Original subtitles

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Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

( clock bell chiming )

( school bell rings )

OKAY, RECESS IS OVER.

LET'S GO, BALLS IN.

( kids laughing )

SO, ARNOLD.

HI, CURLY.

LAST DAY AS BALL MONITOR, HUH?

UH-HUH.

LAST DAY AS BALL MONITOR, HUH?

UH-HUH.

IT'S PRETTY GOOD BEING BALL MONITOR, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, YOU GET RESPECT AS BALL MONITOR, RIGHT?

I GUESS SO.

YOU GET TO GO TO RECESS EARLY

AND THEN STAY LATE, PUTTING THE BALLS BACK.

BEST OF ALL, YOU DECIDE WHO GETS A BALL.

THAT COMMANDS SOME HEFTY RESPECT.

I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.

HEY, NEED SOME HELP?

THANKS, CURLY.

WELL, I FIGURE I'D BETTER GET USED TO CARRYING THESE.

( humming )

( alarm clock rings )

Curly: TODAY IS MY DAY, THE DAY I BECOME BALL MONITOR.

I'LL SMILE AND BE PLEASANT.

HECK, I'LL BE DOWNRIGHT AMIABLE, A REAL BON VIVANT.

THAT CURLY IS ONE REAL BON VIVANT.

I'LL HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR MY FELLOW STUDENTS.

I'LL LET PEOPLE ANSWER QUESTIONS IN CLASS

I COULD HAVE EASILY ANSWERED.

WAIT, I KNOW, I KNOW!

I ACTUALLY KNOW!

I'LL EVEN LET PEOPLE CUT IN FRONT OF ME.

Sid: YOU KNOW, CURLY'S ALL RIGHT.

Curly: AT RECESS, THE ANNOUNCEMENT WILL BE MADE.

MR. SIMMONS WILL GATHER US ALL TOGETHER...

WELL, CLASS, IT'S MONDAY RECESS

AND THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING.

THIS WEEK'S BALL MONITOR IS...

SID.

( gasps )

COME AND GET THEM!

BUT TODAY IS MY DAY.

I'M THE ONE, IT'S ME!

CURLY, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

YES, I'M THIS WEEK'S BALL MONITOR.

I'M THE BALL MONITOR! I AM, ME!

ACTUALLY, CURLY, SID IS OUR BALL MONITOR THIS WEEK.

I HAVE IT ON MY CHART.

DON'T WORRY, YOUR TURN WILL COME.

HEY, YOU TWO...

THAT PAINT IS TOXIC.

PLEASE, DON'T EAT IT.

( guffawing )

( belly laughing )

CURLY'S ACTING A LITTLE STRANGE TODAY.

TODAY? HE'S STRANGE EVERY DAY.

( bell ringing )

OH-OH. SORRY, SON.

ALMOST HAD A FENDER BENDER.

BALL MONITOR THIS WEEK, ARE YOU?

EXCELLENT, LOTS OF RESPONSIBILITY.

OPEN THIS DOOR NOW.

YOU'RE IN MY OFFICE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M NOT OPENING THIS DOOR.

I'M NOT COMING OUT.

I'M MAD AS HECK

AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE.

WHAT?

TURNS OUT I AM NOT

THE BALL MONITOR THIS WEEK.

I WANTED THE RESPONSIBILITY.

OH, I CAN TASTE IT.

AND I'M NOT HAVING A FINE DAY.

IN FACT, SOMETHING HAS GONE TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG!

I'LL SAY SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG.

COME OUT OR YOU'LL BE FACING SOME VERY UNPLEASANT TIMES

I'M WARNING YOU.

HERE'S CURLY.

( yelps )

THAT'S ONE.

ONE FOR ME AND 498 TO GO!

( cackling maniacally )

( thunder )

( kids murmuring excitedly )

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I HEARD CURLY'S GONE AND HOLED HIMSELF UP

IN PRINCIPAL WARTZ'S OFFICE WITH A BAG OF BALLS.

MY BAG OF BALLS.

AND NOW HE WON'T COME OUT.

OKAY, YOUNG MAN, I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

I KNEW HE'D COME TO HIS SENSES.

STAND BACK, HE'S COMING OUT.

HEY, WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?

GET BACK!

BACK, I SAY.

( all squealing )

I THINK CURLY'S FINALLY SNAPPED.

NO KIDDING.

CURLY'S SNAPPED.

HE'S THROWING KICKBALLS AT PRINCIPAL WARTZ.

MY KICKBALLS!

IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED.

OUR DEMENTED CURLY HAS GONE OVER THE EDGE.

CURLY, SNAPPED?

HOW TERRIBLE.

TERRIBLY SAD.

THERE'S A GRAND BROUHAHA OUTSIDE PRINCIPAL WARTZ'S OFFICE.

LET'S GO.

YOUNG MAN, YOUNG MAN.

HIS NAME'S CURLY, MR. PRINCIPAL WARTZ.

OH, THANK YOU. CURLY!

( over intercom ): Thaddeus. My name is Thaddeus.

THADDEUS CURLY GAMELTHORP TO YOU, WARTZ.

WELL, MR. GAMELTHORP, LET'S TALK LIKE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS.

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE PROBLEM IS:

INJUSTICE!

Day in and day out.

But the ultimate injustice is what happened today.

TODAY I WAS DENIED MY SACRED RIGHT

to be this week's ball monitor.

And I was ready to accept that responsibility.

But did I get it?

No! And why?

I was slapped down by the man!

OH, MY WORD.

I HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE.

( high-pitched jangling )

FOR WEEKS, I STUDIED

THE PROPER BALL MONITOR PROCEDURES AND ETIQUETTE.

I AWAITED MY TURN.

I LOOKED FORWARD TO GETTING MY SHRED OF RESPECT.

MAN, HE REALLY WANTED TO BE BALL MONITOR.

I HATED BEING BALL MONITOR.

YOU HAVE TO LUG THOSE BALLS IN AND OUT.

AND THEN YOU GOT TO COLLECT THEM

ALL OVER AGAIN WHEN YOU'RE DONE.

CURLY! CURLY, IT'S ME, MR. SIMMONS SPEAKING.

( clearing throat )

WE ALL RESPECT YOU, AND THINK YOU'RE SPECIAL.

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU OPEN THE DOOR, AND...

SAVE YOUR NEW-AGEISMS FOR THE SAPS, GRANOLA BOY!

OW!

I'LL HANDLE THIS.

THIS BOY IS DISTURBED.

I'M GOING TO RAM THE DOOR

GET HIM IN A HEADLOCK...

PLEASE, HE NEEDS SENSITIVITY

NOW MORE THAN EVER.

PLEASE, LET ME REASON WITH HIM.

REASON WITH ME? HA!

WHY SHOULD I REASON WITH THE LIKES OF YOU?

I'M TOO SMART FOR YOUR EXECUTIVE GAMES.

NICE JOB, MR. SENSITIVE.

GIVE ME TIME, WE'LL TALK HIM DOWN.

CURLY, WHY ARE YOU IN PRINCIPAL WARTZ'S OFFICE

WITH ALL OF THE SCHOOL'S KICKBALLS?

Why?

YOU SHOULD KNOW, OF ALL PEOPLE.

FOR WEEKS I MARKED THE DAYS OFF MY CALENDAR, ONE BY ONE.

TILL TODAY, THE DAY I WOULD FINALLY

BE APPOINTED BALL MONITOR!

I opened the front door to P.S. 118

and everyone walked in past me

just assuming I was the doorman.

WELL, HE WAS JUST STANDING THERE, SO, I WENT IN.

AND HAROLD ANSWERED THE BONUS QUESTION I WAS ABOUT TO ANSWER.

HAROLD STOLE THE QUESTION FROM ME!

ANOTHER INJUSTICE.

NO FAIR! HE LET ME ANSWER THAT QUESTION!

YOU LET HAROLD ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

Then Sid takes my place

AT THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN

AND IS REWARDED BY THE SYSTEM BY GETTING MY JOB OF BALL MONITOR.

CURLY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

YOU TAKE OVER AS BALL MONITOR.

I COULD DO IT NEXT WEEK.

I DON'T WANT YOUR BALL MONITOR WEEK.

I WANTED MY OWN.

( screaming )

LISTEN, MR. CAMELTHORP...

IT'S GAMELTHORP.

OKAY, YOU. YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME

I'M RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE.

WHAT ARE YOUR DEMANDS?

MY DEMANDS? I'LL TELL YOU MY DEMANDS.

I WANT TWO YAHOO SODAS, AND, UH... AND A MEATBALL SUB.

HMM, HE'S PLAYING HARDBALL.

AND I WANT THEM DELIVERED BY SOMEONE I CAN TRUST--

LAST WEEK'S BALL MONITOR, ARNOLD.

ME?

CONGRATULATIONS.

( cackling )

I'VE GOT 300 MORE KICKBALLS

AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM.

OKAY, DANCE!

( kids screaming )

NICE JOB, ARNOLD.

YOU GET CURLY TO OPEN THAT DOOR

AND WE'LL RUSH IN AND GRAB HIM.

SHOULDN'T WE TRY TO TALK TO HIM?

WE'RE DOING MY PLAN!

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.

NOT YOUR TALKING PLAN.

SHH. NOW, JUST LET HIM TRY.

REMEMBER, SENSITIVITY.

LOOK, WE'RE DEALING WITH A DANGEROUS ELEMENT HERE.

IT'S JUST CURLY.

AND THEY'RE JUST KICKBALLS.

THEY'RE NOT DANGEROUS.

CURLY? I'VE GOT THE YAHOO AND THE MEATBALL SUB.

OPEN THE DOOR, AND I'LL GIVE THEM TO YOU.

YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?

YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT SOME PLAN.

I'VE JUST GOT THE MEATBALL SUB.

OPEN THE DOOR.

OKAY.

BUT FIRST, EVERYONE, BACK AWAY.

GET BACK!

MOVE IT, PEOPLE.

YOU WOULDN'T DOUBLE-CROSS ME?

NO, CURLY.

OKAY, ARNOLD, COME IN.

WHILLIKERS!

NOW WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A HOSTAGE SITUATION.

YAHOO, AIN'T NOTHING TO IT BUT TO DO IT.

CURLY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BALL MONITOR.

I CAN SHOW YOU MY CALENDAR.

LOOK, IF YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BALL MONITOR

THEN LET'S TALK TO MR. SIMMONS ABOUT IT.

WE NEED TO TALK TO MR. SIMMONS.

LET'S SEE, HERE'S HAROLD.

EUGENE, RHONDA, SHEENA...

OH, I SEE WHERE I LOST YOU.

LOOK! THE WEEK OF THE HOLIDAY

I DIDN'T CARRY IT OVER TO THE WEEK OF THE 12th.

YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT

AND I WAS WRONG.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE BALL MONITOR THIS WEEK.

I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!

GREAT. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

OH, NO. NOT UNTIL I HAVE A DEAL IN PLACE.

WE NEED SID.

WE NEED SID.

Sid: YOU TAKE OVER TOMORROW

DO THE REST OF THE WEEK AND NEXT MONDAY.

THEN I'LL TAKE OVER FOR THE REST OF NEXT WEEK.

NAH, TOO MESSY.

HOW ABOUT IF YOU LET SID FINISH THIS WEEK

AND START YOUR WEEK NEXT WEEK?

CURLY?

WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO HAMMER OUT THE DETAILS, BUT... OKAY.

CURLY, I'M PROUD OF YOU

FOR COMING TO THIS REASONABLE AGREEMENT.

LET'S GO BACK TO CLASS.

WHAT HAPPENED?

ANY BLOODSHED?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

WE SOLVED THE PROBLEM PEACEFULLY.

All: YAY!

I THINK WE ALL LEARNED

A VALUABLE LESSON HERE TODAY.

DON'T TRUST THE QUIET ONES.

THEY'LL GO BONKERS

AND HOLE UP IN THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

NOW, COME ON, CLASS.

WE'VE GOT JUST ENOUGH TIME

TO FINISH WATCHING THE SLIDES

OF MY VISIT TO TIERRA DEL FUEGO.

ALL RIGHT, SON, COME WITH ME.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

I THOUGHT WE WORKED IT ALL OUT.

REMEMBER, PRINCIPAL WARTZ, SENSITIVITY!

HA! I'LL GIVE YOU SENSITIVITY.

I'LL GIVE YOU A WEEK'S WORTH OF SENSITIVITY

EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL.

Curly: HEY, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN DETENTION.

COME ON, I'LL DIE IF I'M IN DETENTION!

( bell ringing )

NO!

I'M THE BALL MONITOR!

( dog barking )

( man singing on radio )

MAN, THERE'S NOTHING GOOD ON THE RADIO.

LEAVE IT THERE, I LOVE THIS SONG.

♪ That's the meaning of eternity ♪

♪ I SAW, I SAW ♪

♪ YOUR FACE, AND WOW! ♪

That was Ronnie Matthews' hit single

I Saw Your Face, And Wow!

Want to go backstage to a Ronnie Matthews concert

then have dinner with Ronnie?

Write and say why you'd be the best choice

to win an evening with Ronnie.

OH, MY GOSH, AN EVENING WITH RONNIE MATTHEWS.

I MUST WIN.

WHO IS THIS GUY?

THE GREATEST SINGING SENSATION IN 50 YEARS.

AW, GET A GRIP, YOU WIMPS.

DON'T YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO?

LET'S GO SPIT IN THE RIVER.

♪ ...your face, and wow! ♪

HEY, PHOEBE.

♪ ...your face, and wow! ♪

HEY, PHOEBE.

AFRAID I CAN'T JOIN YOU AT THE RIVER, HELGA.

I HAVE THINGS TO DO AT HOME.

♪ ...and wow! ♪

( music plays... )

♪ I saw your face, and wow! ♪

( squeals ) NOW, TO COMPOSE

THE WINNING CONTEST ENTRY.

♪ Right then I took a vow ♪

♪ That we'd be together, girl, just you and me ♪

♪ That's the meaning of eternity ♪

♪ I saw, I saw ♪

♪ Your face... ♪

♪ and wow! ♪

♪ I saw, I saw ♪

♪ your face... ♪

♪ and wow! ♪

♪ And wow! And wow! And wow! ♪

( slot clangs )

( car horn honks )

( someone gasps )

I CAN'T WAIT.

I REALLY, REALLY, HOPE I WIN.

I CAN'T BEAR THE TENSION.

YOU'RE ALL WASTING YOUR TIME.

I'M ABOUT TO MAIL IN THE WINNING ENTRY.

OH, PLEASE, LET ME WIN THIS CONTEST.

I WROTE MY BEST STUFF.

I HOPE THIS WORKS OUT. AMEN.

Now the moment you've been waiting for.

Drum roll, please.

The winner of the Ronnie Matthews concert tickets

and dinner is... Phoebe Heyerdahl.

( all gasp ) PHOEBE?!

Phoebe Heyerdahl.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU

YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, WON.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ENTERED THE CONTEST.

YOU MUST BE REALLY EXCITED.

I'M... QUITE PLEASED.

Phoebe: I WON, I WON, I WON!

I GET TO MEET RONNIE MATTHEWS!

I GET TO MEET RONNIE MATTHEWS!

OH, JOY, OH, RAPTURE!

( shrieking )

♪ ...your face, and wow! ♪

COME ON, HELGA, PLEASE.

DROP IT.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU'VE REVEALED YOURSELF

TO BE A HOPELESS RONNIE MATTHEWS FAN.

DON'T MAKE IT WORSE BY DRAGGING ME ALONG.

BUT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO JOIN ME.

WHAT FOR?

FOR... EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.

I'VE BEEN TO CONCERTS.

IT'S IDIOTS SCREAMING THEIR LUNGS OUT

OVER SOME LAME GUITAR PLAYER.

RONNIE MATTHEWS IS AN ACCOMPLISHED GUITARIST

AND WRITES UNIQUELY INTELLIGENT LYRICS.

HE'S... THE VOICE OF OUR GENERATION.

MAN, YOU'VE REALLY SNAPPED YOUR CAP OVER THIS GUY.

AH... YES.

PLEASE COME TO THE CONCERT WITH ME.

IT'S ONLY A FEW HOURS

AND THERE'LL BE LOTS OF FREE STUFF. PLEASE?

HMM?

OKAY.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU...

LET'S KICK IT.

M.C.: AND NOW, LIVE...

BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES...

( crowd claps and cheers )

...THE ONE, THE ONLY, RONNIE MATTHEWS.

( crowd cheers )

♪ I SAW YOUR FACE, AND WOW! ♪

♪ RIGHT THEN I TOOK A VOW ♪

♪ THAT WE'D BE TOGETHER, GIRL, JUST YOU AND ME ♪

♪ THAT'S THE MEANING OF ETERNITY ♪

♪ I SAW, I SAW ♪

♪ YOUR FACE... AND WOW! ♪

♪ I SAW, I SAW ♪

♪ YOUR FACE... AND WOW! ♪

♪ I SAW, I SAW ♪

♪ YOUR FACE... AND WOW! ♪

( playing guitar )

Phoebe: OH, THIS IS IT, WE'RE BACKSTAGE.

ANY MINUTE WE'LL MEET RONNIE MATTHEWS.

WELL, THIS IS GLAMOROUS.

I KNOW, ISN'T IT?

YOU'RE THE GIRLS, RIGHT?

I'M CYNTHIA, RONNIE'S MANAGER.

OKAY, HERE'S THE 4-1-1.

RONNIE HE HAS TO GET HIS MAKE-UP OFF

TAKE A SAUNA, HAVE A MASSAGE, MEDITATE, DRESS.

WOW!

WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT, LADY.

WE'RE KIDS, WE HAVE CURFEWS, YOU KNOW.

YOU'RE CHARMING, ANYWAY, A FEW RULES ABOUT BEING WITH RONNIE.

DON'T ASK HIM HARD QUESTIONS

LIKE, ANYTHING

HE CAN'T ANSWER WITH YES OR NO.

LAUGH AT ALL HIS JOKES, DON'T TOUCH HIS WHITE SUIT

COMPLIMENT HIS SINGING, CLOTHING, HAIR.

RONNIE'S READY, REMEMBER THE RULES.

RONNIE'S HAIR STYLIST, MASSEUSE

TAILOR, PSYCHIC, VIDEO GAME CONSULTANT

RONNIE'S PERSONAL ONE-ON-ONE BASKETBALL OPPONENT

RONNIE'S MAKEUP CONSULTANT, AGENT, TRAINER

RONNIE'S IDIOT BROTHER-IN-LAW

AND, OF COURSE, RONNIE.

( squeals )

THE CONTEST WINNERS ARE HERE.

THIS IS, UH...

HELGA, AND SHE'S...

( gulps ) PHOEBE.

HELLO, PHOBY, HELLO, ELGA.

PLEASE, SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

SO, DID YOU ENJOY MY CONCERT?

OH, SO MUCH, IT WAS SO GREAT.

ALL YOUR MUSIC IS.

IT SPEAKS TO ME.

IT'S JUST GREAT, RIGHT, HELGA?

IT'S OKAY.

( laughing hard )

( entourage laughs )

THAT'S ENOUGH.

THAT IS FUNNY.

THAT IS SO VERY, VERY FUNNY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE FUNNY.

I LIKE HUMOR.

I LIKE FOOD.

NOW, VERY, VERY HUNGRY.

LET'S GO EAT.

DO YOU LIKE MY COAT?

IT COST AN ASTOUNDING AMOUNT OF MONEY.

I THINK IT LOOKS PERFECT ON ME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

PERFECT.

EH, IT'S OKAY.

THIS IS SO EXCITING, MR. MATTHEWS.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PHOBY, CALL ME RONNIE.

AFTER ALL, THAT IS MY NAME.

( laughs )

YOU SEE?

RONNIE MATTHEWS CAN MAKE

A FUNNY, TOO.

OOH, THIS PLACE LOOKS PERFECTO.

( cheering and applause )

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

I WILL HAVE THE MOST

EXPENSIVE THING ON THIS MENU.

I CAN DO THAT, YOU KNOW.

PHOBY AND ELGA

ORDER ANYTHING YOU LIKE.

REALLY?

OKAY.

SLAP A BIB ON ME AND STAND BACK.

( a burp )

SO, I SAID TO HIM, "I'LL TAKE 20 OF THEM.

DELIVER THEM TO MY HOUSE".

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS

YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH BUY ANYTHING.

YES, ELGA, I CAN BUY ANYTHING.

I THINK HAVING HEAPS OF MONEY AND BUYING THINGS

IS THE GREATEST SATISFACTION THERE IS.

BUT, IT'S MORE THAN BEING ABLE TO BUY ANYTHING.

RIGHT, RONNIE?

I MEAN, THE REAL SATISFACTION

IS THE FEELING YOU GET

SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT NOTE ON YOUR GUITAR.

OR THE RIGHT LYRIC FOR YOUR SONGS, ISN'T IT?

I WOULDN'T KNOW.

BUT, YOU'VE WRITTEN WONDERFUL LYRICS

CATCHY AND INTOXICATING MELODIES.

PHOBY, MY DEAR PHOBY, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.

I DON'T WRITE THE WORDS OF THE SONGS.

I DON'T WRITE THE MUSIC.

YOU DON'T?

NO. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW

TO PLAY THE GUITAR.

AND KEEP THIS UNDER YOUR HAT:

THAT'S NOT ME SINGING ALL OF THE SONGS.

I JUST MOVE THESE HANDSOME LIPS

AND OUT OF THE SPEAKERS

COMES A BEAUTIFUL VOICE, BUT IT'S NOT MINE.

IT'S ALL TRUE.

OH, MY. THIS IS DEVASTATING.

SO, YOU DON'T WRITE YOUR SONGS

YOU CAN'T PLAY THE GUITAR, YOU CAN'T EVEN SING

YET YOU'RE ROLLING IN DOUGH

AND EVERYONE'S FALLING ALL OVER THEMSELVES TO GET YOU STUFF.

MAN, I'M IMPRESSED.

YOU SHOULD BE, FOR I AM RONNIE MATTHEWS.

I AM THE BEAUTIFUL FACE, ATTRACTIVE PERSON

AND FUN PERFORMER EVERYONE COMES TO SEE.

BUT, I THOUGHT ALL THOSE

THOUGHT-PROVOKING LYRICS CAME FROM YOU.

NO, PHOBY, THEY COME OFF THE ELECTRONIC CUE CARD.

YOU HAVE A WHOLE STAFF OF PEOPLE AT YOUR BECK AND CALL?

AND SANDWICHES NAMED AFTER YOU.

AND YOU OWN A BUNCH OF CARS.

AND FIVE HOUSES.

RONNIE, YOU'RE A SHAM.

YOU'RE AMAZING.

YOU'VE HIT ON THE PERFECT SCAM.

( music begins )

HEY, THIS SONG SOUNDS FAMILIAR.

♪ I SAW YOUR FACE, AND WOW! ♪

TELL ME, WOULD EITHER OF YOU LADIES

LIKE TO HAVE A SHORT DANCE?

LET'S KICK IT.

♪ ...that we'd be together, girl, just you and me ♪

♪ That's the meaning of eternity ♪

♪ I saw, I saw... your face... ♪

RONNIE, THANKS.

YOU ARE SO WELCOME, ELGA, PHOBY.

PHOEBE. MY NAME IS PHOEBE.

AND AFTER YEARS OF CLANDESTINE

WORSHIP OF YOUR MUSIC

AND DAYS OF ANTICIPATION

I'M TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO MUCH MORE THAN A PRETTY FACE.

WHY, THANK YOU.

I TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY FACE.

WELL, ADIOS, WONDERFUL LADIES.

BYE, RONNIE!

CIAO!

VIA CON DIOS!

CALL ME!

HEY, COME ON, WHAT'S EATING YOU?

WHAT'S EATING ME?

ALL WEEK YOU MAKE FUN OF ME

FOR LIKING RONNIE MATTHEWS

AND WANTING TO GO TO THIS CONCERT

AND YOU GO TO GET FREE FOOD.

THEN YOU MEET HIM AND HE'S THE GREATEST

BECAUSE HE'S RICH AND HAS A MILLION CARS.

AND THEN YOU TWO ARE OLD PALS, LAUGHING AND DANCING...

HEY! YOU WERE THE ONE

BEGGING ME TO GO WITH YOU.

YOU SAID HE WAS THE VOICE OF OUR GENERATION, NOT ME.

WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS!

WELL, THAT'S NOT MY FAULT, IS IT?

( crickets chirp )

NO, IT'S NOT.

IT'S JUST...

THAT MUSIC, THOSE LYRICS.

THEY WERE SO BEAUTIFUL.

HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?

OH, COME ON, PHOEBE.

YOU'RE NOT STUPID.

SO HE WASN'T THE GUY YOU THOUGHT HE WAS.

ANYBODY COULD BE FOOLED BY A HANDSOME FACE.

EVEN SOMEONE AS SMART AS YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I GUESS YOU SHOULD NEVER MEET YOUR HEROES.

YEAH, I GUESS, WHEN YOU STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT

RONNIE WAS KIND OF DORKY, WASN'T HE?

HE KEPT CALLING ME PHOBY.

AFTER YOU, MY DEAR PHOBY.

OH, ELGA, SHUT YOUR TRAP.

( laughs )

MUCH BETTER, PHEBES.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON

Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]

♪ ...JUST YOU AND ME ♪

♪ THAT'S THE MEANING OF ETERNITY ♪

♪ I SAW, I SAW... YOUR FACE ♪

♪ AND WOW! ♪