Original subtitles

Helga: ARNOLD!

( barking )

HEY, ARNOLD!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: HEY, ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

ARNOLD!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

AR-NOLD!

MOVE IT, FOOTBALL HEAD!

Kids: HEY, ARNOLD!

( school bell ringing )

Arnold: WELL, HERE WE GO AGAIN.

ANOTHER DAY WITH HELGA THE HORRIBLE.

CHEER UP, ARNOLD.

IT'S HELGA'S LAST DAY AS HALL MONITOR.

HOW BAD COULD IT BE?

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, STEP IT UP!

KEEP MOVING, KEEP MOVING, THAT'S RIGHT.

NO BLOCKING THE HALLS.

THAT'S ENOUGH, SON.

SAVE SOME FOR THE FISHES.

( chuckling )

WHAT'S THIS?

LOITERING IN THE HALLS?

HOLDING UP TRAFFIC?

DEFACING SCHOOL PROPERTY?

NO, I WAS JUST TYING MY SHOE.

MOVE IT OR LOSE IT.

AH! I LOVE BEING HALL MONITOR.

MAN, I DO NOT CARE WHO THE NEXT HALL MONITOR IS

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT HELGA G. PATAKI.

YOU SAID IT, GERALD.

( bell ringing )

UH, LET'S ALL THANK HELGA PATAKI

FOR HER MONTH OF SERVICE TO P.S. 118

AS HALL MONITOR.

SHE CERTAINLY HAS BEEN DEDICATED.

WE HAVE NEVER HAD

A HALL MONITOR WHO MADE SURE

NO ONE STEPPED ON THE CRACKS IN THE TILE.

THANK YOU, HELGA.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

AS IS OUR TRADITION HERE AT P.S. 118.

THE RETIRING HALL MONITOR GETS TO SELECT THE NEXT OFFICER.

HELGA, HAVE YOU CHOSEN YOUR REPLACEMENT?

WELL, ACTUALLY, MR. PRINCIPAL WARTZ

I WAS THINKING OF VOLUNTEERING

FOR A SECOND TERM.

( everyone groaning )

( snarling )

YOUR DEDICATION IS TO BE COMMENDED.

BUT EVERY PUBLIC SERVANT

MUST TURN IN THE REVERED BADGE AND MOVE ON.

( sighs )

OKAY, FINE.

I PICK...

Kids: ME! ME!

OH, PLEASE! COME ON!

Helga: PHOEBE.

PHOEBE?

PHOEBE?

ME?

( playing a cheery march )

CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR NEW HALL MONITOR

PHOEBE HIERDAHL.

( all cheering )

WELL, HELGA...

UH, HELGA

DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY.

I APPRECIATE YOUR VOTE OF CONFIDENCE.

IT'S JUST THAT

I DON'T THINK I'LL MAKE A VERY GOOD HALL MONITOR.

YOU'RE NERVOUS.

IT'S NOTHING, JUST DO LIKE I DO.

BUT THAT'S JUST IT.

I'M NOT LIKE YOU, HELGA.

LOOK, PHOEBE, HALL MONITOR

IS THE GREATEST JOB THERE IS.

I MEAN, THE PERKS ARE INCREDIBLE.

FREE HALL PASSES

EXTRA TRIPS TO THE WATER FOUNTAIN

AND YOU GET TO BOSS OTHER KIDS AROUND.

I COULDN'T LET IT GO

TO JUST ANYONE. I PICKED YOU BECAUSE

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

REALLY?

REALLY.

WELL, THANKS, HELGA.

I'LL DO MY BEST TO UPHOLD

THE TITLE OF HALL MONITOR.

NEVER MIND THAT.

MAKE SURE I GET MY LUNCH LINE PRIVILEGES.

( yelling )

OKAY, PHOEBE, YOU'RE ON.

GET OUT THERE AND ROUND THEM UP.

( meekly ): EXCUSE ME.

UM...

UM, SIR?

UH, PARDON ME, BUT...

( screaming )

PHOEBE!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

PHOEBE, SAY SOMETHING.

I QUIT.

LOOK, I ADMIT WHEN I FIRST ASKED YOU

TO BE HALL MONITOR

I HAD MY OWN INTERESTS AT HEART.

BUT NOW IT'S DIFFERENT.

NOW IT'S A CHALLENGE.

WE CAN MAKE A HALL MONITOR OUT OF YOU YET.

HELGA, I APPRECIATE YOUR TRYING, I REALLY DO.

BUT LET'S FACE IT.

THE SITUATION IS INSURMOUNTABLE.

IT'S HOPELESS.

WAIT, PHOEBE!

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE YOU ARE A BIT TOO SOFT-SPOKEN

A LITTLE BIT TOO INTELLECTUAL TO BE A HALL MONITOR.

BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU CAN'T QUIT.

I DON'T GET IT.

DO YOU WANT TO BE THE TYPE

WHO LETS PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU?

OW! SORRY. NO, BUT...

WHO GETS TALKED OVER

AND STEPPED ON AND PUSHED DOWN?

OW! WATCH THAT ELBOW!

WHOA, 'SCUSE ME. OW!

NO, HELGA, BUT...

PLEASE MOVE.

THIS WON'T GO AWAY.

SURE, YOU CAN QUIT THIS, BUT WHAT HAPPENS

ON YOUR NEXT JOB?

WILL YOU LET A PROBLEM LIKE THIS

KEEP YOU FROM BEING PRESIDENT?

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

PHOEBE, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

WOW. A FIRST-GRADER STEPPED ON MY GLASSES.

AND I WAS STILL WEARING THEM.

( sighing )

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, HELGA?

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN A FOLLOWER.

I'VE LET PEOPLE PUSH ME AROUND, CUT IN LINE

BORROW MY PENCILS AND NEVER RETURN THEM.

WELL, NOT ANYMORE.

OUT WITH THE OLD PHOEBE, IN WITH THE NEW.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

I'LL HAVE YOU ACTING JUST LIKE ME IN NO TIME.

OW.

Helga: OKAY.

I'LL RUN DOWN THIS HALL

AND YOU'LL TELL ME TO STOP.

OKAY.

WHEE! I'M RUNNING!

I'M BREAKING THE RULES!

I'M DELIBERATELY FLAUNTING AUTHORITY!

WHEE!

EXCUSE ME...

CAN'T HEAR YOU.

EXCUSE ME? YOO-HOO?

STOP RUNNING.

UH-UH, THAT'S NOT GOING TO STOP ME.

GO AHEAD, GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT!

OH, BROTHER.

THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE EASY.

NOW LET'S SAY SOMEONE'S TAKING A DRINK OF WATER

AND I TAKE CUTS-- WHAT DO YOU DO?

UH, NO CUTS, NO BUTS, NO COCONUTS?

NO. LIKE THIS.

( blows whistle loudly )

OH...

YO! HALT!

NOT BAD.

PHOEBE, YOU'RE GOING

TO DO JUST FINE.

AHEM.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.

LET'S ALL WALK NICELY ON OUR WAY TO CLASS.

EXCUSE ME, SID

NO SHOVING, PLEASE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME, I SAID NO SHOVING.

OH, YEAH? WELL, I SAID--

UH, YOU'RE THE BOSS.

OH, HI, PHOEBE.

HOW'S IT GOING?

DID YOU SEE THAT?

NO. WHAT HAPPENED?

I JUST MADE A KID LISTEN TO ME.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, HELGA.

MAYBE I CAN DO THIS.

SURE, YOU CAN, IT'S ALL IN THE ATTITUDE.

( blows whistle )

THAT'S ENOUGH, SON.

SAVE SOME FOR THE FISHES.

( bell ringing )

Gerald: MAN, OH, MAN, ARNOLD.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID HALL MONITORS

COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE THAN HELGA.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, BEFORE...

FIELD MARSHAL PHOEBE.

YO, HALT!

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FAST

YOU WERE GOING, SON?

I'M SORRY. I HAVE TO GET TO A PRE-ALGEBRA TEST

AND I JUST THOUGHT THAT...

YOU JUST THOUGHT, EH?

DID YOU EVER JUST THINK ABOUT THE SAFETY

OF THE OTHER STUDENTS?

WHAT IF THE LUNCH LADY WAS WALKING BY

WITH A TRAY OF MEAT HASH SURPRISE?

WELL, I GUESS I DIDN'T CONSIDER THAT.

TELL YOU WHAT, SON.

TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED TO THINK IT OVER

IN DETENTION!

WAY TO GO, PHOEBS.

( both cackling )

I LOVE BEING HALL MONITOR.

STAY TO THE RIGHT, YOUNG LADY.

MAN, SHE USED TO BE SUCH A NICE, QUIET GIRL.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT MONSTER TRUCK SHOW?

WISH WE COULD GO.

CAN'T. I'VE GOT DETENTION.

I KNOW; ME, TOO.

LOOK AT THESE.

ONE FOR WALKING TOO FAST, ONE FOR WALKING TOO SLOW

ONE FOR TURNING A CORNER TOO SHARPLY

ONE FOR TURNING TOO WIDE

ONE FOR SQUEAKY SHOES, ONE FOR SUSPICIOUSLY QUIET SHOES

AND THESE ARE JUST FROM THIS MORNING.

WHAT'S THIS?

ONE FOR LITTERING.

HEY, NO CUTTING.

EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE.

I'VE GOT MY EYE ON THAT LAST TAPIOCA PUDDING.

PATAKI, NO CUTTING.

GOOD ONE, PHOEBE.

THAT RULE IS FOR LITTLE PEOPLE.

REMEMBER, I'M ABOVE THE LAW.

NO ONE'S ABOVE THE LAW, HELGA.

PHOEBE, DID YOU FORGET WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO HERE?

IT'S ME, HELGA.

I PUT YOU ON THE MAP, REMEMBER?

CUTTING IS AGAINST THE RULES.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE YOU UP

FOR DETENTION.

PHOEBE, GET REAL!

HELGA DOESN'T DO DETENTION.

I'VE GOT TICKETS TO THE MONSTER TRUCK SHOW.

I WAS GOING TO TAKE YOU.

NO, YOU GET REAL.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME

NOT TO LET ANYONE PUSH ME AROUND.

I'M NOT LETTING ANYONE PUSH ME AROUND.

AND THAT INCLUDES YOU.

AND ONE MORE THING:

I DESPISE MONSTER TRUCK SHOWS!

SEE YOU IN DETENTION.

WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET ANYONE PUSH YOU AROUND

I DIDN'T MEAN ME.

PHOEBE?

PHOEBE!

YOU KNOW, PHOEBE, I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU.

GUESS I'M NOT THAT LITTLE MOUSE

WHO LETS EVERYONE PUSH HER AROUND ANYMORE, AM I?

YOU MISSED A SPOT.

NO, YOU'RE SOMETHING WORSE.

YOU'RE A POWER-HUNGRY, HALL-MONITORING BULLY!

( all gasping )

YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT'S BAD.

YOU'VE SCREAMED AT KIDS IN THE HALLS

YOU'VE RATIONED WATER AT THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN

YOU'VE GIVEN OUT MORE TICKETS THAN A LOTTERY.

I MEAN, LOOK AROUND.

HALF OF OUR CLASS IS HERE IN DETENTION.

I'M ACTING LIKE YOU.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME TO BE THIS WAY.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE SO GOOD AT IT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD PHOEBE?

( kids murmuring )

Boy: YEAH, I HEARD SHE USED TO BE...

THE OLD PHOEBE WHO LET KIDS PUSH HER AROUND?

FORGET IT, SHE'S GONE.

AND NO ONE MISSES HER.

I DO.

YOU DO?

WELL, SURE.

THE OLD PHOEBE WHO WAS MY BEST FRIEND?

THE OLD PHOEBE WHO HELPED ME WITH MY HOMEWORK?

WHAT ABOUT THE OLD PHOEBE WHO LET US USE HER PENCIL?

THE OLD PHOEBE WHO ATE THE CRUST OFF MY SANDWICHES

AND GAVE ME THE MIDDLE?

WE WANT THE OLD PHOEBE BACK.

Kids: YEAH!

HAVE I REALLY GOTTEN THAT BAD LATELY?

TAKE A LOOK HERE.

LOOK INTO THAT REFLECTION.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

( screaming )

HEY, IT'S NOT THAT SCARY.

YES, IT IS.

I'VE LOST THE OLD PHOEBE.

I DON'T WANT TO BE

THIS HORRIBLE, BOSSY, SCARY, SELFISH

EMOTIONALLY CHALLENGED PERSON

WHO HAS TO ORDER PEOPLE AROUND JUST TO GET RESPECT.

WHO'D WANT THAT?

I'M GOING BACK TO THE OLD PHOEBE.

( cheering )

I DON'T NEED THIS BADGE TO GET RESPECT.

OR THIS WHISTLE, OR THIS BOOK OF TICKETS.

I CAN GET EVERYONE'S RESPECT AND ATTENTION

JUST BY BEING MYSELF.

RIGHT, EVERYONE?

EVERYONE?

RIGHT, PHOEBE. I'M PROUD OF YOU

FOR BEING STRONG ENOUGH TO BE YOURSELF.

LET'S GO GET A SODA.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

YO, HALT!

PHOEBE?

COMING, HELGA.

HEY, HAROLD.

DO YOU WANT

TO PLAY STICKBALL?

AH... I GOT TO GO DO MY LESSONS.

BUT... WELL, OKAY.

GIVE ME THAT BALL.

( thudding )

HEY! I WASN'T READY.

IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE, CHAIM?

OH, UH, HI, RABBI GOLDBERG.

NO, I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH SOME OF MY FRIENDS.

WELL, IT'S TIME WE WENT INSIDE.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF CRIMINEY IS THIS?

WHAT'S HAROLD DOING?

LEARNING CHINESE?

NOT CHINESE, GERALD.

IT'S HEBREW.

WHAT DOES IT SAY IN HEBREW?

IT SAYS "BAR MITZVAH," OKAY?

BAR WHAT'S-VAH?

BAR MITZVAH, AND MINE'S THIS SATURDAY.

GOT TO GO.

( slams door )

Harold: BARCHU ET ADONAI HAMVORACH.

BARUCH ATAH ADONAI...

BLESSED ARE THOU, O LORD...

PELECH...

MELECH...

HAVE YOU PRACTICED YOUR TORAH?

NONSTOP, RABBI, NONSTOP.

CHAIM...

MUST YOU CALL ME THAT?

I'M HAROLD!

CHAIM IS A WONDERFUL HEBREW NAME.

IT MEANS "LIFE."

HERE IS THE TORAH YOU'LL READ FROM.

CAN'T I JUST USE MY BOOKLET?

READING A PORTION FROM THE TORAH AND DOING YOUR HAFTORAH

IS PART OF WHAT BECOMING

A BAR MITZVAH, A MAN OF DUTY, OF RESPONSIBILITY, IS.

I'LL READ FROM THE TORAH, SAY THE BLESSINGS

KNOCK BACK SOME GRAPE JUICE...

YOU'LL USE YOUR OWN KIDDISH CUP

AND BLESS AND CUT THE CHALLAH.

AND THEN I'LL GET MY PRESENTS, RIGHT?

JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME

HOW MANY PRESENTS AM I ALLOWED TO GET?

HALZA HINE, HOLD YOUR HORSES.

PEOPLE WILL GIVE YOU PRESENTS, FOR SURE.

BUT A BAR MITZVAH IS NOT ALL ABOUT PRESENTS.

IT'S MUCH MORE.

A 13-YEAR-OLD IS SEEN AS A MAN

IN THE EYES OF THE JEWISH PEOPLE.

AND BEING A MAN

MEANS MANY DIFFERENT THINGS.

IN ANCIENT TIMES, IT MEANT

YOU COULD BE THE HEAD OF A HOUSEHOLD, WORK AS A MAN

AND MAKE DECISIONS FOR THE WHOLE COMMUNITY.

I'M GLAD I DON'T LIVE IN ANCIENT TIMES.

GOT ANYTHING TO WASH THIS CHALLAH DOWN WITH?

DON'T FILL UP ON THE BREAD.

THE LARGER MESSAGE OF THE BAR MITZVAH FOR YOU

IS THAT YOU ARE NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS.

YOU MUST TRY TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT.

AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS SO EASY.

BE A MENSCH, A GOOD PERSON.

AND DO MITZVOT, GOOD DEEDS.

THAT'S WHAT GROWING UP IS ABOUT.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE THREE THINGS

WE DISCUSSED LAST TIME?

RIGHTEOUSNESS, CHARITY AND PRAYER?

DO THE RIGHT THING, HELP OTHERS, AND PRAY.

GOTCHA, RABBI.

AND PRACTICE, HAROLD.

HAROLD! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

I MUST TELL YOU, I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

WILL YOU BE READY FOR THIS SATURDAY?

IT MAY NOT BE A BREEZE.

THIS SHABBOS, YOU'LL STAND UP

AND BE COUNTED AS A MAN.

( gulps )

LISTEN, YOU'RE ALL INVITED

TO MY BAR MITZVAH.

YOU BETTER BE THERE.

AND, YOU BETTER GET ME SOMETHING GOOD.

NOTHING CHEAP, NOTHING GIRLY.

ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT YOUR BAR MITZVAH, HAROLD?

ME, NERVOUS?

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?

Rabbi: I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU, HAROLD.

STAND UP AND BE COUNTED.

IN ANCIENT TIMES, YOU HAD TO WORK LIKE A MAN.

YOU'RE 13 NOW, HAROLD.

YOU MUST DO THE WORK OF A MAN.

GET WATER FROM THIS WELL AND GIVE IT TO THESE CAMELS.

THEY'RE THIRSTY.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A MAN.

I JUST WANT A PARTY, HAVE FUN

AND GET LOTS OF PRESENTS.

A BAR MITZVAH IS MUCH MORE THAN A PARTY, HAROLD.

IT'S A SPECIAL CEREMONY AT THE SYNAGOGUE.

YOU READ IN ANCIENT HEBREW FROM THE TORAH

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

AND YOU WEAR A YARMULKE

AND A TALLIS, A PRAYER SHAWL.

YOU HAVE TO SING IN FRONT OF ALL OF US.

THAT'D MAKE ME NERVOUS.

IT'S NOT JUST FUN AND GAMES ANYMORE.

STAND UP AND BE COUNTED AS A MAN.

AND GIVE MY CAMEL SOME WATER, PINK BOY.

MINE TOO, MISTER MAN.

COME ON, HAROLD, BE RESPONSIBLE.

( all chanting ): BE A MAN.

BE A MAN, BE A MAN.

( crashing )

AAH!

Mom: AH, THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL SUIT.

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE

MY HAROLD IS ALL GROWN UP.

HERE, SON, I GOT YOU A BRAND NEW YARMULKE.

( sniffs )

MAYBE YOU SHOULD REVIEW

YOUR HAFTORAH, HAROLD.

I KNOW YOU'LL MAKE US PROUD.

AND TRY TO KEEP YOUR SHIRT TUCKED IN, SON.

Rabbi: THIS IS YOUR BIG DAY.

YOU'LL BE LOOKED UPON AS A MAN.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY, YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.

IT'S YOUR BIG DAY, HUH?

I'M GOING TO THE SYNAGOGUE RIGHT NOW TO GET A GOOD SEAT.

I'M NOT GOING TO ANY SYNAGOGUE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M RUNNING AWAY TO ELK ISLAND.

RUNNING AWAY?

BUT IT'S YOUR BIG BAR MITZVAH TODAY!

DON'T REMIND ME.

I'M RUNNING AWAY AND THAT'S IT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A MAN.

I'M NOT READY.

BUT HAROLD...

I'M GOING TO THE DOCKS.

I'M GOING TO RENT A CANOE AND ROW TO ELK ISLAND.

I DON'T HAVE TO BE RIGHTEOUS

OR GIVE CHARITY, OR PRAY OR NOTHING LIKE THAT.

HAROLD, WAIT! I KNOW.

WE'LL WALK AROUND FOR A WHILE... AND TALK.

THEN WE'LL GO TO THE SYNAGOGUE.

NO, I'M NOT GOING THERE.

Woman: DANNY!

DANNY BOY.

DANNY!

YOUNG MAN, PLEASE HELP ME.

I JUST LOST MY LITTLE BOY DANNY.

HE WAS JUST HERE A MOMENT AGO.

DANNY.

LOOK, LADY.

I'M SORRY ABOUT DANNY.

BUT I HAVE TO CATCH THE NEXT BUS

GET TO THE DOCKS, AND RENT A CANOE.

OH, DANNY, DANNY BOY.

WEREN'T YOU EVER SEPARATED FROM YOUR MOTHER?

( child wailing )

MOMMY!

DO YOU KNOW WHERE MY MOMMY IS, MISTER?

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR MOMMY, AND I'M NOT A "MISTER."

I'M A KID, TOO.

WHAT'S YOUR MOM LOOK LIKE?

TALL... ( hiccups )

...AND HAS...

( sobs ): HAIR!

( wailing )

MAYBE I SHOULD GET HIM TOGETHER

WITH THAT LADY WHO WAS YELLING.

THEY CAN SCREAM AND CRY TOGETHER.

( sobbing )

HEY, LADY.

DANNY!

MOMMY!

SAFE, YOU'RE SAFE.

OH, THANK YOU.

( motor roaring )

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT DUMB KID AND THAT OLD LADY

I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED MY BUS.

THAT WAS A PRETTY NICE THING YOU DID, HAROLD.

Harold: YEAH, YEAH.

AND NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT BUS.

AH, MIGHT AS WELL GET A MISTER FUDGIE IN THE MEANTIME.

Rabbi: FRIENDS, FRIENDS, HAVE FAITH.

I'M SURE THERE'S A RATIONAL REASON

WHY HAROLD'S NOT HERE YET.

I BET HE'S...

DILIGENTLY PRACTICING

EVEN AS WE SPEAK.

HEY, THANKS.

THANKS A LOT.

Kid: IT'S MINE.

IT'S MINE.

I HAD IT FIRST.

YOU GIVE IT BACK.

NO, IT'S MINE.

WHY DON'T YOU DIVIDE IT IN HALF?

YOU'LL BOTH HAVE SOME.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

IT'S MY ICE CREAM.

DON'T YELL AT MY FRIEND.

( both arguing )

( arguing louder )

HOLD IT.

I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU

GIVE UP A POPSICLE BEFORE.

YEAH, WELL, THOSE KIDS WOULDN'T SHUT UP.

HAROLD, PEOPLE WILL BE DISAPPOINTED

IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP.

I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT READY.

I CAN'T TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY.

CUTE LITTLE SUIT YOU'VE GOT.

DON'T FORGET YOUR BEANIE.

IT'S NOT A BEANIE

IT'S A YARMULKE.

AND I'M WEARING THIS SUIT AND YARMULKE

BECAUSE TODAY'S MY BAR MITZVAH.

YOU MAY BE DRESSED IN YOUR BEST

BUT YOU'RE STILL A PUNK

AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS.

SAY YOUR PRAYERS, KIDDO.

SH'MA YISRAEL ADONAI...

WHAT?

ELOIHANU ADONAI ECHAD.

HEY, YOU'RE WEIRDING ME OUT

WITH THAT GIBBERISH.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

AH!

LAST STOP, DOCKS!

HEY, I FINALLY MADE IT.

NOW I JUST HAVE TO GET MY CANOE AND ROW AWAY FROM HERE

AND FROM BAR MITZVAHS

AND FROM BEING A GROWN-UP.

HAROLD, LISTEN.

YOU PROVED TODAY

YOU DID LEARN FROM THE RABBI.

THAT KID AND HIS MOTHER? RIGHTEOUSNESS.

THAT POPSICLE YOU GAVE UP? CHARITY.

THE WAY YOU STOOD UP TO THAT KID?

YOU DID IT WITH PRAYER.

YOU DID GOOD THINGS.

RIGHTEOUSNESS, CHARITY, AND PRAYER.

YEAH!

ARNOLD, YOU KNOW

I, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DID DO GOOD THINGS TODAY.

YOU ABSOLUTELY DID.

AND WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GO NOW, HAROLD?

ELK ISLAND!

UNTIE THE CANOE

FROM THE DOCK, ARNOLD.

TIME'S A-WASTING.

I'M GOING TO YOUR BAR MITZVAH.

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT

YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING.

Rabbi: MY FRIENDS

THE BAR MITZVAH BOY IS NOT HERE.

THIS IS A TOUGH TIME IN A YOUNG PERSON'S LIFE

AND WE TRY OUR BEST TO HELP.

AND I TRIED MY BEST WITH HAROLD.

I DON'T WANT TO SAY I LOST FAITH IN HIM, BUT...

HAVE SOME FAITH, RABBI.

I'M HERE.

TODAY, I AM A MAN.

V'AHAVTA ET ADONAI ELOCHECHAH

B'CHOL LEVAVCHA OOV'CHOL NAFSHECHAH OOV'CHOL MEODECHA.

CHAIM, YOU CHANTED BEAUTIFULLY TODAY

AND MADE US ALL PROUD.

MAZEL TOV!

CAN WE EAT NOW?

Arnold: HEY, YOU SURPRISED ME.

YOU SHOWED UP AND YOU WERE GREAT.

BUT I GOT TO KNOW...

WHAT HAPPENED TO ELK ISLAND?

THEY WOULDN'T RENT ME A CANOE.

I WAS TOO YOUNG. IT'S WEIRD.

I'M OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE ALL KINDS OF RESPONSIBILITY

BUT I CAN'T RENT A CANOE.

LOOK AT HIM.

OUR LITTLE MAN.

YEAH.

NO MORE ACTING LIKE A KID.

HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY YARMULKE!

( wailing ): MOMMY!

THEY TOOK MY YARMULKE!

( Klezmer dance music playing )

( dance music continues )

( men shouting ): HEY!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]

Men: HEY!

HEY!

HEY!

HEY!