Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

( bell rings )

Mr. Simmons: PEOPLE, PEOPLE TAKE YOUR SEATS.

AS YOU KNOW, TODAY IS A VERY EXCITING AND SPECIAL DAY.

TODAY IS CAREER DAY!

( all groan )

SO, BORING OLD BALD GUYS

LECTURE US TO STUDY HARD

IF WE WANT TO BE PRESIDENT SOME DAY.

I CAN'T VOUCH FOR HOW MUCH HAIR ANYONE HAS

BUT I PROMISE YOU, NO LECTURES.

INSTEAD OF HAVING THE CAREERS

COME TO YOU

YOU ARE GOING TO THE CAREERS.

A DAY OFF FROM SCHOOL!

ALL RIGHT!

( all cheering )

COME ON IN, EVERYONE.

( and cheering... )

I WROTE ALL THE CAREERS ON SLIPS OF PAPER IN THIS HAT.

EVERYONE COME ON UP AND PICK A SLIP.

I GET TO BE A FIREMAN.

I GET TO BE A COP.

I GET TO BE A PILOT.

I GET TO BE A... CONSTRUCTION WORKER.

I GOT THE JOLLY-OLLY MAN.

GREAT, SPEND THE WHOLE DAY

IN AN ICE CREAM TRUCK STUFFING YOUR FACE.

BUT THE JOLLY-OLLY MAN IS

A STINGY, MEAN SPIRITED JERK WHO HATES KIDS

AND IS ALWAYS ON THE BRINK OF INSANITY.

EVERYTHING'S ALWAYS GOT TO BE PERFECT WITH YOU.

YOUR MENTOR WILL GRADE

YOUR PERFORMANCE AT THE END OF THE DAY

SO STAY ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR

AND MIND YOUR MENTORS.

KID, GET IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK.

BUT THAT'S THE FREEZER.

LOOK, YOU GOT TO DO WHAT I SAY, SO LISTEN UP.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS

BUT MY BOSS MADE ME.

SO WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER.

YOU GET BACK IN THE FREEZER, OR YOU FAIL.

ALL RIGHT.

GEEZ.

( tires squealing )

SOME CAREER DAY.

WONDER WHAT THE OTHERS ARE DOING.

Man: AND OVER HERE WE HAVE

THE OXYGEN TANKS

THAT'S AN AX, AND HERE'S...

( alarm rings )

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOT TO WORRY, GERALD. IT'S A FIRE.

A REAL, LIVE FIRE.

LET'S PUT IT OUT, SHALL WE?

Helga: COME ON, JUST LET ME SEE IT.

JUST FOR A SECOND.

I PROMISE I WON'T WHACK ANYONE.

SORRY, KID. NO CAN DO.

Attention all units

bank robbery in progress

Jefferson and Main.

LET'S ROLL.

( siren blaring )

OKAY NOW, YOU JUST YANK THIS LEVER HERE.

BUT IT'LL DESTROY THAT HISTORIC...

JUST PULL IT, I SAID.

OH, THAT WAS... EXHILARATING.

HI, CAN I HELP YOU?

HEY, HEY, HEY!

ONLY ONE PERSON TALKS TO THE CUSTOMERS

AND THAT'S ME, YOU GOT IT?

OH, SORRY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

MAY I PLEASE HAVE A SNO-CONE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ONLY ONE PERSON HERE HANDLES THE MONEY

AND THAT'S ME.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

"I DIDN'T KNOW."

NOW YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU?

UM... YEAH.

GOOD. KEEP IT THAT WAY.

( tires squealing )

WAIT, WHERE'S MY SNO-CONE?

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

I CAN'T SIT IN FRONT, TALK TO CUSTOMERS, OR HANDLE MONEY.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

OH, YOU WANT TO HELP?

YEAH. I WANT TO HELP.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

BE QUIET AND CLEAN ALL THE ICE OFF THE SIDE OF THE FREEZERS.

AND KEEP IT OFF!

( kids shouting )

HEY... YOU GAVE ME STRAWBERRY.

I WANTED CHOCOLATE.

WE'RE OUT. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

WHICH OF YOU MUNCHKINS WANTED ITALIAN ICE?

ME, ME!

YOU MUST BE KIDDING.

YOU GOT TO HAVE SOMETHING SMALLER THAN A TEN.

YOU! PUT THIS BACK IN THE FREEZER.

BUT...

BUT NOTHING!

I MAKE THE RULES AROUND HERE.

I RUN THE SHOW.

OKAY, LET'S GO.

( kids shouting )

STOP, SOME KIDS ARE TRYING TO CATCH UP.

IS THAT SO?

( mean laughter )

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR SAVING MY BABY'S LIFE.

YES, YOUNG GERALD HERE HAS DONE AN EXEMPLARY JOB.

JUST TRYING TO HELP, MA'AM.

HE'LL BE GETTING AN "A" FOR HIS CAREER DAY GRADE

THAT'S FOR SURE.

HOPE YOU BOYS LIKE

PRISON FOOD, 'CAUSE YOU'LL BE GETTING A LOT OF IT.

NICE TOUCH, HELGA.

THANKS FOR HELPING ME AT THE BANK.

I KNEW THAT JUJITSU CLASS WOULD COME IN HANDY SOMEDAY.

WELL, I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW

YOU'LL GET AN "A" FOR CAREER DAY.

YOU'RE DOING A BANG-UP JOB HERE, PHOEBE.

I NEVER KNEW DEMOLISHING THINGS

COULD BE SO INVIGORATING.

IT'S WHAT I LIVE FOR.

HEY, IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING

I'M GIVING YOU AN A-PLUS ON YOUR GRADE SLIP.

MR. JOLLY-OLLY MAN?

I SCRAPED ALL THE ICE OFF THE FREEZER.

YOU WANT A MEDAL?

NO, BUT THAT REMINDS ME

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME A GRADE FOR CAREER DAY

AND I WAS WONDERING...

HMM, WHAT KIND OF A GRADE AM I GOING TO GIVE YOU?

WELL, LET'S SEE NOW.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU AN "F".

A BIG, FAT "F".

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS FAIR, NOW IS IT?

YOUR NUMBERS ARE DOWN, WILLIE.

WAY DOWN.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF KIDS TODAY

DON'T LIKE ICE CREAM.

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM, WILLIE.

THE PROBLEM IS YOU.

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME?

THE PROBLEM CAN'T BE ME.

OH YEAH? WELL, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

I'M GIVING YOU TILL SUNDOWN TO SELL OUT YOUR STOCK

AND I MEAN EVERY LAST ICE CREAM BAR

OR THAT'S IT-- YOU'RE FIRED!

F-F-FIRED?

SUNDOWN, WILLIE.

WOW, THAT'S REALLY ROUGH.

YOU'RE TELLING ME IT'S ROUGH.

THIS WHOLE LIFE IS ROUGH.

YOU DON'T REALLY LIKE YOUR JOB, DO YOU?

KID, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY LIFE IS LIKE.

IT AIN'T PRETTY, LET ME TELL YOU.

EVERY MORNING THE SAME--

DRIVING FIVE LOUSY MILES AN HOUR

DOWN THESE MEAN, DESPERATE, DIRTY STREETS.

THIS CITY IS A SPIRITUAL DESERT, DEVOID OF BEAUTY AND LOVE.

( steam hissing )

EVERY DAY, JUST ANOTHER MEANINGLESS CYCLE

OF COUNTING NICKELS, DOLING OUT SNO-CONES

TO SCREAMING, WHINING PUNKS.

MOPPING OUT THE MUCK FROM THE FREEZERS.

( sobs softly )

MR. JOLLY-OLLY MAN?

AND NOW I'M GOING TO LOSE ALL THAT.

I'M GOING TO BE FIRED. AGAIN.

MAYBE IF YOU REASON WITH YOUR BOSS

JUST TALK TO HIM CALMLY...

I CAN'T TALK TO THAT MAN.

I NEVER COULD, EVER SINCE I WAS A KID.

YOU'VE KNOWN YOUR BOSS SINCE YOU WERE A KID?

HE'S MY DAD.

( sobs )

YOUR BOSS IS YOUR OWN DAD

AND HE'S GOING TO FIRE YOU?

YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.

57 JOBS, AND I'VE BEEN FIRED FROM EVERY ONE OF THEM.

WHY, WHY, WHY?

OH, GREAT!

THAT'S GOING TO COME OUT OF MY SALARY.

MAYBE THERE'S A WAY YOU CAN STILL KEEP YOUR JOB.

WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY, YOU LITTLE CLOWN?

LOOK AT ALL THIS ICE CREAM!

I'M SERIOUS.

YOU CAN SELL OUT BY 6:00.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY ATTITUDE?

LOOK, I'LL MAKE A DEAL.

I'LL HELP YOU SELL OUT THE REST OF YOUR ICE CREAM

SO YOU CAN KEEP YOUR JOB.

YOU GIVE ME A PASSING GRADE FOR CAREER DAY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL, PARTNER.

Arnold: TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS WITH RESPECT.

ALWAYS SAY "PLEASE" AND "THANK YOU."

PLEASE TAKE YOUR CRUMMY CHANGE AND THANKS FOR NOTHING.

Arnold: A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE.

GIVE YOUR CUSTOMERS

A FRIENDLY SMILE.

( kids gasping )

( screaming )

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR TRUCK CLEAN AND NEAT.

( kids talking happily )

Girl: HEY, MR. JOLLY-OLLY MAN

WAIT FOR ME!

Arnold: AND REMEMBER

EVERY CUSTOMER MATTERS

NO MATTER HOW SMALL.

OKAY, CAREFUL NOW. DON'T SPILL.

HEY, THIS IS GREAT.

WE MUST BE ALMOST OUT OF ICE CREAM.

I'LL SHOW THAT LOUSY BOSS OF MINE.

UM, MR. JOLLY-OLLY MAN?

WE'VE BEEN SELLING OUR BRAINS OUT

AND WE STILL GOT HALF A FREEZER FULL OF ICE CREAM?

WE'LL NEVER GET RID OF ALL THIS BY SUNDOWN.

HOLD ON, WHAT TIME IS IT?

QUARTER PAST FOUR.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

WHAT WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THERE'S NO ONE HERE EXCEPT MY LOUSY DAD.

BE PATIENT.

HEY, IT'S THE JOLLY-OLLY MAN!

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE ALL GET A ROUND OF ICE CREAM TO CELEBRATE?

Gerald: SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

( kids all talking at once )

ICE CREAM, ICE CREAM!

COME AND GET IT!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

I SOLD 'EM ALL, ARNOLD!

I CAN KEEP MY JOB.

CONGRATULATIONS, MR. JOLLY-OLLY MAN.

THANKS, ARNOLD.

THANKS A LOT.

ABOUT MY GRADE?

OH, YOUR GRADE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU GET AN "F", KID.

A BIG, FAT "F."

HUH?

"F" FOR FRIENDLY!

JUST KIDDING!

YOU GET AN "A"!

I GUESS THE LAUGH'S ON YOU NOW, HUH, DAD?

OH YEAH, YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO FIRE ME, DIDN'T YOU?

WELL, YOU CAN'T FIRE ME 'CAUSE I SOLD ALL MY ICE CREAM

EVERY LAST ONE.

OOH, AND THE KIDS LOVE ME.

I'M THE JOLLY-OLLY MAN

AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE!

( laughing heartily... )

( kids yelling )

( horns honking )

"YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE SOCIAL EVENT OF THE SEASON

"A SOIREE AT 5:00 P.M. SATURDAY

"AT THE HOME OF MISS RHONDA LLOYD.

"THERE WILL BE LIGHT SUPPER, AND DANCING."?

I RECKON THIS HERE'S OUR FIRST BOY-GIRL PARTY.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT SEEMS PRETTY SOPHISTICATED TO ME.

I MEAN, GIRLS... AND DANCING?

OH, I RECKON GIRLS ARE ALL RIGHT.

AND EVEN DANCING MIGHT NOT BE SO BAD.

UNLESS YOU WIND UP HAVING TO DANCE WITH

SOMEONE LIKE... BIG PATTY.

YEAH, WELL, I THINK GIRLS ARE STUPID.

AND DANCING'S STUPID, TOO.

IF I EVER DANCED WITH A GIRL

I'D DROP DEAD.

( gags )

WELL, THERE'S PROBABLY

GOING TO BE A LOT OF FOOD.

I GUESS I'LL GO TO RHONDA'S.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

Woman: I DON'T UNDERSTAND, HAROLD.

WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO THE PARTY?

WHY SHOULD I?

ALL THE OTHER KIDS ARE GOING.

PUT ON YOUR BAR MITZVAH SUIT AND HAVE FUN.

WHO KNOWS, YOU MIGHT MEET A NICE LITTLE GIRLFRIEND.

YUCK, I HATE GIRLS!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH GIRLS?

YOUR MOTHER WAS A GIRL.

A LONG TIME AGO.

NOT SO LONG AGO.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S DIFFERENT, ANYWAY.

BESIDES, GIRLS DON'T LIKE ME, EITHER.

WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?

YOU'RE A CHARMING, HANDSOME YOUNG MAN.

NO, I'M NOT.

LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER, SON.

YOU'RE A CHARMING, HANDSOME BOY.

I AM NOT!

HE CAN BE CHARMING.

HANDSOME, TOO.

CUT IT OUT, PLEASE!

LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

YOU'RE A CHARMING, HANDSOME YOUNG MAN.

STOP IT, MA!

I'M NOT CHARMING

AND I'M NOT HANDSOME.

I'M A BIG, DUMB, UGLY KID!

HAROLD, PLEASE!

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO, BUT I'LL LOOK STUPID

AND NO ONE WILL DANCE WITH ME.

WILL THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, MA?!

HAROLD, PLEASE

YOU'RE GETTING ALL EXCITED.

I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!

( dance music playing )

( giggling )

( doorbell rings )

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ASKING ME

TO DANCE, ARNOLDO.

UH, I WASN'T.

BECAUSE I'D RATHER STICK MY HEAD IN THAT DIP

THAN DANCE WITH A FOOTBALL HEAD LIKE YOU.

THAT'S OKAY, I WAS JUST GETTING SOME PUNCH.

( to herself ): ARNOLD, WHAT A DWEEB.

HOW I LOATHE HIM.

AND YET...

I LOVE HIM.

THOSE GOLDEN LOCKS

THOSE ADORABLE HALF-LIDDED EYES.

OH, IF ONLY MY COURAGE WERE NOT SO SHALLOW

AND MY RESOLVE SO CRACKED.

IF ONLY MY TONGUE WERE NOT SO THICK

I WOULD SPEAK THE WORDS

THAT BURNINGLY COURSE THROUGH MY VEINS

EVERY DAY OF MY TWISTED EXISTENCE...

I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU...

I LOVE YOU.

( chomping )

( breathing heavily )

( music playing... )

HI. ( clears throat )

I WAS WONDERING...

YEAH?

COULD I BORROW THIS CHAIR?

OH... SURE.

( gulps )

HEY, ARNOLD.

YOU LOOK SWEATY.

HAVE YOU BEEN DANCING?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'M NOT DANCING WITH ANY DUMB GIRLS.

THAT'S FOR LOSERS.

I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO.

( gasps )

PRETTY GOOD SHOT.

THANKS.

YOUR EYES ARE KIND OF PUFFY.

YOU BEEN CRYING?

NO. WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

I JUST GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE.

WELL, HOW COME YOU'RE NOT DANCING?

HOW COME YOU'RE NOT DANCING?

'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT.

I DON'T LIKE IT, EITHER.

DANCING'S STUPID, ANYWAY.

NO KIDDING.

IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD

IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE GIRLS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH GIRLS?

NOTHING. I JUST DON'T LIKE 'EM, OKAY?

THAT'S JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A BOY.

SO WHAT IF I'M A BOY?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH BOYS?

NOTHING, EXCEPT THEY'RE STUPID.

I AM NOT STUPID!

AND IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN

I'M GOING TO POUND YOU!

YOU AND WHAT ARMY?

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY BUG ME!

I KNOW WHY YOU CAN'T DANCE: YOU'RE SCARED.

AM NOT. TAKE THAT BACK, YOU LIAR.

( clucking )

I AM NOT SCARED TO DANCE.

WATCH THIS!

ONE, TWO...

THREE, FOUR.

ONE, TWO...

THREE, FOUR.

YOU SMELL LIKE SOMETHING.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

NOTHING. IT'S NICE.

OH, THANKS.

DON'T MENTION IT.

YOU'RE BIG FOR A FOURTH GRADER.

WELL, I WAS SORT OF, UH

HELD BACK A COUPLE OF YEARS.

IT'S NOT THAT I'M DUMB OR ANYTHING, OKAY?

THEY SAID I DIDN'T APPLY MYSELF, THAT'S ALL.

IT BUGS ME WHEN PEOPLE SAY I'M DUMB.

IF I HAD A DIME FOR EVERY KID

I BEAT UP FOR CALLING ME DUMB, BOY...

I'D SURE HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH OF DIMES!

I KNOW. KIDS CALL ME DUMB SOMETIMES, TOO.

WELL, YOU DON'T SEEM SO DUMB TO ME.

THANKS.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

HAROLD.

MY NAME'S PATTY.

OH, I LIKE THAT.

SO, NICE NIGHT, HUH?

DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?

C'EST LA FIN.

THE PARTY'S OVER.

EVERYONE'S GONE.

( sighs )

SO THEN THE DOCTORS HAD TO CUT

AND TAKE OUT MY APPENDIX.

WANT TO SEE MY SCAR?

HEY, THAT'S NEAT.

YOU THINK SO?

MOST GIRLS THINK IT'S GROSS.

HEY, WE'VE BEEN TALKING ALL NIGHT.

I DON'T USUALLY TALK TO GIRLS THIS MUCH.

MOST THINK I'M DOPEY AND BORING.

I DON'T THINK SO.

REALLY?

NO, I THINK

YOU'RE... WELL, I THINK

YOU'RE KIND OF CHARMING.

OH, I...

HEY, TOMORROW'S SUNDAY.

Y-YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING?

LIKE WHAT?

I-I-I DON'T KNOW, JUST HANG AROUND.

MAYBE, UH, GOOF ON SOME PEOPLE.

SURE, IF YOU WANT TO.

( laughing )

( gulls cawing )

I DON'T LIKE LUNCH PERIOD THAT MUCH.

YOU'RE KIDDING!

THAT'S MY FAVORITE PERIOD.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE LUNCH PERIOD?!

PROBABLY 'CAUSE I ALWAYS END UP SITTING ALONE

EVER SINCE SECOND GRADE.

I GOT A REPUTATION FOR BEING TOUGH.

NOBODY EVER WANTED TO SIT WITH ME.

NO BIG DEAL

BUT SOMETIMES I WISH

I HAD SOMEBODY TO EAT WITH.

YOU KNOW, JUST A FRIEND I COULD TALK TO...

IN BETWEEN CHEWING.

HEY, STINKY, TELL ME

WHAT I'M LOOKING AT.

WELL... I'D SAY IT LOOKS LIKE HAROLD, ONLY

IT CAN'T BE HAROLD

ON ACCOUNT OF HE'S SITTING WITH A GIRL!

IT IS HAROLD.

AND IT'S NOT JUST A GIRL

IT'S BIG PATTY.

YOU RECKON HE SNAPPED HIS CAP?

GUESS SO-- WHAT OTHER EXPLANATION IS THERE?

I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME, PATTY.

ME, TOO.

I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU.

OKAY.

HEY, PATTY.

UH, I WAS JUST

UH, JUST, JUST WONDERING.

UM, YOU WANT TO SIT TOGETHER

AT LUNCH TOMORROW?

REALLY? UH, SURE.

OKAY. MEET YOU IN THE HALLWAY BY THE FOUNTAIN AFTER THE BELL.

OKAY.

SEE YA!

HEY, HAROLD.

( gasps ) WHAT?

AM I WHACKED, OR DID WE SEE YOU

WITH BIG PATTY AT THE ICE CREAM PARLOR?

YEAH, I WAS THERE.

WITH BIG PATTY?

HER NAME'S PATTY, AND...

SO WHAT IF I WAS?

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS, ANYWAY?

I DON'T. I MEAN, THEY'RE OKAY.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, ANYWAYS?

WELL, IT'S NO BIG DEAL

IF YOU GOT A CRUSH ON A GIRL, HAROLD.

BUT WHO'D THINK YOU'D GET ONE ON BIG PATTY?

YEAH, BIG PATTY.

( laughing )

CUT IT OUT!

THERE IS NO CRUSH.

I DON'T EVEN REALLY LIKE HER.

I WAS JUST DOING HER A FAVOR BEING WITH HER.

I PROBABLY WON'T SEE HER AGAIN!

OKAY, HAROLD. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET

ALL MAD ABOUT IT.

STOP IT, OR I'LL POUND YOU!

Marilyn: PATTY. AND WHO IS THIS PATTY PERSON?

Harold: JUST A GIRL.

A GIRL? WHERE DID YOU MEET HER?

AT THE PARTY-- NO BIG DEAL.

YOU SPENT THE AFTERNOON WITH HER.

SOUNDS LIKE HAROLD'S GOT A SPECIAL GIRLFRIEND.

SHE'S NO GIRLFRIEND!

WE'LL INVITE HER FOR DINNER-- HOW'S WEDNESDAY?

WE CAN INVITE HER PARENTS, TOO.

( moans )

WE CAN INVITE HER PARENTS, TOO.

( moans )

WE CAN SHOW HER THOSE ADORABLE BABY PICTURES OF YOU.

THE ONES OF YOU ON THE BEARSKIN

WITH YOUR KEISTER UP IN THE AIR.

OH, GEE!

OH, THEY'RE SO CUTE!

HEY, HAROLD, YOU WANT TO HAVE LUNCH

WITH ME AND SID?

I WAS KIND OF SUPPOSED TO MEET SOMEBODY.

WHO?

IT'S NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND

WHO?

IT'S NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND

BIG PATTY, IS IT?

( laughing )

Both: HAROLD AND PATTY!

SHUT UP!

IT'S NOT PATTY. WHY WOULD I LUNCH WITH HER?

AND SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!

( kids talking and laughing... )

I GUESS RHONDA'S PARTY WAS OKAY. I ATE A LOT.

AND WE GOT TO SEE

WOLFGANG SPILL A WHOLE GLASS

OF PUNCH ON HIS PANTS.

( laughing )

EVEN THE DANCING WASN'T SO BAD.

ESPECIALLY SEEING WE DIDN'T HAVE TO DANCE

WITH SOMEONE LIKE BIG PATTY.

SHE'S SO BIG AND CLUMSY

SHE'D PROBABLY STEP ON YOUR FEET

AND HOSPITALIZE YOU.

( both laughing )

YEAH, OR SHE'D TRIP OVER HER OWN FEET

AND FALL ON YOU AND CRUSH YOU.

AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL.

I GUESS IF BIG PATTY TRIED TO DANCE WITH ME

I'D RUN FOR MY LIFE!

STOP IT!

YOU GUYS ARE CLUELESS!

HER NAME'S NOT "BIG PATTY," IT'S PATTY!

AND SHE'S NOT CLUMSY

AND SHE'S NOT DUMB!

NOT ONLY THAT, SHE'S SMART

AND NICE AND FUNNY!

I MUST BE CRAZY TO LISTEN TO YOU GUYS.

WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?!

ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT I THINK.

AND WHAT I THINK IS, I LIKE PATTY.

AND IF ANYBODY'S GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT

I'LL BEAT YOU UP SO BAD

IT WON'T EVEN BE FUNNY!

SORRY I'M LATE, PATTY.

STILL WANT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH ME?

IF YOU DON'T, IT'S OKAY.

I MEAN, I, YOU KNOW

I'D UNDERSTAND.

PLEASE SIT DOWN, HAROLD.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON