I KNOW A WAY.

HOW?

LOSE THE MATCH.

WHAT?

COME ON, ARNIE.

AIR HOCKEY'S THE ONE GAME

I AM COMPREHENSIBLY CONFIDENT I'LL WIN.

THROW THE GAME, LET TISH WIN.

SHOW HER YOU CARE MORE ABOUT HER

THAN WINNING.

BUT I LOVE WINNING.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MORE, WINNING

OR YOUR WIFE?

( teeth chattering )

( Coach grunting )

( bell rings )

ONE-ZIP, JACK.

( bell rings )

ONE ALL, TISH.

( bell rings )

( bell rings )

( bell rings )

Coach: TEN-TEN, TISH.

NEXT GOAL WINS THE WHOLE THING.

AND PROVES ONCE AND FOR ALL

FOR THE LAST AND FINAL TIME

WHO'S NUMBER ONE.

Arnold: WHAT DO YOU LOVE MORE, WINNING OR YOUR WIFE?

( bell rings )

YES! HAH!

I WON, JACK.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?

I'M NUMBER ONE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, TISH.

YOU'RE NUMBER ONE.

WHAT'D YOU SAY, JACK?

YOU'RE RIGHT, TISH.

YOU BEAT ME, YOU'RE THE BEST.

YOU'RE NUMBER ONE.

JACK, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME

YOU EVER SAID THAT TO ME.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW.

OH, JACK.

Minister: DO YOU TAKE COACH WITTENBERG

TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?

I DO.

REPETITIVELY.

AND YOU, COACH WITTENBERG

TAKE TISH TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?

I DO, ALSO, REPETITIVELY.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU STILL HUSBAND AND WIFE.

( cheering )

RACE YOU TO THE CAR.

( swoons )

HELGA!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

( dreamily ): I DO, I DO.

I DO, OH, I DO... NOT WANT YOU

TO TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN, FOOTBALL HEAD!

UH, OKAY.

( grunts )

( sighs )

THANKS, ARNIE.

YOU WERE A GREAT BEST MAN

CATECHISM-ICALLY.

THANKS, COACH.

JACK, I GOT TO ASK SOMETHING.

ASK AWAY, MY FAIR TISH.

DID YOU LET ME WIN THE MATCH?

WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW, JACK.

YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME YOUR BEST GAME.

COME ON, YOU WON, TISH.

YOU WERE THE BEST.

NUMBER ONE.

I WANT A REMATCH, NOW.

NOW? BUT THE HONEYMOON?

NO, THAT'S IT.

I'M DRIVING TO THE ARCADE

I WANT YOUR BEST GAME.

YOU ASKED FOR IT, TISH!

YOU'RE ON!

( tires squealing )

( kids cheering )

( school bell rings )

YEP, HE'S TOUGH.

I'M ALMOST SURE I'VE...

Helga: WELL, WHATEVER.

Rhonda: PSST, PSST, HEY, ARNOLD.

THIS IS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.

OKAY... "A HIGH TEA PARTY THIS EVENING

AT THE HOME OF MISS RHONDA WELLINGTON LLOYD."

RESTRICTED INVITATIONS?

IT MEANS NOT EVERYONE'S INVITED.

ONLY THE COOL KIDS.

LAST TIME, I INVITED EVERYONE.

THIS TIME, I'M DOWNSIZING.

I'M ELIMINATING THE GEEKS.

( snaps fingers )

UH-HUH.

YOU, ARNOLD, HAVE MADE THE COOL LIST.

HOW'D I DO THAT?

I GUESS IT'S YOUR MOODINESS

THAT BROODING AIR OF MYSTERY YOU HAVE.

YOUR UNIQUE SENSE OF STYLE.

MY UNIQUE SENSE OF STYLE?

LIKE THAT LITTLE SKIRT THING YOU ALWAYS WEAR.

IT'S MY SHIRT.

THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

THE WAY YOU CALL IT "A SHIRT" IS SO COOL.

IT'S BOLD. YOU'RE A BOLD KID.

SO, ARE YOU COMING?

UH, I GUESS.

I CANNOT BELIEVE RHONDA ACTUALLY PUT ME ON HER COOL LIST.

I WAS SURE SHE THOUGHT I WAS A GEEK.

YOU? A GEEK?

PLEASE.

LOOK AROUND YOU, ARNOLD.

Both: A FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT AND JUMP.

YOU GOING TO THE PARTY?

SHE DIDN'T INVITE ME.

NOT YET, BUT I'M SURE SHE WILL.

YOU'RE RIGHT, AFTER ALL I AM THE DEFINITION OF COOL.

WHAT ABOUT GERALD?

GEEK.

GERALD? GEEK? HOW COME?

HE'S NICE, HE'S FUNNY, EVERYONE LIKES HIM.

HE SEEMS PRETTY COOL TO ME.

I'VE BEEN FURIOUS AT HIM

EVER SINCE HE BECAME CLASS PRESIDENT.

SO? CLASS PRESIDENT IS COOL.

YES, BUT HE RAN AGAINST ME

AND THAT WAS DEFINITELY NOT COOL.

YOU GET INVITED TO RHONDA'S PARTY?

YEAH, YOU GOING?

NOPE, NONE OF US GOT INVITED.

NONE OF YOU?

I SURVEYED ALL P.S. 118 FOURTH GRADERS.

SO FAR, ONLY NADINE, KATRINKA

PARK, IGGY AND LORENZO ARE INVITED.

AND YOU, ARNOLD.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

I'M SHOCKED TO REPORT, GERALD

YOU WERE ALSO ON RHONDA'S GEEK LIST.

WHAT?

SO, EXCEPT FOR FOOTBALL HEAD HERE

WHAT?

SO, EXCEPT FOR FOOTBALL HEAD HERE

WE ALL MADE RHONDA'S GEEK LIST-- CRIMINY!

YEAH, JUST HOW DOES SHE DEFINE GEEK, ANYWAY?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINES GEEK AS A CIRCUS PERFORMER

WHO BITES THE HEAD OFF A LIVE CHICKEN.

BITE THE HEAD OFF A CHICKEN?

NONE OF US BITE OFF CHICKEN HEADS

EXCEPT CURLY.

YEAH! AND THAT WAS JUST THE ONE TIME.

( all agree )

I'M KIND OF MAD ABOUT THIS GEEK LIST.

IT HURTS WHEN THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENS.

WE GOT FEELINGS.

I BET RHONDA THINKS I'M A GEEK

BECAUSE I'M FAT, LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS.

BET I'M A GEEK 'CAUSE MY DAD CUTS MY HAIR WITH A BOWL.

SHE THINKS I'M A GEEK BECAUSE OF MY HUGE NOSE.

IT'S NOT THAT HUGE, SID.

YOU'RE SAYING THAT 'CAUSE YOU GOT

THE BIGGEST HONKER IN THE CITY-- NO OFFENSE.

NONE TAKEN.

FORGET HER, YOU BUNCH OF LOSERS.

SINCE WHEN DOES PRINCESS RHONDA LLOYD DECIDE

WHO'S COOL AND WHO'S A GEEK?

DOY, WHO DIED AND MADE HER PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSE?

FORGET RHONDA'S STUPID PARTY!

Others: YEAH!

YOU KNOW, GERALD, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO.

ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'LL BE GREAT.

THERE'S GOING TO BE LOTS OF FREE FOOD.

AND COOL KIDS.

THEY'RE THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.

IT'S LIKE YOU WERE BORN LUCKY OR SOMETHING, ARNOLD.

WITH A SILVER FORK IN YOUR MOUTH.

YEAH, JUST GO.

I GOT PLANS TONIGHT ANYWAY.

YEAH, GO. GO.

TELL US WHAT IT WAS LIKE, FOOTBALL HEAD.

COME ON, YOU GUYS.

LET'S GO THROW ROCKS AT A DUMPSTER.

( all grumbling )

( rings doorbell )

ARNOLD, DOLL.

CIAO, WON'T YOU COME IN?

ARNOLD, THE DOLL?

ARNOLD, YOU OF COURSE KNOW NADINE AND KATRINKA.

BUT PLEASE MEET REX SMYTHE-HIGGINS III.

THERE'S CUCUMBER SANDWICHES AND LADYFINGERS ON THE BUFFET.

HELP YOURSELF.

THANKS.

HELP YOURSELF.

THANKS.

I'VE BEEN TO ENGLAND.

MY SECOND COUSIN LIVES THERE.

SHE'S A DUCHESS.

HEY, ARNOLD.

HEY, PARK, HEY, PEAPOD.

HAVING ANY FUN?

NOT REALLY.

WE'RE PRETENDING TO EAT

TILL WE HAVE TO GO LISTEN TO RHONDA

TALK ABOUT HER VACATION IN EUROPE.

A TOAST POINT?

WHAT DOES SHE DO WITH THE REST OF THE TOAST?

DONATES IT TO THE AWKWARD AND UNFASHIONABLE?

SOME COOL PARTY.

YEAH, IT'S A REAL BLAST.

I'M SO GLAD I INVITED

ONLY THE COOL KIDS.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING A PARTY

IF YOU INVITE GEEKS?

THEY'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT, REALLY.

LIKE, EUGENE-- HE'S SUCH A GEEK

HE TUCKS HIS SHIRT INTO HIS UNDERPANTS.

AND HAROLD? OH, OH, PLEASE.

THE WAY HE EATS.

I CAN'T BEAR TO BE IN THE SAME LUNCHROOM.

AND STINKY-- WHERE DID HE LEARN ENGLISH?

GREEN ACRES?

( laughter )

ARNOLD, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

UM, SUDDENLY I'M NOT FEELING

COOL ENOUGH FOR THIS PARTY.

BUT THANKS FOR INVITING ME.

I THINK I'M GOING TO GO.

FINE, BE THAT WAY.

THEN YOU'RE OFF MY COOL LIST.

NADINE?

GEEK.

HEY, ARNOLD.

BACK FROM THE COOL PARTY?

YEAH.

BASICALLY IT STUNK, SO I LEFT.

WANT TO DO SOMETHING?

YOU HAD PLANS TONIGHT.

I MADE THAT UP SO YOU WOULDN'T FEEL BAD

ABOUT GOING TO RHONDA'S PARTY.

WANT TO GO THROW ROCKS AT HELGA

THROWING ROCKS AT A DUMPSTER?

SURE.

YES! I GOT IT.

HEY, YOU GUYS.

LOOK, IT'S ARNOLD.

BACK FROM HIS VISIT WITH THEM BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.

SO, HOW WAS THE COOL PARTY, FOOTBALL HEAD?

YOU DIDN'T MISS ANYTHING.

BUT WE'RE STILL MAD AT RHONDA FOR NOT INVITING US.

( rock bangs )

AND WE'RE REALLY, REALLY MAD AT HER

FOR PUTTING US ON HER GEEK LIST.

IT'S LIKE WE HAVE ALL THIS UNFOCUSED RAGE.

I WISH WE COULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I SAY WE ALL GO OVER

CRASH RHONDA'S PARTY AND EAT ALL HER FOOD.

( cheering )

I SAY WE GET A CARLOAD OF HORSE MANURE

AND LEAVE IT ON HER PORCH!

( cheering )

I SAY WE PAINT OURSELVES

WITH TIGER STRIPES

AND FREE ALL THE ANIMALS AT THE ZOO!

FINE, WE'LL MEET YOU THERE IN AN HOUR.

HOORAY!

( laughing like a maniac )

POOR, TWISTED LITTLE FREAK.

HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

OH, BROTHER.

WHAT'S YOUR NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING IDEA, GOOF WAD?

HOW ABOUT WE ALL GO TO MY PLACE

GO UP ON THE ROOF AND HAVE A GEEK PARTY?

EVERYBODY'S INVITED.

GEEK PARTY AT ARNOLD'S HOUSE!

( playing rocking music )

AND THEN MY MOTHER INGESTED SOME BAD PATE DE FOIE GRAS

AND WE HAD TO MOTOR ON TO CANNES.

OH, CANNES-- IT WAS INSANE.

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY ACETAMINOPHEN?

WHAT IS THAT NOISE OUTSIDE?

CLOSE THE WINDOW.

WHERE ARE YOU TWO GOING?

WE'LL BE BACK.

WE WANT TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON OUTSIDE.

( music and chatter )

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE COMING BACK.

THEY'RE GOING TO ARNOLD'S HOUSE.

THEY'RE OFF THE LIST.

SOMETHING'S GOING ON AT ARNOLD'S.

SOME KIND OF BIZARRE HAPPENING.

IT LOOKS A LOT MORE FUN THAN THIS.

HERE, HERE, LET'S BID A HASTY RETREAT.

UM, RHONDA, I'M TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY SORRY.

MY HEADACHE HAS ACTUALLY GROWN WORSE

AND I FEAR I MUST TAKE MY LEAVE.

I'D BETTER GO WITH HIM.

MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY.

THANKS FOR THE TOAST POINTS.

COME ON, LET'S GO TO ARNOLD'S.

I HEAR YOU ON THAT ONE.

PARK AND PEAPOD, KID.

NO LONGER COOL.

OFF THE LIST.

HEY, FOURTH GRADER, WHAT'S GOING ON?

PARTY AT ARNOLD'S HOUSE!

COME ON, LET'S GO.

THEY'RE FOURTH GRADERS.

IF WE WENT, WOULDN'T WE BE UNCOOL?

NO.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE, UH, WE ARE SO COOL

THAT EVEN IF WE GO TO AN UNCOOL PARTY

WE'LL STILL BE COOL.

WOW, WOLFGANG, YOU'RE REALLY SMART.

DUH... COME ON.

LET'S GO.

( music and chatter... )

( scratching, zydeco jazz fusion music... )

( applause )

( grunts, splashes )

I'M OKAY.

( music continues... )

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.

EVERYONE'S LEFT THE PARTY BUT YOU, ME AND KATRINKA.

ACTUALLY, KATRINKA JUST LEFT.

WHAT?

FINE.

KATRINKA IS OFF THE LIST.

MAYBE I'LL GO CHECK OUT

WHAT'S GOING ON AT ARNOLD'S HOUSE.

NADINE, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

THIS IS VERY UNCOOL.

I'M SORRY, I HAVE NO CHOICE.

I'M PUTTING YOU ON THE GEEK LIST.

WELL, YOU WANTED TO HAVE A PARTY FOR ONLY THE COOL KIDS

NOW THAT YOU'VE CROSSED EVERYBODY OFF THE COOL LIST

EXCEPT YOURSELF-- YOU'RE THE ONLY COOL KID LEFT.

I'M GOING TO ARNOLD'S.

ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR PARTY.

I'M TAKING MY BOWL, OKAY?

HI, STOOP KID, HOW YOU DOING?

THERE'S FOOD AND PUNCH.

MAN, EVERYBODY CAME, ARNOLD.

A FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT

AND JUMP!

PRETTY GEEKY PARTY, FOOTBALL HEAD.

YUP, IT'S NEARLY PERFECT.

NEARLY PERFECT?

( door opening )

NOW IT'S PERFECT.

UH, HI, GERALD.

HI, ARNOLD.

I BROUGHT SOME SANDWICHES.

CAN I COME TO YOUR PARTY?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

LET ME SEE.

SORRY, THIS PARTY...

IS FOR GEEKS ONLY.

AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE ON THE GEEK LIST.

PERHAPS YOU'RE ON THE OTHER LIST?

THE "COOL" LIST.

( softly ): I... WANT TO BE A GEEK.

WHAT WAS THAT?

I WANT TO BE A GEEK.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

( scratches, music stops )

I WANT TO BE A GEEK!

( all cheering )

( music resumes )

OKAY, RHONDA.

COME ON IN.

I MEAN, I WANT TO BE A GEEK TONIGHT ONLY.

TOMORROW, I'M GOING TO BE COOL AGAIN.

( hysterical laughter )

FREE THE ANIMALS!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON