Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

OKAY, FINAL ROUND.

TEAMS, WHAT UNITED STATES PRESIDENT WAS IN OFFICE

FOR THE SHORTEST TIME?

WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON.

CORRECT! WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF ICELAND?

( buzzes ) REYKJAVIK.

CORRECT! AND THE LAST QUESTION

IN THE ACADEMIC BOWL IS:

WHAT IS THE SECOND FASTEST ANIMAL IN THE WORLD?

IT'S THE... PRONGHORN ANTELOPE?

CORRECT AGAIN!

PHOEBE AND HELGA ARE THE WINNERS

IN TEAM COMPETITION.

TOMORROW IS INDIVIDUAL COMPETITION.

IT'S EVERYONE FOR HIS OR HER SPECIAL SELF.

THE COMPETITION WILL DETERMINE

WHICH STUDENT WILL REPRESENT P.S. 118

IN THE ALL-CITY TOURNAMENT!

( cheering )

MAN, PHOEBE WAS INCREDIBLE.

I DON'T THINK ANYBODY

COULD BEAT HER IN THE CONTEST TOMORROW.

WE SHOWED THEM WHO'S BOSS, EH, PHOEBE?

WE'LL BE COMPETING AGAINST EACH OTHER TOMORROW.

WE WILL.

MAY THE BEST GIRL WIN.

RIGHT, RIGHT. WELL, UH, I'LL SEE YOU, PHOEBE.

THE ALL-CITY ACADEMIC COMPETITION:

ONE COMPETITION YOUR SISTER OLGA COULDN'T WIN.

STILL GOT BLANK SPACE ON THE SHELF

TO PUT THE TROPHY--

THE CROWN JEWEL IN THE PATAKI TROPHY KINGDOM.

SHE COULDN'T GET THAT LAST QUESTION:

WHAT IS THE STATE BIRD OF MAINE?

SOME PIMPLE-FACED LITTLE GEEK BUZZED IN WITH THE RIGHT ANSWER

CHICKADEE-- CHICKA-BLEEPIN-DEE.

OH, WELL, GOOD LUCK TOMORROW, HELGA.

DON'T FEEL BAD IF YOU BLOW IT.

SURE WOULD BE NICE TO WIN THAT TROPHY, THOUGH.

IF ONLY I COULD BRING HOME THAT TROPHY

THEN FOR ONCE I'D BE THE GOLDEN GIRL.

THINK, HELGA, THINK!

THE HONEST THING TO DO WOULD BE TO STUDY HARD

ACQUIRE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE

IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME

AND BEAT PHOEBE TOMORROW FAIR AND SQUARE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I COULD...

PHOEBE, YOU'VE GOT TO LET ME

WIN THAT CONTEST TONIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO LAY DOWN

TAKE THE FALL.

( gasps ) LOSE ON PURPOSE?

BUT, HELGA, WHY?

OLGA LOST IN THE ALL-CITY

THE ONLY CONTEST SHE EVER LOST.

IF I WON, I'D HAVE ONE UP ON HER FOREVER.

I NEED THAT TROPHY, PHOEBE, I NEED TO WIN.

AS MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

I GUESS SO, IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU.

THERE'LL BE A LOT OF COMPETITIONS IN LIFE

AND YOU'LL WIN--

EXCEPT THIS ONE.

JUST THINK OF IT THIS WAY.

IT'S NOT YOUR NIGHT.

( applause )

WHAT PLANET IS CLOSEST TO THE SUN?

( buzzes ) MERCURY.

MOST FAMOUS VIOLIN MAKER?

STRADIVARI.

WHAT BOXER BOASTED HE COULD "FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY

AND STING LIKE A BEE"?

MUHAMMAD ALI.

WHAT 19th-CENTURY ARTIST CUT OFF HIS OWN EAR?

VINCENT VAN GOGH.

WE HAVE NOW COME

TO THE FINAL QUESTION.

WHOEVER ANSWERS THIS QUESTION WILL REPRESENT P.S. 118

AT THE ALL-CITY TOURNAMENT.

WHAT WAS THE PRIVILEGED WARRIOR CLASS IN ANCIENT JAPAN?

( buzzes )

PHOEBE?

( groans )

THE SUMO WRESTLERS?

NO, I'M SORRY, THAT'S INCORRECT.

HELGA, YOU HAVE ONE CHANCE.

IF YOU'RE CORRECT, YOU WIN.

( whispers ): THE SAMURAI.

THE SAMURAI.

CORRECT! ( bells ringing )

HELGA PATAKI, YOU ARE THE WINNER.

( cheering )

CONGRATULATIONS, HELGA!

PHOEBE, YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB AS WELL.

REMEMBER, YOU'RE THE ALTERNATE FROM P.S. 118

IF FOR ANY REASON HELGA CAN'T COMPETE IN THE ACADEMIC BOWL.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU ALL.

NOW I MEMORIZE THE BOOK OF CONTEST QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

SO I WIN THE CONTEST NEXT WEEK.

THIS'LL BE A SNAP.

IF YOU NEED HELP, HOLLER, WAKE YOUR MOTHER.

YEAH, LIKE I REALLY NEED ANYONE'S HELP.

PHOEBE, I NEED YOUR HELP.

TUTOR ME, TRAIN ME, CRAM FACTS INTO MY HEAD

SO I CAN WIN THE CONTEST.

AND WE HAVE TO START NOW!

NOW? BUT I PLANNED TO MEET MY MOTHER...

OH, YOU CAN DO THAT ANYTIME.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, I NEED YOU.

NOW, COME ON!

WHAT RIVER CUTS THROUGH THE GRAND CANYON?

THE MISSISSIPPI?

WRONG.

THE RIO GRANDE?

WRONG.

WORLD'S HIGHEST MOUNTAIN?

THE ANDES?

NO, MOUNT EVEREST.

THE FIRST PERSON TO CLIMB MOUNT EVEREST?

JACQUES COUSTEAU?

NO.

WHAT KIND OF CHEESE IS HOLLAND FAMOUS FOR?

UH, GLOCKENSPIEL?

Phoebe ( wearily ): WHICH U.S. PRESIDENT

FIRST VISITED THE PACIFIC OCEAN?

JEFFERSON?

WRONG.

JACKSON?

WRONG.

( snoring... )

( mumbling )

THE MISSISSIPPI!

ARE YOU OKAY?

YOU LOOK EXHAUSTED.

I AM A LITTLE TIRED.

I'VE BEEN COACHING HELGA DAY AND NIGHT

FOR THE ALL-CITY CONTEST.

I WAS SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T WIN.

I THOUGHT YOU'D GET THAT FINAL ANSWER.

YEAH, UH, I GUESS IT JUST SLIPPED MY MIND.

HEY, HELGA.

I WAS TALKING TO PHOEBE.

SHE'S FALLING ASLEEP OVER HER LUNCH.

IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

SHE CAN SLEEP WHERE SHE WANTS!

DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE HER A BREAK?

SHE'S FINE-- I GOT IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.

I HAVE A CONTEST TO WIN.

PHOEBE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND.

THINK ABOUT WHAT'S BEST FOR HER.

HEY, WHO ASKED YOU?

GO PEDDLE YOUR DO-GOODY

MR. SENSITIVE ADVICE SOMEWHERE ELSE.

( sighing ): OKAY, HELGA.

( snoring )

Phoebe: WHAT RIVER CUTS THROUGH THE GRAND CANYON?

EASY. THE COLORADO.

CORRECT. THE CAPITAL OF MALAYSIA?

KUALA LUMPUR.

CORRECT AGAIN.

I'M FINALLY GETTING THIS.

YES, YOU'RE DOING MUCH BETTER.

LET'S CALL IT A NIGHT, GET SOME SHUTEYE.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO NOD OFF

WHEN THEY ANNOUNCE I'VE WON.

YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO NOD OFF.

WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

WELL, ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE CONTEST

AND I WAS HAVING SOME, UH, SECOND THOUGHTS.

SECOND THOUGHTS?

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.

SEE YOU BRIGHT AND EARLY.

RIGHT. BRIGHT AND EARLY.

BOY, AM I GOING TO SLEEP GOOD TONIGHT.

( moaning )

( wind whistling )

WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF MONTANA?

UH...

UH, HELENA.

HOW MANY PINTS IN A GALLON?

EIGHT.

HOW MANY PINTS IN A GALLON?

EIGHT.

WHO INVENTED DENTAL FLOSS?

UH, WAIT A MINUTE, I, I KNOW THIS ONE.

IT'S RIGHT ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

ARNOLD?

ANSWER-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M THE CONTEST WINNER, THE FINALIST.

ARE YOU?

OF COURSE I AM. WHO ELSE?

WHAT ABOUT PHOEBE?

SHOULDN'T PHOEBE BE THE FINALIST?

IT WAS PHOEBE'S NIGHT TO SHINE, NOT YOURS.

PHOEBE SHOULD BE THE FINALIST

SHOULDN'T SHE, HELGA?

( echoing ): SHOULDN'T SHE? SHOULDN'T SHE?

( cries out )

MAN, WHAT A CRAZY DREAM.

IT WAS LIKE ARNOLD WAS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING

OR MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY

LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG

AND I NEED TO REALIZE IT AND DO THE RIGHT THING.

GOOD THING IT WAS ONLY A CRAZY DREAM.

I GOT TO SLEEP-- I GOT A CONTEST TO WIN.

( siren wailing in distance )

( honking horn )

Bob: NEXT STOP, THE ALL-CITY ACADEMIC BOWL!

Arnold: PHOEBE SHOULD BE THE FINALIST

SHOULDN'T SHE, HELGA?

I GUESS I COULD QUIZ YOU SOME MORE

BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S...

WHAT ABOUT PHOEBE?

YOUR BEST FRIEND.

SHOULDN'T PHOEBE BE THE FINALIST?

I THINK YOU STAND

A CONSIDERABLE CHANCE OF WINNING.

I DRILLED YOU ON BOOK OF CONTEST QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS TWICE.

IT WAS PHOEBE'S NIGHT TO SHINE, NOT YOURS.

LET'S SEE, HMM.

I SHOULD'VE COVERED GEOGRAPHY MORE EXTENSIVELY.

I'M SORRY, HELGA.

PHOEBE SHOULD BE THE FINALIST...

IT'S MY FAULT.

OH, COME OFF IT, PHOEBE!

STOP IT, JUST STOP IT!

STOP WHAT?

HOW COULD YOU LET ME DO THIS?

YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE FINALS, NOT ME.

I MADE YOU TAKE A FALL

BECAUSE I SAID IT WASN'T YOUR NIGHT--

NOT YOUR NIGHT.

PHOEBE, IT WAS YOUR NIGHT.

YOU WOULD'VE WON THAT CONTEST, HANDS DOWN.

YOU WOULD'VE WON AND YOU WOULD'VE BEEN A CONTENDER

INSTEAD OF AN ALTERNATE. WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE.

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND.

I SHOULD'VE STOOD UP FOR YOU.

INSTEAD, I MADE YOU TAKE A DIVE

SO I COULD LOOK GOOD AND BE THE BEST.

BUT I WASN'T.

IT WAS YOU, PHOEBE.

YOU WERE THE BEST.

YOU'RE STILL THE BEST.

AND TONIGHT...

YOU'RE GOING TO COMPETE.

YOU'RE GOING TO WIN.

AND NOBODY, ESPECIALLY ME, IS GOING TO STOP YOU.

( crowd murmuring )

I'M SICK, MR. SIMMONS, REAL SICK.

I WANT TO BARF.

MY ALTERNATE, PHOEBE, WILL HAVE TO TAKE MY PLACE.

PHOEBE, ARE YOU PREPARED TO STEP IN AT THIS SHORT NOTICE?

( applause )

AND CONTESTANTS, OUR FIRST QUESTION IS...

( no audio... )

THIS FINAL BONUS QUESTION WILL DETERMINE

THIS YEAR'S ALL-CITY CHAMPION.

WHAT IS THE STATE BIRD OF MAINE?

( buzzes )

( thinking ): THE CHICKADEE, PHOEBE.

THE CHICKADEE!

THE CHICKADEE!

PHOEBE HEYERDAHL

YOU ARE THE ALL-CITY CHAMPION.

YAY, PHOEBE!

YAY!

I GUESS YOU'RE FEELING BETTER.

I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

IT WAS THE RIGHT THING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

SHEESH.

YAY!

( whistles )

( cheering and applause continue )

♪ THREE CHEERS FOR THE RED, WHITE AND BLUE... ♪

WHOA! WHO GOES THERE? IT'S YOU, SHORT MAN.

HI, GRANDPA.

UH, YOU'RE IN UNIFORM.

WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

DON'T YOU READ THE PAPERS?

IT'S ALMOST PIG WAR DAY.

WHAT'S PIG WAR DAY?

ONLY THE INFAMOUS DAY WHEN OUR FAIR CITY

WON ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM THOSE TREACHEROUS REDCOATS.

WHO ARE REDCOATS?

THE BRITISH!

OH, OF COURSE, THE BRITISH, YEAH.

WHO ARE THE BRITISH?

WHAT DO THEY TEACH YOU KIDS IN SCHOOL NOWADAYS?

DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT WE FOUGHT

AND WON THIS LAND IN A BATTLE OVER A PIG?

( all talking at once )

IT WAS MORE THAN A CENTURY AGO

WHEN ALL THIS NEIGHBORHOOD WAS FIELD AND WOODS.

THE BRITISH CLAIMED ALL THE LAND TO THE NORTH OF THE RIVER;

THE AMERICANS ALL THE LAND TO THE SOUTH.

BUT NO ONE COULD QUITE DECIDE WHO WAS THE OWNER OF ELK ISLAND.

WITH THE HAUNTED CAVES?

YES, AND DON'T INTERRUPT.

EACH SIDE BUILT THEIR OWN FORT ON THE ISLAND.

THE BRITS HAD PORCERO, AND WE HAD SOME TENTS.

ONE DAY, A BRITISH PIG GOT OUT OF HIS PEN

AND WANDERED INTO AN AMERICAN GARDEN.

A FARMER SHOT THE PIG.

WHEN THE BRITISH FOUND OUT, THEY SENT OUT FOR SOME TROOPS.

THEN THE AMERICANS SENT FOR REINFORCEMENTS

AND THEN THE BRITISH SENT FOR A GUNSHIP

AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, WE HAD OURSELVES A PIG WAR.

WHAT HAPPENED?

COOL.

WE WON, YOU NINNIES!

AND THEREFORE, ELK ISLAND AND ALL THE LAND

TO THE NORTH OF IT IS NOW THE UNITED STATES.

Kids: WOW!

IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AMERICAN.

NOW THAT I'VE TOLD YOU MY HEARTWARMING STORY

YOU'LL BE GLAD TO HEAR HOW I SIGNED YOU ALL UP

TO REPRESENT THE AMERICAN TEAM

WHEN WE REENACT THE PIG WAR NEXT SATURDAY.

REALLY?

YOU MEAN IT?

YOU BET, WE'LL DRESS UP IN CRAZY OUTFITS--

TWO TEAMS CHASING A GREASED PIG.

FIRST ONE TO BRING THE PIG BACK TO THEIR FORT IS THE WINNER.

( all cheering )

HOW DID YOU GET US ON THE AMERICAN TEAM?

IT'S A VERY LONG STORY, ARNOLD, BUT THE SHORT VERSION IS

I WENT DOWN TO CITY HALL AND VOLUNTEERED ABNER TO BE

THE OFFICIAL PIG-WAR PIG.

ABNER? OUR ABNER?

( squeals )

THE ONLY THING THAT WILL HAPPEN TO ABNER

IS HE'LL GET A LITTLE GREASED.

AND A LITTLE GREASE IS GOOD FOR A YOUNG PIG.

BESIDES, YOU CAN'T LET ALL YOUR FRIENDS DOWN.

WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU, BOY.

( other kids pleading )

CAN WE, ARNOLD?

Grandpa: SAY YES, ARNOLD.

ABNER WANTS YOU TO.

WELL... OKAY.

Grandpa: WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE IN A PIG WAR!

( motor sputters )

( all grunting )

ELK ISLAND.

WATCH YER STEP AS YE DISEMBARK.

THERE BE COW PIES.

AND BEWARE THE REDCOATS.

THEY MAY BE HIDING HEREABOUTS.

DO YOU THINK HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THE REDCOATS, GRANDPA?

OH, STOP WORRYING, ARNOLD

THE REDCOATS ARE NOWHERE NEAR THESE PARTS.

YOU'RE LATE, AS USUAL.

WHY, IT'S MY ARCH-NEMESIS, REX SMYTHE-HIGGINS.

AND HIS GRANDSON, REX III.

AND I BELIEVE BY THE RULES IN THE PIG WAR CHARTER

THAT GIVES US THE RIGHT TO FIRST INSULT.

YOUR COSTUMES ARE ATROCIOUS.

AND YOUR SO-CALLED PIG LOOKS MALNOURISHED.

WHAT DO YOU FEED THE RUNT?

HEY!

HEY, EASY, MAN.

THIS IS THE CUSTOMARY EXCHANGE OF INSULTS.

HOWEVER, THAT WAS TWO INSULTS.

ACCORDING TO THE CHARTER

THAT MEANS WE GET TWO INSULTS AS WELL.

YOU WALK LIKE YOU GOT AN UMBRELLA

IN YOUR PANTS.

WAS THAT AN INSULT?

AYE, SIR, YES, SIR.

HMM, VERY WELL, THAT'S ONE.

AND YOU COULDN'T CATCH THIS PIG IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT

YOU BROKEN-DOWN OLD FOSSIL.

( kids laughing )

THAT'S TWO, BUT REST ASSURED

I INTEND TO CATCH THAT PIG.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

EIGHT BELLS.

TIME TO GREASE THE PIG.

OKAY, ABNER, REMEMBER OUR PLAN?

JUST STICK CLOSE TO ME AND WE'LL BE FINE.

( squeals )

Arnold: ABNER, WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THE PLAN?

LET THE PIG WAR BEGIN.

( kids cheering )

OH, CURSES!

YOU THERE, MINION, CUT SHORT THIS FOUL HEMLOCK

WHICH HATH SO OFFENDED ME.

GOVERNOR, I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU

WHEN YOU TALK FANCY LIKE THAT.

CHOP DOWN THE BLOODY TREE, YOU IDIOT.

( squealing )

( Abner snorting )

( squeals )

ABNER!

Smythe-Higgins: LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

WELL, I'M PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT THE PIG HAS BEEN CAPTURED.

Both: CAPTURED?!

YES, AND TAKEN TO FORT PORCERO.

THE FIGHT IS OVER; WE WON.

AND PRECISELY AT SUNDOWN

WE WILL ROAST AND EAT OUR SPOILS, NAMELY YOUR PIG.

( laughing )

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

READ THE CHARTER, YANKEE.

( clears throat ) "CHAPTER 13.

"THE PARTY OF THE THIRD PART, UPON CAPTURING THE ENEMY PIG

MAY THEREFORE ROAST AND/OR BARBECUE!"

NO!

JUST A DARN MINUTE, SMYTHE-HIGGINS

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

WELL, OF COURSE, THAT'S RUBBISH.

THE PIG REMAINS IN OUR POSSESSION

UNTIL SUNDOWN WHEN IT IS DESTINED

TO BECOME ROAST PORK SANDWICHES. GOOD DAY!

( Smythe-Higgins yodels )

OH, BLAST IT, MY BACK'S GONE.

ALL RIGHT, I CAN MAKE A MISTAKE ONCE IN A WHILE, CAN'T I?

WE'LL SAVE YOUR PIG, ARNOLD.

WE JUST NEED TO SNEAK INTO THE FORT

AND RECAPTURE BEFORE SUNDOWN.

DOESN'T SOUND SO HARD, DOES IT?

COME ON, ARNOLD, WE'LL GET ABNER.

NOW, COME ON, SHORT MAN, WE GOT TO STRATEGIZE.

THERE SHE IS, BOYS

THE REDCOAT STRONGHOLD, FORT PORCERO.

WHILLIKERS!

I WANT TO GO TALK TO THEM.

MAYBE THEY'LL LISTEN.

ARNOLD, WAIT!

OH, POOR BRAVE, FOOLISH BOY.

IF EVER THE...

OH, WELL, MAYBE IT WILL WORK.

ABNER, YOU THERE, BOY?

HALT! WHO GOES THERE?

IT'S ARNOLD.

I'VE COME FOR THE PIG.

WELL, THIS IS A WAR.

I DON'T INTEND TO JUST GIVE IT TO YOU

YOU ODD-HEADED LITTLE YANKEE.

I'M SERIOUS, REX.

GIVE ME THE PIG!

WHAT I'LL GIVE YOU

IS A VOLLEY OF ROTTEN POMEGRANATES AND OLD CABBAGES.

HERE.

YOU MAY FIRE WHEN READY.

( gasps )

( laughing, jeering )

OKAY, NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.

THIS CALLS FOR A LITTLE YANKEE INGENUITY.

( whispering ): OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.

EVERYBODY LISTEN UP...

( buzzing, banging, sawing )

( silence )

( buzzing, banging resumes )

...AND AS SOON AS THEY OPEN THE GATE

WE JUMP OUT AND ATTACK THEM, OKAY?

THIS IS BRILLIANT, NAPOLEON.

IT WORKED FOR THE TROJANS.

THEY KNEW THE ENEMY WAS EASILY FLATTERED.

IT WORKED FOR THE TROJANS

BECAUSE THEY KNEW WHEN TO KEEP QUIET!

WHY IN BLAZES DID YOU WAKE ME?

THEY SEEM TO BE SURRENDERING, GRANDFATHER.

THEY BROUGHT A GIFT, LOOK.

HMM, SOME KIND OF PIG; CLEVER THAT.

HALT, WHO GOES THERE?

( mutters ): YEAH, WHO DO YOU THINK, PRUNE FACE?

( yells ): IT'S THE AMERICANS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WE REALIZE THAT WE CAN'T POSSIBLY WIN

AND OFFER THIS GIFT AS A TOKEN OF OUR ESTEEM

TO YOUR VAST SUPERIORITY.

OH, THIS IS INDEED SWEET.

SAVOR THIS, REX.

THE MOMENT WHEN YOUR ENEMY COMES TO GROVEL.

OPEN THE GATE!

UH, SIR, THERE'S A HISTORICAL PRECEDENT TO THIS

AND I THINK WE SHOULD CONSIDER...

YOUR JOB IS NOT TO CONSIDER.

IT'S TO BLOW THE HUNTING HORN.

IS THAT CLEAR?

OPEN THE GATE.

AYE, SIR.

READY?

( kids yelling )

( screaming )

( pig squealing )

ABNER!

HANG ON, I'M COMING, BOY!

WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE ONE THEY CALL FOOTBALL HEAD.

OH, THIS IS DELICIOUS, BUT NOT AS DELICIOUS

AS THAT PIG WILL BE ONCE WE ROAST IT.

REX, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU EAT MY PET.

YOUR... PET?

ABNER'S MY PET.

WHAT DID YOU THINK?

OH, DEAR, YOUR PET?

LIKE MY SCOTTISH TERRIER, PEPPY?

WE WERE GOING TO EAT HIM?

OH, HOW BEASTLY.

NO, WE'VE GOT TO SAVE HIM!

( squeals )

( cheering... )

BUT, GRANDFATHER, IT WAS HIS PET.

WHAT ON EARTH DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?

YOU EAT PORK CHOPS, DON'T YOU?

YES, BUT NOT ONES THAT I KNOW PERSONALLY.

SEE, ARNOLD, I TOLD YOU.

WE BEAT THE REDCOATS WITH OUR NATIVE PLUCK AND INGENUITY

AND GOT ABNER BACK SAFE AND SOUND.

RIGHT, JUST NEVER MENTION PIG WARS TO ME EVER AGAIN, OKAY?

LISTEN, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

I'LL PLAY THE PIG NEXT YEAR.

HOW'S THAT SOUND?

NO, THANKS, GRANDPA.

Grandpa: AND YOU CAN CHASE ME AROUND.

IT WILL BE FUN!

WHAT DO YOU SAY, ABNER, SOUNDS GOOD?

( Abner squeals )

HE'S AGREEING WITH ME.

Arnold: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, ABNER.

Grandpa: NO, I'LL LET THEM CATCH ME.

I WON'T EVEN GREASE MYSELF UP TOO MUCH.

I'LL RUN REAL SLOW.

Arnold: DON'T GO THERE.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON