Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

Gerald: WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

THE DEADLINE FOR ENTERING THE TOURNAMENT

IS IN ONE HOUR

AND WE HAVEN'T FOUND A COACH.

GOT TO BE SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE

WHO CAN COACH OUR TEAM.

( clattering )

STUPID, INADEQUATE PAIL!

CONSTANTLY GETTING IN MY WAY, INCESSANTLY.

COACH WITTENBERG?

HUH, WHO'S THAT?

IT'S ME, ARNOLD.

FROM YOUR BASKETBALL TEAM AT THE Y.M.A.A.

ARNIE, RIGHT!

SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY

THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL.

BUT AFTER YOU LEFT

COMPLAINTS STARTED COMING IN.

( mimicking ): I WAS TOO HARSH, TOO SEVERE

TOO MEAN, TOO EVERYTHING

EXCEPT ALL THE THINGS OUTSIDE OF THAT

WHICH THEY DESIGNATED ME!

THEN IT HAPPENED.

MY UNIVERSE CAME CRASHING DOWN AT THE SEAMS.

HAVING LOST THE POSITION

TO WHICH I HAD PREVIOUSLY BEHOLDEN

I NEEDED EMOTIONAL RELIEF.

MY WIFE, TISH, TOOK THE NEWS

OF MY RECUMBENT FIRING PRETTY WELL

UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

WHAT? FIRED?!

THAT'S THE FOURTH TIME THIS YEAR!

BUT, TISH...

I'M FATIGUED

AND TIRED OF YOUR LOSING COACHING JOBS.

UNTIL YOU CLEAN UP YOUR ACT AND FLY RIGHT

YOU'RE OUT OF HERE!

( door closing )

THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP HERE.

YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

BUT THIS GUY'S A TERRIBLE COACH.

LOOK, HE NEEDS US AND WE NEED HIM.

OH, MAN.

WE WANT TO ENTER THE BOWLING TOURNAMENT

BUT WE NEED A COACH.

A COACHING JOB?

ARE YOU KIDDING? ME?

BOYS, THE HONORARIUM WOULD BE ALL MINE!

AS YOUR NEW COACH

AND AS THE PERSONAGE

WHO UPON WILL BE TEACHING YOU

THE BASICS OF THE GAME OF BOWLING

THE FIRST AND PRIMARY

ORDER OF BUSINESS IS TO SIZE UP

THE INDIVIDUAL TEAM LEVEL OF YOUR SKILLS.

ALL RIGHT, CRAZY LEGS

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.

WHAT KIND OF MOTION IS THAT?

YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR FINGERS IN THE HOLES!

AND BREAK A NAIL? RIGHT.

DROP AND GIVE ME TEN, MISSY.

( laughs )

NOW!

ALL RIGHT, RED, YOU'RE UP.

( growling )

SORRY, COACH.

DROP AND GIVE ME TEN.

ARNIE, SHOW THEM

HOW TO DO IT.

I GOT ONE!

ALL RIGHT!

( laughing )

YES!

KNOCK IT OFF!

ONE PIN IS NOTHING TO CHEER ABOUT!

ONE PIN IS PATHETIC!

YOU'RE ALL PATHETIC!

DROP AND GIVE ME TEN!

ARNOLD, WE GOT TO TALK.

WE THOUGHT THIS

BOWLING TOURNAMENT WOULD BE FUN.

BUT ALL WE'RE DOING IS GETTING YELLED AT.

AND DOING PUSH-UPS.

AND BREAKING OUR NAILS.

YOU'RE SAYING?

WE WANT TO FIRE COACH WITTENBERG.

WE WANT YOU TO DO IT.

WAIT A SECOND.

LET ME TALK TO HIM.

IF HE LIGHTENS UP

WILL YOU STAY WITH THE TEAM?

OKAY, FINE.

BUT THIS BETTER WORK.

YOU'VE COME TO FIRE ME

HAVEN'T YOU, ARNOLD?

WELL...

I KNEW IT!

IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!

REPETITIVELY!

WHY, WHY, WHY?

WAIT, WE'RE NOT FIRING YOU.

YOU'RE NOT?

NO.

OH, THAT'S DIFFERENT.

WE WANT THE TEAM TO STAY TOGETHER.

YEAH, SURE.

WE CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT A COACH.

WE WONDERED IF YOU COULD EASE UP.

THE KIDS ARE DISCOURAGED.

COULD YOU TRY A NEW APPROACH?

USE PSYCHOLOGY.

HMM. PSYCHO-COLOGY.

HA!

ALL RIGHT, ARNIE,

YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL!

FROM NOW ON, I AM TURNING OVER A NEW LIMB.

( wailing ): OH!

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, RED, CAN'T YOU DO

ANYTHING RIGHT?!

DROP AND GIVE ME...

( groans )

I MEAN, UH... PSYCHO-COLOGY.

UH, OKAY, RED, THE ELEMENTAL THING

SITUATIONALLY SPEAKING IS, UH

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

TELL ME, RED, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

I'M 'SPECIALLY FOND OF STRAINED BEETS.

WELL, YOU'RE A UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL, RED.

ALL RIGHT. FROM NOW ON I WANT YOU

TO FORGET ABOUT BOWLING

AND TRYING TO WIN.

THE ONLY THING I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT IS...

STRAINED BEETS.

TRY THAT, RED.

STRAINED BEETS. STRAINED BEETS.

Kids: YEAH! ALL RIGHT!

YES!

THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT BOWLING.

I JUST HAPPENED

TO NOTICE IN FIFTEEN MAGAZINE

THERE'S AN ARTICLE CONTAINED THEREWITHIN

ON BOWLING.

A LOT OF COOL PEOPLE BOWL.

LOOK-- MOVIE STARS, ROCK STARS.

MUSIC TELEVISION V.J.s.

THEY ALL BOWL.

WOW!

THAT IS COOL!

ABSO-POSITIVELY.

SO BE COOL.

BOWL.

( kids cheering... )

YOU WERE RIGHT, ARNIE.

THIS SENSITIVITY THING REALLY WORKS.

SINCE YOU HAD THAT TALK WITH THE COACH

WE'RE DOING GREAT.

YEAH. IF WE KEEP THIS UP

I THINK WE CAN WIN THE TOURNAMENT ON SATURDAY.

Coach: GUYS, WE MADE IT THIS FAR.

I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT

IRREGARDLESSS OF WHETHER THIS GAME HAS AN OUTCOME

YOU ARE THE FINEST BUNCH OF BOWLERS

THIS INDIVIDUAL HAS EVER HAD THE PREROGATIVE TO SUPERVISE!

NOW, ON THREE! ONE-TWO-THREE!

All: ZEPHYRS ARE GO!

TISH?!

GERALD, I THINK THAT'S HIS WIFE.

WELL, COACH.

ARE YOU AND YOUR TEAM READY TO LEARN

A THING OR TWO ABOUT BOWLING?

FOR, I.E., HOW IT IS WHEREIN

WE WILL ADMINISTRATE TO YOU A WHIPPING.

DON'T YOU WORRY.

I AM ABSOLUTELY

AND INCOMPREHENSIBLY CONFIDENT

IN THE ABILITIES OF THIS SAID TEAM.

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

YOU ZEPHLONS ARE GOING DOWN.

COACH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

KID, GET ME A CREAM SODA, WOULD YOU?

COME ON, YOU GUYS!

YOU'RE FALLING APART.

YOU WANT TO LOSE?

TIME'S RUNNING OUT, JACK.

LOOKS LIKE ONCE AGAIN

YOU'LL HAVE TO RECONCILE TO THE FACT THAT

WINNING IS BEYOND THE PALE OF YOUR CAPABILITIES.

YEAH? WELL, IT AIN'T OVER UNTIL IT'S OVER, TISH.

OH, IT'S OVER, JACK.

IT'S OVER.

HUH!

( screams )

THAT'S IT!

NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.

DROP AND GIVE ME TEN, PORKY!

COME ON! ( blows whistle )

I WANT TO SEE A STRIKE OUT THERE NOW.

NO GUFF ABOUT NAILS!

ANY BACK TALK, YOU DROP AND GIVE ME TEN!

( groans )

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE YELLING AND MAKING US NERVOUS.

IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES-- SO BE IT.

BUT, COACH, WE WERE DOING JUST FINE, UNTIL...

UNTIL WHAT?

LOOK, YOU GET THIS STRAIGHT, ARNIE.

TISH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

NOW YOU GET BACK TO THAT BENCH.

RED, YOU'RE UP!

AND I WANT TO SEE A STRIKE!

IF WE DON'T WIN

THAT'S NOT WORST THING IN THE WORLD.

WE HAVE TO WIN AND WE WILL WIN!

I HAVE TO PROVE I'M A GOOD COACH.

HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY PROVEN THAT?

YOU'VE HELPED US BE MORE CONFIDENT.

BELIEVED IN US

TREATED US AS INDIVIDUALS

AND THUSLY HELPED US REACH A POTENTIALITY

WE NEVER KNEW WE HAD.

YEAH? POTENTIALITY, HUH?

WELL, ARNIE, SOME OF THAT MAKES SENSE, I GUESS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF WE WIN.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS

YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD COACH TO US.

DON'T STOP NOW.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

BEING A GOOD COACH ISN'T ABOUT WINNING.

IT'S SUPPORTING YOUR PLAYERS AS INDIVIDUALS.

TEACHING THEM SKILLS

GIVING THEM CONFIDENCE TO REACH FOR NEW HEIGHTS.

BUT MOST OF ALL, IT'S ABOUT PSYCHO-COLOGY.

EUGENE!

YOU'RE SITTING ON A SIX-SEVEN SPLIT THERE.

PICK UP THE SPARE...

I KNOW, I KNOW, WE WIN THE TOURNAMENT.

FORGET ABOUT MESSING UP.

JUST REMEMBER ONE THING--

( whispers ): STRAINED BEETS.

STRAINED BEETS.

STRAINED BEETS, STRAINED BEETS, STRAINED BEETS.

( thumps )

( Zephyrs cheering )

THREE CHEERS FOR COACH WITTENBERG!

Kids: HIP-HIP, HOORAY!

HIP-HIP, HOORAY!

HIP-HIP, HOORAY!

( kids applauding )

YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST.

Tish: HEY, COACH.

( thunder crashing )

Gerald: GET A LOAD OF THIS:

THE PURDY BOYS DIG UP

A SEVERED HAND IN THE CELLAR!

PRETTY GOOD.

BUT FIRST I'M READING

THE PURDY BOYS TRAPPED IN A MANSION

WITH A BUNCH OF UNDEAD MUMMIES.

THESE BOOKS ARE SICK!

I LOVE THEM.

HEY, LOOK AT THESE, GERALD.

( laughing )

LOOK AT YOU, ARNOLD.

( knocking )

EVENING, BOYS.

THOUGHT I'D BRING YOU SOME MILK AND COOKIES

BEFORE THE POWER GOES OUT AGAIN.

OH, I'D HATE TO HAVE TO SEND YOU BOYS DOWNSTAIRS

TO REPLACE A FUSE ON A DARK, STORMY NIGHT LIKE THIS.

HEY, GRANDPA.

WHOSE GLASSES ARE THESE?

( gasps )

BONIE MARONIE!

THOSE LOOK LIKE THE GLASSES OF FOUR-EYED JACK.

FOUR-EYED JACK?

WHO'S THAT?

YOU NEVER HEARD

OF FOUR-EYED JACK?

WELL...

GIVE ME ONE OF THEM COOKIES

AND I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY.

OOH, THIS HAS GOT SPARKLES ON IT.

MMM... A WEIRD FELLOW

LIVED HERE IN THE BOARDING HOUSE

BEFORE EITHER OF YOU WERE BORN.

EVERYONE CALLED HIM FOUR-EYED JACK

ON ACCOUNT OF THE GLASSES.

COULDN'T SEE BUT THREE FEET IN FRONT OF HIM.

PEOPLE LEFT HIM ALONE IN THE BOARDING HOUSE.

HE KEPT TO HIS ROOM IN THE CELLAR

COOKING REFRIED BEANS.

THE PLACE STANK TO HIGH HEAVEN.

JACK HAD A NOTION TO INVENT A NEW METHOD OF COOKING THEM.

HE WAS ALWAYS EXPERIMENTING

ON BIGGER AND BIGGER BATCHES OF BEANS.

( creaking )

FINALLY, HE WENT TOO FAR.

HIS PRESSURE COOKER EXPLODED

AND NOT A TRACE

OF FOUR-EYED JACK

WAS EVER FOUND THERE AGAIN.

EVER SINCE THEN, ON REALLY STORMY NIGHTS...

( thunder booming )

THE GHOST OF FOUR-EYED JACK

WANDERS THE BOARDING HOUSE

BLIND AS A BAT

LOOKING FOR HIS LOST GLASSES

MOANING AND CRASHING INTO THINGS

SPREADING HIS AWFUL STENCH

AND SCARING THE BA-JIMINY OUT OF PEOPLE!

( bubbling )

FUNNY THESE WOULD TURN UP

ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS.

WAIT ONE MINUTE.

YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED?

WELL, NO, THAT WOULD BE IRRESPONSIBLE.

WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS...

YES, IT IS HAUNTED!

BY THE VENGEFUL, UNHOLY, CRYPT-REEKING GHOST

OF FOUR-EYED JACK!

HERE YOU GO, SHORT MAN.

YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM HIM TONIGHT

I'LL WAGER.

BY MOVING THESE GLASSES

YOU'VE DISTURBED HIS SPIRIT.

I'LL BE HEARING FROM HIM?

AW, JUST PUT THE GLASSES

BACK WHERE YOU FOUND THEM

AND FORGET IT.

MAYBE I WAS MEANT TO FIND THE GLASSES

AND GIVE THEM BACK TO FOUR-EYED JACK.

THEN HE CAN MOVE ON

AND STOP HAUNTING THE HOUSE.

WELL, YOU BOYS BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT.

NOTHING TO DO NOW BUT PRAY FOR MERCY.

( stomach rumbling )

OOH, I'LL BE IN THE COMMODE.

YOUR GRANDMA MADE RASPBERRY COBBLER TONIGHT.

I'D BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE GLASSES, SHORT MAN.

( thunder booms )

( cackling )

( Grandpa's laugh echoing )

I BET THOSE GLASSES BELONG TO SOMEONE IN THE BOARDING HOUSE.

MAYBE OSKAR.

( banging )

YOU HEAR SOMETHING, GERALD?

YEAH, SOMETHING WENT BUMP-- SO WHAT?

IT'S HIM!

HE'S LOOKING FOR HIS GLASSES.

FORGET IT, MAN.

IT'S YOUR IMAGINATION.

THIS OLD HOUSE ALWAYS MAKES NOISES AT NIGHT.

COME ON!

OKAY, LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE A GHOST HUNT.

I THOUGHT I'D SLEEP OVER

READ COMIC BOOKS, LISTEN TO SOME C.D.s

BUT NO.

( creaking )

( whispering ): LISTEN TO THAT.

IT'S THE GHOST!

IT'S THE BOTTOM STEP OF YOUR STAIRS, ARNOLD.

IT ALWAYS SQUEAKS WHEN YOU STEP ON IT.

GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.

YOU'RE COMING UNGLUED!

( creaking )

IT'S LOUDER THAN EVER.

HE'S REAL CLOSE.

( rattling )

( crashing )

Suzie: YOU WERE AT THE RACETRACK!

I WASN'T AT THE RACETRACK.

I WAS LOOKING FOR A JOB

IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD.

( Suzie arguing )

HI, MR. KOKOSHKA.

OH, HELLO, ARNOLD, AND... ARNOLD'S FRIEND.

GERALD.

HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE

ANY FOUR-EYED JACK TO ME, ARNOLD.

HE LOOKS LIKE OSKAR.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ARNOLD THINKS THERE'S A GHOST

HAUNTING THE BOARDING HOUSE.

A GHOST? IN THE BOARDING HOUSE?

POOH, I DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS.

I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT SUPERSTITIOUS.

Suzie: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU KEEP A HORSESHOE IN YOUR PANTS.

DON'T MOCK MY FAMILY'S TRADITIONS!

( laughing )

HAVE YOU BEEN HEARING ANYTHING UNUSUAL...

ANY WEIRD NOISES?

NOISES, WHAT KIND OF NOISES?

( gurgling growl )

( metal grating )

HOLD ON, DON'T LEAVE ME

IN THE DARK ALONE!

YEAH.

HI, ERNIE.

WE WERE JUST WONDERING WHAT YOU WERE DOING IN THERE.

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

OH, SORRY.

WE THOUGHT THE...

SEE, ARNOLD?

THERE IS NO GHOST.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS.

GHOST? DID YOU SAY GHOST?

HEY, NOT SO FAST, KID.

LISTEN, ARNOLD

YOU DON'T WANT TO DISTURB

THE SPIRITS ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH THE... UNKNOWN.

I MESSED WITH THE UNKNOWN ONE TIME.

WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING.

BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN HORRIBLE.

I COULD HAVE BEEN STRUCK DEAD OR SOMETHING.

WHO KNOWS?

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE UNKNOWN.

LISTEN, IF I WAS YOU BOYS

I'D TURN BACK RIGHT NOW.

TURN BACK FROM WHAT?

WELL... UM, UH...

I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD TELL YOU THIS.

TELL US WHAT? GO AHEAD.

WELL, THE LAST COUPLE OF NIGHTS

I BEEN HEARING SOME FUNNY SOUNDS FROM DOWN THERE.

LIKE SOMEONE GAGGING ON A HOAGIE.

IT WAS HORRIBLE.

SEE, GERALD, I TOLD YOU!

IT'S FOUR-EYED JACK.

OH, GREAT.

NOW EVERYTHING SOUNDS

LIKE FOUR-EYED JACK.

( burbling )

THAT'S THE SOUND.

IT'S HIM-- FOUR-EYED JACK! COME ON.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT THE OLD EQUALIZER HERE.

( loud bubbling )

I'LL GO FIRST.

THIS COULD GET UGLY.

( liquid splashing )

( strangled gurgling )

( gasping )

( watery growling )

( thunder rumbles )

( spitting )

HELLO, YES?

I TOLD YOU THIS COULD GET UGLY.

MR. HYUNH?

ARE YOU OKAY?

OF COURSE, I AM OKAY.

I WAS JUST GARGLING.

GARGLING!

HE WAS GARGLING, ARNOLD, OKAY?

HE'S NOT THE GHOST OF FOUR-EYED JACK, ALL RIGHT?

SORRY, MR. HYUNH.

I GUESS I GOT CARRIED AWAY.

SEE, WE'RE SORT OF LOOKING FOR A GHOST.

OH, I DON'T LIKE GHOSTS! VERY CREEPY!

ARE YOU SAYING THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BOARDING HOUSE, ARNOLD?

WELL...

( thunder crashing )

( wind howling )

WHEN THERE IS A GHOST IN THE HOUSE

YOU NEED TO GIVE HIM AN OFFERING

TO MAKE HIM GO AWAY.

THIS CHICKEN LOOK GOOD.

HEY, THAT'S MY LUNCH.

GIVE HIM THE HALIBUT.

IT'S GOING BAD ANYWAY.

YOU GUYS ARE ALL CRAZY.

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ANY OF THIS.

( thunder crashing )

( moaning )

( creaking )

( moaning )

( moaning stops )

( moaning resumes, squeaking )

Oskar: LET'S CATCH HIM

AND SELL HIM TO THE CIRCUS.

WE CAN MAKE MONEY.

NO, IT'S BAD LUCK TO HURT A GHOST.

( loud moaning )

MAN, YOU WEREN'T EXAGGERATING ABOUT ONE THING, ARNOLD.

SOMETHING SURE STINKS AROUND HERE.

YEAH.

( loud moaning )

Oskar: WHOA.

HELLO?!

WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

SMELL MAKE ME SICK.

( soft moaning )

( all talking at once )

( moaning )

Gerald: HEY, WAIT.

MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T.

WHY NOT?

MAN, IF YOU OPEN THAT

AND WE FIND OUT WHAT'S BEHIND IT

ONE OF US WILL BE RIGHT.

SO?

SO...

ONE OF US WILL BE WRONG.

AND WHAT IF IT'S ME?

( knob rattling )

( glass shattering )

( all screaming )

( thunder booming )

NEVER EAT RASPBERRIES, BOYS.

GRANDPA? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

CAN'T A FELLOW USE

THE DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM IN PEACE?

I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD THIS BATHROOM.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SECRET PASSAGEWAY.

IT IS.

YOU THINK I WANT EVERYONE

FINDING OUT ABOUT MY EXTRA BATHROOM?

I'D NEVER GET MY READING DONE.

( men grumbling )

OH, GREAT.

NOW THE SECRET'S OUT.

Ernie: HEY, IT'S EVEN GOT A SHOWER.

AND MARBLE SINKS.

THE OLD GUY'S BEEN HOLDING OUT ON US.

THIS MAGAZINE RACK

MUST BE PURE WALNUT.

NICE WALL'S PAPER. BUNNY RABBIT.

THERE, ARE YOU SATISFIED, ARNOLD?

( toilet flushes )

THERE IS NO GHOST!

THE KID'S RIGHT.

NO GHOST. LET'S GO.

Grandpa: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, LET'S GO.

YOU NEVER SAW THIS.

GOOD NIGHT.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE

WE SPENT HALF THE NIGHT LOOKING FOR SOME DUMB GHOST.

LET'S GET SOME SLEEP.

( moaning )

( siren wailing )

( whooshing )

( whooshing )

UM... BOO!

( whooshing )

( screaming )

( dog barking )

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]