Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

Arnold: SO...

HOW DID YOU LEARN SO MUCH ABOUT FLYING KITES, GRANDPA?

WELL, WHEN YOU GET AS OLD AS I AM, ARNOLD

YOU EVENTUALLY LEARN TO DO EVERYTHING.

NOW, HOW THE HECK DO WE GET HOME?

I'M LOST AND CONFUSED!

WE CAN GO THIS WAY, GRANDPA.

( gasps ) NO, ARNOLD, I CAN'T GO THAT WAY.

IT'S A SHORTCUT.

NO, NO, I CAN'T.

WHY NOT?

I CAN'T TELL YOU.

IT'S TOO HAUNTING.

OH, COME ON.

WALK FASTER, SHORT MAN.

COME ON, FASTER, FASTER.

GRANDPA, WHAT'S GOING ON?

IT'S JUST A SHORTCUT.

( gasps )

( crowd gasping and clamoring )

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?

( stammering ): CH-CHI-CHINESE CH-CH-CHECKERS.

Woman: IT'S STEELY PHIL!

ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT YOU?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE.

THEY'RE CONFUSED. LET'S GO!

( laughing )

NEXT VICTIM.

ROBBY FISHER.

WELL, AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.

IF IT ISN'T STEELY PHIL.

HMM. I THOUGHT YOU'D PASSED ON YEARS AGO.

IN YOUR FACE, FISHER.

I'M ALIVE AND KICKING.

WELL, I CAN SEE YOU APPEAR TO BE ALIVE.

BUT KICKING? ( snickers )

YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF ENTERING THE TOURNAMENT.

I'M RETIRED, FISHER.

( laughs )

YES, YES, I REMEMBER NOW... STEELY PHIL

I DISPATCHED YOU

MANY, MANY YEARS AGO.

BUT, AH, WELL...

ONE CAN'T LIVE IN THE PAST, CAN ONE?

GOOD DAY... STEELY PHIL.

( laughs )

YES, YES.

I HATE THE WAY THAT GUY TALKS.

STEELY PHIL?

WAS THAT YOUR NICKNAME OR SOMETHING?

YES, A LONG TIME AGO.

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE, ARNOLD?

'CAUSE I FEEL A LONG FLASHBACK COMING ON.

IT WAS ALMOST 40 YEARS AGO...

AT THAT TIME THERE WERE

THREE GREAT CHINESE CHECKERS PLAYERS ON THE CIRCUIT

ROBBY FISHER, BORIS SLASKY

AND A KID BY THE NAME OF STEELY PHIL.

I HAD PRACTICED AND STUDIED THE GAME FOR 30 YEARS

PLAYING ON SIDEWALKS AND IN BACK ALLEYS

SLOWLY HONING MY SKILLS.

FINALLY, I WAS READY FOR THE BIG BOYS:

THE CITY CHINESE CHECKERS MASTERS TOURNAMENT.

ALL THE CHINESE CHECKERS MASTERS WERE THERE:

NIMBLE NED...

BODACIOUS BOB...

BORIS SLASKY...

AND ROBBY FISHER.

I BEAT EVERYONE THEY THREW AT ME.

I COULDN'T LOSE.

FINALLY, IT WAS DOWN TO TWO CONTESTANTS:

ME AND ROBBY FISHER.

WE STARTED SLOW, FEELING EACH OTHER OUT.

I JUMPED ONE OF HIS MARBLES, BUT HE JUMPED ONE OF MINE.

THE BATTLE RAGED ON FOR HOURS.

FINALLY, ONE MOVE SEPARATED US FROM THE CHAMPIONSHIP.

IT WAS THEN I REALIZED I COULDN'T WIN.

HE'D BOXED ME INTO A CORNER!

I MADE THE ONLY MOVE I COULD SEE.

HE JUMPED ME BACK AND WON THE CITY CHAMPIONSHIP.

( cheering and applause )

YOU LOST, GRANDPA?

YES, ARNOLD, I LOST.

MY CONFIDENCE WAS BROKEN.

MY DREAM WAS DASHED.

AND THE NEXT DAY I OFFICIALLY RETIRED FROM CHINESE CHECKERS.

BUT THAT DEFEAT HAUNTED ME FOR 40 YEARS.

I REPLAYED THE GAME OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD

TRYING TO SEE WHAT I DID WRONG.

DID YOU EVER

FIGURE IT OUT?

YES. TURNED OUT I HAD ANOTHER MOVE

ONLY I DIDN'T SEE IT.

I WAS TOO WORRIED ABOUT WINNING.

IF I HAD MOVED MY LAST MARBLE

BACK INSTEAD OF FORWARD

I WOULD HAVE STALEMATED FISHER AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A TIE.

YOU BOTH WOULD HAVE BEEN THE CHAMPIONS.

THAT'S RIGHT, ONLY I DIDN'T SEE THE MOVE.

IT'S BEEN 40 YEARS, AND BECAUSE IT'S BEEN

EATING ME UP INSIDE ALL THIS TIME

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO

TO FINALLY GET MY REVENGE.

COME ON, ARNOLD.

ARE YOU GOING TO ENTER THE TOURNAMENT, GRANDPA?

NO, I'M GOING TO

ENTER YOU IN THE TOURNAMENT!

YOU'LL DEFEAT THAT ARROGANT RAT

AND RECLAIM THE FAMILY HONOR!

WHAT, ME?!

GRANDPA, ROBBY FISHER'S THE CITY CHAMPION.

I CAN'T BEAT HIM.

IT WOULD TAKE A PRO--

SOMEBODY WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.

SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.

OH, I CAN'T COMPETE WITH FISHER.

I'M OUT OF PRACTICE.

PLUS I'M OLD AND I'M FAT.

YOU'RE NOT FAT.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

BUT I'M OLD AND OUT OF PRACTICE.

CHINESE CHECKERS IS A GAME OF MARBLES

AND I ALREADY LOST MOST OF MINE.

LOOK, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.

WE'VE GOT A WEEK LEFT TO PRACTICE.

IT WAS YOUR DREAM TO BE A CHINESE CHECKERS CHAMPION.

IT WAS MY DREAM, ARNOLD.

A LONG TIME AGO.

I COULD HELP YOU TRAIN.

WE COULD WORK HARD EVERY DAY.

YOU CAN BEAT HIM, I KNOW YOU CAN.

I DON'T KNOW, SHORT MAN.

WHAT IF I LOSE?

I'LL BE HUMILIATED AGAIN.

WHAT IF YOU WIN?

Man: NAME?

IT'S YOUR DREAM, GRANDPA.

YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.

NAME?

NAME?

STEELY PHIL.

( grunting )

DON'T WORRY, GRANDPA, WHEN WE'RE DONE

YOU'LL BE IN CHAMPIONSHIP FORM.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO BEAT ROBBY FISHER.

( crash )

( panting )

( panting... )

( cracking )

( Rocky-style music playing... )

( bell clangs )

( dog barking, siren wailing )

( clock chiming... )

( sighs )

HEY, ARNOLD, WAKE UP.

COME ON.

GRANDPA? WHAT IS IT?

IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

I CAN'T DO IT, SHORT MAN.

I CAN'T BEAT HIM.

SURE YOU CAN.

YOU TRAINED ALL WEEK.

YOU'RE READY, GRANDPA.

NO, I'M NOT.

I'M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I COULDN'T BEAT HIM 40 YEARS AGO.

I CAN'T BEAT HIM NOW.

DON'T SAY THAT.

SOME OF YOUR MOVES ARE UNBELIEVABLE.

I KNOW, IT'S UNCANNY.

BUT AS GOOD AS I AM

ROBBY FISHER IS TEN TIMES BETTER.

REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN CONTESTS

AND YOU TOLD ME I COULD WIN?

OH, SURE, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY BELIEVE YOU COULD WIN.

I TOLD YOU THAT ON THE OFF CHANCE

THE OTHER KIDS WOULD BLOW IT.

BUT YOU STILL GAVE ME CONFIDENCE.

THAT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.

IT WAS?

YEAH. NOW I CAN DO THE SAME FOR YOU.

I BELIEVE IN YOU AND I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.

YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT

ON THE OFF CHANCE THE OTHER GUYS WILL BLOW IT?

NO, GRANDPA, I REALLY BELIEVE IN YOU.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

ALL RIGHT, SHORT MAN.

I'LL DO IT.

I'LL BEAT ROBBY FISHER.

BESIDES, IF I LOSE

I CAN ALWAYS CHANGE MY NAME AND LEAVE THE COUNTRY.

UH... RIGHT, GRANDPA.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WISH ME LUCK, SHORT MAN.

YOU WON'T NEED IT, GRANDPA.

( clock ticking slowly... )

LET THE TOURNAMENT BEGIN!

( crowd oohs )

NEXT VICTIM.

( applause )

( applause )

NEXT VICTIM.

( crowd oohs )

NEXT VICTIM.

( applause )

YOU'RE DOING GREAT, GRANDPA.

( rings bell )

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE FINAL ROUND.

THE WINNER OF THIS ROUND WILL BE THE ALL-CITY CHAMPION.

LAST YEAR'S CHAMPION, ROBBY FISHER.

THE CHALLENGER, STEELY PHIL.

Woman: STEELY PHIL!

( applause )

WHAT A DELICIOUS SURPRISE.

IF IT ISN'T MY OLD NEMESIS, STEELY PHIL.

DEALING YOU ANOTHER HUMILIATING DEFEAT

WILL MAKE MY VICTORY IN THIS TOURNAMENT ALL THE SWEETER.

IN YOUR FACE, FISHER.

I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR PATOOT.

CAREFUL, STEELY PHIL.

I DO BELIEVE YOUR FALSE BRAVADO IS SHOWING.

( laughs )

( imitates laugh )

NOW STOP TALKING AND LET'S PLAY CHECKERS.

( crowd gasps )

WELL, I MUST SAY

YOU HAVEN'T COMPLETELY EMBARRASSED YOURSELF.

AW, THE NIGHT IS YOUNG, FISHER.

( crowd oohs )

( chuckles )

WELL, ISN'T THAT JUST PERFECT?

YOU'VE FALLEN INTO THE SAME TRAP I CAUGHT YOU IN 40 YEARS AGO.

THE SAME EXACT PLAY.

NO! IT'S NOT! IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, IT'S...

AW, POOH, IT'S THE SAME, ISN'T IT?

( laughs )

YOU REALIZE, OF COURSE, STEELY PHIL

THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BEAT ME NOW.

THERE'S ONLY ONE MOVE ON THE BOARD YOU CAN MAKE.

COME, COME, STEELY PHIL.

MAKE YOUR LOSING MOVE

SO I CAN ONCE AGAIN TAKE THE TROPHY

AND YOU CAN WALLOW IN HUMILIATION.

WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING, FISHER.

I CAN'T BEAT YOU.

BUT THERE IS ONE OTHER MOVE I CAN MAKE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

( laughs )

IT'S A STALEMATE, FISHER.

WELL, THAT'S, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

HOW DID YOU...

( chuckles )

I DIDN'T SEE THAT MOVE LAST TIME

BUT NOW I'M 40 YEARS OLDER AND 40 YEARS SMARTER.

PLUS I GOT MY GRANDSON BEHIND ME.

SO I GUESS WE'RE BOTH CHAMPION NOW.

BUT I'VE NEVER SHARED A TROPHY WITH ANYONE.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

THE FINAL MATCH IS OFFICIALLY A TIE.

THE NEW CHAMPIONS ARE...

NO, NO, NO!

ROBBY FISHER

AND STEELY PHIL.

( crying ): NO...

( cheering and applause )

YOU DID IT, GRANDPA.

WELL, THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME, SHORT MAN.

SURE THING, STEELY PHIL.

( Grandpa chuckles )

( bell ringing )

( shouting, cheering )

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON YOUR WEEK OFF, HELGA?

NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX, ARNOLDO.

BUT FOR YOUR INFORMATION

I'M GOING TO HAVE A TRULY PERFECT VACATION

TOPPED OFF BY THE GREATEST EVENT OF THE YEAR.

"SLAM JAM FIVE"

A WRESTLING MATCH?

TICKETS HAVE BEEN SOLD OUT FOR MONTHS

BUT I'LL BE THERE.

SOUNDS GREAT, HELGA.

NOW MOVE ALONG, YOU'RE CROWDING ME.

( sighs )

( dog barking )

( munching loudly )

( utensils clinking )

SO, HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY, HELGA?

YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON OVER AT THAT SCHOOL?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT

I FLUNKED A MATH TEST.

GLAD TO HEAR IT.

PASS THE STUFFING, WOULD YOU?

I'VE GOT NEXT WEEK OFF.

HUH?

YOU HAVE A WEEK OFF?

SPRING BREAK.

( belches )

I START MY VACATION THIS WEEK, OLGA.

HELGA.

BEEN WORKING LIKE A DOG.

PASS THE STUFFING.

BOB, YOU'RE TAKING OFF THIS WEEK, TOO?

ALL WEEK, AND I GOT PLANS.

I MADE A LIST, MIRIAM.

THINGS I NEED YOU

TO DO THIS WEEK.

SO... YOU'LL BOTH BE HOME?

I'M GOING TO NEED YOU

TO PICK UP ME UP WIDE, WHITE BELTS

SOME NEW SOCKET WRENCHES...

I'M GOING TO BED, BOB.

GRASS OUT BACK LOOKS SHABBY.

WE SHOULD DUMP MANURE ON IT.

PASS THE STUFFING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU HATE WRESTLING?

WE'RE GOING, PHOEBE.

WE HAVE GOT TO GET TICKETS TO SLAM JAM FIVE!

BUT, HELGA...

I don't care if you have

to wait in line all day!

JUST CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THEM.

AHH! A WEEK'S VACATION AND WRESTLING ON SATURDAY.

NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

I'M GOING AWAY THIS WEEK.

TO VISIT MY MOTHER.

YES. SHE IS NOT WELL.

Both: AND YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HER?

UH-HUH.

BUT, MOM, NO!

IT'LL BE FINE, DEAR.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!

MIRIAM! Y-YOU CAN'T GO.

I AM GOING, BOB.

THERE'S MY CAB.

( honking )

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?

I'LL CALL, SWEETIE.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THE GIRL?

MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE A CHANCE TO BOND WITH HELGA

LIKE YOU HAVE WITH OLGA.

BOND WITH HELGA?

SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER.

( honking )

SOMETHING...

I GOT TO GO.

BYE-BYE.

( thinking ): QUALITY TIME.

YEAH, RIGHT.

NOW I'M STUCK WITH THE GIRL.

HOW IN THE HECK WILL I SURVIVE?

NOW I'M STUCK WITH BIG BOB.

HOW IN THE HECK AM I GOING TO SURVIVE THIS WEEK?

WELL, YOUR MOTHER'S GONE.

I'M GOING OUT.

WHERE YOU GOING?

( door opens )

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE BACK?

BE CAREFUL CROSSING STREETS!

HAH, THAT WAS EASY.

I CAN TAKE A WEEK ALONE WITH HER.

THIS IS GOING TO BE A SNAP.

YOU HAVEN'T SPENT ANY OF YOUR VACATION

WITH YOUR FATHER?

IT'S EVERY PATAKI FOR THEMSELVES THESE DAYS.

HEY, OLGA. HEY... WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

PHOEBE. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MR. PATAKI.

WHERE'S THE MILK

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?!

WHO DRANK IT ALL?

I HAD CEREAL FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT.

WHERE THE HECK IS BIG BOB PATAKI'S DINNER?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RUN A BEEPER EMPIRE

WITHOUT ANY MEAT AND POTATOES IN MY BELLY?

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?

WHO'S GOING TO DO THE FOOD SHOPPING?

NOT ME, THAT'S FOR SURE.

WELL, NOT ME, EITHER, LITTLE LADY.

SO NONE OF THIS STUFF IS COOKED?

MOM DOES THAT PART.

CORN'S ALWAYS GOOD.

I HATE CORN, I DON'T EAT CORN.

CORN AND POTATOES AND LIMA BEANS.

SHOPPING'S EASY.

I DON'T EAT ANY OF THAT STUFF!

DAD, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

PIPE DOWN! YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL!

I'M ALLERGIC TO STRAWBERRIES!

THEY GIVE ME HIVES!

I DON'T EAT THIS JUNK!

PORK RINDS...

SMOKED MACKEREL...

PIG'S FEET! YUCK!

HEY, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME.

YOU'RE A KID, WHAT'S THERE TO KNOW?

Helga: THIS IS REALLY NOT

WORKING OUT, MIRIAM.

WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?

WELL, FOR ONE THING, DAD'S ALREADY TRIED

TO KILL ME WITH STRAWBERRIES.

WHAT KIND OF MORON IS HE?

AND NOT THAT IT'S ANY BIG DEAL

BUT I'M STARVING IN MY OWN HOUSE!

IS THAT YOU, MIRIAM?

YEAH, EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL.

NOTHING I CAN'T HANDLE.

THE KID'S JUST HIGH-STRUNG.

AW, HOLY COW.

HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO SAY IT?

WE'LL DO QUANTITY TIME TOMORROW.

I'LL SPEND THE WHOLE LOUSY DAY WITH THE KID.

NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT, BOB.

( kids shouting, cheering... )

COME ON, PIG BOY, PITCH IT IN.

HEY, HELGA. SAY GOOD-BYE TO

YOUR PLAYMATES AND HOP IN.

DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

COME ON, WE GOT TO SPEND THE WHOLE DAY TOGETHER.

SOME REAL QUANTITY TIME FATHER-DAUGHTER STUFF.

I GOT IT ALL PLANNED OUT.

DAD, I'M BUSY HERE. GO AWAY!

TIME'S A-WASTING!

( quietly ): LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

( growls )

( horns honk, traffic hums )

SO THE CHUMP SAYS HE WANTS A REFUND.

I TELL HIM, GO TO THE REFUND DEPARTMENT.

HE SAYS, "WHERE IS THE REFUND DEPARTMENT?"

I POINT HIM RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

( both laughing )

( bellows ): SAYONARA, SUCKER!

( guffawing )

YOU'RE A RIOT, BIG BOB.

OH, SO WHO'S THE KID?

OH, HER? THAT'S MY OTHER DAUGHTER.

WE'RE BONDING

SPENDING QUANTITY TIME TOGETHER.

Barber: QUANTITY TIME?!

( guffawing )

THAT'S FUNNY!

YEAH.

UH, A LITTLE MORE OFF THE TOP, OKAY, NOLO?

Mr. Pataki: GOT ANY MORE OF THESE, HARRY?

I'M GOING TO NEED LIKE A HALF DOZEN.

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH BIG WHITE BELTS.

REMEMBER THAT.

THANKS FOR SHARING, DAD.

HEY, HARRY!

YOU GOT ANY WHITE SHOES

TO GO WITH THESE?

SOMETHING WITH TASSELS?

( groans ): OH.

QUANTITY TIME, JUST YOU AND ME.

WE'RE RACKING UP THE HOURS.

( growls )

I GOT MY HAIRCUT, GOT THE BELTS.

WHAT'S NEXT ON THE LIST?

SOCKET WRENCHES.

HARDWARE STORE, HERE WE COME!

( tires squealing )

I'M NOT GOING TO THE HARDWARE STORE

AND I'M NOT DOING ANY MORE

OF YOUR INANE ERRANDS WITH YOU.

YOU THINK SPENDING "QUANTITY TIME"

WITH SOMEONE MEANS DOING STUFF YOU WANT TO DO.

JUST PULL OVER AND DROP ME OFF.

OH, AND IF ANYONE ASKS

WE BONDED, AND IT WAS GREAT.

OH, PUT A LID ON IT, HELGA.

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED.

YOU NEED SOME FRESH AIR.

THAT ALWAYS CALMS YOU DOWN.

( horses whinnying )

WANT ANOTHER GO-AROUND?

ARE YOU KIDDING?!

I WANT OFF THIS FLEA-BITTEN PONY

AND OUT OF HERE NOW!

OH, YOU LOVE THIS!

YEAH, WHEN I WAS FIVE.

WELL, HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW? SEVEN, EIGHT?

NINE, DAD.

NINE? WHEN THE HECK DID YOU TURN NINE?

LAST YEAR. DOY!

DAD, TALK TO THE PONY GUY.

I'M SERIOUS.

I WANT OFF, NOW!

YOU CAN'T STOP ONE PONY.

RUINS THE RIDE FOR THE OTHER KIDS.

BESIDES, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

NOBODY KNOWS YOU'RE HERE.

Grandpa: AND JERRY GIRELLI SAYS

"SUBMARINE? I THOUGHT YOU MEANT A REAL SANDWICH!"

THAT'S A GOOD ONE, GRANDPA.

SAY, ISN'T THAT

YOUR CRANKY LITTLE FRIEND FROM SCHOOL?

YOU MEAN, HELGA?

( Helga gasps )

AH!

SO, WHAT? NOW YOU'RE NOT

EVER GOING TO TALK TO ME AGAIN?

HOW I AM EVER GOING TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG?

DON'T PULL A MIRIAM ON ME, YOUNG LADY.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE NOW.

NO MORE BONDING, NO MORE FEEBLE ATTEMPTS

AT SPENDING TIME TOGETHER.

( slowly ): JUST... LEAVE... ME... ALONE.

( slam )

( dialing phone )

DID YOU GET THEM?

I COULDN'T GET TICKETS.

( screams )

WHAT A ROTTEN WEEK!

FIRST MIRIAM BAILS ON ME

'CAUSE SHE CAN'T TAKE IT

THEN MY LAME DAD FORCES ME

TO SPEND THE DAY WITH HIM

SO HE CAN PRETEND WE'RE BONDING.

WHAT A JOKE!

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, HELGA.

AND NOW I CAN'T

EVEN GET TICKETS FOR THE ONE THING

I'M DYING TO SEE!

( dog barking )

( siren wailing in distance )

LOOK AT HER.

SHE LOOKS MISERABLE.

I GOT TO THINK OF SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR HER.

I JUST NEED SOME KIND OF CLUE.

( door creaks )

( whimpering )

( hum of traffic )

WAKE UP.

HUH, WHAT?

GET DRESSED.

WHAT FOR?

I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THE LAST FEW DAYS

AND, WELL, I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

GIVE BIG BOB ONE MORE CHANCE, HUH?

OH, BROTHER.

COME ON, HELGA, PLEASE.

OH, ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE CHANCE!

GOOD. NOW HURRY AND DRESS

OR WE'LL BE LATE.

LATE FOR WHAT?

I BEEN UP ALL MORNING CALLING ALL OVER TOWN.

I MUST'VE CALLED IN 50 FAVORS BUT I GOT THEM

AND THE TWO OF US ARE GOING.

GOING WHERE?

I GOT THE TICKETS YOU WANTED.

YOU GOT TICKETS TO...?

NOT ANOTHER WORD. GET DRESSED

OR WE'LL BE LATE.

( bell rings )

( man grunts )

( crowd roaring )

WELL, HERE WE ARE, HELGA.

THE BIG SHOW YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO SEE.

( thinking ): RATS, "THE MUSICAL OF SINGING RATS."

PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

HAD TO DO A LITTLE RESEARCH.

FOUND THIS MAGAZINE AD YOU CLIPPED.

AND THEN THE OLD NOGGIN STARTED WORKING.

GEE, DAD, THIS...

REALLY IS A SURPRISE.

THANKS.

I ALWAYS COME THROUGH.

GREAT, NOW I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS STUPID MUSICAL

FOR THREE HOURS.

GREAT, NOW I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH

THIS STUPID MUSICAL FOR THREE HOURS.

♪ RATS, WE'RE RATS ♪

♪ WE'RE FURRY AND FORLORN ♪

♪ WE LIVE IN SEWERS, LOVE IN SEWERS ♪

♪ AND OUR HEARTS ARE TORN ♪

♪ WE LAUGH ♪

♪ WE CRY ♪

♪ WE SING IN HARMONY ♪

♪ I LOVE HER... ♪

♪ BUT I LOVE HIM... ♪

( baritone ): ♪ AND DARN IT, HE LOVES ME. ♪

♪ OH, RATS, RATS, RATS ♪

♪ RATS, RATS... ♪

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!

( applause )

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!

( applause )

AND SO TRUE.

( laughing heartily )

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING

I'VE EVER SEEN.

I KNOW, IT'S HORRIBLE!

FINALLY, WE'VE GOT SOMETHING

WE CAN HATE TOGETHER.

( continue laughing )

SHH!

Both: AW, PIPE DOWN, YA WEASELS!

( laughing )

Male: ♪ NIBBLE, NIBBLE, NIBBLE, NIBBLE ♪

♪ UNDERNEATH THE GRIMY STREET ♪

Female joining: ♪ WHAT A DREARY KIBBLE LIFE IS ♪

♪ WHAT A BITTER DISH, DE... FEAT ♪

Female solo: ♪ THE RODENT'S LOT IS PAIN ♪

♪ IMPOTENT AND INANE ♪

♪ THERE'S ONLY ONE THING WORSE THAN... ♪

♪ CATS! ♪

♪ RATS, WE'RE RATS ♪

♪ WE'RE MAUDLIN AND REPRESSED ♪

♪ WE LIVE IN SEWERS, LOVE IN SEWERS ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY WE'RE DEPRESSED ♪

♪ AND, OH, THE PAIN, WE NEED TO SHARE WITH YOU ♪

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

♪ AND IN THREE HOURS YOU'RE GONNA FEEL IT, TOO ♪

and NICKELODEON

♪ OH, RATS! ♪

and NICKELODEON

♪ OH, RATS! ♪

Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]

♪ RATS, RATS, RATS! ♪

Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]