Original subtitles

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Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

Arnold: "AS WE LEFT THE LITTLE HOUSE BY THE DAIRY

"WE KNEW WE'D REMEMBER WHAT WE LEARNED THAT MAGIC SUMMER.

YOU CAN FIND MAGIC EVERYWHERE, IF YOU LOOK HARD ENOUGH."

( sighs )

WONDERFUL, ARNOLD.

THAT WAS THE LITTLE HOUSE BY THE DAIRY, WRITTEN BY...

MY FAVORITE WRITER, AGATHA CAULFIELD.

YOU'VE ALL PICKED YOUR FAVORITE WRITERS

AND READ THEIR WORK TO THE CLASS

IT'S TIME TO START ON YOUR REPORTS.

( groaning )

COME ON.

JUST THREE PAGES.

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE WRITER?

WHAT IS HIS OR HER LIFE LIKE?

AND WHAT MAKES HIM OR HER SPECIAL?

DUE A WEEK FROM MONDAY.

ARNOLD, IT'S EASY.

JUST COPY YOUR REPORT

OUT OF THE ENCYCLOPEDIA.

NO.

OUT OF THE ENCYCLOPEDIA.

NO.

I WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT MAKES AGATHA CAULFIELD TICK.

I BET SHE'S AN AMAZING PERSON.

I'M GOING TO GO TO THE LIBRARY

AND READ EVERYTHING I CAN FIND ABOUT HER.

MAN, THEY GOT ALL THAT STUFF CAPSULIZED IN THE ENCYCLOPEDIA.

Woman: CAPOTE...

CARLYLE, NOTHING ON CAULFIELD.

SORRY.

SHE HASN'T SENT US A BOOK IN YEARS.

( siren wails in distance )

COULD YOU CHECK AGAIN?

CAULFIELD, C-A-U...

( woman babbles )

THANKS ANYWAY.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD PICK ANOTHER AUTHOR.

I'M DOING MY REPORT ON AGATHA CAULFIELD.

I'M GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT HER IF IT KILLS ME.

SHE HASN'T WRITTEN A BOOK IN TEN YEARS.

NOBODY KNOWS WHERE SHE LIVES

OR IF SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

( seagulls cry, Arnold sighs )

IT TAKES SOME MIRACLE

TO FIND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT AGATHA CAULFIELD.

ARR, YE BE LOOKING FOR HAGGY AGGY CAULFIELD, THE WRITER?

IT JUST MIGHT BE I KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS OF HER ABODE.

YOU KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES?

AYE, THAT TOO.

WHERE? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND HER.

I'LL TELL YE, BUT FIRST

YE HAVE TO HOP UP AND DOWN ON ONE LEG

AND CROON "DANNY BOY" IN A HIGH FALSETTO.

JUST KIDDING.

ARR, AGGY CAULFIELD LIVES YONDER, ON ELK ISLAND.

COULD YOU TAKE ME?

FOR FIVE GOLD DOUBLOONS.

I DON'T HAVE ANY.

THEN DO YE HAVE THE RUBY PARROT?

NO.

DO YOU HAVE 50 CENTS?

I THINK SO.

DEAL. ARR.

ARNOLD, YOU'RE ONE BOLD KID.

AGGY LIVES ALL BY HER LONESOME

NEVER HAS VISITORS.

Arnold: SO SHE'S A VERY PRIVATE PERSON.

ARR.

Arnold: SO SHE'S A VERY PRIVATE PERSON.

ARR.

Woman: HOLY CRACKERS!

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

ARE YOU... AGATHA CAULFIELD?

RIGHT, RAT-BREATH, NOW GET OFF MY PROPERTY.

MY NAME'S ARNOLD. I HAVE TO DO A REPORT

ON MY FAVORITE WRITER AND THAT'S YOU.

I LOVE ALL YOUR BOOKS.

A FEW WORDS WITH YOU

WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME-- PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GIVE YOU A FEW WORDS.

BEAT IT! SCRAM! VAMOOSE!

STAY AWAY FROM MY HOUSE AND STAY AWAY FROM ME!

LIKE TO HEAR A SEA CHANTEY?

Arnold: NO.

ARR.

♪ OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL DOLL ♪

♪ YOU GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL DOLL ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS AND I DON'T CARE ♪

♪ BECAUSE I'M LOSING MY HAIR. ♪

COME ON, ARNOLD, SING WITH ME.

NO, GRANDPA.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

WHAT'S WRONG, SHORT MAN?

I HAVE TO DO A REPORT ON MY FAVORITE AUTHOR.

I SEE YOUR PROBLEM.

THIS IS A TOUGH ONE.

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.

IT GETS WORSE?

I WENT TO SEE HER

TO GET INFORMATION FOR MY REPORT.

SHE WASN'T LIKE HER STORIES.

SHE WAS RUDE AND NASTY.

I JUST DON'T GET IT.

WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO MEAN?

GOOD QUESTION.

REMINDS ME OF AN OLD MAN I KNEW WHEN I WAS A KID.

IS THIS A LONG STORY, GRANDPA?

YES, BUT IT'S FULL OF WISDOM AND HILARIOUS ANECDOTES

SO DON'T INTERRUPT.

WE CALLED THIS OLD MAN MR. HOCKTUEY

BECAUSE EVERY TIME ONE OF US KIDS WALKED BY HIS HOUSE

HE WOULD SPIT AT US!

HOCKTUEY! THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS NAME, MR. HOCKTUEY.

WE ADDED THE MISTER OUT OF RESPECT.

NOT THAT HE EVER HIT US, BEING TOO OLD TO SPIT TOO FAR

STILL, IT WAS PLENTY MEAN.

I WANTED TO KNOW WHY.

SO ONE DAY, I MARCHED RIGHT UP TO HIS PORCH

STARED HIM IN THE EYE

AND SAID, "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SPIT AT US, MR. HOCKTUEY?"

WHAT'D HE SAY?

NOTHING. HE REARED BACK

AND HOCKED A BIG LOOGIE IN MY FACE.

HE MUST HAVE BEEN WAITING YEARS

FOR SOME KID DUMB ENOUGH TO GET THAT CLOSE.

( laughs ) OH, BOY.

I DON'T GET IT, WHAT'S THE POINT?

POINT IS, SOME FOLKS ARE MEAN.

THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FIND OUT WHY

IS TO GET REAL CLOSE TO THEM.

BUT WHEN YOU DO, THEY JUST SPIT ON YOU

AND NOBODY WANTS SPIT ON 'EM.

IT'S YUCKY AND MUSHY AND JUST OOKY.

KIND OF MAKES YOU THINK, DON'T IT?

♪ OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL DOLL ♪

♪ YOU GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL DOLL. ♪

I TOLD YOU

GET OFF MY PROPERTY-- SCRAM!

GET LOST.

I'M NOT ON YOUR PROPERTY AND I WANT SOME ANSWERS.

WHAT PART OF "GET LOST"

DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING?

WHY CAN'T YOU TALK TO ME?

DON'T YOU LIKE KIDS?

I DON'T LIKE ANYBODY OR ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY KIDS

AND ESPECIALLY KIDS LIKE YOU.

I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU

EXCEPT LIKE YOUR BOOKS

AND TRY TO TALK TO YOU

SO I CAN DO MY SCHOOL REPORT.

STAY AS LONG AS YOU WANT, RAT-BRAT

BUT I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE.

STAY OUT THERE ALL WINTER, FOR ALL I CARE.

MAYBE I WILL.

( bell ringing )

ARR.

ARR.

( bell ringing )

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE UP, ARE YOU, RAT-BRAT?

YOU'VE BEEN HERE EVERY BLASTED DAY

STUBBORN AS A MULE.

DON'T THINK I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU.

WHAT IN THE BLUE BLAZES IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO GET RID OF YOU?

ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS FOR MY SCHOOL REPORT?

IF I DO, WILL YOU STOP MOPING AROUND AND LEAVE ME ALONE?

YES.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

ASK YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS.

WHEN DID YOU START WRITING?

1946.

IS YOUR WRITING BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE?

OH, SURE, I SPENT ALL MY MAGIC DAYS

IN A HAPPY LITTLE HOUSE BY A DRIPPY DOODLE DAIRY

FULL OF ANGELS AND MAGIC GENIES AND FAIRY DUST.

HOLY CRACKERS!

WHAT A STUPID QUESTION.

WRITERS MAKE THINGS UP.

IT'S ALL A LOT OF DOO-DOO.

WHY DID YOU WRITE YOUR BOOKS?

BECAUSE I FELT LIKE LYING TO LITTLE CHILDREN

SO THEY'D GO AROUND BELIEVING IN MIRACLES

UNTIL THEY GET OLD AND TIRED

AND REALIZE IT'S A BUNCH OF HOOEY.

YOU MUST HAVE BELIEVED IN THESE STORIES.

I CAN TELL, THE WAY YOU SAID...

BELIEVE ME

ALL THOSE STORIES I WROTE

WERE NOTHING BUT LIES

MADE-UP NONSENSE, IDEALISTIC HOO-HA, CLAPTRAP.

NOW GET OUT.

OKAY, I'LL GO, BUT

I'M NOT GOING TO WRITE ABOUT

SOME OTHER WRITER.

WHAT?

I'M GOING TO WRITE MY REPORT ABOUT AGATHA CAULFIELD.

I'M STILL YOUR FAVORITE WRITER

AFTER I TREATED YOU LIKE A DOG?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY? WHY?

BECAUSE YOU WROTE THESE BOOKS.

READING THEM MADE ME HAPPY.

THOUGH YOU SAY YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS STUFF YOU WROTE

I KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN, YOU DO BELIEVE IT.

YOU COULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN THESE STORIES IF YOU DIDN'T.

MAYBE YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF ANYMORE.

IF THAT'S REALLY TRUE, I'M SORRY

BUT I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU

AND YOU'RE STILL MY FAVORITE AUTHOR.

MY FAVORITE AUTHOR, AGATHA CAULFIELD

WROTE SOME OF THE MOST POPULAR CHILDREN'S BOOKS

OF THE LAST 50 YEARS.

UNFORTUNATELY, SHE HASN'T WRITTEN

A NEW BOOK IN TEN YEARS.

SHE LIVES ALONE IN A RUNDOWN HOUSE ON ELK ISLAND.

"SHE'S NOT VERY FRIENDLY.

"EVEN THOUGH HER BOOKS WERE ABOUT HOPE AND BRIGHT FUTURES

"MISS CAULFIELD LOST CONFIDENCE IN HER OWN FUTURE

"AND BECAME A BITTER, ANGRY PERSON.

"SHE QUIT WRITING BECAUSE SHE STOPPED BELIEVING IN HERSELF.

BUT SHE'S STILL MY FAVORITE AUTHOR."

MAN, WHAT A REPORT.

MY FAVORITE AUTHOR IS A NASTY, OLD BAT!

( laughs )

UNBELIEVABLE!

I WISH THINGS HAD TURNED OUT DIFFERENT.

THAT'S LIFE, ARNOLD.

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS MAKE THINGS COME OUT

THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO.

Arnold: YEAH, I GUESS.

HUH?

THE WEIRD-HEADED BOY

AND THE MEAN OLD WITCH.

"ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A BOY WITH A WEIRD-SHAPED HEAD

"WHO BELIEVED IN MAGIC.

"THE LITTLE BOY HAD HEARD ABOUT A KINDLY OLD MAGICIAN

"WHO LIVED ON AN ISLAND ALL BY HERSELF.

"BUT WHEN HE FOUND HER, THE BOY DISCOVERED

"SHE WASN'T KINDLY, AND SHE NO LONGER BELIEVED IN MAGIC.

"SHE HAD BECOME A MEAN AND NASTY OLD WITCH.

"THE BOY WAS SAD, BUT HE STILL BELIEVED

"THE OLD WITCH WASN'T AS BAD AS SHE SEEMED.

"SO THE BOY WENT BACK EVERY DAY

"AND WAITED OUTSIDE THE WITCH'S HOUSE.

"AND THE WORLD-WEARY BOATMAN

"LOOKED EMPATHETICALLY AT HIS YOUNG AND EAGER CHARGE

AND GROWLED IN A LOW, BARNACLE-ENCRUSTED VOICE, 'ARR...'"

DELIVER ME LUMBER.

THE OLD BAT CAN STILL SPIN A YARN-- ARR.

"THE OLD WITCH WOULD ALWAYS REMEMBER HER YOUNG VISITOR

"AND WHAT SHE LEARNED FROM HIM.

"EVEN IF YOU'RE AFRAID TO GO LOOKING FOR MAGIC

"MAGIC STILL MAY COME LOOKING FOR YOU.

THE END."

( owl hoots, typewriter clacks )

Caulfield: HOLY CRACKERS!

( rips page from typewriter )

( traffic humming past )

( kids chattering... )

WOW, STINKY, AMAZING SNEAKERS.

HAH, MORE THAN SNEAKERS

ARNOLD-- BRAND-NEW CATERPILLARS.

I SAVED UP MY ALLOWANCE FOR 15 MONTHS

TO PAY FOR HALF OF THESE.

COULDN'T YOU AFFORD THE DELUXE VERSION

WITH CHASER LIGHTS?

SHOOT, GERALD, I'D HAVE TO BE

A DANG MILLIONAIRE TO BUY THEM.

( horn honks )

( beeping )

( limo door shuts )

( limo speeds off )

WHO IS THAT?

JUDGING BY HIS SHOES

I'D SAY HE'S A DANG MILLIONAIRE.

OKAY, LORENZO, IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME

TO A PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT DON'T BE NERVOUS.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'LL BE OKAY?

SURE, MOM, I'LL BE OKAY.

( laughing maniacally )

I'LL BE AVAILABLE BY PHONE.

YOU'VE GOT DR. HERBERT'S NUMBER, TOO.

PETER WILL PICK YOU UP AT 3:25.

YOU'LL JUST MAKE IT TO YOUR FIRST AFTER- SCHOOL APPOINTMENT.

I GOT MY SCHEDULE RIGHT HERE, MOM.

LOOK AT ME!

I'M ALL MUDDY AND I SMELL!

( Harold laughing, school bell rings )

( kids chattering )

WELL, BYE, MOM.

NOW, CLASS, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME

TO OUR NEW STUDENT, LORENZO

WHO COMES TO US FROM PEAVINE ACADEMY.

Both: PEAVINE?!

YES, I'M SURE YOU'LL ALL MAKE HIM FEEL

RIGHT AT HOME.

NOW, WE WERE DISCUSSING

THE MOMENT IN 1876

WHEN ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL...

( cell phone rings )

HELLO?

OH, HI, MOM.

UH, LORENZO, WE DON'T ALLOW PHONES

IN THIS CLASSROOM.

BUT IT'S A CALL.

I HAVE TO TAKE IT.

( all laughing )

OKAY, WELL, LORENZO, YOU'RE NEW, SO I'LL ALLOW IT THIS ONCE.

BUT PLEASE BE BRIEF.

UH, MOM, I HAVE TO WRAP IT UP HERE.

OKAY, VIOLA LESSON AT 5:00.

SO, MOVE IT UP FROM 5:15?

RIGHT. BYE, MOM.

( beeps off )

SORRY.

Both: VIOLA LESSONS?

( laughing )

( all joining in )

HEY, VIOLA BOY.

WHAT YOU WORKING ON?

RUNNING SOME KIND OF BUSINESS?

WELL, SORT OF.

I USE THIS TO CHECK MY STOCKS SOMETIMES.

( cell phone rings )

HI, DR. HERBERT.

MAY I HAVE A FEW MINUTES ALONE?

IT'S SCHEDULED TIME WITH THE FAMILY THERAPIST.

WHY NOT CALL HIM AFTER RECESS?

NO, SEE, AFTER RECESS WE HAVE TWO HOURS OF CLASS.

THE REST OF THE DAY LOOKS BAD.

THEN WHEN I GET OUT OF JUNIOR INVESTMENT CLUB

VIOLA LESSONS TILL 6:00.

THEN MY NUTRITIONIST ARRIVES TO FIX DINNER.

WHILLIKERS!

THEN I READ A BOOK

THEN 15 MINUTES OF FLASH CARDS

A HALF HOUR OF TV AT 8:00, THEN BED.

MM-MMM! THAT'S ONE BUSY BOY.

BUSY? HE'S A FREAK.

LOOK AT THAT SCHEDULE.

WHEN DO YOU HAVE ANY FUN?

I TRIED SCHEDULING SOME FUN LAST MONTH, BUT HAD TO CANCEL.

LORENZO, DON'T YOU EVER JUST, YOU KNOW, GOOF OFF?

GOOF OFF?

DO NOTHING, HANG OUT?

SHOOT THE BREEZE?

BE A KID?

BE A KID? I'VE NEVER BEEN ASKED THAT BEFORE.

CRIMINY, HE'S HOPELESS.

OKAY, TIME TO STOP GAWKING AT GADGET BOY.

LET'S PLAY KICKBALL NOW.

Kids: YEAH, ALL RIGHT, LET'S PLAY.

( dial tone )

DR. HERBERT?

( dial tone )

DR. HERBERT?

DR. HERBERT!

WANT TO PLAY KICKBALL?

OH, NO. DURING RECESS I ALWAYS

REVIEW MY ANCIENT GREEK FLASH CARDS.

OH, YEAH, M-ME, TOO.

( dialing cell phone )

HELLO, MOM? ARE YOU THERE?

OKAY, WELL, CALL ME BACK AS SOON YOU CAN.

( panicky ): PETER'S THREE MINUTES LATE.

I'M AFRAID I'LL BE LATE

FOR JUNIOR INVESTING.

NOW HE'S 3½ MINUTES LATE.

CALL YOU BACK IN TWO MINUTES.

LORENZO, HOW'S IT GOING?

FINE. I-I-I'M FINE.

I MEAN, IT'S OKAY MY RIDE IS LATE

MY INVESTMENT CLUB WILL HAVE STARTED

MAKING ME LATE FOR MY VIOLA, AND

OH, MY WHOLE SCHEDULE WILL BE MESSED UP!

WAIT. SLOW DOWN, LORENZO.

YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE 30 YEARS OLD.

OH, THANK YOU.

NO, THAT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT.

I MEANT, YOU'RE ACTING 30, BUT YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE NINE-- A KID.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

ALL I KNOW IS MY SCHEDULE IS...

YOUR SCHEDULE IS DRIVING YOU CRAZY.

BEEPER IN ONE HAND

CELL PHONE IN THE OTHER

AND YOU LOOK AT YOUR WATCH EVERY FIVE SECONDS.

YOU'RE A MESS.

I AM A LITTLE STRESSED OUT.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A KID.

I DON'T?

LOOK, LORENZO

YOU NEED TO PUT AWAY

YOUR PHONES AND BEEPERS

AND JUST HANG OUT WITH US FOR ONE AFTERNOON--

ONE WHOLE AFTERNOON OF SPONTANEOUS, UNORGANIZED FUN.

HMM... SPONTANEOUS, UNORGANIZED FUN.

THAT SOUNDS INTRIGUING, IF WE PROPERLY SCHEDULE

AND ORGANIZE IT.

IT'S JUST NOT LIKE THAT.

I'M TALKING NO SCHEDULE-- JUST UNPLANNED FUN.

WELL...

( horn honks )

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

( sighs ) OKAY.

I'LL TRY IT.

TOMORROW, AFTER SCHOOL, I'LL COME AND

HOW DO YOU SAY... "HANG OUT" WITH YOU GUYS.

( whiny ): OH, NO, ARNOLD.

YOU DIDN'T POSSIBLY OFFER

TO HELP LORENZO, DID YOU?

I TOLD HIM TO SKIP HIS APPOINTMENTS

AND HANG OUT WITH US.

( all groan )

THAT PLAN REALLY BITES, ARNOLD.

WE CAN TAKE AWAY HIS HIGH-TECH STUFF

AND SHOW HIM HOW TO HAVE FUN.

AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE

HE'LL UNDERSTAND BEING A KID.

Arnold: YOUR SCHEDULE IS DRIVING YOU CRAZY.

LOOK AT YOURSELF.

A BEEPER IN ONE HAND, CELL PHONE IN THE OTHER

AND YOU LOOK AT YOUR WATCH EVERY FIVE SECONDS.

YOU'RE A MESS.

( bell tolling hour... )

( horn blaring, skidding )

( kids chattering )

( motor slowing, horn tooting )

SO, YOU READY, LORENZO?

OH, YEAH. RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING.

I'M NOT SURE IF THIS KID AFTERNOON THING

IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA.

LORENZO, YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD DO THIS.

YEAH, BUT, BUT, I...

YOU CAN DO IT.

GIVE ME THE BEEPER

GIVE ME THE CELL PHONE.

WHAT'S THAT THING?

GIVE IT TO ME, TOO.

I'M NOT GOING TO MY NEXT APPOINTMENTS.

I'LL LEAVE THIS WITH YOU.

Gerald: OKAY, LORENZO

WE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

( yelling and shouting )

( crack of bat )

( cheering )

THROW, THROW!

( kids groan )

HE'S GOT FLASH CARDS IN ANCIENT GREEK

BUT NEVER PLAYED A BASEBALL GAME?

THERE'S SOME KIND OF... EECH ABOUT A KID

WHO'S NEVER PLAYED BASEBALL.

A GUY

IN A CHEF'S HAT.

A MISTER FUDGIE.

A SCOTTISH TERRIER.

RISING CUMULONIMBUS FORMATIONS?

( clang )

HOT DANG, I GOT ONE.

( gulls cawing )

( clang )

( laughs )

( glass breaking )

( gasps )

All: RUN!

HMM... ARTIFICIAL COLORINGS

AND FLAVORINGS?

WHY DO YOU EAT THIS?

UH... 'CAUSE IT'S GOOD.

I LIKE TO SMEAR SOME AROUND MY MOUTH

AND THEN LICK IT OFF LATER AFTER I'VE FINISHED THE REST.

YEAH, I LIKE TO EAT THEM IN ONE BITE.

( chomp )

AHH, AHH! BRAIN FREEZE!

( all laughing )

I HATE THIS!

IT HURTS, MOMMY!

I DON'T GET IT, WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

( laughter stops )

( back-up alarm beeping )

HOW YOU DOING, LORENZO?

IT'S NO USE. I'LL NEVER LEARN HOW TO BE A KID.

COME ON, YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED.

DON'T GIVE UP.

COME ON, YOU BUNCH OF WUSSY BABIES!

( laughs )

OH, WHOA, WHOA...!

( splash )

( laughing )

HEY, BUBBA, WATCH THIS.

All three: OH, OH, WHOA, WHOA!

( laughing )

YOU GUYS DON'T WANT ME

TO ACTUALLY WALK ACROSS THIS PIPE, DO YOU?

GO AHEAD. YOU CAN DO IT.

WHAT IF I FALL?

IT'S ONLY MUD, LORENZO.

YOU CAN DO IT.

ARNOLD, THIS IS POINTLESS

MILDLY DANGEROUS

AND ALL WE'LL ACCOMPLISH

IS TO GET MUDDY AND SMELLY.

WHERE'S THE FUN?

WHOA, WHOA...

( all laughing )

WHOA!

( screaming )

( yelling )

( gasping, murmuring )

WHOA, LOOK AT ME.

I'M ALL MUDDY AND... ( sniffing )

I SMELL!

All: YAY!

( shouting and cheering )

( laughing )

( yelling like Tarzan )

HOW'S IT FEEL, LORENZO?

I'M A KID!

I'M A KID!

Mother: LORENZO!

WHERE WERE YOU?!

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, MOM, I'M FINE, I'M FINE.

OKAY? YOU'RE COVERED IN MUD!

YOU'VE MISSED ALL YOUR APPOINTMENTS.

BUT IT WAS GREAT.

I THREW ROCKS IN THE DUMPSTER

I PLAYED BASEBALL, I LOOKED AT THE CLOUDS

I ATE FOOD WITH NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE.

MOM, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, I FELT LIKE A KID.

THIS IS TERRIBLE.

I'M GOING TO CALL DR. HERBERT.

MOM, CALM DOWN.

DON'T DO THIS IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.

YOUR FRIENDS?

I LIKE THESE KIDS.

I LIKE THIS SCHOOL.

I WANT TO STAY AT P.S. 118.

( sighs ) OKAY, LORENZO.

I SENSE YOUR PASSION ABOUT THIS AND WE'LL DISCUSS IT

AT OUR FAMILY PRODUCTION MEETING ON MONDAY.

OKAY.

TIME TO GO, LORENZO.

THANKS, ARNOLD.

( car door closes )

( cell phone rings )

HELLO. RIGHT.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, ARNOLD.

I MIGHT BE RUNNING A LITTLE LATE.

TAKE THE HIGHWAY, PETER.

WE'RE BEHIND SCHEDULE.

WELL, ARNOLD, LORENZO'S BACK ON SCHEDULE.

ONE SMALL STEP AT A TIME, GERALD.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, ARNOLD.

( all talking )

Helga: LET'S GO SPIT IN THE RIVER.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON