Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

GOOD MORNING, ARNOLD

( romantic music begins )

GOOD MORNING, ARNOLD

( romantic music begins )

MY MUSE, MY INSPIRATION.

MAY THIS DAY BE THE DAY

THAT YOU SEE ME WITH LOVE'S EYES.

AS I SEEST YOU.

OH, FLAXEN-HAIRED ANGEL.

FLAXEN-HAIRED ANGEL?

THAT'S GOOD.

( school bell rings )

HERE, FOOTBALL HEAD.

THANKS.

HEY!

( laughing )

SUCKER!

MAN, SEEMS LIKE HELGA'S ALWAYS

PICKING ON YOU IN PARTICULAR.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I JUST IGNORE HER.

DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK.

AT LEAST I STILL HAVE MY DIGNITY.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, ARNOLD.

AGAIN!

AGAIN I HAD THE PERFECT CHANCE TO BE KIND TO ARNOLD

AND YET I ALWAYS TURN IT INTO A CHILDISH, HUMILIATING PRANK.

WHY DO I ONLY SHOW HIM MY CRUEL SIDE?

WHY NOT REVEAL THE TENDER LOVE I FEEL?

( nasal breathing )

WHAT?

CLASS, SETTLE DOWN.

I'M HANDING BACK LAST WEEK'S CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENTS.

BUT FIRST I WANT TO READ ONE ALOUD.

THIS STUDENT WROTE A POEM.

A LOVE POEM, ACTUALLY.

I CAN'T SAY WHO WROTE IT

BECAUSE IT'S SIGNED "ANONYMOUS."

"EACH MORN I SEE YOU BEND TO DRINK

"FROM LOVE'S OWN CRYSTAL POOL.

"I TREMBLE NEAR YOU, TRY TO THINK

"WILL I FOREVER SAY

"'YOU STINK'?

AM I BOUND BY THIS TRAGIC RULE..."

HEY, PHEBES.

HELLO, HELGA.

AW...

THERE GOES THE LAST OF THE TAPIOCA.

( grumbles )

YOU REALLY WANT THIS, ARNOLD?

WELL, YEAH, IF YOU DON'T WANT IT.

THEN... WHY.. DON'T YOU... HAVE MINE?

WHOOPS! HOW CLUMSY OF YOU.

( all laughing... )

WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

WHY CAN'T I SHOW

MY KINDER, GENTLER SIDE?!

I LOVE HIM, AND YET I JUST DUMPED A DISH OF TAPIOCA ON HIM.

I GOT TO TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT THIS THING.

SO, PHOEBE, GOT A MINUTE?

CERTAINLY, HELGA.

NOT LIKE IT'S ANY BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING, BUT...

I WAS JUST, UH, THINKING...

IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU, HELGA?

CRIMINY! WHAT IS THIS, THE SPANISH INQUISITION?

UM, SORRY, PHOEBE.

ALL RIGHT, JUST HYPOTHETICALLY.

LET'S JUST SAY THAT I'M OBSESSED WITH...

HOPELESSLY FOCUSED ON THIS CERTAIN B-B...

UH, UH, THING.

LET'S CALL IT... ICE CREAM.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT ICE CREAM BEHIND YOU.

TRY TO FORGET ABOUT

ICE CREAM.

AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

THERE'S A LOT OF OTHER ...FOOD GROUPS, HELGA.

SO, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS

I SHOULD JUST TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT ARN... UH...

I MEAN... ICE CREAM.

RIGHT.

THANKS, PHOEBE.

OH, AND PHOEBE?

YES?

THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.

RIGHT. FORGETTING!

( school bell rings )

( kids talking... )

I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

I HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT ICE CREAM.

UH... I MEAN, ARNOLD.

BUT HOW?

( siren wailing... )

( growling )

HE'S EVERYWHERE.

I, I CAN'T STOP SEEING HIM.

I WANT TO FORGET HIM, BUT I CAN'T.

I'VE GOT TO BE RID OF THIS OBSESSION.

I WISH I WAS OUT OF LOVE.

MADAME BLANCHE LOVE POTIONS?

WAIT A MINUTE.

IF MADAME BLANCHE SELLS LOVE POTIONS

THEN MAYBE SHE SELLS OUT-OF-LOVE POTIONS.

MADAME BLANCHE?

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, HONEY?

I... I WANT TO BE OUT OF LOVE.

IS THAT POSSIBLE?

OH, YEAH.

OKAY. DESCRIBE THE PERSON OR THING.

WELL...

HE'S A BOY.

A WEIRD, KIND OF QUIET...

KIND OF STUPID, AMAZING BOY

WITH A BIG HEART AND NO SENSE OF REALITY.

AND A FOOTBALL-SHAPED HEAD.

HERE YOU GO, TOOTS.

DRINK THIS TONIGHT, AFTER YOU SAY THE NAME

OF THE ONE YOU WISH TO LOVE NO MORE.

REALLY? THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO DO?

YEAH, THAT'S ALL...

OH... PAY ME TEN BUCKS, OF COURSE.

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

( laughing giddily )

CUTE KID.

CRAZY AS A LOON.

Helga: MY BOOKS OF ARNOLD-INSPIRED POETRY.

VOLUMES ONE THROUGH 14.

MY ARNOLD SHRINE.

AND FINALLY...

MY LOCKET.

FAREWELL, AND BE DONE WITH YOU

CUR-SED SYMBOLS OF MY MISSPENT YOUTH.

AND NOW... THE MAGICAL POTION WHICH WILL FREE ME

FROM THIS BLASTED LONGING!

WITH THIS POTION

MAY I LOVE ARNOLD NO MORE!

( thunderclap )

ICE CREAM?

NO...!

( snoring )

Helga's Mom: HONEY...

WAKE UP!

OKAY, OKAY, I'M GETTING UP!

CRIMINY.

MAN, WHAT A NIGHT.

I FEEL LIKE I GOT HIT BY A TRUCK.

THE POTION!

I GOT TO SEE IF IT WORKED.

I GOT TO GIVE MYSELF A TEST.

"OH, ORZO-SHAPED PROMETHEUS WANDERING DIM HALLWAYS OF MY..."

WHAT IS THIS CRAP?

I'M OVER IT.

HE'S NO LONGER MY MUSE.

I DON'T LOVE ARNOLD!

( laughing )

( school bell rings )

OH, GO AHEAD, ARNOLD.

HUH?

EACH PERSON IS A UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHO THEY ARE.

ALL RIGHT, CLASS, I'M PICKING UP

TODAY'S CREATIVE WRITING ASSIGNMENT.

( quietly ): I LOOK FORWARD TO YOURS, HELGA.

READING YOUR WRITING ASSIGNMENTS

HAS BEEN THE JOY OF MY TEACHING CAREER.

"MORNING. I PUT ON A PINK DRESS.

"I EAT OATMEAL FOR BREAKFAST.

"THE NEWS IS ON.

"MOM ISN'T LISTENING.

"MY DAD READS THE PAPER.

I GO TO SCHOOL."

NOT MUCH OF A POEM.

OH, WELL.

HELGA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE.

I DIDN'T FEEL A THING.

UH, HELGA?

WHAT?

THIS IS GOING TO SOUND DUMB

BUT I NOTICED THAT YOU DIDN'T TORTURE ME AT ALL TODAY.

AND I JUST... WONDERED IF YOU'RE SICK OR SOMETHING.

NO, I'M OKAY, ARNOLD.

BUT THANKS FOR ASKING.

WELL, SEE YOU TOMORROW.

ARNOLD. SO NORMAL, SO AVERAGE.

AND YET, WHAT A REGULAR GUY.

OH, HI, BERNIE.

( nasal breathing )

( thinking ): WELL, THIS IS OKAY, I GUESS.

I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING.

EXCEPT I'M BORED.

HEY, PHEBES.

HOW ARE THINGS PROCEEDING, HELGA?

I'M OKAY.

NOT HIGH, NOT LOW.

I'M EMPTY OF FEELINGS.

THAT'S IT, PHOEBE-- I'M EMPTY.

SOMETHING'S MISSING.

YOU MEAN... ICE CREAM?

HUH?

YOU KNOW, ICE CREAM.

YOUR OBSESSION.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE I NEED MY OBSESSION, PHOEBE.

I NEED TO FEEL LONGING AND PASSION

AND BE ALL MAD AND MIXED-UP ALL THE TIME.

MAYBE I NEED ARN... ( gasps )

I, I MEAN... ICE CREAM... TO LOVE.

TO HATE.

TO INSPIRE ME!

BUT I'M UNDER A SPELL.

MADAME BLANCHE!

SHE'S GOT TO REVERSE THE SPELL.

IT'S MY ONLY HOPE.

PLEASE, PLEASE, MADAME BLANCHE.

TAKE THIS SPELL OFF ME AND LET ME LOVE AGAIN.

HONEY, RELAX, RELAX.

THAT POTION IS NOTHING BUT GRAPE JUICE, CHAMOMILE

AND A LITTLE GINSENG, FOR FLAVOR.

IT'S JUST A HOMEMADE CONCOCTION.

THERE'S NOTHING KEEPING YOU FROM LOVING ANYBODY.

YOU MEAN, I PAID YOU

TEN BUCKS FOR SOME GRAPE POP?!

AND A LITTLE CHAMOMILE UH-HUH.

THEN I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

IT WAS JUST GRAPE JUICE.

THERE'S NO SPELL.

I GET TO BE IN LOVE WITH ARNOLD AGAIN.

OH, JOY!

OH, RAPTURE! OH!

OH, BLESSED PLACEBO THAT RESTORED MY FAITH IN YOU

ARNOLD, MY LOVE.

( nasal breathing )

( humming... )

ARNOLD!

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING

YOU LITTLE YELLOW-HAIRED SHRIMP.

OH. UH, SORRY, HELGA.

AH... THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

( kids shouting, laughing... )

THAT WAS REALLY GREAT, ARNOLD!

AW, THAT'S EASY!

( kids laughing )

LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT TO KNOCK OFF

A FEW POUNDS, BIG BOY.

HEY, GERALD!

WE'RE RIDING DOWNTOWN

TO PRACTICE FOR THE BIKE-A-THON.

WHAT? A BIKE-A-THON?

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO RIDE IN A 10K SATURDAY

TO RAISE MONEY FOR SOME GOOFY CHARITY.

IT'S FOR WORLD PEACE, HELGA.

I USED TO BELIEVE IN THAT STUFF ONCE.

COME ON, GERALD, IT'LL BE FUN.

I CAN'T, I LEFT MY BIKE AT HOME.

WE CAN WAIT.

IT'S NOT LIKE

WE'RE IN A RUSH.

THAT'S OKAY. BESIDES, UH

I GOT TO GO PAINT MY LIVING ROOM.

WE JUST PAINTED IT TWO WEEKS AGO.

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER COAT THEN.

LOOK, I GOT TO GO.

WHAT'S WITH HIM?

Helga: AW, FORGET HIM.

WE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO

THAN WORRY ABOUT TALL-HAIR BOY.

COME ON, LET'S MAKE TRACKS.

I THOUGHT YOU WENT BIKE RIDING.

I FIGURED I'D GIVE YOU A HAND PAINTING.

WHERE'S THE BRUSHES?

THERE AREN'T ANY BRUSHES.

YOU'RE USING ROLLERS?

LOOK, MAN, THERE'S NO ROLLERS

THERE'S NO BRUSHES

THERE'S NO PAINT.

GERALD, WHAT'S WRONG?

IF I TELL YOU SOMETHING

WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYONE?

YOU CAN TRUST ME.

I MEAN, YOU TELL NO ONE.

YOU GOT THAT? NO ONE.

NOT EUGENE, NOT STINKY, NOT EVEN

YOUR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.

ALL RIGHT, I TELL NO ONE.

NOW WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET?

OKAY...

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.

COME ON, GERALD, QUIT KIDDING.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

THIS IS SERIOUS.

DIDN'T YOUR DAD TEACH YOU?

AW, HE TRIED.

HE WAS ALWAYS OFFERING TO TRY AGAIN.

BUT IT'S NO USE.

WHY NOT?

IT'S A LONG STORY...

WE WERE STILL LIVING

AT OUR APARTMENT ON HILLCREST STREET.

HEY, MR. J.

HI THERE, LITTLE GERALD.

I'D BEEN RIDING FOR A COUPLE WEEKS

WHEN IT HAPPENED.

THERE WAS A BIG HILL AT THE END OF THE STREET.

I JUST COULDN'T LEAVE IT ALONE.

I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE BIKE WAS MOVING.

( screaming )

I FORGOT EVERYTHING I HAD LEARNED.

( screaming... )

( crash )

SO, I JUST NEVER LEARNED.

YOU COULD LEARN IN NO TIME.

NO, I CAN'T. I CAN'T EVEN PRACTICE.

IF ANYONE SEES ME

I'LL BE LAUGHED OUT OF THE FOURTH GRADE.

HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO.

TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL

MEET ME BEHIND THE TIRE WAREHOUSE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THINGS.

NO, ARNOLD, I CAN'T.

COME ON. YOU GOT TO LEARN SOMETIME.

BUT WHAT IF...?

JUST TRUST ME.

NO ONE WILL EVEN HAVE A CLUE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW WHERE IS HE?

HEY, GERALD!

SHH! NOT SO LOUD, MAN!

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET.

DON'T WORRY. LOSE THAT COSTUME.

YOU CAN'T RIDE IN A RAINCOAT.

I REALLY DON'T LIKE THIS.

SH-SHOULD I GET ON?

OH, NO.

THAT'S A MOUNTAIN BIKE.

YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THAT YET.

YOU NEED TO START SMALLER. TRY THIS.

I BORROWED IT FROM THE LITTLE GIRL NEXT DOOR.

ARE YOU CRAZY?!

WHAT IF I'M SEEN RIDING THAT?

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT...

TRAINING WHEELS.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

CAN'T WALK UNTIL YOU LEARN TO CRAWL.

BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE...

LOOK, NO ONE'S GOING TO SEE YOU, ALL RIGHT?

GERALD?

ON A LITTLE PINK GIRLIE BIKE

WITH TRAINING WHEELS!

( laughing )

WAIT TILL EVERYBODY GETS A LOAD OF THIS ONE!

( laughing )

( kids laughing )

AND WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

IT HAD LITTLE TRAINING WHEELS ON IT!

( all laughing )

Stinky: HEY, LOOK!

HERE THEY COME NOW!

( taunting ): HEY, GERALD!

WANT TO BORROW MY BIKE?

( more laughing... )

I GOT TO GET HOME.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

THE WORD'S OUT, BOYS.

GERALD DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

GERALD CAN SO RIDE A BIKE.

IF HE KNOWS HOW TO RIDE

HOW COME HE'S NOT IN THE BIKE-A-THON?

WHO SAYS HE'S NOT GOING TO BE IN IT?

OH, SO HE'S GOING TO RIDE NOW?

YEAH, HE'S GOING TO RIDE.

HE'LL DO A LOT BETTER THAN YOU, HAROLD.

WELL, THEN.

WE'LL SEE YOU ON SATURDAY

LITTLE BABIES.

AND REMEMBER--

NO TRAINING WHEELS!

( Harold laughs )

( others join in )

SORRY, I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY FOUND OUT.

I'M IN TROUBLE.

IF I'M NOT AT THAT BIKE-A-THON

I'LL NEVER LIVE IT DOWN.

DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL BE THERE.

BUT THE BIKE-A-THON'S IN TWO DAYS!

LEAVE IT TO ME.

BY THIS TIME TOMORROW

YOU'LL BE RIDING LIKE A PRO.

THIS IS GREAT!

I-I REALLY GOT IT!

SEE, I TOLD YOU.

NOW, LET'S TRY IT

WITHOUT THE CINDER BLOCKS.

NOW THAT YOU GOT YOUR BALANCE

LET'S WORK ON STEERING.

OKAY, I'M LETTING GO.

( grunting )

OOH!

HUH?

( crashing )

YOU LOOKED GOOD, GERALD.

NOW FOR A LITTLE LESSON IN BRAKING.

( brakes squealing )

( clank )

( metal rattling )

( yells, crashing )

MAN, THAT WAS GREAT.

NOW WE JUST HAVE TO WORK ON YOUR SPEED.

COME ON, FASTER, FASTER!

YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD!

ALL RIGHT, GERALD, YOU'RE DOING GOOD.

I'M REALLY DOING IT!

I'M RIDING LIKE THE WIND.

( horn beeping )

( yelps )

( groans )

THAT WAS GOOD, GERALD.

MAN, WHO YOU KIDDING?

I CAN'T DO THIS.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T.

SURE, YOU CAN.

WE NEED TO SPEND

MORE TIME ON BRAKING.

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

MY FAULT?

WHY'D YOU SAY THAT STUFF TO HAROLD?

COULDN'T YOU LEAVE IT ALONE?

I TOLD HIM YOU COULD RIDE

BECAUSE YOU DO.

SURE, SOMETIMES YOU LOSE CONTROL...

I WAS DOING FINE UNTIL YOU DECIDED TO HELP.

NOW I'LL LOOK LIKE A FOOL AT THE BIKE-A-THON!

I QUIT.

YOU CAN DO THIS, GERALD.

DON'T QUIT NOW.

( siren wailing in distance )

( sighing in sleep )

( laughing )

( evil laughing )

WHOA!

( panting )

( crickets chirping... )

( tires squealing )

( taunting ): HEY, ARNOLD.

WHERE'S YOUR LITTLE BUDDY, GERALD?

OH, HE'LL BE HERE.

FACE IT, ARNOLD.

YOUR WITTLE BABY FWIEND CAN'T WIDE A BIKE!

GERALD CAN RIDE A BIKE.

WHETHER HE SHOWS OR NOT.

I KNOW, I'VE SEEN HIM RIDE.

WELL, HE AIN'T SHOWING UP, SO YOU...

THERE HE IS!

( gasps )

READY TO RIDE... BUBBA?

( feedback on microphone )

At the gun, the Third Annual Cycle

For World Peace 10K will begin.

( long blare )

( crowds cheering... )

( panting )

HEY, GERALD!

GERALD, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

I'M WAITING FOR YOU, MAN.

OH!

AHH, HELP, MOMMY!

( tires squealing )

( crowd cheering... )

and NICKELODEON