Original subtitles

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Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

Harold: "THIS COULD BE YOU.

ENTER THE YAHOO SODA SPOKESKID CONTEST."

WOW, THAT MEANS IT COULD BE ME, RIGHT?

OR ME.

OR ME, NOT THAT I'M BRAGGING

BUT WITH MY SENSE OF FASHION AND STYLE

I'M OBVIOUSLY A NATURAL.

IT COULD BE ANYONE.

IF THEY PICK ME

I COULD BE A MILLIONAIRE.

AND THEN I COULD BUY A MILLION MR. FUDGIES.

FAT CHANCE-- LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO PICK A LARD BOY.

IT COULD HAPPEN.

AND DON'T CALL ME LARD BOY.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

All: COME ON! YEAH!

( excited chattering )

HEY, STINKY, YOU COMING TO THE YAHOO SODA CASTING CALL?

NAH, I AIN'T CUT OUT FOR THAT HOLLYWOOD STUFF.

HEY, YOU NEVER KNOW.

AW, SHUCKS, ARNOLD, YOU GOT TO BE SPECIAL

TO GET PICKED FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

AND IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW

IT'S THAT I JUST AIN'T NOTHING SPECIAL.

COME ON, STINKY, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YES, IT IS, ARNOLD.

I'VE NEVER BEEN TOO GOOD AT SPORTS OR GAMES.

I NEVER GET THE BEST GRADES ON SCHOOLWORK.

AND I AIN'T THE FUNNIEST OR THE MOST POPULAR KID.

I SURE DO WISH I WAS SPECIAL AT SOMETHING.

BUT I RECKON THE TRUTH IS, I'LL ALWAYS JUST BE A REGULAR.

COME ALONG AND WATCH.

IT MIGHT BE FUN.

WELL, I WAS PLANNING TO MOSEY ON INSIDE

AND PONDER MY WORKBOOKS

BUT IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, ARNOLD.

SURE WISH I COULD HIT

THIS DANG BALL IN THIS HERE CUP.

OKAY, THERE MUST BE 2,000 OR 3,000 KIDS HERE.

ONE OF THEM HAS TO HAVE THAT SPECIAL SOMETHING WE NEED

TO MAKE YAHOO SODA

THE MOST POPULAR DRINK OF THE CENTURY.

THERE SURE ARE A WHOLE LOT OF KIDS HERE, ARNOLD.

BUT I FIGURE YOU COULD STILL WIN.

Man: ACTION.

( Scottish accent ): YAHOO SODA.

JUST DR-R-R-R-RINK IT.

NEXT!

( seductively ): YAHOO SODA.

JUST... DRINK IT.

NEXT!

( bossily ): YAHOO SODA. JUST DRINK IT.

NEXT!

YAHOO SODA... JUST DRINK IT?

NEXT!

UH... YAHOO SODA.

( feedback shrieks )

WHAT IS IT AGAIN?

NUMBER 248.

DRINK YAHOO SODA, IT'S REALLY GREAT.

I'M TELLING YOU

IT'S THE BEST SODA, OKAY?

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

I AM SEVEN YEARS OLD.

I AM A LITTLE KID, SEE?

NEXT!

( groans )

( sighs )

ANYBODY ELSE?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YOU HAVEN'T AUDITIONED.

NAH, I AIN'T NO KIND OF ACTOR.

COME ON, TRY IT, STINKY.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

OKAY, ARNOLD.

BUT I DON'T SEE THE POINT.

Helga: LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO PICK STINKY.

Sid: NOT A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE.

ANY TIME...

( drawls ): YAHOO SODA.

JUST DRINK IT.

SAY THAT AGAIN?

( drawls ): YAHOO SODA.

JUST DRINK IT.

THAT'S IT.

PEOPLE, WE FOUND OUR NEW YAHOO SODA SPOKESKID.

( applause )

I SEE BIG THINGS FOR YOU, KID.

COMMERCIALS, MAGAZINE LAYOUTS.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE BIG.

OH, ARE YOU GOING TO BE BIG.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, ARNOLD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M THE ONE

WHO THEM BIG HOLLYWOOD MUCKY-MUCKS PICKED

TO BE THEIR YAHOO SODA SPOKESKID.

THEY MUST HAVE SEEN

SOMETHING SPECIAL IN YOU, STINKY.

YEAH, MAYBE.

I SURE DON'T KNOW WHAT.

THANKS FOR COMING, ARNOLD.

I SURE HOPE I CAN REMEMBER

ALL THE WORDS THEY WANT ME TO SAY.

YOU'LL DO FINE.

LET'S PUT ONE DOWN.

THAT MEANS THEY'RE READY TO START.

BREAK A LEG.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?

Director: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, THIS IS PICTURE, AND... ACTION!

YOU WANT ME TO SAY THE WORDS NOW?

YES, SAY THE WORDS.

( sloshing )

YAHOO SODA.

JUST DRINK IT.

CUT... PERFECT!

THIS KID IS A NATURAL.

LET'S GET ONE FOR PROTECTION.

I RECKON I'M GETTING THE HANG OF THIS, ARNOLD.

( rooster crows )

Director: ACTION.

IT AIN'T NO CITY SODA.

IT'S YAHOO.

ACTION.

Alls I know is..

you better not touch my Yahoo.

Yahoo, it's good.

AH, NOW THAT'S A YAHOO.

Sid: LOOK AT HIM. HE'S HUGE.

ONE MINUTE HE'S JUST A REGULAR KID

AND THE NEXT, HE'S SOME BIG SODA CELEBRITY.

I HEARD HE'S GOING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.

I'D DO ANYTHING FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

I'M GLAD THEY PICKED STINKY.

I KNEW HE COULD DO IT.

YOU SAID HE DIDN'T HAVE A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE.

WELL, THAT WAS BEFORE I REALIZED HE HAD SO MUCH TALENT.

Woman: CORY AND KENNEDY LOOKED UP

WITH THOSE BIG EYES AND CORY SAID

"MOMMY, FROM NOW ON

I WANT TO GO POTTY ALL BY MYSELF."

ENOUGH WITH THE KIDS.

EVERY DAY IT'S THE SAME THING.

YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL!

OH, REEVE, I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

YEAH, I KNOW.

CAN WE PLEASE BRING OUT OUR FIRST GUEST?

THE LOCAL KID WHOSE STAR IS SKYROCKETING

INTO THE HEAVENS EVEN AS WE SPEAK--

OUR OWN STINKY PETERSEN.

( applause and music )

GOSH.

STINKY, DO YOU MIND IF I CALL YOU STINKY?

NOPE, I DON'T MIND, ON ACCOUNT OF THAT'S MY NAME.

STINKY, HOW DID YOU GET PICKED OUT OF THOUSANDS OF KIDS

TO DO THE YAHOO COMMERCIALS?

REVIS, JACKIE, I RECKON...

UH, THAT'S JACKIE LEE.

OH, YEAH, THEY TOLD ME ABOUT THAT BACKSTAGE.

ANYWAYS, I RECKON I WAS THE BEST ACTOR WHO TRIED OUT.

AND NOW YOU'RE THE YAHOO SODA SPOKESKID, A BIG SHOT

A STAR, A PHENOMENON, YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL!

Stinky: Revis sure gets riled up.

WE JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

YEAH, DOY.

THERE HE IS!

Rhonda: I HEARD THEY WANT YOU

TO SIGN A MILLION-DOLLAR CONTRACT.

I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU.

ME, TOO!

CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

IT'S A MIRACLE

THEY DIDN'T DISCOVER YOU SOONER.

OOH.

( gasps )

STINKMEISTER, WAIT UP!

HEY, STINKY, WANT TO GO TO THE ARCADE?

LOVE TO, ARNOLD, BUT I AIN'T GOT THE TIME.

I GOT A PHOTO SESSION, CONTRACTS TO LOOK OVER

AND I'M BOOKED TO SHOOT

ANOTHER COMMERCIAL THIS AFTERNOON.

YOUR LIMO IS READY, MR. STINKY.

THANKS, V.J.

I GOT TO GO.

WHY DON'T YOU STOP BY THE STUDIO AROUND 5:00?

OKAY.

CIAO, ARNOLD.

CIAO, MR. ARNOLD.

STINKY?

COME ON IN, ARNOLD.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

I'M JUST GETTING MADE UP FOR MY COMMERCIAL

AND LOOKING OVER THESE HERE CONTRACTS.

LITTLE MORE PANCAKE UNDER THE EYES.

THANKS, BABE.

YOU'RE WELCOME

AND DON'T CALL ME BABE.

OKEY-DOKEY.

LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GETTING PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I AM.

I WASN'T REAL SURE AT FIRST

BUT NOW I RECKON I'VE TURNED INTO A PRETTY GOOD ACTOR.

THEY LIKE ME, ARNOLD.

THEY REALLY LIKE ME.

I FINALLY FOUND THE ONE THING I'M REALLY GOOD AT.

THE ONE THING THAT MAKES ME SPECIAL.

IT AIN'T EVERY KID WHO'S A GOOD ACTOR.

SO I GUESS THAT MAKES ME

SPECIAL AT SOMETHING, DON'T IT?

I GUESS IT DOES.

THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL "THE BEST BOY."

DON'T MEAN HE HAS TO BE A BOY

IT'S JUST WHAT THEY CALL THE FELLER

WHO HELPS FIX UP ALL THE LIGHTS.

IT'S ONE OF THEM TECHNICAL WORDS.

BEST BOY.

Director: HE'S THE WORLD'S WORST ACTOR

BUT HE'S SO BAD AT READING HIS LINES

THAT IT'S FUNNY.

THE POINT WAS TO FIND

THE DOPIEST- SOUNDING KID

THE WORST ACTOR IN THE WORLD

AND WE FOUND HIM.

I MEAN, EVEN HIS NAME IS DOPEY.

STINKY? STINKY PETERSEN?

STINKY.

SO I'M A BIG JOKE, HUH?

MAYBE IT'S JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING.

THE ONLY ONE WITH A MISUNDERSTANDING

IS ME, ARNOLD.

I GUESS I'M NOT SPECIAL AFTER ALL.

STINKY, WAIT.

Director: IT'S HILARIOUS.

A "YAHOO" SELLING YAHOO.

WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A FORTUNE OFF HIM.

( kids cheering )

NO, SIR.

I AIN'T DOING IT.

NOT NO WAY, NOT NO HOW.

SON, PLEASE, SIGN THE CONTRACT.

PLEASE, WE'RE BEGGING YOU.

Y'ALL CAN FIND YOURSELVES ANOTHER FOOL.

YOU HAVE TO SIGN THE CONTRACT.

YOU'RE THE YAHOO SODA KID.

THIS DEAL IS WORTH A MILLION DOLLARS

IN COMMERCIALS AND PUBLIC APPEARANCES.

NOTHING DOING.

PLEASE, STINKY, SIGN THE PAPERS.

IT'S A MILLION DOLLARS.

NO DEAL.

( whimpers )

IT'S HOPELESS.

I CAN'T TALK TO THIS KID.

THIS IS IT...

( door closes )

( wailing ): WHY? WHY?!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

WHAT AN IDIOT.

( sobbing inconsolably )

I ALWAYS KNEW HE'D NEVER MAKE IT TO THE BIG TIME.

( sobbing continues... )

( car horns honking )

HEY, STINKY.

HOWDY, ARNOLD.

Arnold: I'M SORRY THINGS

DIDN'T WORK OUT THE WAY YOU WANTED.

THANKS, ARNOLD.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

YOU WANTED TO BE SPECIAL.

YEP.

YOU WANTED TO BE SPECIAL.

YEP.

JUST BECAUSE THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT

DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD GIVE UP HOPE.

YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING

THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL.

OH, I AM SPECIAL.

I TURNED DOWN A MILLION- DOLLAR CONTRACT

SO I COULD HANG ON

TO SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT.

WHAT'S THAT?

MY PRIDE, ARNOLD.

LOTS OF PEOPLE GOT PRIDE

BUT I GOT A MILLION DOLLARS' WORTH.

AND THE WAY I FIGURE IT, THAT MAKES ME SPECIAL.

YEAH, I GUESS IT DOES.

BESIDES...

I GOT THE REST OF MY LIFE

TO FIGURE OUT OTHER STUFF

I CAN BE GOOD AT.

MAYBE I'LL BE AN ASTRONAUT

OR A SCIENTIST OR SOMETHING.

MAYBE.

( school bell ringing )

Rhonda: HEY, HELGA.

I HEARD YOUR SISTER, OLGA

IS COMING HOME FROM COLLEGE.

SHE'S SO GREAT.

SHE'S PRETTY AND POPULAR

AND A FABULOUS DRESSER.

NOT TO MENTION AN AWARD-WINNING SCHOLAR.

AND SHE'S SO NICE AND FRIENDLY.

YOU MUST LOVE HAVING HER AS A SISTER.

OH, YEAH. I JUST LOVE OLGA.

Olga: THEN, WHEN I FINISH MY CONCERTO

ROSES AT MY FEET

THE ENTIRE ORCHESTRA

GAVE ME A STANDING OVATION.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

( growls )

HERE I AM ON THE COVER

OF LEADERS OF TOMORROW.

WITH THE RAJA OF MALGUWAY.

HE'S OODLES OF FUN.

I'M JUST SO PROUD OF YOU, DEAR.

I'M GOING TO BARF.

THE BEST NEWS FOR LAST:

I'VE MET A BOY

I'M QUITTING SCHOOL, TO MARRY HIM

AND MOVE TO THE BIG CITY.

IS THIS A JOKE?

NO, DADDY, IT'S THE BEST THING

THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

HE'S HANDSOME, DREAMY AND A FABULOUS ACTOR.

HE'S NOT FAMOUS YET.

I'LL GET A JOB AND SUPPORT US.

YOU'RE THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY.

OLGA, DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I MADE.

GEE, OLGA, THIS IS GREAT NEWS.

WHEN CAN WE MEET HIM?

Man: I CAN'T REMEMBER LIFE BEFORE MY DARLING OLGA.

SHE KNOWS MY DEEPEST TORMENTS AND MY DARKEST FEARS.

SHE'S MY ANGEL, MY SOULMATE.

MY SHINING LIGHT.

THIS GUY'S ALL HAT AND NO CATTLE.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO KNOWN EACH OTHER?

THREE WEEKS AND TWO DAYS.

SO WHAT'S THE STINKING RUSH ALL ABOUT?

GET MARRIED IN A YEAR, IF YOU STILL WANT TO.

YOU WON'T WANT TO.

MOMMY, DADDY, PLEASE DON'T BE HORRID.

IT'S OKAY, DARLING.

YOUR PARENTS NEED TIME TO ADJUST.

YOU LITTLE TWIST TOP.

BIG BOB PATAKI DOESN'T ADJUST, GOT IT?

DADDY?

IT'S NOT FAIR

TO MAKE OLGA CHOOSE BETWEEN US AND HER TRUE LOVE.

HELGA'S RIGHT, DADDY.

YOU'RE BEING AN AWFUL BRUTE.

AND, MOMMY, YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO LIKE DOUG.

I AM SO MISERABLE.

( sobbing )

IF I PLAY MY CARDS RIGHT, I CAN GET RID OF OLGA FOR GOOD.

( Olga sobbing )

SNAP OUT OF IT.

I CAN'T, HELGA.

I'M JUST SO UPSET.

THEN DO SOMETHING.

LIKE RUN AWAY AND GET MARRIED.

HELGA, WE CAN'T ELOPE.

MOMMY AND DADDY WOULD BE FURIOUS.

I KNOW.

I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE

BUT ISN'T IT WORSE THINKING

ABOUT LIFE WITHOUT DOUG?

( sobbing... )

I THOUGHT SO.

HERE'S THE DEAL:

START PACKING, I'LL GO OUTSIDE

SNEAK THE LADDER UNDER YOUR WINDOW.

YOU'LL BE MARRIED IN NO TIME.

HELGA, I FEEL LIKE, LIKE WE'RE TRULY BONDING AT LAST.

I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU.

DON'T MENTION IT.

OH, BOY.

SO YOU PLAYED LEFT TACKLE FOR GREEN BAY, HUH?

Doug: YEAH, THEY'RE THE TOUGHEST GUYS AROUND--

NEXT TO RETAIL SALESMEN.

SALESMEN? COME ON.

YOU'RE JUST GREASING MY CHASSIS.

NO, SIR, THE PROUDEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

WON'T BE FROM MY FOOTBALL DAYS

BUT WHEN I'M NAMED SALESMAN OF THE YEAR.

WHAT'S THIS GUY UP TO?

ONE DAY, I'LL MAKE ENOUGH MONEY AS AN ACTOR

TO START MY OWN MAJOR APPLIANCE CHAIN.

APPLIANCE CHAIN, THAT WAS MY DREAM.

OH, GEE, YOU'LL BE THE SON I NEVER HAD.

AND ONE DAY, BIG BOB'S BEEPER EMPORIUM WILL BE ALL YOURS.

CRIMINY!

DADDY HATED THIS GUY TEN MINUTES AGO.

OLGA, DARLING, OH, IT'S YOU, MRS. PATAKI.

GOODNESS, YOU LOOK SO YOUNG

I MUST CONFESS, FOR A MOMENT

I COULD'VE SWORN YOU WERE MY BELOVED OLGA.

THAT'S VERY SWEET, DOUGLAS

BUT IT IS NOT TRUE.

OH, YES IT IS.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU

UGH!

IS YOUR POWERFUL, ATHLETIC SHOULDERS.

UGH!

IS YOUR POWERFUL, ATHLETIC SHOULDERS.

WELL, I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG, BUT...

I USED TO BE AN OLYMPIC-CLASS SWIMMER.

REALLY?

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

I WAS AN OLYMPIC- CLASS DIVER.

OLYMPIC-CLASS LIAR, YOU MEAN.

HEY, DOUGMEISTER?

IT'S FOURTH DOWN AND INCHES.

OH, THAT "B" AND HIS FOOTBALL.

I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD FOOTBALL, MIRIAM.

SUCH A COARSE GAME.

OH, MAN, THIS GUY'S A TOTAL LIAR.

IF OLGA MARRIES HIM, HER LIFE WILL BE RUINED.

PERFECT.

NEW PLAN: FORGET WHAT I SAID

ABOUT RUNNING AWAY WITH DOUG.

EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.

WHAT HAPPENED?

DOUG WORKED MOM AND DAD OVER...

I, I MEAN HE WON THEM OVER.

SO NOW THEY'RE CRAZY ABOUT HIM.

I KNEW IT, I JUST KNEW THEY'D LOVE HIM.

YEAH, I COULDN'T HAVE PICKED ANYONE BETTER MYSELF.

( kids ooh, ah... )

WOW, HELGA, I HAD NO IDEA

DOUG USED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL RACE CAR DRIVER.

WISE UP, ARNOLD.

THE GUY'S A FAKE.

A FAKE?

HE'S LIED ABOUT ALL THE STUFF HE'S DONE

SINCE HE GOT HERE.

HE'S PLANNING ON LIVING OFF OLGA AND MY DAD.

YOUR SISTER STILL WANTS TO MARRY HIM?

SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

IT'S MY LITTLE SECRET.

IF HE'S AS BAD AS YOU SAY HE IS

YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING, HELGA.

NO, I DON'T.

IT SERVES HER RIGHT.

OLGA'S ALWAYS GOT TO BE SO PERFECT.

IT'S JUST THAT IF YOUR SISTER IS IN TROUBLE

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING.

HEY, WHO ASKED YOU, ANYWAY?

OKAY, FORGET I MENTIONED IT, HELGA.

Doug: HARK....

WHAT LIGHT FROM YONDER WINDOW BREAKS?

IT IS THE EAST AND JULIET IS THE SUN.

THAT'S REAL GOOD.

SHAKESPEARE, MIRIAM.

UH-HUH.

ROMEO, OH, ROMEO.

( slurping )

WHEREFORE ART THOU, ROMEO?

( kids shouting and shrieking )

( knocking on door )

WHAT A SURPRISE!

ALL MY FAVORITE PEOPLE.

SORRY I CAN'T STAY.

DID OLGA TELL YOU THE GOOD NEWS?

( wearily ): DOUG'S IN THE ASTRONAUT PROGRAM.

I'M GOING TO MARS.

SO, LET ME GIVE YOU THE WHOLE TOUR.

THIS IS IT.

I'M SO UNHAPPY.

Bob: OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

SUCK IT UP.

YOU RUINED YOUR LIFE;

NOW LIVE WITH IT.

WHY AREN'T YOU SMART LIKE HELGA?

SHE'S BRILLIANT.

Bob: SHE IS SMART.

AND YOU ARE...

( chuckling )

WHAT'S SO FUNNY, HELGA?

NOTHING.

Olga: OH, DARLING HELGA.

ISN'T IT JUST WONDERFUL?

LESS THAN AN HOUR FROM NOW

I'LL BE MRS. DOUG LECHAT.

OH, IT'S ALL JUST TOO PERFECT.

ISN'T IT?

I'M SORRY I'M CRYING, HELGA.

IT'S JUST THAT I KNOW MY LIFE WITH DOUG

IS GOING TO BE SO WONDERFUL AND HAPPY.

AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME MAKE IT ALL POSSIBLE.

DON'T MENTION IT.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME THAT MOM AND DAD LIKE DOUG

BUT IT MEANT THE MOST THAT YOU LIKED HIM.

I'VE NEVER TOLD YOU, BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT

YOU WERE REALLY WISE ABOUT JUDGING PEOPLE.

REALLY?

REALLY.

WE HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN VERY CLOSE.

BUT I'M REALLY, REALLY GLAD YOU'RE MY SISTER, HELGA.

I COULDN'T IMAGINE HAVING A BETTER ONE.

I WAS SO CLOSE. GEEZ!

NO, SWEETHEART, I CAN'T MAKE IT THIS WEEKEND.

I'M, UH, HOSTING A CONFERENCE WITH THE MAYOR

ON THE, UH, THE HOMELESS PROBLEM.

BUT HOW ABOUT NEXT WEEK?

WE'LL GO SKIING.

I MISS YOU, TOO, LINDA.

BYE.

HELLO, DOUG.

OH, OH, HI, HELGA.

I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY COUSIN.

I RECENTLY SAVED HER LIFE IN A FLOOD.

ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, THE JIG'S UP.

JIG? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IS THIS A GAME?

IT MAY BE A GAME TO YOU;

IT WAS TO ME.

BUT NOW THE GAME'S OVER.

PICK UP YOUR MARBLES AND HIT THE ROAD.

WHAT'S THE JOKE?

YOU ARE, BUCKO.

"APPLIANCE SALESMEN OF THE YEAR."

"I WAS AN OLYMPIC SWIMMER."

COME ON, YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CON ARTIST.

YOU PLAYED MY SISTER FOR A SAP; I WENT ALONG WITH IT

BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE HER SUFFER.

BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT ME

ALL FIGURED OUT, IS THAT IT?

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

HERE'S THE DEAL:

EITHER YOU LEAVE NOW

OR I SPILL THE BEANS

AND TEAR YOUR ACT DOWN IN FRONT OF MOM, DAD AND...

YOU'RE BLUFFING.

OLGA'S CRAZY ABOUT ME

AND SO ARE YOUR MOM AND DAD.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, BUCKO, I'LL JUST DENY IT.

THEY WON'T BELIEVE YOU.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS OF OLGA.

EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

SHE'S PRETTIER, SUCCESSFUL AND POPULAR.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

WELL, WHATEVER OLGA WANTS, OLGA GETS.

AND IN ABOUT TEN MINUTES, SHE GETS ME FOR A HUSBAND

AND I GET A CUSHY RIDE ON THE PATAKI BEEPER TRAIN.

YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO MESS WITH ME

SO DON'T EVEN TRY.

LET'S SEE.

IF I PUSH THIS REDIAL BUTTON...

HELLO, LINDA?

IT'S HELGA, OLGA'S SISTER.

YOU DON'T KNOW OLGA?

SHE'S DOUG'S FIANCEE.

THERE'S A LOT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT DOUG.

WHERE DO I START?

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE OLGA.

WHEN YOUR SISTER'S IN TROUBLE

YOU DO SOMETHING.

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU LIKE HER

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

IT MIGHT LOOK BAD IF I JUST LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

I DID LIKE HER

EVEN IF I DIDN'T ACTUALLY LOVE HER.

BUT, HEY, WHAT'S LOVE ANYWAY?

MY DEAREST OLGA

WORDS CAN NEVER TRULY EXPRESS

MY REGRET AND SORROW FOR WHAT I MUST TELL YOU.

I MUST LEAVE YOU, DARLING.

I'VE BEEN CALLED AWAY TO...

Olga: I'VE BEEN CALLED AWAY TO HELP SOLVE THE CRISIS

IN NAMIBIA.

OH, MOMMY, DADDY.

HE'S LEAVING.

"IT WOULD BE SELFISH AND UNFAIR OF ME

"TO ASK YOU TO MARRY ME UNDER THESE TRAGIC CONDITIONS.

"I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ETERNAL.

YOURS ALWAYS, DOUG."

I CAN'T BEAR TO LOSE HIM, HELGA.

YET, HE'S SO RIGHT.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN UNFAIR FOR ME

TO EXPECT TO KEEP HIM ALL TO MYSELF.

EVEN HIS FAREWELL LETTER WAS BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE.

I HAVE TO STAY STRONG.

( sobbing ): HE WOULD, HE WOULD BE STRONG.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO TURN NOW.

Helga: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!

SUCK IT UP, YOU BIG CRYBABY!

and NICKELODEON