Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

( horns honking )

( whistle blowing )

WELL, THAT'S IT.

I FIXED THE SINK.

THIS TREE HOUSE HAS NEVER LOOKED BETTER.

IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.

DARN TOOTING!

IT'LL PROBABLY LAST FOREVER.

JUST LIKE THIS TREE.

MIGHTY PETE IS THE OLDEST TREE

LEFT IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

IT'S PRACTICALLY THE ONLY TREE LEFT.

I LOVE THIS TREE.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH EVERYTHING CHANGES

WE KNOW ONE THING FOR SURE.

THIS TREE WILL ALWAYS BE STANDING.

THAT TREE IS GOING DOWN.

WE'LL BULLDOZE THE SUCKER

PUT UP A NEW BIG BOB'S BEEPER EMPORIUM

AND I'LL BE A 50% PARTNER.

20.

40.

20.

30.

20.

DEAL.

OVER HERE, CHARLIE!

( whistle blowing )

WHAT'S ALL THAT DANG COMMOTION?

Man: OVER HERE!

( tools rattling )

DEMOLITION ON FRIDAY THE 16th?

THEY'RE KNOCKING DOWN THE TREE?

THEY CAN'T DO THAT!

WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

FORGET IT, ARNOLD.

WHAT CAN A BUNCH OF KIDS DO?

YEAH, FORGET IT.

COME ON, YOU GUYS.

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.

Kids: BYE.

MIGHTY PETE IS OUR TREE.

Stinky: CAN'T FIGHT THE SYSTEM.

ARNOLD.

WHAT A NAIVE DWEEB.

AND YET...

I ADORE HIM.

HIS COMMITMENT TO RIGHT

WHEN WRONG IS CLEARLY MORE POWERFUL.

WHO WOULD CRUSH THE VERY SYMBOL OF MY BODY'S YOUTH?

BIG BOB'S BEEPERS?

( laughing )

OH, THESE CRAZY SITUATION COMEDIES!

DAD! IS IT TRUE?

NO, IT'S JUST A MADE-UP STORY, HELGA.

THOSE ARE ALL ACTORS.

NO, DAD. I MEAN ABOUT THE TREE!

ARE YOU TEARING DOWN THE TREE?

OH, ABSOLUTELY.

WE'RE KNOCKING THAT HARDWOOD DOWN AT THE KNEES-- ZING!

BUT WE ALL LOVE MIGHTY PETE!

CAN'T YOU BUILD YOUR STORE SOMEWHERE ELSE?

HEY, HEY, HEY!

I PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO THAT LOCATION.

THERE'S ALWAYS PEOPLE THERE

HANGING AROUND UNDER THE TREE.

IT'S A NATURAL SPOT FOR A BEEPER EMPORIUM.

IT'LL MAKE ME A TON OF MONEY!

AND WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME

IS GOOD FOR ALL THE PATAKIS

IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.

( laughs )

ALAS, HERE I AM AGAIN, TORN BETWEEN TWO FORCES--

ARNOLD'S FOOLISH IDEALISM

AND MY FATHER'S UNBRIDLED GREED.

( laughing )

AND THIS TIME, I FEAR BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

OH, CURSE THE DAY I WAS BORN A PATAKI!

( Helga moans, sirens wail )

Arnold: WHEN WE LEFT THE TREE HOUSE

THERE WAS THE NOTICE.

THEY'RE CUTTING DOWN MIGHTY PETE.

MIGHTY PETE!

( gasping )

OH, SAY IT AIN'T SO!

THAT TREE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.

WHY, I FIRST CLIMBED ON IT AS A LAD.

I HELPED BUILD THE FIRST TREE HOUSE WITH INDOOR PLUMBING

IN ITS STURDY BRANCHES.

I SPENT A LOT OF MY HONEYMOON IN THAT TREE.

( sighs )

WHEN THEY GOING TO CHOP IT DOWN?

I'D LIKE TO TAKE SOME PICTURES.

GRANDPA, WE CAN'T JUST GIVE UP.

DARN TOOTIN'!

NO ONE'S KNOCKING DOWN THAT TREE

WITHOUT A FIGHT FROM US!

WE'LL FIGHT 'EM IN THE STREETS!

WE'LL FIGHT 'EM ON THE ROOFTOPS!

WE'RE NOT TALKING

ABOUT ANYTHING.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MIGHTY PETE--

THE LAST LIVING EXAMPLE

OF CEDRUS ANTILLICUS IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

IT'S 700 YEARS OLD!

SO ARE YOU, BUT WHO'S COUNTING?

FIRST THING TOMORROW-- YOU AND ME

THE DEPARTMENT OF TREES AND SHRUBBERY, CITY HALL.

CITY HALL... YOU THINK THEY'LL HELP?

WELL, OF COURSE THEY WILL.

PLUS, YOU'RE A KID.

AND THE GOVERNMENT LOVES KIDS.

Man: FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LIKE KIDS.

SECOND, TO LODGE A COMPLAINT

FILL OUT THESE FORMS

IF YOU'RE LUCKY, YOU PRESENT YOUR CASE

IN FRONT OF CITY COUNCIL MONTHS AFTER THAT.

MONTHS? BUT WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK!

( snickering )

THAT'S NOT EVEN ENOUGH TIME

TO FILL OUT THE FORMS.

YOUNG MAN, THIS YOUNG BOY IS ON A MISSION

TO SAVE AN OLD TREE FROM THE BULLDOZER

AND YOU JUST SIT THERE AND HAND US SOME FORMS!

WE WON'T TAKE THIS LYING DOWN!

WE'LL TAKE OUR FIGHT TO THE STREETS

TO THE HEART AND SOUL OF THIS LAND!

( crowd cheering )

PEOPLE OF EARTH, WE MUST BAND TOGETHER TO SAVE MIGHTY PETE--

THE OLDEST LIVING THING IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!

THIS PROUD AND BELEAGUERED OLD LANDMARK

IS PITTED IN AN UNFAIR FIGHT

AGAINST RECKLESS GREED AND UNHEEDING PROGRESS!

( megaphone feedback )

BIG BOB?

BIG BOB PATAKI, HUH?

WELL, I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT.

COME ON, BOYS!

Chanting: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!

WE WON'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

PETE THE TREE IS MIGHTY GREAT!

ALL RIGHT! I'M GIVING YOU ALL THE COUNT OF THREE

TO VACATE THE PREMISES.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!

COME ON, KIDS!

OKAY, GRANDMA.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Kids: FIVE, SIX, SEVEN...

( shouting )

WE'LL BE BACK, PATAKI!

WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!

OH, YEAH? I GOT PLENTY MORE WATER WHERE THAT CAME FROM!

THAT TREE IS GOING DOWN! YOU HEAR ME?

YOU CRAZY OLD WART!

ON THE 16th-- SHARP!

( sighs )

( knocking )

Grandma: KIMBA?

Arnold: COME IN, GRANDMA.

HOW'S IT GOING?

OKAY, I GUESS.

REMEMBER, ARNOLD, WE HAVEN'T LOST THE FIGHT.

DON'T BE DISCOURAGED.

TOMORROW BIG BOB KNOCKS DOWN MIGHTY PETE.

TOMORROW, WE GO OUT AND FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT AGAIN!

GET SOME SLEEP, SOLDIER.

Gerald: MIGHTY PETE IS THE OLDEST TREE LEFT IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Big Bob: THAT TREE IS GOING DOWN! YOU HEAR ME?

ON THE 16th-- SHARP!

( sighs )

( squeaking )

YOU COULDN'T SLEEP EITHER, ARNOLD?

NOPE.

LET'S GO UP TO THE TREE HOUSE

AND PLAY CARDS.

I GUESS THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

( engine revving... )

OH, NO!

12:01.

IT'S NOW OFFICIALLY FRIDAY.

LET'S KNOCK THAT EYESORE DOWN.

IT'S BIG BOB!

( kid gasps )

AND... SOME OTHER GUY!

OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

IT'S THAT KID WITH THE WEIRD-SHAPED HEAD AGAIN!

HEY, YOU KIDS, GET OUT OF THE WAY!

NO, MR. PATAKI.

WE'RE NOT LEAVING.

GET OUT OF MY WAY!

I'M KNOCKING DOWN THE TREE.

AND I'M KNOCKING IT DOWN FOR GOOD!

MIGHTY PETE DESERVES TO LIVE.

IF YOU WANT TO KNOCK HIM DOWN

YOU'RE KNOCKING US DOWN WITH HIM.

Helga: ARNOLD, WAIT!

HELGA?

HELGA?

I THOUGHT YOU SIDED

WITH YOUR DAD ON THIS.

UH, NO. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M SIDING

WITH YOU OR ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST THAT MY DAD'S BEEN BUGGING ME LATELY

AND I THOUGHT I'D GET EVEN WITH HIM, OKAY?

( gunning engine )

MACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

I'M DRIVING INTO THE TREE.

BUT MY KID'S UP THERE!

THEY'LL COME DOWN.

YOU GOT TO SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS.

( screams )

( thinking ): I HOPE THEY STOP IN TIME.

( sniffs )

GOSH, HE SMELLS GOOD.

LET ME DRIVE, YOU... ( grunting )

( grunting )

Kid: WE GOT TO STOP IT!

QUICK, FIND SOMETHING TO THROW IN ITS PATH!

WE'VE THROWN EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK!

OH, WELL... HERE GOES!

IS... IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT TO THROW?

IF I HIT THE LEVER, I THINK I CAN STOP IT!

"IF I HIT THE LEVER, I THINK I CAN STOP IT."

ABANDON TREE!

( Tarzan yell )

( yelling... )

( yelling... )

( cheering... )

HEY, CRAZY LADY!

COME BACK WITH THAT BULLDOZER!

DAD!

YOU OKAY, OLGA?

IT'S HELGA, DAD, HELGA.

HELGA. SORRY, I...

TOOK A LITTLE BUMP ON THE HEAD THERE.

HEY, LET'S GO. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

THEN... YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KNOCK DOWN THE TREE?

I GUESS I'M NOT, AM I?

THAT CRAZY OLD LADY IN THE TARZAN SUIT

STOLE MY BULLDOZER.

( laughing... )

COME BACK WITH THAT!

THAT TREE MUST BE IMPORTANT

IF YOU RISKED YOUR LIVES FOR IT.

IT IS PRETTY BIG, ISN'T IT?

HEY, IT EVEN HAS A NEAT OLD TREE HOUSE IN IT.

YOU'RE RIGHT, ALFRED.

IT DESERVES TO LIVE.

I WON'T KNOCK IT DOWN.

( kids cheering )

YEAH, I'LL JUST BUILD MY BEEPER EMPORIUM

IN THAT VACANT LOT DOWN ON VINE STREET.

WAIT... YOU MEAN THE ONE WE PLAY BALL IN?

THAT'S THE ONE.

COME ON, HELGA, LET'S GO HOME.

WAIT A MINUTE!

MR. PATAKI, DON'T DO THAT!

COME BACK!

MR. PATAKI!

( kids yelling... )

Principal Wartz: CLASS, I HAVE

AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

YOUR TEACHER, MISS SLOVAK

HAS LEFT TO PURSUE HER DREAM TO BE A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER.

SHE'LL NO LONGER BE YOUR TEACHER.

( cheering and laughing )

I EXPECT YOU ALL TO BE COURTEOUS AND COOPERATIVE

TOWARD YOUR NEW TEACHER, MR. SIMMONS.

HELLO, CLASS.

All: HELLO, MR. SIMMONS.

I BET YOU ALL HAVE YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL WAY

OF SAYING "HELLO!"

( all sighing )

WHEN I SAY "HELLO, CLASS"

EVERYONE RESPOND IN YOUR OWN, INDIVIDUAL WAY.

HELLO, CLASS!

( crickets chirping )

THAT'S ONE WAY TO RESPOND: BY NOT RESPONDING.

SILENCE OFTEN SPEAKS VOLUMES.

MUSIC TO MY EARS.

OKAY, FIRST, I'D LIKE TO PLAY

WITH THE STRUCTURE OF THIS CLASSROOM.

LET'S BREAK FREE, AND MOVE THE DESKS INTO ONE BIG CIRCLE.

( all groaning )

I LOVE GETTING TO KNOW A NEW CLASS

SO LET'S BREAK THE ICE BY DOING

A COMMUNICATIONS EXERCISE.

( class sighing )

THIS... IS THE TRUTH CROWN.

WHOMEVER IS WEARING IT

HAS TO LOOK ACROSS THE CIRCLE

AND TELL THAT PERSON ONE THING THEY LIKE ABOUT HIM OR HER.

ONE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT...

ARNOLD.

THE TRUTH?

ABOUT ARNOLD?

UH, WELL...

I DON'T LIKE HIS STUPID FOOTBALL HEAD!

NO, NO, NO.

THAT WASN'T THE IDEA OF THIS EXERCISE.

MOVE OUR DESKS INTO A CIRCLE?

WEAR A TRUTH CROWN?

WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF WACKY CULT?

WE HAVE TO GET THIS GUY.

ALL THE USUAL TRICKS?

ALL THE USUAL TRICKS.

OKAY, DROP PENCIL AT 11:30; SWITCH NAMES.

CURLY, YOU FAKE VIOLENT ILLNESS.

GOT IT.

STINKY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.

EVERYONE KNOW THE DRILL?

ABSOLUTELY.

AFFIRMATIVE.

ABSOLUTELY.

AFFIRMATIVE.

ALL RIGHT.

Helga: LET'S GET HIM.

( all laughing )

CLASS, I WANT TO START BY TELLING YOU

MY TWO MAIN BELIEFS ABOUT TEACHING.

( yawning )

NUMBER ONE: IN MY CLASS

EACH PERSON IS A UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL.

AND THE THINGS THEY DO, GOOD OR BAD

THEY DO BECAUSE THAT'S WHO THEY ARE.

( laughs ) THE PENCIL-DROPPING PLOY!

TAKES ME BACK TO MY CHILDHOOD.

COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

HAROLD.

WHAT?

QUIET, HELGA!

HAROLD?

YES?

HAVE YOU TWO SWITCHED NAMES?

SLOW DOWN, I'M CONFUSED.

GLAD TO SEE THE TRADITION OF "MESSING"

WITH A NEW TEACHER'S HEAD IS ALIVE AND WELL.

( class coughing )

OKAY, I, I'M NOT GOING TO GET UPSET

BY ALL THIS COUGHING BECAUSE THAT'S WHO I AM.

AND I ACCEPT THAT YOU ALL HAVE TO DO YOUR COUGHING PRANK

BECAUSE THAT'S WHO YOU ARE.

HELP!

MY SECOND TEACHING BELIEF IS:

STUDENTS SHOULD NEVER STOP ASKING WHY.

WHY? WHY?

ALL THROUGH YOUR LIFE

YOU SHOULD NEVER STOP QUESTIONING

BECAUSE THAT IS HOW YOU LEARN.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

( laughing )

THIS GUY'S A REAL THROW PILLOW.

LET'S TAKE UP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF ON YOUR POETRY.

( class groaning )

I KNOW A POEM!

"THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM NANTUCKET...

THAT'S FINE. HAVE A SEAT.

YOU SEE, THE POETRY I LIKE IS... EXPERIMENTAL

DOESN'T-HAVE-TO-RHYME KIND OF STUFF.

LIKE THIS FAMOUS POEM BY WALTER CHARLES WALTER.

THE POEM IS CALLED "THEY WERE DELICIOUS."

"I HAVE EATEN THE TOMATOES THAT WERE ON THE WINDOWSILL.

"WERE YOU SAVING THEM FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION?

"I APOLOGIZE.

"THEY WERE DELICIOUS

"AND SO JUICY

AND SO RED."

THAT'S NOT A POEM.

IT'S JUST A LONG SENTENCE.

NOW, WHY DON'T EACH OF YOU WRITE A POEM

THAT COMES FROM, WELL, YOU.

AW, FORGET IT!

WHO NEEDS POETRY?

YOUR TOUCHY-FEELY

TEACHING METHOD IS BOGUS.

Class ( chanting ): BOGUS! BOGUS! BOGUS!

BOGUS! BOGUS! BOGUS!

BOGUS! BOGUS! BOGUS...!

THEY CAN TAUNT ME, BUT NOTHING CAN HURT ME

BECAUSE I AM STRONGER THAN THAT.

PLUS, I HAVE MY FAVORITE SANDWICH--

TURKEY, TOMATO AND WATERCRESS-- TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

WHERE'S... WHERE'S MY LUNCH?

( class laughing )

HAS ANYONE SEEN A BROWN BAG...

( cackling )

THIS IS INHUMAN.

WE BROKE HIM!

YOU COULD HAVE ASKED FOR SOME SANDWICH.

I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU HALF.

( class laughing )

I AM HAPPY TO STAY HERE

IF YOU'LL ATTEMPT TO BE A CLASS OF STUDENTS

YET I JUST MAY LEAVE

IF YOU CONTINUE ACTING LIKE A MOB OF WILD ANIMALS.

LET'S CONTINUE TO ACT LIKE A MOB OF WILD ANIMALS!

Boy: YEAH!

( all laughing )

Boy: YEAH!

WELL, WE DID IT.

WE WON'T BE SEEING THAT GRANOLA BOY SIMMONS

IN THESE PARTS EVER AGAIN.

WE BROKE THAT TEACHER

LIKE HE WAS AN OLD HICKORY STICK.

YEAH, AND TOMORROW WE'LL GET ANOTHER SAP.

Wartz: I THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT SOLUTION

TO THIS CLASS'S DISCIPLINE PROBLEM.

YOUR NEW PERMANENT TEACHER IS... MR. GOOSE.

( all laughing )

WELL, ACTUALLY, I SHOULD SAY... LIEUTENANT MAJOR GOOSE.

( all gasping )

I'LL HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THIS UNIT BY 01000 HOURS.

Goose: YOU WILL ALL ACT AS ONE UNIT

UNLESS I ADDRESS YOU BY NAME.

IS THAT CLEAR?

WHO DEPLOYED THAT PENCIL?

IT WAS A CALCULATED ACT.

SINCE THE FOREIGN OBJECT IS UNDER YOUR DESK

I ASSUME YOU ARE THE ENEMY.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

CURLY.

YOUR HAIR'S NOT CURLY, BOY!

WHAT'S YOUR REAL NAME?

THADDEUS.

CURLY, GO STAND IN THAT CORNER!

YOU'VE EARNED YOURSELF A CORNER, LITTLE LADY.

( snickers )

AND SO HAVE YOU, PALLY!

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!

YOU! THE REMAINING CORNER, NOW!

WHY?

SYMMETRY!

NOW, ANY QUESTIONS?

GOOD.

LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.

Class: EIGHT TIMES THREE IS 24.

EIGHT TIMES FOUR IS 32.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Class: EIGHT TIMES THREE IS 24.

EIGHT TIMES FOUR IS 32.

EIGHT TIMES...

Gerald: THIS GOOSE IS NOT A GOOD MAN!

Phoebe: HE'S SEEMS UTTERLY SADISTIC.

Gerald: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, ARNOLD?

I WISH WE COULD GET MR. SIMMONS BACK.

OH, PLEASE. MR. SIMMONS?

THAT TOUCHY-FEELY GEEK?

HE LISTENED TO US WHEN WE SPOKE.

HE'S INNOVATIVE, RESPONSIVE, AND BRIGHT.

HE TAUGHT US TO ASK "WHY?"

NOW, THAT'S AN INNOVATIVE BRAND OF EDUCATION.

IF ONLY YOU HADN'T BEEN SO MEAN TO HIM!

YOU ATE HIS SANDWICH AND BROKE HIS SPIRIT, YOU MORON.

LISTEN. I'VE GOT A PLAN.

Helga: LISTEN TEACH.

BOTTOM LINE, WE WANT YOU BACK.

I'M AFRAID THAT'S NOT ENOUGH OF A REASON FOR ME, HELGA.

OR, SHOULD I SAY "HAROLD"?

GOOD AFTERNOON.

( sighs )

I WISH WE COULD JUST SHOW MR. SIMMONS

THAT WE CAN LEARN

THAT WE'RE NOT JUST A PACK OF RAVING LUNATICS.

COME, WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

MR. SIMMONS.

PLEASE.

COME ON.

WE'VE GOT PRESENTS.

GIVE US A CHANCE.

Simmons: WELL...

SO, WHY DON'T WE START OFF

WITH A FREE-FORM POEM?

ALL RIGHT.

GERALD?

SID?

( clears throat )

"I'VE SEEN THE BEST MINDS OF MY GENERATION

"SERVED UP FASTBALLS ON THE BLACKTOP.

"SOMEBODY YELLS "CAR"

"AND THEY SCATTER LIKE SO MANY LEAVES

"IN AN OCTOBER WIND.

"THEN THE BELL RINGS

"AND THEY'RE SITTING BACK IN THEIR CLASS

STARING AT A POP QUIZ."

( applause )

THIS IS MY TRUTH CROWN.

AND WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU, MR. SIMMONS

IS YOUR CARING AND GIVING NATURE.

MR. SIMMONS?

I... I MADE YOU SOMETHING.

FOR ME?

IT... IT'S A SANDWICH.

THIS IS VERY TOUCHING.

A REPLACEMENT SANDWICH.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY

IT'S A HAROLD BURMAN SANDWICH

BECAUSE RIGHT BETWEEN THE TURKEY AND THE TOMATO

IS AN INVISIBLE LAYER OF LOVE.

FRIENDS, YOUR PRESENTATIONS HAVE REALLY MOVED ME

AND BECAUSE OF WHO I AM

I WANT TO COME BACK AND BE YOUR TEACHER.

( all cheering )

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU BUNCH OF CHUCKLEHEADS!

WE HAVE ONE VERY BIG OBSTACLE...

LIEUTENANT MAJOR GOOSE.

WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DEPLOY

A STRATEGIC STRIKE OF OUR OWN.

Goose: NOW, YOU FICKLE BUNCH

OF RAG-TAG FOURTH GRADERS!

I'M DETERMINED TO MAKE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE HUMAN BEING.

WHY?

WHY WHAT?

WHY ARE WE RAG-TAG?

YOU'RE UNDISCIPLINED!

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS YELL?

WHY ARE YOUR SHOES SO SHINY?

WHY AREN'T YOU STILL IN THE ARMY?

SIT DOWN!

WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO BE A TEACHER?

ENOUGH QUESTIONS!

WHY DON'T YOU TREAT US

LIKE INDIVIDUALS?

WHY ARE YOUR PANTS IRONED SO NICELY?

WHY DON'T YOU TEACH US ANYTHING?

WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE?

STOP THESE QUESTIONS!

AND WHY ARE YOU STARTING TO SWEAT?

( humming )

WHY CAN'T YOU HANDLE ALL OUR QUESTIONS?

( humming )

WHY CAN'T YOU HANDLE ALL OUR QUESTIONS?

WHY ARE YOU HUMMING THAT PATRIOTIC SONG?

( class laughing )

( humming )

( groans )

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, MR. GOOSE?

IS THIS PART OF THE LESSON?

MAY I BE RELIEVED OF MY DUTIES HERE, SIR?

YOU'RE QUITTING?

SIR, YES, SIR!

( screaming )

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK

FOR ANOTHER TEACHER.

WE'VE FOUND THE RIGHT ONE.

HELLO, CLASS!

( all cheering )

NOW, I KNOW THAT WE HAD THAT SCHEDULED MATH QUIZ

BUT SCHEDULES ARE FOR LIEUTENANT MAJORS.

TODAY, WE'LL HAVE SOME UNSCHEDULED LEARNING.

AND WHAT BETTER WAY THAN TO TAKE A HIKE

AND HAVE AN OUTDOOR PICNIC, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

( all cheering )

( camera shutter clicks )

( camera shutter clicks )

( camera shutter clicks )

( camera shutter clicks )

and NICKELODEON